


What We Become

by innertimetraveldetective



Series: City Of Stars [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: ADHD Character, Academy, Anxiety, Autistic Character(s), Blood and Violence, Character Death, Dating, Depression, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Found Family, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, Implied/ Reference Suicide Attempt(s), Intrusive Thoughts, JUST, Luna makes her grand return, Neurodiversity, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Groping, Past Brainwashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, There's fluff I promise, Torture, academy au, and the actual loml, but there's usually comfort as well, for like first and second year, fs are autistic because neurodiverse rep yes please, her name is luna and she's precious, hurt/ comfort, i love her okay, it's my pride and joy, k onto crack tags lol, kinda starts with daisy as the main character, like loads of siblings srsly, lots of sisterhood, mostly angst, or they're around a lot more, platonic relationships are probs more important in this than romantic ones, seriously edie morse is, then it sorta shifts to ed, there is a lot of hurt, they have a cat, useless lesbians!, who is bobbi's sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:55:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 72
Words: 170,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27713717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innertimetraveldetective/pseuds/innertimetraveldetective
Summary: "How do you feel about beginnings?" Daisy asked."Pretty good." She decided."Then that's what this is.  A beginning."-----------------------------------------Having finished at S.H.I.E.L.D. Prep, everyone heads to The Academy, no idea what the next 5 years will bring, the beauty, the pain, the joy, the sorrow.
Relationships: Ava Orlova & Natasha Romanov, Ava Orlova/ Original Female Character(s), Bobbi Morse & Original Female Character(s), Jemma Simmons/Skye | Daisy Johnson, Natasha Romanov & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson
Series: City Of Stars [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026970
Comments: 1637
Kudos: 83





	1. Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I love writing this so much, definitely did not just spend a week hyperfixating on it to get ten chapters finished so I could post. I really hope you enjoy this, I think I might prefer it to a lot of what I wrote for Since The Beginning (If you haven't read that I'd check it out so the OCs and AU make sense).

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Her mom asked, folding up a t-shirt and packing it.

“I want to. The whole training thing will be a bit of a drag, but if i want to pursue comp-sci in S.H.I.E.L.D. then the academy is the obvious way to go.” Daisy said for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“You know you don’t have to stay with S.H.I.E.L.D. if you don’t want to.” Her dad said from behind her. They were in her room at The Hub, packing the place up again. Most of her things were still in boxes from the prep, but she’d left a few things here year round.

“It’s not safe for me elsewhere. Inhumans are being hunted, dad, and annoying as S.H.I.E.L.D. may be, their program is the best one, and they’ll let me have the most freedom.” she felt like a broken record at this point. S.H.I.E.L.D. had set up a recruiting program at the academy for inhuman or enhanced children. As far as she knew it was small so far, only a couple, but she expected it would grow soon enough. Hydra had somehow gotten Terrigen into food, into the water. Inhumans had started popping up all over the place, and Hydra kept on beating S.H.I.E.L.D. to the scene, S.H.I.E.L.D. never quite managing to stamp them out completely. Hydra wasn’t legitimate, nor had it ever been, but they lingered, slithering around in the shadows.

“Okay, well if you ever need us we’ll be-”

“-on the other end of the phone, yeah, I know.” She said with an eye roll as she passed a jumper to her mom.

“We worry, Daisy. We know how hard H-” He started, only to be interrupted by a stormy eyed sixteen year old.

“Don’t.” she said softly, closing her eyes as Jemma’s body flashed before her, as her blood crawled up her arms, as she felt death surround her. May glared at Coulson, placing a tentative hand on her daughter’s shoulder.

“Hey, xiǎohuā, you’re okay, I’m here.” She said quietly, smiling at Daisy as she opened her eyes to meet May’s.

“I know.” Daisy murmured, reminding herself that she couldn’t change the past, but she could control her future, and then cringing at herself for quoting her shrink. She sighed, sitting up to continue her packing, pushing her terror away, pushing it down. May and Coulson exchanged worried glances. She’d be okay.

* * *

“Daisy!” Jemma said excitedly, running towards her to hug her, Daisy quickly hugging back, pulling away to kiss her quickly. Jemma grinned, kissing her back as she took her hand.

“Your room is across the hall from mine, and the common area is at the end of the hall.” Jemma said, taking one of Daisy’s bags and hurrying into the building. They were the first two from their corridor to arrive. Jemma was glad to see that there was only one new girl, and that all of their timetables and textbooks were waiting on the table in the common area. The new girl was called Ava Orlova, and from the look of her textbooks she was a part of the enhanced program at the Ops academy, as well as taking part in normal Ops classes. Jemma led Daisy to her room, opening the door to a bed, a desk with a chair and a dead pot plant on a chest of drawers. May and Coulson followed shortly after them, putting the boxes on the floor by her bed.

“Do you want us to stay?” Coulson asked, but Daisy shook her head.

“You guys can go, I’ll be okay.” She said confidently, brighter now she was with Jemma. He nodded, hugging her and planting a soft kiss on her cheek.

“Look after yourself, Daisy.” He said, with a quick glance to Jemma who nodded. Of course she’d look after her.

“Dāyìng wǒ, nǐ huì zhao gù hǎo zìjǐ de, et Sàn Dài zìjǐ, Daisy. Wǒ ài nǐ.” (Promise me you’ll look after yourself, and be kind to yourself, Daisy. I love you). May told her, Daisy hugged her, promising that she would. They left, summoning all their willpower so they could walk away, leaving her with Jemma to unpack.

“Is Fitz here?” Daisy asked. Jemma nodded.

“He’s in the building next to ours, but you’ll see him later. Your psych evals are at the same time.” Jemma told her.

“Psych evals?”

“Yeah, psychological evaluations, you know, like they did back at the prep.” she didn’t mention that they only did it after Hydra.

“Do I have to go?” Daisy complained. Therapy was bad enough, she didn’t need some agent poking around in her brain.

“It’s recommended, Daisy.” She said softly, knowing full well that she’d probably have to drag her there kicking and screaming. Daisy huffed indignantly, carrying on her unpacking. Jemma wasn’t much looking forward to hers either. Last time she was there the woman had said that ‘You should probably be screened for autism, Jemma, and you’ll be assigned a therapist to help you come to terms with your injury.”. It wasn’t the autism part that bothered her, that she could research, find out more about. It was the therapy that scared her. For one thing, what the hell did coming to terms with her injury mean? She’d been shot twice, whatever, she was over it. For another, there was no guidebook on how to be therapised, she couldn’t find any rules, and as far as she could tell, there was no right answer. A scientist’s worst nightmare (or an autistic person’s worst nightmare, as Fitz had very unhelpfully pointed out when she’d told him).

“Stupid adults and their stupid concern for our welbeing.” Daisy grumbled, perking up a bit when she heard footsteps coming down the hall.

“We’re in here!” She called, smiling up when the O’Connors poked their heads around the door, Bella’s hair currently pink, Ali’s back to plain black, having been cut to her shoulders.

“Heya! How were your summers?” Bella asked, perching on Daisy’s unmade bed.

“Fine.” They said in unison, not wanting to talk about Daisy’s flashbacks or Jemma’s nightmares. They didn’t share those parts of themselves with anyone but each other, and even then Jemma had noticed that Daisy had withdrawn.

“Ours was grand, mammy let us have the house in Ontario all to ourselves for the whole two months.” Bella said, Ali perching on Daisy’s chest of drawers.

“It was well fine, running around unsupervised for two months.” Ali agreed.

“Fitz and I didn’t do very much, although we did install H.E.N.R.Y. at my house, which drove my mum absolutely mad, and watched Doctor Who about 5 times.” Jemma told them. Luna was with her in Sheffield, she said she’d contemplate letting Jemma take her over next term, but they should probably get settled in first.

“Where is Fitzy?” Ali asked.

“He’s in the boys’ dorm, I think there are more newbies over there.” Jemma replied. She hoped he was okay.

“Hey, Bells, maybe some of them are actually straight.” Ali said, nudging Bella with her foot.

“I don’t find you funny.” She narrowed her eyes, flipping Ali off.

“Shame, I find myself hilarious.” Ali replied.

“What was your summer like, Dee?” Bella asked. Daisy looked up from her suitcase.

“Oh, uh. Pretty alright.” She lied, not meeting their eyes. Her summer had been awful. It had only been six months since Hydra, and she somehow wasn’t magically okay again. She’d spent the summer either in therapy, wandering around the halls of The Hub, or trying to control her powers better. A fog had set over her world, her days all bled into each other. Nothing was new, or exciting, all she had was numb pain and blinding guilt. Not that she would tell anyone that.

“Who’s the new girl, Orlova?” Ali asked, remembering that she saw A. Orlova on the door next to Bella’s.

“Her name’s Ava and she’s either inhuman or otherwise enhanced. I don't know much more than that.” Jemma told them.

“Orlova is a Russian name.” Daisy chipped in. It rang a bell, although she wasn’t sure why. Maybe her parents had mentioned her.

“I suppose we’ll find out sooner or later.” Bella replied. Who knew, maybe this one wouldn’t be a raving bloody lesbian.

“What about Eds, when’s she getting here?” Ali asked. Ed was her favourite, she missed her. They’d merged the three academies a while ago, building three massive campuses for the academy in Canada, where they were now, which meant that Ed would be at the same school as them.

“Not sure. I think her mum’s bringing her though, Bobbi’s off in Abkhazia with Hunter.” Jemma told them.

“Is Hunter really still a thing?” Bella raised an eyebrow.

“They broke up after Hydra, according to Eds S.H.I.E.L.D. sent them undercover together anyways.” Ali told them. She’d met Hunter, and personally sided with Ed. He wasn’t that great. Daisy involuntarily shuddered when Ali said Hydra, causing Jemma to shoot a concerned look at her. She just shook her head, looking down to continue fiddling with her hands.

“Either way, she’ll be here soon.”

* * *

They walked to the dorm in awkward silence, Ed dragging two suitcases behind her, the red headed girl carrying a tatty box. She had black skinny jeans on, as well as a white sweatshirt under a green jacket. Her hair was a fiery red, and she wore it down in curls hanging loosely over a striped scarf. Ed tried to get a read on her, but her face was passive, not giving anything away. That was annoying.

Ava kept a careful eye on the tall blonde girl walking next to her, trying to solve the puzzle of her unreadable face. She walked like a spy, the familiar gait of an overly confident S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, always ready to run, always poised as though about to be attacked. She was attractive, her eyes were a stunning kind of hazel green, her eyebrows were set solidly, determined in their place on her face. Her lips had a slight cupid’s bow, cheeks lightly spattered in acne. She wore a black leather jacket and grey cropped jeans, a S.H.I.E.L.D. Ops academy t-shirt underneath the jacket. Ava had never met another S.H.I.E.L.D. kid before, and she guessed that she’d have to get to know a few.

They reached the Carter building, finding their way to C-Niner in silence, walking along the front corridor until they reached double-doors marked C-Niner in S.H.I.E.L.D. 's signature font. God how she hated that font. The blonde girl got the door, holding it open for Ava who headed straight for the dorm marked A. Orlova, ignoring the voices from across the hall.

“Ed!” Jemma said excitedly, looking up to her as she stood in the hallway.

“Hey.” She smiled, looking around Daisy’s room at her family.

“Hey, Eds.” Bella said warmly, Ali beamed up at her.

“Hey, babes.” Ali grinned.

“Hey, Lishka.” Ed replied, smiling down at her before sitting next to her.

“That’s not a word.” Daisy frowned.

“Alice becomes Ali, which becomes Li. Li becomes Lishka, keep up Zee.” Ed explained, rolling her eyes. Daisy nodded.

“Good to see ya, Yesha.” Daisy said, applying Ed’s logic to her name. Ed smiled at her, looking around the room that had now been unpacked, photos on the dresser, posters on the wall and bedding on the bed.

“Nice place.” She said approvingly. It would be nice to finally have her own room. Much as she loved them all, she’d rather be able to be messy without Bella throwing a fit over the odd pair of socks on the floor.

“They’re all basically identical, we checked.” Jemma told her. They all had the same single bed, the same desk, the same chest of drawers. Ed just nodded.

“What’s the plan for today?” She asked Jemma.

“Psych evals, then we’ll order pizza because we’re allowed to do that now.” Jemma told her. They all groaned at the mention of the dreaded psych evals, because who didn’t love some stranger reciting their problems at them? It always started with the forms and the ticking of boxes listing symptoms of various whatevers. Then came the interview itself, which meant actually talking about their issues. Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick confession, Jemma was supposed to get diagnosed with autism in chapter 6 of the first story. I have the original chapter in a separate document, but I was absolutely terrified that no one would read a story with an autistic character (although, if y'all read since the beginning you did :D). I'm so sorry I didn't get her diagnosed sooner, and if you feel that she's a misrepresentation of autism!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! I'll try to update as often as I can!


	2. A Scientist's Worst Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they all get therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for PTSD, mentions of self harm, mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of anxiety, intrusive thoughts

“So, Jemma, according to your file you were injured in the attack on the prep school.” Doctor Ibrahim sat opposite her, Jemma’s file in her hand. The young woman already had an impressive resume, two PhDs and she wouldn’t be seventeen for another week. The previous doctor, whoever they were, seemed to suggest she should be screened for autism, and that she was at risk for developing PSTD.

“Yas, I was shot twice, once to the lower right abdomen, once to the sternum.” Jemma replied, nodding.

“How do you think that affected you as a person?” Oh god. She hated this so much. She already had enough trouble labelling her emotions, she could hardly articulate them to a therapist of all people.

“Uh, well.” She tried, having no idea what to say to that.

“Would you say it negatively affected your wellbeing?” Dr Ibrahim tried again. Jemma nodded.

“I dream about it sometimes, but it’s distorted so sometimes it’s Daisy who got shot instead.” she said nervously. She watched as she wrote something down.

“And would you say you’re more prone to feelings of anxiety than you were before, or have you experienced any panic attacks?” She asked. Jemma liked how her voice sounded. She was British, probably from further south than Jemma was, her voice was low, clear.

“I don’t really get panic attacks like they’re portrayed in media, I suppose. It’s more like somebody’s holding my head underwater and I can’t quite reach the real world, and I have to fight for oxygen whilst pretending I’m alright.” She thought about time spent in canteens at her old school, how muffled everything was, the internal battle. She thought about how often she’d sat in biochem, too afraid to say she didn’t understand, too busy trying to understand to keep up. It was even more frustrating because she was supposed to be smart, she was supposed to understand, but some days she just couldn’t.

“Okay. Do you have any coping strategies?” She asked, taking notes.

“I like to fidget a lot, and before exams I count down from 50. Other than that I avoid spaces which will make me feel uncomfortable.”

“Yas, it’s mentioned in your file that you exhibit traits of autism. Would you say that getting shot affected that?” Jemma thought about that. Before S.H.I.E.L.D. itself she was more concerned with routine, with knowing what would happen. That stayed the same, but it was less a point of anxiety and more a point of comfort. After getting shot she felt out of control, like everyone had a say in what happened to her apart from her.

“I think after Hydra I reverted back to how I was when I was younger. Things felt out of control, and I didn’t like it. I think I stopped shutting down completely in about third year, now I can still lose my ability to speak, and I sometimes have to move or run, but getting shot made that more frequent.” Jemma told her, thinking about all the lonely hospital tears, about how no one would tell her anything about anything. It had been better once she’d returned to school, but even there she avoided the hall, and Daisy had to wake her up almost every night, panicked tears racing fast down her cheeks.

“You say things felt out of control, do you like to be in control of situations?” Jemma nodded.

“Always.” She confirmed.

“Do you think this affects your relationships?” Jemma thought about how useless all of her friends were.

“I wouldn’t say so, none of my friends are very good at looking after themselves, so it’s probably better that I stick to a schedule.” She was pretty sure that most of them would’ve forgotten to eat most days if she wasn’t so strict about 6.30 dinners.

“And you say you stopped completely shutting down, do you still feel like you could sometimes, or does it present itself less severely in the form of becoming non-verbal?” 

“I don’t shut down so much as I cry, or have to get out. The last time I was non-verbal was in the hospital after Hydra.” She wrote that down as well.

“Okay Jemma. How do you cope with your symptoms of autism? And would you be interested in being screened for autism?” She asked, getting towards wrapping up their session.

“I talk to my dad. I should probably mention that he’s also dead.” Jemma admitted, knowing how it sounded.

“And does this comfort you?” The doctor asked, unfazed.

“Yas.” Jemma confirmed. She nodded, writing that down as well. 

“And back to my previous question about the autism screening?” she asked. Jemma considered this.

“What would it entail?” Jemma asked.

“Well, because you’re almost seventeen we’d have to talk to someone about how you were growing up, and how you developed neurologically speaking. Then you’d have to fill out a questionnaire, mostly about how you present, such as things like routine or meltdowns, as you mentioned. Then you’d have to do more in-depth questions, as well as your mum to get a better idea of your psychology and neurology, after that a formal diagnosis will be attainable. It’ll tell you about what you’re good at, and what you may need extra help with. This can all be done within S.H.I.E.L.D., and so your results and the process itself will all be internal.” 

She thought about how many times she’d been told off by adults for crying, for fidgeting, for not making eye contact, all the times her roommates had had to clear out because poor little Jemma couldn’t handle herself. It would be better, she had to admit, to be able to tell them that there was a reason for that, for them to have some kind of understanding.

“Yas I think that would be okay.” Doctor Ibhrahim smiled.

“In that case, I’ll book you in for a follow up appointment this time next week, as well as a booking you in for counselling with a S.H.I.E.L.D. therapist, if that’s okay?” Jemma nodded.

“Great, thank you for coming to see me, Jemma.” She smiled.

  
  
  


“Hello, Daisy.” She said warmly as the girl walked in. She pulled out a chair silently, slumping back in her seat.

“You have my file?” she asked, looking up to the doctor with tired eyes.

“I do.” 

“You read it?” 

“I have.”

“Then you have everything you need to know.” Daisy said sullenly. She’d never been allowed to read her file, apparently she didn’t have the clearance for it.

“I’d rather talk about your answers to the questionnaire you did for me earlier.” she replied, pushing the file to the side. The file presented her as an unstable weapon, she’d rather get to talk to the girl herself.

“Which part?”

“Specifically the parts focusing on PTSD and depression, as well as the question regarding thoughts of suicide or self harm.” Daisy sighed. Not this again. She’d had this speech from Elizabeth (her therapist) already.

“I have them, I’m aware.” She said, irritated.

“But how do you manage them?” She asked gently, only to be returned with a blank stare.

“Jemma helps.” Was all she could muster, knowing full well that she had all these techniques her therapist had listed, none of which she actually used. She was supposed to smash plates, or write down all of her bad thoughts, or draw a fucking butterfly, but none of them seemed to work, none of them gave the same release.

“Well what did you do this summer, when you were separated?” 

“I couldn’t do much. I wasn’t allowed off base.” She’d felt trapped, under the harsh gaze of the majority of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.

“So being outside helps?” Daisy nodded. She loved being outdoors, where on a summer’s day the vibrations were calmer, where she could still feel the sway of the trees, the movement of the water on a lake, but they weren’t so intrusive. Outside she could move with the vibrations, inside she was trapped with them.

“What else can you do to alleviate the depression?” She asked. Daisy liked how she phrased that. ‘Alleviate’. As though it was something to be lifted.

“It’s easier when I’m not alone. And when I feel free to just be quiet.” She told her after thinking for a moment. Her friends understood that she couldn’t be how she was, that sometimes she didn’t need to say things, and so she didn’t. It was harder with adults, especially strangers. She’d have to force herself to wear a mask, to be light, happy, like she was before. It was hard.

“When was the last time you harmed yourself?” Daisy’s arm started screaming at her, her scabs itching. She remembered that day in August, that day when her mom found out, when she’d cried.

“August 21st.” 

“What about your PTSD? When was the last time you had a flashback, or dissociated due to your symptoms?” Daisy hated this. She hated how she was being interrogated, how her reactions, no matter what, weren’t what they expected of her.

“Flashback earlier today, was dissociated all of yesterday, if that’s what being trapped in a fog all day means.” Daisy sighed, picking at a nail. 

“You have a therapist?” She asked as she wrote that down. Daisy nodded. She liked her, she didn’t make her talk if she didn’t want to.

“I see her twice a week.” She said.

“Do you think there are ways that we, as an organisation, can help you?” Daisy just shook her head. 

“I understand that you have some sort of agreement with Fury, can you tell me about that?” Dr Ibrahim asked. 

“I’m allowed to stay and study compsci as long as I report to The Cocoon once a month for reassessment of my powers and my mental well-being and I have to train for ops as well.” Her mom had fought hard for her not to be locked up, and this was the only agreement they could all come to. Daisy thought she should’ve been locked up. It would’ve been better for everybody.

“Okay. How does that make you feel?”

“Don’t care much. Can I go now?” She asked. The doctor nodded, dismissing her.

  
  


“Edie Morse?” She said, looking up as a girl walked in. 

“Just Ed.” She replied, nodding as she sat down.

“Of course, sorry Ed.” She’d spoken to her sister after she’d been shot a few years ago. The likeness was shocking, their blonde hair, hazel green eyes, even the look that resided behind them, their unwavering confidence, as though they both always knew something you didn’t.

“How long is this gonna take?” She asked, already uncomfortable. She’d had psychiatrists before, she wasn’t overly fond. Back when she was younger, back when she couldn’t fathom being a part of their world, couldn’t imagine what it would be like to walk with them, at their speed. Her parents had taken her to doctors of course, not that they’d helped much other than putting her on Adderall and trying to get her to go see a shrink.

“Not long, we just need to discuss Hydra and your mental state as a result of it, as well as addressing your ADHD and your sister’s injury. It was mentioned in your file.” She said with a brief smile.

“The ADHD is fine, I can deal. I’m back on my meds.” Ed just said, keeping her emotions masked. 

_ ‘Compartmentalize, malyshka’ _

“And Hydra? How do you think it affected you?” She asked.

“Positively. That sounds bad because Jemma almost died, but I feel better as an agent because of it.”

“As a person though, how did it affect you?” she pushed.

“Similarly. You read the mission report, I assume?” she asked, gesturing to her file. She knew she was being difficult. Hell, she’d been told she was difficult so many times by so many doctors that it was just ingrained into her. She wasn’t in the mood for a therapy session, and she certainly wasn’t in the mood for hanging all her dirty laundry out for some stranger to see.

“I did. It was an impressive feat, what you did at the prep and Theseus.” She complimented, tapping the folder. Ed didn’t show any sorts of emotions, or reactions. Just as she’d been taught.

“And what about your sister’s injury? Bobbi Morse?” She asked lightly. Ed’s mask broke briefly, she cleared her throat, darting her eyes to her lap before bringing them back up to meet Dr Ibrahim’s.

“She’s fine now.” Ed said shortly.

“But are you?”

“I dealt with it. I’m okay.” She said firmly.

“But it negatively impacted you?” Ed nodded, thinking about the beeping of the heart monitor, of the white lights, of her lips against Daisy’s, and just how wrong that sounded now.

“I exhibited symptoms of PSTD at the time, but they’ve lessened in severity. That should all be in the file.” Ed replied coldly. This had been exactly what she’d been hoping to avoid, that time, the months that followed, the summer of screams coming from her sister’s room whenever she slept, whenever it rained, whenever there was a loud noise.

“It was. Thank you Edie, I think you’re good to go, with further evaluation at six month intervals.” Ed thanked her, leaving quickly.

  
  


“Would you prefer for me to speak Russian, Ava?” The doctor asked her as she sat down. Ava shook her head.

“English is fine.” she replied. 

“Okay. It says here you were a part of the Black Widow program?” Ava nodded.

“I don’t remember anything apart from the ballet, if that’s what you were going to ask.” That was a lie. She had memories of screaming girls, of blood stained hands, of the snap of a neck. Nothing more.

“Actually I was going to ask if you ever experience feelings of anxiety as a result of your time there.” Ava rolled her eyes.

“Ivan is dead. I saw him die.” she said roughly, the Russian in her accent coming out when she said his name.

“But do you experience anxiety because of him?”

“The man tortured me and 27 other little girls for decades. I associate him with hugs and puppies.” She said sarcastically.

“Okay, stupid question. Does it affect your day to day life?” She asked, raising an eyebrow, lifting her hands in surrender.

“I didn’t have a day to day life. I was kept by S.H.I.E.L.D. in some base after I left Russia. You should know this.” Ava frowned.

“I’m aware. What I mean is whether it impacts your ability to function.” Ava just shrugged. Ability to function? So American, all this concern, this fuss. The doctor sighed.

“I’m going to assign you a therapist, Ava. You will see her in this room every Tuesday at 5pm, da?” She said, writing it down. Ava groaned.

“Da, chto ugodno.” She replied, rolling her eyes.

“You’re quite young.” Ibrahim said, frowning as she saw Ava was born in 2003, making her 15.

“I kept trying to escape. They transferred me when they started the program for enhanceds.” She said. 

“Okay. You can control electricity, correct?” Ava nodded. That’s what she’d gotten from years of electrodes and ballet dancing, years of screams and sobs, of wrists cuffed to beds. 

“I can channel it through things. Like a lightsaber, I guess.” Thanks a lot, Ivan. Years of trauma and powers that only half worked.

“You’re due for reassessment at The Cocoon in a few weeks.” She said, flicking to her last assessment.

“I know.” The doctor nodded.

“You’re clear, Ava. Back here Tuesday at 5, da?” Ava left without another word.

  
  
  


“Isabella O’Connor?” She looked up from writing Orlova’s notes.

“Hi.” The brown girl said as she walked in, fiddling nervously, tapping her fingers against her thigh.

_ Don’t trust her, can’t trust her _

“Please, take a seat.” She sat down opposite the doctor, smiling nervously.

“So, Isabella, how would you say your mental wellbeing has been since Hydra?”

_ Hydra, Hydra, Hydra _

“Fine.” Bella said with a smile.

_ Liar _

_ You’re a liar _

_ She already hates you _

“Would you say it had a negative impact on your life?” Bella saw Jemma lying in the hospital bed, Fitz’s anxious tears, his hands flapping, men crumbling to the ground before her.

_ Murderer _

_ You killed a man _

_ You watched him die _

_ You killed him _

_ He’s never gonna see his family again _

_ And it’s your fault _

“I’m okay. It was hard at first, but I’m better now.” She said calmly, still tapping away.

_ Liar, Liar, Liar _

“Do you mind telling me what was bad?” 

“I saw my friend almost die. But she’s okay now.”

_ Your fault _

_ Jemma almost died _

_ That was your fault _

_ You should’ve protected her _

_ Oh, how she must hate you _

“It says here you were hesitant to trust the last evaluator. Can I assume you feel safer now?” She asked.

“I’m safe with S.H.I.E.L.D.” she said smoothly

_ You’ll never be safe again _

_ I bet his family are looking for you _

_ Maybe they’ll come to kill you _

_ They want you dead _

“Of course. Anything else you’d like to mention?”

_ Can’t trust her _

_ Can’t trust anyone _

“No, I’m fine thank you.” She said with a smile.

_ No you’re not _

“Okay, great. Thank you Bella, you’ll be seen for another check in in six months.” Bella nodded, standing to leave.

  
  
  
  


“Heya.” She said as she plopped herself onto the chair, leaning back and crossing her legs.

“You’re Alice, I assume.” She said as she looked up.

“That I am.” She said with a nod.

“I have to say, your psych eval came back pretty positive.” She said, looking up to meet her eye.

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about me, I’m okay.” She confirmed, linking her fingers with each other.

“So Hydra hasn’t affected your life exponentially?”

“Well sure it has, everything’s different in S.H.I.E.L.D. now and all my best friends are a little worse for wear. I mean that for me personally, Hydra didn’t negatively impact my mental health further than I felt was normal.” She said quickly. 

Of course it had affected her life. Everyone around her had changed. She just hadn’t, not like they had. She believed she’d been through the worst of it, that from here on out things wouldn’t get quite that bad again. Awful as Hydra was, Ali survived. Ibrahim nodded. 

“I’m pleased to hear that Alice. You’ll have a mandatory check up in six months, but as far as I’m concerned you’re clear. There are numbers on the website if you need to contact anyone for mental health support.” She said as Ali left. 

  
  
  


“See, that wasn’t so bad now, was it?” Jemma said as they all flopped onto the couch in the common area.

“Shush, Jay.” Bella just sad, pressing a finger to her lips. “Pizza time now.” Bella continued, pulling out her phone and calling them to deliver 6 large pizzas to C-Niner ASAP.

“Should someone go get Orlova?” Ali said as she looked around, noticing the mystery girl still wasn’t there/

“I’ll go. We arrived together.” Ed said, being returned with shocked looks.

“Why didn’t you tell us, you nitwit?” Ali asked, nudging her leg.

“Nobody asked me.” Ed said with a shrug, leaving to get Ava. Daisy watched her leave, hand warm in Jemma’s. 

“You okay, Daisy?” A soft voice asked her. She turned to meet Jemma’s yas,

“Yeah, fine.”

* * *

  
  


Name: Jemma Anne Simmons, PhD

Date Of Birth: 11/09/2001

Citizenship: British Citizen

Date of evaluation: 07/09/2018

Patient’s previous evaluation notes: Jemma exhibits symptoms of PSTD post combat (03/03/2018). Exhibited traits of GAD since joining S.H.I.E.L.D. age 11, should’ve been screened for ASD at the time but was for some reason overlooked. - 10/04/2018

Patient’s current evaluation notes: Jemma continues to show signs of PTSD, although seems to have anxiety under control 6 months post trauma. Patient approved for ASD screening as of 07/09/2018, is a minor so will require parental contact.

Next steps: Jemma has been referred for counselling at the Academy, as well as check ups with Dr Ibrahim (myself) regarding her autism.

  
  


Name: Daisy May, PhD; Quake

Date Of Birth: 02/07/2002

Citizenship: American Citizen

Date of evaluation: 07/09/2018

Patient’s previous evaluation notes: Daisy expresses feelings of suicidality, as well as intention to harm herself. She hasn’t acted upon these intentions thus far, but she needs to be kept supervised. She expressed regret regarding the incidence on 03/03/2018, and exhibits symptoms of depression. She has had invasive flashbacks, which lead to panic attacks, as well as dissociative symptoms, suggesting PSTD. Recommending counselling and observation - 05/04/2018

Patient’s current evaluation notes: Daisy expressed that she has thoughts of suicide and self harm, but said she hasn’t harmed herself since app 21/08/2018. Didn’t express suicidal intention, but admitted to feeling concerned about ending her own life. Her symptoms of PTSD haven’t improved. 

Next steps: Further counselling and observation, possible candidate for inhuman task force in the future, provided she can be cleared for field work.

  
  


Name: Edie Maria Morse; Skylark

Date of Birth: 16/12/2001

Citizenship: American citizen

Date of evaluation: 07/09/2018

Patient’s previous evaluation notes: Edie doesn’t appear to be handling her ADHD, it is recommended she carries on taking her medication (Adderall, prescribed 21/7/2010) Edie was less negatively impacted by combat (03/03/2018) as by her sister’s injury (18/03/2016). Post Hydra she has responded positively to S.H.I.E.L.D. as well as to her training. 03/03/2018 can be considered a defining moment, I’m confident Edie will show great potential as an asset in the future, recommending reevaluation 07/09/2018 - 10/04/2018

Patient’s current evaluation notes: Edie is taking her medication again (Adderall, prescribed 21/7/2010), seems to have better control over her ADHD. We discussed her sister’s injury, her symptoms of PTSD have become less severe after Hydra.

Next steps: reevaluation 02/03/2019

  
  


Name: Ava Antalya Orlova; Red Widow

Date of Birth: 2003

Citizenship: Ukrainian Citizen

Date of Evaluation: 07/09/2018

Patient’s previous evaluation notes: Ava expresses feelings of frustration surrounding S.H.I.E.L.D. and a desire to leave. She refused to talk about her time in Russia other than stating that Ivan Somodorov is dead (05/03/2012). Recommending reevaluation 12/12/2018 - 19/06/2018

Patient’s current evaluation notes: Ava expresses that she’s pleased to leave the S.H.I.E.L.D. base where she was being contained, as well as feelings of frustration regarding her time there. She spoke about Ivan Somodorov, stating that she ‘associated him with hugs and puppies’. Sarcasm, obviously. Ava uses humour as a coping mechanism through which to avoid dealing with her trauma regarding the events in Odessa (05/03/2012). 

Next steps: Ava has been referred for counselling in S.H.I.E.L.D., upcoming assessment at The Cocoon 01/10/18

  
  


Name: Isabella Madeleine O’Connor, PhD

Date of birth: 21/04/2002

Citizenship: Citizen of The Republic Of Ireland

Date Of Evaluation: 07/09/2018

Patient’s previous evaluation notes: Isabella refused to tell me anything on the basis that I couldn’t be trusted. Recommending reevaluation 07/09/2018 - 10/04/2018

Patient’s current evaluation notes: Isabella didn’t express mistrust of S.H.I.E.L.D., but didn’t tell me anything regarding her mental wellbeing either. 

Next steps: Recommending reevaluation 02/03/2019

  
  


Name: Alice Ciara O’Connor

Date of Birth: 21/04/2002

Citizenship: Citizen of The Republic Of Ireland

Date of Evaluation: 07/09/2018

Patient’s previous evaluation notes: Alice is responding healthily to Hydra, expressing that whilst she was sad and anxious about the event and the casualties, she feels that the future looks okay, and that she is okay. We discussed her relationship with Piper Philips, as well as her mental health in the past. She expressed that she’d been through rough times when she was younger, but felt that she could manage herself better now. Recommended for reevaluation 07/09/2018

Patient’s current evaluation notes: Alice’s psychological evaluation came back positively, she appears to be coping well.

Next steps: reevaluation 02/03/2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Straight back in with the angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for a flashback

_She could feel everyone’s vibrations, feel every heartbeat, every valve opening and closing_

No, come on, focus May. Lines of code danced in front of her, none of the numbers meaning anything.

_She took a deep breath and clenched her fists, feeling their hearts stop, the thud of their bodies hitting the ground echoed through her._

Come on Daisy, not now, she told herself, exhaling shakily as she pushed the images away, as she held her breath to fight the smell of blood that she could practically taste.

_She sent grown men flying, she ripped their limbs from their bodies without blinking, she stopped their hearts with a snap of her fingers, a clench of her fist._

She took her hands up to her ears, covering them tightly as she squeezed her eyes shut, death filling her mind; how it felt rushing through her like an ocean, symphonies of screams filling her, moving through her like a fire, burning her with their every move. She held her breath, lungs begging for air, but no. She couldn’t let them in, couldn’t breathe, couldn't move, for fear of hurting someone, for fear of death catching her, just as she’d set it upon others.

  
  


“Is that Daisy?” Fitz asked as the building started quaking. They were in Jemma’s room watching Doctor Who, Fitz was supposed to be staying over. Jemma had invited Daisy but she’d insisted she had things to do. There was nothing Jemma could do, other than watch her slowly slip away, hide from reality in her room day in day out, emerging to go to classes or to train, ignoring everything else. She’d seen her earlier that morning when she’d apparently emerged to get coffee but had ended up watching TV with Orlova on the sofa. She’d smiled shyly up at her, patting the pillow for Jemma to sit down. 

They’d been back for a week, and Jemma was yet to have a conversation with Ava other than offering her dinner whenever Jemma was cooking. Technically they could go to the canteen for food, but they’d come to the general conclusion that the odds of that happening were little to none. Ed got up at ridiculous o’clock to train anyway, Ali and Daisy would sleep as long as they possibly could, Jemma was already set in a comfortable routine and Bella would rather perish than go alone, and she wasn’t about to ask Ava.

Jemma had seen Ava speak to Ed in very fast Russian, and her and Daisy appeared to be speaking Mandarin that morning. Maybe she was the kind of ops kid who wouldn’t talk to Sci-Tech kids, Jemma thought. Maybe Jemma was just unapproachable. Either way, Ava Orlova remained a mystery to her.

“Yeah. I’ll go check on her.” Jemma said, getting up from where they were huddled under her duvet.

“Do you want me to leave?” He asked, a mixture of concern and sadness behind his eyes. It was almost like he’d lost Daisy, like she was nowhere to be found. Since being back he’d seen her twice, and the light that usually danced behind her eyes had dulled, leaving a hauntingly dull glow. He’d watched her that day, the day when Hydra attacked. He’d been the one to talk her down, to tell her to say her goodbyes to Jemma, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t bear the thought of a goodbye, and so he hadn’t said one. And that would always leave him guilty, knowing that his best friend had been close to death and he hadn’t even said goodbye, couldn’t muster up the courage to stroke her cheek, to make her laugh, to have one last conversation before he lost her.

In reality, Daisy was the one he’d lost, not Jemma.

“If I’m not back in 5 minutes then leave.” She told him after considering her options. She grabbed her jumper on her way out, tugging it on over her pajama shirt and shorts. He nodded, pausing the show despite both of them having seen it at least five times. It was unusual for them to share a special interest, and so when they’d bonded over Doctor Who it had become pretty much the only thing they spoke about.

Jemma knocked tentatively on Daisy’s door, the quakes almost throwing her off balance. She tried again, but there was still no reply, so Jemma opened it nervously, instantly rushing over when she saw Daisy sitting on her bed, eyes shut and hands over her ears, mumbling something that sounded like _control, control,control_. Jemma moved the still open laptop onto the floor, sitting cross legged in front of her.

“Daisy? Hey, Daisy, can you hear me?” Jemma asked, trying not to shout, but not quite sure how else she could be heard. Daisy didn’t move, didn’t speak, lost amongst the sea of vibrations that she’d joined, 

unaware of anything other than blood, screams and a deafening buzz.

Jemma gently took her hands, peeling them away from her ears, holding them tight. Daisy gasped as the pressure disappeared, as she became acutely aware that she wasn’t there, she wasn’t surrounded by death and his ugly companions, she was at the academy, she was in her room, she could hear the low thrum of the heating, feel someone’s heart beat.

“Daisy?” Jemma tried again, softer this time as the quaking slowly subsided. Daisy opened her eyes to meet Jemma’s, flinching away from her. 

“Daisy you’re okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” She said quietly, smiling at her.

“I could hurt you, you need to get away.” She said tonelessly, not meeting Jemma’s eyes. She couldn’t let that happen, never again, she’d vowed.

“You’re not going to hurt me, Zee.” Jemma sighed, taking her hand. Daisy let her, allowing Jemma to hold her hands between her own, allowing her to kiss them gently, to brush Daisy’s hair behind her ear.

“I hurt you once before.” She looked up to meet her eyes, Jemma almost crying at how broken they were, at how hopeless, how guilt ridden. She didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve the things that happened to her, the things she did to protect Jemma.

“You didn’t, Daisy. You never have and you never will.” She said firmly, confidently. Daisy shook her head.

“I can’t be trusted.” 

“I trust you.” Jemma said, cupping her cheek. Daisy let a tear fall, let Jemma wipe it away. She let herself be held, allowed herself to be pulled into a hug, to relax in Jemma’s arms. She didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve her kindness, her forgiveness. Jemma should run, she should hide, protect herself from the monster that Daisy had become.

Jemma held her, wishing she could understand her pain, wishing she could reach her, to help her, to be able to offer some kind of comfort. She’d listened to her cries countless times, stroked her hair, whispered words of empty comfort to her, but everytime she felt further and further away. She didn’t know what to do, had no way of knowing how to help the shaking girl she held in her arms, had no idea how to soothe her. 

“Can you stay tonight?” Daisy asked quietly as her cries slowly slowed. 

“Of course I can, estrella. Whenever you need me, I’ll always be here.” Daisy sniffled before chuckling.

“What?” Jemma asked, confused at her sudden change in mood.

“I love when you speak spanish to me.” Daisy said in a mock flirtatious tone, before bursting out laughing. 

“Te quiero, Daisy May, pero no creo que alguna vez te entenderé.” Jemma said, before leaning forward to kiss her. 

“Yo también te quiero.” Daisy replied, kissing her again, running a hand through her hair. Jemma smiled into her, cupping her cheek. 

“¿Estás bien?” Jemma asked, leaning her head against Daisy’s. She thought about that. Was she okay? 

“Estoy contigo.” (I’m with you) She settled for, because that’s all she could say. She was far from okay, but she was with Jemma, which made life that much more bearable. They settled into bed together, Jemma holding her closely, Daisy listening to her heartbeat, feeling the steady rhythm of it. She felt Jemma’s breath on the back of her neck, took comfort in the arm around her waist, the fingers intertwined with her own. 

Jemma held her close to her chest, close to her where she could be kept warm and safe, where if Jemma imagined hard enough, she could almost believe she'd be able to shield her from the world, to shield her from herself. She played with her hair as they spoke in hushed tones under the cover of night, limbs intertwined, Daisy’s eyes closed, Jemma protecting her from the images that hunted her. Jemma planted soft kisses to her neck, Daisy revelling in how she felt, how her lips brushed against her skin. Daisy sighed, leaning further into her, thanking the stars that she still had her, that the universe wouldn’t steal her away, not yet.

* * *

  
  


“Jemma.” Daisy complained sleepily, reaching out to grab her as she got up.

“I need to go, Daisy, I have marine biology at 8.30.” She whispered, smiling as Daisy tried to pull her back to bed.

“Come back to bed, it’s like the middle of the night.” She said, closing her eyes and pulling her duvet around herself.

“It’s eight o’clock in the morning, Dais.” She said, kissing her cheek before turning to leave.

“Can you get me a coffee?” Was all she said in response before sighing and rolling back over, closing her eyes. 

  
  


“Morning.” Ed said very pointedly as she saw Jemma leave Daisy’s room on the way to train.

“It’s not what it looks like.” She said, rolling her eyes at Ed’s overly amused expression.

“Sure, milaya,” She said, continuing out of the building.

  
  
  


“Your coffee.” Jemma said as she walked back in 15 minutes later, black coffee in hand. Jemma could never understand how she liked it, the smell alone made her gag, but horses for courses, she supposed. Daisy sat up to look at her through blurry eyes,

“Thanks, Jem.” Daisy said, moving over for Jemma to sit next to her. Jemma sat on the bed next to her, Daisy kissing her cheek as she shuffled closer.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” Jemma asked after a beat.

“Not even a little bit, no.” Daisy said, ignoring the voice in her head that screamed at her, telling her to do better next time. 

_Control xiaohua._

“Okay. But I’m here if you ever want to.” Jemma promised, sipping her tea. Daisy nodded.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!


	4. Love In Our Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who just finished writing 2k words of pure pain for this fic?
> 
> It's me. I just finished writing 2k words of pure pain for this fic.

“You’re sure you guys don’t wanna come?” Ed asked for what felt like the fifth time that evening.

“Yas Edie, I’m sure that a confined space full of loud noises, bright lights and drunk people is not something I want to subject myself to. Besides, Fitz is coming over for Doctor Who.” Jemma said once again.

“I’m pretty much codependent.” Daisy shrugged, only half joking.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” She said, leaving to go find Ava and Ali. They’d agreed to come with her to the boiler room, just to see what all of the fuss was about, probably to get some drinks as well.

“Lishka! Hurry up!” She knocked on her door impatiently.

“Give me a minute!” Was all she got in return.

“Vashka!” She tried, banging on Ava’s door. She liked her, she was a bit of a mystery. She had a headful of wild red curls and striking blue eyes, her accent slightly Russian. All Ed knew was that her name was Ava, she was fifteen, her codename was Red Widow and she was on the enhanced program. Most of that itself made her interesting, and Ed hadn’t even had a chance to have a full conversation with her yet.

“That’s not my name, Yesha!”

“And that’s not mine.” Ed grumbled. Why were they taking so long? Maybe she was underdressed, or underprepared, or maybe she wasn’t there at the right time or maybe-

“Okay, I’m ready.” Ali sighed, stepping out of her room wearing high heeled doc martens with roses on them, black fishnets and a dark blue cami dress under a leather jacket (Ed thought it was hers, but she couldn’t be sure anymore).

“And you look damn good, Li.” Ed grinned.

“Damn straight I do, babe.” Ali replied with a wink. Ava emerged from her room a few minutes later, her signature green jacket hanging loose over a red shirt tucked into a black skirt, red hair pulled back into a bun.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Yesha.” Ava said, not at all subtly checking her out, not that Ali could blame her. Ed was wearing an ordinary pair of black jeans and DMs, not unusual for her. What was unusual was the black longline bralette she was wearing, the lace giving Ava a minor panic attack. Huh. That’s new. Her eyes brushed over Ed, her biceps, how her hair hung in waves over her shoulders, how her collar bone was curved.

“Milaya, moi glaza zdes” (eyes up here) Ed said, her voice low. Ava’s heart skipped a beat.

“Izvini eto prosto…” (I’m sorry, it’s just…) Ava tried, her words escaping her. Wow, who'da thunk it. Ava Antalya Orlova, into girls. (Ali needed to get her tenner from Bella.)

“Trust me babe, I know.” Ali said, taking pity on her.

“Shut up, you.” Ed poked Ali in the ribs, leading them out to the boiler room.

They walked in, Ali taking a second for her eyes to adjust to the lack of light, and for her ears to adjust to the roaring, incomprehensible noise that met them. Jemma was right, she’d absolutely hate this.

Ali could almost feel the eyes on her as she walked in, the lights initially assaulting her eyes as she wondered if Ed and Ava felt the same. She scanned the room, part of her checking to see if Piper was there, most of her wondering if she wanted them to be or not.

“Ali, two oclock.” Ed muttered, gesturing to a dark haired person standing about 20 metres in front of them sitting at the bar, beer in hand.

“That’s them?” Ava asked, half yelling over the thumping music, looking over subtly.

“They’re the one.” Ali nodded. Ed looked at her expectantly.

“Well?” Ed mouthed, expecting her to either strut over or to immediately want to hide.

“Okay, wish me luck.” Ed patted her shoulder as she walked over, taking Ava’s hand and guiding her to the bar where they got a mocktail each (They were both underage) and then to a booth.

“So, tell me about yourself, Vashka.” Ed said slightly awkwardly as they collapsed on opposite sides.

“For one, my name isn’t Vashka. It’s Ava.” She said.

“Well your name is Ava, which can be shortened to Va which is therefore Vashka, you being Russian.” Ed explained, as though it was obvious.

“I know the logic, I’m a native speaker, durak. It’s just no one calls me that.” She said, rolling her eyes at Ed.

“Well can I?” She asked quietly, lifting her hazel eyes to meet Ava’s blue ones. She looked at them, the circle of brown that surrounded her pupil, standing out from the forests behind it.

“Sure, Yesha.” She decided after a beat.

“Okay, well what else?” Ed pushed. She wanted to know her, she didn’t like living next to a stranger, and something intrigued her about those sky blue eyes.

“I was born in Ukraine, used as a lab experiment for six years under the Black Widow Program, rescued by Romanov herself in 2012, moved to a S.H.I.E.L.D. base where I lived under lockdown for the past 6 years.” Damn. This kid would give Daisy a run for her money on trauma.

“But not anymore?” Ed pushed.

“They let me out this year because they opened the enhanced program here, and they were probably fed up with me trying to escape.” Ava said casually, running a hand through her hair, taking a sip from her pink straw.

“Well were you ever successful?” Ed asked, both intrigued and a little excited by the girl who could apparently evade S.H.I.E.L.D. and also had a personal connection to the Black Widow. Sure, Ed knew The Cavalry, Quake and Mockingbird, but Natasha Romanov was an avenger.

“Almost.” Ava admitted, smiling a bit to herself at the exasperated look on her S.O’s face every time she tried.

“Also, you know Romanov?” Ed said, impressed.

“Well. She saved my life once when I was 9, and she sends me a present every year, but other than that she’s a huge disappointment. She called me sestra and said I could find her if I ever needed her, but she never came.” Ava told her, fire dancing behind those cool blue eyes.

“Well, at least you got free stuff.” Ed concluded, taking a sip of her drink, the sickly sweetness hitting pleasing her sweet tooth.

“Here’s to free stuff.” Ava chuckled, picking up her glass and knocking it against Ed’s.

“Ura.” Ed grinned.

* * *

Ali had no idea what she wanted to say to them until she tapped them on the shoulder, until their eyes met hers.

“I missed you.” Was all she managed after a beat, shrugging hopelessly.

“Ali.” They replied breathlessly, hardly believing she was here. Obviously they knew she’d be coming, and they knew they’d probably see her, just a little warning would’ve been nice.

“Can we talk?” She asked, bouncing nervously. Piper could barely hear her over the sound of the voices of their fellow students, as well as the speakers blaring incomprehensible noise into the room.

“Sure, Li.” They said, gesturing to their friends that they were leaving. No one seemed to take much notice.

“So…” Ali said nervously once they were outside on the lawns in front of the main building, the smell of weed filling the air, stars appearing in the sky above them.

“I’m not seeing anyone.” Piper blurted out, before covering their mouth with their hand.

“I mean… if you’re not, and if you wanna get back together or something, then I figured you know… I’d wait for you.” They said quickly, looking up to meet her eyes nervously.

“And I’m sorry, obviously, for wanting some time off, it’s just with the whole long distance thing… but I want you to know that I didn’t see anyone else or anything- what’re you..?” Ali pulled them into her by their collar, titling their chin up with her thumb, leaning down to kiss them softly on the lips, dark hair tumbling down from behind her shoulders.

“Oh, that was nice.” They murmured as she pulled away.

“It was grand.” She smiled, running a hand through their hair.

“So, we’re back?” They asked quietly. She hesitated.

“Why don’t we wait and see.” She mumbled.

“Wait for what?”

“For how tonight goes.” she said under her breath, pulling them back into her lips.

* * *

“Hey, Simmons, Daisy.” Fitz said happily as he came in, popcorn in hand, bouncing excitedly.

“Hey, Fitzy.” Daisy said, not looking up from where she was sitting under a pile of blankets on the couch, intently trying to untangle Jemma’s Ophiuchus necklace.

“Hi.” Jemma greeted, standing to hug him.

“I brought popcorn.” He said, holding up the bag, bounding into the room. He quite liked their corridor, and their little common area. The girls kept it cleaner than the boys he shared with did. They had rugs in their common area, and posters, he could actually locate their cutlery. That wasn’t to say that there weren’t piles of dishes in the sink and a mysterious puddle in the middle of the floor, but it was in better form than his.

“Excellent. I brought a girlfriend and a TV.” Jemma said, gesturing to Daisy.

“I brought blankets.” She said, looking up at him.

“Jemma’s on babysitting duty, so I figured I should pitch in.” She stage-whispered. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“It is not babysitting duty, Dais. You could’ve gone with them if you wanted to.”

“Alas, you’re stuck with me.” She said, sighing heavily, hand over heart.

“Is Bella coming?” Jemma asked, but Daisy just shrugged.

“She’ll come if she wants to.” Daisy said. They’d been getting closer recently, they’d bumped into each other on a few 5am kitchen trips (Daisy had never asked if it was a late night or early morning) and had ended up on the couch talking about regular things, things they would’ve spoken about before, like schoolwork and crushes and movies. It was nice. Bella seemed to be the only one who didn’t treat her like she was about to break (although it felt like she was getting closer and closer).

“So, what season are we watching?” Jemma asked as she went to the kitchen to get bowls.

“We’ll start with four, I wanna watch some Donna.” Fitz decided, flipping on the TV and settling on the other end of the sofa, stealing one of Daisy’s blankets in the process.

“Hey!”

“You said you brought them to share!” He said indignantly.

“Ah, technically I said that I brought them, never said to share. Leo Fitz, caught out on a technicality.” Daisy said smugly.

“You can’t have it back either way.” He told her, but she just stuck her tongue out.

“Kids, please.” Jemma said as she sat between them, passing them a bowl of popcorn each, Fitz pressing play. Daisy instantly stopped paying attention, letting Jemma and Fitz squeal and clap their hands and exchange utterly useless BTS info, talk about Tennant’s son and how they wished they’d bring The Catherine Tate Show back. Daisy curled up against Jemma’s side, head resting in her blanket covered lap, quiet as they talked enthusiastically. She didn’t quite understand how they could talk all the way through and still understand what was happening, but she let them be. It wasn’t like she had any desire to watch possibly the most British show she’d ever seen. Seriously, why did the aliens always invade London?

She fell asleep eventually, to the sounds of a whooshing TARDIS, to the cries of her nerd herd squealing about Donna, crying about Amy. She felt Jemma brush her hair behind her ear and buried herself deeper into her side, the feeling of her heartbeat steady as she slept. The gaping hole in her chest pained her, dragging her down, but somehow with them she felt a little lighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	5. Riptide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More fluff, I promise there's angst coming :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for mentions of alcohol

She rolled over in bed, groaning at her alarm, jabbing the snooze button. Seriously, she was all for taking care of herself and sticking to routine, but getting up at 6am on her birthday? That seemed like a bit of a stretch. She wrapped her duvet back around herself, rolling over and closing her eyes, having vague dream-thoughts about nothing in particular. Seven minutes later her alarm went off once again, screaming at her from its smug seat on her bedside table. She rolled her eyes, picking her phone up and turning it on, reading Bobbi’s text.

‘365 days til you can buy your own bloody drinks.’ She smiled to herself, thinking of all the times Daisy had bribed her into sending them alcohol, and was then hit by a wave of nostalgia for how they were before, thinking about tipsy sunsets by the lake, drunken giggles and random tears.

‘does that means youre gonna be around to buy me a drink?’ she texted back, almost 100% certain that she knew she wouldn’t be seeing Bobbi, but a glimmer of hope bubbled in her all the same.

‘We’ll see ;)’ was all she got in response. Trust a spy to be cryptic. Ed rolled out of bed, pulling on a hoodie and tracksuit bottoms before heading out, her running music blaring in her ears, helping her escape. She loved to run, loved how free it made her feel, how she could let her body take over and escape to her own world, sort out problems in her head. She headed to the gym shortly afterwards, making straight for the weights, then to the glorified climbing frame, as she called it in her head. According to her S.O she needed more range, she could tear men apart with her bare hands, sure. She was a sharpshooter, she used a sword, she had practiced acrobatics for a year just to get a one up on Daisy when they sparred. Unfortunately, she couldn’t swing through a jungle or use a bow and arrow, and so was obviously inadequate. 

People wished her murmured happy birthdays, the classic early morning look of death residing behind all their eyes. Her Sci-Tech friends didn’t appreciate how lucky they were, their earliest classes were 8:30, and she knew for a fact that Daisy and Ali rarely even turned up. Daisy would complain about having to go to the gym everyday at 4, saying that having to train for Ops was stupid, and that the enhanced program drained her anyways. Ed watched her sometimes, as she beat up the punching bag, as she sparred with Ava. Neither was more disciplined, both fighting like fire, their flames dancing together, fury fueling them. They were magnificent to watch, to feel the Earth tremor, to watch as Ava’s sabres flashed through the air. 

Ed herself had already had S.T.R.I.K.E. teams looking to recruit her from Big S.H.I.E.L.D.. Scouts would come, checking out the new recruits, staying to watch her train, practically gaping as they watched her take down two third year boys at once. 

“That’s Skylark?” They’d murmur, awe and horror in their voices. She’d been given the codename after Theseus, it’s what she was called in all the redacted S.H.I.E.L.D. files about Hydra. They’d probably been expecting a boy, a stronger one at that. How disappointed they must’ve been to find a 16 (17, now) year old girl. Of course it didn’t stop them, they still came and watched from the gallery. She could feel their eyes following her, judging her. It almost amused her when they were told they couldn’t have her. She was a minor, and besides, Ed already knew exactly which S.T.R.I.K.E. team she wanted to join. She figured if she went with E.C.H.O. she’d see Bobbi more, as well as Daisy’s mom, who she liked. That was if they’d take her, of course, but she assumed they would. She seemed to be Desirable No.1, even over Daisy (word seemed to have gotten out that Quake was in fact a depressed teenager, which seemed to put a lot of people off).

“Morse?” Someone asked. She rolled her eyes. She was in the middle of stretching, cooling down after her workout.

“Yeah? What?” She said, irritated. She turned around to face Trip.

“Oh my God! Trip! Hi.” She grinned, pulling him into a hug.

“Hey, girl.” He smiled, pulling the younger Morse in for a hug. According to Bobbi he gave the best hugs, but Hunter thought otherwise.

“Is Bobbi gonna be around?” She asked.

“You'll see.” He replied, winking. He hadn’t seen the Morse girls together since Hydra.‘

“I haven’t seen you since Hydra, how’ve you been?” She said, beaming as she picked up her water, heading for the exit with him.

“I’ve been good, busy up at The Hub sorting out things post Squids, cuttin’ off heads and the such.” He told her, following her out.

“It’s looking better?” She asked anxiously. He shrugged.

“Better than it was six months ago. Definitely room for improvement.” He nodded.

“How about you? How’s the academy treating y’all?” He asked, nudging her with his arm.

“I’m good, loving the more intensive training.” She said sarcastically.

“Awh, poor Eds. How about the rest of you? Fitzsimmons, May, the twins?” He’d only met most of the once, other than Daisy, but they were good kids, he liked them. He’d heard a lot about them from Bobbi, as well as seeing the aftermath of Daisy’s wrath at the prep.

“Fitzsimmons are okay, they’ve got 4 PhDs between them. Always on about some nerdy sciencey whatever that my high-school bio knowledge doesn’t appreciate. Dee’s getting better, I think, although she still has her moments.” He nodded. May’d been distant for a while over the summer, preoccupied with looking after her. He’d spent some time with her, sometimes they bumped into each other in the gym. She was a good kid; a little broken, but good.

“Ali and Bella are okay, Bella’s been a little off recently, but Ali’s back with Piper, so she’s off with them all the time. We got a new girl as well, Ava Orlova?” She said, looking at him to see if he knew her.

“Name rings a bell. Any reason?” He checked.

“Red Widow.” Ed let out, raising an eyebrow at him as his jaw dropped.

“You live down the corridor from _that_ kid? She made a break from S.H.I.E.L.D. last year, took out all the electrics in Montana.” It had been a pain, he’d been quarterbacking a mission from a base there, Bobbi and Kara had been left in an underground bunker for 32 hours.

“Well, a person has a right to be pissed when they’re kept locked away for 6 years.” Ed smirked, challenging him to argue.

“Hey, I ain’t sayin’ nothin. I’ve seen you take down men twice my size.” 

“Damn straight.” She winked.

* * *

“Happy birthday, Yesha.” Ava said, turning around from where she was making coffee to see Ed and Trip enter.

“You have a male.” She stated blankly, looking at him.

“Yas. This is Trip. He’s my sister’s friend.” Ed said, gesturing to him.

“Ona priyedet?” (Is she coming over?) Ava asked, switching to Russian so he couldn’t understand.

“Mal'chik tak dumayet.” (The male thinks so) she replied, nodding to him. He just smiled awkwardly at her. He really should learn Russian. His team liked to talk it around him, just to piss him off.

“You want a coffee?” Ed asked him as she got herself an orange juice and a bowl of fruit loops.

“I’m good, thanks.” He replied, sitting at their island. 

“U menya yest' podarok” (I got you a present.) Ava told her as she got the milk from the fridge.

“Ne nado bylo, Vashka.” (You didn’t have to, Vashka) Ed said, embarrassed at her blush.

“Ya khotel.” (I wanted to) She shrugged, making her way to her room to get a neatly wrapped box, bumping into a very sleepy Jemma holding a present.

“There is a boy in there.” She warned.

“What kind of boy?” Jemma asked, narrowing her eyes. Bella hadn't had anyone over so far, and Fitz wasn’t expected.

“Trip.” Ava said, gesturing vaguely as he said it.

“Is Bobbi here?” Jemma asked, perking up a bit.

“He thinks she might be coming.” Ava told her, continuing to her room. Jemma made her way to the kitchen.

“Hi, Trip. Happy birthday Eds.” she said to them both, handing Ed a present, bumping Trip’s fist as she walked to the kettle to get tea.

Ed unwrapped it carefully, finding an innocent looking pen.

“Uh, Jay? Should I be careful with this?” Ed asked nervously, holding it away from her. She was still cautious after Jemma had handed her a coin that had blown up when she’d held it too close to her phone.

“Don’t uncap it unless you want a sword in your hands. Fitz and I made it, inspired by Percy Jackson, obviously.” Jemma explained, perching on the counter.

“You made me Riptide?” Ed asked, touched at the thought they’d put into her present.

“Well, he thought that you looked very cool with your sword when you were fighting, and I remember you being hyper fixated on Percy Jackson, so we combined them.” She smiled, pouring the boiling water into her mug.

“Thanks, Jemma.” She grinned. 

“Can I look?” Trip asked, reaching for the pen. 

“Go ahead. Do try not to stab yourself, dear.” She smirked. He tossed the pen over in his hands, twirling it between his fingers.

“Damn, girl.” He said, looking up at Jemma.

“Thank you.” She smiled at him, tea warm in her hands, heart singing at how happy Ed looked.

* * *

  
  


_Well go on then_

_What’re you waiting for_

_She’s gonna think you’re weird_

_Hurry up_

_What’re you doing_

Ava stood staring at her door handle, present in hand. 

_Stop worrying, Lya_

_She’s nice_

_She won’t be mean_

_But she might not like it_

_It’ll be fine_

She exhaled heavily, opening the door and heading back to the kitchen where Trip was still at the island, Jemma was now on the kitchen counter and Ed appeared to be sitting on the floor.

“Yesha, zdes'.” She said nervously, holding it out for her.

“Thanks, Vashka.” Ed smiled shyly, unwrapping it gently. Inside there was a framed photo of them all in their second week. Fitz had taken it when they were all actually in the same place at the same time and sitting still, heavy in a post-takeout haze. Lazy smiles were painted across their faces, everyone leaning back. Ed smiled at the image, at the little piece of perfection he’d captured.

“Spasibo, Vashka.” Ed smiled at her, her hazel eyes calming Ava’s anxious ones. 

“Pozhaluysta.” She mumbled as she got her coffee and sat next to her, listening to Jemma talk with Trip about life at the academy, and how things were in Big S.H.I.E.L.D., how May and Coulson were, how Luna liked England (there was an A3 photo of her above their TV, it was hard to miss). Bella wandered in shortly after, pressing a present into Ed’s hands before going to get coffee. She’d made her a new bow and arrow in her R&D class, knowing she was just starting to train. It was a perfect weight, and she’d made it so it was balanced, and the arrows were slender enough to fly nicely, but heavy enough for her to have good aim. 

Ali and Daisy stumbled in an hour later, both of them looking suspiciously hung over. Ava and Jemma had both left, and Ed was almost on her way out with Trip (he was teaching a class, as agents generally needed grounds upon which to visit unless they were family).

“You both look like death.” Ed tutted as they both handed her a present (a painting of a mockingbird and a skylark flying together, as well as a leather jacket Daisy’d seen her looking at), wincing simultaneously.

“Babe, I love you, but must you shout?” Ali whispered, pressing a hand to her head.

“Yas!” Ed yelled, walking past as they closed their eyes, leaning against the wall.

“Who’s stupid idea was whiskey at 2am? Remind me to kick her ass.” Daisy groaned, pulling herself off the wall.

“I believe it was yours.” Ali said, thinking about the genius idea that had been drunk studying, and how it would definitely never happen again (only it definitely would).

“Sounds about right.” She sighed.

“Do me a favour and don’t tell my mom.” Daisy asked Trip. She’d probably say that this kind of ‘behaviour’ was ‘cause for concern’ and that her sixteen year old shouldn't be ‘getting hammered’. He raised his hands.

“Come on girl, you know I’m no snitch.” He grinned, slipping his hands into his pockets and following Ed out.

“You got classes anytime soon?” Daisy asked Ali as she made them a disgustingly strong coffee each. People had gotten into the habit of basically dragging her out of her room each morning to make sure she actually ate and went outside.

“Missed my 9 o’clock one, so I’m good til 12. And yourself?” Ali asked, turning the lights off. She could appreciate Jemma’s hatred of them a little more now.

“Got one at 1, one at 2, training at 4.” The thought of training was painful. She was already hypersensitive to vibrations, the thought actually using her powers made her feel a little sick.

“Oof.” 

* * *

  
  


“Mrs Simmons?” Bobbi smiled as Jemma’s mother opened the door.

“Hi?” She said, smiling at the blonde stranger.

“Right, this is gonna sound weird as well, but I’m Edie’s sister, Bobbi?” She said, hardly believing what she was about to ask.

“Yas, of course. Is Jemma okay? Do you want to come in?” She asked, moving to let her in the doorway.

“Thanks. Jemma’s fine, I was just wondering, it being Christmas and all, if maybe you’d consider the girls having Luna for a while?” She asked nervously, taking down her spy barriers and trying to talk like a normal person.

“You think they’re ready? Of course it would be lovely for them to have her, and honestly she’s a lot, but can they take care of her?” She asked. She loved the little cat, she was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen. She was bigger now, almost two years old. She liked to chase bees and butterflies, and climb the walls. She always watched Antiques RoadShow with her, and liked to sleep on her bed. She’d miss her, but it was always going to be temporary. Besides, she assumed she’d get her back once Jemma became an agent, she couldn’t quite imagine a cat wandering around a spy base.

“I was talking to Eds about it and she seems to think it’ll be fine.” Bobbi lied smoothly. Damn. 

“Well, as long as they’re sure. Are there no legal documents or anything?” She checked, going to find Luna’s cat carrier and the box of things for her that Jemma and Fitz had prepared for when she moved in with them. Bobbi followed her.

“I’ve taken care of them. Perks of being S.H.I.E.L.D., connections in high places.” She smiled, eyeing the exits as they walked. Hunter was waiting in a Quinjet on some field on the outskirts of the city, probably bored out of his mind. 

“Ah yas.” She nodded. She hadn’t quite trusted S.H.I.E.L.D. at first, it all seemed a bit shady. Then Hydra had happened, Jemma had been shot, and things suddenly seemed a lot more real. Jemma couldn’t tell her much, it all seemed to be annoyingly secret, but she was more cautious of the organisation now, although her faith in it was stronger. She could hardly believe her baby was training to be a spy, and it was hardly something many other mothers could relate to. 

“Thank, Mrs. Simmons. They’ll love having her around. They have a huge photo of her above their TV.” Bobbi chuckled. She hadn’t seen the actual photo, but Trip had just texted it to her, and she couldn’t help but laugh. She missed them, her girls. 

An hour and a slightly tearful goodbye later, Bobbi was striding across a field, cat in one hand, box in the other. Hunter uncloaked the Quinjet, opening it for her to walk up.

“Hey, love. Got the cargo?” He asked, turning around from the cockpit.

“One cat, lots of toys.” She said over Luna’s annoyed meows, ignoring his smirk at the word ‘toys’. What was he, twelve?

“Is she gonna do that the whole journey?” he asked, pointing at the cat.

“Are you gonna do that the whole journey?” She returned, raising an eyebrow at him. He turned back around, lifting his jumper off the pilot seat so Bobbi bould sit down, taking the cat carrier onto his lap.

“Won’t the amplitude mess her up?” He pointed out as Bobbi turned the plane on. She frowned.

“I don’t know. It’s supposed to be the captivity that’ll mess her up, so once I can switch to auto we can let her out.” Believe it or not, she’d never studied the effect of air travel on cats in her degree. It was a smooth flight, she let Hunter take Luna out of her carrier and play in the main body of the plane for a while over the Atlantic, sending Trip a video of them playing together, captioned ‘be there in an hour’. God, she loved Quinjets. S.H.I.E.L.D. was under the impression that she was using the it to visit the academy to teach with Trip, they’d both ranked in the top 5 in her year (she’d been top, he’d been fourth, third if you didn’t count kids who'd turned out to be Hydra). 

* * *

He was watching Daisy and Ava train, under strict instructions from Bobbi to have them all back in their dorm by 7. He was pretty sure Jemma had that covered, she’d been insisting all day that they all eat together on Ed’s birthday, getting Ali to promise that she’d cook. She hadn’t looked too thrilled at the thought of cooking, more focused on painkillers and coffee at the time, but he suspected she couldn't refuse. The girls were tight, their team stronger than most he’d seen, all of them sharing history and baggage. Even Orlova, the newcomer, seemed to be perfectly integrated with their lives, matching Daisy perfectly, flirting with Ed, she was even trying to teach Bella Russian. Ed neglected to mention that her and Daisy had already tried to teach the others different languages, watching her fruitless efforts in amusement.

As expected, Bobbi strode in at 7, Hunter shortly behind her, quickly wrapped into a hug by Ed, followed by all the original group (Ava and Fitz just sort of watched awkwardly at their rather dramatic reunion).

“Hey, uh, I think Hunter has someone you guys might wanna see.” Bobbi said gently, extracting them from her, directing them toward a sheepish Hunter, holding an overly excited Luna.

“OhmyGodBobbiyoudidn’t.” Jemma gushed, rushing over to see Luna, utterly ignoring Hunter. He put her down, Jemma quickly opening the carrier to let Luna out, the little black cat rushing out, meowing loudly.

“Eto pochemu ty opozdal?” (This is why you were late?) Ed asked, raising an eyebrow at Bobbi as Jemma scooped Luna up, Bella, Ali and Daisy fussing her.

“Pozdno? Kto opozdal?” (Late? Who was late?) Bobbi asked innocently, pulling Ed into a hug.

“I missed you, malysh.” 

“Well, someone had to defeat your reign as the highest graded first year.” Ed said playfully. Bobbi pulled away, mouth agape.

“You did not?” She asked, slightly threateningly.

“I did indeed.” Ed grinned.

“It’s probably because all Morse did in her first year was drink and make out with people.” Trip said from the table.

“Right, because you were being so productive.” Bobbi shot back, rolling her eyes.

“The only thing I remember you doing was Harris, and he turned out to be Hydra.” Hunter said from next to him

“Right, because I’m sure none of the girls you slept with turned out to be Hydra,” Trip said.

“Guys, I think we’ve heard enough.” Daisy said, Luna in her arms. God, she’d forgotten how much she loved her. 

“I’m confused.” Ava murmured to Fitz. He looked up from his lap to face her.

“Right, Bobbi is Ed’s sister, Hunter’s her boyfriend and they’re on a team with Trip. They’re currently reminiscing about their sex lives at the Academy, and Daisy is disgusted.” He recounted, frowning a little.

“No, I got that, just where does the cat come in?” She asked, watching as they all fussed over her, Bobbi, Hunter and Trip joining them on the floor.

“The girls ‘adopted’ her two years ago when Ali and Piper were tipsy, found a cat and decided that it would be a great idea to adopt her. She was with Jemma’s mum in England, but Bobbi just got her back.” He explained. He loved Luna, he just wasn’t overly eager to join the excited huddle surrounding her. Luna was basking in the attention, rolling around whilst she was stroked, cameras on her.

“Okay. So we have a cat now?” 

“It would seem that way, yas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and Kudos are welcome <3!


	6. Who Am I To Deny You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for self harm, blood, intrusive thoughts,

She tried so hard, really she did. She was doing everything right, she was taking her meds, she was journaling, she wasn’t spending too much time alone. She’d ticked off all the boxes, so why was it that her razor was looking so appealing, that its sharp glint seemed to sing to her?

She’d tried to ignore it for days on end, she’d put it in the back of their bathroom cabinet, she’d done all the counting and the grounding and the lists that she was supposed to do, but it got ever louder, it begged to be heard, to be used to be paid attention to. Her arms itched and her brain screamed and cursed and so who was she to deny it its release?

She thought back to what Jemma had said when she’d found out. Daisy had apologized, she’d cried, dreading the look in Jemma’s eyes, dreading that it would mirror the looks of disappointment in her parents’, the look of disgust in her own. She’d just wrapped up her arms, kissed her cheek lightly and tucked her into bed, calling her lovely, promising her she’d get through, that there was a scientific explanation for what she was feeling and that she’d love her no matter what. 

Everyday since when Jemma had seen arms bare of fresh cuts she’d kissed her, telling her how proud she was. If there were new ones she’d hug her, telling her that she’d try again tomorrow, that it was okay. She was frustratingly understanding, kinder than Daisy deserved. She’d been nothing less than perfect, and that annoyed the hell out of Daisy. Maybe that was what tipped her over the edge that night, maybe it was Jemma’s unwavering perfection, her never ending gentleness. Daisy could never be enough for her.

  
  


“Daisy?” She whipped her head around, standing over the sink, razor in hand, blood running down her arms, heart racing.

“Ali.” She barely managed to say, her voice wavering.

“What ya doing, Dee?” She asked, taking nervous steps towards her.

“I-” Was all she could manage before dropping the razor, collapsing into Ali’s arms. 

“I’ve got you.” She said as she stroked her hair, holding her as she shook.

“I’m sorry.” Was all Daisy could manage. Why Ali? After everything she knew Ali had been through, all the crap she knew she’d faced, why did it have to be her to see this? 

The look in Daisy’s eyes was hauntingly familiar; the broken echo, the afterthought of shattered hope, the awful longing that lingered behind them. She saw it in herself everyday for years, watched herself fade away, her only feelings coming from a blade under the cover of night, telling herself that she didn’t deserve any better, that her numbness was normal, that it was a pain she’d brought upon herself. She’d gotten better, and she had to believe Daisy would too, because she couldn’t watch Jemma break.

“Can I look at your cuts?” She asked softly. Daisy hesitated. It was usually Jemma who did this, Jemma who looked after her, who brought her down. She’d known Ali for 6 years, they’d been friends for 6 years. She’d danced with her, grown up with her, met her first partner, listened to her and Ed rap Hamilton at them for hours. This was Ali, she trusted her. Daisy nodded, pulling away, allowing her to see her at her most vulnerable. She perched on the sink, staring intently at her feet as Ali got the first aid kit out of the cabinet.

Her hands were cold against her burning skin, gentle and careful, but cold. She couldn’t watch as she cleaned them, as she felt the familiar sting of the antiseptic, as Ali apologised under hushed tones, Daisy knowing that she knew exactly how she felt and hating herself for it. It wasn’t fair to put her through this, for her to have to see this. Just another way in which she was an awful person, she supposed.

“Hey, Daisy, I’m okay.” Ali said quietly, placing a comforting hand on Daisy’s shoulder. Daisy lifted her eyes to meet her brown ones, teeth chattering.

“I’m sorry.” She said again, hatred running through her.

“I’m okay now, and you will be too. Give yourself time, Dee.” Ali told her, her voice more serious than usual.

“I don’t know if I ever will be.” Daisy said hesitantly.

“I don’t know if you’ll ever be the same again, if any of us will. But you’ll be okay, you'll get better. You might never be fifteen again, you might never be that version of yourself again, but this leaves room for growing up, yeah?” She said, titling Daisy’s chin up with her thumb. She nodded, hands still shaking as Ali wrapped them up, kissing Daisy’s cheek.

“You gonna come watch TV with Orlova?” Ali asked, knowing it wasn't a question. Daisy followed quietly, sitting next to Ava on the couch, returning her smile with a small, shy one.

“Ty khoroshiy?” Ava asked as Daisy flopped down next to her.

“Da.” She said lightly, flipping the TV on. She liked Ava, really she did. She just wasn’t quite sure if she was ready to trust her with all of herself yet. If it had been Jemma, Ed or Bella she would’ve made a joke, saying that she was fine but her arms might say otherwise (although she definitely would’ve gotten told off for that), but not with Ava, not yet.

* * *

  
  


She watched the blood stained water swirl down the sink as she scrubbed, awfully reminiscent of the time she’d spent doing the same thing back at the prep. Only this time it wasn’t her blood, but someone she loved, and only now could she appreciate just how grateful she was for Bella.

_Is that Ali?_

_You should go check on her_

_Go on_

_Well you could wake someone up_

_Or the door could creek_

_Or the floorboards_

_But what if she’s not okay_

_Or she needs you_

_Why would she need you_

_Nobody needs you_

_But she could be bad_

_Nice belief in your sister_

_You’re awful_

_Go help her_

_Go on_

“Oi.” She heard, turning around to see Bella.

“Not my blood.” She just said, turning back around to keep scrubbing.

“Where’s the body?” She sighed, laughing at her own joke.

“About 20 metres down the hall, probably snuggled up with her beau.” Ali replied, gesturing to the door. 

_Daisy_

_You should’ve seen it_

_Or noticed_

_You should’ve helped her_

_You’re awful_

_You’re a bad friend_

_And a worse sister_

“Rough day?” Bella asked, walking over to perch on the sink.

“You could say as much, yeah. Yourself? How’s Eithne?” Eithne (pronounced Edith, but my babes are Irish) was the name they’d given to the voice that Bella heard, Ali seemed to think it would help.

“High school bully.” Bella shrugged.

“I’m familiar.” Ali nodded.

“Alright, I don’t know how much more I’m gonna get out of this. Wanna go watch Friends?” That was their tradition when they knew they wouldn’t be able to sleep, or it had been over the summer anyway. Eithne would keep Bella up and Ali didn’t much want to leave her alone.

_She doesn’t want to_

_Don’t be a burden_

_Just leave her alone she’s better off without you_

_Stop bothering her_

_But you can’t say no_

_But don’t say yas either_

_Just shush_

“I don’t know.” Was all she could manage.

“Alright, we’ll go watch it then.” Ali decided, hanging her shirt over the radiator and taking Bella’s wrist, dragging her to her room. Ali shuffled over on her bed, pulling out her laptop so they could watch together, volume painfully quiet, voices left unused. They didn’t need to say anything, they both knew what was left unsaid, and why it had to remain so. They both knew better than to say, or even elude to the ‘H’ word, knew better than to try to talk about it. They’d tried. So they sat in silence, Bella a little safer in her presence, Ali’s mind far away from her blood stained t-shirt.


	7. Here's To Childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some fluff (sorry this is late, I'm simply behind in everything).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for intrusive thoughts, anxiety

“Who’s that?” Bella asked, gesturing to a sandy haired boy sparring with Daisy. Ed didn’t react.

“Hey! Edie, who’s that?” She asked again. Ed sighed, looking up from her phone to the hall, peering over the gallery’s boundaries. They’d promised Daisy that they’d wait for her to finish training so they could go to the library together to get books on spycraft. They all had to take a class called S.H.I.E.L.D. Basics with O’Brien that term, basically just learning how to lie, how to compartmentalize _everything_ and just how big their trust issues should be (Bella was pretty sure she had that part down). 

“Uh, that’s Lincoln Campbell. New inhuman, joined a couple weeks ago.” Ed said. She didn’t like him much, he was kinda dull. Daisy did, apparently he didn’t go easy on her, mostly because he didn’t know why people did. Some had seen her at the prep, some had seen her panic attacks since, but either way, most skirted her, avoiding sparring with her whenever possible. Ed still enjoyed it, her powers made her a more interesting opponent, which was useful as they were both incredibly used to how they fought. She preferred sparring with Ava, mostly because some part of her got off on their unresolved tension. She was torn between making a move and leaving it, Ava being just over a year younger than her, and newly out. Then again, she wasn’t sure how many more times she could pin her to the ground whilst sparring in an utterly innocent way.

“What’s he like? Where’s he from?” Something about him intrigued her, the glint behind his eyes, the humour that seemed to dance with him, how he held himself.

“Uh, he’s fine. He’s from Ohio.” 

“I thought you were from Ohio.”

“We can both be from Ohio, Bells. Like 50% of our dorm is from The British Isles.” Bella rolled her eyes.

“He's straight?” She asked, looking down as soon as he looked up to the gallery. Ed scrunched her nose.

“I’d say so. You want me to introduce you?” She asked, nudging her.

_Oh God_

_  
_ _Do you want her to introduce you_

_No_

_He’s too pretty_

_He won’t like you_

_You’ll just annoy him_

_You’ll break up anyway_

_What’s the point_

_Ah_

_Oh God_

_Say something_

“Uh… Yeah?” Bella said hesitantly, shrugging as she looked down at him. 

“Kay. Once they’re done we’ll go down.” Ed said, returning to her phone, fingers tapping against her knee. Bella watched them nervously, biting her lip until it bled. 

_He’s out of your league_

_He probably likes Daisy anyway_

_At least she’s real about her issues_

_At least she doesn’t deny people the right to her problems_

_At least she can trust_

“Bells, you coming?” Ed asked impatiently, prodding her. She looked up.

“Uh, yeah, coming.” She said, standing to follow Ed, pulling on her blue hoodie over Jemma’s white shirt with blue flowers on it, tucked into her own blue denim skirt.

“You good?” Ed asked as they walked downstairs.

“Yup, a-okay.” She said, legs led under her.

“He’s nice.” Ed promised as they continued downstairs, bumping into Lincoln on the way down.

“Hey, Morse.” He smiled. She grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

“Bella wants your number.” She said bluntly, gesturing to Bella. 

“I mean, if it’s okay with you, I thought maybe, I mean I was watching you and Daisy and I just thought maybe you’d like to get dinner sometime?” She spilled, words running out of her mouth faster than she could process them.

“Sure, I’d love to. Here, give me your phone.” He smiled, holding out his hand. She opened her contacts, handing it to him, watching him carefully as he typed it in. He handed it back and she called him, his phone ringing.

“I’ll text you?” He asked. She nodded, scurrying off with Ed before she could embarrass herself more.

“What the bloody hell was that?” She squeaked, Ed just raising an eyebrow.

“Got you his number, didn’t I?”

“Well it was hardly subtle.”

“Lesbians can’t afford to be subtle.” Ed replied simply, continuing downstairs, handing Daisy a water as she greeted her. She was under strict instruction from Bobbi to take care of her, apparently May was worried. 

“It’s true, we can’t.” Daisy confirmed as Bella approached.

“Lincoln’s a good guy.” She said, nodding to Bella.

“I approve. I’ll still beat his ass if he hurts you, but for now he’s alright.” Daisy decided.

“Wow, we finally found a dude who Daisy doesn’t hate simply because he’s a dude.” Ed said, impressed.

“You have good taste, apparently.” Bella nodded.

“I hope so.”

* * *

_Lincoln: Hey :) How do you feel about dinner with me at pizza express tomorrow at 7.30?_

_Bella: I feel pretty grand about it :)_

* * *

“Hey.” She said, smiling at him as he approached, looking up from her phone. She was standing outside the pizza place, hands cold in the January night, wrapped up warmly in a green winter coat, Jemma’s Ravenclaw scarf, black leggings and a black hat (she missed her yellow beanie, but it turned out that it didn’t go great with purple hair).

“Hey.” He replied, returning her smile. She liked his voice, it was calm.

“You wanna..?” She asked, gesturing to the door.

“Ladies first.” He said, holding it open for her and grinning bashfully. She walked through, eyes quickly adjusting to the warm colours in the room.

“Uh, table for two, please?” She asked, as a waiter approached them. He looked at them, scanning the restaurant.

“I’m so sorry, we’re fully booked until 9. I can reserve a table for you then, if you’d like?” He asked.

“Oh, no it’s fine, thank you.” Bella decided, looking around to Lincoln who just shrugged. They left, leaning back against the wall, hands in pockets.

“We could get ice cream at the beach?” He suggested, nodding in the direction of the sea.

“Sounds like a plan.” She nodded. Sure, it was the dead of Canadian winter and it was already pitch black, but who didn’t love ice cream? They talked idly as they walked, Bella learning that he came into contact with Terrigen in November, being brought in by S.H.I.E.L.D. and then transferred to the academy so he could enroll for the winter term. He learnt that she had a twin, that she’d known Ed and Daisy for six years and that they had a cat (he was wondering why he was sneezing, her coat must’ve had cat hair on it).

They wandered down the promenade, eyes looking out for a place selling ice cream, eventually coming across a little ice cream parlour lit by fairy lights.

“Hey, lovelies, what can I get for ya?” The woman behind the counter asked. Bella scanned the options, deciding on mint-choc-chip ice cream and a cup of coffee, Lincoln getting bubblegum and tea. They left, perching on the wall overlooking the beach.

“Is it safe to assume that you’re in Sci-Tech?” He asked, looking over at the sea, the moon reflecting on the horizon.

“Yup, got a PhD in engineering. And yourself, what were you up to before?” She asked, legs swinging.

“I was a Junior in highschool, obviously had to pull out when I went through Terrigenesis.” He felt like a neanderthal compared to the Sci-Tech kids at S.H.I.E.L.D., all of them had at least one PhD, he’d heard that Fitzsimmons had two each. 

“Awh, I’m sorry. You can probably enroll in the Sci-Tech academy next year though, once you’ve done all the enhanced stuff. You know Daisy’s in Sci-Tech, Ops and the enhanced program.” She pointed out. She was glad to be done with her PhD, in her classes now she was taking a wider range of things, from chemical engineering to aerospace engineering. 

“She is?” Damn. He knew she had a reputation (although he wasn’t sure what had actually happened) but he had no idea she was doing that much.

“Yeah, she has a PhD in compsci, obviously she’s inhuman, and when I first met her she was in Ops as well.” Bella thought about what she’d been like when they first met, what they'd all been like. Ed had barely talked, Daisy was a bubbly, sarcastic kid, Jemma was shy and stuck to her routine like glue, and her and Ali were just two kids who’d been bounced around the world cos their mammy couldn’t be arsed to take care of them. How they’d all changed.

“Neat. What about you? What’re you interested in?” He asked, nudging her a little with his elbow.

“Uh, I love engineering, obviously. I went through a massive friends phase over the summer, you know the TV show?” He nodded, “And I’d love to be able to speak more languages, but I can’t seem to keep up with Ed.” She said. She spoke German, French and most recently Spanish, and it was a new rule that all academy students had to take another language (she was doing Russian) but it was nothing compared to her friends. 

“I love friends, and I feel you about the language thing. None of my classmates speak English to each other like, ever.” 

“Oh, well I speak German, French and Spanish, but everyone else seems to speak more.”

“Not where I’m from.” He laughed, thinking about how crazy his friends back home would find this. Here he was, a boy who could control electricity, sitting eating ice cream with a multilingual girl with a PhD and a Ravenclaw scarf who didn’t seem to believe she was good enough.

“Well, where I’m from.” She settled with. She’d grown up around rich kids, kids whose parents had a disgusting amount of money, or kids who were too smart for their own good. Then S.H.I.E.L.D. came along and suddenly she wasn’t so different, suddenly she had to strive to be the best, she had to work for it. Most people she’d known before spoke different languages because of daddy’s tutors, most of them were at private school because of their rich families. Her friends now spoke different languages because of their relatives in a spy agency, they were at private school because they were 17 and had two PhDs, where else would they go?

“Where are you from? I mean, I know you went to the prep, but before that?” He asked.

“Originally Ireland, obviously, although I know my slang isn’t what it was. I moved around a lot, different schools in different countries, depending upon where our mammy decided to go next.” She told him.

“You’re from Ohio?” She asked. He nodded.

“I know, kinda boring.” He admitted.

“Well what was it like? Living at home, white picket life and all that jazz?” She asked, intrigued.

“White picket is pretty spot on. Mom and dad are married, grew up in the suburbs, little brother and I used to ride our bikes in the neighbourhood.” He admitted, thinking about how much he missed them.

“That sounds actually quite nice.” She’d gone through a period, just after Hydra, of wanting to leave S.H.I.E.L.D., get away from the voice screaming in her head, from all her instincts telling her to run as far and as fast as she could, because how long would it be before it happened again. His story made her want to run away, to get an apartment in New York, to live there with her boyfriend (maybe even him), to have houseplants and a normal job and normal friends and to talk to people daily who didn’t have superpowers or a PhD. A pang of longing for normality shot through her, but there was a hint of something else. A hint of wanting to hold his hand, to smile with him, to be with him, to eat ice cream in winter with him. She reached out for his hand and he took hers, blue eyes smiling up at her.

“It was.” He replied, nostalgia rushing over him.

“Yeah, well, here’s to childhood.” She grinned, holding up her coffee.

“Here’s to childhood.” He echoed, bumping his tea against her cup.

* * *

  
  


“And what time do you call this?” Bella heard instantly as she stepped through the door to the common room, all the scoobies sitting in their pajamas waiting impatiently, Ava already asleep on Ed’s lap.

“Honey, I'm home?” She replied, echoing her twin from all those years ago.

“How was it, Bella?”

“Eithne not giving you grief?”

“Was he a gentleman?”

“Who paid?” 

“It was dandy, she’s suspiciously quiet, he asked before he kissed me and we split the bill, although we did only get ice cream.” She replied, moving from person to person before perching on the arm of Ali’s chair.

“He kissed you?” Jemma asked excitedly. Bella nodded.

“Before he left to go back to S-Charlie, cupped my cheek, said he’d really love to kiss me, so I beat him to it.” Bella said, blushing a little.

“Ughhh, what a guy” Ali sighed, wishing her and Piper were ever half that romantic anymore.

“How was the kiss?” Ed asked, her hands around Ava’s waist.

“Pretty good, I think, not that I have anything to judge it by.” She grinned. It was the first time she’d felt like herself since Hydra, since her world had toppled around her.

“And he treated you right? He was nice?” Daisy checked.

“Perfect gentleman the whole night.” Bella confirmed, nodding.

“Great, we don’t have to kill anyone.” Ed said, grinning. 

“Hiding the body would be a bitch, the guy’s tall.” Ali agreed, shifting a little to fold her legs under her.

“There would be the issue of transporting him as well, I suppose we could get a wheelbarrow” Jemma suggested. 

Daisy stayed quiet, as did Ava, who was just waking up. They’d both killed, not like Ed had, not like Bella had. They’d murdered people, torn them apart with their bare hands, they’d felt people die, they’d met death and kissed it. They weren't quite ready to joke about it.

“Maybe you could stop plotting how to kill the boy I’m seeing until you need to.” Bella pointed out, laughing all the same.

“Can never be too careful, Bells.” Ed said, getting up to go to bed (to be specific she had a paper to write and 2 hours to do it, so she was technically going to listen to the same song on repeat for 2 hours so she could sit still and do some work, but potato potahto).

“He has to know that we’re a threat,or he may get cocky. You’d know this if you did bio.” jemma tutted, taking Daisy’s hand and leading her to bed, Ava reaching out for them as the last of the warmth left the sofa. She whimpered pitifully, muttering her goodnight in Russian before collapsing into her own room.

“It was good? You’re okay?” Ali checked again. Bella nodded.

“Grand. I like him.” She decided.

“Excellent. I don’t want to murder him, so we’re off to a good start.” She decided, heading off to her own room. Bella left, her heart warm from their date, from finally the feeling of a new connection, the joy that came from talking to someone who wasn’t damaged. 

The thought of him made her happy, the thought of what they could be, of stability, finally, made her heart soar. Maybe this could be the start of something beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


	8. Weakness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for mentions of depression, bad eating habits, anxiety, nightmares, PTSD

Before S.H.I.E.L.D., Jemma had made it a rule never to pick up the phone if the number didn’t have a caller ID. Then she met a bunch of spies, and that rule didn’t seem to work anymore, as that was exclusively how people’s relatives seemed to communicate with them. 

“Hi, Simmons.” 

“Hello? Who is this?” Jemma asked, standing up to pace around the room, not because she was anxious, just because she seemed to be physically incapable of sitting down whilst on the phone.

“Just May. Look, I hate to do this, but Daisy missed her last two therapy sessions, is everything okay? Is she getting better?” Jemma’s heart fell. Daisy definitely wasn’t getting better, and it was killing her. There hadn’t been signs of improvement since Christmas, it was now February and she’d gone off food completely, just straight up stopped doing work and had even stopped with the trauma jokes (if Jemma was being honest she was slightly glad about that last one, Daisy seemed to find them hilarious though).

“Uh, I’m sorry but she hasn’t shown signs of improvement.” Jemma told her hand tapping her thigh, a little anxiously now. She wasn’t sure what the protocol was when someone’s parent called, what if Daisy was mad, or Jemma wasn’t supposed to say?

“Is she training? Sleeping? Does she go outside?” Daisy had recently elected to stop going to training everyday, claiming she was ‘taking autonomy over her learning’. Jemma hadn’t pitched in that it was in favour of sitting in her bed drinking coffee and shaking.

“She trains most days, I think, she sleeps better recently,” Jemma left out the part where they basically shared a bed every night, figuring that May didn’t really want to hear about that.

“And she goes outside to get to classes, but other than that I don’t think so.” That wasn’t true, strictly speaking. Daisy had a tendency to go for a run in the middle of the night, Jemma felt the quakes follow her. She wished she could join her, to keep her company, to let her know that she didn’t have to be alone, to go through this alone, but she seemed to be rejecting comfort.

“Okay, I’ll sort something out, thanks Jemma.”

“Wait, what-” May hung up. Bloody spies, can’t anyone have an upfront, normal conversation ever? She missed Fitz, he was so busy with Bella recently, they were building some prototype thingy that Jemma really couldn’t care less about.

“She’s not doing great?” Phil asked from beside her. May shook her head. 

“You know, Nat got injured on a mission recently, she can hardly walk. If Bobbi’s unavailable then we could station D.E.L.T.A. down there, they could help?” The original plan had been for Bobbi to be stationed at the academy for a few months, to see her sister and get Daisy back on her feet (slightly more forcefully than Jemma would, May loved her but sometimes she was a little too gentle).

“I don’t think Daisy would be best pleased to have a babysitter either way, even if she was the Black Widow.” May sighed. She didn’t know what to do. On one hand, she didn’t trust Daisy to be alone at school, even if she was with her friends. She needed some sort of supervision, someone to watch her, to make sure she eats, sleeps, goes to her classes, preferably avoids alcohol, and maybe even does some actual work. However, she knew that smothering her wasn’t the solution. They’d tried that, it hadn’t worked. She needed autonomy, to be able to make her own decisions for herself. Maybe Natasha would be perfect for that, and if Clint was down there too they could teach some masterclasses together. It would be good to get them out of the field for a while as well.

“I’ll talk to Nat later.” May decided.

* * *

  
  


“No.” May opened her mouth to talk, “Absolutely not, are you crazy?” Nat continued. She was definitely not the kind of person someone would want looking after their mentally ill teenager. She still felt like a mentally ill teenager.

“Come on Nat, just for a couple months. You won’t be in the field for a while with that leg anyway, might as well go to the academy.” Natasha shook her head.

“Clint will be there too.” May tried.

“I’m the Black Widow, May, I was hardly trained to look after kids.” Nat replied, although warming to the idea a little. 

“You just need to look out for her, train her, teach her to move on. Please.” May tried. Nat thought about herself when she’d first come back from Russia, when she’d met Clint and Phil. They’d basically dragged her ass out of the hole she seemed to keep digging herself into, they were willing to give her tough love. She was willing to bet Daisy’s friends were trying, but they were all trying to handle themselves. 

“Fine. I’ll do it, but you have to give me free reign.”

“Done.” May said, regretting it almost instantly. It was best, but it felt like she was giving in, like she couldn’t even take care of her own daughter properly. 

“When do I leave?” 

“Monday.”

* * *

  
  


“Come on, Zee.” Ed pleaded, standing over a sleeping Daisy, very obviously annoyed. 

“Don’t wanna.” Daisy protested. She didn’t wanna get up, she didn’t wanna exercise, and she certainly didn’t wanna meet Natasha Romanov.

“Just meet her, see how it goes.” Ed pleaded, seconds away from just ripping the covers straight off her bed and opening the blinds.

“No.”

“For your mom.” Ed tried.

“No.” 

She gave up, opening the blinds and tearing Daisy’s duvet away.

“I hate you.” She moaned, rolling over. 

“Daisy, bugger off so I can go back to sleep.” Jemma complained from behind Ed. They were literally in her room, it was 6am, and much as she loved Daisy, good sleep was hard enough to come by.

“Ughhh, I hate both of you.” Daisy complained, rolling out of bed and onto the floor, picking herself up and slouching off to her room.

“You think this’ll work?” Jemma asked Ed, looking rather disheveled in her nightshirt and messy braids, Daisy’s bunny in her arms.

“I hope so.” Ed replied. She’d been watching Daisy. Some days it was like nothing had happened, she sat with them and they laughed, they flirted, they watched TV and ate together and things were good. Other days quakes rocked the building, Jemma’s cries echoed throughout their halls and Daisy remained unreachable; other days she just didn’t show up, they heard nothing from behind closed doors and Jemma stood outside with them, waiting anxiously for some sign of life. Sometimes it was the other way round, and it was Daisy holding Jemma as she wept, or Fitz coming round to watch Doctor Who with them because none of them could cope with their guilt, their terror, their trauma. 

“She’ll be okay, Jay.” Ed promised, laying a comforting hand on Jemma’s shoulder before leaving. Jemma bit her lip nervously. It was so hard, so unimaginably painful, to have to try to manage her own trauma on top of Daisy’s, to have to watch her suffer and be powerless to stop it, somedays to be so buried deep in her own pain that all she could do was be held. She felt weak.

  
  


When they walked into the gym it was abuzz with excited Ops kids, talking about how the Black Widow was here, and maybe she was scouting for D.E.L.T.A., and maybe they could impress her, and what a legend she was. Daisy rolled her eyes as she made her way up to the gallery to see her, knowing full well that the great Black Widow loved her dad’s cheese toasties, and hated cold weather. She’d never actually met her, but she’d heard about her from her dad, and she knew Clint from staying at the farm a couple times. She knew Clint was deaf and took his hearing aids out when he didn’t want to talk to her dad, he drank coffee and only coffee, and apparently his Lila would be starting at the Academy next year. She remembered when Nat had been brought in, she’d been 6, it was 2008, there was talk buzzing through the Hub about the KGB, kid assassins, ballet. She’d been told to sit tight in her bed, that they’d be in mission control if they needed her. 

She turned into the gallery, seeing her sitting on the gallery ledge, legs swinging over the side, ignoring the excited chatter below her.

“You’re late.” She said as she heard Daisy walk in.

“It’s 7am.” Daisy protested.

“7.02am.” Natasha smirked, swinging around to face her.

“You know I’m only here for my mom.” Daisy said as she sat down.

“Great, I’m only here for her too.” She replied, cocking an eyebrow at Daisy.

“Well, as long as we got that cleared up, what do you want?” Daisy asked bluntly, ready to hear a lecture about hope and belief and ‘you did everything you could’. 

“You will meet me here every morning at 6.30 to train, we will go for a run, then we will spar, then strength training. You will eat breakfast with Morse and then you will go to all your classes, not just your electives, and meet me back here at 4. Instead of participating in the enhanced program, this term you will practice control with me, you will eat with Jemma at 6.30 and then you will spend time with your friends until 11, at which point you will go to bed.” Natasha said firmly. Daisy opened her mouth to protest but Natasha held up a hand to stop her.

“Trust me, May, there will be no fucking around or getting your panties in a twist, every morning and every evening you will be here. You know I’ll hear about it from Morse if you stop eating, and you’ll feel like death if you try staying up late. I’d recommend laying off the caffeine, but I’m not going to control what you put in your body.” Daisy was gobsmacked. What happened to the babying? What happened to the concerned looks and pitying sighs? And who the hell was Romanov to tell her what to do?

“What if I don’t?” Daisy challenged. Natasha shrugged.

“You’ll have me dragging your ass to explain to your mom what the hell you think you’re doing with your life and why the hell you can’t seem to handle yourself.” Part of her felt bad. The girl looked exhausted, her eyes were dull, her hair was limp, she was scarily thin. She knew how this felt, being forced out of a comfortable depression, being pulled from your horrors without any say in the matter, but nothing else would work. Sure, Daisy would probably hate her, but she didn’t feel any particular need to be liked by a sixteen year old, Coulson’s kid or not.

“Fine. When do we start?” 

“Now.” Natasha said, as though it were obvious. 

“Seriously?” Daisy groaned.

“You’re gonna have to stop that, May.” Natasha sighed, getting up to go down to the gym. God, what had her life come to? Training sick sixteen year olds. She was excited to meet Morse though, if she was anywhere as good as her sister she’d already be right up Nat’s alley. 

They ran first. Daisy had forgotten how much she loved it, feeling so free, being able to focus on just her breathing, on her own vibrations, letting everything melt with the thud of her foot on the pavement, with the beating of her heart. Outside she could breathe, when she ran she could think. She felt clear, finally, for the first time in what felt like weeks there wasn’t a fog, there wasn’t a cloud, there wasn’t a part of her that was still trapped there, there weren’t screams, there was no blood. There was just her, and she loved it.

* * *

“What’re you doing here?” Ava practically spat as she saw Natasha, pinning her to the wall, students clearing her a path, Ed and Daisy watching nervously

“Ava.” Nat sighed, looking down. Great. Guilt. 

“Vau, ty pomnish' moye imya. YA pol'shchen.” (Wow, you remember my name, I’m flattered.) Ava half yelled, her eyes on fire.

“Prosti, alyy.” (I’m sorry, red) Ava slammed her against the wall 

“Vam zhal'? Ty ostavil menya na dolgiye gody v polnom odinochestve, i tebe zhal'?” (You're sorry? You left me for years, all alone, and you're sorry?) Ava yelled. This was the woman who saved her life with promises of sisterhood, this was the woman who called her sestra, this was the woman who abandoned her for years, no words, no comfort, nothing apart from a shitty gift once a year with no note.

“Prosti, sestra, eto bylo k luchshemu. Mne prishlos'-” (I'm sorry, sestra, it was for the best. I had to-) Ava punched her.

“Ne opravdava svoi deystviya peredo mno.” (Don’t try and justify your actions to me) Ava whispered. She felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Vashka-”

“Not now, Edie.” Ava shrugged her off. 

“Ava, pozhaluysta.” (please) Ava turned to look at her.

“I said not now, Yesha.” She said again.

“Ava, let her go.” Ed said firmly. She knew full well that the Black Widow of all people was definitely capable of freeing herself, and that she could have already. Ed figured she wanted to talk.

“Why should I? You know what she did.” Ava asked, gesturing to Natasha, feeling tears of anger and grief and happiness and sadness and pure rage lift rise in her. 

“She’s here now, Vashka. You waited for so long, and I’m sure she feels awful, but she's here now.” Ed said softly, a little self conscious with basically the whole gym looking on. Ava let her go, Natasha standing up to her mighty height of 5’3”. 

“I’m sorry, sestra, I know I disappointed you, and you have every right to hate me.” Natasha said , wiping blood from her mouth where Ava’s fist had hit her.

“Don’t talk to me. Not yet.” Ava said coldly, reaching for Ed, needing contact, anything, a hug, to feel hands in hers

_Her lips against yours_

Ava scolded herself at the thought, leaning into Ed as she hugged her, burying her head in Ed’s chest, closing her eyes as she felt tears slip out, as she felt herself fall back to Odessa, to Somodorov, to her dad, her mom, to Ukraine, Russia, guards, screams, ice, ballet, guns, girls.

“Shh, Lya, you’re okay.” Ed soothed, stroking her hair, nodding her thanks to Daisy as she shooed the remaining kids away.

“Can we go?” she asked, not moving from where Ed was holding her.

“Yeah, of course.” Ed murmured, kissing her forehead gently as she took her hand, mouthing an apology to Daisy and Nat (they were supposed to train) before leaving.

“What was she talking about? What did she mean you left her?” Daisy asked Nat as they left.

“Odessa 2012. She was the last of Ivan’s girls. The last of the Widows.” Nat said softly, thinking about that night, that bill with the scribbled hourglass she’d pressed into her hands. 

“And you left her with S.H.I.E.L.D.?” Daisy asked. Nat nodded.

“My life isn’t to be shared with a child.” She said, her voice full of regret. She should’ve been there for her, she knew that. She could’ve shared their pain, could’ve let her in, but she didn’t. She protected herself instead of her sister, and for that she’d always be guilty.

* * *

Daisy’s alarm rang at 6.15 the next morning from Jemma’s desk, so far away. She felt her shift beside her, reaching for her alarm.

“Babe, turn that off.” She complained, burying her head in Daisy’s shoulder. Daisy sighed, wiping her bleary eyes to turn it off, kissing Jemma’s cheek as she left. 6.15am was ridiculous, leaving her girlfriend was ridiculous, and functioning on a grand total of 4 hours sleep was ridiculous (Jemma had a nightmare at 1, they’d stayed up until 3). She stumbled to her own room, grabbing tracksuit bottoms (damn Canada), a sports bra, tank top and hoodie, pulled on her sneakers and headed to the gym. She felt absolutely disgusting, the sun hadn’t even risen yet, she hadn’t showered, she hadn’t even had coffee. She wanted to crawl back into bed, cosy up with Jemma and just sleep, just stay in bed forevermore, no more stupid 6am training, no obligations, just free to do nothing for eternity.

“I told you to get some sleep.” Natasha smirked as Daisy arrived, looking like death.

“This was on Jemma.” Daisy admitted, setting off beside Natasha. They ran in silence for half an hour, Daisy escaping the waves of guilt, self hatred, emptiness that usually hit her in the morning. She outran them, letting them wash into the background.

Natasha watched her carefully as she seemed to disappear from the world, settling herself into observing as it ran by. The Morse girl overtook them a few times, Daisy utterly ignoring her, Ed off in her own world anyway. It was strange, watching them. She wondered if she was like that, if she ever retreated fully into herself. They went to the gym next to spar, most of the kids preoccupied with fussing over Clint who was bouncing around like a puppy, teaching them how to shoot. Him and Ed seemed to be getting on, so her and Daisy were left to spar in silence, Natasha correcting her form, suggesting her moves, the word control filling Daisy’s head. 

Daisy’s fighting style was similar to her mom’s, if slightly more feral. She’d obviously been highly trained, working for years, but at the moment she lacked motivation, she was holding back. Of course, Nat had never seen her use weapons, or her powers, so that could be a different story, but with her fists she lacked that flame, that passion, that fury that people put it into every ounce of their fights. There was no burn with her, it was like sparring with a ghost. 

Of course, Nat knew what it felt like, to not let yourself let go because you were scared of what could happen, and she knew that as Daisy came to trust herself, came to terms with herself, and started to trust Natasha that she’d eventually get it back. She knew she could never be whoever she was before, and she knew she’d never get to know that girl, but they could build her up again, into something new, something different, something stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	9. For Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...meh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no CWs, literally just fluff

Ed was getting fed up. Correction: Ed was getting gradually tenser everytime Ava was in the room because her lips looked so damn soft and her hand felt so good in hers and she couldn’t even tell if they were dating or not.

“You might as well just be dating, babe.” Ali told her over coffee. It was the one year anniversary of Hydra, they were all off timetable for various memorial activities, history lessons, lectures from S.H.I.E.L.D. veterans. Ed sighed.

“God, if only. She’s such a bottom.” Ed smirked, her mind wandering to a slightly unholy place.

“Ugh, I know. You two are so icky, and that’s coming from me. We’re like basically dating anyways, but you guys.” Ali just raised her eyebrows. It was true, they’d pretty much been obsessed with each other for years, but they’d already established that they’d be an absolute power couple, and it was the greatest tragedy of the twenty-first century that they had the absolute audacity to have no romantic feelings for each other (Piper hadn’t seemed to be best pleased with this conversation, they felt like a third wheel on their own date).

“I don’t even know what she wants though? Like sometimes she sits on my lap and she holds my hands and I can literally feel her breath on my lips, and then other times she’s calling me sestra?” Ed said, getting frustrated.

“Bloody lesbians, gotta sort yourselves out. Literally, I could cut yous’ tension with a knife.” Ali said, slurping her coffee.

“That’s the thing though, why is there so much tension?” Ed asked, speaking with her hands. Ali shook her head.

“You’re lesbians.” She concluded. 

“God, straight people must have it so easy.” Ed complained.

“Bella and Lincoln got together on their first date. He just kissed her, like where is the spice? Where are the years of pining? Where are the tipsy nights under the stars? Where is the ‘will they won’t they’”? Ali said exasperatedly, clapping her hands on her last syllables.

“You and Pipes got together pretty quick though.” Ed frowned.

“Yas, and then we took a seven month break, went through a literal war, didn’t talk for months and then got back together in one night.” Ali said in one breath. Ed nodded.

“Fair point, but not early as compelling as the 5 years of DJ pining after each other just for one of them to get shot.” Ed said, thinking about what a wreck they both were.

“They’re elsewhere today, I assume?” Ali asked. .

“I heard them leave at 5, after the quakes.” Ed confirmed. They’d been loud as well, deciding to shower and boil the kettle because apparently they were the only people in the world.

“What did you tell Romanov?” Ali knew what would happen if Daisy just didn’t turn up one morning.

“The truth. She didn’t seem to mind, got some quality bonding time with Ace, then we sparred.” By ‘quality bonding time’ she meant that Ava and Nat sparred and Nat took a few punches out of guilt.

“How’re they doing?” Ali checked.

“Well, Ava’s stopped trying to kill her everytime she sets eyes on her, so that’s an improvement.” Ed told her. 

“Dandy.” Ali said, getting up to put her mug in the sink, pouring herself a bowl of frosties.

* * *

“I don’t know what to tell you, alyy, you gotta make a move.” Oksana told her later that night in the library.

“Sana, I am a bottom.” She said, clapping on each sylabyll of bottom, “It’s simply not the way of the world. I just don’t know how long I have to tease her and drop hints poka ona ne potseluyet menya.” Ava whined.

“I mean, the last time I saw you together you literally called her sestra.” Oksana pointed out, Ava just groaned, laying her head flat on the table.

“Pat pat for Alya.” Oksana said, patting her curls. Ava turned to face her.

“Why won’t she just kiss me.” She moaned, heart panging with longing.

“Because she thinks you think of her as a sister?” Oksana suggested, just to be met with Ava’s middle finger.

“God, why do I kopat'sya v these holes?” Ava asked no one in particular.

“Because you’re a simp with self-destructive tendencies.” Oksana told her, giggling when Ava pushed her.

“YA ne nakhozhu tebya smeshnye.” (I don’t find you funny)

“Pozor, ya nakhozhu sebya vesely” (Shame, I find myself hilarious.) Oksana said, ignoring Ava in favour of her work. She was in the Comms academy, and had met Ava by chance, sitting by her in the library because she looked the closest to her age, and therefore the least scary. Since then they’d made it a habit to study together, Ava helping her with her history flashcards, Oksana helping her with her japanese terms.

“Why has God forsaken me?” Ava sighed as she sat up, face forlorn. Oksana wrinkled her nose.

“Maybe it’s the gay thing? Or the ginge thing?” She suggested helpfully.

“I’m not gay, I’m pan, and I’m not ginge, I’m auburn.” She corrected her.

“Either way, the big guy probably isn’t best pleased. You’re Russian, as well.” Oksana pointed out.

“Well it’s not like you’re an angel either, you black, Russian, asexual, aromantic demi-girl.” Ava poked back.

“Well sure, but I’m not the devil incarnate.”

“And neither am I!” Ava retaliated. Oksana sniffed.

“I’m not convinced.”

“That sounds like a you problem, Zena.” 

* * *

“All students report to the assembly hall for today’s memorial for fallen agents this day last year.” The intercom announced. Ava hadn’t been involved in the Hydra attack, they hadn’t bothered coming for her, and Oksana hadn’t even been a part of S.H.I.E.L.D. at the time, so neither of them knew much about it. Everyone in C-Niner avoided the topic like the plague when she asked, even though she knew for a fact they’d all been there. She’d only learnt that morning that it had been Daisy and Ed to turn the tide at the Prep, and hadn’t even known Jemma had been shot until she’d seen the list of injured. 

They both got up to leave, heading for the hall.

“Seriously, Eds, you’re like dating.” Bella said, rolling her eyes as they burst into her room that evening after their lecture from Sharon Carter, begging for her opinion. She was trying to do her work, and she’d just gotten Luna to sit down and sleep. She woke up promptly, jumping down to greet them, rubbing against Ed’s legs until she picked her up.

“But we’re not, and I don’t know why.” Ed complained, drawing out her vowels. 

“You’re useless bloody lesbians, that’s why.” Ali scoffed, sitting next to Ed on the floor.

“But how do we stop?” Ed asked, trying to nudge them into somehow being helpful. Bella of all people should know, she had the normalest relationship Ed knew. Lincoln had been around more recently, he’d even had dinner with them the other day (them being Ed, Bella, Jemma and Daisy. Ali and Ava kept irregular hours). He wasn’t as bland as previously believed, and Ed could talk to him about their classes. They’d played two truths and one lie last time, it had been fun.

“Uh, get over yourself and just kiss her?” Bella suggested, rolling her eyes.

“Well what if she doesn’t want me to?” Ed asked, exasperated. Luna walked out of her arms and started her routine circuits around Bella’s room, from the chair to the desk to the bed to the chest of drawers and round again and again and again.

“Then ask her?” Ali said, leaning her head forward and raising her eyebrows, one eye watching Luna.

“But what if she says no? I can’t deal with rejection.” Ed said, hands fidgeting in her lap.

“Then suffer.” Bella just said.

“Thanks, Bee.” Ed said sarcastically. 

“Anytime, Morse.” She grinned.

“I mean, you could just ask her out.” Ali suggested after a beat. 

That’s... actually a fair point” Ed conceded, sighing as she face palmed.

“What should we do?” She asked, looking helplessly from Ali to Bella.

“Well on mine and Piper’s first ‘date’ we went out on New Year’s Eve and lit sparklers. They kissed me at midnight.” Ali smiled fondly at the memory, the smell of smoke faint in the air, how her heart had sung.

“Lincoln and I just had ice cream by the beach. It was nice, not my favourite date of ours. The best was probably the fairground.” Bella said thoughtfully. 

“God how are both of your relationships so effortless?” Ed complained, the twins just scoffed. 

“Nothing effortless about it.”

“It’s damn hard work.” They said simultaneously. Ed raised an eyebrow.

“Not headed for splitsville?” Ed asked.

“Not at all. Just anxiety.” Bella laughed. Things were going great with Lincoln, just Eithne liked to bully her. Ali just shrugged. She loved Piper, really she did, it just didn’t feel like it did when they were younger. It felt more forced, like they were just together because it made sense, rather than because they really wanted to be. 

“Oh, Ali, trauma time in Piper town?” Ed asked, hitting her arm softly. Bella rolled her eyes, both not caring about when Ali and Piper would break up much.

“I wouldn’t say so, no. Not yet, anyway.” She teased, nudging Ed back. 

“Awh, Livenshka.” Ed fussed, patting Ali’s head. She batted her off, sticking her tongue out. Luna sprinted past them, off to find somewhere else to run around in circles. 

* * *

  
  


“Uh, Ava, hi, can I come in?” Ed asked, knocking on her door later that night and grinning bashfully as she opened it.

“Sure, golubushka.” she grinned, opening the door. Ed frowned.

“Did you just call me a duck?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and perching on her desk.

“I forget you’re not native, it’s affectionate, I promise.” She smiled. Ed spoke like a native, she understood idioms, she spoke fast, her accent was fluent. Ava assumed that was down to Bobbi, rather than S.H.I.E.L.D. Ed spoke even more languages than she did, and she spoke 10 (English, Russian, Japanese, Mandarin, Spanish, French, German, Catonese, Zulu and Swahili). 

“Well why isn’t it utka like a normal duck?” Ed asked, slightly annoyed at Russian for being uncooperative. Maybe she’d make Mandarin her new favourite, just to spite it.

“Golubushka is ducky, like dear or darling. It’s like dorogoy but cuter, pokhozhe.” Ava said thoughtfully. Ed nodded.

“Anyway, Russian’s fickle ducks aside, I was wondering if you’d like to come ice skating with me next week?” Ed blurted, not meeting her eyes.

“As in, a date, or as in a completely platonic companion outing?” Ava asked cautiously.

“A date. If you want it to be, of course.” Ed said hurriedly. She didn’t want to pressure her or anything.

“I’d like that, golubushka.” Ava smiled. Ed nodded.

“Okay. Saturday at 8?” Ed asked. Ava nodded, heart racing. Ed got up to leave, but Ava took her hand before she could go.

“I- I really like you, Yesha.” She said, looking into her eyes sincerely. Ed felt herself blush. 

“I really like you too, Vashka.” Ed confessed, leaning forward to kiss Ava’s cheek before leaving. Ava stopped her, catching her by the collar and standing up to face her, pulling her neck down so she could reach her lips. She kissed her, not desperately, not roughly, it was soft, she tasted like strawberries, or honey, something sweet. Ed lifted a hand to cup her face, running the other through her hair, inhaling sharply as their lips came together, deepening the kiss as she breathed her in. Ed smiled into her, pulling away for a moment to take her in. 

“Wow… that was…” Ava said breathlessly, breath hesitant as her eyes darted from Ed’s lips to her eyes.

“Yeah, it was a bit.” Ed chuckled, brushing a strand of red behind her ear. Ava looked up to her, eyes shy as she nudged Ed’s cheek with her nose, Ed’s spine tingling as she felt her breath on her lips. Their lips met, more desperate this time, longing for contact. Ava threaded her hands through Ed’s hair, Ed moving hers to meet her waist. She smiled into her, heart racing at her everything breath, every flutter of her lashes, nervous flick of her tongue. This felt right. She wasn’t sure if it was permanent, or where it was heading, but for right now, she was right where she was meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k more angst tomoz. tell me what you think of Ava and Ed!


	10. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here, have some pain :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for nightmares, mentions of self harm, mentions of disordered eating habits, mentions of insomnia, PTSD flashbacks, mentions of blood

Jemma was unpleasantly surprised for it to be Daisy rather than her to wake up on the third. They’d been expecting it, they’d both acknowledged that it would be a hard day, coming to a silent agreement that it was okay, that just for one day they could run, they could leave to be quiet, just together.

They awoke to the quakes at 5, Daisy rocking the room violently through her nightmares, crying in her sleep. Jemma shook her awake, rolling over to face her, stroking her hair as she woke, tears still streaming down her face. 

“Sorry.” She mumbled as she closed her eyes once again, feeling the quakes stop, Natasha reminding her that it wasn’t all about control, it was about power, and she was the one who had it. 

“It’s fine.” Jemma said softly, kissing her cheek. “Can we go somewhere else today? There’s going to be a memorial later, and an assembly. I don’t want to be here much.” Jemma asked, resting her head on Daisy’s chest. She felt her nod, lacing a hand through Jemma’s. Daisy didn’t need to hear lists of fallen agents, kids who died, kids who she should’ve saved. She didn’t want to hear her praise, didn’t want to hear Weaver talking about what a hero she was, didn’t want all eyes fixed on her, Quake, the daughter of the Cavalry, the first year who tore men apart. 

“We’ll go to the sea.” Daisy decided. She’d been a couple of times with Bella for their walks, Daisy found the vibrations calmer, and Bella loved the sound. They went at night when neither of them could sleep, just so they could feel a little normal, escape all the S.H.I.E.L.D. craziness.

“Thank you.” Jemma breathed, a knot in her stomach unwinding itself. She’d been waiting anxiously for months, for the pitying looks, the shoulder touches, the ‘you’re so strong’. She was sick of it, sick of the looks her professors gave her when Hydra was brought up, sick of her classmates avoiding the subject around her. Today she didn’t need it, today she needed Daisy, safe with her. 

“I couldn’t stay here, not today.” Daisy said, her stomach twisting as she remembered over and over again, the screams, her screams, the look on Jemma’s face as she realised.

“It’s okay. I couldn’t either. Natasha will be fine?” Jemma checked. Daisy nodded, grabbing her phone to check the time, wiping her tears away as her face was turned.

“It’s 5.” Daisy said, laying back down. Jemma kissed her lightly, brushing away a tear that was still rolling down her cheek.

“You wanna go now? We can beat the Ops kids on the way out.” Jemma asked, sitting up. Daisy nodded, getting up to go to her room, pulling on jeans, a S.H.I.E.L.D. tee and a jumper (maybe Ali’s, or even her own at some point). Jemma went to shower, as she always did first thing, Daisy not bothering. Daisy pulled her hair back in a ponytail, texting Natasha to tell her not to bother waiting for her, to train with Ed. Her heart was heavy, her mind split between here and there. Jemma met her in the corridor, cup of tea in one hand, coffee for Daisy in the other, wearing jeans, Daisy’s plaid and one of Fitz’s cardigans, wearing her Ravenclaw scarf that she’d finally gotten back from Bella. Daisy took her hand as they left, focusing on just her vibrations, just her breathing, her movement. They walked to the beach in silence, the sun rising above them. They could see their breath in the air, the March morning cold. Daisy was grateful for the fact they’d left early, on busy bad days, when she could feel people’s heart beat, those were the worst. Those reminded her of that moment, of the thud of the bodies, the feeling as she killed them, the anger that had blinded her.

They sat on the pebbles, Daisy exhaling as they sat, the calm of the sea cooling her down, its relaxed to-ing and fro-ing distracting her from the pressure of everything else.

“I’m proud of you, you know.” Jemma said thoughtfully, after a thick silence had hung over them for a half an hour, horrors playing out in both of their heads that no one deserved to see.

“What do you mean?” Daisy asked, shocked at the statement.

“I mean this time last year look at where we were. You were killing yourself over what happened. Look at you now.” Jemma smiled. She’d been scared for a while, scared that she’d never get better, that her arms would always be littered with red, that her waist would always be scarily thin, her sleep would always be haunted by her past. It wasn’t the case, far from it, in fact. It wasn’t perfect, they were far from okay, but it was better than Jemma could’ve expected. She didn’t sleep well, but she ate, and she smiled, and she joked. She would never be the same again, Jemma knew that, but she could be okay again.

“I can’t forgive myself.” Daisy whispered, hating every inch of herself. 

“It’s okay. Maybe it’s not about forgiveness, maybe that comes later. Maybe it’s about acceptance.” Jemma replied. She could never forgive herself, not for Hydra, for the effect it had on Daisy. She’d been over this practically every week with her therapist, coming to terms with what had happened, practicing releasing herself of her guilt. It didn’t work. It never seemed to work. It was frustrating, watching herself deny any life ring she was thrown, reject any form of help. The only person who could help Jemma was Jemma, and it annoyed the hell out of her. Daisy nodded.

“I’m proud of you too, you know. Not just because of Hydra, but because of who you’ve become. When I met you you were shy, quiet, you would only talk to me, and we only spoke about the stars. Since then you’ve become more incredible everyday. You’ve stood by me, and you’ve been solid, and through all the trauma, the insane shit, you’ve been the one with me, and you’ve stood your ground, and you’ve picked us up from the ground, and I’m so immensely proud of you, and grateful for you.” Daisy said in one breath, not meeting her eyes until the end, tears swimming behind them.

“I love you, Daisy May.” Jemma said, her voice shaking. This day was awful, this day would always be awful. It stood for everything they’d been trying to escape for a year, it was to commemorate soldiers who Daisy believed had died for her, it represented Jemma’s fear, her terror, her guilt. For both of them, it would only ever emphasise who they were, and who they became, and how far away those 15 year olds felt. It was easier together, to be with her, to feel her lips, her voice, her heart.

“I love you too, Jemma Simmons.” Daisy said, the only thing she could ever be sure about. She loved Jemma Simmons, and she would never let her go. 

“That’s the only thing I know, you know. For absolute certain, I will always know that it’s you, Daisy. That it’ll always be you.” Jemma said softly, echoing her own words. 

_ It’s always been you, Daisy May _

Daisy gasped softly as she remembered, her hands shaking as she remembered brushing Jemma’s tears away, Jemma’s weak smile, Ophiuchus, her blood on the floor. Those were the worst flashbacks. Not the ones where men died, nameless faceless agents. The worse ones were Jemma’s body, her weak heartbeat, her blood.

“Of course it’s you, Jems.” She murmured, brushing her thumb over Jemma’s cheek, Jemma leaning into her touch, bringing her hand up to hold Daisy’s against her face, smiling tearily at her.

_ You just hold on, you’re gonna be okay _

“You see it too?” Jemma asked, locking her spare hand with Daisy’s.

“Most days, now.” Daisy nodded, lifting her eyes to meet Jemma’s, both of them tired beyond their years.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” Jemma smiled, part of her actually believing it was true.

“No you’re not, Jems, but that’s okay as well.” Daisy said ruefully, opening her arms to hold Jemma. She leaned in, wrapping her arms around Daisy, both of them crying now, their tears meeting as they ran down their cheeks. Daisy leaned her forehead against Jemma’s, her eyes closed as she felt her breath on her lips.

“It’s okay.” Jemma echoed, partially to herself. Daisy kissed her gently, moving slowly, savouring the fact that they had all the time in the world, that they had each other. Jemma kissed back, a cold hand resting on the back of Daisy’s neck, her other hand comfortably on her waist.

“I love you.” 

“Love you too.”

* * *

They returned to C-Niner later for 6:30 dinner, Daisy freezing as they walked past Ava’s room.

“What?” Jemma asked, but Daisy shushed her.

“Ed and Ava got together.” She whispered excitedly, holding out a hand to Jemma who sighed, handing her a tenner from her wallet.

“Daisy! wǒ yǐjīng gàosùguò nǐ bié zài zhè yàng zuòle, zhè hěn quài!” (Daisy! I already told you to stop doing that, it’s weird!) Ed called breathlessly, Daisy not even wanting to know what her energies were being channelled towards. Contrary to popular belief (Ali), her and Jemma had been pretty innocent, making out, but no further than second base. They’d already agreed that that could wait, that first they’d sort themselves out, then they could worry about sex. 

“Wǒ yǐjīng gàosùguò nǐ wǒ wo neng wéi lì!” (And I already told you that I can’t help it!) Daisy replied, following Jemma through to the common room where Ali, Bella and Lincoln were playing with Luna.

“You guys okay?” Ali asked, looking up from where they were fussing her.

“Yeah. We’re okay.” She said, taking her hand and squeezing it..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	11. Improvement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im absolutely knackered im so sorry if this it badly edited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for past thoughts of self harm, mentions of depression, mentions of eating disorders, mentions of PTSD, mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of alcohol, mentions of dissociation
> 
> oml im so sorry, i swear it's not that angsty, just a psych eval

Daisy slipped out of bed, kissing Jemma’s forehead gently as she left. She didn’t wake, just pulled the duvet tighter around herself and grumbled a little, moving to fill the empty space that Daisy left. They really should get bigger beds. It wasn’t like they could sleep separately, and much as she loved cuddling, it’d be nice not to spend every night utterly entangled with Jemma.

She’d been excused from classes for the day, instead travelling over to The Cocoon for her monthly power reassessment, as well as yet another psych eval. The power assessment she didn’t mind, it was the psych evals she hated. The same questions, month in month out. ‘Have you had any thoughts of harming yourself and others’ ‘How do you cope with your depression?’ How often in the last two weeks blah blah blah blah blah. She’d tried simply not turning up, but that had just resulted in her being dragged out of her software engineering class in favour of sitting in a smelly office for hours whilst they sorted out a psych to come talk to her.

So, here she was, pulling on jeans and Ali’s docs (she was sure she wouldn’t mind), buttoning a scruffy plaid over her bra and pulling on a leather jacket at the revolting hour of 7am. It was one thing to train at 6.30, it was another to have to get up and shower and try to stomach food at 7. Although, she supposed that eating was hard no matter what hours she kept. It just didn’t taste like it used to, everything seemed flavourless, utterly boring, just like chewing mush and trying desperately to swallow. She tried though, for Jemma.

She bumped into Ed on her final lap on her way out, and was utterly ignored, Daisy not taking much offence. She was probably like that too when she ran. She made her way to reception to wait for whoever to come pick her up, pleasantly surprised to see Natasha already waiting there.

“Nín hái méiyǒu qítā shì líng yào zài ma?” (Don’t you have something else to be doing?) Daisy asked as she approached, hands in pockets.

“Wúlùn rúhé, wǒ bìxū qù nãr, bùyào zìqīqīrén.” (I have to go up there anyway, don’t flatter yourself kid.) Natasha said, smiling all the same. Daisy had to admit, Natasha had grown on her. Initially she’d been sceptical, mostly because an internationally renowned spy showed up at her school one day and made her look after herself, partially because she wasn’t quick to trust, not anymore. 

“Bù huì mèngxiǎng.” (Wouldn’t dream of it) Daisy said. Natasha led the way to the Quinjet that was waiting for them, a luxury Daisy didn’t usually get. Usually she got a 3 hour train ride with some low-level agent, some painfully awkward silence, and maybe a coffee at the station if she was lucky. Daisy sat in the co-pilot seat, watching Nat carefully as she flew, hoping to take classes herself in third year (unfortunately she’d have to be 18, and she wouldn’t even be 17 for another two months). She knew Ed could fly, unofficially of course, suspecting that had something to do with Bobbi and Ed’s knack for picking things up quickly.

They flew in silence, as both of them liked it. Conversation was harder, she found, it drained her quicker than it used to. It used to come easily to her, she could smile and laugh and move the conversation on no problem. Now it took effort, concentration, forced smiles and slow reactions. She’d feel herself drifting off half way through, and she’d have to drag herself back to Earth. It was easier with Jemma, or Bella. They didn’t mind her blank stares, her sudden changes in mood. She knew Natasha would understand, that she wouldn’t make a fuss, but it was easier to just be quiet, to let herself drift away, give in to the familiar paths her mind took. 

“Kay, ditya, up.” Natasha said as she landed in the hangar, poking Daisy in the ribs, making her squirm. 

“Ugh.” Daisy said in disgust as she thought about the upcoming psych eval.

“It’s fine. That’s what I’m here for too.” Natasha confessed. Daisy looked up in surprise.

“What can I say, I’ve been around for 12 years and they still don’t trust me.” She scowled. She knew it was all Phil who was making them look out for her, no matter how much he denied it. 

“I know, right? Walk into a war for them and all they have to say about it is ‘you’re a danger to yourself, Daisy’, ‘We’re just looking out for you, Daisy’” She sneered. Natasha smiled slightly, making her way out of the Quinjet, a slightly cheerier Daisy following behind her. It helped knowing that it wasn’t just her and Jemma who were being babied, as Ali, Bella and Ed didn’t seem to be very high on their list of concerns. If the Black Widow had to have regular psych evals as well, how bad could it be? Well, she knew exactly how bad it could be, but it helped to know she wasn't alone. She knew her mom had to have them too, because of what had happened in Bahrain. Jemma had them as well, partially because of Daisy, and Jemma getting shot, but it seemed like now it was mostly for her autism diagnosis (she still hadn’t actually gotten the letter confirming her diagnosis, apparently S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t the most efficient organisation). 

They wandered through the halls, Daisy eventually coming to the familiar elevator that would take her up to the offices.

“Vstretimsya za obedom?” (I’ll meet you for lunch?) Natasha asked.

“Yeah. I have my enhanced eval later, so I have to stick around for that.” She said, scrunching her nose slightly.

“I’ll stick around, fly us back down to Ontatrio in the QJ.” Natasha nodded, going her own way to meet whatever doctor they’d give her this time around.

Daisy knocked anxiously on the door, met by a tall black man standing on the other side, smiling at her. She was already annoyed. Just at that smile, that sickening, kind look in his eyes.

“Hello, Daisy, come on in.” He said, gesturing for her to enter. She slouched in, hands in pockets, and flopped onto the desk chair nearest her side of the room. He had the nicest office she’d been in for one of these, she had to hand it to the guy. Her case officer (whoever they may be) had given her a different doctor each time, not that she knew why. She still saw Elizabeth twice a week, of course, and her office was beautiful. She had house plants and posters and her chairs were soft. She had a basket of fidget toys (Daisy liked the cubes) and she always opened the windows for her. 

“My name is Sam, not that that matters to you.” He said, holding out his hand for her to shake. She took it, slightly surprised at the introduction. They usually didn’t bother with the formalities, just skipping to the interesting bit.

“So, your last assessment was on the 14 th of April 2019?” He asked as he opened her file. She nodded. 

“And you’re on Sertraline?” He asked. She nodded again. Her happy pill, as she called it. She wasn’t sure if it worked, but she didn’t want to kill herself  _ all  _ the time, so that was technically an improvement.

“Okay, so, Daisy, on a scale of 1-10 how have you been feeling this month, 10 being amazing, 0 being suicidal.” He said calmly. She hated how casually they threw words around, how she was already just another 10 digit number to him.

“4.” She decided. That was one better than last time, and she figured if she showed signs of gradual improvement they’d fuck off.

“Okay, and have you had any thoughts of harming yourself or others?” He asked. 

“Not as often as I used to.” That technically wasn’t a lie. She had noticed a decrease in the amount of thought she put to slitting her wrists, or just quaking herself apart. She still had a plan, of course, should anything ever happen to Jemma, but she had no intention of acting upon it in any other circumstance. That was different to how she was a year ago. 

“So that’s a yes?” He asked again. 

“Yeah.” She sighed.

“Thank you for being honest. What about eating?” He checked. She’d made the abysmal mistake of mentioning her eating habits (or lack thereof) to a doctor and so now it was mentioned every time.

“I don’t eat breakfast, I usually have lunch and I have dinner everyday.” She said dully. He nodded.

“And you mentioned in your last assessment that you didn’t enjoy eating because food tastes bland, is that still the case?” She just shrugged. That was true, 100%, but she was ashamed to admit that some days she yearned for the ache of an empty stomach, that some part of her congratulated her hunger. 

“Okay, and alcohol consumption?” He asked, running his eyes down the checklist.

“Irregular. I’ll get drunk with Ali occasionally, and sometimes I’ll have a beer in the evening but it’s not a problem.” She said firmly. It wasn’t. Sure, she liked it, and so she tended to avoid it. She found that she got addicted to things quickly: self harm, starvation, she didn’t need to add alcohol to the list as well, not at the ripe old age of 16, or ever, for that matter.

“Okay, that’s fine. What about sleeping?” 

“Sleeping is fine at the moment.” She said abruptly. Since meeting Natasha and having to get up at 6.15 every morning she’d been asleep by 12 every night. 

“Excellent. You get outside often?” He asked, reading the bit in her file describing what helped with her symptoms of PTSD.

“I run every morning, and I stargaze with my girlfriend quite a lot. I train with my powers outside sometimes as well, it’s... clearer.” She said, gesturing vaguely around her head.

“What do you mean, clearer?” He asked, listening more intently.

“Well, like inside everyone’s vibrations are coupled with the buildings’, and the equipment’s, but outside there are less people, and the trees aren’t as intrusive as buildings. It’s kinda hard to understand if you can’t feel everything vibrating.” She tried to explain, knowing he couldn’t understand what she was on about.

“So it’s hard for you to be inside?” He asked, but she shook her head.

“That’s only really applicable if I’m using my powers. The rest of the time I can just tune it out usually, but obviously when I need to listen I need to listen.” She tried. It frustrated her when people couldn’t understand, mostly annoying herself at her lack of finesse when describing what her powers were like.

“I see. How are you coping with your powers? Are you controlling them well?” He hated asking inhumans this question, but it had to be asked.

“It’s not about control, or it’s not just about control anyway. It’s about power, and who has it.” She told him, a glint in her eye. He smiled.

“So I assume your training with Romanov is going well?” He’d read about them in her last evaluation notes, it seemed like a brilliant idea on someone’s behalf. 

“Yeah. That definitely helped the most.” She replied. He nodded, writing that down as well.

“Okay, last question then you can leave. When was the last time you had a flashback or a dissociative episode?” She had to think about that.

“Flashback the day before yesterday, dissociated for a couple days last week, but that doesn’t happen much anymore.” She said hurriedly. 

“Okay, and that’s you done, Daisy. These notes will be sent to Elizabeth and your mother, if that’s okay?” She shrugged. It wasn’t okay, not really, but she’d tried refusing before and that had gone down like a led balloon.

“Thank you. You’re expected in T-Bravo-14 at 2 for your enhanced eval, and then you can be home in time for tea.” He said as he got up to open the door for her. She left without another word, wandering to the cafeteria where Natasha was already waiting.

“Scale of 1-10?” She asked teasingly.

“Negative ten thousand, and yourself?” Daisy said with a huff.

“Similar. You get used to them after a few years.” Natasha promised. 

“It’s not that they’re even that bad, just completely annoying. Different guy, same suit,  cada vez . Same old questions, same old clipboard.” Daisy complained.

“Are you allowed to read your file?” Natasha asked, curious. Daisy shook her head.

“Neither. The only people cleared for yours are your parents, Hill, Fury, Hand, Weaver and Hartley if that helps.” Natasha offered. Daisy raised her eyebrows.

“You haven’t read my file?” 

“I haven’t even read my file.” She chuckled. She didn’t really want to, knowing that it would list all the horrors she’d committed, all her dirty laundry right in front of her.

“I considered hacking into the S.H.I.E.L.D. servers a while ago to read them, but Jemma told me not to.” Daisy pouted.

“That’s probably best.” Natasha reasoned. Daisy stuck her tongue out at her.

“Wow. Real mature.” She said, sipping her coffee.

“That’s me.” 

* * *

“Okay, May, this evaluation should be pretty simple, all we’re gonna need from you is a quick demonstration of your powers in various scenarios, a combat demo and some blood work and you’re free to go.” The trainer said. She preferred this part of the evaluations, she got to destroy stuff and damage men’s egos, what’s not to like?

They started off simple, just asking her to knock stuff over from across the room, mostly just weights, as they couldn’t get actual cars or buildings in there. Then she had to separate things from where they were before, like ripping branches off trees, only they had no trees, so, once again, they just had her use weights. Then came her favourite part, they’d shoot stuff at her and she’d deflect it in any way she could, usually by literally ripping it apart atom by atom, but sometimes she’d turn it back around or just stop it in midair. 

After that was the combat evaluation, in which she was pitted against trained agents so they could judge her against functioning field operatives. Since she started training with Nat, she’d not only picked up extra S.H.I.E.L.D. techniques, but also KGB ones, or just Natasha’s own. Therefore, her combat and tactical technique had improved drastically. She still had nothing on Ed, blame the PhD in comp-sci that she spent years on for that, but she would be a good field agent, or a specialist, should she so wish. So far she’d been adamant that she’d stay in comp-sci, she didn’t want to be away from Jemma, or have her life constantly in danger, but the likelihood of her being allowed to stay safe and warm at The Hub seemed to be getting smaller.

She was against a woman first, then a man, then both of them, then three guys, then two, all of whom she beat without so much as breaking a sweat. In fairness to them, it wasn’t exactly a fair fight, and she’d trained with the best S.H.I.E.L.D. had to offer. 

Finally, she headed for the lab to have blood drawn so they could add it to their collection and then called Natasha, who she found beating up a bunch of new recruits from the Academy. Daisy had to practically drag her away, they packed themselves back up into a Quinjet and, as promised, Daisy was home in time for tea.

* * *

“How was it?” Jemma asked as she collapsed in bed next to her, shoving Jemma’s laptop out of the way and wriggling into her arms.

“Shitty.” Daisy mumbled into her neck, making Jemma squirm a little. 

“Sorry.” She said, kissing her cheek instead of the sensitive spot on her neck. Another time, she thought to herself.

“It’s fine. Guess what came in the post today?” Jemma said excitedly, changing the subject. 

“What?” Daisy asked, not moving.

“My results for the ASD screening.” Daisy looked up. Finally. She’d been waiting for 6 months, and it was finally here.

“And what’s the diagnosis, doc?” She asked, sharing Jemma’s excitement.

“Positive.” She grinned. Daisy sighed, kissing her quickly.

“That’s great, Jems.” She said happily. They’d talked about this, every step of the way, and finally it was here, and it was positive, and all those years of being ignored or made fun of finally made sense.

“It is. I have a meeting with Weaver tomorrow about accommodations.” She said proudly. Daisy kissed her again.

“I’m happy for you.” She smiled. 

“I’m happy for me too.” Jemma grinned. Finally, after growing up confused, and misplaced in mainstream school, she could identify the reason why, she could tell people that this was what she needed, she could argue for things in the lab to be kept how she liked them, she could fidget freely in class. She couldn’t wait to tell Fitz tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	12. Gaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pure fluff :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brief mention of bullying

Ed gaped as Ava walked into her room, hair still wet from the shower, wearing nothing but a towel.

“Can I braid your hair?” She asked excitedly, slamming her laptop shut. She hated work, just generally. Made her feel all trapped and icky, like she was trying to sit in a classroom again. Ava raised an eyebrow at her.

“Was that not important?” She asked, gesturing to the laptop. Ed shrugged.

“Your hair is wet and I’m gay, sit down.” She said, shuffling back. Ava laughed.

“Can I put some clothes on first?” She said, walking over to her dresser to steal a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. Ed looked away as she got dressed, ever the lady (or maybe not really wanting to go into full gay panic at 5 in the evening, they still had dinner later).

“Now, sit.” She said impatiently, opening her legs so Ava could sit between them, her head tipped back. 

“Good girl.” She praised, grabbing her hair brush and brushing through her curls gently, wanting to braid it before it dried and became impossible to manage. Ava preened a little at that, fidgeting in her lap. 

“You had a good day?” Ava asked. She wished sometimes that Ed was chattier, more open. It felt like she couldn’t quite let her in, like there was something between them, holding her back.

“Fair. A little sore from training earlier, kinda wishing we had a bath. But it was good. How about you?” She replied, nimble fingers tying half her hair up so it was out of the way, getting to work on the braid itself.

“Saw Sana earlier which was good. Luna was being all cute after you left as well, came in and cuddled me because SOMEBODY insists on getting up to train at disgusting o’clock in the morning.” Ava said playfully, poking her knee. Ed squirmed, tugging her hair a little.

“I’m physically incapable of staying asleep for more than 6 hours, and it’s not like I can stay in bed after waking up for more than 5 minutes, what do you think I am, neurotypical?” That wasn’t  _ strictly _ true. She could spend hours in bed daydreaming after she woke up, but if she allowed herself to she’d never get moving.

“I know, Yesha. But hey, your cat prefers me now, so that’s a plus.” Ava teased. Ed gasped.

“The little traitor!” She exclaimed. She’d have words with her later about that. 

“Well, she’s cuddly, and you simply cannot sit still.” Ava shrugged. 

“But hey, when she wants to run all over the place and annoy people, I’m her gal.” Ed said, half joking.

“You’re not annoying, milaya.” Ava sighed. Ed shrugged again, continuing her braid.

“Mkay.” She just said, not in the mood for this debate again. She tied off the braid and moved to the other side of her hair, taking it out of its ponytail and brushing through it. Ava sighed, leaning back into the brush. 

“It’s been ages since someone brushed my hair.” She confessed, smiling as Ed continued. 

“When was the last time?” She asked, continuing gently. Ava furrowed her brow.

“Must’ve been my matushka, ve Odesse.” She frowned, trying to remember. 

“Woah, that’s like 13 years!” Ed exclaimed, quickly covering her mouth with a hand.

“Sorry.” She said softly, leaving forward to kiss her cheek softly. Ava leaned into her, closing her eyes as she took a breath. She missed her mother, her father, their little apartment, her den under her table at the lab. She only remembered snippets of them, of her mother teaching her to dance, her father giving her that doll, the one who’d never left her side. 

“It’s okay.” She said quietly, turning her head to kiss her quickly before letting her continue her braids. Ed felt bad, knowing that they’d had drastically different childhoods. When she was 9 her biggest concern had been the fact that her mom wouldn’t let her have dinosaur nuggets for every meal. When Ava was 9 she’d been a human experiment, tortured, recruited, made into a weapon. She started the second braid gently, getting a little bored now, working quickly as they talked, tying it off at the end.

“Tam. Ocharovatel'ny.” (There. Adorable.) she said sweetly, kissing her head. 

“Spasibo.” She said, turning around so she could kiss her again, Ed grinning into her. 

* * *

  
  


Jemma choked on her tea.

“You don’t know how to make pasta?” She yelled, getting up from the sofa where she overheard Ali and Daisy’s conversation. 

“No…” Daisy said, slightly scared that Jemma was going to attack her. 

“Who’s cooking tonight?” She demanded. 

“Me. I was just gonna order everyone Thai.” Ali said. Jemma shook her head.

“Not anymore. I’m teaching my utterly useless girlfriend how to do the most basic bloody thing.” Jemma said, Daisy giggling slightly at how fed up she sounded.

“This is why you’d all be dead if I wasn’t here, living off junk food and take outs.” She mumbled, getting pasta out of the cabinet.

“And we love you for it, Jems.” Daisy said, following her. It wasn’t like she was utterly useless, she could make other things. Just, no one had taught her to make pasta before, and when it was her turn to cook she ordered in, the smell of food making her feel sick sometimes.

“Okay, first you gotta make the sauce. You can cut the onions, I’ll open the tintoms and crush the garlic.” Jemma said, handing her a chopping board and knife expectantly. 

“Uh, about that…” Daisy said, looking helplessly from the onion to Jemma and back to the onion.

“You have  _ got _ to be kidding me? How’re you not  _ dead _ ?” Jemma raised her eyebrows. Daisy shook her head slightly, trying not to laugh at the comical expression on her face.

“Hey, there was hardly time for cooking at The Hub, and my dad just never taught me. Obviously we were at the prep and so I didn’t learn there, and now we have the joy of delivery.” Daisy shrugged. Jemma sighed.

“Okay, well, you can get the tomatoes and I’ll do the onion.” Jemma decided, trying not to facepalm. Cooking was just always something she’d known how to do, it was like making a cup of tea. 

“Great.” Opening a tin she could do, easy as pie. Jemma’s eyes started to tear up as she did the onion, stinging quickly. Daisy looked over at her to see her crying hands over her eyes, knife and onions abandoned.

“Jem? Are you okay?” She checked, asking softly. The onion thing didn’t even occur to her. Jemma chuckled.

“Fine, it’s just the onion.” right. The onion thing. She’d never known if that was a myth or not, finding it utterly bizarre. 

“Poor Jay.” Daisy said, brushing a tear away with her thumb. 

“I can do the onions if you want?” She offered. Jemma nodded gratefully, washing her hands under the sink before taking over Daisy’s tomatoes. Once the onions had been chopped (rather chunkily), the garlic had been crushed and the tomatoes were open, Jemma got out a saucepan, glugging some olive oil in there and dumping in the onions and garlic.

“How long do they need?” Daisy asked, hovering behind her.

“Until they’re soft.” Jemma told her, stirring them around with a wooden spoon. 

“Annnnd how long will that take?” Jemma shrugged.

“About 10 minutes?” She suggested, still poking them around. Daisy wrapped her arms around her hips, pulling her back into her and kissing the spot on her neck that made her whine unconditionally.

“Enough time for this?” She asked softly, shivers running down Jemma’s spine. She laughed, turning around to kiss her.

“I’m gonna go ahead and say no, but I like the way you think.” She murmured. Ali made retching sounds from the sofa.

“Grow  _ up _ , Alice.” Daisy sighed, rolling her eyes. 

“Hey, if I can’t have a snog in the kitchen, then  _ no one _ can have a snog in the kitchen.” She shrugged. 

“God, y’all have such ugly ways of putting it.  _ Snog. _ ” She said, scrunching her face in disgust, “Why can’t you just say making out?” 

“Because we grew up watching Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging and Jemma went to an English primary school.” Daisy scrunched her nose again. 

“I mean, technically I did too.” Daisy pointed out, but Jemma stopped her.

“Year three is not a sufficient primary school experience. You have experienced nothing until you’ve been forced out onto the playground in the dead of English winter for an hour every lunchtime just to be bullied everyday for not wanting to flick peas across a canteen.” Jemma said smoothly, smirking a little at the horrified look on Daisy’s face. Ali shrugged.

“Ah, primary school days.” She sighed.

“God, I’m so glad I didn’t go to school for the first 11 years of my life.” Daisy said. She thought she’d missed out. Evidently she had not. 

“Well, at least you met me.” Jemma said sweetly, poking her a little.

“At least I met you.” And Ali was retching again.

“Dude!” Daisy yelled, quaking her back onto the sofa a little.

“Dude!” Ali yelled back, chucking a pillow at her.

“Literal children.” Jemma mumbled, going over to check the onions and garlic. She ended up finishing it alone, leaving Ali and Daisy to make a mess in the living room area (although if they hurt the picture of Luna above the TV they’d better run).

An hour and a half later, she went to knock on Ava’s door for dinner, but Daisy stopped her.

“They’re uh, busy, if ya know what I mean.” She winked. 

“Fabulous. And Bee’s at Lincoln’s?” She checked. Ai nodded.

“Just us tonight then.” She concluded, sitting down to eat.

* * *

  
  


“Trashy rom coms, pizza and ice cream?” He asked as he opened the door.

“I love you.” She grinned, following him through the door. 

“Love you too. Pizza’s gonna be here in 10, I got cookie dough and phish food cos I didn’t know which one you liked, and I have Netflix, Prime and Hulu, all of which Daisy obtained for me 100% legally.” He smiled, walking into his room, which he’d tidied specifically for her (you usually couldn’t see the floor).

“Oh my God, I really do love you.” She laughed at the little scowl on his face, pulling him down by his collar to kiss him lightly before flopping onto his bed, already exhausted.

“Long day?” He asked.

“Up to ninety since eight.” She sighed. 

“You gotta know I have no idea what that means.” She frowned.

“Uh, it’s like I’ve been really busy since I got up, I guess.” 

“Hm, neat.” He said. He really should keep a hand book or something of all the Irish slang she used. He’d tried talking to Ed and Daisy about it, but he supposed that growing up with them had kinda made them immune.

“I had to get used to crips being chips and chips being fries, you’ll learn.” She promised. He almost choked.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” He laughed.

“Okay, right. A packet of chips to you, is a packet of crisps to me. But we call ‘fries’ chips, you get me?” She tried to explain, but he looked confused.

“Come on babe, it’s like how you call a pavement a sidewalk.” She said, as though it was obvious.

“You’re speaking another language at the moment.” She sighed, before coming up with the idea of the century.

“We’re watching Derry Girls.” She decided. He was scared.

“What’s that?” He asked cautiously.

“The peak of Irish TV.” She smiled.

“Super.” He sighed.

“Aw, feck off, if I can sit through 10 seasons of friends then you can watch 4 hours of this shite.” She shoved him.

“Hey, you watched friends on your own, I made you watch The Simpsons.” He defended.

“Aye, 30 bloody seasons of it, that’s-” she worked out the number of episodes quickly, “That’s like 670 episodes.” 

“How did you work that out so fast?” 

“Advanced maths A-Level.” She said, pointing finger guns at him.

“Okay, hate to ask, but what the fuck is an A-Level.” She raised her eyebrows.

“C'mon dude, even Daisy knows that one. It’s an English thing, in Ireland we have Leaving Cert. The closet thing you guys have is that SAT, but that’s dog piss easy in comparison.” 

“Okay, so you have A-Levels, even though you’re Irish?” This was confusing.

“Yeah, the prep was in Scotland.” She shrugged.

“But Ed doesn’t have A-Levels?” She shook her head.

“She was in Ops, so she has a bunch of fancy ass qualifications or whatever, had agencies on her arse from like 15.” She explained.

“Okay, but wasn’t Daisy in Ops as well?” Bella frowned.

“Yeah, she did A-Levels in Comp-Sci or whatever, and she got a couple Ops qualifications as well or something. I think she stopped Ops in second year anyways.” 

“Super, so in conclusion, your education system is confusing as hell, and Americans just don’t appreciate how hard A-Levels are?” She nodded.

“That’s about the gist of it, aye.” His phone pinged.

“Pizza’s here, I’ll go grab it, you can get your Berry whatever up.” He said, pointing to his laptop. 

“It’s Derry, or Londonderry, depending on your persuasion.” She quoted, trying not to laugh at how confused he looked. 

“I’ll explain later, go get the pizza from downstairs.” She told him. He did so, returning five minutes later with a veggie for himself, a meat feast for her. She’d grabbed the ice cream from the freezer and cider from the fridge, trying not to puke at the piles of dirty sinks in their sink, saying hi to Davis and Robbie as she went.

“Class.” She sighed, digging in as she pressed play, shuffling over so he could sit next to her.

_ ‘My name is Erin Quinn, I am 16 years old and I come from a place called Derry, or Londonderry, depending on your persuasion.’ _ He pressed pause.

“Depending on your persuasion?” He asked. 

“Right, the war. Uhh, I’m from the Republic so I’m not the best person to ask, but there were The Troubles back in the 1990s. Basically some of the wee bastards wanted to leave the UK and become United with the Republic, others wanted to stay in the UK. So, I guess the nationalists woulda called it Derry, the unionists called it Londonderry.” She explained. 

“Wait, there was a war in the 90s in Ireland?” 

“Bloody Americans.” She just sighed, pressing play again. He tried to pause it again at least 6 times within the first 10 minutes, she eventually told him to shut his trap and just watch.

“Wait, so Ali based her personality off Michelle, correct?” Bella smirked.

“Yes, 100%.” 

“Right.” He nodded, utterly confused. He liked James, that was exactly how he felt whenever he was around all of them at once. None of them ever seemed to be speaking the same language, Ali and Bella brought out each others’ accents, Jemma and Fitz had 4 PhDs and seemed incapable of saying a sentence he could actually understand, and just when he thought he could figure out what language Ed or Daisy was speaking they’d change again. But hey, he loved Bella, so he’d figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i'm really sorry buttt updates might not be daily this week. i'll try but it's the end of term so i have approx. 10,000 exams, sorry!


	13. Don't Die Out There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy fluff fluff

“Yeah?” Ed said expectantly, picking up the phone. It was 6am, who in their right mind would be calling at this hour?

“Eds, hi, all of you, reception, 15 minutes.” Bobbi said over the phone, sounding breathless.

“Bob? What? Explanation?” Ed asked, jumping up and yanking on some sneakers anyway.

“Hunter and I got engaged, we’re eloping, you kids are coming and you have no choice, see you in 15.” She said before hanging up. Ed chucked her phone onto her bed, sighing as she cursed the entire organisation. Seriously, she loved training, but only getting mysterious 30 second calls from her sister? That was annoying. She shoved a charger, a water bottle, Riptide, some hair ties and sunglasses into a tote bag and started knocking on doors. Luna followed her expectantly, slinking between her legs so Ed could barely walk.

“Kids, you wanna take a break from being horny teens and get out here?” She yelled, banging on Jemma’s door. A disgruntled Daisy opened it, wearing a sports bra and running shorts

“Shénme?”

“Bobbi, wedding, be by the door in five.” Ed said hurriedly, scooping up Luna and handing her to Daisy with an annoyed meow. Daisy took her, plopping her down on the bed before pulling on some denim shorts and a plaid shirt.

“¿What está pasando?” Jemma asked wearily, sitting up and running a hand through her hair.

“Uh, Bobbi, Wedding, be by the door in five.” Daisy quoted as she grabbed a necklace and leaned down for Jemma to fix its clasp behind her neck. Jemma sighed, wiping her eyes and fixing it for her, dragging herself out of bed and to the shower after grabbing a knee length white skirt and a white button up embroidered with sunflowers. It was summer. Summer was for sleeping in, not for getting up at dawn for your surrogate older sister’s wedding.

“Bells, up.” Ed said abruptly as she charged into her room, pulling the duvet off her.

“Fuck off, Eds.” She moaned, rolling over.

“You get to go to a wedding?” She tried, poking her in the ribs. Bella squirmed and kicked at her, but Ed dodged.

“Who’s wedding?” She asked, sighing.

“Bobbi’s, apparently.” 

“To whom?” Bella asked, sitting up.

“Hunter, I think.” Ed scrunching her nose into a scowl.

“God, you have better taste than her.” Bella said, rolling her eyes.

“Well, I like girls so that alone means I have better taste.” Ed smirked. Bella sighed, dragging herself out of bed and to the shower where she could already hear Jemma running the water. Ed headed to Ava’s room next, knocking gently on the door before giving up and opening the door, perching on her bed where she was sleeping facing the wall.

“Vashkaaa.” She murmured in her ear. Ava wriggled a little, moving her hands as though to grab her.

“Come on,  golubushka.” She mumbled again, brushing a strand of hair off her face and kissing her forehead softly. She buried her head further into her pillow, leaning back into Ed. She was getting bored now. She gave up, just going straight for the sensitive spot by her ear, kissing it before grazing her teeth over it slightly. 

“Yesha.” She muttered, reaching a hand behind her head to reach Ed’s hair, moaning as she pulled away.

“Good. You’re awake.” She said happily, smirking a little at the helplessly flustered look spreading across Ava’s face as she rolled over and reached out for her. 

“Ne bud' pridurki.” (Don’t be a dick) She whined sitting up to reach for her.

“ Aw, izvini detka.” (Awh, sorry babe) Ed said, getting gradually further out of reach. Ava pouted at her, bringing out the helpless puppy eyes.

“Yeshaaa,” She said, drawing out the ‘a’ sound and dragging herself out of bed to reach her, rolling her eyes as she kissed her, standing on tiptoes to reach her lips as she threaded arms around the back of her neck. Ed smirked slightly, kissing her quickly before taking her arms away from her neck.

“Places to be, Ace. Be at the door in 10, Bob’s getting married.” She said, leaving Ava standing in her room, disappointed and now confused. She sighed, cursing Ed in her mind as she pulled on a green sundress with a slit down the center of the skirt, as well as some converse, lest she look too straight. She tied her hair back, grabbed some eyeliner and chapstick for later, as well as some concealer (she once again cursed Ed), shoving them in a bag with her green jacket (she wouldn't need it, it was more for comfort) her sabres, some sunglasses and sunscreen. 

Ali was next, and Ed did the traditional ‘poke her until she woke up’, earning herself a colourful variety of curse words and attempted kicks (seriously, people needed to stop trying to injure her, she was literally top of the Ops academy and had only just finished first year). 

Finally, they were all waiting by the door, sunglasses shielding most of their eyes from the sun, Ali, Bella, Daisy and Ava clutching coffees like they were lifelines, Jemma half asleep as she leaned against Daisy. 

“You wanna explain, Eds?” Ali asked expectantly, wincing as they stepped outside.

“Honestly I don’t really know myself. It’s the first word I’ve had from her in a couple months, and now apparently we’re off to her wedding?” She was still not 100% on the details, just that they were going to be late if they took any longer. 

“So we’re off to a mysterious wedding in the middle of August with no idea where it is, no idea how we’re supposed to get there, and no idea who else is gonna be there?” Bella said incredulously, half jogging to keep up with Ed’s long strides, sympathy for Jemma spreading through her as she saw her and Daisy half asleep slouching behind them, Jemma barely keeping up. Bella had a good 2 inches on her, and she was only 5’6”.

“Yup, pretty much.” Ed nodded. 

“This is how spies work. The amount of mysterious last minute weddings I’ve been to is ridiculous.” Daisy called from behind them. Hartley and Hand, Clint and Laura (although they’d already had two kids at the time), hell, even her parents had had one when she was 5. 

“Are they any good? Who do you think will be there?” Fitz asked as he approached from behind after having received 27 texts and 13 calls from Ed.

“Well, her and Hunter, obviously. Nat and Clint will probably be at reception, my parents might be there, her S.T.R.I.K.E. team, as well as any friends who can get there.” She said, trying to hide the dread in her voice. Sure, she’d liked these things when she was younger, she could get all dressed up and see Barton’s kids or have a laugh with Hill. Now she was known to her parents’ friends as their messed up kid, and to the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. as Quake. Bobbi and Trip looked at her differently now, she could feel it, and she’d basically spent the entirety of last summer avoiding any friends of her parents. She didn’t know much of Bobbi’s class, so she assumed they wouldn’t know her either, reducing her to Quake, the killing machine.

“It’ll be nice to see Trip, I didn’t get to talk to him much on your birthday.” Fitz said thoughtfully.

“Right,  _ nice _ .” Jemma said teasingly, nudging him with her elbow. He rolled his eyes.

“All I said was that he was attractive, Simmons, it doesn’t instantly mean that I’m in love with him. Not everyone is a lesbian.” He said indignantly.

“A true tragedy.” Ali tutted. 

“Alice, you like men.” Ed said. Ali gagged.

“Don’t talk about it, it makes me want to cry.” She said, linking her arm with Ed’s. 

“Sorry, Li,” She said sincerely, patting her head.

“Did we miss something?” Daisy mumbled to Fitz, who just shrugged and shook his head. 

They continued across the campus in silence, meeting Natasha and Clint at the reception where an impatient Bobbi was waiting.

“How’re you all late?” She asked, bouncing on her heels.

“You gave us fifteen minutes to get 6 seventeen year olds out of bed.” Ed said, raising an eyebrow, “What were you expecting?”

“You’re spies, aren’t you?” She asked.

“We’re in sci-tech, Ava could sleep for Russia and Daisy’s depressed.” Ali pointed out, receiving a dig at the ribs from Ava.

“Whatever, what’s your excuse?” She asked, looking at Clint and Natasha.

“Uh, I’m old and she’s Russian?” Clint offered.

“I’m gay. Gays can’t be on time, it’s in the bible.” Natasha said simply.

“Damn, we shoulda used that excuse.” Daisy mumbled to Ava.

“I’m not gay, May.” Ava rolled her eyes, muttering to Daisy.

“That hickey says otherwise.” Daisy whispered back in a singsong voice. Ava took her hand up to her neck, covering it nervously as Daisy smirked.

They followed Bobbi to the Quinjet, everyone struggling to keep up with her and Ed, both of them taking one stride and it being equivalent to at least three of Jemma or Nat’s. The ten of them filed into the Quinjet, Ed sitting in the cock-pit next to Bobbi, the other eight of them sitting in the back.

“Where are we going?” Ed asked, watching as she locked in the co-ordinates.

“Hunter’s headed to Missouri with Kara, Trip and a couple others you haven’t met. We’re planning for the ceremony to be by the river, you know, it’s romantic or whatever.” She said, smiling slightly.

“You’re really gonna marry  _ him _ ? You know mom’s gonna kill you.” Ed said, but Bobbi just sighed.

“He’s going undercover for a long time, no contact. We figured we should do something, in case-” Bobbi didn’t need to finish her sentence, Ed had been at S.H.I.E.L.D. long enough to know what followed. 

“Okay. Well, I’m glad to see you one more time before our mother hunts you down and kills you in cold blood for not inviting her.” Ed said happily. 

“Well, it’s not like you’re so innocent either, not anymore anyway.” Bobbi said, shooting a look at her before taking off.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ed asked, raising an eyebrow and scoffing.

“Eds, you’re sleeping with Orlova.” Bobbi said. Ed’s face could only really be compared to the shocked Pikachu meme.

“What? No we’re… What?” Ed practically hissed.

“Come on, I’ve trained for years to spot the weaknesses in people, as well as exploitations. Also, she has a huge ass hickey on her neck and is either wearing your deodorant or you’ve been spending an awful lot of time-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Ed warned, blushing. 

“Hey, all I’m saying is that mom would be perfectly prepared to hunt either one of us down at this point, so I’d keep it shtum, da?” 

“Da.” Ed sighed, sitting back in the co-pilot seat.

* * *

  
  


“Hey, girl.” Trip grinned as he pulled Bobbi into a hug as she walked off the Quinjet into the clearing she’d landed in, Ed just nodding to Hunter. Natasha and Clint had wandered off to find someone over the age of 25 to talk to, and Fitzsimmonns, the O’Connors, Ava and Daisy just stood slightly awkwardly behind them. Daisy spotted Hill talking to Hand across the field and took Jemma’s hand anxiously. Jemma squeezed it comfortingly, continuing her conversation with Fitz about their spy bugs (Daisy wasn’t quite following).

Daisy surveyed the clearing, the river before them, trees surrounding them. She recognised Trip, of course, and she was pretty sure the dark haired woman next to him was Kara Palamas. She didn’t know the other two they were with, a tall black guy and a Latina woman standing next to him, looking increasingly bored. She knew Hill and Hand, of course, and she was pretty sure Hartley would be around somewhere. Her parents were nowhere to be seen, though, and if they were anywhere they’d be with them. There was a group of guys standing by some trees, Daisy had to assume they were SAS buddies of Hunter. 

“You know anyone, Dee?” Ali asked, looking at her anxiously.

“No one you don’t who I wanna talk to. She said thoughtfully, listening in on Bobbi’s conversation. From what she could tell they were all speaking rather fast Spanish, mostly just boring old congratulations. Ed looked like she was in her element, laughing with Bobbi, apparently making friends with the woman Daisy didn’t know.

“We’ll stick together, yeah?” Jemma asked, looking across the clearing, having absolutely no desire to meet anyone new.

“Yeah.” Fitz agreed.

  
There weren’t any actual chairs for the ceremony itself, and therefore no aisle, which seemed fitting as Bobbi had no father to walk her down it. Her star wars t-shirt with sneakers and a pair of blue jeans, and Hunter wore a dress shirt and his ‘best jeans’. The man who Daisy later learnt was Mack officiated, everyone insisting that he didn’t  _ need  _ to be ordained, that it was simply a formality that they could overlook. Ed was the maid of honour, of course, Elena was a bridesmaid, and Trip was Hunter’s best man.

“Uh, alright guys, friends and family, I guess. We’re gathered here today to celebrate the union of Barbara Kate Morse,” Bobbi glared at him for the use of her full name, “And Lance, I don’t know your middle name, Hunter in not quite holy matrimony.” Mack said proudly. 

Daisy watched from next to Jemma, stood as far away from Hill, Hand and Hartley as humanly possible. Everyone’s eyes seemed a little misty, cameras all out as they watched. Daisy imagined her own wedding day, imagined standing next to Jemma, beaming, a vision in white.

“I’ve known you guys for eight years now, and I couldn’t be happier to be here for you. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to remind you of your duties as man and wife now, but Edie requested to take over.” Mack said, gesturing to Ed, wishing Hunter luck under his breath,

“Hunter, do you promise to respect her, to love her faithfully, to grow with her as individuals and as a couple, and never to hurt my sister, lest I kick thy ass to kingdom come?” Ed asked, grinning like an idiot, getting a good few laughs from the onlookers.

“I do.” He grinned. Bobbi rolled her eyes at her sister, barely containing her own grin.

“And Bobbi, do you promise to trust him, to laugh with him, love him faithfully, and to try your very hardest not to kill him?”

“I do.” Bobbi smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Excellent. K, Mack’s go again.” Ed said, stepping back for Mack to stand between them.

“Thanks, Morse. Your vows?” He said expectantly, gesturing for Hunter to get on with it.

“Bob. When I first met you, I absolutely detested you.” Bobbi raised her eyebrows.

“You were 5’11” and had me pinned in 30 seconds, it’ll damage a man’s ego.” 

“Fragile ass man.” Ed muttered, just to receive a kick to the shin from Bobbi.

“I don’t know what it was, those eyes, that hair, but either way, I fell absolutely head over heels. I’ll be in awe of you everyday, Bobbi, in awe of who you are, who you’ve become. We were 16 when we met, we’ve been to hell and back together, and I wish I could be by your side everyday. I’ll miss you like hell, Bob, but I’ll be waiting for you when I’m back, I promise. You’re amazing, I fall… I fall deeper in love with you everyday, and I can’t wait for our next adventure together.” He said, his voice breaking towards the end, Bobbi letting a few tears fall. She laughed as he wiped them away, biting her lip nervously.

“Bobbi?” Mack asked, nudging her on.

“Hunter. You were an annoying ass sixteen year old when we met, your ego was bigger than your brain and, as my little sister so delicately put it, you were indeed a fragile ass man.” Hunter frowned, slightly worried as to where she was going with this.

“And so, I don’t know how, or when, but I fell in love with you, madly, drunkenly in love. I know exactly why, though. I love you for your heart, for your unwavering loyalty, your dumb jokes, your kindness, and because, secretly, under all the cocky British crap, you’re a good man, Hunter. I love you, and I’ll miss you whilst you’re gone, but don’t worry. I’ll be waiting, and then comes the good bit, then comes the rest of our lives, and I can’t wait to spend mine with you.” Bobbi spilled, barely breathing for risk of tears. 

Ed let a couple tears escape, allowing Mack to wrap a lazy arm around her. Daisy and Jemma held hands, an unacknowledged agreement between them. Ava wiped away her own tears, Natasha beaming next to her, Clint filming for Laura and the kids. Hunter’s buddies were watching quietly, cameras shaking in unsteady hands. Hill, Hartley and Hand watched, tears in their eyes as they watched the next generation of S.H.I.E.L.D. come to be; the Academy kids crying; the glowing bride and groom; the sister, ever protective; the brothers, ever kind. 

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” Mack said quickly once he felt both of their eyes on him expectantly. Hunter took her hands, kissing her as tears rolled down both of their cheeks.

_ Why did this feel like a goodbye? _

Everyone applauded as they kissed, whoops coming from Hunter’s friends and the Academy kids. He smiled into her, lifting his hand to wipe away a tear.

“I love you, Bob.” He said, smiling as they leaned their heads against each other.

“And I love you, Hunter. Don’t die out there, yeah?”

“Promise.”


	14. Perfection and Impermanence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oop soz

“Prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella with a hint of pesto aioli, just as you like it.” Jemma said proudly as she unpacked the picnic basket, handing Fitz his sandwich.

“Thanks, Simmons.” He smiled, unwrapping it as Daisy took out her honey sandwiches, a monstrosity that he found to be utterly inhumane. 

“No problem.” She said crisply, sitting down next to Daisy on their picnic blanket. They’d taken their lunch out to the lawns for the last day of summer, a final opportunity for peace and quiet before everyone else came back and they were no longer the youngest. 

“So, Jems, what’s new with you?” Daisy asked, poking her.

“Well, in 7 days I’m going to be an entire adult.” Jemma said proudly, smirking at Fitz who’s only turned 17 a few weeks ago.

“God, we’re growing up.” Daisy said, hardly able to believe that they’d known each other for 10 whole years, that they’d been together for over a year, that Jemma was almost an adult.

“I know. We’re in college, I’ve seen you both drunk, how weird is that?” Fitz said, smiling at the thought of them running around with traffic cones they’d found insisting that they were presents for Bella and Lincoln.

“Well, based on the videos it’s pretty weird.” Jemma said, thinking about the shaky recording on Fitz’s phone of him running after them all night.

“Yeah, but not just that. I mean, sure we’ve gotten drunk, I’ve had what Ali described as  _ special  _ brownies, and everyone seems to be having sex, but like, you’re gonna be an adult in a couple days. We’re going into our second year of college, we all have PhDs, I have fucking superpowers. We’re just so different to who we were when we met, and I think that’s kinda weird.” Daisy said, Fitz slightly surprised at her saying so many words uninterrupted and without pause.

“Sure, it’s kind of weird, but there’s beauty in it too. There’s no one I would’ve preferred to grow up with than you two, idiots though you may be.” Daisy hit her arm playfully, Fitz threw a handful of grass at her.

“All teasing aside, I am glad I know you.” Fitz said with a smile, blue eyes light in the September sun.

“And I’m glad I know you, Fitzy.” Daisy said with a playful shove. He shoved her back, slightly harder, and eventually they were in a heap on the grass, Daisy biting him whilst he tried to twist her ankle. Jemma let it happen, whipping out her own phone to film them, teasing Daisy about being 8th in the Ops division, and yet someone being pinned down by a scrawny seventeen year old engineering major with a monkey obsession.

“Fuck off, Jemma, it’s not like you could take him either, he’s surprisingly boney.” Daisy yelled from under him whilst trying to roll him off her. Jemma didn’t reply, just continued filming them, every intention of sending it straight to the group chat. Daisy eventually pried him off her, throwing him onto the lawn and jabbing his ribs so her squirmed.

“Mean boys.” Daisy pouted.

“Mean girls!” Fitz protested. 

“Immature children.” Jemma said calmly, smiling at both of their annoyed looks.

“I’ll have you know, Jemma Simmons, that that attack was entirely justified. If she hadn’t shoved me in the first place-”

“-if you two hadn’t gotten sappy then I wouldn’t have had reason to-”

“-Actually you were the one who got sappy-”

“-I think you’ll find that that was Jemma.” They both turned to stare at accusingly. 

“Wow, Jemma.”

“Very mature.”

“I expected better, truly.” They looked at her in mock disappointment, shaking their heads and taking their hands to their hips.

“You have got to be kidding me?” She said, raising her eyebrows at them.

“Look at her, acting all innocent like.” Fitz said, shaking his head and looking at Daisy.

“Well she can’t be allowed to get away with that, can she now?” Daisy asked, a smirk spreading across her lips, a glint behind her eyes that Jemma could honestly say she never thought she’d see in this context.

“Daisy, don’t you dare.” Jemma said quickly, squealing as Daisy went straight for the ticklish spot on her tummy, Fitz going for her sides (he’d have gone for the neck, but she had a strict rule against anyone touching it apart from Daisy).

“You’re both horrible.” She squirmed as they let her sit up again, hair full of grass, shirt untucked.

“Awh, you love us really Jems.” 

“Meh.”

* * *

  
  


“Lincoln?” Ali asked as Bella came back into the common area at 7 that morning. 

“Yup.” Bella nodded, flopping onto the sofa next to her. 

“God, never quote me on this, but that boy, he’s kinda alright.” Ali admitted. 

“Right? He’s respectful, he laughs, he assures me when I need it, he’s a good guy.” Bella sighed.

“Absolutely unheard of.” Ali laughed to herself, shaking her head.

“What?” Bella asked, but Ali stayed silent.

“Whattttt?” She asked again, nudging her arm.

“You’re dating a straight white guy and I don’t hate him. Never thought it would happen, but here we are.” Ali said, raising her eyebrows to herself.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve never hated Piper.” Bella offered.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know how much longer that’s gonna last anyways.” Ali confessed, her voice breaking a little.

“Wait, what?” Bella asked, her heart dropping. 

“It happens, Bells. People fall out of love, it’s not a big deal. In it for the journey, I guess.” She said hoarsely, bringing her eyes up to meet Bella’s.

“But, not you two. You’ve been together for years, you’ve waited for each other, you’ve survived wars whilst apart and still came back together, not you two.” Bella said softly, trying to convince them both.

“Well, you know. We’ll see.” She said with a grim smile, “Anyways, what’s for breakfast? I was gonna do some eggs, you want eggs?” Bella stared at her.

“Ali, what the hell?” 

“Pancakes then?” She asked, holding up a pan.

“You can’t just… I don’t know you can just not care! You’ve loved them for years, how’re you so casual about this?” Bella half shouted, gesticulating wildly.

“You think I don’t care?” Ali smiled, putting her frying pan down. “Of course I bloody well care, I’ve just made my peace with it. There’s no use trying to save something that doesn't want to be saved. If our relationship ends then of course I’ll care, of course it’ll hurt like hell, but there’s no point in worrying myself over it now.” She shrugged, getting her eggs out of the fridge.

She knew that really, she was far from okay with it. Really, she was having to fight all of her instincts not to cling to them like a lifering, to hold them and never let them go. Of course it was killing her, these last few months having just drifted from them, both of their lives becoming so different, so far apart. She wanted to hold on tight, but she knew it was best for both of them, best for her to accept the fact that nothing was permanent, nothing truly lasted, and that was okay.

“I just don’t understand how you can be so casual about it.” Bella said quietly. She couldn’t imagine losing Lincoln, couldn’t even fathom the idea of not seeing him everyday, not texting him, not hearing one of his not very funny jokes that only he laughed at.

“I’ve had plenty of time to think about it. It’s okay.” She said again. Bella frowned.

“But, you guys were the first, you were the first of us to have an actual, healthy relationship. It can’t just end like this.” Bella tried, near crying now.

“And now look at you all. It’s not like we were ever the definition of healthy anyway, when we first met I hid them away from you all, when we first met I was basically dependent upon them for happiness, and then when we got back together last year... Well, it’s safe to say we didn’t consider how a year apart will change people. We were great, and now we’re not, and I think that’s okay.” 

“You could still fix things though, things could still be okay.” Ali shook her head.

“Things end, nothing is permanent.” She said softly, turning around to dollop butter into the pan, cracking eggs against the side. 

“It’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not.”

* * *

  
  


“I don’t get the problem, V.” Oksana sighed as they walked back to their dorms.

“The problem is that it feels like she’s pulling back. I imagined summer with a girlfriend to be cheesy picnics and days at the beach, instead it’s awkward mornings and quiet nights in. I imagined romance.” Ava said, desperately trying to explain. Oksana furrowed her brow.

“So you’re at different places in the relationship?” she asked. Ava pulled a face.

“Very American, of you, Sana, but it’s more like I’m in the relationship and she’s trying to protect herself from it.” Ava said thoughtfully. Maybe it was the spy thing, maybe it was the trauma, but either way she could feel her pulling away. It had been six months, and instead of the great sapphic romance Ava had imagined their relationship would be, Ed was getting quiet around her, awkward, even. Sure, for the months of pining before that had felt normal, but now it was like she could feel her slipping away. 

“Talk to her about it?” Oksana suggested. Ava just laughed.

“Healthy communication? In this economy?” Oksana hit her arm.

“I’m being serious, Vashenka, it’s not fair to either of you to continue if you need different things from each other. You might be wanting to live your gay romcom with your girlfriend like some hallmark movie, but she might not be able to feel like that, she might just not want it.” Ava nodded.

“Yeah, that’s another thing. She’s not consistent. Like you know how she asked me out?” Sana nodded, she was familiar with the ice skating date.

“Well, since it’s been all over the place. Like sometimes she’ll be all close and cuddly with me, and then the next week it’ll be like talking to a blank wall. Or we have sex, and we flirt and then just nothing.” She said quietly, looking at the pavement as they walked. Oksana tutted.

“You need to talk to her, Ava. Maybe it’ll all be fine, but either way, it’s the kinder thing. For both of you.” Oksana said, walking to C-Victor, leaving Ava alone.

She shoved her hands in her pockets roughly, exhaling as she walked around to her own corridor. She didn’t want to lose her, she wanted to fight for her, with her, but she wasn’t sure how she could if Ed herself wouldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	15. Beautiful With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which horny teens get dressed up as pirates for halloween.
> 
> k this is basically just fluffy smut. obvs it's not relevant to the plot, so you can definitely skip it if it's not your thing, but i'll put a line of atrixes as a divider between where the fluff ends and the smut begins :).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for smut :)

“Will you sit still, Daisy?” Jemma complained, hands forcing her back onto the bathroom counter where she’d been fidgeting for the last 15 minutes whilst Jemma tried to do her makeup. Ali and Bella were already at the boiler room, Ava was in Big S.H.I.E.L.D. for a scouting op, and Ed had a week of undercover ‘training’ with May’s S.T.R.I.K.E. team (rather, Bobbi was sick with the flu and the needed someone with her skill set for the op). That left Jemma to try to do her makeup, since all the obvious choices were gone (the obvious choices being literally anyone else). Alas, it had to be done, as Daisy wished to achieve peak pirate aesthetic, and how often did she get to dress up and feel hot as hell with Jemma? 

It was Halloween, and they were heading to the Boiler Room as soon as Jemma had finished Daisy’s makeup, and they’d both squeezed into their corsets.

“Please, Daisy, it’ll be over quicker if you stop.” Jemma sighed, batting her hands down from where they were crawling across Jemma’s stomach, making it painfully impossible for her to concentrate.

“Sorry.” Daisy said, sitting up and linking her hands together. She already had black lipstick on, Jemma was trying to sort out her eyeliner and eyeshadow. Of course, Daisy had offered to do hers, but her ‘If anyone tries to put anything on my face I will definitely bite them’ rule still stood, so she’d left it. She exhaled softly, closing her eyes again so Jemma could get back to work, the feeling of her breath of her forehead only driving Daisy a little bit less crazy than the feeling of Jemma’s racing heart.

“God, keep it in your pants, Simmons.” Daisy said teasingly. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“It’s definitely not a me problem if you can literally feel my heartbeat, Dee. Anyway, the fact that you’re listening is a bit of reflection on you, rather than me, wouldn’t you say, love?” Jemma asked, kissing her forehead as she finished, smirking a bit at Daisy’s scowl.

“You can’t call me love at the same time as being British and dressed as a pirate, that’s cheating.” She pouted.

“Cheating at what?”

“Lesbianism.” Daisy said, very seriously.

“Pretty sure the powers that enable you to control vibrations are cheating at lesbianism.” Jemma said smugly, raising an eyebrow. Daisy looked at her in mock horror.

“Jemma Simmons!” She cried, but Jemma just laughed, moving to the sink to wash her hands, Daisy hopping down from the counter to look at herself in the mirror, surprising herself by her lack of self disgust at the sight of her face. She was wearing a white off the shoulder button up blouse tucked into a dark blue high-low skirt that stopped about midway up her thighs at the front, and around her knees at the back. She had Ali’s ancient, tattered black fishnets underneath it, as well as knee high boots she was sure Ava wouldn’t mind her borrowing. She’d curled her hair, keeping it out of her face with a bandana, and intended to wear a black underbust corset over her shirt later, provided Jemma could hold herself together long enough to do it up for her. She had a belt on, and Ed probably wouldn’t kill her if she stole a sword and sheath from her room.

“See, you don’t look half bad.” Jemma murmured in her ear, threading her hands around Daisy’s waist. Daisy smiled, placing her hands over Jemma’s. 

“And you look gorgeous, as per usual.” Daisy replied, spinning them around so Jemma was in front of her, standing before the mirror. She was wearing a black off the shoulder dip hem dress covered in delicate flowers, her hair curled over her shoulder, necklaces around her neck. She had a waist corset, but Daisy had promised that she wouldn’t do it up too tight, in case it got too much.

“Thank you.” Jemma beamed, looking away from the mirror to turn back to Daisy, kissing her quickly before heading back to her room to get the dreaded (but also hot as all hell, as Daisy had put it) corsets, heart fluttering nervously. 

They’d talked about sex more recently, about being ready, their makeout sessions getting a little more intense, and all the more dissatisfying. Neither of them had wanted to much before, Daisy’s sex drive basically disappearing, Jemma perfectly content to wait for her. But now, now they’d been ‘going steady’ for over a year, Daisy was getting better even without Nat around all the time (she was still stationed at the academy, but was being gradually reintegrated into field work), and so the subject came up. The first time Daisy had mentioned it caught Jemma completely off guard. They’d been laying in bed one evening in mid September, when Daisy had piped up.

“Where do you currently stand on the possibility of sex?” She’d said simply, as though it were a completely casual thing to ask someone. It was safe to say that if Jemma had had water, she would’ve choked. 

“S-Sorry?” Jemma had spluttered, blushing.

“I mean, I love you, and I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I think I’m ready, if you are, obviously.” Daisy said slowly, turning on her pillow to face Jemma. 

“I’d say that I love you too, and if you feel that you’re ready of course I’m ready to start talking with you about it more.” Jemma had said carefully, not quite sure what Daisy wanted from her. She’d just nodded.

“I’d like that.” 

So now, here Jemma stood, two corsets in hand, dressed as a pirate, nerves already building for that night, for what could happen after they got home, for Daisy’s hand brushing against her. Daisy walked in behind her, Ava’s boots on her feet and one of Ed’s swords tucked in a sheath on her belt.

“You wanna do the honours?” Daisy asked, turning around so Jemma could wrap it around her, blushing a little as she hooked it up at the front, quickly replaced by a small gasp as she yanked the strings at the back, doing a pretty effective job of crushing Daisy’s internal organs. 

“You’re alright? Can you breathe?” Jemma asked anxiously as she walked back to her front, trying not to bite her lip as she surveyed its work. Daisy chuckled.

“Like what you see, babe?” She asked teasingly, adjusting her shirt so more of her cleavage could be seen.

“Just a little bit.” Jemma said quietly, dragging her eyes back up to meet Daisy’s. 

“Your go?” She asked, gesturing to the one that remained untouched. Jemma nodded slightly, grabbing it off her bed and handing it to Daisy.

“Not too tight.” She mumbled, but Daisy just nodded, looping it together gently at the front, not doing the back up tight enough to hurt her, or restricting her breathing too much, just enough to look the part. She tied it loosely at the bottom, smiling as Jemma turned around to face her.

“How do I look?” She asked anxiously, smoothing out her dress.

“Lovely.” Daisy grinned. 

“It’s not too tight?” She checked, but Jemma just shook her head.

Finally, they were ready to leave, Jemma already a little giddy with anticipation. She’d avoided the boiler room thus far, but most of the Ops kids were out in Big S.H.I.E.L.D. for scouting or training, which left the Sci-Tech and Comms kids behind, and they were nowhere near as rowdy. Daisy had insisted on staying, saying that she still had her comp-sci classes, and she was still a Sci-Tech kid at heart (Jemma doubted this, no Sci-Tech kid had that muscle definition, but she let it slide).

  
  


“Evening, ladies.” Ali said with a smirk as they arrived, flopping down next to her in their booth. Her and Bella had dressed up as 50s fighter pilots, having been abandoned by both of their partners in favour of the Ops program. 

“Evening.” Daisy said lightly, wanting to sit cross legged but painfully restricted by the absolute monstrosity she wore. 

“That looks comfy.” Bella smirked, sitting back in her jumpsuit, raising an eyebrow at Jemma.

“We’re pirates.” She pouted.

“And very sexy pirates, I just can’t imagine that you have a healthy amount of oxygen travelling around your body.” Ali laughed, Daisy whacking her arm.

“Alright! Sorry! Anywho, what’s the plan?” Ali asked, sipping her water.

“Well I don’t think they’re trick or treating this year, or if they are there’s no treats, and therefore no point.” Bella said. S.H.I.E.L.D. usually organised mass trick or treating parties, it was basically capture the flag to the death, but the flags were sweets and there were about 15 teams. Ed and Ava had gone last year and come back covered in paint and bruises. The Sci-Tech and Comms kids were in no hurry to do anything of the sort, so there was a Comms party on the lawn, and obviously the boiler room was open, but other than that there wasn’t much on. 

“We could stay here for a while? Then maybe check out the Comms party?” Daisy suggested, but Jemma shifted uncomfortably.

“We could go to Comms now? Or when Ali’s finished her drink? Proving myself right about not enjoying the boiler room much.” Jemma said quietly, hands fidgeting in her lap. Ali instantly downed her water, and stood to leave.

“Alrighty, I’m good to go.” She said with a smile, Jemma just thanking her before accepting her hand to get up. 

“You sure you wanna go to the party? We could just go chill on the couch?” Daisy offered, but Jema shook her head.

“It’s not the noise, it’s the smell.” She explained. Daisy nodded. It did reek of sweat and alcohol in there, as usual. They made their way out again, stumbling to the lawns where they had a tent set up, ‘The Monster Mash’ blaring from inside it. 

They entered nervously, Ali and Bella instantly making their way to the bar (it was 9pm on Halloween they were still sober, it was just plain wrong), Daisy and Jemma finding them a table.

“This better?” Jemma nodded, smiling, her posture more confident now. The song changed to Dancing Queen, and Daisy gasped, jumping up and offering Jemma her hand.

“What?” She asked, looking from Daisy to her hand and back up at Daisy.

“Jems, it’s literally a gay anthem, we can’t not dance.” Daisy grinned, gesturing to her hand. Jemma took it nervously, not quite sure what to expect. The only time they’d danced together had been in the woods that night, and this was definitely a different atmosphere. Daisy helped her up, taking both of her hands and twirling her around, leading her to join the rest of the kids on the dance floor. Jemma giggled, biting her lip as Daisy pulled her into her, on arm around her shoulder, copying what everyone else was doing, when they spun Daisy spun, when they sashayed Jemma sashayed, until eventually they were in their own world, moving together, spinning together, floating together, utterly immersed in themselves. Daisy could feel the vibrations from the music, how the beat hammered against them, enveloping them in each other, like they were in their own little universe, apart from everyone else.

The song ended, switching to Dancing By Myself, Daisy panting slightly, kissing Jemma firmly as the world swirled around them. Jemma smiled, kissing back happily, letting her hand venture behind Daisy’s neck, Daisy’s still resting on her waist. They stumbled back to their table, Ali and Bella leaving promptly as they arrived. They’d seen enough of that for a lifetime when they’d all shared a room. Daisy sat down, Jemma collapsing next to her.

“You wanna go back to the room?” Daisy asked breathlessly.

“Probably best.” Jemma giggled, feeling a little tipsy on her own adrenaline. Daisy took her hand, staggering back to their room. They kicked their shoes off in the hall, stumbling into Jemma’s room.

  
***************************************************************************************************************************  
  


“You good?” Daisy asked as her hand hovered over her corset’s string.

“Yes. Very good, amazing, get on with it.” Jemma said impatiently. Daisy laughed, untying it so she could breathe again, pulling it off her and throwing it to the ground. Jemma sighed, taking a deep breath before kissing her again, letting Daisy pin her against the door, licking her bottom lip slightly. Jemma opened her mouth, letting her tongue explore, trying to concentrate on untying Daisy’s back, the task proving to be more difficult than previously anticipated. She got there eventually, goosebumps forming over her skin as Daisy breathed a sigh of relief, kissing along Jemma’s jawline to the sensitive spot on her neck. Jemma moaned quietly as she got to work. Daisy giggled a little and kissed the same spot sweetly, brushing Jemma’s hair behind her ear and fussing it, teeth grazing over her delicate skin teasingly. Jemma moved her hand to thread it through Daisy’s hair, groaning in frustration at the bandana before pulling it off, her hand taking a fist of hair.

“Wait.” Jemma breathed, and Daisy stopped.

“Yeah?” 

“I wanna do this, go all the way tonight, as long as you do too?” Jemma asked, hand still behind Daisy’s head.

“Yes. Of course, yes.” Daisy nodded enthusiastically, kissing her lips again before peppering light kisses down her neck, sucking gently on her collarbone as Jemma tugged at the bottom of her shirt. Daisy nodded, letting Jemma unbutton it, gasping quietly at the sensation of cool hands against her stomach. 

“Sorry.” Jemma murmured, but Daisy hushed her, biting on her skin a little. Jemma sighed, arching her back as she did so. Daisy pulled away, tugging her own shirt off completely, leaving her bare chested. Jemma smiled, meeting Daisy’s eyes as she grinned, kissing her quickly before taking off her own dress, leaving her in nothing but a pair of tights and a bra.

“God, you’re gorgeous.” Daisy mumbled, admiring Jemma as she blushed, waving Daisy off.

“That’s a little gay.” She smirked, letting a hand ghost over her stomach teasingly. Daisy rolled her eyes, kissing her again, more passionately now, her stomach dropping at the feeling of flesh against flesh, Jemma’s little sighs, how she brushed her hair behind her ear. Jemma’s hand made its way up her torso, eventually meeting her breast. Daisy moaned quietly as delicate fingers crawled up to meet her nipple, circling it gently. Jemma pulled away from her lips and Daisy started to protest before feeling a hesitant tongue meet her sensitive nipple, teeth grazing over it. 

“Jem-” Daisy tried. Jemma stopped, looking up to her nervously.

“Please.” She breathed, nodding back down to her chest. Jemma just nodded, getting back to work, trying to resist butting Daisy’s hand with her head as her fingers curled in her hair. Jemma worried the skin between her teeth, revelling in Daisy’s little whimpers, how she sighed her name. Jemma stopped, moving back to admire her handiwork, a small purple-ish mark already forming on the sensitive skin.

“Damn, that’s hot.” Daisy said huskily. 

“Hate to toot my own horn as it very much were, but I definitely agree.” Jemma said breathlessly, taking in the sight before her. Daisy was already stripping her skirt and tights by the time Jemma got over her temporary gay panic, so she copied her, taking off her tights and bra, leaving them both in just their underwear. Daisy pulled her close, kissing her gently, savouring every minute of it, biting her bottom lip gently, the feeling of her moan against her lips, her racing heart against Daisy’s skin. Jemma whimpered against her as she pushed her over onto the bed, Daisy’s hair tumbling over her shoulder. Jemma arched her back, longing for the sensation of skin against skin, of that pure, blind pleasure. 

Daisy started at her collar bone, kissing along it gently, driving Jemma mad in anticipation, desperation, her shaky breath against her skin, her legs against Jemma’s. She bit her lip, clutching the sheets to keep herself from pulling at her hair. She kissed down her body, licking and sucking as she went, hands ghosting over her thighs, shivers running down Jemma’s body. Jemma squeezed her thighs together, rubbing them against each other.

“You good?” Daisy checked as she reached her underwear, checking permission to remove it. Jemma just nodded, whimpering quietly at the loss of contact whilst Daisy moved her mouth from her stomach, carefully pulling them off. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Daisy grinned as she admired her, kissing her thigh softly.

“Thank you, babe, but please...” Jemma whined, getting impatient now. 

“Message received.” She said happily, kissing her lips softly before returning to her thighs, sucking and kissing them, biting softly. She reached her core, pressing a wet kiss to her clit. Jemma moaned loudly, gasping at the sensation.

“Oh, God.” She groaned, arching her back as Daisy licked at her gently, methodically, basking in every little noise she made, getting to know her sensitive spots, what she liked, where she liked it. Jemma bucked her hips further into her mouth.

“Fuck, faster, Daisy, please,” She begged between breaths, head spinning as she approached her high. Daisy sped up, tongue working on her clit, a hesitant finger exploring her entrance. Jemma gasped at the feeling.

“Yes, God, you’re amazing.” She sighed, gasping as she inserted her finger, tongue still working on her clit. Jemma writhed on the bed, eyes closed tight as she got lost in Daisy, giving herself over completely as she curled her finger inside her. Daisy held her as she came, letting her wrap her hand in her hair, her heart rate too fast for Daisy to keep up with. 

“You’re okay?” Daisy checked, kissing her cheek anxiously. Jemma opened her eyes, a lazy smile spreading across her face.

“Amazing. You were amazing.” She grinned, kissing her gently. 

“You’re incredible, I love you so much.” Daisy mumbled into her neck, burying her head in her shoulder. 

“I love you, Dais.”

“Always.” Daisy smiled.


	16. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for alcohol and puking

Piper : Hey, uh, I think we need to talk tomorrow

Al: yh we do

Piper: We do?

Al: u literally just said we do

Piper:  But you think we need to?

Al: babe, ive been waiting for this for like 4 months, ik what ur on abt

Al: i’ll bring wine, be there at 8 tomoz

Piper:  Probably wise

  
  


“Hi!” Ali said brightly as they opened the door, chocolate and vodka in hand.

“What happened to the wine?” Piper asked, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“I am indeed, and considering the fact that we’re not straight and I’m rather emotionally attached to you, I figured something stronger than previously believed would be necessary.” She said, a little too happily. 

“And the chocolate?” They asked, welcoming her in and leading her to their room, opening the door so she could flop on the bed.

“That’s for me. You’re welcome to it if you so wish.” She said, moving over so they could sit next to her, opening the vodka and taking a sip straight out of the bottle. They took it, imitating her.

“Hm, good stuff .” They said approvingly.

“My da sent it, pretty sure he thinks I’m 18.” She wrinkled her nose. They nodded, instantly regretting their conversation over text the night before. God, how could they do this? When did things break, when did they drift apart? Why weren’t they 15 anymore, perfectly content to stay with her, to live with her, to be hers?

“Dandy.” Piper said, looking away from her. They both knew why it had to end, but that didn’t make it any easier.

“I just want you to know, I’ll always love you.” Ali said quietly. They took her hand.

“You’ll always have been my first, Al, my first love, first kiss. You’ll always have a place in my heart, but-”

“-But we’re different people now.” She finished, nodding sadly. 

“Yeah.” They looked down. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” She said softly, cupping their cheek. They closed their eyes, leaning into her hand, letting tears fall.

“People fall out of love, it’s the way it is.” She told them, her voice breaking. They took her hand, interlocking their fingers.

“We were good though, right?” They asked. She nodded.

“Yeah, Pipes. We were good.” She smiled tearily. They smiled, taking another glug of vodka (because God knows they needed it). 

“Do you know where it went wrong?” They asked, wiping their tears and sniffling. She shrugged.

“I don’t know that it did. Hydra changed everything, is all. We’ve changed, we’re not 15 anymore.” she said, wiping a tear away and taking the bottle from them. 

“It’s okay though, right? You’re okay?” They checked anxiously. She thought about that for a second. It was over, it was really, properly over, there was no more Piper, no more late night giggles, no more waking up next to them. They’d been a part of her life, a huge part of her life, for years, and this is what it came to. To this moment, to being brave enough to let go, to finally allowing each other to grow, admitting that they couldn’t hold on anymore, that they had to stop trying to fix something that was broken. So, was she okay?

“No, I don’t think I am. But I don’t think I’m supposed to be, either.” She said thoughtfully.    
  


“Hence the vodka.” They laughed. 

“Yeah.” She murmured, fiddling with her hands. 

“What about you? You’re okay?” She looked up to them, wanting to comfort them, wanting to be able to feel like she did, but nothing coming.

“I’ll get there.” They promised, breaking off a piece of Ali’s chocolate and popping it into their mouth. 

“We both will. This is for the best, I think.” She said, taking another sip of vodka. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” They said with a small sigh. This felt real. Before, when they’d left for the Academy, that had felt temporary, this felt like a break up, this felt like an ending. 

“I’m sorry.” She said, smiling over at them softly. 

“So am I.” they replied, turning to look at her, tears rolling down both of their cheeks, eyes remorseful as they let go, as they left each other behind. 

“I wish we could’ve held on.” They told her, but she shook her head.

“It wasn’t right.” She admitted. 

“I know, but it hurts.” they replied, taking the vodka again. 

“Of course it does.” She said, sniffling as she brushed a tear away. She broke off a piece of chocolate, letting it melt in her mouth.

“We’ll be okay though, right?” They asked, almost pleading.

“I don’t think there is a ‘we’ anymore.” That felt like a relief. 

“You’ll be okay though?” She nodded.

“You will too. It’ll be better, we can be who we need to be.” They nodded. She got up, taking her vodka and chocolate with her, looking back at them one last time, finally free.

* * *

“Li?” A gentle voice asked from behind her. She turned around on the bench, soaking from the rain, drunk from the half empty bottle.

“It’s- It's over.” She slurred, sniffling. Ed sat next to her cross legged, rubbing her back.

“You broke up?” She asked, taking the empty bottle and packet of chocolate from her.

“It was the right thing to do, I just- I feel so awful.” She cried, wiping away her tears.

“Why?” 

“Because it feels so much better than when we were together, and I’m awful, and I should miss them and I should be sad or broken but I’m not and that’s awful.” She sobbed. Ed tutted, wrapping an arm around her as Ali leaned against her, rubbing her shoulder as she cried, the rain muffling their voices. 

“You did the right thing, Liva, and I promise that you’re not awful.” She assured her.

“How do you know?” She asked, her voice wobbling, her head spinning.

“Because if it was wrong then you wouldn’t feel like you should’ve felt worse. And if you were awful you wouldn’t feel any remorse at all.” She told her, after thinking for a moment. She thought about Ava, about how awful the end sounded, about how close it felt. She knew she was difficult, she knew she was unpredictable, that she could be cold. She wanted to tell her, to be close to her, to be vulnerable, but she just couldn’t bring herself to open up to her. She knew that the end was near, that Ava was thinking about it, she saw her nervous looks, the rehearsed words she left unsaid, the hesitation. She knew it would hurt like hell when she ended it, and she knew she’d left it until it couldn’t be fixed. But wasn’t that the way? Didn’t she sabotage her last opportunity for love, all those years ago? 

Maybe it would be a pattern; maybe she was just unlovable.

“Are you sure?” Ali asked, sitting up and wiping her face. 

“You’re good.” She said with a brief smile, pulling herself out of her thoughts. 

“I don’t feel good.” She admitted. Ed smiled grimly.

“And that is probably a combination of the break-up, the vodka and the rain.” She pointed out, the rain still spitting down on them.

“I’m sorry.” She groaned, trying to stand up, but promptly puking. Ed wrinkled her nose, sitting her back down and pulling her hair back as Ali leaned over, head between her knees. She retched again, coughing up bitter bile, more tears falling. Ed rubbed her back, sitting in the rain with her, holding her hair back until she coughed, wiping her mouth and sitting up.

“Out of your system?” Ed checked, spending all of her energy on not teasing her for being a lightweight. There was time for that in the morning. 

“For now.” She nodded, stumbling up, Ed wrapping an arm around her waist to hold her up. She looked like Bambi when he first walked on ice. Ed led her back to their corridor, guiding her to the bathroom, sighed as the clock told her it was 1am. She’d only known to go find her after she’d received a text from Piper asking if she’d gotten home okay because she wasn’t picking up the phone.

She set out some clean pajamas for her, leaving her an aspirin and a glass of water for the next morning, before sloping off to her own room, all but collapsing in bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is kinda short :/


	17. A Liability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy reads her file.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for panic attacks, PTSD

She didn’t mean to. She swore, she didn’t. She thought it would be fine, she thought she was okay, that she was stronger, that she could take it. It was so tempting, though, that knowledge, knowing it was right there, her file, all the secrets it held, everything about her. It had been sitting there for a week now, taunting her from an open window on her laptop. So innocent, just a classified document, but the things it held. 

She’d always wanted to read it, since they’d started mumbling about it, when she was quiet after Hydra. 

‘This will be in her file?’

‘We’ll need to update her file.’

‘It’s in her file.’

It was mentioned at every assessment, most of her therapy sessions, even her parents talked about things they’d read in there. She thought she should be able to read it, she always had, the only thing that had been stopping her was Jemma, and what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. She was at Fitz’s anyway, it was Wednesday, after all.

She’d first found it when she’d finally tried hacking into S.H.I.E.L.D.’s servers. Of course, they didn’t teach their students to look for exploits in their own organisation's systems, but practice was practice. She’d taken a gander around active missions, what her parents were up to, she’d even found mission reports that her dad had authorised that she remembered sitting on his lap for. Her heart had jumped into her throat when she’d come across the Hydra files. There was another firewall that had taken her a while to break through, but she’d cracked it, letting her lose on what had happened at all S.H.I.E.L.D. sites other than The Academy, The Cocoon and The Prep; anything with kids. She recognised Ed as ‘Skylark’ in the reports from Theseus and The Treehouse, something she’d make sure to tease her about later, wondering if she’d chosen it herself or been assigned it. Quake wasn’t in any of them, though, which troubled her. Where was this file that everyone kept talking about, the one with the Hydra report, the deaths, the injuries, all her psych evals. 

Maybe this wasn’t such a genius idea after all.

_ No _ , she told herself.  _ You deserve to know, you’re ready. _

She kept searching for The Prep, eventually finding that it was with other training facs, all of the students’ files in one place.  _ Perfect _ , she thought, searching for ‘Daisy May’, her file right there, right in front of her, she clicked it, anticipation rising and-

“Hey, love.” Jemma smiled as she entered, pulling off her jacket. Daisy opened a new desktop, promising herself that she’d read it, just when the time was right.

“Hey, Jems.” She smiled, closing it as she went back to writing her essay, Jemma sitting next to her to read a textbook with a name that Daisy couldn’t even read, let alone say.

  
  


That’s how she ended up with her mouse hovering over the unopened file exactly a week later, utterly alone as Jemma was with Fitz.

She opened it, the first entry her first interview for the prep. She scrolled past it, not wanting to read about the child she once was. That was 7 years ago, she was 10, still innocent (relatively). She found the Hydra mission report. 

_ May, don’t do this _

She shook the voice away, clicking on it. 

Asset Name: Daisy May; Quake

Asset’s Date of Birth: 02/07/2002

Date of Mission: 03/03/2018

Events: Quake underwent Terrigenesis, was in the cocoon for approx. 5 minutes. Broke free, Enemy agents’ guns trained on her. Jemma Simmons ran to help her, 2 bullet wounds. Quake demonstrated her powers in the form of vibrational manipulation, before leaving with Jemma Simmons.

Evaluation: Quake’s powers were unstable, uncontrolled, seemed to be linked to her emotions. Recommending that she not be used as an active asset until controlled evaluation and assessment

Fatalities: 

36 Hydra soldiers 

1 S.H.I.E.L.D. soldier

Injuries: 

8 Hydra soldiers

2 S.H.I.E.L.D. agents

3 civilians

  
  


‘Quake’, ‘asset’, ‘assessment’, ‘fatality’, the words cut through her, but she kept reading, finding her first psych eval after Hydra, opening it with shaking hands, trembling breath.

Patient Name: Daisy May; Quake

Patient’s Date of Birth: 02/07/2002

Date of Evaluation: 10/03/2018

Evaluation notes: Daisy expressed feelings of deep guilt regarding the events of 03/03/2020, along with suicidal ideation and intention to harm herself, saying that it helped her to escape. She’s showing symptoms of depression, and symptoms of PTSD may emerge, but it’s currently too soon to tell.

Next steps: Recommending constant observation in a secure S.H.I.E.L.D. facility, away from the general population, as well as counselling and ongoing evaluation. Daisy shouldn’t be trusted with herself, or around others, she needs to be kept contained until she can regain control, and her intentions to harm herself have passed. 

_ Control, xiǎohu _

_ Kept contained _

_ Shouldn’t be trusted _

_ Can’t be trusted _

She slammed her laptop shut, breath getting stuck in her throat. No, no no no, this was wrong, she should be over this, she as better than this, it was so long ago,

_ Come on, Daisy _

She couldn’t be weak, she had to be better, she was getting better, why wasn’t she getting better? Why, after months of tiny steps, did it just feel like she’d been knocked back, knocked back to the aftermath of Hydra, unable to speak, to move, to cry, just empty. Why could she hear Jemma’s heart monitor, why could she feel that damn lamp shaking, why could she feel the pain behind her mom’s eyes, the disappointment, pity, grief. Why did she have to watch them lose a daughter, watch her dormmates lose a friend, why did she have to lose herself? 

She gasped, letting tears spill down her cheeks, feeling the quakes start. She closed her eyes tight, her mind screaming at her; damp nights, Jemma’s blood, Fitz’s eyes, hearts stopping, limbs tearing, blood on the walls, blood, blood, blood, screams, cries, her cries, Jemma’s cries, shouts, quakes, vibrations cutting through her, hammering against her ears, everything exploding-

“Daisy! Hey, Daisy,” She flinched away, quakes sending them flying back, she couldn’t be trusted, couldn’t be trusted, couldn’t be trusted…

Ed rushed over to Ali where she’d collapsed outside the door, flying back from Jemma’s room. She could hear furniture shaking, Daisy crying, begging with invisible people. Ava rushed out into the hall, crouching next to Ed as they leaned over Ali. 

“Idi i voz'mi Jemma.” (Go get Jemma) She said, nodding to the door. Ed rushed out, calling Jemma as she went. 

“Ed, hi.” Jemma said, picking up the phone, holding up a hand to Fitz as she did so. He paused The Doctor obediently.

“Jay, you need to get back, Daisy, something happened.” Jemma’s heart dropped. Not this again, she couldn’t watch Daisy go through it all over again. It was going so well, she was okay, she’d been okay.

“What is it?” She asked, already getting up, Fitz copying her.

“I don’t know, but the whole corridor is shaking and she knocked Ali out and, please just hurry.” Ed pleaded, panting as she ran over to Fitz’s dorm, bouncing on her toes as she waited outside.

“How long has it been going on?” She asked, silently thanking Fitz as he got the door for her.

“5 minutes? Maybe more?” Jemma sighed, trying not to shout at her for not calling her straight away.

“Ali’s okay?” She checked, running down the stairs two at a time.

“Bee’s with her, I don’t know bio, but she’s breathing, or she was when I was there.” Bella had her, that was good. Sure she was in engineering, but she'd be able to do more than the ops kids at least. It was just Daisy she had to worry about. Jemma burst through the door, holding it for Fitz as they all ran back to C-Niner, the shaking getting worse as they got nearer.

“Yesha, Jay.” Ava sighed in relief as they arrived. She’d been sitting anxiously outside Daisy’s room, knowing she wasn’t wanted with Ali and Bella, not daring to try to help Daisy.

“Hey, Vashkenka.” Ed said, letting Jemma run past her into her room.

Jemma swallowed her fear, pushing it down as she entered quietly, trying to stand up straight despite the shaking. 

“Hey, love.” She said gently, terrified of scarring her more. She was curled up in a ball on their bed, hands pressed over her ears, eyes shut tight, shaking, crying, begging. Jemma tried not to cry, tried to escape to her own mind, to the times at the prep this had happened, the aftermath of Hydra taking its toll. She took tentative steps towards her, perching nervously on their bed. 

“Daisy.” Jemma said, louder this time, knowing that she was no more than another wave of vibrations to her. She took Daisy’s hands, pressing them into her own, but Daisy’s mantra didn’t stop, her eyes didn’t open. That usually worked, this usually brought her back. She placed a tentative hand on her cheek, damp from her tears. She stroked her cheek, brushing a tear from her cheek.

“Daisy, love, I’m here, please.” She tried, pleading with her. She wasn’t scared of her, she never could be, but her anxiety was overwhelming, watching her go through this again, watching her stuck in her mind, no escape, horrors unwinding again and again before her. Jemma remembered her last episode, it was almost six months ago, the last time quakes had rocked the building, the last time Daisy had disappeared. Jemma placed her hand over her heart, knowing Daisy would feel those vibrations, her heartbeat, knowing she’d be seeking comfort, assurance. 

_ She felt a heartbeat over the screams, over the lights, over the soul piercing yells, the cries, over her own whimpers, her begging. She ran for it, knowing whose it was. She was familiar with that heartbeat, she listened to it every night before going to sleep, she focused on it, letting it pull her back from then. _

“Jemma.” She mumbled, breaking her muttering, her repetitive  _ control, control, control _ , her begging herself to just stop, to let go.

“Hey.” Jemma said quietly. Daisy opened an eye, Jemma swimming into view, Daisy’s hand over her heart. She flinched, moving back instantly.

_ Daisy shouldn’t be trusted with herself, or around others _

_ Shouldn’t be trusted _

_ Shouldn’t be trusted _

_ You already hurt her once _

“You need to get away.” She said shakily, wiping her own tears away, getting as far away from Jemma as physically possible. She couldn’t hurt her, not again. She couldn’t live with that.

“Daisy, you’re not going to hurt me.” She said confidently. Daisy shook her head, the room still shaking around them

“I can’t be trusted.” She said, terrified, terrified that she’d lose control, that she’d do to Jemma what she did to them, that she’d stop her heart with the clench of a fist.

“I trust you.” Jemma promised, offering Daisy her hand. She refused it, still shaking. 

“I wasn’t supposed to be let out, I was supposed to be kept there, where they could watch me. I’m dangerous.” Jemma felt like she’d lost the plot, but she went with what she knew.

“Everyone’s dangerous. Ava was trained in Russia, she’s deadly. Ed’s already being taken on missions, she’s deadly. Hell, even Bella’s a sharpshooter, even I can fire a gun. You’re no more dangerous than the rest of us.” She promised, not withdrawing her hand.

“Control.” Was all Daisy said. She had power, she had too much to control. 

“Yes, you’re in control. You can stop it, Dee, you’re in control.” Daisy shook her head.

“She needs to be contained until she can regain control.” She quoted, tears sliding down her cheeks. Then it hit Jemma. The file. She’d read it. She’d spoken about hacking into S.H.I.E.L.D. to read it before, but Jemma never thought she’d go through with it.

“No, that’s not you anymore. You’re strong, you have control, and you have the power.” Jemma wished Natasha was still here. She’d been away for a week, off undercover. They’d have words about this when she was back, she assumed.

“Please, Jems. I don’t want to hurt you.” She begged, her voice breaking, room still shaking around her, broken glass on the floor from a shattered light bulb.

“Okay. I’ll be right outside if you need me, I promise.” She said sadly, every cell in her body begging her to reach out, to embrace her, to hold her close and never let her go, never let her hurt again. 

She left, the shaking calming down as she closed the door behind her, collapsing into Fitz’s arms as she let tears fall.

“Hey, she’ll be fine, Simmons. She was last time, you remember?” He said gently, stroking her hair with his spare hand. She nodded, tears spilling fast down her cheeks, gulping for air. Ed led Ava into her room, leaving them alone in the corridor, Jemma shaking as the building shook, crying in Fitz’s arms as she wished she could hold Daisy in her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	18. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and May come visit Daisy at the Academy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for mentions of autistic meltdowns, PTSD and alcohol

“Hey, Jemma.” Phil said warmly as she greeted them at the door, pulling her into a hug. She looked exhausted, and he couldn’t blame her.

“Hi, Coulson.” She replied, trying to smile but not quite finding the energy for such pretences. 

“Morse.” May nodded to Ed who was poking her head out of her door to check who it was.

“May.” She replied, disappearing again. She liked Daisy’s mom, having been on mission with her before. She didn’t treat her like Bobbi’s kid sister like the rest of them did, and she respected her for that. 

Jemma led them through to the common area where Ali and Ava were playing Mario on the TV, May raising her eyebrows at the variety of languages Ava could swear in. She boiled the kettle, asking them if they wanted any drinks, May asking for a tea, Coulson saying he was fine, really just wanting to see Daisy. They sat at the kitchen island, Jemma’s hands shaking as she drank, May’s heart breaking for her.

“It’s bad?” Coulson asked, breaking their silence, Ava and Ali leaving to give them privacy. Jemma nodded.

“She hasn’t said a word to me since, she hasn’t eaten, and as far as I know she hasn’t slept.” She said, not meeting their eyes, a hand rubbing her neck. Coulson watched her carefully, anxious not to hurt her any more.

“And she read it 3 days ago?” May checked, already deep in thought. Jemma nodded, opening her mouth to apologise but Coulson stopped her.

“This isn’t on you, Simmons. It’s not on anyone, we just need to get her back on track.” She nodded, worrying her lip.

“I’m gonna go talk to her. You’re not invited.” May said shortly, leaving Phil with Jemma. 

Daisy didn’t look up as she entered, she was tucked under her duvet, facing the wall. 

“It’s mom.” She said calmly, perching on her desk. She knew Daisy probably already knew this, she was familiar with her vibrations, apparently, or maybe it was just the way she walked. She wanted to pick her up, take her far, far away, let her get better where they could be together, peaceful, somewhere in the mountains. Daisy preferred being outside, she knew. 

“I’m not gonna make you talk, but you are gonna listen.” May started, unsure as to whether or not anything she was saying was breaking through the veil, if she was reaching Daisy, or if her daughter was miles away, years ago. 

“This? This whole self destruction thing, this needs to stop.” May said firmly. Daisy didn't move, so she continued.

“You forget sometimes that I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve been the one damaged after a war, I’ve done the psych evals, the alcohol, the death wish, and I can promise you that it won’t work. I know what’s in that file, and I know that I fought for you for a  _ reason.  _ I know that I can’t understand your pain, that it’s yours to bear, but you will  _ not  _ bear it alone, for one simple reason.  You are  _ not _ alone. You have a girlfriend out there who loves you, a father who adores you, friends who’ve been worried sick. And so this? This won’t work.” May said fiercely, knowing that babying her wouldn’t work, that though she may hate it, she had to pull Daisy out of this.

Daisy listened, still not moving, paralysed as she lay there, her mother’s words cutting her. She could hear it in her voice, the pain, the disappointment that she’d caused. Just more hurt that was on  _ her _ , just another mistake that Daisy made. 

“We won’t give up on you, xiǎohua.” She said softly. Daisy heard her leave, letting out a shaky breath, tears falling as she was alone again, alone with her past, with the screams in her head. She wanted to ask her to stay, just wanted someone to hold her, but no. She was a liability, she couldn’t hurt them, not again.

* * *

  
  


“How’re you, Jemma?” He asked as they watched Melinda leave, Jemma cringing slightly at the concern in his voice.

“Tired.” She just said, sipping her tea. She was exhausted, emotionally, physically, mentally. Fitz had helped her through a meltdown earlier, she hadn’t slept in days, she’d missed 3 classes. Everything was all wrong, and she could hardly breathe, and she couldn’t think without Daisy, and that familiar hand was crawling up throat, and it was all so muddled, and-

Phil placed a gentle hand over hers. 

“Thank you.” He said earnestly, rubbing a thumb over her hand. She smiled a little, not a proper one, just a little upturn of the mouth, a little sigh. 

“For what?” She asked, eyes darting around uncomfortably.

“For taking care of her.” He said simply, moving his hand away. Her eyes met his briefly, his eyes kind, loving. She hadn’t had that for a while, that kind of parental love. She missed her mum, suddenly, wanting her to hug her, to tell her that everything would be okay. She wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe that Daisy would get better, that she’d be able to move past this, that this wouldn’t happen again. Her mother would tell her to keep her chin up, to look for the brighter days ahead, to believe in a better future. She liked to imagine that her dad would give her a hug, that he’d bring her a cup of tea and rub her back, that he’d make sure she was okay. But they weren’t here, her mum was in England, she’d never even met her dad. She was alone, Daisy was sick, Fitz was in a class, and she was alone. 

She felt tears welling in her eyes, her hand fiddling with her necklace, the other on the back of her neck. Phil looked at her, concerned.

“Jemma? Are you okay?” He asked, but she couldn’t even look at him.

“I miss my mum.” She said quietly, tears breaking from her eyes. His heart broke, he got up to put a hand on her shoulder

“Can I hug you?” He asked gently. She nodded, turning around in her chair so he could hold her, rubbing her back.

“I’m sorry.” She cried, gasping between cries. He held her close, rubbing her back gently, quiet words of comfort slipping out.

“It’s okay, Jemma, you’re okay.” He told her. She rested her head on his shoulder, sniffling quietly. He reached into his pocket and offered her a tissue. 

“Sorry.” She mumbled, taking it and blowing her nose. 

“You don’t need to apologise. It’s okay.” He smiled, a comforting hand on her shoulder. She pulled away from him, wiping away a tear. 

“It’s not. I’m supposed to be the okay one.” She said weakly, fiddling with her necklace. 

“You’re allowed to feel, and you’re definitely allowed to be upset.” He said, his mind temporarily off Daisy, focused on Jemma now.

“It’s just hard, seeing her like this.” She admitted, sighing. Daisy was unreachable again, she’d spent hours by her side in silence. Neither of them had cried, not after the quakes stopped. Jemma tried talking at first, all soft and calm, giving up after a while, just sitting with her as she refused to look her in the eyes, as she felt her shaking besides her. Fitz had dragged her out to eat eventually, but she couldn’t. The texture was weird and it felt too mushy in her mouth and she hated her jumper and the lights and everything was just  _ wrong.  _

“I know. I went through a similar thing with Mel a few years ago. They’ll be okay.” He promised, knowing that he couldn’t be of much comfort, but determined to try anyway.

“You did?” He nodded.

“The details are classified, but it took a couple years for her to bounce back fully. Just when I felt like she was getting okay again again-”

“-it would feel like all her progress had disappeared.” Jemma finished. 

“It does get better. They’re strong.” 

“I know.”

May came back in, Jemma quickly wiping her face.

“You get anything out of her?” Phil asked. May shook her head. They stayed with Jemma for a while, talking about anything but Daisy, Phil wanting to make sure she was okay. Eventually Ed, Ali, Ava and Bella emerged from their rooms, sitting around the island with them. Phil and May took the cue and left, entering Daisy’s room anxiously.

She hadn’t moved since May had left her, still curled up under her duvet facing the wall. She felt her dad sit on the bed next to her, her mom on the end. He went to put a hand on her shoulder but May stopped him, shaking her head slightly. 

God, he felt so useless. His daughter was right there, and she was in pain and there was nothing he could do but stay with her. He couldn’t come close to understanding, not like May could. 

“Daisy, are we okay to stay?” May asked, figuring she might not want the both of them, or either of them.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” A raspy voice said, weak and tired. May sighed in relief.

“You’re not gonna hurt us, honey. You haven’t before.” Phil said calmly. May didn’t know how he did this, staying so relaxed in these situations.

“I’ve killed people. I should be locked away. That’s what the file says.” She said numbly. 

_ 'Daisy shouldn’t be trusted with herself, or around others, she needs to be kept contained until she can regain control' _

“And we fought against that for a reason. You’re not a monster, Daisy, and you don’t deserve to be locked away. You’re a kid.” May said strongly, fiercely. She’d fight for her daughter, even if she had to fight her daughter. She’d held her afterwards, she’d listened to her cries, her relentless apologies. She was anything but a monster. 

“I hurt Ali. Jemma got shot because of me. I killed 37 men, I killed a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. How am I not a monster?” She pleaded, her voice breaking. 

“Because a monster wouldn’t feel guilt over any of that. You’re good, Dee, and we love you. Please, let us help?” He implored, wanting to reach out to her. Daisy rolled over, her eyes bloodshot, face red. 

“I just don’t want to hurt anyone.” She whispered, letting a tear run down her face. He wiped it away, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“You won’t, xiǎohuā. I promise.” May said gently. Daisy nodded, sitting up, reaching her arms out for her mom. May shuffled closer, hugging her tightly. Phil joined in, wrapping an arm around his girls. He felt Daisy start to cry again, but didn’t try to stop her. They had her, she’d be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	19. Bad Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing chapter summaries more than i hate grant ward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for PTSD and ADHD sensory overload

She knew it was a Bad Day right from the beginning. She woke up from the all too familiar nightmare, S.E.R.P.E.N.T., Bobbi in hospital, lights, beeping. It had been a while since she’d last had it, but c’est la vie, she supposed. She’d usually text Bobbi on days like this, morning where right out of the gate the lights were too bright, noises were amplified, smells intrusive. She’d normally text her after the nightmares as well, just to make sure she was still there, that she was real. Unfortunately, Bobbi was currently on a non-contact op, so there was no point in texting. She settled for pulling on one of her jumpers. It was technically the correct uniform, it still had Morse on it, it still had the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo (although it was the old eagle, rather than the newer one with sharper edges), so she wouldn’t get told off for that. It was just comforting, having a piece of her with her. 

She started off on her run, feeling hungover and high at the same time, the world buzzing around her. She could never understand how Daisy felt, being able to literally feel all the vibrations all the time, but she imagined that ADHD combined with sensory overload and a lack of sleep came pretty close. She met Natasha outside the gym, apparently waiting for her.

“Romanov.” She said with a nod.

“Finally. Daisy isn’t here.” Natasha said looking at her expectantly.

“I’m aware.” Their corridor was empty for Christmas, other than her and the twins. Jemma and Daisy were at Jemma’s mum’s house for Christmas, Ava unable to get away from her fast enough. Ed knew she was going to break up with her, she figured that was a problem for future Edie. 

“Well I can’t go in alone.” She said as though she was pointing out the obvious.

“You’re the Black Widow.” Ed said, raising an eyebrow.

“Sixteen years olds are scary.” She harrumphed, following Ed all the same. They sparred together, just with their fists, now swords or batons. Something was off with her, Natasha could tell. She kept flinching at the swing of a fist, or wincing at nothing. After she completely threw away a hit, Natasha gave up.

“What’s wrong?” She sighed, passing her a water. Ed shrugged.

“You don’t care.” Ed replied, half collapsing onto the floor, utterly exhausted already, draining her water in 2 minutes, the coolness calming as it slid down her throat. Natasha was a tad wounded at that.

“Of course I care.” She retaliated, sitting next to her. God, what was it with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents (or their children) having heart to hearts with her in gyms? There were definitely other places to be.

“Honestly, it’s nothing. I can’t be 100% all the time, is all.” Ed said slightly hesitantly. She was nowhere near 100%. She felt sick, her head was pounding, her heart was racing, she could hear everything, the lights were screaming at her, and the place stank of sweat and bleach.

“We can stop if you want, go shoot some guns or something?” Nat offered. She didn’t want to teach, and she liked Ed. Daisy was great, but Ed complained less, and didn’t talk as much. Ed shook her head. She didn’t want to feel the harsh recoil, the bang that would ricochet through her entire body, the cold metal in her hands. She wanted to go to bed with a cup of hot chocolate and sleep for a thousand years. Unfortunately that was not possible. 

“I’m fine.” She said, offering Natasha a hand as she got up. She took it, pulling herself up. They sparred for a little while longer, Nat keeping a careful eye on her, trying not to move too fast or too suddenly, not wanting to upset her, or scare her. Maybe it was something to do with Orlova, she hadn’t seen them together so much recently. She supposed it could be the ADHD, Bobbi had mentioned it a few times, or even the trauma(s).

Ed eventually slouched off, muttering something about social studies, taking Bobbi’s jumper and her water as she went. She was supposed to go study, but the thought of sitting at a desk made her want to cry, so she meandered around their corridor. She poked around Ali’s room, talking to herself about Bobbi, trying to pull her brain away from The Room, away from then, back to now, but it seemed to keep slipping back, sliding around the corner to white lights and the smell of a hospital. 

She made herself lunch, but seemed to forget to eat it, started a new game on Sims on her laptop that she abandoned shortly after, her sim frustrating her with its stupid noises. She wanted to sit still, to go to sleep, just escape from the world and how harsh it was on days like this, how overly sensitive she felt. It was like she was 11 again, stuck on a different wavelength to the rest of the world, like she was in some kind of torturous purgatory, unallowed to affect the world around her, just wandering around like a lost spirit. 

Ali and Bella came back eventually, bubbly as they ordered pizza (she could’ve sworn she’d cooked something), chattering about something she couldn’t quite translate, their voices too fast but painfully slow, her mind going at a million miles an hour, but trapped in the same moment, over and over and over again. She sat next to them on the couch, flinching as Ali bumped her shoulder, eyes terrified as she looked at her questioningly.

“I-” She tried, but she couldn’t make sense of the words.

“ Izvini ya prosto ustal.” She stuttered, Ali’s face still unreadable (or maybe she just couldn’t read it).

“Come again?” Ali asked, her face twisting itself up, voice all wrong, like it didn’t belong to her.

“Uh-” Ed attempted again, hands flailing as they grasped at invisible words. 

“Sprichst du Deutsch?” (Do you speak German) she checked, 99% sure that they did, not quite able to sort who spoke what.

“Ich mache. Sie ist außer Übung.” (I do. She’s out of practice.) Bella said, leaning forwards from the other side of Ali.

“Hey!” Ali exclaimed, hitting her shoulder. Bella shushed her, more worried about Ed. She was now fidgeting uncomfortably, hand on her neck like Jemma’s, knee bouncing. 

“Uh, schlechter Tag.” (Bad day) She explained hoping that would be enough for her to understand. Bella nodded. 

“Warum?” (Why?) Ed just shrugged. Now wasn’t the time. Well, more specifically she didn’t much want to explain in German how her relationship was falling apart because she didn’t know how to be vulnerable and couldn’t figure out why she didn’t want that kind of romance, she kept seeing her sister half dead in a hospital bed, and her entire brain felt like a squirrel chasing a swarm of very angry bees whilst dramatic classical music played in the background. 

“Haben hier wir für Ihrer.” (We here have for your) Ali said slowly, trying to piece together the words in her brain. 

“God, thousands of pounds, fuck knows how many private schools, and all you could string together is ‘we have here for your’?” Bella teased, poking her. 

“I was trying to be nice.” She pouted, whacking her back.

“Anhalten.” (Stop) Ed begged, their noise drowning her, unable to keep up with everything, the buzzing from the electricity, the light that was flickering ever so slightly, their chatter, and the unmistakable feeling of just  _ missing _ something.

“Tut mir leid.” Bella apologised. Ed shrugged again, getting up to get water, spotting an empty glass as she went, grabbing all the other dirty dishes and opening the dishwasher to load it when she saw that someone had left the biscuits out (probably her). She put them away, grabbing a packet of crisps as she settled back down on the couch, instantly wanting to get back up again.

“I’m going out. Text me when the pizza’s here.” She said abruptly, Ali stealing her crisps straight out of her hand as she left, Bella scolding her.

“Eds, you left your phone.”

“Kay.” 

“Should we follow her?” 

“Probably best not.”

She sprinted outside, feeling as though she could just combust. Everything was way too much, too loud, too quiet, she needed more, but if anyone made any noise or touched her she might just collapse, or puke, or just explode, or all three. The night was freezing, of course it was. It was late Canadian December, it was literally snowing. She shivered as she walked outside, running as far and as fast as she could. She heard someone shouting for her, running after her, but that just spurred her on more. She felt a hand reach her shoulder and she jolted, flipping them over onto their back in front of her. Natasha’s (slightly disgruntled) face swum into view, red hair now wet from the ground.

“Ow.” She said as she got herself up, Ed shaking slightly.

“Ukhodi.” (Go away) She said, walking off to start running. Natasha grabbed her hand, more carefully this time in her position, really hoping that she didn’t get flipped over by an 18 year old again. 

“What’s going on?” She asked bluntly. 

“Govorit' po-russki.” (Speak Russian.) Ed sighed.

“V chem delo?” (What’s going on?) She repeated, letting go of Ed’s hand. 

“Plokhoy den'. Vy znayete, glupyye podrostkovyye veshchi.” (Bad day, you know, stupid teen stuff) she replied, skin itching for her to run again.

“Kak chto?” (Like what?)

“Naprimer, moya devushka rasstayetsya so mnoy, ili ya skuchayu po ney, khotya yey luchshe bez menya, ili moy duratskiy ADHD, ili pochti smertel'nyy opyt moyey sestry, s kotorym ya, Blya, ne mogu izbavit'sya.” 

(Like my girlfriend breaking up with me, or me missing her even though she's better off without me, or my stupid damn ADHD, or my sister's near death experience that I can't FUCKING get over) She spilled, yelling by the end, wanting to punch something, or cry, or just scream. She wanted Bobbi, but she was God knows where doing God knows what.

“OK. Mogu ya bez hat' s toboy?” (Ok. Can I run with you?) Natasha didn’t want to leave her alone. She looked distressed, it didn’t feel right letting her wander off into the darkness.

“Da. Bud' spokoyen.” (Yes. Be quiet.) She said, setting off again. Natasha followed silently, blending into the night. Ed didn’t cry, she didn’t yell or scream or shout, although she wanted to. She compartmentalized, she arranged her problems in her head, trying to label them neatly, her internal monologue seemingly incapable of sticking to one thing at a time. She was supposed to get better at this, at shutting herself off in favour of blank expressions, unreadable faces. Ah, the life of a specialist. Natasha ran back to her corridor with her, keeping her company until she got to the door.

“Ona ty zavtra, da sestra?” (See you tomorrow, yeah sister?) she checked, Ed already gone. 

She opened the door, making her way to the sofa to sit with the twins who were watching netflix, exhausted from their pizza.

“There’s some in the microwave for you, babe. I assume we’re staying up?” Ali asked, gesturing to the microwave as they shuffled over.

“We?” Ed asked, flopping a couple slices onto her plate.

“Well, we can hardly leave you all by your lonesome, can we now? Anyways, I’m going through a breakup, she’s an insomniac and you’re a mess. It’ll be a party.” Ali laughed, batting Bella’s hands away.

“For the record, I don’t think you’re a mess Eds.” Bella said.

“Well, that makes one of us.” She sighed, flopping down next to them. 

“Mental stability is overrated.” Ali decided, holding up a glass of ribena. Ed bumped her water against it.

“Cheers to that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	20. Am I Broken?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im so hungry wtaf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally hate this chapter so much i just re read it and idk what the FUCK i was on, but it is not the shit. i will right these wrongs in like,,, 8 chapters time. sorry.

It had been a week since Ava had gotten back from New York after spending Christmas with Oksana and her family, and Ed was getting worried. She could feel the buildup to their breakup brewing, apparently Ali could as well, it was just a matter of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was excruciating, waiting for her to say something, to kiss her or to joke, or to just snap at her. 

She thought it was going to happen one night. She came back tired, stressed, her eyes broken. Ed really thought that was it, that she’d truly failed, but no. Ava just curled up in her arms, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep. Maybe that was goodbye. Maybe that would be their last moment of bliss, Ed’s last opportunity to be what she needed. 

She should’ve known better than to push her away, should’ve held on tighter, let Ava see all of her, all of her baggage, her dark bits. She should’ve been more open, more available, but the rest of her screamed  _ No!  _ She told herself it was for the best, that not letting her in would protect them both, but here they were, Ava trying not to let go, Ed in pain, both of them hurting over the loss of each other, their comfort, but neither of them fighting to recover it.

* * *

  
  


“Yesha, can we talk?” Ava knocked lightly on her door. Her and Oksana had spent hours together that Christmas, trying to figure it out, trying to figure out what it was about Ed, what it was that made Ava’s hair stand on end at her touch, what it was that made her so unreachable. Sure, they had fun, sure, the sex was  _ great _ , sure she was amazing, and in theory, everything Ava could want. So why, why was it that she was cold, that she seemed incapable of vulnerability, that whilst Ava was warm, like a fireplace, burning happily and steadily, Ed could go from a raging forest fire to a block of ice, utterly unmeltable? 

Ava didn’t need the strong and silent cliche, if she was after that she’d be dating a guy. She needed warmth, and giggles, and silliness, to be so comfortable in love that she never doubted it, that with her she was only light. With Ed it wasn’t like that. With Ed it was nights of entangled limbs, followed by a week of nothing. It was a date that ended in sweet kisses, followed by nervous smiles. With Ed it was tension, hesitant, fragile, Ava happy to be hers, happy to be in it 100%, Ed was holding back. 

Ed looked up from her desk where she’d been trying to sit down and learn S.H.I.E.L.D. history for her global politics class, feeling awfully like her 7 year old self trying to sit in a classroom quietly for 6 hours a day. 

“Yeah, hi.” She said, letting out a sigh of relief at the excuse to close her laptop.

“I need to know the deal with us.” Ava said quickly, the words spilling out before she had time to prepare herself for the repercussions. 

“What do you mean?” Ed asked.

_ Oh my god she hates me _

_ She’s gonna break up with me _

_ She hates me so much _

_ God what am I gonna do _

_ I didn't deserve her anyway _

_ Shit _

_ Shit, shit, SHIT _

“I mean, we flirt and we sleep together and we kiss and it’s great, and then nichego, for weeks. And then you take me out on a date, or whatever you want to call it and then again, nichego. We have sex and we drink and we spar and you ignore me, and so, Edie, I need to know.” She said, her voice wavering. 

_ Compartmentalize, malyshka _

Ed let out a shaky breath. Years of compartmentalizing, years of ignoring her emotions, of S.H.I.E.L.D., of being taught to hide her emotions, and this is what it came down to.

“I’m sorry. I love you, really, I do.” Ava shook her head.

“I don’t need to know that you love me, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that I need to feel it. I need to feel loved, I need consistency, I need love, Edie, and I’m sorry, but you’re not giving it to me.” Ava said, trying not to raise her voice, trying to make her understand.

“I know. I’m sorry. But, I can try, I can be better for you, I promise, I just don’t know how.” Ava’s heart sunk. Ed didn’t love her. Maybe she’d known that already, maybe she was just realising it now, but for whatever reason, Ed was shut off from the world, from her.

“You don’t love me.” Ava said quietly, breath trapped in her chest. Ed’s eyes shot up, she stood, taking Ava’s hands.

“No, of course I do, come on Vashka, I just… I don’t know how. Please, stay, Ava.” Ed pleaded, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Ava moved away, locking her hands with Ed’s, taking a breath.

“I know you’re capable, Yesha, I know you can love. Come back when _ you _ know you can.” Ava’s voice quivered, willing her tears not to fall.

“Every relationship I’ve been around has crumbled, my parents, me and Daisy, Piper and Alice. I don’t know how to love, but for you, I promise I can try.” Ava shook her head.

“Come back when you can. I need more, Yesha, and it’s not fair to either of us to keep continuing otherwise.”

“I’m sorry.” Ed mouthed as she left, the smell of her shampoo lingering. Ed sat on her bed, silent. She didn’t cry, didn’t scream, or shout, or punch. She just sat there, one question lingering in her mind.

_ Am I broken? _

Ava’s words rung in her mind.

_ Capable _

That’s what she’d said. Was she incapable of loving her, of loving her the way she needed?

What was she, if she couldn’t learn to love? The most human thing, the first thing that kids learnt, and she couldn’t do it? Everything around her seemed to crumble, all the people she loved either got hurt or rejected her. Bobbi, Daisy, Jemma, Ali. The cycle was the same, nobody stayed. Bobbi barely had time to call; Daisy had been in love with Jemma the whole time (although she supposed that was technically self sabotage considering she knew that anyway); Jemma had been shot, she could’ve protected her, should’ve done better. Even Ali, her best friend, had been hurt. She was in pain over Piper, Ed knew that. She knew it wasn’t the breakup itself, Ali had come to terms with that. It was the gaping hole that they left, the reliability, the solid ground, the comfort of knowing that someone had your back. 

Did Ed have that? Had she ever had that? Was she so unloveable, so awful that no one could bear it, that even her own sister disappeared eventually? Or maybe, even more terrifyingly, it wasn’t that she was unloveable, maybe she was just incapable of love. Maybe she could never achieve that kind of intimacy, that utterly romanticised view of what a relationship should be like, perfect beach days, cosy nights by the fire. Maybe she’d been so damaged by S.H.I.E.L.D. that she couldn’t even let her girlfriend in, maybe no one would ever want her because of the life she’d chosen for herself, for the walls she put up around herself. Maybe she’d become so paralysed by fear of hurting someone that she’d never be able to love them properly.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Ali poked her head round the door.

“Dee said Ava was crying, I came to check on you.” She said quietly, sitting next to her and closing the door.

“She’s crying?” Ed asked.

“Apparently. What happened?” She pushed, nudging her a little.

“I think I might be broken.” She told her, not look up from where her gaze had been fixed on the floor for who knows how long, body shaking.

“What?” Ali asked, not expecting that from her.

“I don’t know how to love someone, not like that, not how she wanted.” She said monotonously. Maybe there was something wrong with her. Maybe there’d always been something wrong with her, a reason why she’d set herself up for heartbreak with Daisy, a reason why she’d never seemed to fit quite right with Ava. What if her walls could never be broken down, if the border protecting her from the world came crawling back, isolating her all over again. No, isolating was the wrong word. Protecting her from the world, from the inevitable fact that everyone leaves eventually, everything ends.

“That doesn’t make you broken, Eds.” Ali tutted, offering her hand to hold. She took it, squeezing it gently.

“I’m incapable of loving, Li. The most fundamentally human thing, and I can’t do it.” Ali shook her head.

“You’re far from incapable of loving, or being loved. I love you, don’t I? And you love me, and you love Bells, and Bobbi and DJ.” Ali comforted, rubbing her hand with a thumb.

“But not her. Why not her? Why don’t I want all that stupid couple stuff with the tacky valentines and the stupid pillow talk? And why do I have to lose her because of it?” she pleaded, close to tears, close to the dam breaking. Ali shrugged.

“Because maybe tacky valentines and stupid pillow talk aren’t for you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re not broken because you don’t want the same thing as her, and you’re not broken because you don’t love like that. You’re far from broken, Eds.” She promised, letting Ed lean on her shoulder, tears finally falling. 

“I miss her.” She said quietly, knowing that Ali knew what she meant, that she knew it went so much deeper than just missing her. It was an awful combination of guilt, and fear, and self hatred, regret, self blame, and a kind of sadness that carried its own gravity, the kind of grief that felt so shallow, but cut so deeply.

“I know.” Ali replied, rubbing her shoulder because of course she knew. She missed Piper, or she missed who they used to be. It was January now, three months since they’d broken up. It still felt weird, being single for the first time since she was 14. It was better though. Sometimes she still felt guilty about not being more upset over them, their breakup, but she reminded herself that she hadn’t lost them, just that they hadn’t really been together for years.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, wiping away a tear as she buried her head in Ali’s shoulder.

“Don’t apologise, babe. I got you.” She assured her, letting Ed wrap an arm around her waist.

“Okay, if you’re gonna be a bloody koala can I go get my pajamas on?” Ali asked. Ed sighed, pulling herself off her so Ali could go change, pulling pajamas on for herself as well. She just felt so wrong, so guilty, like she couldn’t ever be enough, but didn’t really want to be either. She didn’t want that, and so maybe it was wrong of her to start dating Ava in the first place, or maybe she should’ve checked in, or broken it off herself when she’d realised it couldn’t work.    
  


She thought about what Ava had said, ‘come back when you know you can’. How could she? How could she ever go back to her knowing that she couldn’t offer what she needed, that she’d never be enough because she couldn’t just hand her heart to someone like that, she couldn’t let someone see her like that. 

Of course she knew how to love. Maybe she just couldn’t love her, or maybe she couldn’t love her like that.

Ali came back later, ice cream, a bottle of water and painkillers in hand. Ed raised an eyebrow, brushing away tears.

“What’s the paracetamol for?” She asked.

“Tomorrow morning. You’ll have a headache, trust me.” She nodded, turning her lights off whilst Ed flicked her lamp on, snuggling under her duvet with her, Ed wrapped around her like a koala.

“Is it always this shit?” Ali chuckled.

“Absolutely not.” She promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, this is absolutely shit, i deeeeply apologise. ali was the highlight of this chapter and it wasn't even about her. will fix it soon, just needed it to happen now for uh,,, reasons


	21. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So like,,, it's angst, but kinda a happy ending,,, ig???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for depression, eating issues, vomitting,

For a while after What Happened in November ™, Daisy was annoyed at everyone for babying her again. She was annoyed at Nat for being understanding and going easy on her, she was annoyed at Jemma for bringing her teas, she was annoyed at her parents for calling everyday. You have one breakdown and everyone starts fussing over you again. For a month afterwards that was how it was. Jemma was all gentle again, calling her ‘love’ and kissing her forehead softly, brushing her hair for her. Natasha didn’t fuss over her being late, didn’t call her out on the circles under her eyes. Even Ed treated her differently, speaking to her in Mandarin mostly, knowing that it comforted her. She wanted someone to get angry with her, to shout at her, to tell her that she wasn’t okay, but nobody did. 

She wanted to say she was better than she was. She wanted to say that she didn’t have nightmares about killing Jemma, about killing Ali, or her mom, or her dad, or Ed. She wanted to say that she could eat without hating herself, because who was she to deserve food? She wanted to go back to how it was before, before Hydra, before she knew that she should’ve been locked away, before she started thinking that they should’ve thrown away the key. She wanted to say that it wasn’t killing her all over again, that all of the progress, all of the steady, shaky progress she’d made in the last two years was still there. Really, it felt like Hydra was still fresh in her mind. Her hands shook again, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a full night sleep. 

It was March now. She didn’t know if they could tell, if they could feel that she was broken. Jemma knew, because how could she not notice? It killed her, seeing Daisy like this again. She’d really thought it was over, that she was ‘Better’, whatever that meant. Instead she was quiet. She wasn’t closed off like she was the first time around, but it was almost as though Jemma could feel her grief, her anguish as she held her. She thought about what Coulson had said, that May had been through this, that she was better now. They’d been talking more recently, Daisy had a habit of giving her phone to Jemma and pretending like she wasn’t there when he called.

He was nice, she liked him a lot. He asked about her, if she was okay, if she was taking care of herself. No one had done that for her in a while, not like he did. Her mum called on Fridays, but it wasn’t the same. He’s what she’d imagined a dad would be like, he made bad puns and he sent Daisy little care packages once a month. He cared about her, and he comforted her, and she needed that. She thought Daisy took him for granted sometimes. She didn’t realise how lucky she was, growing up with him there, being able to lean on him. She knew she was closer with her mum, which she appreciated, but she found May a little intimidating (more than a little. She’d given her the protective mum talk after they’d gotten together; Jemma still shuddered at the thought). 

* * *

  
  


Daisy woke up on the morning of the 18th. 

_ Great. _

_ No,  _ she corrected herself, 

_ We like being alive, remember? _

She sighed, cursing her internal monologue and turning the alarm off. Her and Jemma had the luxury of a double bed now (courtesy of her dad, he’d made them swear not to tell her mom though), although she kinda missed their old one. 

Jemma mumbled sleepily as she got up, Daisy not sure what she said, or if it was even English. She ran some fingers through her hair, telling herself she’d wash it later, knowing that was utter bullshit. It just felt like she was stumbling blindly through her life, not quite sure where she was going, or what she was doing, and not at all enjoying the journey. She longed for the easiness that she’d felt before she’d found out, for how okay she’d been. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, but it was better than this, this hellscape she found herself trapped in. 

She tugged on joggers and a sports bra, tying her hair back off her face and grabbing a protein shake from the fridge. Jemma was the first one to recommend her to drink them. She knew she couldn’t make her eat, that she didn’t even like it very much, but she couldn’t keep going on 12 mile runs followed by full workouts on an empty stomach. 

“Morning, ditya.” Natasha greeted. Daisy just nodded, setting off beside her. She didn’t get the same release out of running she used to. To be fair, she didn’t get the same release out of anything she used to, but Jemma (well, she assumed it was Jemma) had taken all the blades that people (Ed) kept lying around- throwing knives and such. It was a relief, knowing that she couldn’t be tempted by something that wasn’t there, that at least this time she was coping better. 

They sparred for a while, Natasha had started training her to fight with batons, and they’d started exploring how she could use her powers in combat since she’d started going to enhanced training again. She hated using her powers. They made her feel unbelievably guilty, and the nausea didn’t help. Natasha made her, of course, claiming some exposure therapy shit, telling her that to master her fear she couldn’t hide from it, but it hurt all the same. Jemma would hold her hair back for her when she got home, comforting her through the nausea. It would be Ali instead if Jemma was in a class, as she stuck to her rule of ‘if it’s before 9am, I’m not there’. She wanted to thank them, to laugh with them, but she was just so  _ tired. _

As expected, she hurried back after sparring, already dizzy from the vibrations that overwhelmed her, the guilt that was running through her, sickness rising in her body. She ignored Ava as she said a nervous ‘hi’ that morning. Now wasn’t the time, and she was annoyed at her anyway (she broke up with Ed two months ago, and apparently Daisy could hold a grudge better than Ed could). Sure enough she was crouched over the toilet two minutes later, her mouth bitter with bile. Ali ran through, water in hand.

“Can I come in?” She asked.

“Sure.” Daisy choked. It was mostly bile, and she could never tell if it was an actual side effect from her powers, or psychosomatic as Jemma suspected. She had no intention of asking her SO either, not wanting to confess anything like that to her. 

Elizabeth, her therapist, had been going on about how all of this was perfectly normal in reaction to trauma. Daisy pointed out that this wasn’t even a reaction to trauma, it was a reaction to someone else’s reaction to her trauma. That had made Elizabeth go into a rant about triggers and setbacks and ‘you got better before, you can do it again’. And she wanted to, really she did, everything was just so  _ heavy _ .

Ali rushed through, pulling her hair back for her, rubbing her back. Daisy stopped, slumping onto the floor and leaning against the cubicle door. Their bathroom was set out weirdly. When you walked in there were two toilet cubicles with three sinks and countertops opposite them. The adjourning room was just two separate showers, both in a cubicle of course. Ali handed her the water, smiling sympathetically as she sniffled, brushing away a tear. 

“Sorry.” She mumbled. Ali laughed.

“It’s fine babe. I got you.” She told her, brushing her shoulder. Daisy sniffled again, sipping the water.

“You feel like breakfast?” Ali asked. Daisy knew that it wasn’t really a question, it was more ‘you will eat this slice of toast if it’s the last thing you do because I love you and I don’t care if you hate me for it’. 

“Well, I don’t really have a choice.” Daisy sighed, pulling herself up. 

“I mean, you don’t, but I’d rather not straight up threaten you.” Ali grinned. 

“Let me shower first, I’ll be out later.” She promised, heading to their room and grabbing a gray t-shirt, black skinny jeans and her towel, heading back through to shower. As promised, she headed back out to eat with Ali and Bella, who appeared to be arguing over the issue of whether or not Luna should be allowed to walk all over the table.

“She’s fine, Li.” Bella complained, fussing her.

“She’s been out with all the rats and fleas, I’d rather not have their germs in my frosties.” Ali shot back. They turned around as Daisy entered, her hair wet from the shower (she’d washed it, congratulating herself).

“What can I do you for?” Ali asked. 

“I’ll do it.” Daisy just said, getting bread out of the breadbin and popping it in the toaster.

“Tea? Coffee?” She offered, but they both refused. She joined them at the table later, black coffee and buttered toast in hand whilst she sat there dissociating, tuning out their conversation in favour of scrolling through her phone and zoning out, letting her mind take over, just for a little while. It was Bella who interrupted her spiral, a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Fitzy wanted to know if you finished the programming for the bugs.” Daisy furrowed her brow.

“Freddy?” She asked. Bella nodded.

“Uh, yeah, the chip’s in my room I’ll go get it.” She mumbled, getting up. Bella looked anxiously over at Ali.

“What?” she asked, shrugging. 

“Nothing, just worried about her.” She admitted. 

“Yeah, same. But hey, she did it last time, she can do it again.” Ali said. She’d been talking with Jemma about it in biochem yesterday. Well, more like she’d been comforting Jemma about it because she had to keep on watching her girlfriend break over and over again and felt powerless to do anything.

“I know. It’s just hard seeing her like this.” Ali nodded. 

“I know.” Daisy came back in with the chip and they both stopped talking, smiling at her.

“What?” She asked, handing it to Bella.

“Oh, nothing, we were just talking about the wee bugs.” Ali said. It was a project that all of the Sci-Tech departments were working on together. Taking little insects and turning them into actual spy bugs. Daisy was working with Bella and Fitz. Their bugs name was Freddy 1.1 (Freddy 1.0 was a little bit squashed) and Bella was getting unhealthily attached to him. 

“Okay.” Daisy said, leaving again. She knew they were talking about her, obviously. They had those sickening grins on, the slightly guilty ones that her parents wore when they’d been talking about her, or that Jemma wore when she’d spoken to her dad. God, how she wanted someone to shout at her.

She skipped her afternoon classes. She was sick, she’d puked that morning and her head felt like it was splitting in half and her hands simply would not stop shaking. Jemma came back for lunch with Ava, all gentle and soft and utterly infuriating. 

* * *

“Hey, Jems?” Daisy asked. Jemma looked up from where she was curled up at the end on the sofa reading.

“Yeah?” she replied. Daisy sat cross legged at the other end.

“Why don’t you get angry with me?” She asked, anxiety and frustration building up as she fidgeted nervously. Jemma frowned.

“Why would I get angry with you?” Daisy shrugged, biting her lip anxiously.

“You try to help me and I push you away. You’re so kind and perfect to me and I repay you with silence and days spent in bed not talking to you. I just don’t get it.” She said quietly. Jemma closed her book.

“I’m kind because you deserve it, Daisy. I don’t expect payment for being good to you. I’m good to you because I love you. And sure, it can be frustrating sometimes, seeing you in pain, but I’m never going to take it out on you.” She said calmly. Daisy’s heart started racing.    
  
“But I don’t deserve that.” She mumbled, her voice breaking. Jemma brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek.

“Of course you do. You’re not going to look out for yourself, and I care about you, so I will.” She said simply. 

“But why won’t you get angry? What’s with all the babying and the gentleness and the softness? I’m being annoying, I’m not doing great, and you’ve been nothing but perfect the  _ entire time _ , and it’s so frustrating because I can’t do that for you and I just hate myself,  _ so much. _ ” She said through a wavering voice, biting back tears.

“My anger wouldn’t help anyone. And it’s not my job to give you tough love, your mother and Natasha have that sorted. I’m here for you, and I know you’ll be there for me when I need it. Just, let me take care of you whilst you do.” It made her skin crawl, hearing Daisy talk about herself like that. She hated knowing that Daisy truly felt she didn’t deserve to be loved, to be taken care of.    
  


“I’m sorry.” Daisy mouthed silently. Jemma shook her head, opening her arms for Daisy to crawl into them. 

“I love you. I will always take care of you, whether you feel like you deserve it or not.” Jemma promised, holding her closely against her. 

“Thank you.” She murmured, letting Jemma hold her. Jemma stroked her back, muttering to her as she let herself relax, Daisy’s head buried in her neck.

“I don’t deserve this.” She admitted. 

“You deserve the world.” Jemma promised, kissing her head.

“I don’t even deserve you.” Jemma froze. Oh shit, oh shit shit shit, not this again. 

_ Come on, Jemma you’re not there.  _

The last time Daisy had said that Jemma had been in hospital with two gunshot wounds, white lights piercing her, no control over anything and machines constantly monitoring her. What was it she’d said?

“My love isn’t weak, Daisy May.” She said quietly. 

“Shit, sorry.” Daisy apologised, moving away from her. Jemma shook her head.

“It’s fine.” Jemma promised. It wasn’t fine. She could feel herself shaking, feel her heart racing.

“No, it’s not Jems. I can feel your heart, I’m sorry.” Daisy said earnestly. Jemma let out a shaky breath.

“I need tea.” She said firmly, going to stand up.

“I got it.” Daisy said, busying herself. Jemma’s mum had started the tea thing. Whenever she’d have a meltdown or shutdown in primary school she’d make her a cup of tea and they’d talk about it. She’d done the same the summer after Hydra. Jemma had drunk a lot of tea that summer.

“Thank you.” She said, not meeting Daisy’s eye as she handed her the mug, afraid that she’d see the same girl behind them, the terrified girl who’d come crying to her in hospital, who’d shattered a lamp, who honestly believed she should’ve died.

“I’m not her anymore.” Daisy told her as though reading Jemma’s mind, looking at the floor.

“I know. I just see her in your eyes sometimes.” Jemma admitted. Daisy thought about that.

“She’ll always be a part of me, I suppose. She just feels a lot closer recently.” Jemma nodded.

“But hey, you don’t need to bury her, or deny her. She’s okay, it’s okay that she’s a part of you. You just need to take care of her.” Jemma said, sipping her tea.

“I don’t like her very much.” Daisy confessed.

“Well, I don’t like this version of me very much. We learn to live with it I suppose.” Jemma said. 

“I love every part of you.” Daisy told her. 

“And I love every part of you.” Jemma said gently. 

“So, the answer to my question is that you love the parts of me that I detest?” Daisy asked. Jemma frowned.

“What was the question?”

“Why don’t you get angry with me despite me being a mess?” Daisy said, a little embarrassed at how it sounded now.

“Because I love you and you don’t deserve anger.” Jemma confirmed. 

“So no matter how long this,” Daisy gestured to herself, “Goes on, you’ll still be here?” She checked.

“Always.” She assured her. 

“And you’re not babying me?” Jemma shook her head.

“Not babying you, love, it’s called human decency.” She said with a smile.

“And you know I’m always here for you?”

“I do.” She said with a smile. Daisy nodded, leaning against her again. Jemma smiled, kissing her head again as she made herself comfortable, stealing Jemma’s arm and using it as a multipurpose teddy/ pillow.

“You’re okay?” Jemma checked. She wasn’t okay. She wouldn’t be okay for a while.

“Better.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k for all you americans, frosties are literally god's gift to this earth. they're like,,, cornflakes coated in sugar, it's amazing and you're all missing out awfully.


	22. A Little Piece Of Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tiny lil fluffy fluff with statictech cos i don't write them enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no trigger warning!

Electric Company\-  Wrap up tonight.

Token Straightie\-  ...why?

Electric Company- You’ll see ;)

Token Straightie\-  i don’t think asking me to put on more clothes constitutes a winky face.

Electric Company\-  No, that bit comes after. 

Token Straightie- see that, that needed a wink.

Electric Company- ;)

“Hey.” He said lightly as she joined him outside wrapped in a winter coat. Sure, it was April, but she’d learnt pretty quickly that it got cold fast.

“Evening.” She replied, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him in spite of her slightly heeled boots.

“Permission to make fun of you for being short?” He requested, smirking as she fell back down.

“Permission denied, oh tall one.” She teased. It was Ed who got the brunt of his teasing anyway, him being 6’1” whilst she’d been stuck at the puny height of 5’11” for years. 

“No fun.” He pouted.

“Sorry dear. Anyways, I assume we have a goal tonight?” She asked as she linked their arms, following him off campus.

“We do indeed. How do you like fireworks?” She gasped. She loved them, the smell of the bonfire, the colours that lit up the sky, the blind euphoria that she felt, the rush of just being out at night, hands cold, feeling as though everything just seemed to slot into place.

“I like them very much.” She beamed.

“Super.” He smiled. 

“There’s a display?” She asked curiously.

“Well, there’s a display at a fairground.” He told her.

“Fairground, as in ferris wheels and candyfloss?” She asked, excited. They’d been to one together before, but never with fireworks.

“That’s the one.” He nodded. She gasped,

“Can we go on the rides?” She gushed.

“You are aware that we’re 18 and can do what we want?” He laughed, part of him revelling in her childlike excitement.

“Well, wouldn’t want to scare you on a big ride, would we now?” She teased, poking him in the ribs.

“I’ll manage.” He promised. 

“We’ll hope so, sure.” She replied. They walked all the way there, only about half an hour. It was cold, they’d had snow the week previously. She missed the South of France, summers where the temperature gets above 20 degrees celsius. Eventually, they rounded the corner to where they could hear excited squeals of the last children, over tired and leaving for the night. 

“This is our stop, I guess.” She sighed. He took out his phone to scan their tickets, each of them getting a little wristband once, the kind that Bella would’ve kept on for weeks when she was younger. 

“Rides first? Then we can get food and go find somewhere quiet to watch the fireworks?” She asked. He nodded, following as she took his hand, marching them into queues for various rides that made him feel a tad nauseous just to look at them. She squealed with glee as they were thrown around in endless circles, pinned against the edges of a wall. He had to hold his breath, eyes closed just to stop his powers from shutting down the whole damn fairground. They stumbled off, her giggling tipsily, him concentrating every cell in his body towards not falling over.

“That was awful.” He groaned, crouching on the ground.

“Oh shove off, it wasn’t  _ that _ bad.” She sighed, brushing her hair off her fair.

“It was definitely that bad.” She crouched on the floor beside him, ruffling a hand through his hair.

“Poor sparky.” She fussed, getting bored after 2 minutes of crouching and dragging him back up again.

“No more spinning.” She resolved, taking them towards a house of horrors. It was her turn to piss herself screaming on this one, although she’d never admit that she spent half the time buried in his sweater if anyone asked (he’d already been sworn to secrecy).

“Hey, Bells?” He asked as the ride ended. She shook her head.

“No Bells here, sorry, you’ll have to pop round later.” She said quietly, not wanting to leave her comfy place, free of stupid ghosts and cobwebs and not at all scary spiders.

“Come on.” He chuckled, getting up, taking her hand as she whined and apologising to the next couple. She clung to his arm as they left, huffing as he kissed her forehead.

“You want cotton candy now?” She perked up at that.

“Yes. And cheesy fries.” She decided, making her way towards a snack stand. She got candy floss and cheesy fries, as well as a sprite. He had a huge popcorn as well as a corndog and a coke. 

“We could go sit on the hill, eat this up there and wait for the fireworks?” He suggested. She nodded, following him up the hill. She found his hand, linking it with hers and closing them both in her pocket, drumming her fingers lightly against his. They flopped onto the grass, both of them thankful for the long winter coats that were apparently still necessary despite it being April. 

“What time are the fireworks?” she asked, taking a bite of a chip.

“8ish, I think. Only 15 minutes.” He assured her. They talked idly for a while, Bella quickly getting impatient waiting for the fireworks. Eventually it started, bright colours lighting up the sky. She leaned on his shoulder, smiling up at the sky. She looked to the stars, sparsely scattered in the sky. If DJ were here they’d be all soppy, going on about Ophiuchus or Cygnus, telling each other stories. Bella was content to just look, to bask in the cool night, happy with her boyfriend, fireworks lighting the sky up, stars grinning down at them. 

“It’s pretty neat, right?” He asked, smiling down at her.

“Yeah. Pretty neat.” She tried not to laugh, biting her bottom lip as the sky exploded, as everything seemed to fall into place, like the planets were aligning. This? This was good, they were good. 

“What ya thinkin’ about?” He asked gently. 

“I’m not sure.” She pondered.

“I guess I’m thinking about the stars, about the sky, just how infinite space is, and how tiny we are by comparison, and how huge we seem. And yourself?” 

“Right, yeah, that. Totally not my mom’s pumpkin pie.” He said sarcastically. She got that though, the idea of thinking about home.

“You miss her?” She asked. 

“Sometimes.” He mused, “But not in moments like this.” He decided. He missed his home. He’d been pulled out of his sophomore year by S.H.I.E.L.D., torn out of his life. He missed his brother, of course, his parents, his house, but he had a pretty good thing going here. She nodded, leaning back into him and letting him take her hand, turning their attention back to the sky, to the possibility it held, to the future before them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! :D


	23. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhhh they get tattoos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no CWs, just fluff :)

"And you're sure about this?" Daisy checked again. Jemma rolled her eyes.

"Yes!" she sighed, shoving her playfully, "You're finally 18, we should celebrate, and what better way than making our parents want to hunt us down and kill us?" Jemma grinned. Daisy nodded.

"Fair point. Okay, so you'll book the appointment for next Saturday?" she asked, shuffling over to see her phone.

"Now?" Jemma asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, yanno what they say. No time like the present." Daisy shrugged.

"It won't be the actual thing from what Li said, just the consultations." Daisy clarified. Ali had gotten her first tattoo, a sprig of lavender, on her forearm a little while after she'd turned 18. Daisy had first bought it up with Jemma that night.

"Hey, you ever thought about getting a tattoo?" Daisy'd asked, poking her with her foot from across the sofa. Jemma shrugged.

"Never been opposed to the idea, I don't intend to though. Why do you ask?" She replied.

"Just wondering. Just, if you were up for it, in July we could get one together." She said shyly. Jemma looked over at her.

"What were you thinking?" Jemma already had an idea, but Daisy brought it up first, so she supposed it was polite to wait.

"Well, I don't know, it might stupid but I'd kinda like Ophiuchus on the side of my stomach, like here?" Daisy said, gesturing to her upper right ribs at the edge. Jemma grinned.

"Sounds like a plan. We'll talk more, obviously, but I like the idea." She'd said lightly. Daisy nodded, focusing back down on her phone. 

* * *

"Hi," Jemma said on the phone, gesturing to Daisy to be quiet.

"Uh, this is my first one. I was calling for me and my girlfriend, actually, she turned 18 yesterday so we figured we'd finally do this after talking about it for months because our friend got one and she liked it and it just seemed like a nice way to celebrate something really special to us and-" Daisy put a gentle hand on her knee.

"Babe, you're doing it again." she whispered. Jemma stopped mid sentence.

"Right, sorry, just nervous. Basically I was wondering if you had a consultation open any time soon?" She asked, exhaling heavily. Jemma waved at Daisy to pass her phone, Daisy opened it to the calendar, marking the date for 04/07/2020. 

"Alright, thank you, see you then." Jemma said, smiling down the phone.

"Was it bad?" she asked anxiously. Daisy shook her head.

"Not at all. So, tomorrow then?" She asked, looking down.

"Yeah. She said it could take a whole between consultation and actual appointment, so I figured sooner rather than later. It shouldn't take too long, just talking about designs and price and whatnot." Jemma told her, recounting what the woman on the phone had said. 

"K, neat. So you're still good with the designs and that jazz?" She checked. Jemma tutted.

"For approximately the 700th time ever, yes Daisy, I want to do this and I'm 100% 'good with the designs and that jazz'" Jemma repeated, initiating Daisy's accent far better than Daisy could do hers. Daisy cringed.

"God, is that how I sound?" she asked, slightly disgusted. Jemma frowned.

"Depends on the language. That's how you sound in French." she giggled. Daisy pouted.

"So mean to me." 

“You’re fine.” Jemma said bluntly, putting her phone on their bedside table and grabbing her laptop off the floor. 

“All work and no play-” Daisy started,

“-means that I can take as many classes as I please as long as I maintain my grades.” Jemma replied, rolling her eyes. Daisy pouted again.

“Time for play later, do some work of your own.” Jemma poked, nodding towards Daisy’s laptop. She sighed heavily, making a show of dragging her feet on the floor as she headed over to get it, flopping back down next to Jemma. 

* * *

  
  


“Hi, kids, what’re you here for?” The artist asked as she emerged from the back room. They were in a tattoo parlour a week since their consultation, Jemma’s hands wringing anxiously together.

“Uh, we’re your 4 o’clock.” Daisy said anxiously, smiling a little. The woman raised her eyebrows.

“You’re 18?” She checked. Daisy nodded, pulling out her passport, nudging Jemma to do the same. The woman looked them over, nodding.

“Super. You guys wanna go together or one at a time?” 

“Together.” Daisy said immediately, because how else would they want it?

They signed some more papers, disclaimers and the such, and followed her through to the back room where there was a seat set up for one of them.

"Okay, I'm Laura. I know Jaz did your consultations but unfortunately they're sick, so you're stuck with me. Who's first?" she asked brightly, gesturing to the seat.

"I'll go first." Daisy decided, stepping forward.

"Super. I'll draw out a template for you and then we'll get down to business, yeah?" Daisy nodded shortly, half stumbling her way to the chair, sitting on the edge anxiously. 

"You can pull up a seat next to her, I'll be back in a bit." she said with a brief smile to them. Jemma nodded as she left, fiddling with her necklace. 

"Still good?" 

"Definitely." she said decisively, nodding firmly.

"Great." Daisy grinned. Laura returned, having put the papers and everything in the back office.

"Alrighty, you good for me to just get started? I've got photos from the sketches Jaz did last, just Ophiuchus on your ribs?" Daisy nodded, feeling  slightly giddy. 

"Okay. You want me to stop you just say. It shouldn't take too long, but there isn't much skin over your ribs so you could feel the buzzing from the needle in your bones, as well as the pain itself. You're welcome to keep your shirt on if you wish, but it'll be easier for me if it's off." Laura said quickly. Daisy say up, taking it off so she was wearing a sports bra, pulling her hair up in a bun. 

"I'll be fine." she promised, taking a breath as she shaved and cleaned the patch of skin, the alcohol cold against her side. She had to stop herself flinching at the first go with the needle, reaching for Jemma's hand. 

"Still alright?" Laura asked cautiously. She could never be too careful with kids.

"Fine." Daisy said tightly, squeezing Jemma's hand as she worked, planting stars across her skin, immortalising them. She got used to the pain after a few minutes, and once Laura could feel her relax she started to ask more questions.

"Am I allowed to ask what this means, or is it just a constellation?" She asked as she worked.

"Definitely not just a constellation. How much do you know about astronomy?" Daisy started, Jemma smiling as she went.

"Enlighten me." Laura said curtly.

"K, so, this is the constellation of Ophiuchus. We, Jemma and I, first met in England way back in 2009 when we were obsessed with stars, but especially this specific constellation. You can only see it a couple nights a year down there, so it's kinda a special occasion, and when we met again it became tradition." Laura smirked. Ah, to be young and in love.

"Cute. So you're both getting this one?" She checked. 

"Yeah, please." Jemma said quietly.

"Great. This'll be done in a couple minutes, then you're up." She said brightly. She'd done the stars, she just needed to connect them. She worked steadily, glad that Daisy was managing to stay still. She hated getting rib tattoos, the buzzing in her bones drove her mad.

"Okay, that's you done. You'll need to take the bandage off in twenty four hours, wash it regularly and reapply the Vaseline, but we can go through that after."

"Thanks." Daisy breather, sitting up and extracting her hand from Jemma's. 

"Tu es bien?" (You're good?)

"Bien." Jemma nodded, replacing Daisy on the chair. 

"I'll be back in a bit, need clean stuff." Lauren mumbled as she left them alone.

"Does it hurt?" Jemma asked anxiously. Daisy shook her head.

"You can kinda tune it out after a while, you'll see. If it does you can always stop though." She comforted.

"I want to do this." Jemma said determinedly. She wanted a piece of Daisy with her all the time, a little piece of them. 

"Okay." Daisy smiled, taking her hands and kissing them softly. Laura came back in, new needle, razor and gloves on. 

"Okay, same as before, you want me to stop you just say. It shouldn't take too long, but there isn't much skin over your ribs so you could feel the buzzing from the needle in your bones, as well as the pain itself. You're welcome to keep your shirt on if you wish, but it'll be easier for me if it's off." She recited. Jemma nodded, unbuttoning her shirt and taking it off so she was left in a bralette, feeling exposed in the quiet room. 

"How intense is the buzzing?" she asked Daisy, but she just shrugged.

"I felt it a little, but I just kinda tuned it out I s'pose." She told her. Jemma sighed, rolling onto her side with an arm above her head facing Daisy so Laura could get to work.

"You're okay?" she checked after a few minutes. 

"I'm fine. It's really not that bad." Jemma said smoothly. 

"Good girl." Laura praised, making Jemma blush a little, Daisy smirking from her chair. It had been tricky not to wriggle at first, but she was comfortably spaced out now, off in her own little world as Laura worked. She was thinking of Ophiuchus, about how despite all the madness, that had stayed a constant. It was comforting, made her feel like she was home. Now she'd carry her home with her, etched into her skin, a place where Daisy would live in her, a reminder of them, their safety, their lives. Laura wrapped it up in a bandage over Vaseline, giving them the mandatory aftercare lecture before letting them go, not an hour after they came in. 

"Glad you did it?" Daisy asked as they wandered out, linking their arms.

"Always." Jemma nodded, kissing her cheek. Her side stung a little, but it was worth it. Now she’d always carry her home with her, now she’d have to look no further than her right ribcage to be reminded of what matters, of the fact that she belonged, she had her family, and she loved them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	24. The Third Syllable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not even sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for car accidents, death, grieving

“Bye, mom.” Lincoln yelled, waving out of the window as they left. Him and Bella had driven down to Ohio for a week before school started again to see his family. Bella grinned, lifting a hand off the wheel to wave to her before pulling out of his driveway, turning the radio up as she left.

“God, I can't believe I’m saying this, but I might actually miss the suburbs.” Bella sighed as they drove through his neighbourhood, pulling out onto the motorway. She’d gotten her driver’s license in their first year at The Academy with Ed, which Jemma said seemed counter productive as they were both incredibly unlikely to ever be the allocated driver. Daisy  _ could _ drive, so could Ava, they taught all the Ops kids. They could also ride motorbikes and Daisy was learning to fly, but technically neither of them were licensed. 

“How long’s the drive gonna be?” They were planning on staying in motels on the way, the drive taking them three whole days. 

“We’ll stop for lunch at 12, and then we’ll find somewhere to stay at like 8, set off again at 9 tomorrow morning.” Bella told him, already having planned it out. They were gonna go for 3 lots of 10 hours, that gave them two fourteen hour breaks in between.

“Neat.” He yawned, crossing his legs in the passenger seat. If it was someone like Daisy or Ed wanting to travel they’d probably get to requisition a Quinjet, but they were lowly students, no Quake or Skylark (the most impressive nickname he had was Sparky), and Hydra didn’t even know he was inhuman. So, they were stuck driving for days. 

“You can sleep if you want, I’ll stick an audiobook on your something.” She said lightly. He shook his head.

“I’m good.” He smiled, taking her hand. She took it, squeezing it gently as she drove, eyes still fixed on the road. 

“We’ll switch at lunch?” He asked, letting her get back to driving.

“Yeah, sounds good.” She nodded, already dreading heading back to school. She’d loved their week of domesticity, away from Ed’s throwing knives and Daisy’s quakes. Seriously, she loved them, but it was good to get away sometimes, away from all the S.H.I.E.L.D. madness. They drove in silence for a while, Bella zoning out a little whilst she let herself kind of switch to airplane mode. Lincoln turned on a podcast and listened to that, texting his group chat every so often and taking stupid pictures of himself to send them. He let out little chuckles every now and then, only breaking the silence once to ask Bella what the distracted boyfriend meme template was called.

After a while she turned the music up, grinning as he lip synced rather elaborately, putting a broadway worthy performance on for her in the passenger seat, and of course singing both sides to any duets that came on. She joined in eventually, after letting her hands drum out rhythms on the steering wheel for a while, starting out mumbling but eventually fully screaming the lyrics with him. 

Maybe this is what she’d been waiting for. Maybe all those little fantasies she’d had of growing up, of having her own life, of being happy in it. Maybe this is what that was, screaming to early 2000s pop with her boyfriend on a road trip, utterly and perfectly happy, not worried about anything but when to indicate.

Maybe, if she’d been paying more attention, she might’ve noticed the black SUVs tailing them. Maybe if he’d been more aware he would’ve noticed the drones in the air. 

Alas, they were utterly emerged in each other, their giggles and their off key singing, their soppy romantic songs that they sang at each other mock-seriously.

She didn’t notice until all the other cars left at the next turning, until it was just their little KIA and 5 SUVs, utterly surrounded. She turned the radio off, stopping him mid verse.

“Hey!” He protested, pouting a little. 

“Something’s wrong.” She mumbled, shushing him. He stopped, looking at the otherwise empty road around them, focusing on the electronic charges he could feel. 

“Call Ed, or Daisy or someone.” She told him, nodding at his phone. 

“Wouldn’t it make more sense to call Hill?” 

“You won’t get a direct line, Daisy can, just call her.” Bella said impatiently, nodding at the phone as subtly as she could.

“Hey, sparky.” Daisy said flatly as she picked up.

“Bella says to get Hill, something’s wrong.” He said brightly, trying not to look suspicious.

“What happened?” She asked, getting up and heading to her aunt’s office.

“5 SUVs, road cleared otherwise, we’re on the 75 out of Ohio.” He said.

“Okay, I’ll tell her, tell Bells I love her.” Daisy said lightly, hanging up as she headed towards Hill’s temporary office. She was here for a few weeks to review the curriculums and for some lectures.

“She’s getting her, and told me to tell you she loves you.” He relayed. Bella looked grim.

“I love you, you know that?” She checked, turning from where she was fixed on the road.

“I love y-” 

BANG

A car hit their reer, jolting them forwards, and 

BANG

Another hit their side, faster this time, rocking the car precariously

BANG

One more from the other side and it felt like they were flying, like they were falling, like the air was being knocked from their lungs, and

BANG

They were flipping over from the back, the KIA flying through the air, Bella screaming as she reached for him, Lincoln trying not to cry out from fear.

The car landed heavily, Bella’s hands bracing her head against the roof.

“Lincoln? Lincoln, are you okay?” She asked, her voice shaking, utterly terrified.

“Lincoln!” She yelled, trying to move her hands to reach him, but they were pinned. 

“Take the boy, the girl is unimportant.” A voice said as someone sawed open the door. Bella whimpered as they dragged Lincoln away, watching as they took his body, his head lolling to the side. She screamed and cursed them, screamed herself hoarse, but none of them bothered with her.

After all, the girl was unimportant.

She didn’t stop screaming as she heard them leave, soon turning to cracked sobs as the empty space next to her seemed to fill her up. He was gone. And she didn’t know where he was, if he was even alive, or who’d taken him. She muttered his name, replayed his last words to her over and over in his head.

_ “I love y-”  _

He hadn’t even gotten to finish. That didn’t seem right. How could she hear just the first two syllables, where was the third, why did it leave such a chasm in her, why was it ripping her apart?

He’d be back. He had to be back. She’d see him tomorrow and he’d hug her tightly and thread his fingers through her hair. They’d sing together and they’d dance together, they’d grow old together. In 60 years they’d tell their grandkids about this and they’d laugh. Because he’d be back, because without him she didn’t know what to do.

They were so right, everything seemed so perfect, it couldn’t just stop. No, she’d see him later, they’d be home in time for tea.

* * *

“Bee?” A voice yelled. Bella jerked awake, trying to get up before remembering all over again, before it hit her.

“Bella?” Another called. She didn’t say anything, didn’t dare move. 

“Bee.” A low voice sighed next to her. She didn’t know how long she’d been there, or how long he’d been gone, but she dare not turn around. 

After all, the girl was unimportant.

“Hey, Bella, it’s Ed. They’re gonna saw the door off, okay?” She said quietly. Her voice sounded funny, stuffy, like she’d been crying. 

Bella closed her eyes tight against the loud sawing, the close proximity to her face. She didn’t breathe, didn’t move, didn’t dare. They could steal her away, they could keep him from her. That’s all she had to do, all she needed was him back, then she could think. They pulled the door off, Ed and Ali swimming into view as she cracked an eye open. Ali sighed.

“Oh, thank fuck.” She half sobbed, trying not to move forward to hug her.

“Lincoln.” Bella whispered. They both looked away.

“Lincoln.” She said again, louder this time. She wanted Lincoln, not them.

“Bella…” She tried to shake her head but she just gasped in pain.

“Lincoln.” She repeated, trying to make her voice steadier.

“Let’s get you out first, then we can talk about Lincoln.” Ed said, trying not to sound broken. She took Ali’s hand, leading her away, brushing away her own tears before they could fall. Daisy, Jemma and Ava had stayed back at The Academy, Hill saying they could take Ali as she was a relative, and just clearing Ed for the mission, since she was technically an active asset.

“What do we say?” Ali asked, hands shaking.

“We tell her the truth.” Ed said simply. They hadn’t found the body, but they knew it was Hydra, so there’d be one soon. 

“I don’t want her to leave.” Ali said quietly, Ed trying desperately not to cry at how scared she sounded. Bella was going to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. after Hydra, there was nothing stopping her from leaving now.

“Let’s just make sure she’s safe first, yeah?” She said calmly, determined to hold it together for them.

The crew pulled her out eventually, Bella essentially collapsing onto Ali as soon as she stumbled out, the world spinning around her. It was still light, although the sun was setting. 

“I’m so sorry.” was all Ali could muster. Bella didn’t cry. She’d cried herself out, for those hours trapped in there. 

“Where’s Lincoln?” Was all Bella could reply. She felt a gentle hand on her back.

“Look, I promise we can tell you, just not here, not in the open. It’s only 2 hours by Quinjet, and they’ll do your med-eval on the way. We can talk about him when we get home, yeah?” Ed said gently. Bella shook her head.

“Where. Is. He.” She said fiercely, pushing Ali off her. 

“Please, Bella.” Ed tried.

“Tell me!” Bella yelled, attracting the attention of the agents.

“Hydra got him. He’s dead, Bells.” Ali said, eyes fixed on the ground. Bella shook her head.

“No. No, he’s not dead, I’m seeing him later, so where is he?” She brushed Ali off. 

“She’s telling the truth.” Ed tried, but Bella covered her hands with her ears.

“Stop lying!” She yelled, her voice already croaky from the crying.

“I’m sorry, Bella.” Ed said, tears welling in her eyes.

“No. _No_ , he can’t be dead, because we had plans, him and me, and I love him, so where the hell is he, Edie?” She shouted, finger pointing at Ed accusingly.

“I’m sorry.” Ed said again, watching Bella carefully.

“No, stop it.” She pleaded, her voice dangerously low as she approached Ed, “Stop lying, both of you, stop it, stop it, stop it!” She screamed, every part of her wanting to run, to hide, to cry until he came to find her, eyes bright, mouth set in a smile.

“Do you want us to sedate her?” An agent murmured to Ed over comms. None of them were overjoyed about an 18 year old student being the supervisor, but Hill had been pretty insistent that they answer to Ed and only Ed, curious to see what she could do when given command. 

“Unsure, standby.” Ed said back, not sure where this was going. If she got violent it was S.H.I.E.L.D. protocol to subdue the threat, they’d have no choice. It was a last resort, though. 

“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do.” Ali said. That got Bella’s attention, “You’re gonna come back to Ontario with us, and we’re gonna talk about what happened. You can hear about Lincoln from Hill herself, but only if you come back with us, okay?” Ali coaxed.

“When do I get to see him?” Bella asked expectantly.

“I- I don’t know.” Ali admitted, technically not lying. 

“If I come with you, I’ll get to?” She asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Then no. I want Lincoln, why won’t you give him back to me?” Bella shouted, raising her voice again, squaring herself up to seem more intimidating. Ed raised a hand and an agent loaded his ICER.

“I’m sorry.” Was all Ali could think of.

“Stop saying you’re sorry!” Bella shouted, shoving her back roughly. Ed nodded, looking away as they shot her, her body collapsing.

“What the hell, Ed?” Ali turned to look at her.

“Can’t ignore protocol. Besides, she’s been through a lot, it’ll be better if she can be back home to deal with this.” Ed nodded as two agents picked her up, carrying her to the Quinjet. Ali left without another word, following them all onto the Quinjet.

* * *

“Bells?” Ali gasped as she came to, lifting her hand to her head and groaning. 

“Just had the worst dream.” She said, taking her hands up to her head and rubbing her temple. Ali didn’t want to tell her. Where was the harm, where was the harm in her delusions, she could let her believe, couldn’t she, let her believe he’d come back to her?

“I know.” Ali murmured. Bella frowned.

“How?”

“Wasn’t a dream.” She told her quietly. 

“Sure, shove off.” Bella joked. Ali shook her head solemnly.

“Lincoln?” Bella asked quietly, her voice breaking. Ali nodded.

“He’s gone.” She confirmed. Bella gasped, taking her hand up to her mouth. 

“H- He can’t be.” Bella shook her head, making to get out of bed. Ali stopped her.

“You’ve got bed rest for two days. His family have been notified.” Ali told her numbly.

“He can’t be.” Bella said, more determined this time.

“He’s gone.” Ali told her through a broken voice.

“No.” Bella could feel tears spring to her eyes, “No, he can’t be. It’s not fair.” That’s when the tears fell, because it wasn’t fair. Nothing was fair. She’d met him and they’d been amazing, and she loved him, and he was taken mid sentence, that third syllable would be hanging over her head, a constant reminder that he was taken from her, and that she’d been forced to watch.

“No, it’s not.” Ali agreed, hugging her tightly. Bella rested her head on Ali’s shoulder, staring blankly at the wall as tears fell.

He was  _ gone. _ She’d never see him again, or hear his laugh, or sing with him. She’d never watch anything with him again, or order pizza together, or just talk. They’d never kiss again. 

He was gone, and she’d never be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...oops


	25. The Emptiness You Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ouch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for funerals, death, grieving, alcohol, mentioned suicide attempt

The funeral was five days after. They all went, Ed, Daisy and Ava knew him from Ops. Ali knew him from third wheeling about 60% of their date nights, as well refusing to leave Bella alone anyway. Jemma went with Daisy. Bella had been involved in planning it, his mum calling her the day after he died to offer a place to stay, a family if she ever needed one.

She hadn’t slept since the accident. Well, she supposed she really should stop calling it  _ the accident _ in her head; there was nothing accidental about it. S.H.I.E.L.D. had recovered his body the day before, supposedly. Apparently he’d been torn apart, drained of anything they could find, spinal fluid, blood. They wouldn’t let her see him, sending her away with nothing but empty condolences and murmurs of ‘poor girl’. 

Ali had stopped saying that she was sorry. Bella had shouted at her, tears pouring fast down her face as she yelled, trying to make her understand that she couldn’t be sorry, that she couldn’t be sorry for her loss, that she couldn’t understand the pain, the emptiness, the gaping hole that he left. She couldn’t understand how it felt, knowing that she’d never wake up beside him again, that she’d never spend another moment with him. How could she be  _ sorry _ ? Sure, they all knew Lincoln, sure they teased them when he tried to sneak out some mornings, sure they’d all played Mario Kart together. He was becoming a part of their family, but for Bella he already was. 

She sat in the front pew next to his brother. He was younger than them, only 15. He sat, staring directly ahead of them, determined to maintain the distance between him and Bella. Who was she to sit next to them, to share their grief? She hadn’t grown up with him, she’d barely known him two years. His brother was dead, and here was a stranger, sitting silently next to him, as though she could ever understand the loss of a sibling. 

The service began, Bella zoning out as they ran through his brother, his mum, his uncle, the vicar, all of them singing his praises, talking about him as a boy, how smart he’d been, how wonderful, how funny, witty, kind. He was kind. He was good, a good person, a good friend. He was good to Bella, and she loved him, and none of it was  _ fair.  _ How could people just die like this? How could they be there one minute, singing in the car, and just another body in the morgue the next?

It just didn’t seem real, or right. The last 120 hours felt like an awful fever dream, everything blurring into one, a part of her still screaming his name, crying for him to come back, a part of her still convinced she’d see him later for dinner. His mom asked her quietly if she wanted to say a few words about him for the S.H.I.E.L.D. kids who were there, the boys from his dorm, a couple Ops kids and C-Niner. She refused quietly, so Davis did it instead, talking about how he hadn’t gotten to know him for very long, and he’d regret that. That made Bella cry, knowing that she’d never speak to him again, never get to know him again, that he’d never see her again. They wouldn’t graduate together, they wouldn’t become agents together. He wouldn’t be by her side every step of the way, and that was unthinkable.

They buried him, Ed standing with a protective arm around her, her family in a small semi-circle around her, faces somber as the grave filled with dirt. She loved them, but she hated them so much. She hated them for staying with her, for being kind even though they couldn’t understand. She hated Daisy and Jemma for having each other, she hated Ed’s arm around her, hated Ali’s shy glances, her pity. Most of all, she hated them for saving her. She hated them for dragging her out of the car, for not leaving her to die, not letting her join him.

She watched miserably as the grave slowly filled, letting tears fall down her cheeks, sniffling a little. Ed tightened her grip around her, pulling her into her side. Bella buried her head in her shoulder gratefully, not wanting to look as he disappeared forever, as he was buried 6 feet under, as she was forced to admit to herself that he wouldn’t be waiting for her in the lobby, or on her bed, or outside the building. He was dead. He wasn’t coming back.

The day after was torture. Everything reminded her of him, from a jumper he left in her room to the distant look of sadness she saw behind everyone’s eyes, how they all stopped talking whenever she entered. It was pure agony, staying there. It was like there was a gaping hole in her chest that he’d left, and she had to try to refill it by herself, utterly lost without him. She wanted him to hold her, for him to tell her she’d be okay, that it wasn’t her fault, that she’d recover. 

But he wouldn’t. Never again would he calm the voices in her head, leaving her alone with them, alone with Eithne yelling at her about the space he left, about how she should’ve saved him, about how she deserved to die, not him.

Ed looked after her. Ali tried, but Bella didn’t want her. She pushed her away, not wanting to show her weakness, not wanting to let her in on the suffering, the pain. She didn’t want Ali to ever have to know this, this awful, gut-wrenching, soul crushing grief, the idea of someone being ripped away so soon. So, she let Ed bring her soup, and take her hand, and guide her out to see the others. She sat quietly, unable to listen to them and their soft chatter, to their slightly tipsy laughter.  Ali hadn’t been sober since Lincoln died, since Bella woke up from the ICER. DJ were holed up in their room, so Ava sat in Ed’s lap, both of them resolving to forget their differences, Ava needing her, just for that night. It was just those four, sitting on sofas, Bella’s gaze fixed far away, Ali trying to laugh, Ed and Ava just taking advantage of a night of comfort in each other. 

Ed took her hand again, guiding her back to bed, kissing her forehead as she left, tucking her in and leaving a glass of water on the bedside table. She returned to Ali and Ava, Ali hitting on her in lazy slurs, Ava trying not to laugh at her.

“Alrighty, Lishka, bed.” Ed sighed, rolling her eyes as she offered Ali a hand.

“Well, I’m- I’m not one to refuse a pretty lady’s hand.” She slurred, breaking off into giggles as she obviously found herself utterly hilarious.

“Right.” Ed deadpanned, taking her upper arm as they left, Ali flirting with her.

“You’re okay?” Ed asked anxiously as Ali collapsed onto her bed in a fit of giggles. Ali shrugged.

“I don’t need B-Bella anyway, or her stupid blond.” She said, brushing Ed off. 

“That wasn’t the question.” Ed said quietly. 

“Well, there’s my answer.” She said, poking Ed’s chest three times to accentuate her words.

“Ali, do you want me to stay?” She asked seriously. Ali shrugged again.

“Just a stupid funeral.” She shrugged again. Ed sighed.

“You’re worried about Bella?” She guessed. Ali shoved her.

“Hey!” Ed said indignantly.

“I’m not. I just don’t want her to leave, is all.” She shrugged, standing up on wobbly feet.

“Woahhh, let’s sit down.” Ed said, coaxing her back onto the bed.

“I don’t think she’ll leave, or if she does she’ll come back.” Ed said quietly. 

“Don’t care.” Ali said simply, shaking her head. Ed tutted.

“Okay, babe. I’ll leave, but I’m across the corridor if you need me?” She promised. Ali nodded, slurring some unintelligible garbage as she left, flopping back onto her bed, dazed in the sweet giddiness, the escape that the alcohol gave.

“Hey.” Ava said quietly as Ed came back in, closing the door behind her.

“Hi.” Ed replied awkwardly, sitting on the other end of the couch.

“Can- Can I stay with you? Just tonight. I just don’t want to be alone.” Ava asked hoarsely, meeting Ed’s eyes.

“Yeah, of course. Just, no strings attached, right?” Ed checked. She wasn’t ready for strings, especially with Ava. She was still trying to sort herself out, still trying to figure out if there was something wrong with her, if she was just unworthy, or if her and Ava just weren’t right.

“No strings attached.” Ava agreed. She regretted breaking it off with Ed, she’d missed her, but she knew it was best. She knew that it couldn’t work if Ed wasn’t 100% sure of herself, of her own worth, of her own ability to love. 

They headed to bed together, Ava settling herself in Ed’s arms, just a little piece of what used to be normality in an otherwise awful day. She’d known Lincoln, they’d helped each other with their powers. They’d had beers after school, they’d played on the Wii together. It was hard to grasp, that someone could just disappear like that, that he was alive one minute, breathing and happy, and gone the next, 6 feet under.

Ed was the first to wake the next morning, quietly slipping out from Ava’s grip on her shirt, finding a scribbled note from Bella.

_ Gone, sorry, don’t look for me.  _

Ed sighed, pocketing the note. She wasn’t surprised. Bella had wanted to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. after Hydra anyway, unable to trust anyone around her. Ed knew she’d be back, knew she’d be okay, knew that she could always find her if she needed to. She read it once more, putting the emergency contact in her phone, leaving to training with Natasha, her heart heavy from the day before, head clouded as she tried to see through the murky grief that lingered.

* * *

“Yeah?” The voice called over the intercom.

“Uh, Hill called, I’m with S.H.I.E.L.D., here for the study on the job internship.” Bella said quietly over the speaker.

“Super, Jarvis will let you up.” She sighed, stepping back to look at Stark towers, mournful as the sun rose over Manhattan. Hill had arranged this after Bella had been found on the ledge of the training building, ready to join him, unable to bear the piercing silence that her thoughts flooded. She’d called Stark, explaining the situation, Tony not mad about taking in a protege, especially one with a PhD and S.H.I.E.L.D. education. She’d only be there for 6 months, and it was technically S.H.I.E.L.D. authorised, so she could still graduate, but Hill knew it wasn’t fair to keep her at the Academy, not when the boy’s death had hit them all so hard.

The door swung open and Bella stepped through, planting a smile on her face for show, not entirely faking it as she took a tiny bit of relief in the space around her, knowing she wouldn’t have people look at her like a wounded puppy. Not for a while, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	26. Putting The Pieces Back Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhhh so tony's here now ig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for alcohol and mentioned suicide attempt
> 
> really went to town with the italics in this one lol

“Hello, Dr O’Connor, Mr Stark is waiting for you in the lab.” Jarvis told her.

“Thanks.” Bella muttered, dragging her duffel behind her as she got in the elevator, hands nervously tugging on her jumper sleeves.

_ You don’t deserve this _

**_You_ ** _ were supposed to die _

_ Not him _

_ Never him _

“Fuck off.” She mumbled.

“Is everything okay, Dr O’Connor?” Bella jumped out of her skin.

“Yeah, dandy. What do I call you?” she asked, not quite sure where to look when talking to it.

“My name is Jarvis, but Mr Stark calls me Jay.” Bella frowned.

“I’ll stick with Jarvis.” She nodded. Jemma was Jay, not some disembodied AI. Fitz had made H.E.N.R.Y. for his first PhD, and Bella liked him, but she wasn’t in the habit of calling him nicknames. Although, H.E.N.R.Y. wasn’t disembodied, he was technically a holographic monkey. 

“Marvellous. What would you like me to call you?” She paused. It seemed wrong to introduce herself as Bella, not when she felt so far away.

“Maddie. You can call me Maddie.” She decided, heart racing as she realised that this was the beginning of something new, something unfamiliar. Madeleine was her middle name, she’d always loved it.

“Okay, Maddie, Mr Stark is waiting.” Maddie nodded, sighing as she stepped out of the elevator, everything feeling wrong. She’d left behind her family, her boyfriend was dead. Her support system, gone. But no, she couldn’t be there, couldn’t move on with them. They could never understand, could never appreciate the emptiness he left, the part of her that had been torn away. 

She made her way down the hallway, loss hitting her as she heard AC/DC coming from the lab. In second year that had been all Ali and Ed had listened to, taking full advantage of the sound system Daisy and Fitz had set up. She knocked on the door, waiting for a minute before just walking in, finding a billionaire in his pajamas running around his lab talking to his robots.

“Uh, hi.” She said. He stopped in his tracks, looking at her.

“Jay, cut the music.” He asked, Jarvis promptly stopping. He walked over to her, sizing her up.

“Doctor Isabella O’Connor?” He guessed.

“That’d be me. Call me Maddie, ‘s my middle name.” He nodded. Hill had called him asking him to take a kid in for a ‘study on the job’ internship. He suspected she was actually here to get away from S.H.I.E.L.D., Hill had said the same thing about Parker when they’d first met.

“Here for the internship?”    
  


“Aye.”

“Super, your floor is 3 levels up, I’ll need you down in the lab from say, 10-6, the rest of your time is yours, however there are game nights on Fridays, I’d avoid the lobby on Saturdays unless you wanna meet about 400 party goers, and Sundays are strictly dedicated to hangover recovery, pizzas and ice creams, which you’re more than welcome to join me for.” Maddie raised an eyebrow.

“Any questions?” 

“How much actual work are we gonna be doing?” She asked, slightly hopeful that she might be able to stay in her room, drunk and grieving most of the time.

“You’re helping me design the new Inhuman medtech and recovery program, we’ll be working on bots together. I prefer to work at night, so Jay will be looking over your stuff. I’m supposed to write Hill a report about your work and your uh, mental state every month.” He said, gesturing vaguely to her head. She frowned.

“So you’re a babysitter?”

“Yup, pretty much. Only, a cool, rich babysitter who just so happens to be a superhero.” He winked.

“Super.” she nodded, slouching off to find her floor. Not only had Hill sent her away from her family, she’d also lumped her with a rich asshole. She knew she couldn’t stay with them, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to go.

She found her room with Jarvis’ help, collapsing on her bed as soon as she arrived, taking her bra and jeans off and crawling into bed, pulling her pillow close to her chest, longing for Lincoln, the realisation hitting her all over again. He’d never just hold her again, never smile or laugh or brush his teeth or have a shower ever again. And it was all her fault, and she just couldn’t live with it.

_ She’d _ been the one driving,  _ she  _ hadn’t noticed sooner. His death was on  _ her,  _ and it  _ wasn’t fair. _

She held her stomach as the pain started again, as everything crashed over her, all over again, as she wished more than anything that she could be with him, that she could join him amongst the stars, that for  _ once _ , they could just be  _ happy. _

There was this hole in her chest that she didn’t think could ever be full again, a gaping chasm that he left. He’d brought her back together after Hydra, he’d been there for her, and he’d been consistent, and  _ good,  _ and he was  _ nice _ and he  _ didn’t deserve to die _ . And now she was damaged, now she was crying in a billionaire’s tower, staining his pillow with mascara because she couldn’t be at home because everything reminded her of him, but she was just so  _ lonely. _

Every ounce of her longed for  _ someone. _ For anyone, just for an ounce of familiarity, but no. She couldn’t. She needed this space, this time, to fix herself, to put her pieces back together. She didn’t know who she was without him, she needed to change that, and she needed to do it alone, away from all the pitying looks and the soft touches.

She didn’t sleep that night, she hadn’t since Lincoln’s death. It had only been a week, the crash still fresh in her memory, still in her mind. She could still smell his hair, still feel his hands holding hers. She understood Jemma a little more now, understood how she spoke about her dad like he was watching her. It felt like he was still with her, like he had never really gone anywhere, like he was watching, just unable to touch.

She got up when she saw the sun rising behind the curtain, bored of her headache and tears, bored of her life, how trapped she was with herself. Ed would tell her to go train with her. Daisy would make her a coffee and sit with her, they’d talk about anything non S.H.I.E.L.D. related until someone else came through. Jemma would smile and make breakfast. Bella would help, whisking eggs or frying bacon. Ava would call her sestra and wink at her, dragging her out on a run.

And Ali. Ali would’ve stayed up with her, Ali would’ve been there the whole night, through the tears and the headache and her brain screaming at her. She’d have put Friends on and they’d sit on the sofa, letting themselves be taken over by the horror that was American television in the late 90s. Ali would’ve made her laugh and  _ God,  _ did she miss her. 

She splashed water over her face, jumping in the shower so she could wash herself, as well as the rather dramatic mascara smudges that had formed around her eyes. She slouched down to breakfast, where, surprise surprise, no one was there. 

“Hey, Jarvis, what’s the time?” She asked.

“It’s 6.30, Maddie.” She cringed slightly at the name, nodding anyway. That would be why. 

“Thanks.” She found the coffee, pouring a mug out for herself, adding some whiskey she found in a cupboard for good measure. She was Irish, after all. What better way to drown her sorrows in the wee early hours?

“I’ll have one too, kid, although hold the whiskey.” Tony announced from behind her. She turned around to face him.

“Americans.” She tutted, pouring him one all the same, hopping onto a stool next to him.

“I know this probably isn’t what you bargained for, leaving the Academy.” He tried, but she shook her head.

“Now is not the time for a heart to heart, tin man. Now is the time for alcoholic coffee and looking at the sunrise.” She said, not looking him in the eye.

“Aye aye, cap’n.” He smirked, slouching as he drank his coffee, keeping half an eye on her the whole time. 

Hill had told what had happened with her boyfriend, how she’d been driving, she’d been in the crash too, she’d been on the ledge of their training fac, ready to jump. He’d like to say it was hard to believe, that the kid sitting next to him had been through all that, but you didn’t have to look further than her eyes, the grief, the exhaustion, the guilt behind them, to understand.

“Hill told me what happened. I’m not gonna push, but you need anything you just ask Jay, I’m usually down in the lab if you need me, if not then I’ll be on floor 36.” He said, brushing her shoulder slightly as he left, heading back downstairs. Anger surged through her, the urge to throw something, yell at him, kick a fucking hole in the wall. But she didn’t. She sat there, watching as he left, terrified as her own mind ran away from her, as everything spiralled around her. 

“Are you alright, Maddie?” Jarvis asked. If it was possible for AI to sound gentle, that’s how she’d describe his voice. 

“Take me back to my room.” She said, standing up as she took the whiskey with her. 

“Absolutely. Mr Stark will want you downstairs in 3 hours.” Jarvis told her, but she ignored him, stepping into the elevator. She was  _ sick _ of this, sick of the pity, of the way everyone looked at her, like she was broken. Because she was. She was broken, and she had no idea how to put the pieces back together, and she was  _ stuck,  _ stuck in a stranger’s house with a stranger’s mind. 

She collapsed on her floor, had Jarvis blast The Smiths (The Queen Is Dead, that was always Ali’s favourite, Bella couldn’t stand the stuff), and downed the bottle. Of course, she fully passed out after this, being 19 and 5’6”, not waking up until Tony came in, pouring a bowl of ice cold water over her head.

“Fuck off, Ed.” She screamed, going to bat her off.

“I don’t know who Ed is, but I like him.” Tony quipped. Of course it wasn’t Ed. Ed was in Ontario with Ali and DJ and Ava. She’d left Ed behind. 

“Her. And you can fuck off too.” she grumbled, flipping him off.

“Charming. C’mon, doc, places to be.” he announced, passing her a hand towel.

“You’re not gonna yell at me?” She narrowed her eyes almost exasperated. She wanted someone to get angry, to treat her like she was before, but then she realised. He didn’t know who she was before. He’d only ever know this broken shell of a person, this hollowed out phantom she’d become. He shrugged.

“If someone yelled at me every time I got hammered and passed out on the floor I’d have a very tired Pepper chasing me around most mornings.” He shrugged, helping her up. 

“I need you down in 30 minutes.” He told her, gesturing to the bathroom. She groaned, the familiar nausea starting all over again. She rushed to the bathroom, emptying her stomach in the toilet, begging herself to cry. She didn’t, she just knelt back on the bathroom floor, her mouth bitter, hair soaking, chest utterly empty og the comfort or warmth that family gave her.

* * *

  
  


“Any particular reason for the day drinking, or just your own little housewarming party?” He asked as she entered the lab.

“You pity me.” She said simply.

“I do.” He agreed.

“It made me angry.” She shrugged, turning on his holotable, looking at him expectantly. He went to log on, looking up at her as he did so.

“Right. Sorry, I’ll stop with the pity eyes.” He told her, gesturing to his face. She stopped.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” He frowned.

“I’ve lost people. I know how it goes, and I know that yelling at you is just gonna make you feel worse. This?” He gestured to her stomach, the pain that he knew was gnawing away at her, “Not your fault. However, this.” He tapped her head before handing her a pair of sunglasses, “That’s definitely on you.” She slid them onto her face, accepting the aspirin and water he handed her.

“How do you suggest I manage then?” She asked quietly, not knowing how she was supposed to get through anything sober, her stomach already turning over. Sobriety sounded awful, the clearheadedness it would bring, how it would force her back into her head.

“Well, considering that that was probably the first time you’ve slept in a week, I’d recommend taking a kip before dinner. Tomorrow I’d stay upstairs, maybe call one of your friends or something, there’ll be people in the lobby. Sunday we can chill in the lounge together, Pepper will order pizza, so we can drown our sorrows in cheesy crusts.” He told her. 

“Super duper.” She rolled her eyes, selecting the nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. file to her, smiling a little to herself. Maybe this wouldn’t be awful.

* * *

  
  


Ed was getting increasingly uncomfortable. She’d already been hit on by two different guys on her way to the elevator alone, and her feet hurt from the heels. She’d left her hair down, letting it hang in loose waves over her shoulder, feeling incredibly exposed in a tiny black halter dress, only carrying one knife. 

She tapped her hand against her leg anxiously as she punched 31 into the elevator, already annoyed at Stark.

She stepped out of the elevator, kicking her shoes off as soon as she got there, following the sound of music until she got to what she assumed was Bella’s room. That, or she was way off in her assumptions.

“Bella?” She called as she entered, pulling uncomfortably at her dress.

“Eds?” She asked, shocked as she took her in.

“What the hell are you wearing?” She spluttered, pulling a face as she took her in.

“I had to sneak in through Stark’s party, then made my way round to the private estate. What the hell are you doing here?” She hissed, walking into the room as Bella closed the door behind her.

“Hill sent me.”

“Why?” Bella paused. 

“Why?” Ed asked again, softer this time.

“Some janitor found me on the roof on Thursday night.” She told her, not meeting her eyes. Ed’s heart broke. 

“You didn’t though?”

“I was going to. I just wanted to see him again.” She told her, her voice breaking, tears spilling again.

“God, Bells.” Ed muttered, pulling Bella into a hug. Bella pushed her off, averting her gaze once again.

“That’s why I had to go.” She admitted quietly.

“You couldn’t share our pain.” Ed nodded. 

“I know it doesn’t compare, but when Bobbi got shot I withdrew because no one could understand. I can’t appreciate your pain, Bee, but I’ll always be here.” Bella nodded, sniffling.

“Don’t tell the others I’m here.” She asked her, dragging her eyes up to meet Ed’s, trying not to cringe at their disappointment.

“I won’t, but please call Ali.” Bella shrugged.

“I don’t want to hurt her.” She said awkwardly.

“She’s already hurting.” Ed pointed out. They’d only seen Ali once since Bella had left.

“I’ll try.” Ed smiled. 

“Stay safe, Bee.” Ed pleaded, offering her hand. Bella took it, smiling slightly.

“I’ll see you in March.” She said hoarsely, wrapping an arm around Ed’s neck. Ed nodded, wrapping an arm around her back as she closed her eyes, wishing that she could whisk them both back home, back to where she could protect her.

“We miss you.”

“I miss you too.” Bella sniffled, savouring these moments with her, ignoring her heart breaking all over again because she couldn’t have this, not for now.


	27. Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh, pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for alcohol abuse, puke, and autistic melt downs

She woke up next to someone. She wasn’t quite sure who, or why, but the warmth next to her confirmed that she wasn’t alone. She groaned, rolling over to see if they had a face, seeing it was a guy, and one in Ops judging by the biceps on him. She slid out of bed, tugging on her clothes in silence and slipping out of the room, hurrying down his corridor, holding down puke that she could feel building in her stomach. The world was swimming around her, tears building in her eyes as she hurried out of the building, leaning into a bin to puke as soon as she got to the bottom of the stairs. Great.

Bella had been gone for a total of 5 days and she was already a wreck. Lincoln had died 10 days ago, she’d been back to her room three times, and hadn’t been sober since. She couldn’t go back, not now, not when her absence hung so heavily over them. It was like someone had torn a part of her away, her sister. She was almost grieving for both of them, not just Lincoln, and it was too much, it was all too much. 

She emptied her stomach into the bin, sniffling blindly as she felt hot tears brim, a headache taking over. She flinched against the daylight, the heels of her hands digging into her eyes. She patted herself down, searching for her phone. She pulled it out, the screen cracked, although she couldn’t quite remember when it had happened. It was Tuesday, apparently, 7am. Classes had been cancelled the first week back to honour Lincoln, unfortunately they were coming into the second week. She groaned again, leaning back over the bin to hurl again, everything about the world assaulting her senses. 

She  _ needed _ Bella. She couldn’t just be gone, it wasn’t fair. Ali needed Bella, Bella needed Ali, it’s just how things were. They’d arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D. together, they’d grown up together, they’d been through all of their parents’ shittiness together, she couldn’t just  _ leave _ . 

But she had. She’d gone, she’d left them all, she’d left Ali, with no contact number, no way to find her,  _ nothing _ , and without her, that’s all she felt like. They were Ali and Bella, the twins, the O’Connors, they’d always been such, and so who was she without her? And it was Bella who’d chosen to leave, Bella who’d betrayed them all, who ran, because she couldn’t grieve with them, because she couldn’t let Ali take comfort in her presence, couldn’t let herself take comfort in her family. They were left to mourn alone, whilst she was off doing God knows what, God knows where, with God knows who. 

She found her way back to C-Niner, ready to collapse in her own bed, ready to find Bella and watch Friends with popcorn and chocolate. Jemma was the only one in the kitchen when she arrived, Ali supposed they were the only exclusively sci-tech kids left, so everyone else was out training. 

“Ali, are you okay? Where’ve you been?” Jemma asked as she heard the door open and Ali made her way through to the kitchen, the lack of light pleasing her. They’d always intended to get softer lights for the kitchen and living room for Jemma, but no one had gotten round to it, so they just stayed off all the time. 

“Gonna go with a no and a not entirely sure.” Jemma led her to the sofa, getting her a glass of water, an aspirin and starting the kettle for a coffee.

“What do you mean, not entirely sure?” Ali sighed.

“Well God Jay, it’s been a hot second and I haven’t been sober for any of it, time has a habit of blurring itself.” She shot at her, thanking her sheepishly for the water.

“Where did you wake up?” Jemma tried.

“Next to some Ops guy across the way.” She smirked. Jemma didn’t. Ali didn’t know what it had been like for her for the last week. She relied on routine for stability, for normality, and her world had just been thrown off course. With Lincoln’s death, Bella’s disappearance and the cancellation of classes, nothing felt quite right. Daisy had been trying, of course, but Fitz understood better. He’d been around more, huddling up in her and Daisy’s room with her and hiding in her bed. They’d gotten through the entirety of Torchwood in a week, as well as s1-3 of Doctor Who. It was easier, distracting themselves with something they loved, rather than facing the horrors that awaited them.

“Why am I not surprised. You used protection?” Jemma checked, getting up as the kettle finished boiling, ignoring Ali’s request to ‘make that Irish, would ya babe?’.

“I believe so.” She scrunched her face, trying to remember. 

“Super.” Jemma said dryly, handing her the coffee. Ali took a tentative sip, giving it a second before scrunching her face.

“What?” Jemma asked.

“There’s no alcohol in this.” She mumbled, getting up to find some. Jemma shook her head, following her.

“Ali, please, you can’t keep this up.” Jemma said grimly, stepping in front of her. Ali pushed past her, heading for their cupboard.

“Alice, listen to me.” Jemma said again, more firmly, laying a hand on her shoulder,  “You’re putting yourself in danger. I know that we lost people and I know that it hurt but-” 

“ _ You  _ know that it hurts? No, Jemma. You didn’t know them. She’s my  _ blood _ , he was my brother. You can’t know this hurt, you can’t feel the hole that they left, you can’t share this pain, and honestly, I’m beginning to understand why she left.” Ali said harshly, her breath stinking of alcohol as she poked Jemma’s chest before taking her whiskey and leaving again.

Jemma stayed in the kitchen, frozen in place, hand on the back of her neck, staring at the open cupboard. She leaned her head against her own arm, letting a tear fall down her cheek as she slowly slid to the floor, her head resting on the bottom of the kitchen island, her hands firmly over her eyes. Everything was falling apart, and she was powerless to stop it. 

* * *

Daisy returned to find an open ‘liquor cabinet’ (well, a cabinet where they kept their alcohol), Jemma muttering her mantra as she rocked on the floor with her hands over her ears, and a very concerned Luna next to her.

“Shit.” She mumbled, gesturing for Ed and Ava to be quiet as they entered behind her. 

“Hey, hon.” Daisy said calmly as she entered the kitchen, cringing slightly as Luna meowed at her, running up for cuddles. Daisy picked her up, handing her to Ava to deal with. Luna jumped down, heading back over to Jemma, who was still rocking gently, tiny sobs could be heard. 

“Jem, am I good to sit down?” Daisy asked carefully, crouching before her. Jemma lifted her eyes to meet Daisy’s, her eyes bloodshot and scared, guilt cutting through them. She didn’t say anything, so Daisy asked again.

“Jems, can I sit down?” She tried again, talking slowly so Jemma could lipread. She nodded tightly, taking her hands off her ears and holding her legs with them. 

“Do you want some water?” Daisy offered, holding out her water bottle. Jemma took it, her hands shaking as she did so. Daisy unscrewed the cap, scratching Luna’s head as Jemma drank, every ounce of her utterly terrified. Every time this happened it was frightening, but since Lincoln’s death Jemma had been the most okay of them all. Daisy figured this was a breaking point. 

“Am I good to keep talking to you?” Daisy checked. She knew Jemma had probably gone non-verbal, but she didn’t necessarily want Daisy there. Jemma nodded tightly again, reaching for Luna who walked towards her happily, just glad for some attention.

“Okay, uh, you wanna hear about the time on one of my parents’ missions when my dad left my mom stuck up a tree and she made friends with a squirrel?” Daisy asked, smiling slightly at the memory. Her mom had been sending her photos the entire time, Daisy had delighted in naming the Squirrel ‘Lexi’ and making an entire backstory for her. By the time Daisy was finished with her tale, Jemma was falling slowly back to the ground, smiling a little as she played with Luna. 

“You better?” Daisy checked, grinning a little as Luna hopped up to butt Jemma’s hand. She just nodded again, talking seeming too big. 

“You know what happened?” Daisy asked, quieter this time. Jemma made a face, nodding again.

“Okay.” Daisy replied. She’d tell her if she wanted to, she wasn’t going to push.

“You wanna watch Doctor Who?” She offered. The answer to that question would always be yes. Daisy got up, offering her a hand. Jemma didn’t take it, instead scooped Luna up and carried her to the sofa with them, collapsing with a huff, crossing her legs and letting Luna curl up in her lap. Daisy passed her a blanket and a chewie and sat next to them, Ed and Ava coming through shortly after. They sat in silence, Daisy and Jemma watching Doctor Who, Ed and Ava just anxiously waiting for an explanation out of Jemma, who was sitting perfectly upright and still other than her chewing and occasionally petting Luna. 

“It was Ali.” She admitted quietly in the gap between episodes. Everyone’s head shot up to look at her. 

“Ali?” Daisy asked, confused.

“She uh, she-” Jemma sighed, grasping at words.

“It’s okay, Jemma, you can take your time.” Ed said smoothly, but Jemma shook her head.

“I need- I need to, uh.” She groaned in frustration, taking her hands up to her forehead.

“You need to get it out?” Daisy offered. Jemma nodded. 

“Yeah, uh,” She gestured to Daisy’s phone. She handed it to her, watching as Jemma typed in her Notes app, Daisy's chest achinng for her as fresh tears slipped down her cheeks. She wanted to hold her, to hug her, but she knew she couldn't push. It hurt, though, hurt like hell watching her go through this. She gave it back, looking down as Daisy read it.

“Li came home whilst you were out, told me that she’d been with ‘some Ops guy’. I got her water and coffee, she wasn’t a fan of the lack of alcohol so went to get some. I tried to stop her but she told me that I couldn’t understand her pain because I wasn’t as close to them as she is, and that she was starting to understand why Bells left.” Daisy looked to Jemma, who’d started crying again. 

“Ed, could you?” Ed nodded, grabbing a coat and leaving. She needed to find Ali. Daisy and Ava stayed with Jemma, Ava making them tea whilst Jemma cried it out in Daisy’s arms, burying her face in her shirt. 

Ed got out her phone, checking Find My Friends, only to find out that Ali had turned it off. Great. She checked all her usual haunts; the boiler room, the roof, the alley between the gym and training building, only to find her in the woods, drinking under a tree. Ed sat next to her, taking the bottle straight out of her hands.

“Well now, that wasn’t very- very nice of you, was it dear?” Ali slurred, waving a hand in her vague direction.

“If I was here for niceties I'd have brought Jemma. Unfortunately for you, however, she’s non-verbal and crying on our sofa.” Ed said dryly. Ali hiccoughed. 

“Sorry?” Ali offered, but Ed just laughed.

“Not the one you need to apologise to. What the hell, Ali?” Ed asked, putting the whiskey down next to her.

“I miss Bella.” she whined. 

“We all miss Bella. However, most of us have managed not to make Jemma cry.” Ed shot back. Ali laughed grimly, before going eerily silent. She reached across Ed for her bottle, whining when she wouldn’t give it back.

“You, my friend, are sobering up.” Ed announced, standing up and offering her a hand.

“Don’t make me go back. Please.” Ali begged quietly, not meeting Ed’s eyes. 

“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, Lils. Time to face the consequences.” Ali shook her head.

“You know I can make you.” Ed sighed, taking on a slightly more threatening tone.

“I know you won’t.” Ali said bitterly, not moving. 

“Please, Ali. We lost them, I  _ can’t _ lose you too.” Ali shrugged.

“Already gone, off with the wind, my love, now please, the whiskey.” She said, reaching for the bottle. Ed shook her head. 

“No. I’ll sit here all night, but please, Lishka, come back.” Ed pleaded, sitting back down.

“Can’t you get it through your thick skull? There’s nothing there for me anymore. I’ll just upset Jay again, or you, or Dee, or Ace. Let me go.” Ali recited numbly. Ed shook her head.

“We need you.”

“And I need her. Life isn’t fair.” She said coldly. 

“I just want to look after you.” Ed said sadly.

“Well, guess what Morse. Maybe  _ I _ don’t need  _ you _ .” Ali spat, the buzzing in her head cheering her on. 

“I think the past 10 days are evidence that that isn’t quite the case.” Ed said quietly, trying not to let Ali hurt her.

“The past 10 days are evidence that without her this is what I am. Drunk, mean and sick. So, really, I wouldn’t bother with me.” Ed smiled sadly.

“I’ll always bother with you. Whether you want me to or not.” She promised, mostly to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry.


	28. The Space Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas angst

No one had mentioned Christmas day plans. Jemma and Daisy had half assedly decorated the place, a little Christmas tree in the corner, tinsel on the TV, but it just felt empty without Bella. Ed was the only one who knew where she was after disappearing for days to track her down, refusing to say where she was anyway. Ali was always out, God knew where, but Daisy would hear her come in in the middle of the night, hear her stumble to her room and cry, wishing she could comfort her, but having no clue what to say. Ed and Ava were unofficially back together, Ed more than happy to just hold her most nights, occasionally allowing herself to open up a little, allowing Ava to see little pieces again. Maybe they rushed it last time, maybe it was easier now, but either way it felt better. Maybe not quite right yet, but better. 

No one went home for the holidays that year either. They needed each other, their parents couldn’t share their grief, they couldn’t understand how they coped. Daisy and Jemma were barely ever apart, Ava couldn’t sleep in her own bed, terrified that Hydra would snatch her, that they’d take her back to Russia where she’d be nothing more than a number again. Ali hated staying in, hated the emptiness in the dorm, the silence that had fallen over them, so she stayed out. Ed stayed to look after them, compartmentalising everything, they came first. 

Jemma woke up before Daisy, rolling over and groaning as she realised what day it was. She wasn’t ready for Christmas, not with the broken family that they’d become, a sister torn away by grief, another by loss, another by fear, and another by responsibility. She still had Daisy, but she didn’t know how they’d get through today, not with everything feeling so  _ heavy _ .

She wrapped an arm around Daisy’s waist, snuggling up to her so she could go back to sleep, shushing her as she started mumbling. Daisy nodded, settling back to sleep, wrapping an arm around Jemma as she sighed, not wanting to face the day ahead. 

  
Ed stayed in bed with Ava that morning, giving in to her tired mumbles, the fear in her eyes. Ali came in at 7, collapsing into her bed. 

Eventually, they all ended up in the common area, everyone wrapped in blankets, most of them entangled in some way or another, everyone silent as people laughed on the TV, met with nothing but blank stares and grieved hearts. Jemma made breakfast, bacon and eggs, longing for her mum to do the same, to make a traditional english breakfast for Christmas, for them to sit at their table and talk, wearing paper hats from Christmas crackers, everything feeling light, easy. She stood over the frying pan, Luna slinking between her legs, confused at why everyone was so quiet. She wanted to play, and no one was giving her anything. Ed half assedly called out her name, beckoning her over to their pile of limbs and empty chests, and so she wandered over, sitting in Ava’s lap.

Jemma called out when breakfast was ready, although Ali didn’t get any. Jemma told her she’d put it in the oven for her to keep it warm, and was met with silence. Ali had lost a part of herself, like the thing that was keeping her going, providing her with that warmth, that light, was gone. Without Bella she was nothing again, the thing that had dragged her out of her mind was gone, and so she reverted back into it, her only distractions from the emptiness being nights out, made up of sex, drugs and tears when she got home. But hey, the one who’d yell at her about it was gone, so what the hell?

Ed was trying, so hard. She was trying to keep Ali safe, trying to reach her, trying to let her protect her. She was trying to calm Ava down, holding her nightmares that were only getting more frequent, desperately trying to convince her that Ivan was dead, that she was safe. She was trying to get Daisy to train with Natasha again, trying to convince Jemma that it was okay that she didn’t feel as shitty as everyone else, and meanwhile she was barely holding herself together.

She couldn’t take care of them, she felt like a failure. She couldn’t hold them together, couldn’t protect all of them, and it was  _ so hard.  _ She felt a breath away from breaking, like at every inconvenience she could just break down crying, that she was alone on an island, the sea raging around her, and it was all she could manage not to succumb to its waves, their harshness, their breaking cold. It was all she could do to keep standing, keep fighting for them. 

So, she was gentle with them all, making sure they ate, making sure Ali came home every night, making sure everything was okay. Ava sat in her lap as they ate, everything still, excruciatingly so. 

Daisy offered to wash the dishes, wanting to move. She took all four of them, Ali just shrugging when Daisy checked if she wanted food. She stood over the sink in silence, already bored as the water filled the sink. She felt wrong, sitting with them as they all grieved, as she could practically feel Ali’s anger. She hated it, not being able to relate to any of them, knowing that they were all closer to Lincoln than she ever was, knowing that they were all closer to Bella than she ever was. Of course she missed her, but she didn’t feel the hole inside her that Ali had described, that Ed seemed to be trying to fill for all of them. She washed the dishes, longing for chatter to start behind her, for anyone to say anything, but no one did. 

She thought it would get easier with time, as they got used to Bella not being around, as Ava learned comfort again, but it didn’t. No one seemed to be moving forward, everyone stuck in September. She sighed to herself, stacking plates on the drying rack and collapsing back down next to Jemma, smiling slightly as she moved to lay on Daisy’s chest, an arm draped over her waist.

Jemma felt bad about missing Bella more than Lincoln.

She knew it was illogical, that Bella was like a sister to her and so of course her absence would ache more, and that she’d barely known Lincoln, but even thinking that felt like she was speaking ill of the dead. She wanted to be able to grieve with them, to be able to understand but she just  _ couldn’t _ . She hurt for them, but she couldn’t hurt with them, and it was killing her. 

Daisy comforted her, holding her through the nights of crying, over her panic attacks about whether she was normal, or human, or what even was she if she didn’t feel as deeply about their loss. Daisy rubbed her back and held her hands and promised her that just because she wasn’t grieving for Lincoln like the rest of them, didn’t mean she wasn’t grieving for anyone else, or that she was any less human. 

Ava had spent every minute since hearing about Lincoln terrified that the same would happen to her, that Ivan would find her and that she’d once again be one of his girls, once again be locked up with nowhere to run, her family stripped from her, her identity stolen, replaced with programming, with a mindless desire to serve his every whim, to lie for him, to kill for him. She started dreaming of Snow White again, of apples and snow, and freezing winter, hands cuffed against a sink pipe. She dreamed of Swan Lake, of Odette, and ballet, and blood stained studios. Ed would wake her up, pulling her close under the covers, murmuring affirmations in various languages, letting her know she was there, she had her. 

They sat on their couch, each of them longing for something, for anything, for Bella to burst in through the doors, for Fitz to announce a Doctor Who marathon, for Jemma and Ali to try and cook a turkey. But  nothing happened, no one came, and the silence lingered, all of them too tired to fight it.

* * *

  
  


Bella spent Christmas morning watching Home Alone in her pajamas with Tony Stark, both of them basking in their own issues. She thought about her family, about Lincoln, about the hole she felt without them. He thought about his mother, his father, how he’d lost them, how he’d never really found them. Neither of them had a family, not in that moment. So they sat on his couch, the tower eerily silent, feeling wrong for such a huge space, both of them sipping on coffee, expressions blank as they should be in fits of laughter, both of them spending Christmas far from here, far from the sad little pieces of tinsel, the Christmas tree in the corner. 

He spent his day with Jarvis and Ana, his parents, and Peggy and Angie. Jarvis helped Ana cook whilst Peggy and his dad got tipsy, Tony running around with a little spaceship his mother gave him. His mother laughed and tucked him into bed that night, after kissing his family goodnight. It was warm, that Christmas, full of laughter and charades and roast turkey. 

Of course, in reality he was sitting on his couch wrapped in a blanket next to an equally depressed student, off somewhere in her own world. 

Bella was sitting with her family in their old dorm at the Prep, before Hydra, before Bobbi, watching Nightmare Before Christmas as Jemma and Daisy giggled to each other, Ali and Ed flirted shamelessly. It wasn’t perfect, she couldn’t remember the troubles at the time, but there was always something. It wasn’t perfect, but it was home, and it was good, and she missed them  _ so  _ much. 

She couldn’t be there, though. Not when he was so present in their dorm, not when his silence remained, the void that he left sucking any ounce of familiarity out of the place. She’d have to go back in March, she knew that, but for now she could sit next to her filthy rich mentor, taking a bit of comfort in the fact that he’d have her back, that she wasn’t alone in this. 

When she’d first arrived she’d stuck to her floor most of the time when she wasn’t working. However, after she bumped into him in one of the labs at 3am they finally had something to bond over. Since then he’d given up trying to schedule her work, allowing her to help him at night, building new suits or new robots, or new medtech. It was nice, being alone together, wallowing in their own self pity together, somehow making it more bearable. Since then they’d become closer, of course. 

It was a strange pairing but it worked, Maria had known what she was doing when she sent Bella away.

It helped her, to be with someone who wouldn’t pity her, who wouldn’t baby her. He called her Maddie (she’d introduced herself as such, it was her middle name) and treated her like a person, rather than like she was broken. It was better this way, so she could find herself outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. or Lincoln or Ali. 

It was good for him too, so used to being alone. Sure, they were hardly close, but at least there was someone there, as well as Pepper. His own little family, temporary as it may have been.

So, they took small comfort in each other, in someone being there to turn the heating up or bring them a drink, or just someone else breathing next to them, sharing each other’s pain rather than bearing it alone, the gaps between them speaking more than words ever could.


	29. I'll Show You My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long overdue conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No CWs, I don't think :)

“We need to talk.” Ed announced, striding into her room where Ava was huddled up in a blanket.

“You didn’t knock.” Ava pouted.

“It’s literally my room.” Ed pointed out. Ava sighed.

“What do we need to talk about?” She asked, shuffling over so Ed could sit next to her.

“Us.” She said simply.

“Okay. What about us?” 

“I need to know if I’m a way for you to handle your grief or if you have feelings for me.” Ed stated blankly. Ava narrowed her eyes.

“What do you think?” She asked softly. Ed rolled her eyes.

“I think you’re skirting the question because you’re afraid of my reaction.” She jabbed, poking Ava affectionately.

“Okay, you want honesty?”

“Well ideally.” She said sarcastically.

“I came back after Lincoln died because you were who I felt safest with. The issue with us was never me not loving you, it was you being afraid to love me back.” Ava admitted quietly, Ed’s heart jumping up into her throat.

“And so the answer is…” 

“Both! God, I thought it was obvious. Of course I came to you to handle my grief. I was scared, and you make me feel safe. I never stopped loving you, I just couldn’t handle you not feeling the same way.” Ed shook her head.

“It’s not that I didn’t feel the same way. It’s that I was scared of hurting you, or hurting me, or that I wasn’t enough for you.” Was this conversation long overdue? Definitely. Ed had been holding onto this for so long, holding onto the fact that she was so trapped in her own mess of a brain, that everything had been so compartmentalised for so long that she couldn’t let anyone see, that she couldn’t trust them with herself, with her hurt. 

“You were always enough for me, all I wanted was for you to believe it too.” 

“And so you gave me an ultimatum?” She asked coldly. Ava looked down.

“It was hard, watching you struggle. And I’m sorry, I know I should’ve told you or helped you or been more affirming, but I love you and I didn’t want to scare you.” Ed didn’t know what to say. She’d hurt her, she’d made her question everything about herself, her own humanity, her ability to love. She’d made her feel incomplete in her absence.

“But you let me. You let me struggle with the fact that I couldn’t let you in, you sat there and you didn’t say anything, with your patience and your dates and your love letters. You let me struggle and you pretended that everything was fine.” She spat bitterly, desperately trying not to cry.

“I didn’t want to lose you.” She said quietly. Ed sighed again, taking her hand up to her neck and rubbing it. It was a stim she’d shamelessly stolen from Jemma, one that she only brought out when it was too much, when everything felt like it might just collapse around her. Ava looked up guiltily, immediately feeling bad. 

“But you did. You pushed me away in the first place.” Ava shook her head.

“I didn’t push you away, you were the one who wouldn’t let me in.” 

“Because I’ve never been able to do that? Can’t you see, I’ve grown up around spies, all I’ve ever known is compartmentalisation, all I’ve ever done is bury my feelings where they can’t hurt anyone but me! And I really thought I’d be able to let you in, I really thought you’d be different, that you’d be able to fix me but-” Ava stopped her.

“You’re  _ not _ broken, Yesha” she said fiercely, interrupting Ed’s spiral. 

“I couldn’t be what you needed.” She said quietly, looking down.

“That was on me, not on you.” Ava finally admitted. “I expected a romance movie of a relationship, I expected no bumps or struggles or hardship or pain and so I thought that when I realised you didn’t want the same I pulled back. So, I’m sorry, Yesha.” She said gently, hoping that she was getting through to her. 

“I never wanted to cause you pain. I just didn’t know how to let you in without making myself feel vulnerable.” Ava tutted, offering Ed her hand. She took it, slightly hesitantly.

“There’s nothing wrong with vulnerability. After Lincoln died, I needed you, I needed to be vulnerable, to be taken care of. But you, you never do that, don’t get that need to be looked after.” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to be. It’s that I don’t know how to be, or I’m scared of it, I don’t know.” Ed tried to explain, tried to sort out her thoughts that all seemed to be spilling out of her head at once, seemed to be creeping out of their boxes, their carefully organised, perfectly arranged order. She closed her eyes for a second, taking a breath. 

“This, this is vulnerability.” Ava said softly, brushing a strand of hair behind Ed’s ear, cupping her cheek. Ed sighed, leaving into her hand.

“So this is what you wanted? Heart to hearts, scattered thoughts?” Ava shook her head.

“I wanted you. I wanted everything, the parts of yourself that you hide, that no one else gets to see. You weren’t ready to give it, and so I’m sorry.” She smiled, taking her hand away from her face, linking their fingers instead.

“I still don’t think I am.” Ed said quietly, not meeting her eyes. 

“You don’t need to be.” Ed frowned.

“So what does that mean?” Ava shrugged.

“I don’t know.” She replied, heart racing. 

“I don’t want to be your girlfriend,” Ed decided, holding up a hand to stop her, “Not for now, anyway. I don’t want to rebuild our relationship on the basis of Lincoln’s death.” Ava nodded. 

“But, you want to rebuild it?” She asked hopefully. 

“Properly, this time.” Ed nodded.

“So, how do we start?” 

“Dinner at Mario’s tomorrow at 7?” Ed grinned.

“Absolutely.” Ava nodded, pausing slightly.

“This doesn’t mean I have to sleep in my own bed, does it?” She checked. Ed laughed.

“C’mon Vashka, I’m not  _ that _ mean.”

* * *

  
  


“Hi, Daisy May.” Daisy said, picking up the phone. 

“Daisy.” The voice breathed. Daisy stopped in her tracks, holding up a hand in apology to Jemma as she left their room, Jemma grumbling as she rolled over to go back to sleep. There should be a rule against picking up the phone at 2am.

“Bella?” She hissed, trying not to yell.

“Yeah, hi.” She said meekly.

“Are you okay? Eds wouldn’t tell us where you went, when are you coming back?” Bella sighed.

“Classified.” That was true, strictly speaking. She was there on ‘S.H.I.E.L.D. business’ under the authorisation of Hill. Ed had only found her because she’d followed her tracks. 

“Are you okay?” Daisy asked again, trying not to yell, trying to contain her anger. She’d left. Left them all, left Ali. They’d all lost Lincoln, they didn’t need to lose a sister as well.

“I- I think I need help.” Bella admitted.

“What can I do?” Daisy asked immediately, grabbing a hoodie and slipping on shoes. 

“I’m in New York, can you meet me at the harbour?” 

“Be there in a bit.” Daisy replied, hanging up. She was Quake, they weren’t gonna kick her out for stealing a Quinjet, right? 

She hacked her way into the hangar where they kept them, breaking into her mom’s account so she could plot a flight path.

“Right.” She said to herself, figuring that she could hardly google ‘how to fly a quinjet’. She’d taken a couple classes, so she knew how to take off and plot a course. It was the landing that was the issue. She tried calling Bella back but the number was invalid, she must’ve used a burner phone. She texted Jemma so she wouldn’t worry, as well as texting Ed that she was going to see Bella. She sat in the pilot seat, cloaking on so S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn’t track her. She fidgeted uncomfortably, too nervous to get out of the cockpit and pace, settling with bouncing her knee. After an hour or so her mom called.

“You wanna tell me why S.H.I.E.L.D. thinks I’ve plotted a flight path from Ontario to Manhattan?” she said exasperatedly down the phone. Daisy tried not to laugh.

“Bella called, I think something’s wrong. Cover for me?” She pleaded. May sighed.

“You’re not back at school in 12 hours, I'm marching your ass back in there and you can explain to Hill where her QJ went for a day. Be safe, xiǎohuā, call me and I’ll talk you through landing.”

“Thanks mom.” Daisy rang, hanging up the phone and crossing her legs in her seat. Only 4 more hours, she thought, wishing she’d brought her laptop so she could at least get on with some coursework. She watched the clouds swim by, texting Nat at 6 to say that she was halfway down the continent and unfortunately would not be coming to training this morning. 

Her mom called at 7 to help her land in a field, she cloaked the Quinjet and hopped on the subway to New York harbour. Bella was waiting there for her, two coffees in hand, sitting on the wall with her legs dangling down over the harbour. 

“Morning.” She said as Daisy approached, lifting a coffee cup in greeting. Daisy took it, hopping up besides her.

“Wanna tell me what this is about?” Daisy asked, looking over the sea. Bella shrugged.

“Come on, Bells, I stole a Quinjet and flew for 5 hours across the continent for you, give me something.” Daisy nudged. Bella sighed.

“I’m not sure who I am without yous.” She said lightly. She’d left ST that night, promising Jarvis that she’d be back the next morning, that she was just out for a walk. She’d found a shirt of Ed’s in her things and it had sent her down a spiral all over again, pain overcoming her chest as the loss of everything she knew crashed over her again. Who was she without them? Without Lincoln, without Ali? Stark called her Maddie, and he laughed at her jokes, and Pepper made her coffee each morning, talking about normal things outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. or Hydra or all the craziness. But who was  _ Bella? _ Who was she outside of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Was she ever really herself, or was she defined by her family, by the voice in her head, by her grief? 

Jarvis had been the one to get Daisy's number in an attempt to stop her from leaving, but she’d gone all the same, wandering around Manhattan until sunrise, where she’d found herself with tears in her eyes, looking over the sea.

“Why did you leave then?” Daisy asked, frowning a little.

“Hill stationed me elsewhere.” Bella admitted. 

“But you didn’t have to go, right?” Bella shook her head.

“I didn’t have to go, but I couldn’t stay either. Not with him everywhere.” Daisy offered her hand and Bella took it, her heart breaking all over again as she remembered what she’d left behind.

“I know exactly who you are.” She assured her. 

“Who? Because it feels like I’ve really been anyone, like I’ve never been anything more than Ali’s twin, or Lincoln’s girlfriend, and now that I’m without both of them I’m this whole other person who none of you have even met.” She gushed, biting back tears. Daisy squeezed her hand, putting her coffee on the wall next to her so she could talk properly.

“You’re Isabella Madeleine O’Connor. You’re funny, and you’re smart, and you hate tequila but love whiskey. You never close the cabinets behind you in the kitchen and you always leave your hairbrush in the bathroom after you shower. Luna sleeps in your bed with you because your room is the tidiest, you had a Hello Kitty phase when we met you, and your favourite member of one direction was Niall, even though you’d never admit it. You’re the most reliable person I know, and you’re a sister to me. I know you, Bells, we grew up together, you literally slept opposite me for five years. You’re a member of our family and we miss you like hell, but you’re so much more than just that. You’re your own person, and no matter who you want to be, we’ll always love you.” 

Daisy spilled, once she started not seeming to be able to stop. She hated seeing Bella like this, so lost, eyes so bloodshot. She’d started crying again as soon as Daisy had said family, as soon as her mind took her back to their dorm at the Prep, back to days at the lake, to castellas with May and Coulson. She longed for that security, that stability, that childlike innocence, free of grief or loss or fear. 

“Am I a bad person?” She asked desperately. 

“You’re anything but.” Daisy promised, pulling her into a hug as she rubbed her back, letting Bella take some assurance in her presence, reminding her that she’d never be alone, she’d always have a family with them. It was strange, a mish-mash of different people; of Daisy, Jemma, Ed, Ali, Ava, Fitz. It was small, and a bit sticky at times, but it was theirs, and it was beautiful.

“You’re not coming back to Canada.” Daisy said. It wasn’t a question.

“I’m not. I’ll be back in March, I promise, I just, I have some things I need to do.” Daisy nodded, sniffling a little.

“Stay safe. And call Ali.” Daisy said, hugging her one more time before letting her go, kissing her cheek roughly as she left.

And just like that, Bella was on her own again. She wasn’t alone, though. She never could be, not really. She looked over the harbour, sighing as she wiped a tear from her eyes, promising Lincoln that she’d be okay, promising Ali that she’d see her soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	30. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Bella talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for references to death, self harm, suicide, alcohol, grief,

She packed up her room at Tony’s tower in silence, not replying when Jarvis asked if he’d like someone to come up and help her. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to leave, but she knew she desperately missed her family. She’d found a new one in Tony and Pepper, and she hated to leave, but Ed’s pity and Ali’s anger didn’t sound so bad. It was comfortable, and she missed it. She folded her clothes up, packing them back into her duffel bag, her chest heavy. This had been her escape, this had been her liberation, where she’d found herself, where she’d grieved Lincoln, grieved the loss of herself. Pepper had looked after her, Tony had joked with her, even Nat had been around to tell her how everything was back at S.H.I.E.L.D.. She knew exactly who she was. 

She wasn’t over Lincoln. Not in any way shape or form. However, his absence felt less devastating. She’d talked to Tony about him one night, told him about why she was really there. He’d sat and he’d listened and he’d nodded and his eyes had been kind. It had been nice, to remember, to remember the good bits, the joy, the lightness that she felt with him. It was even better to truly believe for the first time since his death that maybe she could feel that way again someday.

She dragged herself downstairs, dreading saying goodbye to them. Pepper was already waiting in the lobby, smiling at her as she entered, holding out her arms. Maddie ran to her, letting her pull her in close, rubbing her back.

They’d gotten close before Maddie and Tony had. Pepper had been the one to find her absolutely drunk standing over her sink with bloody wrists, bleeding into the drain, a lazy smile painted across her face at the prospect of joining him. Pepper had been the one to sort her out, to wrap her wrists up, hold her hair back as she puked the whiskey up, settle her into bed. She’d been there when she’d woken up, comforted her as she sobbed about waking up, about just wanting to see him again. Pepper had been the one to gently pull her out of her room each morning, to make her tea and comfort her through stomach pains. Pepper had become a mother to her, and she’d miss her like hell.

“I’ll miss you.” Maddie breathed.

“I’ll miss you too Mads, but you’ll always have a place here, yeah?” She nodded, letting go and sniffling, giggling a little as she met Pepper’s eyes. 

“Chin up, kid.” Tony quipped as he entered, opening his arms to Maddie.

“Thank you.” She muttered, her voice breaking.

“Won’t be the same here without you, doc.” He smirked, pulling out of her embrace.

“Now don’t go getting into too much trouble,  shǎ lǎotóu.” She warned, smiling briefly at his mock horror.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He grinned. Pepper rolled her eyes.

“I’ll look after him.” She laughed at Tony’s annoyed side look.

“You’ll look after yourself?” Maddie nodded.

“My family, they’ll have me.” She promised. She’d told them both about them, about Ed and Daisy and Jemma and Ava. Not about Ali. She didn’t talk about her, which technically meant that Pepper and Tony didn’t even know she had a twin. It hurt her, knowing that she’d left them, so she didn’t mention it.

“Good. Don’t forget to call. And you know you’ll always have a place here?” Pepper said again.

“Yeah, I know.” Maddie smiled, hugging them both one more time before leaving, stepping out into Manhattan, making her way to the subway station.

* * *

  
  


Ali left as soon as she saw Bella’s face. As soon as she opened her bedroom door to a tentative knock and her twin stood before her, as soon as all of the pain, all the loss, all of anger came flooding back, she left. Bella went to grab her arm and stop her as she rushed past, but Ed held her back.

“Give her time.” She said quietly, not meeting Bella’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, prying Ed’s hand off her so she could go to her room, dumping her stuff on the floor. Ed followed her, leaning against the doorframe.

“She’ll come around.” Ed assured her.

“That didn’t look like someone who was pleased to see me.” Bella shot back.

“Can you blame her?” Ed asked softly. Bella turned around to look at her, surveying the slightly hurt look in her eyes.

“What do you mean?” She furrowed her brow, trying to ignore the screaming in her head at every little thing, every little place where he’d been, where they’d been together. 

“I mean she needs you, and she got used to there being a gap where you used to be.” Ed didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want Bella to know about Ali, about the hole she’d left, about how she hadn’t even said goodbye and it had been killing them all.

“But I’m here now.” She tried.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you left. I knew where you were, I knew you were okay, so did Dee. But Ali, she didn’t know where you were, she didn’t know why you left and she felt abandoned.” Bella ran a hand through her hair, sighing as she clenched her fist around it. 

“Is she okay?” She asked nervously, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer. Ed looked down, furrowing her brow.

“Morse, is she okay?!” Bella asked again.

“Not for a long time, no.” Ed admitted.

“Not cutting again?” 

“No, or not that I’ve seen anyway. Jay had me keep all my blades in my room after Dee relapsed last November anyway.” Ed said, trying not to roll her eyes.

“But the drinking?” 

“Yeah.” Ed nodded. Bella sighed, brushing past her as she left, ignoring Ed’s protests.

She found Ali on the roof, gin in hand, bottle not even open yet. 

“Ali-” She started, but she stopped her.

“6 months.” She snarled, turning to face her with bloodshot eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Bella tried. Ali stood up, closing her eyes against the giddiness.

“6 months. One lousy note, and that was it. Gone, no word for 6 BLOODY months.” She yelled, ignoring the tears that were trickling down Bella’s face.

“I couldn’t stay, not when he was everywhere.” Bella said numbly, looking at her hands.

“You couldn’t stay? I had to stay, I had to stay in that stupid bloody corridor with those stupid happy couples with no word from you. I had to stay with the gap that you left hanging over the place, because Morse wouldn’t let me go, because without you I’m  _ nothing. _ ” She spat. 

“That’s not true, Li.” Bella closed her eyes.

“You want the truth? What’s true is that we  _ all _ lost Lincoln, we could’ve shared that with you, but you left, and I lost a sister.” Ali said coldly. 

“And I lost a boyfriend. And all, any of you could see me as was  _ Bella _ , the  _ broken _ one, the  _ grieving _ one. I couldn’t stay, not when I lost myself and you all wanted me to be someone I couldn’t.” Ali shook her head.

“We never wanted you to be someone you couldn’t, all we wanted was our  _ sister _ back, and you left us. And Bells, I don’t know what to do without you!” Ali admitted, her skin on fire, her brain screaming.

“I  _ couldn’t stay. _ He was  _ everywhere _ , you can’t understand. Everything reminded me of him, of how it was my fault, of the crash. I couldn’t stay and get better at the same time, I couldn’t  _ live  _ with myself.” Ali froze, looking her straight in the eye.

“You think I don’t know how that feels? You think Dee, or Ava, or even bloody Eds don’t know how that feels? You think I could live with myself, knowing I couldn’t help you, knowing that I wasn’t enough?” Ali yelled, her voice breaking as she finished. 

“You left me. After everything we’ve been through, after our entire lives together, you left because you couldn’t share your pain with me.” She said softly.

“That’s not why I left.” Bella told her, looking up through teary eyes. 

“Why then?”

“I left because… I left because all I’ve ever been is your twin. And then I was Lincoln’s girlfriend. And then I was the third year with the dead boyfriend. I left because I didn’t know who I was, outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. or Lincoln, or you. And I didn’t want you to see me lose myself. I was bad, Lils, like, proper bad. I couldn’t show that part of myself to you, or to anyone. We all lost Lincoln, you didn’t need to see me lose myself as well.” She was crying properly by the end, grieving for who she used to be, for how wrong this all felt. She didn’t feel like Bella anymore, not their friend who they’d met 8 years ago. Everything felt strange and out of place, and God, did she miss Maddie, and Tony, and sleepless nights in the lab over the holotable. 

“You hurt me.” Ali said blankly.

“I know.”

“You left me alone for months.” She listed.

“I  _ know. _ ”

“I still love you.” She sighed, because of course she did. This was her  _ sister _ . SHe wasn’t expecting them to hug and make up, but she’d never hate her. Bella scoffed. 

“Of course you do. I still love you too.” She told her, offering a hand. Ali took it.

“I’m still annoyed at you.” Ali said grumpily as Bella hugged her.

“I still deserve it.” Bella replied. Ali hugged tighter.

“No, you don’t. You didn’t deserve any of this.” Ali mumbled, settling her chin on Bella’s shoulder, desperately trying not to cry, because she was  _ here.  _ She wasn’t alone anymore. Bella sniffled, chuckling a little as she wiped a tear away.

“Thank you.” She said, not letting go.

“Anytime.” Ali smiled, revelling in feeling held, in feeling home for the first time in 6 months.


	31. Here's To Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no warnings :). i gave them all some serotonin for a christmas present :)

“Jay, when’s Fitzy gonna be around?” Ali asked one morning at breakfast. Jemma frowned.

“He comes here every other Wednesday, but I think he’s coming on Saturday as well.” She told her. Ali nodded.

“Why do you ask?” Jemma asked, sitting next to her at the island.

“Well, it’s just been a while since we’ve all been together, so I figured we could have a movie night, like at the prep.” Jemma smiled. 

“That’s a lovely idea. Ed, Ace and Dee are back tomorrow, so we’ll do it thisS.” Jemma decided. The resident ops kids had all been out for the last week on some training exercise, Jemma had been receiving pouty selfies of Daisy out in the snow every few minutes for the last 7 days. 

“Super.” Ali nodded, returning to her frosties and her painfully alcohol-less coffee. They’d gotten rid of all of it when Bella had come back and yelled at them all about the sheer dependance upon it and the fact that they’d allowed it for the last 6 months. She’d refrained from telling them about her own, uh,  _ experiences,  _ with it in the past months, although she assumed Ali already knew, her having done the same and all. 

“We’ll do the whole thing, drag some mattresses through and push the sofas out. We’ll need popcorn, and I’ll see if Fitz still has the projector and speakers from the prep.” Jemma continued, pulling out her phone to text him. She was getting excited, it had been ages since they were all together, probably not since second year, and they were now half way through third. Of course, she knew it was no one’s fault, and she was just delighted to have Bella back, but still. She’d missed them all together.

As promised, the next Saturday at 4 they were all crowded into the girls’ common area, Fitz, Ava, Ali, Bella, Ed, Jemma and Daisy, all together. They’d already pushed the two sofas and armchair against the back wall, and were currently debating the logistics of how to get the mattresses out.

“We’ll take Dee’s old one and Ace’s, they’ve probably seen the least, uh, action, if ya know what I mean.” Ali winked. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“Yas, Alice, I think the whole continent knows what you mean.” She tutted. Ali smirked, heading to Daisy’s old room with Ed to flip her mattress off. Daisy and Ava took Bella’s, Bella and Fitzsimmons were tasked with the arduous goal of getting all the blankets, pillows and duvets they could find, having been (rather unfairly) allocated as those with the least upper body strength. 

“We need another mattress.” Ali decided as she looked at the heap in the middle of their floor. 

“We can use mine.” Bella offered. Ali nodded. No one wanted Jemma and Daisy’s, it was double sized; it’d be a pain to get through to the living room. About 5 minutes later, they were standing looking at 3 mattresses, 7 duvets, 6 blankets of various sizes, and too many pillows to count. It was 5 o’clock already, they hadn’t even started the film yet, let alone ordered the pizza.

“Okay, DJ, you can pull the mattress over there, Ali-” Daisy quaked the mattress to where Ed was pointing, grimacing slightly as it bounced and landed heavily on the floor. Luna darted away from where she’d been nestled in a pile of blankets, running through to Bella’s room. 

“Well, now she’s gone I guess you can do that for the rest of them too?” Ed asked. Daisy nodded, tipping the other one over slightly more carefully, directing it next to the one that was already against the far wall. She squished the other one next to it, and quaked them all so the couch was behind them like a headrest for good measure, before sighing, letting her arms rest at her sides, smiling lazily as she let the vibrations melt away again.

“You’re all bloody insane.” Fitz mumbled through a grin.

“Welcome back, Fitzy.” Ali grinned, high fiving Daisy after her and Jemma fistbumped.

“It’s not like I’ve made myself scarce, it’s just everyone seemed to be gone all the time.” He frowned. 

“Yas, well, we’re all back now.” Ali said, slightly thrown. 

“Excellent.” He said, moving back so Ed and Ava could spread the blankets out.

“What does everyone want to eat?” Jemma asked, pulling out her laptop so they could order. 

“Right, I’ll have a large meat feast with a stuffed crust, and a side of mozzarella sticks. Oh, and a pint of cookie dough.” Daisy said, pushing Jemma off the keyboard so she could put in her order. Jemma had a large veggie-supreme with no sweetcorn (she thought it was the work of the devil) as well as some cookies. Fitz had a large plain margarita, Ali and Ed shared an extra large with  _ everything _ on it, with a stuffed crust, Bella decided on a pepperoni, the same as Ava. They ordered a grand total of 5 pints of ice cream, 4 lots of cookies, some cheesy garlic bread, some wedges, some fries, spicy chicken nuggets and cheesy bites. That was on top of the 3 packets of popcorn and several sharing bags of chocolate they already had.

“K, they’ll be here in like an hour.” Daisy said proudly, closing the laptop, turning around to see that they’d arranged the blankets and pillows already, most of them sitting in a heap on one of them, Bella looking rather left out next to them. 

“Fitzy, give me a hand with the projector.” She asked, not responding to the groan that came from all of them at once as he extracted himself from the pile. 

“You have a TV now, what’s the point in the projector?” He complained at Daisy as she passed it to him to put on the ceiling.

“Well sure, but it’s not the same.” Ali said

“Shouldn’t Eds do this anyway, she’s the tallest.” He pointed out. Daisy sighed heavily.

“But you’re a big strong man, and we are weak women, utterly incapable of doing the hard work ourselves.” Daisy drawled, earning nothing but a dirty look from Fitz as he stood on the sofa.

“Weak my arse.” He scoffed, mostly to himself. He was probably the least capable one in the room; at least Jemma could do a push up. The same probably couldn’t be said for Ali, but he’d definitely get a jab to the ribs for even asking.

“Thank you, darling.” Daisy said happily, sitting next to Bella and wrapping herself around her. 

“Hey, Dee.” She said happily, wrapping an arm around her back as she snuggled closer into her. They’d only seen each other briefly when Bella had come back the week before, Daisy having to head off again almost immediately, only returning earlier that day.

“I missed you.” She said quietly, ignoring the soppy puppy noises coming from Ed and Ali.

“Missed you too, Deez.” Bella replied, resting her cheek on Daisy’s head. They’d all changed into their pajamas before Fitz had arrived, or in Ali’s and Jemma’s case, were still in their pajamas. Daisy curled herself further into Bella’s chest, Bella smiling as she muttered to herself. 

“Are you almost done Fitz? We miss you.” Jemma pouted from where she was sitting in Ali’s lap. 

“Give me a second!” He yelled, trying not to topple over. He bit his lip, taking the remote and waiting impatiently for it to turn on, projecting his laptop screen onto the wall where they’d gotten rid of the TV in favour of the picture. Luna came back through, yowling at them.

“Hey, malenkaya zvezda!” Ed called, clicking her fingers. Luna walked over to where her and Ava were propped up against some pillows, tiptoeing over all of them and meowing loudly.

“Awww, elle est ton bebe.” Jemma smiled as Luna sat decisively in Ed’s lap, leaving over to stroke her.

“Oui, et si quelqu'un lui fait du mal, je vais les tuer et tout le monde, n'est-ce pas malenkaya zvezda?” (Yas, and if anyone hurts her I’ll kill them and everyone else, won’t I, little star?) Ed said happily, picking Luna up and cuddling her.

“You’re all horrible.” Bella said affectionately, going to stroke Luna, Daisy stopping her and pulling her arm back to where it had been before.

“De mijne.” (mine.) She said firmly, pulling it back under her. 

“Sure, Dee.” Bella grinned. Fitz jumped down from where he’d been precariously standing on the sofa, tucking himself under a blanket next to Daisy and Bella, grinning as Daisy pulled him into their pile, wrapping his arm around her waist, letting him rest his head on her chest.

“When’s the pizza gonna be here?” Ali asked as they started watching Parks n Rec, obviously starting with a TV show, unable to start the film until they had their food. Jemma pulled her phone out to check.

“15 minutes.” 

“Class.” Ali nodded, settling back down to watch the show. Ed got bored quickly, wiggling away from under Ava to get everyone drinks.

“I’ll have a coke, babe.” Ali .

“Make that two.” Daisy asked.

“Three.” Bella corrected.

“Jemma?” Ed asked. 

“Uh, just a lemonade for me.” 

“And me, please.” Fitz finished. 

“Ice water for me, kpacotka.” Ava asked. 

Ed went to work, barely having time to pass out all their drinks before the door rang. 

“I’ll get it.” She said, going to get the door, taking the 6 pizzas and 20 sides in two trips, thanking them all very sincerely for their help.

“You love us anyway.” Ava teased, thanking her as she handed her a pizza.

“Ty na tonkom l'du.” (you’re on thin ice) she said sourly, collapsing back next to her. 

“Here’s to us.” Daisy said, holding up a slice of pizza.

“To us.” They all grinned, biting into their pizzas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! merry christmas to anyone who celebrates!


	32. Never Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ava angst :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was really heavily inspired by bexgempisces' fic, Little Legacies. Go read it!
> 
> CWs for blood, manipulation, self harm,

Ice, fire, ballet, running, blood, blood, blood, screams, handcuffs, resen, Swan Lake, screams, tears, bullets, electrodes, screams, screams, screams, screaming in Ava’s mind, screaming so, so loudly. 

_Run_

_You have to run, Lya_

_Go, Lya_

_Faster_

_Faster_

_Faster_

She collapsed against the punching bag, holding onto it like a lifeline, hair dripping in sweat, her scars burning, flashes of everything passing by her, a constant loop, unable to tell if the blood trickling down her knuckles was real or fake, new or old. She wanted to scream, feeling like her mind was running away from her, hearing everything at once, Swan Lake, Odette, her mother’s voice, Natasha calling her ‘sestra’, Madame scolding her, and Ivan. Ivan, over and over again, his sickening grin, the ease his control brought, how easy, how sickening simple it was to fall under his control.

The blood rolled down her hands, her knuckles raw, bloody, but she persisted. She counted like she’d been taught, but it was never enough, never good enough, never hard enough, never unfeeling enough, never sexy enough, never serious enough. She could never be enough. Never, all those years there, never enough. The shocks and the ‘treatments’ and snow white and ice skating and ballet, and she was never enough, not at anything. She bled and she worked and she cried and she screamed and it was _never enough,_ not for any of them. Not for her parents or Ivan or Madame, not for anyone. She hurt for them, she killed for them, and it was never enough. 

She was too weak, too old, too kind, too young, too innocent. She wasn’t steel, and so she wasn’t enough. 

But she’d _loved_ them. She was disgusting and awful and hideous because she’d loved them, loved her parents and Ivan and Madame because they were all she ever knew, all she could think of, what she’d lived to serve, what she’d strived to impress. 

She punched harder, the pain pleasing her, the pain pleasing them. 

_Good,_

_Harder,_

_Faster,_

_Better,_

Be _better._ Be the best, or you die, be the best, or your mother dies, be the best. Pain, that’s what you need. You need to _feel_ it, you need to let it overcome you, to flow with it, how it ebbs and flows, the ache in your fists, the pain in your head, how your skin is on fire. 

She punched harder, no longer crippling against the force of the bag against her fist, letting out angry cries with every hit, every punch, every memory.

It had been that song that had broken her. Jemma had been humming it at dinner that night, the ballet, the sequence her mother had drilled into her brain, the music filling the studio, Ava twirling as children died, pleasing Ivan with her movement as Madame was upstairs teaching little girls to kill.

Hearing it again was like grasping at straws, like her mind was screaming at her to hide but you couldn’t understand why, or what it was even saying. It wasn’t until the third bar that it hit her, that something clicked in her mind and she was _there_ , and there was blood on the walls and it stank and her pointe shoes were ruined and her mother was screaming and Ivan was beaming and Ava was spinning, spinning, spinning.

She’d ran, of course she had. She’d ran far and fast, her powers going haywire, taking out a block’s lights as she went, streetlights exploding behind her. She ended up in the gym, Madame would be proud, in complete darkness, sobbing as she destroyed a punching bag, her mind running too fast, seeming to be in 3 different times, none of which were her own. 

Ed didn’t try to follow her, not immediately. She’d seen Daisy like this, looked after Ali after she’d made the same mistake. No, she waited, following shortly after, finding her in the gym in pitch blackness, her blood staining a punching bag. She knew she couldn’t scare her, she knew if she did she’d get hurt and Ava would run. Sparks were flickering off the bagg with every throw, Ava crying as she went, mumbling something under her breath.

_Sto dvadstat’ tri, sto dvadtsat’ chetyre, sto dvadtsat’ pyat_

Counting, she was counting. Ed moved in front of her, so she could see her.

“Vashka!” She yelled, knowing it probably wouldn’t work. It didn’t. God, how she wanted her to wake up, how she wanted to protect her, to wrap her hands up and tuck her in, stroking a lock of red behind her ear. But she could’t. Not until Ava was back, not until ‘dvadtsat' vosem'’, or ‘Ava Antalya’ or ‘Alyy’ was gone. 

“Alya!” She tried, wondering if she’d respond to Russian.

“Lya!”

She sighed, already feeling bad about what she’d try next.

“ _Dvadtsat' vosem_ ’” She barked, her heart breaking at the terrified look in Ava’s eyes. 

“Yesha?” She whispered, meeting her eyes, her hands dripping in blood.

“Da, YA Yesha, kak tebya zovut, detka?” (Yeah, I’m Yesha, what’s your name, baby?) Ava’s hands shook, her mind flooding with names, words. 

“YA ne uveren.” (I’m not sure.) She whispered.

“Eo normal'no. ty chuvstvuyesh' sebya Avoy ili Aley?” (That’s okay, do you feel like Ava or Alya?) Ava shook her head.

“I to i drugiye? Mne zhal'.” (Both? I’m sorry.) She whispered, her voice breaking,

“Vse v poryadke, detka. Vy mozhete skazat' mne, gde my?” (That’s okay, can you tell me where we are?) She asked next, inching slowly closer to her.

“Sportzal.” (The gym) Ed nodded, smiling.

“Umnitsa, teper' ty mozhesh' skazat' mne, pochemu ty buzhala?” (Good girl, now can you tell me why you ran?) She pushed, trying not to scare her.

“Tchaikovsky.” She muttered, the tune going around and around in her head.

“Jemma.” Ed gasped. She’d been humming the tune at dinner. 

“Mne zhal'.” (I’m sorry) Ava said again. Ed started to protest, to stop her, but she kept going.

“Mne zhal', mne zhal', mne zhal’, mne zhal'.” She repeated, on the floor, sobbing by the ending. Ed sat down next to her, offering her hand. Ava took it, basically throwing herself into Ed’s arms, crying herself dry, her brain still running between times, unable to pinpoint a name, a place, a time. 

She was 2, and they were happy in their little house in the Ukraine. Her father had given her Katrina, her doll, her mother laughed as she hugged it.

Or, maybe she was 4, hiding under her mother’s table at the lab in Odessa, her father far away, Anastasia close by her side.

Maybe she was 5, handcuffed to a pipe in a bathroom, Ivan Somodorov standing over her, grinning. 

Maybe she was 6, strapped to a chair, electrodes on her head, snow white playing before her, Alya mindlessly reciting the words.

Maybe she was 7, pirouetting through the halls, her mother smiling as she twirled through the studio, the sequence drilled into her mind.

Maybe she was 8, blood covering her hands, smiling as Madame praised her, as Sasha was dead at her feet.

Maybe she was 9, Natasha Romanov before her, her saviour, her sister.

Maybe she was 10, all alone once again. 

Ed held her close, muttering quiet words of comfort to her, calling her baby or sweetheart or darling, stroking her back as she sobbed, the room silent otherwise, her cries echoing off the walls. Her blood stained Ed’s shirt, her tears soaked it through, limbs intertwined on the floor of the gym, Ed’s heart aching for her, Ava’s chest hollow as it hit her, over and over again.

Ed held her through the night, not one of them sleeping a wink. They ran around the compound a few times, then collapsed into bed, Ed promising to remind herself to get Jemma or Ali to wrap up Ava’s hands the next morning. 

* * *

She perched on the edge of the sink, getting impatient as she waited for Jemma to come with the first aid kit so she could take proper care of her hands. She suspected she’d fractured a few bones, and her cuts were blood, her knuckles ripped to shreds.

Jemma came back in, smiling softly at her as she took her hand.

“You really should go to a proper medical doctor.” She sighed, as she measured the damage, getting a damp cloth and cleaning her hands of the dried blood.

“I don’t like doctors.” She insisted stubbornly. Doctors meant needles, and needles meant experimentation or steroids or sedation.

“Technically, I am a doctor.” Ava rolled her eyes.

“You know what I mean.” Jemma nodded, although she didn’t really. She didn’t know much about Ava at all, not even why she’d been so scared last night. She knew she was Russian, and that she had some sort of trauma, but only Ed really knew what had happened, and she suspected Oksana might as well. Of course, she’d heard the nightmares, knew that they’d increased after Lincoln’s death, but she didn’t want to push, she figured she’d find out if Ava wanted her to. It was different, not knowing everything about her, like she did with the others. 

“This will sting a little.” She warned, but Ava just gestured for her to get on a bit. She cleaned her cuts gently, slightly anxious that she’d left it so long before sorting them out. She studied Ava’s bruising, her left fist basically entirely black.

“I think you’ve fractured the shaft of your third and fourth metacarpals in your left, as well as your fourth on your right.” Ava looked at her blankly and Jemma sighed.

“You fractured your fingers.” she concluded. 

“Super, can you fix it?” Jemma frowned.

“Well not immediately. Li and I are working on bone healing drugs in biomed, so we can probably use you as a test subject, but you’ll be out of training for at least the next month even with the drugs.” She concluded, giving Ava her hand back. 

“Use me as your guinea pig.” Ava agreed, and Jemma smiled a little.

“I’ll wrap them up now, which will hurt but I don’t want your bones setting wrong.” She decided. She’d given Daisy a few splints when her powers had ill-affected her arms, and it wouldn’t take as long if it was just Ava’s fingers.

“Can I ask what happened?” Ava just shrugged.

“Sorry, don’t mean to pry.” Jemma apologised.

“It’s fine, just not ready to talk about it.” Jemma nodded, taking her two fingers and wrapping them together against the splint carefully, apologising quietly as Ava winced when she straightened them out. 

“That’s okay? Not too tight?” Ava nodded, moving her index finger and thumb. 

‘I’d avoid doing that for a while. I don’t think they’re fractured, but the bruises will take a while to heal.” Jemma told her gently, Ava wincing slightly. She took her other finger, wrapping it up with the splint, apologising as she had to straighten it, Ava looking away as she worked, swinging her legs impatiently.

“How’s that?” Jemma asked when she was done.

“Good. Thanks, Jemma.” Ava smiled, getting off the sink so she could go back through, Jemma stopping her.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” She said honestly, making a conscious effort to look her in the eyes.

“Thanks. I’m sorry if I scared any of you last night.” She replied, shuffling awkwardly.

“You didn’t, just worried. We’ll always be here, you know, you’re one of us.” Jemma said shyly. 

“Thanks, Simmons.” Ava beamed, smiling properly for the first time since last night. Finally, she had a home, and maybe she could be enough for them.


	33. Invisible String

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is called Invisible String solely because that's what I was listening to when I wrote it. It has literally nothing else to do with it :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh, no CWs :D
> 
> I promise Oksana's roommates are relevant to the plot (also go look up america chavez she's literally so cool i wanna be her when i grow up)

“Hi!” Jemma said brightly as he opened the door to let her in, grinning as she walked through to his room.

“Hey.” He beamed, offering to take her coat. She handed it to him, unable to help herself but smile as he just dumped it on his desk along with the mountain of  _ things _ that were just slowly piling up.

“I uh, made us pasta, it’s just buttery, but there’s tomato sauce in the kitchen if you want some.” He told her, leading her through to get bowls for them. He just took his with a dollop of melted butter on it, but Jemma found some pesto and cheese and spread them over it. They headed back to his room, both of them uneager to make conversation with his roommates. He opened his laptop, slipping under his duvet and inviting her to do the same. She took her shoes off and wriggled under with him, batting his hands away from the keyboard so she could choose which doctor they’d watch.

“What season are you in the mood for?” she asked, scrolling through iPlayer.

“5 for now, might change to 2 a little later.” He decided, gesturing for her to grab him a stim toy from his bedside table. She got him a tangle, as well as another for herself before pushing play, sitting back to enjoy the same episode with the same bowl of pasta as though it was the first time for approximately the twelfth time that year. Ah, to be neurodivergent. 

“You know young Amy is played by Gillan’s cousin.” She told him as soon as it started, he nodded, his hands already fidgeting excitedly as they watched and Amy’s theme started. 

“Hey, this is a new piece of trivia for ya.” Fitz said as Amy was waiting for the doctor.

“Do tell.” Jemma responded curiously.

“You see that shadow?” He asked, pointing to behind Amy at the flash of a shadow.

“Yeah?”

“It was supposed to be the Doctor from when he visited her inThe Big Bang, but Moffat cut it.” He told her proudly. She nodded, swallowing her pasta before continuing.

“It brought up a continuity issue, correct?” He nodded again. 

“It did.” He confirmed, going back to his buttery pasta, keeping an eye on the laptop at all times. Jemma squealed as soon as grown up Amy arrived, absolutely melting when she pulled her hair down from her ponytail.

“Blood lesbian.” He scoffed. She hit him playfully.

“Hey, at least it’s not Whittaker, the flappy hands get violent when she’s around.” He laughed.

“She’s really pretty!!” Jemma defended.

“No, you mean she has piercing, wears a suit, rides a motorbike and you’re a lesbian.”

“That’s what I said. Anyway, I’m nowhere near as bad as you with Tennant.” 

“I just think he’s grand.” Fitz pouted.

“Sure, Fitz.” She grinned, setting her bowl back on his bedside table and shuffling further down in the bed so she was laying in his lap. He copied her so he had his hands free, and started playing with her hair.

“Don’t knot it or I’ll literally cry.” She warned.

“Have a little faith, would you Simmons?” He protested.

“If you make it feel wrong then you will be the one who has to pay.” She said, trying to sound at least vaguely threatening. It didn’t work.

“Well sure, if pay means that you’ll have a meltdown and have to spend the night here watching Doctor Who under a weighted blanket, which is literally the plan anyway.” He scoffed, braiding tiny little plaits into her hair. She whined when the episode finished, poking his thigh until he pressed play for the next one, fiddling happily with her necklace.

“You hungry?” He checked.

“Fine. Don’t move, I'm comfy.” She warned. He collapsed back onto the headboard, getting bored of sitting. By the time 5x03 rolled around he was getting bored, so he shifted her off his lap, much to her indignation, and went to make them both tea, picking up some chocolate ice cream on the way.

“I hate you.” She said as he came back in, looking rather disgruntled.

“I brought ice cream.” He offered. She narrowed her eyes.

“I hate you slightly less.” She said, still frowning. He handed her a cup of tea and she couldn’t help but smile. She loved Daisy, but the girl just couldn’t make tea like Fitz could. 

“We can watch Spyfall?” He offered. Her eyes widened. They’d only watched it a couple of times because Fitz just could not appreciate the miracle that was Jodie Whittaker. 

“You’re kidding?” She asked.

“Well, I had the audacity to move whilst being used as human furniture, so I guess I owe you?” He guessed.

“You know me too well.” She said brightly, scrolling to season 12 and clicking on Spyfall part one. 

“I mean, we literally live together and I call your mum mum. My AI is installed at your family house, and I go to yours for Christmas. Of course I know you.” He frowned.

“I think it’s a figure of speech? Something like that, now shut up and appreciate Jodie.” Jemma shushed him.

“Wouldn’t be my type even if I liked girls.” He muttered, shushing all the same. She stirred her ice cream until it was mostly melted, the perfect texture, and ate it quickly, shoving the bowl at Fitz so she could sit up and squeal for forty minutes. He tried to pay attention, but Chibnall’s writing left him thoroughly uninspired, he ended up on his phone scrolling through TikTok, smiling to himself as Jemma spouted random facts about the episode at him. She really was his best friend, always would be. 

* * *

“Come on.” Ed offered her a hand from where she was sitting on the ground.

“What?” Daisy asked, taking it.

“We’re gonna go spar.” She said, as though it was obvious.

“I can use my powers?” She checked, knowing she probably couldn’t beat Ed without them.

“No, but I’ll go with one hand behind my back?” She offered. Daisy stuck her tongue out, knowing she’d probably still beat her anyway.

“What about I can use my powers but you can have a sword?” She offered. Ed considered that.

“Fine, but if I knick you then that’s on you.” She shrugged, uncapping Riptide, absolutely terrifying Daisy.

“You gotta give me warning before you do that.” She sighed.

“Gotta keep you on your toes, Dee.” Ed grinned with a wink, Daisy just rolling her eyes at her. 

“Best of three?” Ed asked. Daisy nodded.

“You want AC/DC?” She asked, pulling out her phone. 

“Fall Out Boy.” Ed decided. Daisy raised an eyebrow.

“Very first year of you.”

“What can I say, I’m one for sentimentality.” She shrugged as she spun Riptide around, bouncing on the balls of her feet as Novacaine started. 

“God, you’re fucking terrifying.” Daisy whined as she took her in. She was literally like 6 foot tall, holding a sword, and wearing a sports bra and leggings, her hair tied back in a ponytail. It was enough to terrify any lowly lesbian. 

“That’s what I’m going for.” She smirked, moving to the other side of the mat, raising riptide and becoming Daisy towards her.

Daisy imitated her position, transferring her weight so it was on both of her feet, raising her arms so she was ready. As always, Ed played the attack first, swinging Riptide so quickly that Daisy almost missed it. She dodged, blocking Riptide with her powers, throwing Ed off balance as she used her spare hand to throw her weight, ducking as Ed swung a leg over her as she flipped back to balance, practically snarling as she repositioned herself. Daisy made at her with her fists, her powers knocking Riptide from her hands. 

Ed swung a punch, Daisy dodged it and kicked at her stomach, Ed catching her leg in midair, twisting her so she almost collapsed. Daisy caught herself, rolling over on the floor and bringing Ed with her, quaking them so they hit the ground less heavily. Ed recovered quicker, straddling Daisy so she could go in for the punch, just to be quaked to the other end of the mat, Daisy picking herself up pretty quickly. 

Ed ran at her, immediately aiming to throw her rhythm off, something that Daisy became reliant upon when music was playing. Pete Wentz was still screaming in the gym, and first years were gathering for their class. She immediately went for a hook kick, but Daisy ducked, squaring up so she could quake her. Ed rolled out of the way, taking advantage of her position to swing a leg around one of Daisy’s ankles, throwing her off balance. 

She took a couple steps back, enough time for Ed to bounce back up again, quick enough to grab Riptide of the way. She swung it, careful not to hurt her too badly (Jemma could be very scary sometimes, especially when the ops kids beat each other up and Jemma ended up looking after them). It nicked Daisy’s arm before she could get out of the way, but she quickly caught on, using her powers to essentially fly over Ed’s head, attacking from behind. Ed was ready for her though, swinging around with Riptide so she knocked Daisy over, pinning her to the floor with Riptide at her neck, her arms pinned under Ed’s knees. 

She sighed heavily, tapping the floor three times so Ed had to get off her, huffing as she offered her a hand. She took it, standing up to a sea of shocked first years and a rather impressed Strike team D.E.L.T.A.. 

“You need this area?” Daisy asked Natasha.

“Go another round without weapons or powers, the babies enjoy watching you.” Clint replied. Daisy nodded, grabbing her water and handing Ed hers.

“Now I get an audience whilst I wipe the floor with you.” Ed smirked. Daisy poked her in the ribs.

“We’ll see, sestra.” Daisy said lightly, heading back onto the mat. It was weird having the first years watching, although it gave her extra motivation to not absolutely embarrass herself. They wrapped their hands this time, Natasha glaring at them to set a good example for the first years.

Daisy beat Ed to the attack this time, immediately going for her face, a fist meeting her cheek. Ed blinked a couple times before springing into action, immediately going to kick Daisy in the side. She blocked it, Daisy going to punch her but Ed ducked, punching her in the ribs. Daisy bought up a hand to try and get her in the face again, but Ed held her off, taking advantage of the open spot to get her in the chest. Ed took her arm, looping underneath it and pushing down, hoping to get her to concede. 

No such luck, as she twisted out of her grip, forcing Ed onto the floor. She bounced back up, Daisy taking advantage of her weak spot to go for her head. She blocked her, Ed taking her arm and pulling it, flipping them both over onto the floor, Ed lifting a leg to kick her in the face. Daisy caught it, but Ed shifted her weight so she could roll them both over, Ed kicking her square in the face, jumping up before Daisy could, kicking her across the room, Daisy quaking a little to soften the landing. 

“Hey! We said no powers!” 

“And I’d rather not have a broken tailbone.” Daisy retaliated. The song ended, so Daisy held a hand up, nodding to Natasha for her to start another. She did, and they leapt back into the fight, Ed instantly swinging at Daisy who barely dodged her hit. She went back in with her elbow, but Daisy grabbed it, spinning her round to try and throw her. It didn’t work, Ed just raised an eyebrow at her. Daisy threw her fist at her again, triggering a series of missed hits from the both of them, each girl getting more and more frustrated with the other’s familiarity of their style. Ed was graceful, she was more calculating, but Daisy was quicker, and she could predict her moves better. Finally, Daisy went for a kick, but Ed spinned out of the way, raising a leg to get her in the neck, switching her weight quickly to knock Daisy legs out from under her. She collapsed onto the floor, frowning up at Ed. 

“I hate you.” She pouted.

“And you love me for it.” Ed grinned, offering her a hand. Daisy took it and they headed off the mat, leaving the first years slightly gobsmacked, Daisy high fiving Clint as they went. 

“Good session, we should do it more often.” Ed grinned. Daisy rolled her eyes.

“You could never beat me at full power.” She tried.

“You wanna test that theory?” Ed pushed, looking forward to absolutely annihilating her. Daisy flushed.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” She said, trying to maintain some dignity.

“I really wouldn’t worry about that.” Ed replied smoothly. 

“Fine, tomorrow then.” 

“Tomorrow.” Ed nodded, shaking her hand.

* * *

“Ava Antaloyeva Orlova, are you ready for the most incredible spa day you’ve seen in your 17 years of existence?” Ava frowned.

“Don’t call me Antaloyeva, it’s Antalya.” Technically Antaloyeva was her name, her father was Antaloy, so she was Antaloyeva, but she’d changed it on the paperwork for The Academy, wanting to leave that behind.

“Apologies, Talya, but you must prepare yourself for the amazingness that is a truly American spa day.” Oksana said excitedly. They were on the floor in her dorm, a place where Ava had spent most nights after her and Ed had broken up. She liked her roommates, Kamala, Kate, Lila, and America, having been fussed over like a little puppy when they’d first met her. She was always the youngest, a year younger than the rest (apart from Lila, who was only a couple of weeks older), but that, combined with the fact that she was going through a break up essentially made them all claim her as their collective child, earning herself 5 new mom friends. They were out, though, so it was just her and Oksana on the floor of their common area, Taylor Swift playing on the TV.

“Super. What’s first?” She asked.

“Well, I’d do your nails for you, but you never seem to have any for reasons that I definitely don’t want to know about, so I guess we’ll start with face masks.” She decided, ignoring Ava’s slightly uncomfortable look at the comment on the length of her nails. She obediently followed to the bathroom, taking the sheet mask out of its packet.

“You do this often?” Ava asked as she cringed a little at how cold it was .

“Well, not often. Lils and Kate announce one randomly every couple months, but I don’t do it myself very much.” She shrugged. Their general group activity was walking Lucky, as all of them but Oksana and Lila were in Ops and had a habit of literally going mad if they spent more than approximately 3 hours inside. It was usually Oksana and Lila who ended up walking her, whilst the others ended up racing each other around the campus. It was funny, watching Kamala and America use their powers, Kamala growing so she was about 7 foot tall to keep up with America’s superspeed, whilst Kate struggled behind them. 

“Our favourite group activity is film night. Does that say much about our different groups?” Ava asked.

“It says you live with a bunch of scientists and I live with a bunch of superheroes.” Oksana said, smoothing the mask over her face, tugging her hair back into a hairband, having to wrestle with it to get it to stay put. 

“Fair point. Even Eds knows some bio, I’m literally the only one without a formal education.” She didn’t mind much, it just made her the resident Ops kid, which was slightly ironic as both Daisy and Ed outranked her. 

“Who needs it anyways.” Oksana said with a sly grin, heading her way back into the lounge. Ava followed, sitting cross legged on the floor.

“You want hot chocolate?” Oksana offered.

“I’ll take a tea please, golubushka.” She asked sweetly.

“You’ve been spending too much time with the Brits.”

“And you’ve been spending too much time with the Americans. We’re Russian, what happened to the vodka?” Ava sighed.

“What happened is that Mac announced a detox after finding Kate and Mala collapsed in the hallway for the third time in a week.” Oksana said, scrunching her nose. Ava laughed.

“Well, you run a tight ship. Took six months for us to realise that maybe vodka for breakfast wasn’t exactly healthy.” Ava joked, but Oksana just raised her eyebrows. 

“I don’t know whether to be impressed or depressed for you.” She tutted, putting her mug in the microwave and boiling the kettle. Ava switched the album to Lover, smiling to herself as The Man came on. Oksana collapsed next to her, handing her the tea and sipping her own hot chocolate. They’d lit scented candles so the place smelt like jasmine, and Taylor was giving them a lovely atmosphere. 

“Probably both.” Ava said honestly, sipping her tea. “How much longer do we have to wear these for?” She asked.

“10 minutes.” Oksana said as she checked her phone.

“Ew.”

“Well, after this we get to do the rest of the skin care stuff, which is the best, and then we’ll watch a comfort film.” Ava frowned.

“What’s a comfort film?” Oksana paused.

“Well, I guess you might not have one. It’s like a movie that just makes you feel all soft inside, it’s just comforting.” 

“Sana, the only film I watched growing up was Snow White so that Ivan could brainwash me.” Oksana just stared at her.

“Well, best not that then, right malenka sestra?” Kate asked as everyone came through, Lucky bounding up to Ava to say hi.

“Yeah, probably best.” Ava agreed, reaching for a hug as Kate sat down next to them.

“We’ll watch Mulan.” Lila decided, stealing the remote from Oksana. Everyone instantly protested.

“We’ve watched it like 30 times, Lils.”

“Absolutely not.”

“I swear I know it all off by heart by now.” Lila pouted.

“Fine, what do you suggest?” She asked America, tossing her the remote.

“The Good Dinosaur? It’s like the only Pixar one we haven’t seen yet.” America suggested, scrolling through Disney plus. 

“I don’t wanna watch an animated one, what about 13 going on 30?” Kamala suggested, stealing Oksana’s hot chocolate from her hands and taking a sip. Oksana batted her off.

“Get your own. And I don’t wanna watch a chick flick.” Oksana said. Ava thought about everything she’d watched with her dormmates.

“We could try something from Nickelodeon?” She suggested, reaching for the remote from America.

“Not Victorious.” Kate said, just to be met with death glares from America and Lila.

“This is Jade West disrespect and we won’t stand for it.” Lila said fiercely.

“You and whose army?” Kate asked, sticking her tongue out at them.

“The gays.” Lila said, Kate gasped dramatically.

“You’d turn on one of your own?” She asked. Lila shrugged.

“You’ll live. We could watch The Thundermans?” No one seemed too offended by that suggestion, so Ava changed the app to Netflix, finding The Thundermans on there. She pressed play just as Oksana’s phone pinged, telling them to go take their masks off.

“We have to do the skincare?” Ava pouted as they entered the bathroom. Oksana shrugged.

“We can do it some other time, we’ll go join them in there.” Ava nodded gratefully, washing her face quickly and practically running back to Kate and Lucky, settling herself in her lap, Lucky resting her chin on Ava’s knee. Oksana came through a second later, joining Lila and America’s tiny cuddle pile, leaving Kamala squished at the end of the sofa. 

“I’m hungry.” Kate complained, just to be shushed by everyone else, no one wanting to move at all. It was nice for Ava to have friends outside of her roommates. Sure, she loved them, but she still felt like an outsider, everyone else having known each other for years. With Oksana’s friends no one apart from Kate and Lila had known each other before, it made it easier to blend in with them. It was comfortable, their friendship, and precious. She’d been alone for so long, and so she’d found her family, a place where she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks fo reading!


	34. 366 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year since Lincoln's death.

It had been 366 days since Lincoln’s death. That’s 52 weeks, or 12 months, or 1 year. Say it how you will, it seemed wrong. It seemed wrong that it had been so long, that it had been an entire year, yet sometimes it felt like yesterday, other times it felt like a lifetime ago. 

She woke up on September fourth, now used to the emptiness in the bed next to her. She already felt heavy, she already felt a weight on her chest, the world already assumed its previously dull state, colours were dull, her head ached. 

_ Come on, Bells, you can do this. _

But she didn’t  _ want _ to. She didn’t want to deal with today, she wanted to run, far far away, and sit with her grief, sit with Lincoln and his absence, sit with who she used to be, forget who she became. She wanted to stay in bed, to stay huddled under her duvet where she could protect herself from the world, from her friends, from their grief as well as her own. 

She didn’t move to turn off her alarm, despite her ever growing annoyance at the blaring. She left it, stayed facing the wall, eyes closed tight as she remembered him. It was hard, sometimes, to remember without being assaulted with memories of the crash, of Hydra, of  _ the girl is unimportant _ , but today she let it happen. Today she let herself remember everything about him, his laugh, the smell of his hair, his last words, the fear in his eyes as he died. She didn’t cry, not that day, not yet. She just took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and let herself continue. She spent so much time denying him, denying him the same space in her mind that he occupied in her heart because of the pain it carried, but that day, that day she let him in.

She studied him, holding onto every detail she could remember, trying not to think about how it had been a year since she saw him last, a year since she saw him for the last time. She realised she couldn’t remember his coffee order, was it a latte he liked? Or maybe a cup of tea? The moments they’d spent together seemed to merge into one, into one specific part of her life. Life is made up of moments, but his seemed to get lost, lost in an infinite sea of life, of moments, of people and coffee dates and ice creams. 

She missed him. Desperately so, but he was gone. She knew that, she knew, she’d made her peace with it. Just, some days it seemed so surreal, seemed so  _ wrong  _ that he could just be gone like that, that he wasn’t with her. It was okay, though. His death wasn’t, but her relationship with it was. He was still missing, he still left a Lincoln sized hole in her heart, but the rest of her didn’t feel so empty without him. She hadn't moved on, but she’d said goodbye. 

No one disturbed her that morning. They all had plans, they were going to visit his grave that evening, hopefully once the others had left, but for that morning they let her be. At 5, Ed knocked on the door.

“Bee?” She called quietly as she entered. She sat next to her on her bed, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Eds.” Bella sighed, rolling over to face her, leaning into her hand.

“You still up for going to the memorial?” She asked softly. Bella groaned, sitting up.

“Yeah, it’s the right thing to do.” She sighed. She leaned forward to hug Ed, wrapping her arms around her waist, sighing softly as she brought up a hand to stroke her hair.

“You’re okay?” She asked quietly.

“No. But it’s okay.” Bella told her, trying not to laugh.

“Good. You know we got you?” She nodded.

“Yeah. You got me.” She said with a small smile.

Bella clung to Ali’s hand as they walked to the cemetery. He wasn’t actually buried there, his body was in a grave in Cincinnati, but S.H.I.E.L.D. had a memorial garden for fallen academy kids or younger agents, so they visited him there. Daisy and Jemma hung towards the back of their little procession, following a couple of metres behind Ed and Ava who were on the heels of the twins. 

“She’s better now, right?” Jemma asked. Daisy squeezed her hand.

“They both are.” She promised, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her head. 

“And Lincoln, do you think he’s safe?” Jemma asked, wrapping an arm around Daisy’s waist. 

“I think he’s right up in the stars, with your dad, and everyone else.” They both knew what she meant by ‘everyone else’, but let it go unsaid.

“He’s okay.” Jemma decided, looking up to the sky. 

“Yeah, Jems. He’s okay.” Daisy nodded. They kept walking in silence, each mourning individually, holding a little of each other’s grief, lifting the weight off them.

Ali held Bella’s hand firmly the entire walk, her heart breaking a little at every hitched breath, every shaky exhale that escaped Bella’s mouth. Ed looked at the pavement as they walked, hands clenched in her pockets, her arm linked with Ava’s. She hadn’t had a chance to properly grieve Lincoln, not like everyone else seemed to. His loss still felt new to her, still felt like she hadn’t properly addressed it. After his death she’d been so focused on Ali and Bella and Ava and protecting them, that she hadn’t let herself breathe. She knew he was gone, she tried to honour him by looking after Bella, but people seemed to forget that she knew him too. Not like the twins did, but they got on well. They were from the same state, and they both knew limited bio, and they sparred and she teased him and it was  _ nice.  _ He was ordinary, and she missed it. 

They arrived at his little plaque, the sun quickly setting behind them. Someone had left flowers there already. It seemed so strange, that this piece of metal was supposed to be able to sum up who he was, that this was what he left behind, this was what S.H.I.E.L.D. gave him to be remembered by.

Bella laid a bouquet down, running a finger over the engraving of his name. Lincoln Campbell. Her boyfriend. He’d become more than that to S.H.I.E.L.D., some kind of example of Hydra’s horrors, of what they were capable of, but to Bella he was just hers. He was precious, and he was taken from her too soon.

“Fate wasn’t kind to us, was it?” She said tearfully, taking the hand that was planted softly on her shoulder.

“It wasn’t.” Ali said softly, rubbing her hand with a thumb. Bella leaned into her touch, crying softly on the ground, letting Ali wipe her tears away. She got down next to her, pulling her close whilst she rubbed her back, everyone else silent, tears falling slowly down Ed’s cheeks. Ava looked up in surprise, shocked at the openness.

“Shut up.” Ed sniffled.

“I didn’t say anything.” Ava frowned. 

“I know.” She said quietly, wiping her own tears away. Ava reached up, brushing a tear away with her thumb.

“It’s okay, golubushka.” She said quietly, wrapping her arms around her and leaning on her shoulder. Ed rested her cheek on Ava’s head, letting herself cry as she watched the twins, as she thought of him, and Bella, and all the awfulness that had followed.

“Thank you.” She mumbled, hugging her back. Ava held her, slightly surprised at the lack of her walls, the ones she usually held up with pride, utterly unwilling to let them down for anyone. She pulled her closer, burying her face in the crook of her neck, whispering quiet affirmations in Russian. Ed’s face broke, gasping heavily as everything hit her, combing a hand through Ava’s hair. 

Daisy and Jemma stood, watching them all, arms wrapped around each other.

“They didn’t deserve this.” Daisy said numbly.

“No, they didn’t. Neither did we.” Jemma agreed. 

“We had each other, they all lost each other.” Daisy pointed out, watching them all with a combination of sadness and pride.

“We’re okay now.” 

“Yeah, we’re okay now.” Daisy nodded, linking their arms.

Darkness fell over the garden, nobody moving at all. Ali and Bella remained intertwined, tears falling over his name, liquid memory trickling down their cheeks, this time letting each other take a little of the weight, letting each other share their grief.

It had been 366 days since Lincoln’s death. That’s 52 weeks, or 12 months, or 1 year. 366 days, it may as well have been a lifetime, but they were okay, they were together. They might never be the same, but they could be better, and that had each other. In the end, is that not all that matters? They had each other.


	35. Warriors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone's favourite russians go for a walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is late, i have no serotonin

Natasha threw her phone across the room, rage building in her chest. They couldn’t be back, this couldn’t be happening. She’d destroyed them, she’d hunted them down and destroyed every one of them after finding Ava. 

She tugged on a sweater over her sports bra, not bothering with joggers over her running shorts. She was Russian, she could handle Canadian October. She set off running, biting back tears, or gasps, or hyperventilation. She was the Black Widow, but only because that’s what they made her. 

So, she ran, ran as though they were following, as though they knew where she was, as though they could find her. May had been the one to tell her. It made sense, much as she loved him, Coulson couldn’t understand them. He couldn’t understand the sick kind of loyalty to those who made her, couldn’t understand the confusion, the loathing, the pure, white, hatred that coursed through them. He wasn’t a warrior, not like the widows were, not like the Cavalry, not like D.E.L.T.A., or the Morse sisters. He was their back bone, he held them all together, but he could never truly reach them, not like they could with each other.

She kept running, unsure of her destination, unsure of who she was running from, or who she was running to, or even who she was. She was what they’d made her, she was Natalia, and Natasha, and Natalie. To Clint’s kids she was Aunt Tasha, to Ava she was a failure, to Coulson she was a kid. But who was  _ she _ ? Beneath all the names, all the aliases, all of the S.H.I.E.L.D., Hydra, Red Room bullshit, who was Natasha?

She thought she’d been close, she thought she’d been getting better, getting back towards who she was meant to be, to who she could’ve been, but no. No, they were back, and they could take her all over again, they could reduce her to a number, or a codename, an hourglass silhouette. They were back, after how hard she’d fought, after the years of hunting them down, they were back. 

* * *

Ava woke up terrified. She reached for Ed, for warmth beside her, trying not to scream again when she wasn’t there. No, Ed was training with the Big S.H.I.E.L.D. S.T.R.I.K.E. teams, Ed would be back on Thursday. She groaned to herself, collapsing against Ed’s pillow, folding herself around it, wishing she was here, here to help her fight with the music in her mind.

She dragged herself out of bed, knowing that she wouldn’t sleep again, not after what she saw, pulling on her trainers and one of Ed’s hoodies, setting off to run. 

“Talia?” Ava gasped as her and Natasha ran head first into each other. They’d both been moving subconsciously almost undetectably, sliding through the darkness like cats, merging with the shadows. 

“Alya?” Nat asked, pulling away from where they’d crashed.

“Chto vy sdelayete?” (What’re you doing?) Ava sighed.

“Beg. I ty?” (Running, and you?) Natasha said, as though it were obvious.

“Odna i ta zhe. Zabotit'sya o kompanii?” (Same. Care for company?) Ava offered. Nat nodded, although she didn’t really want the little widow with her. She couldn’t tell her, not just because it was classified. Ava wasn’t there for as long as she was, she hadn’t been out for as long either. She was a child, one Nat had failed to protect before. She’d do it this time, this time she’d save Ava Orlova.

“So, it was Ivan?” Nat asked, surprising herself with how casual she was.

“Actually it was Madame tonight. Yourself?” She laughed, shaking her head at them both. What a pair they were.

“Strange combination of the Bolshoi i Ivan.” She lied smoothly. 

“He was never overly concerned with the ballet, was he?” Ava frowned.

“Not with me, he was all about the human experimentation if I remember correctly, Madame was keener on the whole murder ballet assasination side of things.” She smirked a little at the ridiculousness of the situation. Until an hour ago, as far as Nat had been concerned they’d been the last two surviving Widows. And here they were, jogging in Canada at 2am, comparing trauma as though they were deciding what film to watch, or something trivial like that. 

“What was your ballet?” Ava asked, panting a little. Nat slowed down, remembering that Ava didn’t have enhanced speed.

“Nutcracker. You?” 

“Swan Lake.” Natasha nodded her approval.

“Tchaikovsky for the win.” She joked. Ava laughed.

“Well, it’s all dandy until your roommate gets it stuck in her head for a week.” She shrugged.

“Ah, well, no roommates no trouble.” Nat replied. Even then sleeping near other people bothered her. So many times she’d killed girls in their sleep because he’d told her to, so many girls had never woken up at her hand, she couldn’t stand hearing their breath, knowing that she could kill them before they knew what was going on.

“Yeah, well, my petition to get my own room on the basis of ‘I don’t like girls’ when I first got here didn't exactly go down well.” She sighed. It was good that they’d rejected that request, otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten so close to anyone, but it was scary at the time. Knowing what she could do, what she had done, and still being so close to them.

“Also bullshit, you not liking girls.” Ava rolled her eyes.

“It’s kinda funny how many of the girls from there wind up gay.” Nat contemplated. 

“Not really. Not after him.” Ava said bitterly. Nat shuddered.

“I only really have contact with Lena and Bucky, and they’re both about as gay as they come.” Nat told her. Another lie, she supposed. Well, for now it wasn’t, but E.C.H.O. were picking up the Widows’ case, so her and Clint would probably be called to help. 

“Well, all I have is you, and you ignored me for 6 years.” Ava pointed out. No, she would never drop the subject.

“Once again, alyy, I am very very sorry.” Natasha said for approximately the 300th time since they’d been reunited. 

“ Jiǔ sì.” Ava muttered. 

“Seriously, Vashenka, sorry.” Nat said, more sincerely this time. 

“Still annoyed at you.” Ava grumbled.

“That’s fine.” Nat almost laughed. When she’d come to the Academy it had been on the premise of helping Daisy, not caring much whether or not Coulson’s 16 year old liked her. Now, however, she needed Coulson’s 19 year old and all her friends to like her  _ so much.  _ Not for any reason, she just cared about the kids. She wanted to be able to protect them, protect them all from the fight she could feel coming, the urge to keep them safe and close growing inside her. They could take care of themselves, but really they were all still kids. 

“You got them though. Madame, Ivan, The Red Room, they’re gone because of you. So, you know, thanks.” Ava said slightly bashfully. Guilt rushed through Natasha. She hadn’t got them. They were still out there, rising up, getting ready to escape the shadows once more. No, not on Nat’s watch.

“Yeah, I did.” She lied again, swearing silently that this time, this time she’d do it right. For Ava, for herself, for all the little girls who slept handcuffed to the bedpost, all the little girls forced to scrub blood off the Madame’s floor, all the little girls who will grow up as killers. For them, she swore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops.


	36. The Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff n smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for (slightly kinky ngl) smut, I'll put a divider so you can skip :)

“Jems.” Daisy whined from their bed. It was a Sunday afternoon, it was snowing and for some God forsaken reason her girlfriend was not in bed with her. 

“Yeah?” Jemma asked, looking up from her desk.

“I’m lonely.” Daisy pouted. Jemma laughed.

“I’m 5 feet away.” Daisy rolled her eyes.

“Fine, then I’m clingy, come here.” She said, opening her arms. Jemma scrunched her nose.

“I wanna go out.” Daisy frowned. 

“It’s snowing.” 

“Exactly. We can go see the snow.” Jemma said happily, getting up.

“I’ve seen the snow, it’s white and cold.” She complained. Jemma shrugged, a grin spreading across her face.

“Well, I suppose since I’ll be so cold afterwards I’ll probably need a shower.” She said, feigning innocence. Daisy narrowed her eyes.

“I’m listening…” 

“Well, unless you were cold and wet as well, I couldn’t imagine you needing to join me.” She shrugged, pulling on a winter coat and a Doctor Who scarf.

“Are you bribing me with shower sex?” Daisy asked bluntly. Jemma nodded.

“Yas, I’m definitely bribing you with shower sex. Is it working?” Daisy sighed.

“Yeah.” She admitted, pulling herself out of bed. 

“Excellent.” Jemma said happily. Daisy pulled on a pair of joggers over her shorts, a fleece, a plaid shirt, a winter coat and some docs. 

“We’ll go on your stupid gay snow walk.” Daisy huffed, taking Jemma’s hand as she dragged her out of their room.

“You love my stupid gay nature walks.” Jemma rolled her eyes at her girlfriend’s huffing. 

“I love you, not the same thing.” Jemma shrugged.

“Package deal.” She grinned. 

“I know. So, what’s the plan, we going to the city or up over the hill to the lake?” Daisy asked as they left C-Niner. 

“I don’t like the city, it always stinks of weed.” Jemma said

“Okay, we’ll go up to the downs then, up to the lake. Oh, we could see if Comms have set up the ice skating again?” Daisy suggested. 

“Excellent.” Jemma nodded, smiling smugly. 

“Hey, this doesn’t mean I’m gonna enjoy your gay nature ice skating whatever, just means that I now know when I’m gonna get some.” Jemma snorted.

“Very romantic.” She laughed. 

“Hey! I can be romantic.” She defended. 

“Zee, neither of us have been particularly romantic since about first year.” Daisy scoffed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She sniffed.

“The last ‘date’ we went on consisted of sitting on the sofa eating Chinese whilst watching One Day At A Time.” Daisy frowned.

“Is this your very english way of telling me you want us to be more romantic?” She asked. Jemma shrugged. Daisy squeezed her hand.

“Ice skating is romantic, and I promise not to refer to sex as ‘getting some’, ‘fucking’ or ‘you wanna?’ for the rest of the day.” Daisy decided.

“That’s all I ask.” Jemma grinned, kissing her cheek.

“I mean, we could do a spa weekend next week if you want. Massages n stuff.” Daisy suggested, raising her eyebrows a little. Jemma sighed at the thought.

“Yas. It would be nice if we had a bath.” She sighed. Daisy nodded.

“It would.” Daisy agreed. They were quiet for a while, so Daisy let her mind wander, taking herself back to their first kiss. That had been romantic, peak lesbianism, she thought, chuckling a bit to herself. The moonlight and the dancing and the fairy lights. Their first time hadn't been romantic as such, but she had to admit, it was hot. They were more comfortable with each other, settling down into domesticity more, at the grand ages of 19 and 20. Sure, they  _ could _ be romantic, it just didn’t occur to her as much as it had when they were younger.

“You know, we could get away for a while after we graduate.” Jemma suggested after a while. Daisy looked at her.

“I mean, we could rent a cottage or something back home, spend a month there or something.” Daisy grinned.

“I love you.” She smiled, tilting her head up with her thumb to kiss her.

“That’s a yas?” Jemma checked.    
  


“Yeah, of course. My parents probably have a safe house there anyway or Nat will.” She gushed, already planning the trip out in her head.

“We could have a picnic, and bake together, and watch Doctor Who in actual England.” Jemma said wistfully.

“We could like, sleep in without a Russian assassin telling my mom.” Daisy grinned. 

“We could stargaze in my garden, bit of a cinematic parallel for you.” Jemma joked. 

“Yeah, but we wouldn’t like, stay with your mom?” Daisy checked. Jemma laughed.

“Absolutely not. She knows we’re adults and everything, but I hardly think a romantic trip to England would involve staying in my childhood home.” She grinned. 

“Fitzy would be in Big S.H.I.E.L.D. anyway, so you wouldn’t be abandoning him with her.” Daisy pointed out. Jemma hit her playfully.

“What?” Daisy giggled.

“You can’t say things like that, it’s too weird thinking that we’re gonna be like, proper grown up agents in 2 years.” Jemma scolded her, squealing when Daisy threw a handful of snow at her.

“What was that for?” She cried, balling some snow up for herself.

“You hit me!” Daisy protested, just as Jemma shoved a handful of snow down her shirt.

“You talked about the future!” Jemma imitated her tone, running up the slope so Daisy’s fistful of snow couldn’t reach her. 

“My bra is wet.” Daisy complained, dropping her snow and running up to meet Jemma at the top of the hill.

“You’ll live. Anyway, you’ll have to take it off later.” Jemma said with a wink.

“It’s still wet.” Daisy grumbled, although slightly cheerier now.

“You’ll be fine. The lake is down there, all I ask for is half an hour of ice skating and then we can go home.” Jemma promised, skipping happily down the hill. Daisy followed shortly after her, cringing slightly at the soggy bra.

“Two, please.” Jemma said brightly as they approached the makeshift desk that someone must’ve set up.

“Shoe size?” The girl on the other side asked, looking exceptionally grumpy. 

“7.5 and 8.5, please.” Jemma asked, passing $10 over. 

“Have fun, shelves over there for your boots.” She said blankly as she handed them their skates.

“Thanks.” Daisy mumbled as they headed over. 

“You done this before?” Daisy asked as they pulled their skates on.

“Nope, not at all. Have you?” 

“Yeah, not since I was 10 though.” 

“Well, we’ll figure it out.” Jemma mused.

“Together.”

“Together.” She agreed, taking Daisy’s hand as they stood up. 

Jemma tentatively stepped onto the ice, her legs wobbling a little. Daisy followed shortly after, holding tight onto her hand.

"I wish there was a rail or something." Daisy complained, wobbling unsteadily. 

"We'll be fine." Jemma said nervously, taking a couple of tiny steps across the ice. Daisy copied her, both of their arms spread out at their sides for balance. 

"Honestly, this is pretty easy." Daisy said, taking a couple bigger steps. 

"Hey, don't leave." Jemma pouted, struggling to keep up. 

"I'll work my way right back to you, babe." Daisy grinned, trying to glide a little. Jemma started gaining confidence a little, taking slightly bigger steps to keep up with Daisy, until they were gliding along smoothly, hand in hand. The sun started to set, and so the fairy lights turned on, most of the other kids heading back to campus. Eventually, it was just Daisy and Jemma left, gliding across the ice, hand in hand, talking softly. 

"You can't say this isn't romantic." Jemma smiled, taking in the atmosphere, the lights and the moon, the stars above them, Ophiuchus visible. It almost felt less special, now they could see it more often. Stunning all the same, always giving Jemma goosebumps, but not quite what it used to be.

"Yeah, this is pretty nice." Daisy grinned, memorizing Jemma's face all over again, every freckle, the scar above her eyebrow, the look of pure wonder in her eyes that Daisy saw every time she looked at the night sky, the stars softly reflected in her pupil.

"You're so gorgeous." She muttered, squeezing her hand as they slid to a halt.

"Are you flirting with me, Daisy May?" Jemma teased, blushing slightly.

"Yas, absolutely I am. What else am I to do when a pretty girl comes a stumbling my way?" she said quietly, brushing a strand of hair off Jemma's face.

"Well, I'd know. Just so happens that I wake up to one every morning." Jemma said smoothly, leaning into her hand.

"Yeah? What would you recommend?" Daisy asked, smiling softly. God, she felt like the luckiest person in the world. The whole universe, and she met this girl, at this time, and here they were, ice skating under the stars.

"I'd recommend that you take her hand," Daisy took her hand, "And you kiss her cheek," Daisy leaned over, kissing her cheek softly, letting her face rest against Jemma's, "And then I'd tell you to close your eyes, lean forward, and let her take over." She finished, barely louder than a whisper, kissing Daisy softly. Daisy smiled into her, kissing back quickly, bringing a hand up to run it through her hair, snowflakes falling around them. Daisy licked her bottom lip, requesting access to her mouth, but Jemma pulled away.

"Later, love." She said, her eyes darting from Daisy's lips to her eyes.

"Well, there's motivation to hurry home." Daisy smirked, making her way off the ice and pulling her skates off, grabbing both of their boots from the lockers. They pulled them on quickly, linking arms as they walked back home, Daisy's hand wandering occasionally, bored of waiting. Jemma just blushed, trying to keep up normal conversation despite herself, Daisy knowing full well what she was doing. 

They stripped their coats as they got home, Daisy grabbing their towels as Jemma headed to the bathroom, warning an unsuspecting Ali and Bella to avoid it for a while. She got out of her wet clothes quickly, leaving them in the sink to be dealt with later, slipping into the shower, revelling in its warmth. She heard Daisy enter the bathroom, her stomach flipping a little in anticipation. Hey, maybe romance wasn't dead. 

*****************************************************************************************************

Daisy slid in behind her, planting a soft kiss on her shoulder as she wrapped cold hands around Jemma's waist, her skin tingling as she did so. 

"You're cold." Jemma shivered, leaning into her anyway. 

"I'll warm up." She mumbled, kissing her shoulder again, licking her skin a bit, biting down gently. Jemma gasped, brushing her hair over her other shoulder to grant her better access to her neck. Daisy jumped at the opportunity, quickly moving up to the sweet spot, grinning as Jemma whimpered a little. Daisy bit down slowly, sucking on her skin as she did so, painfully aware of every little gasp or whimper that escaped her.

Jemma lifted one of Daisy's hands to her breasts, desperate for more contact. She kept working on her neck, placating her a little by taking a nipple between her fingers and pinching. Jemma gasped, arching her back against her touch.

"You like that, hon?" Daisy asked breathlessly, knowing exactly what reaction it would get out of Jemma.

"God, you're amazing." She sighed, turning around to kiss her, the water beating down on her back. Daisy kissed back eagerly, glad to be able to make out with her properly now. Felt like she'd been waiting for an eternity already. She kept playing with her nipple as they kissed, tugging and pinching occasionally. 

"Green?" Jemma checked, pulling away briefly, her stomach flipping at the flustered look on Daisy's face.

"Your tongue is not in my mouth, this troubles me." Daisy complained, beckoning her back. Jemma complied, kissing her slightly roughly, making their way to the wall, away from the water spray. Daisy let her pin her against the wall, moaning as Jemma bit her lip, licking it smoothly afterwards. 

"You're so hot." Daisy said breathlessly, feeling as though her entire body was on fire with Jemma's skin flush against hers.

"See, you said you'd warm up." Jemma grinned.

"Haha." Daisy said flatly, getting bored already. Jemma caught on, slipping her leg between Daisy's so she could rub against her thigh, both of them groaning as they made contact.

Daisy threaded a hand through her hair, tugging on it a little, grinning brightly as it had the desired effect. Jemma groaned a little, a labored breath escaping as she tipped her head back. Daisy kept grinding against her thigh as she moved forward to suck on her neck again, pulling her hair every so often just because she knew it absolutely made her melt. Jemma ghosted a hand between Daisy's thighs, letting it crawl over them, pausing to dig her nails in a little. Daisy gasped, taking her head away from Jemma's neck and tipping it back against the wall.

"Green." She confirmed, frowning as Jemma stopped. Jemma sighed in relief, concern dissipating as she resumed, smiling as Daisy took her hand, digging her nails into her thigh again, moaning herself as Daisy writhed against her leg. She untangled their hands, using her other on to trace her folds, slipping a finger through them, stopping before she reached her clit. Daisy whined, wriggling against her.

"Needy, are we?" Jemma teased, biting Daisy's lip again.

"Stop teasing." Daisy pouted, trying not to sound like a whiny bottom and failing miserably. They switched like hell, but when Jemma topped, she went all the way.

"Awh, poor sweetheart." Jemma cooed, pulling her hand away. 

"Jemma." Daisy breathed, whimpering a little at the loss of contact.

"Say please." She said coolly, scratching her thigh a little.

"Please, Jems, God." She half cried, rolling her hips against a painful nothing.

"Good girl." Jemma praised, returning her hand, taking her mouth up to Daisy's ear, which she nibbled slightly, knowing the feeling of her breath would drive her mad. She gave her her release, letting her fingers meet her clit, rubbing against it firmly, removing her hand from Daisy's thigh so she could slip a finger in her entrance, Daisy collapsing against her as Jemma curled her fingers inside her, feeling her contract around her fingers.

Jemma wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close so she could hold her, pressing little kisses to her neck as she came down. 

"I love when you top." Daisy muttered against her shoulder. Jemma laughed.

"Good to know, love." She said quietly, kissing her lips softly. Daisy closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against Jemma's.

"I love you." She told her, barely audible over the shower.

"I love you too." Jemma smiled, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek, thanking every star in the sky that they were together, that they existed at the same time, in the same place, thanking the universe for Daisy May.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no time to do anything ever seriously help me what the hell


	37. Lost Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> christmas again :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no CWs :)

“Hey, Fitzy.” Ali said as she opened the door to him, both of them still in their pajamas. 

“Morning, Al.” He grinned, presents in hand. They’d done Secret Santa, as per usual, but he’d found a new Doctor Who graphic novel about thirteen that he couldn’t resist getting Jemma. 

“Merry Christmas, Fitz!” Someone called from the living room, Daisy or Ed, judging by the accent. 

“Right back at ya!” He called, following Ali through to the living room. Daisy and Jemma were all but spooning on the sofa, Ed and Ava doing the same on the other one. A disgruntled Bella sat on the armchair, Ali having been elected to get the door for Fitz, hence losing her a pillow. 

“Fitzy.” Bella reached for him to join her. He put his presents on the kitchen island before curling up next to her, letting her pull him into her chest.

“What’re we t-talking about?” He asked, ignoring his stutter.

“Our favourite Christmas. Mine was the first one at the Prep, remember?” Daisy asked.    
  


“Yeah, you dragged us up to the roof to look at Ophiuchus. Oh, and we met your parents.” He said with a brief smile.

“We weren’t there for that, ma sent us down to London. It was an alright Christmas.” Bella shrugged.

“I don’t remember.” Ed scrunched her face. She knew it must’ve been spent with Bobbi and her mom, but she couldn’t pinpoint exactly which Christmas it was. Hell, she’d lived through 20 Christmases, they were all literally the same thing.

“Third year was pretty great.” Jemma said. Daisy had given her her necklace that year, just when they’d both come out. 

“Well, first year here was good, also one of the two proper Christmases I’ve had.” Ava joked, but it fell flat. 

“I got you.” Ed said quietly, kissing her cheek softly, pulling her closer into her chest. Ava settled closer against her, smiling to herself.

“Speaking of, I need to drop by Sana’s later to give them their gifts.” Ava told her, turning her head around a little.

“I’ll go with you, I got Chavez in the gift exchange thingy.” Daisy said. The enhanced team, now consisting of 20 or so people, had done a not so secret secret santa that year, their trainers convinced that it would improve morale. 

“Thanks.” Ava smiled. 

“We can stop by Nat’s apartment as well? I got her something, and my parents sent some stuff for her and Clint as well.” Daisy asked.

“Yeah, I need to go see her as well.” Ava agreed.

“My favourite Christmas was when Bobbi came down from Big S.H.I.E.L.D. and taught us all how to shoot stuff.” Ali said. 

“Second year was good, down in England.” Jemma said softly. Daisy warmed up a little at the thought. Her and Fitzsimmons had stayed with Jemma’s mum for Christmas. They’d had the matching sweaters and stockings and a chocolate log. It was cute, Daisy missed it.

“Yeah, it was.” Daisy agreed.

“I liked it.” Fitz confirmed. His best Christmases were the ones spent with these people, his family, his true one. He hadn’t seen his mum in a few years, hadn’t spoken to his dad for even longer. He had Jemma, and Daisy, the twins, Ed. He’d found his family, and it wasn’t with his blood.

“Baby’s only been alive for like, 5 Christmases.” Ed pointed out, reaching over Ava to scratch Luna’s head. Ed and Ava were her favourites, it was obvious. 

“She’s been here for all of them though, with us, I mean.” Jemma pointed out. She’d come with Bobbi on Ed’s birthday in first year, the 16th of December. 

“She loves us, don’t you?” Ed cooed. Luna didn’t say anything.

“I choose to take her silence as confirmation.” She decided. Luna stayed silent, just wiggling a little, burying her head in Ava’s chest. 

“What’s the time?” Jemma asked no one in particular. 

“2.” Bella said, pulling out her phone to check. 

“The food is coming at 6.30, and we’re doing presents at 5, you probably want to go see Sana and America before it gets dark.” Jemma told Daisy, squeezing her arm.

“We’ll go in an hour.” Daisy agreed, digging her phone out of her pocket.

“K, what do we wanna watch?” She asked, turning the TV on with the remote she’d built into her phone, staying up all night working on it in first year.

“Not a film. We could watch all the Christmas episodes of Friends?” Bella suggested. Daisy nodded, switching to Netflix, finding s1e10. She pressed play before zoning out almost instantly, burying her head in Jemma’s shoulder and wrapping a leg around her, pulling her close and closing her eyes as she pulled their blanket up over them. Jemma tried not to squirm at the feeling of breath on her neck, just settling back into Daisy, glad they weren’t watching anything interesting enough to make her flap her hands. She liked Friends, it was just a little straight. 

By the time they got to the third Christmas episode, Fitz and Daisy had fallen asleep, Fitz using Ali as a pillow. It was coming on for three though, so Jemma woke her up quietly, giggling a little at her bed hair.

“Places to be, love.” She said quietly, sitting up and taking the blanket with her so Daisy could get up.

“I hate everything.” Daisy grumbled, wiping her eyes and kissing Jemma’s cheek before getting up to join Ava, who looked just as tired as she did.

“We’ll be back soon.” They promised, the rest of them looking perfectly content without them, no one saying anything in response, other than Fitz moving to cuddle with Jemma, Ali moving to cuddle Ed.

“Great, we leave for 5 minutes and our girlfriends are already taken.” Daisy joked, heading into her room to get joggers, a jacket and a coat, as well as snow boots, holding America and Nat’s presents. Ava emerged, holding a tote bag with little presents for their dorm, as well as one for Nat.

“Really went to town there, Ace.” Daisy said, looking at her full bag.

“Making up for lost time.” She nodded. 

“Nice.” Daisy nodded, heading out, Ava following her. They made idle conversation as they made their way towards C-Victor, just around the corner, but in a different block of the building, so they had to leave, walk around the building, and enter through another way to get there. 

Ava knocked on the door, grinning as she heard Lucky bark, running up to the door. Lila opened it, looking exceptionally tired in her pajamas.

“Orlova, May.” She nodded, letting them in. Daisy bent down to pet Lucky, fist bumping Lila They had known each other for years, since they were about 8 and D.E.L.T.A. was formed. She hadn’t been to The Prep with her, Clint wanting her to have a remotely normal childhood, but after years he’d given in, letting her go to The Academy.

Oksana, Mac, Kate, and Kamala were sitting on the floor in a pile of wrapping paper, Kate squealing as Lucky bounded up to her. 

“I uh, got you all presents. Kams, I know you don’t celebrate Christmas, but you know, didn’t wanna leave you out.” Ava said slightly shyly, handing them out as she sat next to Oksana.

“Mac, I got you for the gift exchange.” Daisy said, handing America a slightly messily wrapped gift.

“Thanks, May.” 

“You didn’t have to, Vashka.” Oksana said gently, patting Ava’s arm gently. Ava shrugged.

“I know, I wanted to. You guys are like sisters to me, and I guess I missed out on all this stuff when I was younger, so…” She trailed off, looking down. Oksana wrapped an arm around her, thanking her quietly. Lila and Mac wrapped Ava up in a hug, the designated mum friends taking care of her, even though Lila was technically younger. Ava was their baby sister, and they loved her as such. Kamala and Kate joined their little pile, America pulling Daisy in by her sleeve.

“Oh. This is nice.” Ava said awkwardly.

“Hush, baby.” Kate shushed her, pressing a finger over her lips. 

“Careful, Katie.” Daisy warned. It wasn’t Ava they had to worry about, it was Ed.

“I can take Morse.” Kate shrugged. Ava just raised an eyebrow. 

“I love you guys, but I need to go see my weird older assassin sister and uh, Lila’s dad.” Ava said, her voice slightly muffled.

“We miss you.” Lila said, none of them moving from where they were all holding each other. 

“I’ll come round tomorrow, you can show me Gilmore Girls, da?” 

“Hey, I thought we dibbsed Lorelai?” Daisy protested.

“You stole How I Met Your Mother, this is our retaliation.” America said smoothly.

“Fine, but we’re keeping The L Word.” 

“Deal.” Kate agreed. They’d had to strike a deal between Ava’s different dorms, after she’d ended up watching the entirety of Disney princess movies (apart from Snow White, of course) twice without telling any of them. 

They stayed huddled on the floor for a while, before Daisy and Ava left, heading for Natasha’s apartment in the Faculty block. 

“What’s it like, going from having no one, to having so many people so quickly?” Daisy asked, tilting her head. Ava frowned.

“It’s like… I don’t know. You’re all so different, but my whole life I thought I’d always be alone. And then I gained like 10 family members in the space of 6 months, it’s kinda crazy. Just kinda makes me want to hold onto you all and never let go.” She said softly, looking at the ground as they walked.

“We’re not going anywhere anytime soon, Vashenka.” Daisy promised, pulling out her littlest nickname. ‘Vashka’ was more casual, like calling Daisy ‘Dee’. Vashenka was closer, sweeter, more affectionate. 

“I know.” Ava nodded, smiling to herself.

They reached Nat’s apartment, it was up at least 12 flights of stairs, so they were already annoyed by the time they got up there. Ava knocked on the door, and Clint opened it, wearing Captain America Pajamas that Coulson had gotten him as a gag gift after New York.

“Nat! The babies are here.” He called. 

“And we were like, we know, but hey!” Daisy muttered to herself, making Ava giggle a little.

“Ey detki.” (Hey, kids.) She said, smiling at them.

“Uh, my parents sent these, and I got you this.” Daisy said, handing them each a parcel, finding Nat’s in her pocket.

“Great, tell them thanks?” Daisy nodded.

“Sestra, ty moya samaya nizkaya rodstvennitsa po krovi, tak chto u menya yest' eto.” (you're the closest I have to blood family, so uh, I got you this.) Ava said to Nat, handing her a gift and a card. It was an Avengers Lego set, something Ava had found utterly hilarious upon finding it. 

“Spasiba, malen'kiy.” Natasha beamed, ignoring Clint’s shit eating grin, biting her bottom lip to stop herself crying. 

“S Rozhdestvom!” (Merry Christmas!) Ava said brightly, before leaving. 

“Aw, the littlest widow made you cry!” Clint teased as he closed the door.

“Don’t call her that. And I wouldn’t recommend the teasing either.” Natasha raised an eyebrow, wiping away a tear.

“Anyway, she’s not the littlest anymore.” Natasha said bitterly.

“We’ll get them.” He said comfortingly, laying a hand on her shoulder.

Ava and Daisy made their way back to their corridor, Jemma shushing them as they came in, gesturing to a pile of Ali, Bella and Ed, all fast asleep on the other sofa, Fitzsimmons, curled up together under a weighted blanket.

“I thought we were doing presents at 5?” Daisy whispered, gesturing for Ava to sit in the armchair with her.

“Give them 5 minutes, they look adorable. Eds isn’t even a little bit scary.” Jemma said, gesturing to their little pile, Ed sleeping with her mouth open, her hair hanging over her shoulders.

“Eds is always a  _ little _ bit scary.” Fitz corrected her.

“You’ve never seen her with Luna under one arm, Pete under the other with her hair in little braids, sleeping like a baby.” Daisy laughed.

“Pete?” Fitz frowned.

“The bear.” All three girls said. 

“Right, obviously.” Fitz said dryly. Jemma's phone chimed at 5, telling them it was time for presents.

“Ava, go wake them.” Daisy said, pushing her off the chair.

“Why me?”

“Because Ed’s the least likely to cause you bodily harm. Well, without your consent, anyway.” Daisy said with a wink. Ava rolled her eyes, not saying anything to that, leaning over to shake them awake. 

5 minutes later, they were all sat on the floor, presents in a pile in front of them. 

“Okay, we’ll go clockwise.” Jemma decided, nodding to Fitz to start. Bella had gotten him for Secret Santa, and he’d gotten a gift from Jemma and her mum. Bella got him a monkey teddy, saying that all the money from it went to a monkey sanctuary in Brazil. They listened to him and Jemma talk about the monkey breed, and then the sanctuary itself, somehow winding up at how many different species of monkey each of them could name. It had been a while since Jemma’s special interest had been animals, but she participated all the same, Daisy grinning at how excited they both got.

They came to a pause, so Fitz opened Jemma’s gift, which was a miniature TARDIS model, and then her mum’s, who they’d later discover had sent Fitz, Daisy and Jemma a Christmas jumper each.

Bella was next. Ava was her secret Santa, so she got her a Friends mug, and a Derry Girls T-Shirt, having noticed how excited she got about both of the shows. Her parents had sent both her and Ali their usual £20 each, and Ali got her a Ravenclaw beanie to match the scarf she’d stolen from Jemma.

Daisy, Ava’s secret santa, found a bunch of funny little books for her, things like ‘all my friends are dead’ (from the point of view of a dinosaur, of course), as well as finding an action figure of Nat for her. Ed got her a necklace with a red runestone in the center, a nod towards the pet name ‘alyy’ that everyone had adopted for her. Ali and Bella had made her new sabres calibrated for her DNA, and Jemma got her some new hand wraps for training. They’d come to some silent agreement, Ava being the only one without any external family, that they’d all get her something. To quote Stitch, ‘Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten’.

Ed and Bella had teamed up for Ali’s, both of them making her a collage of pictures of all of them, as well as various little memes or inside jokes (rather, Ed hyper focused on it for 12 hours, making on half that she never touched again, and Bella stayed up on Christmas eve to finish it), framed in white with 'you love us' along the bottom.

Ali, as per usual, gave Jemma a painting, this one of her and Fitz asleep on the sofa with Luna, Doctor Who blurry on the TV. Jemma and Daisy had a little collection of Ali’s paintings on their desk in their room. Some of them were gifts, some were just doodles that Ali had done, others were things that Daisy had found laying around and stolen. Jemma’s favourite was the painting that she’d done in first year of Daisy and Jemma by the lake together, both of them grinning, the sun hightling Jemma’s freckles. Fitz gave Jemma her graphic novel, a very heartfelt  _ ‘Dear Simmons, have fun simping over a cartoon, love Fitz x’  _ written on the inside cover.

Fitz and Bella made Ed a mini arsenal of disguised weapons to match Riptide; a hairbrush with a knife in the handle, a necklace with a pendant that became a dagger, a quarter that flipped out into a tiny dagger, a pen knife disguised as lipstick. 

“Did you guys seriously look at Eds and think ‘you know what she needs? More weapons?’” Daisy asked, raising her eyebrow at Fitz as Ed gushed over her new toys.

“Hey, you’re the one who’d got to live with her.” He shrugged.

“Great.”

By the time they were done with presents, the delivery guy came with their dinner. Fitz helped Jemma set it out on the table, everyone getting up to grab some, Ed getting the drinks. 

They sat around the kitchen island, eating and laughing together, the lights soft (Ed and Ava had finally changed the bulbs so they didn’t have to sit in darkness), all of them content to just sit together. For the first time in a long time, they were all okay. They were together, a family, seemingly unbreakable, the evening light as they were. Conversation came easily, no awkward stumbles or triggers, just smooth. It was good, peaceful, at last. 

Jemma and Fitz were the last ones to go to bed, insisting on one last episode of Doctor Who, nobody else able to keep up with the power of an autistic person’s special interest. He fell asleep halfway through, cuddled up with Luna on the sofa. Jemma smiled, tucking him in, stroking his curls off his forehead and turning the TV off, heading through to her room and slotting into Daisy’s arms, sighing contentedly as she curled up around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	38. I'm Here Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is definitely just a happy coincidence that im posting the new year chapter on new year's day. but uh, happy new year ig!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there are any CWs?? I may be wrong, pls tell me

“Morse?” Nat gasped as she opened the door to Bobbi Morse, standing in front of her, hazel eyes gleaming.

“Happy new year?” She said tentatively. She hadn’t seen any of the kids since her ‘wedding’ to Hunter, who was still not back from undercover. Of course, her and Ed talked when they could, and her and Nat had been on a few missions together, but she knew she was hardly reliable. Nat opened the door to let her in.

“Where the hell have you been? The kids have been asking about you and May like every week for the last year.” She asked exasperatedly, leading her through to the living room and flopping onto the couch. Bobbi tried not to laugh at Natasha referring to the kids as ‘the kids’. Her and Clint would tease her about it later.

“When did we last talk?” Bobbi checked. She’d been all over the place with E.C.H.O., an entire underground organisation revealing itself. They’d only found out it was Somodorov, The Red Room, a couple months ago.

“August, mission in Hungary together.” 

“The kids don’t know about Somodorov?” Nat shook her head.

“Super. We’ve been all over, strict capture not kill order. Haven’t been back to a base in forever.” She sighed, pulling off her shoes so she could cross her legs on the couch. Ever the lady, after all. 

“Any progress?” Nat asked anxiously. 

“I’m sorry.” Bobbi shook her head, “There’ve been murmurs about Asset 4, whatever that is, but we’ve only found two bases, completely wiped clean. We’re trying, Nat. You know, we really could use you.” Bobbi said gently. 

“I can’t do capture not kill, not with them. Call me when you find something and I can be there.”  _ Know your limits.  _ The original plan was for Nat to be involved every step of the way, but one step into a training facility and she already wanted to burn it to the ground. They’d call her back in when she could.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Bobbi said awkwardly. 

“So, why’re you here?” Nat asked, swiftly changing the subject.

“Well, I seem to remember having about 5 little sisters.” Bobbi frowned. 

“Six. Orlova.” Bobbi scrunched her nose.

“She’s sleeping with my sister, so like, sister in law, I guess?” Nat nodded.

“Well, I don’t hear wedding bells.” Nat pointed out.

“Speaking of, you heard from Hunter?” Bobbi asked. Nat shook her head.

“I’ve barely been on mission since I got here. Apparently I was ‘struggling to come to terms with my injury’. Shrink refused to clear me unless absolutely necessary. Anyway, Clint’s my supposed partner and all he wants to do now is teach the Ops kids to shoot. Fatherhood suits him, I guess. Eds gets on well with him.” Nat told her, noting how Bobbi looked away when Ed was mentioned. 

“Lila’s here now, right?” 

“Started 3 years ago.” Nat raised an eyebrow.

“God, I missed so much.” Bobbi buried her face in her hands. Her little sister was 20! Last time she’d seen her she was 17! 

“She missed you.” Nat said quietly. 

“I missed her.” Bobbi said bitterly. This was the longest they’d been apart since Ed was born. 

“She’ll be happy to see you, promise. So will May.” Nat said kindly.

“Yeah, May’s not here. She’ll be around tomorrow, gone to see Coulson tonight though.” Bobbi smirked.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, lady.” Nat exclaimed. Those were like… her parents. Not really, but the same sort of concept. Bobbi laughed.

“I didn't say anything!” She exclaimed, trying not to wither under Nat’s glare. Seriously, she might not have been in the field recently, but she was still the Black Widow.

“Sure. Anyway, it’s New Years Eve and your sister is 20, I think we can safely assume what she’s gonna be doing.”

“I don’t think so.” Bobbi shook her head, “After their friend died, I don’t know the details but one of the O’Connors had a drink problem. Killed Eds, obviously, but they might not be out yet.” Bobbi said, getting up. Her and Nat headed to C-Niner together, neither of them bothering to make small talk.

“Bobbi?” Ed gasped as she opened the door, Ava behind her, both of them wearing bathrobes. 

“Hey.” She said, looking at the floor. Ed threw her arms around Bobbi’s neck, desperately trying not to burst into tears. The year had been shit. Utter shit. She felt like she was holding herself together with sellotape that was bought 10 years ago and shoved in a drawer for a decade. 

“I missed you.” Ed all but sobbed, clinging to her for dear life.

“Missed you too, sestra.” Bobbi smiled tearfully, hugging Ed back. She’d grown up since she’d last seen her, she looked more like Bobbi now, mirroring the tired kind of confidence that they’d both started to carry in each other’s absence. 

“Where have you been?” Ed asked, pulling away and wiping her eyes. 

“Most recently, Ukraine.” Ava snapped at that. She looked at Natasha, who just shook her head. Not now.

“And for the last three years?” Ed pushed, slightly more coldly. 

“There’s been... a lot going on.” Bobbi sighed. 

“Talia, a word.” Ava said, dragging Nat through to her room.

“He’s back?” She seethed, fury boiling in her.

“No. He’s dead.” Nat lied.  _ We’re spies, we lie for a living. _

“Then what’s Bobbi been doing?” 

“Classified. Sorry sestra.” Nat shrugged.

“God, what is with you? You pretend to be some cool older sister, you’re still a liar.” That did it.

“Everything I’ve done since Odessa has been to protect  _ you.”  _ Nat half yelled.

“All you ever do is protect yourself, your secrets. You can have them, we all do, but what you can’t do is keep me in the dark. This is my  _ life,  _ Natalia. This is my  _ freedom _ . So, please be honest. Is Ivan alive?” Ava asked again. Nat looked down.

“Da.”

“Chernaya vdova?” (The black widow program?)

“I don’t know. I- I can’t be on the op, only E.C.H.O. know, and it’s all strictly classified.” Ava sighed, burying her head in her hands.

“The- the others, are they…” 

“Lena’s looking. We’ve tracked down a couple from my generation, all but five from yours.” Nat confirmed. 

“Where are they?” Ava asked numbly.

“Hidden.” Was all Nat offered her.

“Who haven’t you found?” Nat frowned.

“You’re sure you want to know?” Ava looked at her blankly. Nat didn’t see her behind her eyes, she cringed slightly at the blankness she grew used to after years of emptiness, at the lack of any empathy, or love.

“I killed four that day in Odessa. On his orders. Maria, Antoinette, Odette, Aleksandra. They’re the missing ones, da?” Ava asked. Nat sighed. 

“Yeah. You know where Nadezhda is?” Ava shook her head.

“How many others are alive?” She asked.

“Only Lena and two others from mine, ten from yours.” That’s seventeen dead girls. Seventeen girls who Ava knew, who she grew up with, who’s screams she still heard.

“He’s looking for us?” 

“I don’t know. Vashka, are you okay?” Nat asked gently, taking Ava’s hand in hers. Ava flinched slightly, but let her.

“I can’t do it. Not again, I can’t go back.” She said shakily, tears building up in her eyes. 

“You won’t. You’ve been kept from this for a reason, da? U menya yest' ty, sestrenka. on ne znayet, chto vy zhivy, vy byli spryatany ot S.H.I.E.L.D.. fayly. On ne mozhet nayti tebya, ya obeshchayu, ty v bezopasnosti.”

(I got you, little sister. He doesn't know you’re alive, you’ve been hidden from the S.H.I.E.L.D. files. He cannot find you, you are safe, I promise.) Nat said firmly, no idea what to do with the shaking girl before her. 

“YA boyus'.” (I’m scared) She admitted quietly, tearfully. 

“Znayu, golubushka, znayu.” (I know, darling, I know) Nat said softly, wrapping an arm around her. Ava leaned into her, her head resting on Natasha’s shoulder as she cried. Nat combed her fingers through Ava’s hair, letting a few tears fall herself as she felt her sob, little sparks of electricity flashing around the room. Ava wasn’t electrokinetic, but she could affect it, and channel it.

“He can’t find you here, ditya, you’re safe.” Nat said smoothly through her own tears. 

“Does Ed know?” She asked.

“E.C.H.O. had to keep her out of it. For your sake.” Normally, an asset like Ed would be used for an op like this, but Bobbi had kept her out of it. Nat wasn’t sure what would happen now Ava knew, whether Ed would become involved.

“She’ll be involved now?” Ava guessed. That was probably why Bobbi was here anyway, Ava thought.

“I don’t know.” Nat replied truthfully.

“You keep her safe, you understand me?” Ava said, suddenly fierce, “You keep her safe. Klyanus' bogom, Tasha, esli s ney chto-nibud' sluchitsya…” (I swear to God, Tasha, anything happens to her) Ava trailed off, breaking all over again at the thought of Ed being made into some  _ thing,  _ of her eyes being wiped, her brain taken over by  _ him _ .

“I promise. I can do it this time, I can protect you.”  _ Because I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. _

* * *

“Uh, what the hell was that?” Ed asked as they watched the Russians leave. 

“I… don’t know.” Bobbi said carefully, watching as Ava’s door closed.

“Ivan?” Ed guessed. Bobbi looked at her, utterly gobsmacked.

“God, stop being a better spy than me, Jesus.” Bobbi muttered. Ed smirked.

“I grew up with you, you’re gonna have to try harder than that. So what, he’s alive?” Ed pushed. Bobbi rolled her eyes.

“Classified.” Bobbi deadpanned, “Although you might wanna check if she’s okay.” Bobbi nodded to Ava’s room. Ed bit her lip anxiously.

“She’ll come to me when she’s ready. They get each other with that shit.” Ed decided. Bobbi tried not to have a mini crisis right there and then. When did she get so grown up? When did she get so mature, and when the hell did she get a tattoo?

“Uh, my darling sister, may I ask what the hell is that on your foot?” Bobbi asked smoothly, looking at the tiny tattoo on her ankle.

“Oh, right. Got it with the original 5, me, Jems, Dee, Bells and Ali. It’s the date we met.” Bobbi chuckled as she looked at it.

“Mom’s gonna kill you.” Bobbi warned.

“You haven’t called her in three years, got married without telling her and I’m willing to bet that you and Yo-yo have matching tattoos.” Ed recited, raising an eyebrow. Bobbi huffed.

“I won’t tell if you won’t.” She sighed.

“Spasiba!” Ed said happily, leading Bobbi through to the living room where everyone but Ava was waiting, everyone wearing matching bathrobes, scented candles lit around the room, Jemma painting Daisy’s nails very carefully whilst Bella and Ali sat with facemasks on.

“Bobbi!” Jemma gasped, looking up. Ali and Bella got up from the floor, Luna yowling in protest from Ali’s lap. They threw themselves around Bobbi as Ed had, Bobbi barely having time to hug back before Jemma and Daisy joined, wrapping themselves around her.

“Hey, Simmons.” Bobbi said shyly, slightly nervous to see them all again. Bella and Ali had grown up a huge amount since she’d seen them last, their faces both narrowing out, their jawlines and cheekbones stronger than they’d been before. Daisy looked so much happier since the last time Bobbi had seen her. Her eyes had found their old light, the soft flame returning that gave them such a light air. Jemma had changed the least, the closest to looking like the child she was when Bobbi met her.

“It’s been a rough couple of years.” One of the twins said, hugging Bobbi tighter.

“I can tell.” She said softly. She looked to Ed in question. She mouthed ‘Lincoln’ and Bobbi gasped. Of course. It had been news to her, told in passing. Ed had talked about it a little, but for the twins, God. She held them a little closer, kicking herself that she wasn’t here sooner.

“You’re here now.” Jemma said softly, as though reading her mind. Ali and Bella moved away, Daisy joining them back on the floor.

“Yeah. I’m here now.” Bobbi agreed, brushing Jemma’s hair out of her face, studying her for a minute.

“What?” She frowned.

“You’re all grown up.” Bobbi muttered.

“Yeah, that’ll happen if you disappear for three years.” Ed said flatly, taking her place next to Ali again.

“Sorry.” Bobbi said, looking down.

“Hey, Bob, my mom around?” Daisy asked.

“She’s coming tomorrow.” Bobbi nodded.

“Super.” Daisy mumbled. Bobbi sat next to Ed, forming a semi circle in the room.

“Nat’s here too, she’ll be through with Ace in a bit.” Ed told everyone, picking up her face mask and passing Bobbi one.

“I’m staying?” She asked.

“Well God Bob, you can’t just turn up for 5 minutes and rush off again.” Ed rolled her eyes.

“So, spa day is your guys’ version of New Years?” She asked, pulling it out of its sachet.

“Weren’t in the mood for the boiler room.” Ali shrugged. Jemma didn’t like it there, Ed thought it was too loud, and the twins had a pact not to drink, meaning that the only people who could actually enjoy it were Daisy and Ava. 

“Neat.” Bobbi said. Nat and Ava came back through a while later, causing everyone to switch positions so Bobbi and Nat could sit together and Ed and Ava could.

“You’re okay, golubushka?” Ed asked softly as Ava settled in her lap.

“Cuddles are in order.” Ava just said, pulling Ed’s arms around her waist.

“Yes ma’am.” Ed teased, making Ava squirm.

“It’s weird,  _ you _ calling  _ me _ that.” She fidgeted.

“Sorry, sweetie.” Ed said quietly. Ava relaxed back into her, letting Ed take one of her hands to paint her nails.

“What’s the plan for tonight?” Nat asked as Bobbi passed her a face mask and gave her a ‘ _ please, Nat _ ’, look.

“We already ate, but there’s left over Chinese in the microwave. We’re watching The L Word, then we’ll toast lemonade to 2022 and go to bed.” Jemma said. 

“Alrighty.” Nat nodded, grabbing some pink nail polish for her toes. She liked the kids, she loved Bobbi, this was good. They were soft, the girls chattering quietly, Bobbi’s presence comforting. Nat kept half an eye on Ava all night, looking for signs that she was going to bolt. She seemed okay with Ed, comfortable enough to let her hold her. 

  
At midnight they all toasted to The New Year, Daisy declaring that it would be better than the shit show of 2018-2021 or she’d throw a fit. As promised, Jemma and Daisy headed to bed shortly after midnight, Jemma hugging Bobbi once more before bed. She was the one who brought her into S.H.I.E.L.D., she was their collective older sister, she’d missed her.

Ali and Bella turned in next, going their separate ways, although Nat could hear that neither of them were sleeping, She let them go, she didn’t know them as well as the Morses, or Ava or Daisy.

Soon, it was just Ava, Ed, Bobbi and Nat left. They all stood up at the same time.

“Look after each other.” Nat said, letting Ava hug her.

“We will.” Ed promised, giving her  _ A Look. _ Nat knew they’d talk tomorrow.

“I’ll see you for training tomorrow morning.” Bobbi told Ed, hugging her.

“Don’t you dare disappear overnight.” Ed warned.

“I won’t, I promise.” Bobbi said.

“Happy new year, sestry.” Nat smiled, leaving with Bobbi.

“Orlova’s okay?” Bobbi checked as they left.

“She will be.” Nat said firmly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	39. Growing Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> powers n shit idfk

"Orlova, May, with me." Hill beckoned, entering the gym as Daisy and Ava were stepping off the mat.

"Is everything okay?" Daisy asked, immediately assuming the worst.

"Your parents are fine, this is... school stuff." Maria said, gesturing vaguely. They entered her office, where Kamala and Mac were waiting, as well as Joey from Daisy's enhanced class, two kids who looked like they could be brother and sister, and a Latino boy.

"So, enhanced task force?" Daisy asked, surveying the group.

"No one likes a smart ass, May, but yeah." Hill nodded.

"You wouldn't be active assets, it's essentially a break glass in case of emergency. Extra training, specialized for your... abilities." Robbie shook his head.

"This compulsory?" Maria sighed. She'd been told to expect this. Robbie Reyes; a wildcard at best, dangerous at worst. This team was supposed to straighten him out.

"No, but it's recommended. It'll look good on your record, as well as give you a boost in your futures at S.H.I.E.L.D." Hill explained. 

"No missions, right?" Daisy checked.

"Not for you." Hill promised. Daisy had passed her last psych evaluation, according to her file. She could be cleared for missions, if absolutely necessary, but she knew May and Coulson would never forgive her.

"The rest of us?" Ava asked roughly.

"Not you either. The only one of you cleared for field work is Chavez." Maria nodded to America. Ava wasn't even allowed off base anymore, not with the reappearance of The Red Room.

"So, what does this entail?" Wanda asked from next to Pietro. Daisy listened to her accent, unable to quite place it.

"This team would train instead of your usual enhanced classes. It's more an advanced placement program than anything, just with superpowers thrown in the mix." Maria smirked. 

"Speaking of, what are everyone's powers?" Kamala asked. She knew Mac had superspeed, superstrength, and could literally tear apart the fabric of reality, and that Daisy was Quake. She'd heard about Ava's powers but never actually seen them. The others, however, she'd never even met.

"Not right now, May." Hill sighed as she saw Daisy lift her hands to quake something.

"You'll all have plenty of opportunities to share tomorrow. So, you're all in?" She asked, surveying the slightly ragtag group of teens. The oldest was America, she was twenty. The youngest were the twins, both of them only seventeen. Everyone else fell somewhere in between. 

"I'm in." Kamala said immediately. She nudged Mac, who exchanged a brief look with Daisy before nodding.

"Me too." Daisy added. Ava followed her. The twins agreed in soft voices, which just left Robbie and Joey.

"Boys?" Hill asked.

"I'm in." Joey agreed. 

"You know I'm not exactly a team player." Robbie raised an eyebrow at Hill.

"I assure you, Mr. Reyes, everyone here is more than competent."

"Fine. I'm in." Robbie said reluctantly.

Daisy and Ava left together, waiting for America and Kamala at the bottom of the stairs.

"What do you think?" Ava asked as they joined them. 

"I think that S.H.I.E.L.D. are getting pretty desperate if they're training teenagers to fight their battles." America said. Daisy frowned.

"Isn't that like, the entire point of The Academy?"

"This is different." America shook her head. The Academy was to train agents, this was just building an army, or rather, cultivating 8 teens as powerful as one.

"Yeah." Kamala agreed. Ava changed the subject, not awfully keen to talk about child soldiers.

"Do you know the others' powers?" She asked as they headed towards Carter, the block of buildings where their corridors were.

"I know the Maximoffs. Wanda's sweet, but really powerful. She's telepathic, telekinetic, pretty sure she's clairvoyant and she can control your mind. Oh, and the waking nightmares, those are super fun." America finished, grinning at the horrified expressions of the other three.

"The boy?" Daisy prompted. 

"Pietro. He's speedy. Speedier than me." America said slightly bitterly. She had super strength, super speed, and could jump through dimensions (although had been forbidden to do so).

"Oh dear, Mac, feeling threatened?" Kamala teased.

"By a boy? Never." America said fiercely.

"I know Robbie." Ava offered. Daisy looked at her in surprise.

"Well, I've seen him train. His head lights on fire, pretty sure he's pyrokinetic as well." Ava said casually.

"So one of them can read minds, one of them is speedy, and one is literally possessed?" Daisy said incredulously.

"Yup." America said, popping the p.

"Super." Daisy muttered.

“Nervous?” Daisy asked Ava as they left C-Niner, both of them in their proper suits, Ava twirling her batons nervously. Ava wore red lace up knee high boots, white trousers, and a white jacket with her crossed hourglass in red on the chest. She had her favourite sabres, the ones the twins had made her for Christmas.

“I don’t know. I’m not as powerful as the rest of you guys.” Ava shrugged. Lincoln would’ve been the obvious choice, solid, predictable, S.H.I.E.L.D. trained, powerful. Ava wasn’t, her powers were faulty at best, she was trained by the KGB and was about as predictable as Natasha herself.

“You’re amazing, Ace. Seriously, you’ll do great.” Daisy smiled. She was wearing her tac gear as well, the black knee high boots, black trousers, black jacket. She was even wearing her gauntlets, something she only did if she expected she’d need to be more fine tuned. 

“Thanks.” Ava smiled. America and Kamala joined them on the way, Kamala suited up in her one piece, what Kate called her ‘warrior goddess costume’. America was wearing her usual training gear, none of the Sci-Tech kids had quite been able to figure out what was up with her anatomy yet, so she was allowed to wear her high waisted black leggings, cropped blue hoodie and sleeveless denim jacket. 

“I hate wearing this.” Ava grumbled as they entered the training building. 

“It’s kinda fun though, getting all suited up?” Kamala said, feeling cool in her suit.

“It’s alright for you, yours is cool. Mine is der’mo.” Ava said grumpily. 

“I like mine. I’ll take my jacket off later, it doesn’t exactly allow for movement.” Daisy said, scrunching her face as she stretched her arms out.

“Wow, didn’t know your life goal was to kill all lesbians.” America smirked. Daisy whacked her arms, shaking her head.

“Didn’t know yours was to flirt with everything that moves. What would Katie say?” America laughed.

“Katie would’ve beat me to it.” 

“Alright, keep it in your pants.” Kamala said, exchanging a look with Ava.

“Yas ma’am.” Daisy said teasingly, but they stopped all the same.

When they arrived in the training room the Maximoff twins were already there, Robbie came in shortly after them with Joey, both of them talking in elated Spanish. 

“Right, kids, I’m not your trainer, don’t worry, just here to introduce Ms Hannigan.” Hill walked in, a blonde woman following behind. 

“You have powers?” Robbi asked.

“No, but I assure you, I have plenty of experience with enhanced people.” Daisy shot a look at Hill, who held up a hand to stop her. She knew exactly what Daisy would say, she’d ask her why the hell someone without powers would be overseeing her training. In truth, Hill agreed with her, unfortunately, powers above her had decided Hannigan was the best woman for the job.

“What kind of experience?” America asked, narrowing her eyes.

“I was an inhuman trainer after Hydra for S.H.I.E.L.D., after the Terrigen wave hit my expertise were sought after.” She said. Daisy immediately didn’t like her.

“What about people who aren’t inhuman? Only me, Joey and Daisy are.” Kamala asked. Daisy smirked slightly at Hill, who already looked tired. 

“I assure you, when it comes to powered people, I’m the best person for the job.” She said placidly.

“Why? I mean, you’re not powered, you only have experience with inhumans, you’re a scientist?” America guessed. Wanda and Pietro looked at Hannigan with the same kind of fear as Ava. None of them exactly had great experience with scientists when it came to their powers.

“Not a scientist. Look, kids, I promise I will try my best for you guys.” She said sincerely. No one reacted very well to that. Daisy had to stifle a laugh, Ava buried her face in her hands, the twins just giggled quietly, Robbie outright smirked. Daisy looked at Maria again, just raising an eyebrow ‘ _ this is the best you could do’.  _ Maria sighed. She wasn’t paid enough for this, and definitely wasn’t trained to deal with teenagers who were too cocky for their own good.

“Hannigan, with me.” Maria gestured, leading her to her office. They could always find another supervisor for them, the important thing for now was the kids bonding. She thought Hand would be best suited for the job, unfortunately she was both busy with the Somodorov op, and far overqualified for a group of teens. Maybe when they were proper agents, but for now, Maria would have to find another enhanced agent who was patient enough to train kids, but powerful enough to be respected. It was harder than it sounds.

“So, she was kinda pathetic.” America said as they left.

“Yeah. Honestly, don’t know how they were expecting us to react to that.” Daisy said.

“Whilst we’re here we may as well share.” Kamala said, nodding towards the training room. There were buckets of water around the edges, and the roof looked like it could open up. Other than that it looked like a normal gym.

“Go on then, Kams.” America nodded. Kamala smiled, stretching herself so her legs were massive, walking to the sprung floor in one quick step.

“Woah. How’s your combat?” Ava asked, following Kamala onto the floor.

“Not great. What’s your power?” Kamala asked, shrinking back to her normal size.

“I can’t control it other than through my sabres. I can channel electricity through stuff, I think. Like I can’t harness it like Campbell could, but I could give you an electric shock just by touching you. If I could actually control the damn things.” She explained, pulling her sabres out and lighting them up.

“She’s like a Jedi.” Joey mumbled. 

“I know, right!” Daisy exclaimed. She’d been trying to get Ava to see it for forever. “So cool.” Daisy muttered as she watched Ava and Kamala spar, both of them trying to figure out how the other worked. 

“Right, so we know what they can do, what about you?” Daisy asked, nudging Joey. Kamala nudged Ava, getting her to stop.

“I’m bulletproof. And I can bend metal. It’s kinda cool, I guess, nowhere near as powerful as you guys though.” He shrugged.

“Don’t sell yourself short.” Robbie chastised him.

“Your head literally sets on fire.” Joey said, gesturing to Robbie.

“Go on.” America nodded.

“Fine. But be careful.” Robbie warned. The Rider hadn’t reacted to any of them so far, although he’d had a strange feeling when it came to Daisy, Ava and America. The Rider knew they’d killed, but he didn’t seem vengeful, and Robbie didn’t really want to hear why.

“We will try our hardness not to piss off the demon in your brain, Reyes.” Daisy said.

“That’s all I ask.” He smirked, as his entire head transformed into a flaming skull. 

“Woah.” Kamala muttered.

“I know.” Wanda said. That was the first thing Daisy had heard her say since she got here.

“I could take him.” Daisy and America said at the same time, fistbumping as they nodded at each other. 

“So confrontational.” Ava shook her head. Robbie transformed back into his usual self.

“I prefer you like this, much prettier.” Pietro said from next to Wanda.

“You’re not so bad yourself, blondie.” Robbie grinned, raising an eyebrow.

“You can’t really see my thing, I’m just speedy.” America scowled at him.

“What about you, Wanda?” Daisy asked. Wanda looked like a deer in the headlights.

“It’s okay, you can show them.” Pietro nudged. 

“I can do a lot.” Wanda said softly, “I can fly, kind of. It’s to do with energy manipulation. My main thing is telepathy, mind control, reality manipulation. I’m telekinetic as well.” She added as though it was an afterthought. 

“Show me.” Daisy said instantly. Wanda shook her head.

“You don’t want me in your mind.” She protested. 

“I trust you.” Daisy said, offering Wanda her hand. Wanda took it tentatively.

“Anything you want me to avoid?” She asked, Daisy finally pinpointing her accent as Sokovian.

“Postrily.” (Gunshots) Daisy decided after a moment. That covered most of it, she thought. 

“Harazd.” (Ok.) Wanda nodded. She looked to Pietro nervously before closing her eyes, searching through Daisy’s mind until she found a memory.

_ Daisy looked up when she heard the door open.  _

_ “Daisy?” Jemma gasped.  _

_ “Bobbi said you’d be coming but I didn’t know if it was actually you or not. I thought I’d never see you again.” Daisy told her as she hugged Jemma. She felt her slowly moving to hug her back. Daisy held her for a second and slowly let go.  _

_ ‘You see, romashka?’ A voice asked. Wanda swam into Daisy’s vision, looking nervous. Daisy nodded. _

_ “Who is she?” Wanda asked. _

_ “Jemma.” Daisy said softly, reaching out to touch her where she was frozen in place. This was their reunion, their first day at S.H.I.E.L.D..  _

_ “She looks so young.” Daisy said, trying not to cry. _

_ “You want me to stop?” Wanda asked. Daisy nodded. _

“Woah.” Daisy gasped as she opened her eyes. Ava looked at her, concerned. This was the first time she’d seen Daisy like this, not scared, but in awe.

“I’m sorry.” Wanda apologised quickly.

“No, that was… just, woah.” Daisy said, lifting a hand to wipe a tear away before it fell. They were kids back then, they had no idea what was to come, what they would mean to each other. Jemma had become her whole world, the center of her universe. 

“What did you see?” Ava asked, offering Daisy a hand. Daisy took it gratefully, glad for something to ground her.

“It was my first day at the prep, meeting Jems again.” She said. 

“So what, you can wander through people’s minds?” America asked, everyone looking at Wanda in awe.

“Pretty much. I have to be touching them first, though. Took me a while to harness it so it didn’t immediately jump to their worst memory though, or a weird dream world.” Wanda said, blushing at the attention.

“Neat.” America said. Ava stayed silent. Wanda was basically her worst nightmare come true, someone being able to see everything she’d seen, everything she’d done. 

“So, I showed you mine, you show me yours.” Wanda asked Daisy, clearing her throat. 

“It’s uh, easier in a sparring context. Mac?” America nodded, headed to the mat and preparing herself, fists raised. Daisy pulled her jacket off, leaving her with a sports bra, her trousers and boots, figuring she probably wouldn’t need the gauntlets.

Daisy made the first move, going for a punch to the head. Mac took advantage of her open spot, grabbing her elbow and twisting it, almost throwing Daisy off balance. Right, the super strength. Daisy brought her other arm up to elbow her, causing America to let go of her elbow and kick, sending Daisy flying. She caught herself midair, vibrating the particles around her to hold herself up, launching from where she was suspended in the air down on America, mixing a quake with an upwards punch to try and throw her. It didn’t work, America jumped into a back tuck, landing with a heavy thud. Daisy tried hand to hand again, but America dodged her hits, using her superspeed to scurry under Daisy's arm, grabbing it and trying to flip her. Daisy quaked her off, actually sending her flying this time. America landed gracefully, floating down as though she was standing on air.

“Bloody aliens.” Daisy muttered. Actually being able to fly had to be an unfair advantage, right?

“So you can both fly, you have super strength and speed, and you can watch, manipulate particles?” Joey asked. 

“Something like that, yeah.” Daisy nodded. 

“Can you control water?” Robbie asked.

“To an extent, sure.” Daisy nodded, lifting a small fountain out of one of the buckets for effect. 

“Nice.” Robbie nodded approvingly.

* * *

“How was it?” Jemma asked Daisy as she entered their room that night.

“I saw us. When we were kids, I mean. Remember when we met for the first time at the prep?” Daisy asked, sitting next to Jemma. She nodded.

“There’s a telepath, some neuroelectric interface whatever stuff, she showed me us.” Jemma took a hand up to play with Daisy’s hair.

“You’re okay?” She asked sympathetically, twirling a strand of her ponytail around her finger/

“We were kids, Jems. What happened?” Jemma shrugged.

“We grew up.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pahahahah funny story, so my mother got diagnosed with cancer so uh, updates might not be daily soz lol


	40. The Other Shoe Drops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed goes on a mission with E.C.H.O.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk about the CWs for this, maybe grief?

"I got a call from Bobbi. They want me in the field, they got a lead on Somodorov, need someone like me." Ed told Ava as she entered their room quietly. Ava's gaze shot up, panic striking her eyes.

"I won't go if you don't want me to." Ed promised, sitting next to her on their bed.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you." Ava said softly, cupping Ed's cheek as she inspected every inch of her face, memorizing her, her power, her beauty.

"Bob wouldn't call me if it was super dangerous. They're probably just short of people." Ed soothed her, practically feeling her anxiety rise.

"I know. Y- You can go, just please, golubushka, be careful. He's more powerful than you know." Ava said nervously, dropping her hand to wring her fingers together nervously.

"I know. I promise, I'll come back to you." Ed said with a slight smile, picking up her tac gear as she left.

"Dee, um, wǒ zhèng zài hé nǐ māmā de S.T.R.I.K.E. Yīqǐ zhí xíng rén bù. Qiú duì. Jiǎndān de rèn ù, bǎojiālìyǎ de zuo zhan xing dòng, yóu 7 rén zǔchéng de xiǎozǔ, quèdìngle tíqǔ jìhuà.” (I'm going on a mission with your mom's S.T.R.I.K.E. team. Simple mission, combat op in Bulgaria, 7 person team, extraction plan confirmed.) She said quickly, grabbing Daisy's hand, 

"Zhè shì yī wàn de jīdì zhī yī, dí. Qǐng zhao gù hǎo Ava.” (It's one of Ivan's bases, Dee. Take care of Ava, please.) She finished. Daisy nodded.

"Gào Sù wǒ māmā wǒ dǎ gè zhāohū. Bǎochí ānquán, āi dé sī.” (Tell my mom I say hi. And stay safe, Eds.) Daisy said with a slight smile.

"Spasiba Daisy." Ed said brightly, heading through to Ava's old room, which had become what was essentially an armory/ shared closet. She pulled off her stuff from training, slipping into her one piece. It matched Bobbi's in most ways, although hers had blue straps rather than black ones. She strapped a knife to each arm, sheathed Riptide in her utility belt, got a gun for her holster, tied her hair up and headed out, grabbing a tangle toy from their bowl of stim toys at the front door for good measure. Ava stopped her by the door.

"Ostavaysya v bezopasnosti, dorogaya” (Stay safe, darling.) She said lightly, pressing a necklace with a ring on it into Ed's palm.

"Chto eto?” (What's this?) she asked, inspecting it. It was a long chain, with a plain ring hanging on the bottom.

"Obereg udachi. Koltso bylo papinoy, podaril mne pered ot"yezdom v Moskvu. Nazovi menya suyevernym.” (Good luck charm. Ring was my dad's, gave it to me before he left for Moscow. Call me superstitious.) She shrugged. Ed grinned, slipping it around her neck.

"Spasiba, moy alyy." She smiled, kissing Ava once more before she left.

She wrangled with her tangle as she walked, her brain running away with her.

This was the first mission she'd been called on in a couple years. Since Bobbi's mysterious silence, in fact. Now, though, she knew, she knew about Ivan, and she swore if she ever met the bastard she'd shoot him square between the eyes- for Ava, and Nat, and all the little girls who'd never get to grow up because of what he did.

As promised, Bobbi was waiting for her in a field, Quinjet behind her. She beamed as Ed approached, all suited up in her S.H.I.E.L.D. tack suit, sword sheathed at her side. She took note of the fidget toy, not overly concerned about it. 

"Hey, Eds." She grinned as Ed hugged her.

"Told you I wouldn't be a stranger." She smiled.

"Right. I'm sure that taking me out of school to go shoot people is right up there above duvet days on the sisterly bonding checklist." Ed smirked.

"What can I say? You're the best The Academy's seen since my day." Ed frowned.

"'Your day' was like 7 years ago." She said with a raised eyebrow as she followed Bobbi onto the Quinjet.

"We needed Skylark." Was all Bobbi said as they walked up the ramp. Ed rolled her eyes at the codename.

"Hey, girl." Trip grinned as Ed hugged him. 

"Haven't seen you in a hot second." Ed frowned at him.

"Sorry little Morse, been busy tracking down Russian mobsters n squids, you know how it goes." He said with a slight smile, moving so May could introduce the others. 

"Morse, this is Mack, Rodriguez, and Palamas." May said quickly, nodding to each of them in turn.

"Hey, niña." Elena smiled at her.

"Ha sido un tiempo, Yo-yo." (It’s been a while, Yo-yo) She teased, shaking Elena's hand playfully.

"Hey." Mack nodded slightly awkwardly.

"Don't tell May, but the real objective for today is to get you a nickname." He stage whispered, looking to May.

"Don't worry, I don't think she's a snitch." Kara piped up.

" Jiǔ sì " Ed nodded.

"Make yourselves comfortable, mission briefing in 10." May announced, climbing through to the cockpit. Ed took a seat between Bobbi and Trip, the two on them looking at her protectively. They'd had a couple Ops kids join missions, mostly from the fourth and fifth years. Ed was differently though, with her their responsibility to protect ran further than the S.H.I.E.L.D. symbol.

"Hey, any word from Hunter yet?" Ed suddenly asked, her mind wandering.

"He's the mission. Or he's the one who called us in. You'll hear more at the briefing." Bobbi promised. Ed raised her eyebrows. So, this really was personal for Bobbi. Her sister and husband (?) involved in the same mission.

"You'll see him soon." Mack nodded at the sisters. It was weird, how alike they were. They even shared mannerisms, the same inflections and little gestures. Ed really was a younger version of Bobbi, as though she was something to remind them all of their pasts, themselves, their families. A reminder of what they were fighting for. May took off, E.C.H.O. and Ed chattering in the back until she came back through for their briefing.

“Alright, Mack, Palamas, you’re quarterbacking from the base over there. Morse, Morse, you’re going in together, your aim is to find Hunter, and wipe any of their computers, upload the files onto these USBs.” She handed them two small sticks, “Triplett, Rodriguez, you’re gonna be looking for these.” May said, passing them a tablet. 

“084s?” Trip asked, looking up to May.

“No, just boring.” Ed peered over his shoulder. All she could see was some files, hard copies with long numbers on them.

“You’ll be undercover, or as undercover as an op like this calls for. Morse, you will infiltrate underground, enter through tunnels below. Hunter’s supposed to meet you at the entrance, but we haven’t heard from him in a while.” Trip handed the tablet back.

“This is a combat op, you’ll be given your gear when we get to Bulgaria, you’ll all be on comms. You won’t need the tac suits, or the sword.” She nodded to Ed and Bobbi, both of them dressed in their field gear, both of whom looked slightly disappointed.

“Oh, and do you guys speak Bulgarian?” She asked Trip, Yo-yo, Ed and Bobbi.

“Da.” Ed and Bobbi both said. 

“Dostatŭchno.” (Enough) Trip said.

“No.” Yoyo admitted.

“We need you for this op, your powers, Trip, the talking’s on you, Yo-yo, we’ll translate over comms.” May told them.

“Thank you.” Yo-yo nodded.

“You have powers?” Ed asked her.

“Yeah, I’m speedy.” She grinned.

“Neat. Oh, uh, May, Daisy says hi.” Ed said, her mind on powers, jumping to Daisy.

“Thanks.” May said with a brief smile. It had been a while.

“Where are we actually going, military base, Ivan’s base, Hydra base?” Trip asked.

“All of the above.” May said dryly, “Ivan’s with Hydra, posing as military. Hunter’s been there for a year, gathering intel, making connections. He’s got enough, and it’s getting dangerous having him out there.”

“What’re we gonna find there?” Bobbi asked, not wanting to scare Ed away when they got there. It was best to know what to expect with these things.

“Trip and Yo-yo will be mostly on the upper layers, posing as soldiers. You guys will find paperwork, stuff like that. You two,” May pointed at Ed and Bobbi, “You’ll be underground. According to Hunter, that’s where the human experimentation goes on, there’ll be labs, but you shouldn’t run into any subjects or scientists. You’re gonna be wearing glasses so Mack and Kara can see what you’re up to, gathering intel. According to Hunter, it’s the most secure part of the base, all the files for the experiments are kept down there.” Trip frowned at that.

“What’re we there for then?” He asked.

“You’re retrieving files about Hydra and Somodorov’s bases around the globe, their missions, their agents, assets, any intel they have on S.H.I.E.L.D. or other agencies.” 

“Wouldn’t it make more sense to have the little one upstairs, and the actual agents downstairs with the dangerous stuff?” Kara asked, nodding to Ed.

“ Nie nazywaj mnie maleńką. ” Ed huffed, making Bobbi smirk.  _ Don’t call me little one. _

“Trip’s the charisma, Yo-yo’s the thief. We need them upstairs. Morse would quarterback, but I seem to remember you getting stabbed in the leg.” May explained, raising an eyebrow at Kara.

“What about Mack?” 

“We need to be overlooked, to blend in. A 6’5” black guy in a Bulgarian base is hardly subtle, no offence Mack.” Ed pointed out, making everyone turn to look at her.

“None taken, Dee.” He grinned. 

“Two tall blonde women, they’ll either overlook us because we’re not men, or just check us out.” She continued. 

“I like her, can we keep her?” Trip asked May, who gave him a mom look usually reserved for Daisy.

“She’s right.” May said, a hint of pride in her voice. She’d known Ed since she was 13, here she was, 20 years old and already lecturing her own agents in their craft. 

“You’re gonna be great.” Mack practically beamed at Ed.

“Thanks.” She smiled, her hands back at their tangle toy. 

They landed at the S.H.I.E.L.D. base in Bulgaria a little after 9pm, Ed realising that they’d been flying for 8 hours. She’d spaced out when they’d started flying over Europe, sitting on the floor of the Quinjet with music playing over her headphones, the others playing cards, Bobbi telling them to leave her alone. She lost herself in her head for a little while, letting her mind walk away with her, taking her on a journey through her subconscious, about 3 different songs playing on loop somewhere in her head. Ah, to have ADHD. 

She’d said her goodbyes to Ava and her friends in her head, just in case. She didn't know if she could ever get used to this, not knowing if she’d be going home. She knew it was unlikely, of course, that none of the others would let anything happen to her, but she couldn’t help it. 

When Bobbi had been gone all Ed had to hold onto was a weekly phone call, and a panic attack if the phone ran more than twice without being answered. She never wanted to do that, never wanted to leave people she loved wondering if they’d see her again, only able to cling onto what they'd last said to her. She’d learnt that from Bella, from Daisy, from hearing them talk about Lincoln after he’d died. For Bella, his last words had been an unfinished sentence, a broken promise. For Daisy, she couldn’t even remember. She didn’t want to be Lincoln. 

“K, sestra, time to go.” Bobbi sighed, getting up and offering Ed a hand. She didn’t take it.

“What’s the timeframe?” She asked May as she rushed up to her. May turned to look at her.

“We go in at 2200 hours, extraction is at 0200.” 

“Super. And we’re using NATO?” She asked, not picking up on the hint of annoyance in May’s stance.

“Always NATO.” May nodded.

“And military time?” 

“Yup.” She said, not stopping to so much as look up anymore, entering the code for the door and scanning her S.H.I.E.L.D. ID. Ed copied her, hurrying in after. Bobbi followed behind her, everyone else trailing in like ducklings (apart from Bobbi. Bobbi was not a duckling, she was a highly trained spy, thank you).

“May.” An agent nodded as they passed. 

“We’re in room 506, you guys need to head down to the armoury to get your stuff, you two are with me.” She said, gesturing for Mack and Kara to follow her.

“Is she annoyed at me?” Ed asked Bobbi as she led her down a long corridor, following the signs.

“Don’t worry, she’s always like this before missions. It’s like she switches her mama bear persona for her cavalry persona.” Yo-yo said, smiling at Ed.

“Ed’s never seen The Cavalry.” Bobbi grinned.

“Yeah, I’ve only ever seen ‘mama bear’.” Ed nodded.

“Lucky. The Cavalry's scary.” Trip grinned from next to her.

“Yeah, Daisy’s called The Cavalry sometimes, that’s pretty scary.” Ed agreed. 

“I thought she was Quake.” Trip frowned. Ed shrugged.

“She can do both. Either way, she’s a poptart really.” Yo-yo laughed.

“Quake?” The other three looked at her.

“You’ve never seen her cuddled up with Simmons on a couch.”

“Or holding her cat like a baby.”

“Or as a literal 11 year old.” They said in turn.

“I’ve only ever met her at your wedding.” Yo-yo admitted, opening the door to the armory. Ed gasped. There were guns. So many guns.

“We’ve been assigned clothes which you’ll have to wear, but you can keep your weapons as long as you conceal them.” Bobbi told her, grabbing a parcel labelled ‘B. Morse’. Ed copied her, taking ‘E. Morse’, as Trip and Elena took theirs.

“What weapons do you have?” Trip asked, peering over Ed’s shoulder.

“Just been given an ICER.” She frowned.

“Same.” Bobbi nodded. 

“We have ICERs, and daggers.” Trip said, checking the equipment list on his own. 

“We’ll go get changed.” Bobbi told Trip, leading Elena and Ed to the ladies’ room. Ed practically collapsed into a cubicle, setting her parcel on the floor as she leaned her head against her hands. This was real. This was happening. 

She never used to have a problem on missions, so what the hell was wrong with her? The weapons, the outfits, how casual everyone else seemed. It seemed so wrong, so strange, so foreign. Maybe she was out of practice, maybe she just wasn’t good enough.

“Eds? You okay?” Bobbi’s voice snapped her back to reality.

“Uh, da, day mne minutu.” (Uh, yeah, give me a minute) She replied, snapping herself back to the ground, tearing open her parcel where a pair of black trousers, a lab coat and a white shirt waited for her, as well as a pair of boots were waiting, as well an ICER.

“Bobbi?” She called.

“Da?”

“YA dolzhen nosit' obuv'?” (Do I have to wear the shoes?) She asked, feeling slightly embarrassed. Bobbi laughed a little.

“Net.” She confirmed. Ed sighed, pulling off her tactical gear, but leaving all her knives strapped to her, as well as tucking her ICER into her waistband. She redid her hair, picking up Riptide slightly sadly as she left. Bobbi was wearing the exact same thing when she came out, but Elena had a suit on.

“I miss my batons.” Bobbi pouted.

“I miss my sword.” Ed replied, gesturing to where it was sitting on top of her tac suit in a little heap.

“You still have your knives?” Bobbi checked.

“What do you take me for?” Ed shook her head as she pulled her sleeve up, revealing a knife strapped to her arm.

“I assume there are more?”

“Of course.”

“That’s my girl.” Bobbi said proudly. They headed to comms next, where May, Mack and Kara gave them their glasses as well as their comms, the others giving them their stuff to look after.

“Nervous?” Elena asked as the four of them headed up to the exit.

“Never.” Ed lied smoothly. She was terrified. Absolutely convinced she was going to die, that she’d never see Ava again, that the last thing she’d ever say to her would be ‘spasiba, moy alyy’. 

“Come on, girl.” Trip shook his head at Yo-yo. They split up once they left the base, Trip and Yo-yo heading in through the front door, Ed and Bobbi working their way down through the sewers, both of them taking their coats off, grateful for their boots.

“You’re not talking.” Bobbi pointed out as they worked their way up the pipe to where Hunter was supposed to open it and let them in.

“No.” Ed agreed.

“Usually before stuff like this you info dump and bounce off the walls.” Bobbi said.

“Yeah.” Ed agreed.

“Are you okay?” Bobbi cut to the chase.

“I-” Ed sighed. “It’s been a rough year.” She settled with.

“So I’ve heard.” Bobbi replied, stopping as they met the end of the tunnel. “We’ll be fine.” Bobbi promised with a brief smile.

“I know.” Ed said, but it didn’t ease the tight feeling in her chest, the feeling of years of responsibility and watching her friends suffer and compartmentalization rising in the presence of Bobbi. She pushed it down, sighing heavily.

“Morse, Hunter’s on his way.” Mack said over comms.

“Thanks, Mack.” Bobbi said, moving a little so Hunter would be able to open the end of the pipe. It would lead them through to the basement, so they could find their way up to the labs from there. Sure enough, there he was, Bobbi grinning as she laid eyes on him for the first time in years.

“Milady.” He said as he gave her a hand, kissing her firmly, making Ed grimace.

“Missed you.” She mumbled, cupping his cheek.

“Missed you too, love. See you bought the little one.” He nodded to Ed.

“Seriously, I’m the tallest one here.” Ed sighed.

“Bloody hell, you’re not an agent, are you?” He asked.

“No. I’m literally 20, Hunter.” Ed rolled her eyes, closing the door that her and Bobbi entered through.

“No guards?” Bobbi asked, pulling away from him. He just nodded to the corner where there was a heap of bodies.

“Ah.” Bobbi nodded.

“This is all very sweet, but you do have a job to do.” Kara said over comms.

“Right, sorry.” Ed said, gesturing for them to move on. Bobbi passed Hunter his comms before following her, smiling as she heard men cursing in Bulgarian. There were only two at the door at the top of the stairs, Ed having caught them by surprise, they were both unconscious on the floor.

“Bloody hell, you’re both terrifying.” Hunter mumbled.

“You love it.” Bobbi rolled her eyes at him, hand on her ICER as she followed Mack’s directions to the lab. 

“So, what’s the deal here?” Ed asked Hunter.

“First time I’ve been down here. This is the shady area, only the big guys and scientists down here, hence the uh,” He gestured to the long coat he was wearing. Bulgarian military uniform, high ranking officer. Ed figured he must’ve stolen it.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. thinks this is where human experimentation is, all the data as well.” Ed told him, stopping him from rounding the corner. Bobbi looked at her in question.

“Two guards. I can hear them. ADHD.” She explained, before rounding the corner with Bobbi, both of them icing a guard.

“Again, can we keep her?” She heard Mack ask May over comms.

“Shush.” May hushed him, smiling to herself. She really was an excellent asset, she’d make a great agent.

“K, we’re at the lab.” Bobbi told Mack over comms.

“We have eyes on you, bird.” May nodded. Bobbi pulled out a USB and plugged it into a computer. Ed copied her, allowing them both access to their computers’ files. 

“What am I supposed to do?” Hunter asked as they both pulled out chairs.

“You play lookout.” Bobbi ordered, nodding him towards the door.

“Just want me out the way.” He grumbled, going to lean against the doorframe.

Ed’s heart hammered against her chest as the desktop opened, files popping up instantly. She transferred them all to the USB, flicking through them when one caught her attention.

No, it couldn’t be. That was impossible. He was  _ dead _ .

Lincoln was looking straight at her, not looking any older than he was when he died.

“Morse? Something wrong?” May asked over comms. She’d been staring at one file for 30 seconds.

“Y-you’re seeing this?” She asked shakily. Bobbi looked up from the second computer.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, rushing over to Ed.

“He’s dead.” Ed said, looking to her as she gestured to the computer. Asset 4. That’s what he was called. Bobbi moved her aside, scrolling through the file. 

ЛИНКОЛЬН КЭМПБЕЛЛ - АКТИВ 4

ДАТА РОЖДЕНИЯ - 21.02.2002 г.

ДАТА СМЕРТИ - 09.04.2020

ДАТА ВОСКРЕСЕНЬЕ - 09.06.2020

ПОЛНОМОЧИЯ - ЭЛЕКТРОКИНЕЗ

ТРИГГЕР - ЯБЛОКО, КРЕСЛО, ЗИМА, ОДИН, ВОЛК, СОФОМОР, СУМЕРКИ

“I can’t, that’s, he’s, DATA VOSKRESENIYA?” (date of resurrection?) She gasped, everything spinning around her.

“Hate to break up the party, but we’ve got company.” Hunter whisper-yelled as two guards made their way down the corridor.

“Eds, we need to go.” Bobbi whispered, pulling her arm. Ed jolted away, her hands shaking. 

“Edie, please.” Bobbi tried again, clicking eject on the chip, pulling it out of the computer.

“Bobbi.” Ed whispered, everything swimming around her, “He’s alive.” she gasped, everything screaming at her.

“We really need to go.” Hunter said from the door. Bobbi looked at Ed anxiously.

“I got it.” She muttered, leaving her side and brushing past Hunter, shooting the security camera and the guards. 

“Bobbi!” May practically yelled over comms.

“I’ll deal with it later.” She muttered, hearing the anger in May’s voice and cringing a little.

“This was supposed to be a simple op.” May groaned. They knew they were there now, they had a kid on site, and May would be damned if she lost her. Not another kid, not again.

“They can handle themselves. Also uh, what’s going on?” Trip asked over comms.

“They know we’re here, you need to clear out, grab the files and go.” May ordered. 

“On it.” Trip said, nodding to Yo-yo.

Bobbi reentered the room to Hunter looking absolutely terrified next to a frozen Ed. He looked at her in a mixture of panic and sadness before moving aside.

“Edie, hey Edie.” Bobbi said as she crouched in front of her.

“Count with me, yeah?” Bobbi said encouragingly. She started with one, working their way slowly up to 10 before switching to Russian, then Bulgarian, then Ukrainian, then German, then French, then Spanish. Bobbi started in Italian, but Ed stopped her.

“W-we need to go.” She stood up, brushing Bobbi off her and grabbing her ICER, leaving a very concerned pair behind as she charged out of the room. Bobbi heard her beat up what had to be three guys before snapping out of her trance and following.

“Bobbi?” May asked over comms.

“The boy was Lincoln Campbell, he’s alive.” Bobbi explained quickly.

“Der’mo.” May muttered. 

“Yeah.” Bobbi agreed, catching up with Ed as she stepped over the bodies. 

“Eds, you okay?” She asked softly, reaching to hold her hand. Ed flinched away, not saying anything.

“Edie,” Bobbi tried again.

“Pozzhe, my v opasnosti.” (Later, we’re in danger) Ed said coldly, blocking out Bobbi, the hammering of her heart, the brightness of the lights, the irritation of the glasses on her face, Hunter’s heavy breathing, desperately trying to focus on getting them out.

“Okay.” Bobbi nodded, following her back down to the basement, letting her take care of the guards. An alarm sounded, Mack told them they had 7 guards heading their way, but Ed didn’t react. Bobbi sighed, shooting cameras as they ran, eventually dragging themselves back into the tunnel. Ed didn’t stop, just kept running, utterly silent until they were above ground. Bobbi and Hunter just exchanged concerned looks, Bobbi shushing him when he tried to talk, knowing it would just stress her more.

Ed collapsed against the pavement as they reached the surface, the freezing Bulgarian night not seeming to bother her. She sat next to the manhole cover, head buried in her hands as Bobbi and Hunter appeared next to her, glasses discarded on the floor.

“May, gonna turn comms off, we’re safe.” Bobbi said softly. May didn’t protest, so Bobbi and Hunter both pulled their earpieces out.

“Edie?” Bobbi asked hesitantly as she sat next to her.

“He was dead. We grieved him, Bella, God, Bella-” She let out a pathetic sob, her heart shattering, mind breaking, shoulders finally collapsing under the weight of the world.

“I know, milaya.” Bobbi said sadly. Ed shook her head.

“You have  _ no idea. _ ” She seethed. “We needed you, Bobbi,  _ I _ needed you. And you weren’t there, and- and I was all alone, with the weight of my grieve as well as everyone else’s to carry, t-trying to look after them a-all, trying to stop Ali drinking herself to death, trying to stop Bella just killing herself, trying to comfort Ava, Daisy, Jemma, for  _ years _ , for what?” Ed cried. They’d grieved him, it felt like they were still grieving him. And for what? He  _ wasn’t even dead _ .

“I’m sorry.” That was all Bobbi could manage. Pitiful, she thought. 

“I needed you. I needed someone who could hold them up so I could break, and you- you weren’t there, and now I feel like I’m being held together by fucking scotch tape, and I can’t  _ do this anymore.  _ I can’t do it again, I can’t.” Tears were falling fast by the end, finally. Years, years of holding her family together, of shaking hands and forced smiles, and finally, on the cold ground somewhere in Bulgaria, finally the other shoe dropped. 

“You won’t have to, malen’kiy, I promise.” Bobbi said softly, trying not to cry at the sight of her, trying not to let her know how her heart ached at every sob, every gasp, every tear.

“And now, now it was all for nothing. H-He’s  _ alive. _ ” She whispered, an indistinguishable mixture of emotions lacing her words.

“We’ll find out more, I promise. You won’t be alone this time.” Bobbi said gently, sincerely, reaching into Ed’s pocket and handing her the ring that Ava had given her.

“Ava. God, Ava.” She sighed, holding the ring close to her chest, the cool metal shocking her system slightly, making more tears fall from her eyes. She wiped them away, her hands shaking as she did so. Ed cringed at the sight of them, panicking more as she tried to control them, tried to understand, tried to stop her hand shaking, her tears falling, her brain running, her breathing ragged, too loud, too laboured. She groaned in frustration as she shook her hand, forming a fist with it, trying not to scream when it wouldn’t stop shaking.

Bobbi closed her hand around Ed’s, brushing her other thumb across her cheek to wipe away a tear.

“Ponyal tebya.” (I got you.) Bobbi said with a slight smile.

“I can’t, Bob, I can’t do it.” Ed cried, her chest ripping itself apart. Bobbi let her fold herself into her chest, shushing her as she cried, stroking her hair.

“Ponyal tebya, ponyal tebya, ya obeshchayu.” She soothed, talking to her softly as Ed sobbed in her arms, her world finally falling apart around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol


	41. Спасибо тебе, сестра

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angsty angsty angsty with a lil bit of hurt/comfort cos im NICE

They made their way back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. base in silence. The extraction had been cancelled, the op ran 2 hours short, and it was no longer necessary. Trip and Yo-yo met them on their way back, Trip hugging Hunter, Yo-yo wrapping an arm around Ed. Nothing felt right, or real. Here she was, with four S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, in the middle of the night in the outskirts of a Bulgarian town, on run from the military, having just found out that her dead friend was a lot less dead than previously believed.

“May, wanna explain?” Mack asked as Trip and Yo-yo turned their comms off.

“Lincoln Campbell, he was a kid at the academy, killed by Hydra in September 2020. He was dating one of the kids’ friends I think, they were close either way. I saw them after, a couple weeks after the funeral, absolutely destroyed the kids. He’s alive, apparently.” May explained quickly.

“Poor kid.” Kara sighed.

“Yeah. We’ll find out more when they get back and we can open the USBs, then it’ll have to go to Fury. This op, it wasn’t supposed to go like this.” She said sadly. 

“What’ll we tell mini-Boudicca over there?” Mack asked. May frowned.

“Edie, what’ll we tell Edie?” He asked. May groaned.

“She has to be here for the debrief, I’ll see if I can get Hill to allow her access to this mission’s report, but it’s unlikely. This’ll shoot right up the ranks, straight to level 7. She’s not even an agent.” 

“She’s a kid.” Mack said. May shook her head.

“She hasn’t been a kid for a long time. Not since she saw her sister in that hospital bed.” She said bitterly. 

“God, this is messed up.” Mack muttered. 

“Royally.” Kara replied, perching on the table.

“Can none of them catch a break, just for once?” May asked no one in particular.

“What do you mean?” Kara frowned.

“I mean that since Bobbi got shot it seems to have all gone downhill for them. They’re kids, Daisy’s not even 20 yet, Jemma was crying to Phil about missing her mom, it’s ridiculous.” May practically spat, anger rising in her. S.H.I.E.L.D. had deprived them of a childhood, for what? For some stupid eagle symbol on the wall?

“What’re you saying?” Kara looked up in interest.

“I’m saying that it’s not fair, and that I’m  _ sick _ of watching kids break every six months because their sister got shot, or their life turned upside down, or their friend died.” She said softly, fury boiling in her.  _ Control, Melinda _ , she reminded herself.  _ Trust the system. _

The door opened to the five of them. Yo-yo helped Ed to a chair, the blank look behind her eyes terrifying May. 

“Hey, Hunter.” Kara said flatly.

“What a welcome.” He grumbled.

“Hey.” Mack nodded.

“It’s been 3 years, and all I get is ‘hey’?” He sighed to himself, something about finding another agency. Bobbi kicked him in the shin.

“Not now, _Lance_.” She hissed, moving to sit next to Yo-yo and Ed. Ed leaned into her, burying her face in her shoulder. May shot an apologetic look at Bobbi.

_ It wasn’t supposed to go like this. _

Bobbi looked away, wrapping an arm around Ed, vowing to talk with May about this. She’d  _ promised _ , she’d  _ sworn _ that it would be an easy op, that all they needed was another person after Kara got injured. 

“You got the USBs?” May asked quietly. Bobbi pulled hers and Ed’s out of her pocket, Trip put on one the table, and Yo-yo produced a stack of files, seemingly from nowhere.

“That’s all of them?” May checked. Yo-yo nodded. 

“This is the one with the Campbell file?” May asked Bobbi, picking up a stick. She nodded grimly.

“That’s not Lincoln. That’s asset 4.” Ed said hoarsely.

“Eds…” Bobbi said quietly, but Ed shook her head, moving away from Bobbi’s shoulder.

“There’s no more Lincoln. Lincoln died. Whatever  _ that _ was, it wasn’t  _ him. _ ” She said numbly.

“You don’t know that.” Bobbi tried, but Ed stopped her.

“They must’ve wiped him. With Ava, and Nat, it must be like that, but there’s no Lincoln, not anymore, not who he was. That  _ thing _ , whatever it is, it’s  _ not  _ him.” Her voice shook as she spoke, Ava’s ring twirling around in her fingers as her eyes remained fixated in her lap. 

“Okay.” May nodded. She didn’t want to fight with her. She plugged the USB into the holotable, Ed looking away as the Lincoln file opened immediately.

“Hey, uh, I get this is serious stuff, but can you translate it?” Trip said. 

“Learn to read Cyrillic, aren’t you a spy?” Kara teased.

“Enough.” May scolded, selecting translate on the file.

“We need to get this to Fury.” Mack sighed as he read it. GH-325, resurrection, Kree DNA, it was all too much.

“No. We need to get her back to school.” Bobbi said firmly. 

“I wanna stay. I have a right to know, I risked my life for this, you can’t just shut me out now.” Ed protested. 

“I’m sorry, Eds I’ll see if we can find a way to keep you included, but this is dangerous stuff, you’re not even a proper agent.” Bobbi said calmly. Ed scoffed.

“So what, when you want me out in the field I’m old enough, but as soon as I find out what the hell is going on I get blocked out?” She raised an eyebrow at May.

“I’ll do what I can, I promise, Morse, but until then you need to trust the system.” 

“The system means secrets, the system means lying to my friends. The system means that I went through three years without my sister because of your bullshit S.H.I.E.L.D. protocols.” She said fiercely. Everyone watched nervously, Bobbi looking anxiously at May, pleading with her silently not to snap at her.

“The system is there for a reason.” She said coolly, “It’s not fair, not all the time, but I assure you, whilst I am on this mission, your best interest will  _ always _ be taken into consideration. Go back to The Academy, I need you gone.” She said smoothly. Ed shot daggers at her through a glare, but May didn’t stand down.

“What if I don’t?” She asked. Bobbi sucked in a breath, Yo-yo smirked a little. She was liking the littlest Morse more and more. 

“Then you will be considered a security threat and treated accordingly. I’ll be in touch, but I can’t protect you all with you here.” May pleaded. “Please, Ed, this is about more than you or me, this is about Lincoln, and your friends, and my daughter, and with you here I really can’t protect any of you.” May finished.

“Fine. But you know I’ll find out if you don’t tell me.” May smiled a little at that.

“Yeah, I know.” She nodded.

“Bobbi, could you?” She asked. Bobbi nodded, offering Ed a hand, unsurprised when she denied it. They walked to the Quinjet in silence, Ed desperately wanting to just collapse and scream and run and fight all at the same time. It felt like she was being ripped apart, like she was torn between loyalty to S.H.I.E.L.D., responsibility to her friends, and the pure desire to collapse in Bobbi’s arms and just be held. 

Ed sat next to her in the cockpit in silence, unable to sort out her thoughts enough to say anything. Bobbi passed her her phone and headphones, as well as the tangle that had been long forgotten. She pulled her headphones on, just wanting her brain to  _ stop,  _ wanting her thoughts to shut up so she could rest. Instead, her brain was racing faster than she could follow, words, thoughts, songs, all mixing up. She couldn’t follow it, couldn’t isolate one thought over another, couldn’t hear anything over the din. 

She sighed, pulling off her headphones and brushing away a tear of frustration. She felt sick, sick to her core.

“I’m sorry.” Bobbi said, looking over as Ed kicked the dash in frustration.

“Don’t talk.” Ed snapped. “Too much noise.” She gestured to her head vaguely, closing her eyes again. Bobbi watched her carefully, her eyes flickering behind her eyelids. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her get this bad. Even after Hydra she’d still been herself, she’d still bantered with Trip and laughed with the agents in the Quinjet. This was different. This was a broken 20 year old who’d been denied a childhood, desperately trying to fight the voices in her head alone.

By the time they landed it was 11am, they’d both been awake for well over 24 hours, Ed hadn’t said a word since telling Bobbi not to talk, and Bobbi still wanted to cry every time she looked at her. 

“I can’t go back, not yet.” Ed said, breaking the silence. Bobbi just nodded.

“We’ll go to Nat’s.” She suggested. Ed nodded, her hands still wringing the tangle round and round, bouncing on the balls of her feet. She followed Bobbi obediently, the campus feeling foreign. How could life continue, how could they all be so normal? Didn’t they know, didn’t they care, that the world had ended, that nothing would ever be the same?

“Morse. Morse.” Nat greeted with a nod.

“Can we come in?” Bobbi asked. Nat moved away, welcoming them in, slightly confused as to why they looked like they were dressed up as Doctor Frankenstein for halloween.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” She asked as they sat down, Ed gravitating to Nat instead of Bobbi.

“Mission went wrong. Campbell’s alive, Hydra’s got him.” Bobbi said quietly as Ed pulled a blanket around herself. 

“Ivan?” Nat asked, matching her tone.

“Didn’t see him. Sorry.” Bobbi looked down.

“Ok. I’ll get drinks.” Nat nodded, but Ed grabbed her arm.

“Don’t leave.” She asked quietly, her eyes darting around the room.

“I got it.” Bobbi sighed, getting up.

“Wanna talk about it?” Nat muttered.

“Just, don’t leave.” Ed repeated, pulling Nat’s arm closer to her. 

“Not going anywhere.” Nat assured her as Ed snuggled into her side, closing her eyes. Nat could feel her shaking, quivering anxiously.

“Relax, malenka golubushka, you’re safe.” Nat whispered, brushing a strand of hair behind Ed’s ear. She didn’t say anything, didn’t move. How could she be safe? These people, they could bring back the dead, so what couldn’t they do? Bobbi came back with teas for all of them, but Ed still didn’t move.

“What was the op?” Nat asked.

“Simple recon really. Or, it should’ve been. Intel gathering, got Hunter back, beat up some Bulgarians.” 

“Hunter? Thought you’d be happier.” Nat frowned. Bobbi laughed dryly.

“She comes first. There’ll be time for a tearful reunion later.” Bobbi said, not looking awfully excited about said reunion.

“It went south then, the mission?” Nat pushed.

“Yeah. Found out about Lincoln about half an hour in, then it all went to shit. We got a decent amount of intel though, on top of what Hunter found.” Bobbi nodded.

“Ivan? Anything new on him?” Nat asked as she sipped her tea, trying to brush it off as casual.

“I’m not sure how much Trip and Yo-yo got off the servers and the hard files, I’ll tell you as soon as I know.” Bobbi promised.

“Thanks.” Nat smiled. 

“We’re close. This was the second base we found in the last 6 months, although the last one was cleared by the time we got there. We’ll get him, Nat.” Bobbi said confidently.

“Just make sure you call me when you do. I’d hate to miss the opportunity to shoot him in the head.” Nat grinned.

“Vam pridetsya vstat' v ochered'” (You’ll have to get in line.) Ed muttered sleepily.

“Shhh, detka, idti spat'.” (Shhh, kid, go to sleep) Nat told her, combing a hand through her hair. 

“Ne mogu.” (Can’t) She replied, still not opening her eyes.

“Poprobuy dlya menya, da?” (Try for me, yeah?) Ed made a noise somewhere between a huff and a sigh and nestled closer into Nat.

“You should probably get some sleep too.” Nat told Bobbi.

“I’m fine, really.” Bobbi declined.

“It wasn’t a suggestion.” Nat said blankly. “Bathroom’s down the corridor, bedroom is next to it.” She nodded. Bobbi started to protest but Nat stopped her.

“I got her, go sleep.” She said, nodding towards the door again. Bobbi huffed, feeling like a teenager who’d been sent to her room. 

Ed shifted a little so her head was resting Natasha’s lap and pulled her blanket tighter around herself, mumbling to herself a little. Nat smiled a little at her, wondering if this was what it was like to be a sister, to have family.

She grabbed her phone from the other end of the couch, figuring that she wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while, so she may as well take advantage of it. She sat patiently whilst Ed slept, not quite expecting her to sleep so solidly. Ava texted her at 3, asking if she’d heard anything about the op, but Nat ignored it. Ed didn’t want to see her, and Nat would respect that. Anyway, she needed the sleep. She’d looked shattered when her and Bobbi had arrived.

Bobbi was the first to wake up, wandering through in one of Nat’s shirts and a stolen pair of trousers that were at least 4 inches too short at 5pm.

“See you took advantage of my closet.” Nat said dryly.

“Assumed you wouldn’t mind. Wasn’t expecting all the guns, fun little surprise.” Bobbi smirked. Ed fussed a little in Nat’s lap, stirring at the sound of her sister.

“You woke the baby.” Nat hissed.

“I’m not a baby.” Ed pouted.

“Slept like one.” Nat shrugged. Ed groaned as she sat up, the last two days hitting her.

“Lincoln.” She muttered as she wiped her eyes, burying her head in her hands.

“Yeah. May texted, they’re taking it to Fury. It’s not just him, there are 10 others.” She told them as she sat down next to Nat.

“Inhumans?” Ed asked.

“Yeah.” Bobbi nodded. 

“What about Ivan?” Nat asked.

“The files had the locations of10 bases, as well as some of what went down in each of them, but they know we have the intel now. Squads are going out tomorrow. May’s still heading up the op, but Hand’s hopped on as well. We had to let G.A.M.M.A. in on it as well.” Bobbi sighed. 

“I assume this means I’m out?” Ed asked defeatedly.

“Sorry, sestra. May’ll keep you updated as much as she can, but it’ll be harder under Hand’s nose.” Ed nodded, collapsing back against the couch.

“You know when to call me. Clint’ll be there too.” Nat told her.

“I know.” Bobbi said with a small smile. 

“Anyway, May needs me up at The Triskelion, you’re gonna be okay?” She said, looking to Ed who just nodded a little.

“I’ll live.” She settled for.

“I’ll be back soon. Really, this time.” She said, getting up to go.

“Don’t be a stranger, Morse.” Nat called over her shoulder.

“See you around, Romanov.” Bobbi grinned before leaving. Ed choked out a sob as she left, so Nat pulled her into her side, kissing her head softly. 

“She’ll be back.” Nat soothed as Ed curled in on herself, more tears falling.

  
“Spasiba, sestra.” Ed said quietly.  _ Thank you, sister. _


	42. The Weight of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed goes back to C-Niner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if there are any cws, just sad

She had to go back, she knew that. So, she spent the night with Nat, the two of them curled up on her sofa, and then left the next morning, entirely unprepared to face any of them. She couldn’t tell them, she knew that, but how could she look Bella in the eye, how could she laugh with them, knowing that their grief, that their pain, was all for nothing? Their world had ended, Ed had tried desperately to hold it up as it collapsed around them, and it was for  _ nothing.  _

“Yesha!” Ava exclaimed as she opened the door to her, throwing her arms around Ed’s neck. Ed took a couple steps back, slightly shocked at her weight. She blinked a few times before hugging back, lifting her arms to hold Ava’s back. 

“It was only two days.” Ed chuckled as Ava attached herself to her.

“It was like 48 hours, that’s two nights, far too long.” Ava said, her voice muffled by Ed’s shoulder. 

“Well, I’m very sorry, Vashenka.” Ed said lightly, threading her hand through Ava’s hair and sighing a little. She pulled her closer, holding her tight, trying not to break right there and then.

“Are you okay?” Ali asked quietly as she and Bella wondered out to see what the commotion was about. Ed looked down as they came out, Bella’s very presence filling her with guilt. 

“Fine, Lishka.” Ed tried to smile, but it was like her face was broken. Ava pulled away from her, inspecting her face, the hurt behind her eyes scaring her.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, not noticing Ed’s slight cringe at the concern in her voice. Ali did, because of course Ali did.

“Nothing, obeshchayu.” She said, desperately trying to make her smile meet her eyes. 

“Don’t lie, Eds, please.” Ali said softly, wishing Ed would look at her.

“Why would I lie?” She defended, slightly offended.

“You don’t want us to worry?” Bella suggested. 

“I’m fine, just tired.” She lied. Ali laughed at that.

“I’ll order some hair dye.” She muttered, pulling out her phone. Bella smirked a little, Ava just looked confused. How did they leap from whatever was wrong with Ed to hair dye?”

“Why?” Ava asked innocently.

“Oh, right. I think it started in third year, but it’s a tradition of ours. Where there’s trauma, there’s hair dye.” Bella explained with a grin. 

“Americans.” Ava muttered with an eyeroll before looking anxiously up to Ed,  “Trauma?” Ed shrugged.

“That means yes.” Ali said in a sing-song voice, heading back through to the living room. Daisy and Jemma were already in there, Jemma had somehow migrated to straddling Daisy’s lap since they’d left about 30 seconds ago, they were now making out.

“Get a room.” Ali scoffed as she plopped herself on the couch next to them, scrolling through Amazon. Jemma groaned, flopping onto the sofa next to Daisy.

“Party pooper.” Daisy pouted.

“It’s like 11am on a Saturday.” Ali said, “Anyway, we have hair dye to order.” She said as the others trailed through, Bella taking the armchair whilst Ed and Ava settled on the other sofa.

“Ooh, trauma?” Daisy perked up a bit, looking at Ed.

“No trauma, just tired.” She said with a slight smile.

“Sure, babe.” Bella smirked. 

“How was the mission?” Daisy asked her. Ed froze, Ava noticed.

“What happened?” She mumbled, not audible to anyone but the two of them. Ed ignored her, answering Daisy’s question instead.

“Fine. Basic op, classified though.” She said tightly, praying that Daisy wasn’t doing her weird heart thing. 

“Yesha, please.” Ava basically whispered, making Ed’s heart flutter a little.

“Nothing happened, it was fine.” She was trying, trying so hard not to just burst into tears, trying to be strong, to be strong for them. Much as she hated it, May was right. She couldn’t protect them if they knew.

“What colour does everyone want?” Ali asked. 

“I might do those blue streaks again, they were nice.” Daisy said, thinking back to fourth year when she’d had dark blue streaks in her hair. None of them had dyed it in a while, apart from Ali who couldn’t seem to go two months without changing hair colour. Bella’s bleach had either faded or grown out, or a mixture of both. Most of their hair was natural, either way, giving most of them a blank palette to work with. 

“I liked them, they were pretty.” Jemma agreed, absentmindedly twirling a strand of Daisy’s hair around her finger.

“What about you, what colour are you gonna go for?” Daisy asked. Jemma thought for a moment.

“I might cut it, then dye the ends red?” She said after a second. She hadn’t had a haircut in a few years, it was long overdue.

“Nice.” Daisy nodded.

“Dandy.” Ali said, adding the blue and red dyes to her basket.

“I’ll use the red as well, just slap some bleach in there.” Bella said, slightly distracted from watching Ed nervously.

“Aye, I was gonna go for the silver again.” Daisy frowned.

“Didn’t that fade to like green last time?” She pointed out. Ali just shrugged.

“Alrighty, Morse, Lova, what’re you after?” She asked, snapping the pair to attention.

“I might dye the ends blonde?” Ava asked everyone.

“Yes.” Jemma nodded enthusiastically.

“Absolutely.” Daisy bounced off her.

“Right, more bleach.” Ali nodded.

“And what about you, our dear Eddie?” Ali asked her, surprisingly soft. Ed tried to look at her, but it just  _ hurt. _

“I, uh-” Daisy looked at her inquisitively. She hadn’t seen that look in any of their eyes since Bella with Lincoln, that absolute shock, the horror, the disbelief. 

“I- I don’t-” She stuttered. Ava was scared, scared for her, for her shaking hands and broken eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Ali said, trying not to sound too heartbroken. Jemma reached for Daisy’s hand, hating seeing Ed like this, trembling like a leaf. Daisy squeezed it comfortingly.

“Aké je to zlé?” (How bad is it?) Daisy asked softly in Slovic, something she was 99% sure only her and Ed spoke.

“Zlé.” (Bad) was all Ed offered. 

“Chceš, aby som zavolal Bobbi?” (Do you want me to call Bobbi?) Daisy continued, ignoring the others’ frustrated looks.

“Je ... zaneprázdnená.” (She’s… busy) Ed said carefully, “Budem v poriadku, len trochu…” (I’m fine, just a little…) Daisy nodded.

“Viem. Chceš hračku?” (Do you want a toy?) Daisy asked, hoping she’d know what she was on about. She didn’t know the word for ‘stim toy’ in Slovic. She tried not to laugh at Ava’s face, she was desperately trying to follow their conversation, making a little concentration face.

“Som v pohode.” (I’m fine) Ed insisted, fidgeting a little next to Ava. 

“Dobre, sestra. Chceš, aby sme išli preč?” (Okay, sister. Do you want us to go away?) Daisy tried to keep her tone as smooth as she could, but God was it hard, watching her struggle like this.

“Nie!” Ed half shouted, scaring Ava . She flushed a little, “Izvini, pozhaluysta, ne ukhodi.” (Sorry, just, please don’t go.) She switched to Russian so Ava could understand. She suspected Jemma and Bella could probably understand a little as well, but she couldn’t do English, not now.

“My zdes', u nas yest' ty.” (We’re here, we got you.) Ava promised, taking Ed’s hand. That was her tipping point, such a small thing, just some intertwined fingers, nothing big. She watched as Ava took her hand, as she watched her squeeze back, feeling like a stranger in her body. That’s when she broke, that’s when she finally let them take the weight off her shoulders, finally shared her burden. 

She gasped as her tears fell, Ali instantly by her side, hand on her back, muttering little words of comfort. Ava threaded a hand through her hair, trying to stay strong for her, trying to hold herself together as she fell apart. Ed quickly buried her face in Ali’s shirt, not ready for anyone else to see this. Ali wrapped an arm around her waist as she cried, ignoring Ava’s dumbstruck look so she could rub her back.

“I-I’m sorry.” Ed gasped, almost silently. 

“You’re okay, Eds, you’re okay.” Ali soothed, knowing that shushing her would only make her angry. Daisy and Jemma left almost silently, knowing that this wasn’t their place, that they wouldn’t be any use, that watching her break might just be too much. 

“What do you think happened?” Jemma asked anxiously as Daisy closed the door, going to rub her knuckles together. Daisy pulled her hands apart gently, kissing them softly.

“I don’t know.” Was all she could say, scared for Ed, and Ava, and Bobbi, and her mom.

* * *

Ed had been quiet for about an hour. Spookily so. It was probably the longest any of them had seen her sit still and do nothing. She was huddled up in blankets, holding Luna close to her chest, a faraway look in her eyes as she saw the file, over and over again, as she held Bella after Lincoln died, as she saw dirt fall over his empty coffin, as she held Ali’s hair back over the toilet.

“Drinks?” She suddenly asked, standing up as she passed Luna to Ava.

“What?” Bella said, her sudden movement shocking her. She’d been sitting perfectly still with tears rolling down her cheeks for about an hour, Ali and Ava by her side.

“Drinks, does anyone want a drink?” She asked again, heading to the kitchen.

“Eds-” Ali started, not quite sure what to say.

“We got coke, lemonade, orange juice, Jemma’s mom musta sent Ribena.” She said, checking the fridge.

“A-Are you okay?” Ava asked, getting up to follow her.

“Fine.” She said with a tight smile, not turning to look at them. She got herself a coke, then went to go and ask if Daisy and Jemma wanted anything. Ali stopped her in the doorway.

“Eds, talk to us, are you okay?” Ed looked away, moving back.

“I told you, Alice, I’m fine.” She said coldly, clenching her fist when she felt the shaking start again.

“Yesha, please, we just want to help.” Ava said from the couch, Luna now sleeping in her lap.

“Yeah, well, I’m fine.” She insisted. Bella scoffed.

“Sorry,  _ Edie _ , but no, you’re not. You came home after no word for 2 days dressed as a scientist and then had a breakdown, didn’t talk for an hour and now seem very concerned with Jemma’s ma’s Ribena. What’s going on?” Bella said, ignoring Ed’s flinch as she started talking. 

“I can’t tell you. Legally, I mean, it’s classified-” Ali cut her off with a groan.

“Enough! Enough of the S.H.I.E.L.D. whatnot, the classified ‘trust the system’ bs. We don’t want to know what happened, we want to take care of you, please.” Ali half yelled, her voice breaking when she got to the last word. 

“Yeah, well, I’m not great at being taken care of.” She said almost coldly.

“Well, no time to learn like the present, now go cuddle with your sweetheart and  _ I’ll  _ get the drinks.” Ali said sternly, nodding towards the sofa. Ed actually did as she was told, which led to Bella quietly muttering ‘woah, just topped the resident top’, earning her a kick from Ava before Ed curled into her arms. Ava flushed a little, the opportunity to actually hold her a very rare thing. She kissed her head sweetly, and made little braids in her hair. 

“Now, dearest Eds, feel free to shout, cry or swear, just please avoid verbal abuse.” Ali said as she sat down on the other sofa next to Bella, who thanked her silently for the coke. 

“The bar is so much lower than I ever imagined.” Ed quoted with a little smile. Ava laughed, wriggling a little against Ed’s breath on her neck; now was really not the time. 

“Ed.” Ali said blankly. Ed rolled her eyes. 

“Fine.” She groaned, moving from where Ava was holding her.

“It wasn’t just the mission.” She admitted.

“What was it?” Bella asked softly, 99% they all already knew the answer.

“I don’t know, everything?” She said with a shrug. “I guess, being back with Bobbi after she was away for so long, it just kinda made me feel safe in a way I haven’t for a while.” She said, hands fiddling with Ava’s ring, eyes fixated on the ground. 

“What do you mean, you haven’t felt safe?” Ava asked gently, Ed trying not to cringe at how kind her voice was, how gentle.

“I mean I spent a long time looking after all of you guys. And I’m not complaining, of course not, I love you, I just, It’s been a lot.” She said shamefully, her voice wobbling, “And then with the mission, something happened, and I dunno, it was just kinda my breaking point I guess.” She sniffled, chuckling wetly. 

“Thank you.” Bella said, the only one who could really find words. Ed frowned.

“You gave us years of your life, you put us first, unconditionally, for like, well forever. So thank you, Eds, really, but it’s our turn now.” She said firmly. 

“No, guys, I’m fine, really-” Ali stopped her.

“You’re my best friend. I love you, I will  _ always _ love you, everyone here will. You’re enough, Eds. You’re enough for us, just you.” Ali smiled tearily, heading over as Ed opened her arms, both of them sniffling hopelessly as they clung to each other.

“You’re enough.” Ali promised, clinging to her best friend, to her sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	43. Jemma and the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3am chats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for mention of PSTD

Jemma groaned in frustration as she rolled over for what felt like the third time in three minutes, turning to face Daisy who was sleeping like the dead. She’d been trying to sleep for what had to be at least 2 hours, tossing and turning, not seeming to be able to get comfortable anywhere. She pushed the covers off her and carefully trod onto the floor, shushing Daisy as she stirred. She mumbled something, before pulling the covers back around herself, snuggling back into bed. Jemma smiled at her, grabbing her phone and dressing gown before leaving, making her way to the kitchen. She needed a cup of tea. And a cat. 

She carefully made her way through the corridor, not bothering to turn any lights on, just wary of shoes that may have been left out. She kept a careful ear out for Luna, or anyone else who might be awake, but all she could hear was the steady ticking of the clock in the kitchen. 

She liked the night. She liked how the darkness felt, how still, how quiet. She liked how she could hear everything, from the drop of a pin to a tick of a clock. How, sometimes, if she was just still enough, she could let herself become enveloped by it, she could merge with the night, succumb to its velvety depths, just let herself be. During sleepless nights like these, nights when everything just felt out of place, when her thoughts were scattered, it was easier to just be. To just let herself breathe, to let go of the idea of sleep being peace, to revel in the darkness, the loneliness that the night time brought. It was like a whole different universe, it was like the world was showing her a little piece of its true self, of what it was like when no one else was about, a little piece of pure quiet, of stillness, of just awareness, no rush or intent, no nothing. Just Jemma, Jemma and the night. 

Unfortunately, this was not one of those nights. 

She stepped through the doorway to the common area, freezing when she heard movement. It wasn’t Luna, it was heavier than her.

“Jay?” A tired voice asked, sounding utterly relieved. Jemma reached for the lightswitch. 

“Ed?” She replied, raising an eyebrow at the rather sorry sight. She was sitting on the sofa, huddled in blankets, Luna nestled in her lap, eyes bloodshot, hands shaking.

“What’re you doing?” They asked simultaneously. 

“You first.” Jemma nodded to her, going to boil the kettle. 

“Why?” Ed asked pointedly.

“Youngest always goes first.” Jemma said simply, as though this was common knowledge.

“What about shortest first?” Jemma just gave her a Look™️ and Ed sighed.

“Remember that time I went on a mission and then had a mental breakdown?” Ed said with a slight smirk. Jemma frowned.

“You mean what happened in March? Literally last month?” 

“Yeah, that’ll be the one.” Ed nodded, “Well, it’s safe to say I’m not over it.” Jemma laughed dryly.

“What?” 

“When will you learn, young grasshopper, a mental breakdown is not something you simply  _ get over. _ ” Jemma told her, assuming her ‘ _ I’m the oldest so I know best _ ’ voice.

“And I assume you’re the expert on these things?” Ed asked.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Tea?” Jemma offered.

“I’m American.” 

“The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“I drink coffee to relax.”

“It’s 3 o’clock in the morning.” 

“Fine, tea then.” Ed sighed. 

“Good girl.” Jemma praised. Ed just scrunched her face up.

“You know you can’t top me into taking care of myself.” She frowned.

“I can definitely aggressively mum friend you into taking care of yourself though.” She replied, clicking her tongue a little. She brought the teas over and sat next to her, stealing a blanket and Luna, who was too tired to care apparently, just settling back down between them.

“So, what ails you?” Jemma asked, sipping her tea. Ed shrugged.

“Classified.” She smirked. Jemma just rolled her eyes.

“I dealt with Daisy’s aftermath of Hydra, that’s not gonna work here.” Jemma said blankly. Ed sighed, taking a small sip of her tea.

“Ugh, what is this?” 

“It’s chamomile, now stop avoiding the question.” Jemma said sternly, smiling a little as Luna stretched out, yawning silently.

“The question was..?” 

“Well, I believe my exact words were ‘what ails you’.” 

“Right. I’m gonna go with a mixture of PTSD, guilt and ADHD, et toi?” Ed asked, smiling slightly. Jemma sighed, sitting back against the sofa.

“Just plain ol’ insomnia, nothing exciting.” She shrugged, “Now, you want to tell me about this PTSD-ADHD guilt, or do you want to play uno? I also have Harry Potter Top Trumps.” Ed thought about that. She was supposed to be getting better at talking, but with everyone else it felt like they expected her to be able to articulate things, or have answers to everything. Jemma might understand more, the inability to quite find the words, how their brains associated things differently to how the others did.

“Okay, my tiny little autistic friend, we’re both neurodivergent, correct?” Jemma nodded.

“Yes. Although I’m not sure that I’m  _ tiny _ , so to say-” Ed hushed her.

“I’m sharing, it’s my time to share. Right, you know those days where everything just feels so  _ wrong _ ? A mixture of purple and yellow? Like everything has just clicked out of place and your thoughts are everywhere and they’re all super loud and if anyone touches you or even breathes you  _ will _ flip a fucking table?” 

“Yes, I’m familiar with the feeling.” Jemma smiled slightly bitterly. 

“Right, well, take that, and then add crushing guilt over a huge ass secret that you can’t tell  _ anyone _ about, as well as RSD, just for a little spice, and the sense of justice of an ADHD person, and you get uh, me, right now, on the sofa with a brit and a cat at 3am.” 

“Right. Just to be clear, the justice thing is what’s making not telling us hard?” Jemma asked, thinking back to first year when she spent hours in the library researching ADHD for her.

“So hard. Because I can’t tell if I should tell you what happened because you have a right to know, or if I shouldn’t because it could upset you, or if I shouldn't because of the rules, or if I should just ignore the rules and do what I think is right, but how do I know that it’s right, and what even  _ is  _ right and wrong, and how do I know how it applies in this situation?” She finished with a sigh, taking a hand up to her neck and rubbing at it awkwardly. 

“Well, would you like me to answer the question for you?” Jemma asked, already knowing exactly what she should do.

“Please.” Ed sighed.

“You can’t tell us.” She said simply, slightly sadly. 

“But what if I owe it to you?” She asked.

“You don’t owe us anything. And if it’ll hurt more to know, then you shouldn’t tell us. Also, this definitely won’t bother anyone else as much as me, but it is classified.” Jemma said, slightly embarrassed. 

“Ali wants me to tell her.” Ed admitted. Jemma shrugged.

“Will it hurt her?” Jemma asked simply.

“Yeah.” 

“Then don’t tell her.” 

“It hurts me.” Ed confessed, barely louder than a whisper. Jemma nodded sympathetically.

“I know. Have you considered therapy?” Ed actually laughed at that.

“I don’t do therapy.” 

“Why not? You clearly need it.” Jemma said, raising an eyebrow. 

“And we were like ‘we know, but hey!’” Ed quoted. 

“We’re above societal standards of boundaries here, you need it.” Jemma said bluntly.

“It’s not like you go.” Ed pointed out.

“I do.” 

“Is that why you’re the most mentally stable?” Jemma raised an eyebrow.

“May I remind you that I am also sitting awake at 3am drinking tea on the sofa. I’m just english, we like to repress our bad thoughts and pretend like it’s not happening. Then, once a week in therapy I basically just terrify my therapist, then leave like nothing happened.” She said, sipping her tea. She took in Ed’s expression.

“Come on, Morse, I grew up masking.” She tutted at Ed’s horrified look,  “Just, consider it.” She pleaded. 

“Maybe. I’m not very good at explaining things.” 

“That’s okay. You did alright tonight.” Jemma pointed out.

“That’s because you’re you. They’d be a stranger.” 

“Well, it took me a year or so to tell mine anything further than what’s in my file. You don’t have to get to the deep stuff instantly, it just seems like you could use someone impartial to talk to about everything.” She said gently, realising she may have overstepped. 

“I’ll consider it, thanks Simmons.”

“You’re welcome. Anything else you wanna talk about?” She asked, shifting position so she was hugging her knees.

“How about that game of uno?” 

“Absolutely.” Jemma said with a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was kinda short, thanks for reading!


	44. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi, Nat, Clint and Hunter get coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for depression, scars, a veryyy brief mention of suicide

“We’re going out.” Clint decided as soon as he stepped into Nat’s apartment. 

“I’m not cleared for mission. Anyway, I thought you were preoccupied being everyone’s dad.” Nat replied from the sofa, not bothering to turn around.

“No, I mean we’re going to get coffee. I’m officially dragging you out of your depression nest, come on.” He said, dragging her blinds open. Nat cringed at the light.

“I like my depression nest, it’s very cosy. Come join me, birdman.” Nat sighed from the sofa.

“Fraid not, Tasha. The little ones are worried, gotta show your face.” Nat groaned.

“I don’t wanna see them. They’re too baby.” She frowned.

“We’ll go off campus then, but you can’t stay in here.” He said decisively, pulling her blankets away.

“I hate you. With a burning, burning passion.” 

“That’s fine. I have no overwhelming desire to be liked by 29 year old, depressed Russian assassins who haven’t left their apartment for a week.” He shrugged. 

“I still hate you.” She said grumpily.

“Go shower, I’ll be waiting.” He said happily.

“Glupyy grebanyy chelovek-ptitsa.” She cursed as she stumbled to the bathroom.

“Hey, Clint!” She called.

“Yes, dear?” 

“What’s the time? And the date?” 

“It is 4 o’clock in the afternoon, Thursday May 18th.” He said.

“Super.” She muttered. She turned the shower on, pulling her clothes off, not even cringing at her scars. They were reminders, reminders she deserved. 

She washed her hair, deciding to cut it off again later. It was getting too long, very impractical. Maybe she should dye it as well, keep Ivan on his toes. Ivan. Ivan, Ivan, Ivan. Would she never be free?

She stood under the water, staring at the floor as it beat down on her neck, letting herself comfortably dissociate, her brain filling with fog again.  _ Ivan, Ivan, Ivan. _

Ivan. It was a short word, only 4 letters. A name that would make little girls scream, would make little girls cry, would make them grip to a handle of a chair, squeeze their eyes tight and plead for their mother. A short name that carried such weight. 

It was strange, names, how people made them their own. She never felt like Natalia Alianova Romanova, but she couldn’t imagine anyone else being her. She didn’t even feel like Natasha Romanov at the moment. Natasha Romanov was strong, Natasha Romanov was a saviour. Natasha Romaov was a failure, and now Ava Antaloyeve Orlova was in danger. Yelena Belova was in danger. Maria Soloveva, Antoinette Makarova, Odette Ilina, Aleksandra Kulikova, were all dead, and that was on Natasha Romanov. Countless girls, innocent girls, so many names, all in danger because Natasha Romanov failed to kill some Russian prick in Odessa 2012.

Clint knocked on the door.

“Hey, it’s been 3 hours since I had a coffee and you’ve been in there for a sixth of that time, places to be, Tasha.” He called.

“Fuck.” She muttered.

“Be out in a sec.” She called back. Natasha Romanov had red in her ledger. Would she ever wipe it clean?

She joined Clint 15 minutes later, wearing her back up depression hoodie that Coulson had given her when she first joined (it was just a plain black oversized S.H.I.E.L.D. one, but if she ever lost it she’d definitely kill herself), a pair of black cropped jeans and doc marten boots. She grabbed a beanie and sunglasses before smiling at him. He whistled.

“Wow, really committing to the uh, angsty gay teen aesthetic.” 

“Hey!”

“I would know, I raised two of ‘em.” He said with a grin before getting the door.

“So, any particular reason for this outing? Much as I adore you, I’d rather not be forced to leave my nest without good reason.” She asked as they set off down the 12 flights of stairs.

“Bird called, they’re in town, just getting coffees, figured you might wanna see her.” Clint said with a nonchalant shrug.

“I do not have a crush on Bobbi Morse.” She scowled. She definitely did, but what lesbian in their right mind _wouldn't_.

“Didn’t say that you did. Hunter’s there too, they probably have some intel on the Somodorov case.” 

“Ah yes, and the supreme place for intel sharing is a very public coffee place, not in the actual organisation or anything.” Nat said sarcastically.

“Hey, they called the meeting, I’m just along for the ride. And uh, moral support.” He said with a smirk. She whacked him.

“I dislike you.” 

“So you said.” He nodded. She smiled a little, the empty hole that had been growing in her chest for the last week filling a little.

_ No.  _ She scolded herself,  _ you don’t deserve this. _

He made his little jokes as they walked, sarcastic as usual, waving at a group of Ops kids like a madman. She just pushed her glasses further up her face. Wasn’t in the mood for kids. She made them go the long way so they wouldn’t have to pass C-Niner, she couldn’t face Ava, let alone Ed. She had at least 17 missed calls from both of them on her phone, and wasn’t super excited to find out what they had to say. She’d tried to be around for Ed as much as possible after Bulgaria, but last week she got a message from Ivan, or what she thought was a message anyway. More of an empty threat. Just a photo of Ed and Bobbi, nothing much, enough to send Nat spiralling. She sent the photo to May and then went as off grid as she could in a school full of spies. She had to protect them, this time, she had to protect them.

As promised, Bobbi and Hunter were waiting for them in a Starbucks in the city, Bobbi dressed similarly to Nat whilst Hunter was wearing a cowboy hat.

“Subtle.” Clint nodded as they walked over.

“Tell me, what is more conspicuous, two women wearing beanies, jumpers and sunglasses in May, or a bloke in a cowboy hat.” He said in response.

“Gotta have somewhere to hide the weapons.” Bobbi shrugged.

“I prefer not to be perceived by anyone ever.” Nat replied with a nod, “Any comments suggesting otherwise will be met with you having a nosebleed.” She glared at Hunter who just put his hands up in surrender.

“Didn’t say anything.” He said defensively. 

“Yeah, you wouldn’t dare.” Bobbi scoffed. 

“Damn straight. You’re all terrifying.” He replied.

“Clint?” Bobbi raised an eyebrow

“Hey! I’m very scary!” He practically pouted.

“Sure, honey.” Bobbi nodded. “Anyway, we have progress.” She continued. Nat perked up at that.

“We still haven’t located the uh, assets, if you will.”

“You mean the undead inhuman brainwashed soldiers?” Hunter helpfully prompted.

“Yeah, Hunter. Thanks.” Bobbi said dryly, “ _ But, _ we know there are eleven of them, and thanks to the Bulgaria op we have profiles for all of them. We raided a base last week and found nothing but files,  _ however,  _ we do have a better idea of where Ivan’s base is.” Bobbi said proudly.

“How many options?” Nat asked.

“Three in Russia, one in Bulgaria, two in the UK, five in the States, one in the Ukraine, one up in Svalbard and another in Libya.” Bobbi told her.

“So that’s what, 14?” Clint asked.

“14, but we’re gonna assume that he’s most likely to be in Russia, Bulgaria or the Ukraine.” 

“I assume this is you asking us to come with?” Nat asked.

“I don’t know when we’ll be back. And I know you wanted us to come get you when things got, you know, serious, so…” Bobbi conceded.

“I…” Nat tried, but Clint spoke first.

“I’m in if Tasha’s in.” He nodded to her. She blushed a little, knowing exactly what their reaction to her next words would be.

“I don’t want to leave the kids.” She said carefully.  _ Not like you did. _ She thought. 

“Tasha…” Clint started, but she held up a hand.

“He had Ed’s photo. Ava was already a likely target, they must have already known about Daisy, but Ed as well? Someone’s gotta take care of them.” Nat argued. 

“I know.” Bobbi looked down to her hands, “I know, Nat, and I’m sorry to ask. Look, it’ll either be you two or this mission will get blown wide open. We’ve already got G.A.M.M.A on our asses, they’re nowhere near up to scratch. We need D.E.L.T.A..” Bobbi said seriously, trying to meet Nat’s gaze, the task proving difficult from behind sunglasses. 

“We’ll be able to come back?” She asked.

“If that’s what it takes.” Bobbi said with a slight smile. The Black Widow was a better big sister than she was. And Bobbi had 20 years of practice.

“Come back when you’re down to the final fourteen. I’ll be ready.” She decided.

“Nat-”

“I’ll be ready.” She said more fiercely.  “They’re  _ kids _ .” She said quietly.

“I know.” Bobbi muttered regretfully.

“I can’t just leave.” 

“I know.” 

“You promise you’ll come get me?” 

“I promise.” Bobbi nodded.

“And Ivan, he’s mine.” Natasha said fiercely.

“All yours.” Bobbi said with a slight smile.

“You know why I can’t come with?” 

“I do.” Bobbi knew that it should be her with them, her there to hold her sister, her there to comfort them all, her there to defend them. But if she could be out there, out protecting them, hunting down Ivan, Hydra, then she would be. Nat could keep them safe, keep them close, Bobbi would protect them from the world. 

“This won’t be another Odessa, Nat. We know what we’re up against this time.” Nat laughed dryly.

“You can never know what you’re up against. Not with them. They brought back the dead, brainwashed generations of girls with  _ Tchaikovsky _ of all things, they experimented on us for years, who knows what they’ve done to Lincoln. So no, you have  _ no idea _ what you’re up against.” Nat almost spat. Hunter raised an eyebrow. That was the most words he’d ever heard her say. And none of them were particularly nice.

“Hey, you’re okay.” Clint muttered from beside her.

“Sorry.” Nat said, looking down as she leant back in her chair.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Bobbi asked nervously.

“Well, technically I’m still not cleared for field work. And yeah, I’m sure.” She nodded. Bobbi didn’t say anything about the field work, although they all knew that Nat was perfectly capable in the field. Her leg had healed years ago, it was her mind that was the problem. 

Fear, guilt, anger, whatever it was that was holding The Black Widow back, she needed it gone. 

“We’ll be back.” Bobbi promised.

“I’m trying.” Nat said, equally as seriously. Clint squeezed her hand.

“I know, sestra. Gorjus' toboy.” Bobbi smiled. 

“Spasiba.” Nat flushed, ignoring Clint’s smirk.  _ I’m proud of you. _ God, she was gay.

“I assume you’re coming back to The Academy with us?” Clint asked.

“Yup.” Hunter said, popping the P, “Gotta go see the little terrors.” 

“You love them.” Bobbi rolled her eyes.

“I only know Eds and Quake.” 

“Don’t call her that.” The other three warned.

“She doesn’t react kindly to it.” Bobbi said, Nat smirked at the memory of Daisy beating up 5 guys who teased her because the ‘Legendary Quake’ was 16 (at the time) and about 5’7”.

“No she does not.” Nat backed her up.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Hunter said dryly. 

“So, we’re leaving?” Clint asked, looking at them expectantly.

“I guess.” Nat said.

“How are the little terrors?” Bobbi asked her as the boys went ahead.

“Ed is better. She misses you though. The twins broke their no drinking pact a while ago, heard them getting an earful from Simmons. Obviously DJ are fine, sickeningly sappy. May’s been slipping a little recently, not sure why.” Nat told her quickly.

“Vashka?” Bobbi asked.

“Scared.” Nat nodded.

“We’ll protect them.” 

“Of course.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so late, crazy times yanno?


	45. Memory Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda shares her powers with the Secret Warrior girls :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely an elaborate way of connecting this with the first story more and i definitely have 0 regrets.

“You summoned us?” Daisy asked as her and Ava walked into the Secret Warriors’ (as they’d affectionately dubbed themselves) training room. They still didn’t have a proper trainer, they trained with whoever they were given that day, and usually scared the living shit out of them as well. America and Kamala were already there, sitting against the wall with Wanda.

“We did.” Wanda said lightly.

“Maximoff’s ready to share.” Kamala said excitedly, practically bouncing where she sat. 

“Wait, really?” Daisy asked, instantly matching Kamala’s excitement. Since she’d taken Daisy on her little trip down memory lane she hadn’t done the same for anyone else, insisting she didn’t want to hurt them, or scare them. She’d only trained with her telekinesis and energy manipulation since. 

“Yes. But, we need ground rules.” She warned.

“We’re all ears, niña.” America promised.

“Okay, first, have any of you been brainwashed in the past?” She started off. Daisy nudged Ava.

“Yeah. Years ago, I think it’s gone though?” Ava said tentatively. She knew no one would pry, they all had their own baggage, some things weren’t to be shared.

“What was the trigger?” Wanda asked her gently.

“Swan Lake and Snow white. The ballet and the movie respectively.” Ava said with a slight smirk. 

“Okay, I’ll avoid them. Assuming you still want me to go ahead with it?” Ava hesitated.

“Maybe. I’ll watch the others first.” She decided.

“That’s okay.” Wanda nodded.

“Hey, where are the boys?” Kamala asked.

“Not invited. I’m annoyed at Pietro.” Wanda shrugged, “Anyway, I don’t want to see what’s in Robbie’s head.” She shuddered.

“Okay, who’s first?” Wanda said, sitting up.

“I’ll go. How’s it gonna work, with my memories from the Other World?” America asked.

“Does it exist in the multiverse?” Wanda frowned.

“Not anymore.” America shook her head.

“Well, I can look for it if you want me to, but I don’t know how it’ll work.” 

“It’s fine, Wanda. Just uh, avoid the black hole, si?” Wanda just nodded, slightly confused as to why she’d even have memories of a black hole.

“You ready?” Wanda asked, offering her hands. America took them.

“Go wild, chica Maravilla.” She smirked. Wanda closed her eyes, America copied her. 

_ “Who’s Kate?” Wanda asked, sending them to a black room. America blinked a few times. _

_ “How do you know her?” America narrowed her eyes. _

_ “I just saw her, when you met. I can’t manipulate your memories, I’m not sure how to take you there, but who is she?” Wanda explained quickly. _

_ “My girlfriend. What did you see?”  _

_ “I was looking for your happiest memories, she seemed to be around in most of them.” _

_ “Take me to my happiest.” America asked, suddenly curious. _

_ “I can’t-” _

_ “Just, try. Please?” Wanda closed her eyes, sighing a little.  _

_ A green field materialised around them, Wanda building it from snippets she could find. She found Kate and took her there, as well as Lucky. There was a lake down the hill, not dissimilar to the one over the way, and Kate looked like a vision, red swirls surrounding her, her hair braided down her back, a grin plastered across her face as Lucky chased a butterfly. _

_ “Wanda?” America called, taking in the scene. _

_ “Yeah?” Wanda materialised next to her. _

_ “This is definitely not real.” _

_ “I couldn’t take you there, so I pulled from memories of Paradise and Kate, built this for you.” Wanda shrugged. _

_ “Y-you built this? Damn, really are chica Maravilla.” America sighed.  _

_ “Yeah, so, this is what I do, it’s my main thing I guess. Kinda fun to get lost in my worlds. Do you want me to go?” Wanda asked. America sighed blissfully, walking over to look at Kate.  _

_ “Where will you go? I can’t stay here if you’re not in my head, right?”  _

_ “Yeah. Sorry. I can take us out?” Wanda offered. America looked around once more, the swirls of red, how hyperrealistic everything looked, down to the last detail. _

_ “Yeah, please.” America nodded, turning away from Kate to look at Wanda. _

“It’ll be a bit disorientating at first, but you’ll get used to it.” Wanda said quickly as they left her dream world. 

“Woah, that was-” 

“Isn’t it?” Daisy beamed.

“It’s really not that cool.” Wanda said, slightly embarrassed.

“You can literally walk through people’s minds and build worlds in their head, don’t sell yourself short.” America said bluntly.

“Yeah, well, not all it’s cracked up to be all the time.” Wanda said quietly, before clearing her throat and offering Kamala her hands. She’d seen so much death in her peers’ heads, so much destruction. She experienced it like they did though, in fragments, blurred and confused, flashbacks triggered by who knew what. She’d seen Daisy kill, seen America’s moms die, seen Ava dance (she didn’t quite understand that one, just that it upset her), and she was helpless to do anything. 

“Anything to avoid?” Kamala just shook her head and took her hands.

_ “Bruno!” Kamala gasped as Wanda took her to her family home. Her ammi was in the kitchen, Bruno sitting on the sofa, XBox controls in hand. _

_ “This okay?” Wanda asked nervously as Kamala took nervous steps towards him. _

_ “I haven’t seen him in forever.” Kamala sighed, slightly tearful. _

_ “Who is he?” Wanda nodded to the boy. _

_ “He’s like a brother to me, I’ve known him for, well forever. He was offered a place at Sci-Tech.” She told her sadly. _

_ “He didn’t take it?” Kamala shook her head. _

_ “Wanted a normal life. It’s understandable.” Kamala shrugged. _

_ “You miss him.” Wanda stated. It wasn’t a question, they could both feel the hole opening in Kamala’s chest. _

_ “So much.” Kamala agreed. She beckoned to Wanda to follow. _

_ “We can talk to him?”  _

_ “To an extent. We can talk to the version of him who exists in your head.” Wanda explained. _

_ “Hey, Bruno.” Kamala said with a smile. _

_ “Mala, grab that, I need help.” Kamala had to choke back a sob. _

_ “What’s he playing?”  _

_ “Final Fantasy. We were obsessed when we were younger, second only to World of Warcraft, we were part of the Iron Legion.” She said with a small smile. _

_ “Come here, I’ll teach you.” Kamala said as she flopped next to Bruno, gesturing for Wanda to sit next to her.  _

_ “I don’t-” _

_ “Come on, chica Maravilla.” Kamala said teasingly. Wanda sighed, sitting cross legged next to Kamala. _

_ “Who do you play as?” Bruno asked her. Kamala jumped as he spoke to Wanda. _

_ “I don’t know, I’ve never played.” Wanda told the boy who, to her, existed solely in Kamala’s head as though it was just another day. _

_ “You’ve never played?” He raised his eyebrows. _

_ “Wow, Mala, your S.H.I.E.L.D. friends are dry.” He laughed.  _

_ “I assure you, not all of them are like her. I wish you could play with me and Kate.” Kamala sighed wistfully. _

_ “Same.” He said, before nudging her so she turned her controller on. She complied, joining the game so the screen split.  _

_ They played for a while, until Wanda felt someone poke her. She sighed. _

_ “Kams, the others are getting impatient.” She told her. _

_ “Okay.” She said sadly. _

_ “I gotta go, Bee, I-I’ll call you later.” She told him. _

_ “Sure you will, Mala.”  _

“Wanda, that was-” Kamala looked at her, “We just played Final Fantasy in my head with my childhood best friend.” She gasped.

“Kinda trippy, right?” Daisy asked with a grin.

“Just a little bit.” Kamala sighed.

“Ava?” Wanda asked.

“Not today.” Ava shook her head. She didn’t want to risk it, “I don’t want you to have to see that.” She said with a slight smile.

“Okay. Some other day?” Wanda suggested.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“My go?” Daisy asked.

“Fine, Dee. Anything to avoid?” She checked.

“Gunshots. And blood.” She saw it everyday anyway, she just didn’t want to show Wanda, didn’t want to let her see, let her see what she did, how many she killed, even worse, how little guilt she still carried.

“I’ll try my best.” Wanda said with a smile as she took Daisy’s hand.

_ “I want to try something.” Wanda told her as she took them to the dorm at the prep. _

_ “Woah,” Daisy gasped, looking around her. _

_ “Yeah, whatever, listen.” Wanda said impatiently. _

_ “What?” _

_ “I think I can show you, like, a film, your best, well, most significant memories of a person, like highlights. I can definitely look, but I can try to show you as well?” She offered. _

_ “Can you avoid the shots and blood?” Daisy checked. _

_ “Da.” _

_ “Go ahead.” Daisy agreed. _

_ “Who?” Wanda asked. _

_ “Who am I happiest with?” Daisy asked, already knowing the answer. Wanda closed her eyes, smirking a little. _

_ “Jemma.” She smiled. _

_ “Bingo.” Daisy grinned. She took a deep breath, took Wanda’s hand, and closed her eyes. _

* * *

  
  


_ “What’s that one?” Daisy asked, looking up at the sky. _

_ “Sirius. Brightest star in the winter sky.” Jemma said lightly. _

_ “I like it.” Daisy decided. Jemma giggled. _

_ “You like  _ all _ of them.”  _

* * *

_ “Don’t cry, Jemma. Maybe we’ll see each other again.” Daisy said as they sat on their classroom floor. _

_ “You’re my best friend.” Jemma sniffled. _

_ “You’re mine. But hey, just look at the stars, and know that I’ll be looking at them too. We won’t feel so far apart then.” Daisy smiled. _

_ “Maybe I’ll get to see Ophiuchus.” Jemma said longingly. _

_ “Yeah. Maybe.” _

* * *

_ “Daisy?” Jemma gasped.  _

_ “Bobbi said you’d be coming but I didn’t know if it was actually you or not. I thought I’d never see you again.” Daisy told her as she hugged Jemma. She felt her slowly moving to hug her back. Daisy held her for a second and slowly let go, _

_ “I’m taller than you now.” She simply stated. _

* * *

_ “You know, up here on the shortest day, we might be able to see Ophiucus .” Jemma said, wondering if Daisy remembered. _

_ “I saw it once, when I was up in North North Canada last winter. It was breathtaking. Made me think of you.” Jemma smiled at that. She had thought of her. _

_ “Cygnus reminds me of you. Bright, although not quite steady. I’m the steady one here.” Jemma pointed out. _

* * *

_ “Well, what’s the surprise?” Fitz asked. They sat side by side, Daisy sandwiched in between them.  _

_ “Just wait.” Jemma had been racking her brains. Why tonight, of all nights? It wasn’t Christmas yet, or New Years, or Chinese New Year, so why tonight? She gasped softly, grabbing Daisy’s sleeve. _

_ “Tonight’s the winter solstice! Ophiuchus! We can see it!” Daisy nodded, excited to see Jemma’s reaction to the real thing. _

_ “Ugh, this isn’t about your stupid astronomy thing, is it?” Daisy just nodded at him. _

_ “It’s not stupid, Fitz. Stars are just our thing.” Jemma said, nudging Daisy’s arm a little. _

* * *

_ Jemma was sitting on the lawn by the lake at the bottom of the grounds, Daisy’s head in her lap, Fitz next to her. She watched Ali chase Bella around, begging for her phone back. Ed was leaning against Fitz, listening to music, knees bouncing, hands fidgeting.  _

_ “Can you believe it’s been an entire year?” Daisy asked, her eyes closed, the sun too bright in the July sky for them to be open. _

* * *

_ Jemma snapped around sharply, excitement rushing through her when she saw Daisy. She launched herself into her arms, hands flapping excitedly. _

_ “I missed you.” Daisy said, holding her friend tightly. Jemma was quick to hug her back this time, holding her close, breathing her in, entangling herself within her.  _

_ “I missed you too.” Jemma mumbled into her shoulder. _

* * *

_ “Daisy!” Jemma half cried half laughed as she stood before her the next afternoon, presenting a slightly grey cake with utterly inaccurate fish on it, a lopsided smile painted colourfully across her face. She took the cake and put it down, before throwing herself at her best friend.  _

_ “Well, it wasn’t just me. The twins helped. We didn’t get to celebrate last year so I figured…” Jemma just shook her head slightly, holding Daisy tighter.  _

* * *

_ When they reached the dorm they all retrieved their 6 presents from under the tree, sitting in a circle on the floor, a present wrapped with varying degrees of skill, sitting before each person. _

_ Jemma had a dainty little silver necklace with the constellation of Ophiuchus dangling off it, each star represented by a jewel.  _

_ “Daisy…” she started, but her words escaped her. She just pulled her in for a hug, kissing her cheek and mumbling thanks to her gently.  _

* * *

_ She sniffled, feeling a tear roll down her cheek as she looked up at the vast nothingness before her, Ophiuchus still there, gazing down at her, as though to say ‘she might not be here, but I always will be’.  _

_ Daisy felt someone take her hand and smiled to herself.  _

_ “It never stops being magnificent.” Jemma said, resting her head on Daisy’s shoulder.  _

_ “And it never will.” _

* * *

_ “What happened to us, Jems?” Daisy asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the dorm after the twins had left. Jemma looked up to Daisy.  _

_ “What do you mean?” _

* * *

_ “Did they arrive?” Daisy asked excitedly as Jemma and Fitz approached. Jemma nodded excitedly, holding out a piece of paper, Fitz pulling out one of his own. Daisy jumped up to hug her. _

_ “Congratulations, Jems!” She squealed. Jemma pulled away, leaning her forehead against Daisy’s. _

_ “That’s Dr. Jemma Simmons, PhD to you, Daisy May.” _

* * *

_ “You’re so old.” Was all Daisy said to her as she handed her a messily wrapped present. Jemma looked up from her laptop, smiling at Daisy.  _

_ “Thanks, babes.” she said, putting it on her bedside table. When she saw Daisy’s confusion she explained. _

_ “I’m waiting for everyone to be here, it’s more fun that way.” She told her. Daisy nodded and perched on Jemma’s bed next to her, resting her head on Jemma’s shoulder as she watched her type.  _

_ “What ya working on?” Daisy asked. _

_ “Dissertation number 2.” Daisy nodded. _

_ “I’m almost done with mine.” She said. Daisy shifted so her head was resting on Jemma’s chest and an arm was slung over her waist.  _

* * *

_ “We’ll have each other’s backs no matter what, right?” Daisy said, her head against Jemma’s, hands cupping her cheeks.  _

_ “No matter what.” Ali confirmed, her stomach twisting uncomfortably. _

* * *

_ Jemma’s eyes met Daisy’s, the pair coming to an understanding, finally both on the same page. Daisy closed her eyes hesitantly, almost nervous to see what Jemma would do. Soft lips came crashing against Daisy’s, she moved to hold Jemma’s face in her hands, smiling into her. Euphoria rushed through her. This. This is what years of waiting had been leading up to, to them, finally together, stars shining over them. Years of waiting, and it was absolutely perfect. Sweet kisses under the stars, barefoot on the grass, soft music surrounding them. _

* * *

_ “Are you scared?” Daisy asked, her voice wobbling over poorly contained tears. _

_ “Terrified.” Jemma confirmed, squeezing Daisy’s hand and looking her in the eye.  _

_ “But I’ll have you, and that makes the change more exciting. Knowing that we made it, that we get to see what we become.” Jemma said, smiling.  _

_ “For you, Jemma Simmons, it will have been worth it. Everything that’s gone down here, all the tears, all the laughter, all the gay ass pining. It was all worth it, every second of it.” Daisy said, tears falling down Jemma’s cheeks as Daisy kissed her lips softly, hand on her waist.  _

_ “I’d wait thousands of years for you, Daisy May. What’s half a decade?” Jemma smiled, leaning her forehead against Daisy’s, eyes closed as tears fell. _

_ “This is it, isn’t it? This is growing up.” Daisy said, the weight of the loss crushing her chest. _

_ “Growing up is different to this. Growing up is exciting, constant. This is moving on.” Jemma murmured.  _

_ “This hurts. This is our childhood we’re leaving behind, Jems.” Daisy said. _

_ “But aren’t you excited to discover? For moving on together? For new lives to be forged, new beauty to experience.” _

_ “With you, I’m excited for everything. As long as we’re together, as long as I have you.” Daisy said sincerely, cupping Jemma’s keep, absorbing every millimetre of her hazel eyes. _

_ “Always.” Jemma promised, kissing Daisy softly. _

* * *

_ “Daisy!” Jemma said excitedly, running towards her to hug her, Daisy quickly hugging back, pulling away to kiss her quickly. Jemma grinned, kissing her back as she took her hand.  _

* * *

_ “It’s okay. I’m okay.” Jemma smiled, part of her actually believing it was true. _

_ “No you’re not, Jems, but that’s okay as well.” Daisy said ruefully, opening her arms to hold Jemma. She leaned in, wrapping her arms around Daisy, both of them crying now, their tears meeting as they ran down their cheeks. Daisy leaned her forehead against Jemma’s, her eyes closed as she felt her breath on her lips. _

_ “It’s okay.” Jemma echoed, partially to herself. _

_ “I love you.” _

_ “I love you too.” _

* * *

_ Daisy and Jemma held hands, an unacknowledged agreement between them.  _

* * *

_ "Glad you did it?" Daisy asked as they wandered out, linking their arms. _

_ "Always." Jemma nodded, kissing her cheek. Her side stung a little, but it was worth it. Now she’d always carry her home with her, now she’d have to look no further than her right ribcage to be reminded of what matters, of the fact that she belonged, she had her family, and she loved them. _

* * *

_ "You can't say this isn't romantic." Jemma smiled, taking in the atmosphere, the lights and the moon, the stars above them, Ophiuchus visible. It almost felt less special, now they could see it more often. Stunning all the same, always giving Jemma goosebumps, but not quite what it used to be. _

_ "Yeah, this is pretty nice." Daisy grinned, memorizing Jemma's face all over again, every freckle, the scar above her eyebrow, the look of pure wonder in her eyes that Daisy saw every time she looked at the night sky, the stars softly reflected in her pupil. _

_ "You're so gorgeous." She muttered, squeezing her hand as they slid to a halt. _

_ "Are you flirting with me, Daisy May?" Jemma teased, blushing slightly. _

_ "Yas, absolutely I am. What else am I to do when a pretty girl comes a stumbling my way?" she said quietly, brushing a strand of hair off Jemma's face. _

_ "Well, I'd know. Just so happens that I wake up to one every morning." Jemma said smoothly, leaning into her hand. _

_ "Yeah? What would you recommend?" Daisy asked, smiling softly. God, she felt like the luckiest person in the world. The whole universe, and she met this girl, at this time, and here they were, ice skating under the stars. _

_ "I'd recommend that you take her hand," Daisy took her hand, "And you kiss her cheek," Daisy leaned over, kissing her cheek softly, letting her face rest against Jemma's, "And then I'd tell you to close your eyes, lean forward, and let her take over." She finished, barely louder than a whisper, kissing Daisy softly. Daisy smiled into her, kissing back quickly, bringing a hand up to run it through her hair, snowflakes falling around them.  _

* * *

“Wanda-” Daisy gasped as she pulled her out of it, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Quite the love story.” Wanda raised her eyebrows.

“Yeah.” Daisy agreed, wiping away a tear, “You didn’t even see that time she got shot.” Daisy laughed dryly, sniffling a little.

She was so, so, painfully, irrevocably, immensely in love with Jemma Simmons. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	46. We Don't Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skimmons angst, basically

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for nightmares, references to anxiety and depression, talk of death

_ “Please, Daisy, please don’t.” Jemma pleaded, tears rolling down her cheeks. _

_ “I’m a monster, aren’t I? You said it yourself.” Daisy said harshly, holding Fitz up against the wall by his throat, feeling his heart race in his chest. _

_ “Please, Daisy, let him go.”  _

_ “Why? Why should I? This is how you all see me anyway.” She said, gesturing to the unconscious bodies of their friends.  _

_ “Please, I know you love me, please.” Jemma sobbed as Fitz’s head lolled to the side, his eyes fluttering shut. Jemma screamed. _

_ “Say it. Tell me I’m a monster.” She hissed, approaching Jemma who was huddled on the floor, trembling. Jemma stayed silent. _

_ “Tell me I’m a monster, say you don’t love me!” She yelled, quaking her into the air. _

_ “I love you, Daisy.” Jemma whispered, silent tears falling as her bullet wounds reopened. _

_ “No! Say _ it _!” She seethed, ignoring the blood that was running down her hands, Jemma’s blood. _

_ “I’m sorry.” She whimpered as her eyes closed, dark patches of blood spreading across her shirt. Daisy felt her heart stop, felt it all, all over again. _

_ “No,  _ NO _!” She yelled, feeling the world quake around her. _

She woke with a start, the room rocking around her. Daisy wasn’t like the others when it came to nightmares; she didn’t scream, or cry. She just laid in bed, the events replaying before her, the room rocking around her. She didn’t want to look at Jemma, didn’t want to see her sleeping peacefully, that goddamn perfect smile lazily painted on her lips, didn’t want to see how young she looked when she lept, how carefree, how burden free. The burden she carried in wake was Daisy’s fault anyway.

She sighed, willing the vibrations to stop, groaning in frustration when they didn’t comply. She sat up, pulling on joggers and a sports bra as well as her sneakers, avoiding even looking at Jemma as she left, the quakes following her. 

“Dee?” Someone called from their room. Daisy didn’t say anything, just left in a hurry, setting off at a sprint, the sun rising on her heels. 

She saw it, saw her, dead on the floor by Daisy’s hand, over and over again, felt herself kill Jemma, felt herself become that  _ monster _ all over again. The quakes didn’t stop, she could feel the earth shaking under her feet. She ran, she kept on running, running so no one could find her, running so she couldn’t hurt them, could never hurt them. She collapsed on the ground by the lake, the one over the hill, collapsed under the weight of the sky, felt trees fall around her, felt the water rise and fall. She gasped, sobs quickly building in her chest, because this is what she  _ was _ now. Nothing but a Hydra weapon gone wrong. 

The quakes built up again, Daisy unable to hear anything over the rumble, couldn't even hear her own cries, her own screams. It wasn’t supposed to get this bad, it didn’t anymore, she was supposed to be  _ better _ , but them, they were back, and they were coming for her, and they could, they would make her into a monster.

She split trees apart, made them fall at her feet, not even reacting to them, to their mighty thuds as they fell. The lake was wild, waves spilling onto the bank, water spitting over Daisy, the epicentre of the destruction. She threw her hands out, desperate to be rid of the quakes, just wanting to expel the last of her energy, With one final scream she got rid of it, making the lake rise into one huge wave, more trees crack, until she fell to the floor with one heavy sigh, letting the particles rest, her heart hammering in her chest. 

She sniffled, sitting up as she took in the damage. The lake was still settling, the water still rising and falling, about 7 feet if she had to guess. She’d formed a clearing in the trees, the hill now had a crack down the middle where she’d split the ground in half. The Academy would be fine, it was a mile or so away, and all the buildings were secure, but they would’ve felt the quakes. Her phone rang. She ignored it. It rang 5 more times, she ignored it. Eventually, her mom just texted.

‘5 on the richter scale, call me.’ 

“How’d you know it was me?” She asked as she picked up the phone.

“Call it motherly instinct. You okay?” She asked.

“Fine. Casualties?” She asked bluntly.

“Too soon to know, but you’re too far out to affect anywhere but The Academy. They’ll have felt it. What happened?” She asked gently. Daisy groaned as she stood up.

“What happened is that I destroy perfectly lovely lakes when I’m stressed.” She sighed, taking in the all new clearing. 

“Daisy.” Her mom said blankly.

“Nightmare, killed Jemma. And Fitz. And everyone else, actually.” She mused.

“Baby…” Her mom started.

“I’m fine, just stressed about Ivan n Hydra or whatever.” Daisy interrupted.

“I know. We’ve got it under control.” Daisy laughed at that.

“Sure you do.” She felt like she qualified to know just how shit Hydra really was. Even if she had killed a bunch of them. Really easily. When she was 16. 

“It won’t happen again, xiaohua.” May promised. 

“You don’t know that.” She said bitterly, “There’s something you’re not telling us, mom, and I know that it’s classified, or whatever, but I’m  _ dangerous _ . And I’ll be even more dangerous if they get me.”  _ Especially since even if they kill you, they can bring you back _ , May thought sadly. It wasn’t right, she was only 19.

“We won’t let that happen.” May just said.

“I know. But, mom, you gotta promise, if they get me and they wipe me, can you-” Daisy paused, “Can you kill me?”

“Daisy-”

“No, I’m too dangerous, and please, I want it to be you.” She implored.

“I will  _ never _ kill you, Daisy, I couldn’t even hurt you.” May said.

“It wouldn’t be me.” She said quietly.

“If it comes to that, I’ll get you out, I’ll find a way.”  _ Family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten. _

“I don’t wanna be a monster, please, mom.” She tried, her voice so small, so young, so tired.

“You’re not a monster. You could never be a monster, no matter what.” 

“Please, if there’s no other way, if it’s me or my family, me or our family, you need to choose them.” Daisy begged, “I can’t hurt Jemma again.” She said, half to herself.

“If it comes to that, I’m gonna get you out. I  _ will _ find a way. I promise, okay?” 

“Even if that means shooting me in the head?” Daisy asked, May slightly disturbed by her bright tone.

“I will never shoot you in the head. But I will find a way, okay?” 

“Okay.” Daisy agreed.

“You want me to stay on the phone?” May asked.

“I’m okay. Love you, mom.” She said, hanging up. She sighed, sitting back down. The lake had settled now, as though nothing had happened. The trees told a different story. She sat back in the grass, moving away from the hill where there were still rocks falling. She laid back, closing her eyes slightly nervously, her mind, as expected, instantly overwhelmed by gunfire, screams, blood. She opened them again, the sun glaring down at her. 

So, it was like  _ that _ .

* * *

Jemma awoke with a scream, desperately reaching for Daisy, for confirmation that she was still there, that she still had her. She sat up, tears still streaming down her face, her heart racing. Daisy, where was Daisy? 

“Jemma?” Bella asked as she opened the door.

“I-I need… I need-” She tried to say, but it was like her tongue was tied.

“Dee left at 5, didn’t you feel the quakes?” Bella frowned. It hadn’t happened for a while, not that she was surprised. Stressful times and all that, “Are you okay? I heard you scream?” She walked over to sit next to Jemma.

“I need her, please, I need to know, I can’t, please Bella.” She begged, hyperventilating, tears welling in her eyes. She started rocking and rubbing her knuckles, an anxious habit, so Bella passed her a fidget cube which she took gratefully.

“Okay, okay, I’m gonna get her for you, yeah?” Bella said slowly, reaching for her phone.

“Do you wanna talk to her?” She asked as the phone rang.

“Can’t.” Jemma half whispered, shaking her head. 

“Okay, that’s okay.” 

“Hey, Dee.” Bella said brightly as the phone rang.

“Yeah, what?” Daisy asked, clearly fed up.

“Jay… I dunno, something’s wrong, can you uh-”

“On my way.” Daisy said.

“She’s coming. Hey, can you breathe with me?” Bella asked, directing her full attention to Jemma.

“I-I c-can’t I-” Jemma gasped, her hands jumbling so she dropped the fidget cube. 

“Hey, no, you’re okay.” Bella soothed, “Take my hands, yeah?” She said calmly, offering Jemma her hands. She took them, still crying, rocking steadily. 

“We’re gonna play a game, okay chérie?” Jemma nodded.

“I’ll say one number, you say the next, okay? We’ll go up in fives.” She said gently.

“5.”

“10.” Jemma said hoarsely.

“Good girl, 15.” Bella praised.

“20.”

“25.”

“30.”

“35.”

“40.”

“45.”

“50.”

By the time Bella said 725, Daisy was striding through the door.

“Daisy.” Jemma looked up to her, her eyes still puffy from crying.

“Hey, hun.” Daisy said slightly weakly. Jemma let go of Bella’s hands so she could collapse against Daisy, wrapping her arms around her waist. Daisy had to make a conscious effort not to flinch, jerk away.

“You okay?” Bella mouthed. Between her pained expression, tired eyes, and 5am quakes, she suspected Jemma wasn’t the only one negatively affected by the whole Ivan situation. Apparently Ava and Ed had known he was back since January, but the others had only found out after Ed started having the nightmares. That was 2 months ago; April. Now it was June, and Bella still wasn’t quite convinced that they knew  _ everything _ . Ed could barely look her in the eye. Daisy just shrugged a little, taking a hand up to stroke Jemma’s hair.

“I thought you were dead.” She sobbed, burying her face in Daisy’s stomach.

“I’m here, milaya.” Daisy soothed, her voice not quite meeting her eyes.

“Don’t go.”

“Never.” Daisy promised. Bella took that as her queue to leave, sliding away. Jemma stopped her.

“Thank you.” She said, making a conscious effort to meet her eyes.

“Always, Jem.” She said with a smile, leaving the pair alone.

“What happened?” Daisy asked as she lay next to her, Jemma quickly curling up around her.

“Bad dream. You died. It was you instead of me, back then, and you died.” She said numbly, resting her head against Daisy’s chest so she could feel her heart. 

“I’m here.” Daisy said quietly, trying so hard to control herself, to keep everything calm, everything stable. She shouldn’t be this close to her, not when she could kill her, so, so easily.

“Are you okay? Bella said you left.” Jemma sniffled, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Yeah, Jems. I’m fine. Although, the lake isn’t.” She said with a dry laugh.

“Bad days.” Jemma mumbled.

“Never a bad day, not with you.” Daisy tried.

“Bad days together.” Jemma settled for.

“What do you got in terms of classes today?” Daisy asked softly, running a hand through her hair.

“Marine bio at 11, biochem lab at 12, neurochem at 2, biomed theory at 4. How about you?” She asked.

“Missed training with Nat, so I got software engineering at 10.30, field tac at 12, holo-engineering at 2, AI lecture at 3, then training again at 4.” She mused.

“You up for it?” Jemma asked, hoping secretly that she wasn’t.

“Nah. You?”

“I’m sick.” She decided. 

“Same.” Daisy agreed, smiling a little.

“What happened?” Jemma asked, looking up at her.

“Nightmare. 5 on the richter scale, apparently.” Daisy admitted.

“You’re okay?” Jemma asked quietly.

“Not today.” Daisy shook her head.

“That’s okay. Sometimes you need to not be okay.” Jemma nodded, settling back into her. Daisy pulled the duvet up around them, rolling over to grab her phone.

“What’re you doing?” Jemma asked.

“Emailing.” Daisy mumbled, typing quickly. Jemma just groaned, closing her eyes. 

“Kay, all good.” She said after a minute or so, before wrapping an arm around Jemma.

They stayed curled up together for a while, Jemma eventually drifting back to sleep. Daisy didn’t follow, staying painfully awake the entire time, her subconscious torturing her with images of Jemma’s body in the hospital bed, Jemma’s blood on her hands. She was better, a few years ago a dream like that would’ve set her back months, the quake would’ve been far worse. She was better, she knew that, but she’d never forget, never be free of what she did.

Jemma muttered in her sleep, shifting so her leg was fully over Daisy’s, like a little koala, she thought, smiling at the image. Daisy watched her carefully, tuning so she could feel her heartbeat, like she used to. It became a thing of comfort, like a homing beacon. Because that’s what Jemma was, her home.  _ And you almost destroyed it _ . 

  
She didn’t, she had to remind herself. They were safe  _ But you’re not _ . The voice reminded her. Okay, fine, they weren’t safe, but they had each other. Sure, Hydra would probably come after them, sure, it could happen any day, sure, Ava hadn’t slept in weeks and Daisy was getting worse again, sure, Jemma and Bella were anxious wrecks again. But they had their family this time, and she had to hold onto that, hold on tight.  _ Because you almost destroyed it last time. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i forgot how angsty this was. sorry lol


	47. Sandwich God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy's twentieth birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No CWs (other than like,,, mentions of trauma)

“Do you want a cake tomorrow?” Jemma asked as she walked into their room, unfazed by Daisy being half naked in the July heat.

“Not really.” She shrugged.

“Eating problem, not liking cake problem, or heat problem?” Jemma asked as she pulled her jeans off, finding a pair of shorts.

“Not gonna lie babe, probably all of the above.” She said dryly. 

“Eating?” Jemma frowned as she tugged them on and flopped next to Daisy on their bed.

“Summer, not really hungry most of the time, brain is guilting me over food again.” Daisy said nonchalantly.

“Hm. What do you want instead of cake?” Jemma asked, filing away the eating thing for another conversation.

“Wait a sec, we’re not doing anything for my birthday, right?” Daisy asked suspiciously.

“Not a party, no, although Ali was rather upset about that. I just thought it would be nice to take a picnic over to the lake, invite C-Victor, and Fitz, of course.” Jemma said lightly.

“You mean the lake that I tore apart so the hill is now a safety violation?” Daisy raised an eyebrow. 

“That’s the one.” Jemma nodded, “I checked, the land has stopped shifting, and they’ve cleared all the trees. It’s safe now, besides, it’ll be fun. You only turn 20 once.” She said with a brief grin.

“Ugh, don’t even say that.” Daisy groaned.

“What, 20?” Jemma smirked. 

“You can hardly talk.” Daisy scoffed.

“The aging process doesn’t freak me out as much as you.” Jemma shrugged.

“What if I told you that this time next year we’ll have graduated.” Daisy teased.

“Then I would definitely cry and you should definitely not mention that.” Jemma said stiffly. 

“Not even sorry.” Daisy shrugged. 

“Great. Back to the point, what do you want instead of cake?” Jemma asked again.

“Surprise me.” Daisy decided.

“That is not at all helpful in any way shape or form.” Jemma retaliated.

“You know me better than I know me, come up with something.” Daisy shrugged.

“You’re impossible.” Jemma sighed.

“You love me.” Daisy grinned.

“Well yas, more than anything, but that doesn’t mean you’re not impossible.” She grumbled.

* * *

“I hate fucking walking, I hate the fucking sun, I hate the fucking outside, weather above 25º should be illegal.” Ali moaned as they all walked up the hill, Ed practically dragging her as they went. 

“You’re so Irish.” Daisy mocked as she strode in front of them.

“No, the English are the weather ones, Dee.” Bella called.

“Yeah, and the Irish are the sweary ones. Dear Alice is covering both grounds.” Daisy grinned.

“Don’t compare me to the English.” Ali advised as Ed pulled her along.

“Hey!” Jemma protested.

“Simmons.” Fitz said seriously.

“Yeah, alright.” Jemma conceded. 

“Honestly I’m still not convinced that they’re not all the same fucking thing.” Daisy mumbled to Kate who had Lucky at her side.

“I know, right?” She muttered back.

Everyone apart from Kamala, Lila and Oksana were there, they’d gone home to their families for the summer. America and Ava were carrying the picnic basket between them, having been left with it after everyone had left already. 

It was 32ºC and Daisy May was turning 20, a lake day was really the only obvious solution. Jemma, Ali and Fitz had packed the basket with sandwiches, crisps, cupcakes, chocolate, enough for everyone. Ed and Kate were both carrying picnic blankets under one arm, and Daisy was skipping ahead with Jemma, Bella and Fitz because she was the birthday girl. She had a tiara and everything.

“Dee this is really an impressive hole.” Kate said as they walked up the hill to the top, where they could see where Daisy had cracked the ground apart.

“Thank you, dearest.” Daisy smirked, “It was the result of a nightmare and crushing anxiety over Russians.” She grinned.

“Neat.” Kate nodded. 

“Daisy.” Jemma raised an eyebrow in warning.

“Yas?” Daisy asked innocently.

“Stop with the trauma jokes.” Jemma said with a sigh.

“Never.” Daisy smiled. 

They kept walking until they were over the hill, Daisy and America racing to the bottom with their powers. America let her win, totally what happened.

“Okay, Eds, Katie, can you lay the blankets out?” Jemma asked, nodding to them. They had two each, which was necessary considering there were ten of them (including Lucky). 

“Sure thing, tiny.” Kate grinned. Ed followed her to unravel the blankets, laying them out on the grass. 

“Okay, I have prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella for Fitz, the same for Ava with tomato, two avocado, tomato and mozzarella one on white, one on brown for the O’Connors, BLTs for Eds and America, Dais I made your ridiculous honey sandwiches, Kate, I got ploughmans for us.” Jemma said proudly, handing them all out as she talked. 

“She’s like a sandwich God.” Fitz mumbled.

“I know.” Bella muttered from next to him. She sat next to Ali on a blanket, Fitz sticking by her side. He’d usually be with Jemma, but she was with Daisy who was with Kate, and he didn’t know her. Ed sat next to Ava, who was next to Ali, America close by her side. They were in a constant argument over who was taller, Ed or Mack, no one could seem to decide. Kate sat next to America, Daisy sat next to Kate, Jemma completed the circle by ending up next to Fitz. 

“Hi.” She said brightly. 

“I love you.” He said.

“Love you too.” She smiled.

“Alright love birds.” Daisy rolled her eyes at them as she opened her sandwich.

“What-?” Kate frowned, but Ed shushed her.

“DJ are dating, Fitzsimmons are brother and sister, Daisy is weird, does that answer your question?” Ed asked.

“It does.” Kate nodded.

“I’m not weird!” Daisy pouted.

“You, my girlfriend, just told Fitz, basically my brother, to stop flirting with me.” Jemma pointed out. Daisy just stuck her tongue out at her.

“Mature.” America nodded.

“Well, I’m the third youngest.” Daisy told her.

“I’m the oldest.” Jemma grinned.

“When’s your birthday?” America asked.

“11th of September, yours?”

“Damn, 15th.” America sighed.

“What about you, Katie-Kat?” Ed nudged.

“March 21st, Aries.” Kate smiled.

“So older than the twins, younger than Eddie.” Jemma said.

“I guess.” Kate shrugged. 

“Vashenka eto the youngest.” Ed smiled.

“Well, they think so. No one is completely sure about my age. Ivan probably knows.” She smiled grimly.

“What does it say in your file?” Jemma asked.

“Just 2003, no date.” Ava shrugged.

“Strange.”

“Hey, at least that means you can’t tease me for being the baby anymore.” Fitz said happily.

“Oh, it absolutely does. Only Eds is allowed to tease Orlova.” Ali told him.

“Super.” Fitz grumbled.

“Lils is younger than you, I think.” Kate told Ava.

“Yeah, but she  _ seems _ older. It’s the mom friend thing.” Ava complained.

“Yeah, Lila’s always seemed like she was way older than me even though she’s like a year younger.” Daisy said.

“Wait, you know Lila from before?” Ali asked.

“Yeah.” Daisy confirmed, not offering any further information.

“How?” Ed prompted.

“Oh, right. Her dad knows my dad, I spent a couple months at the farm with her when we were kids, spent Thanksgiving with them one year as well.” Daisy explained.

“Right, your dad is Coulson.” Kate nodded.

“Yup.”

“Who’s Coulson?” America frowned.

“Uh, my dad, S.H.I.E.L.D. comms guy, probably wouldn’t know him.” Daisy said roughly, not quite sure how to describe him.

“So how come you’re Daisy May?” America asked. Jemma frowned, she actually didn’t know this one.

“Daisy May sounds better than Daisy Coulson.” Daisy laughed.

“So what’s your middle name?”

“Don’t have one. Yours?” Daisy asked, bored of answering questions.

“Don’t have one either.” America smiled.

“Hey, Eds, what’s yours?” Ali asked, poking her with her foot.

“Never gonna tell.” Ed smiled.

“It’s Maria.” Daisy said casually. 

“Hey! How’d you know?” Ed asked, shoving her playfully.

“Read it somewhere, must’ve been a file.” Daisy shrugged.

“Why didn’t you tell?” Bella whined.

“No one asked.” Daisy answered as though it were obvious.

“It’s been my goal for the last like 9 years.” Ali pouted.

“Oops.” Daisy said flatly. 

“We’ve known each other for almost ten years.” Jemma pointed out, studying the tattoo on her ankle. 7/9/2012. The date they met. 

“That’s half my life.” Daisy smiled.

“That’s  _ more _ than half mine.” Ava grinned.

“Ugh, I wish I could’ve known you then.” Kate groaned.

“No you don’t.” They all said simultaneously.

“Why not?” America frowned.

“I was more depressed than I am now, which is impressive.” Ed smirked. 

“We were aggressively Irish.” Ali smiled.

“We were also aggressively codependent.” Bella pointed out.

“And you’re not anymore?” Kate raised an eyebrow.

“It was worse.”

“Way worse.”

“What about you two?” America turned to Daisy and Jemma.

“Closested gay, masking autistic, very very anxious.” Jemma said.

“She was like a mouse in a microwave.” Ed said with a grin.

“What does that even  _ mean _ ?” Jemma spluttered.

“Squeaky, small, cute but ready to explode from pressure at any moment.” Ed laughed.

“Actually-”

“That’s not-” Bella and Fitz started at the same time.

“Okay, Hank Green.” Ed nodded.

“And you, Dee?” 

“Pining, whiny, sad.” Daisy nodded.

“Pining?” Kate asked.

“They took 5 years to get together because they’re utterly useless.” Fitz said, gesturing to Daisy and Jemma before going back to ripping grass out of the ground.

“Yeah, that’s a fair assessment.” Daisy nodded.

“Anyway, I didn’t have powers back then, very boring.” Daisy wrinkled her nose.

“You’d rather have them than not?” Ava asked.

“Without them I couldn’t do this.” Daisy grinned mischievously as she splashed a little fountain of water from the lake over Ava’s head. Ava screamed, flipping her hair back.

“Ewwwww.” She squirmed.

“Sorry.” Daisy said, although she didn’t look sorry at all. 

“What about you, Mac, would you get rid of them if you could?” Daisy asked.

“No. I can fly. Why would I get rid of that?” America frowned. 

“Vashenka?” Daisy asked.

“Yeah, they’re useless, and I only have them cos of Ivan.” Ava replied as she took her now damp shirt off, leaving her in a sports bra and skirt. 

“They’re not useless, you’re a Jedi.” Ali pointed out.

“I got the sabres, but I don’t even count as electrokinetic.” Ava frowned.

“What can you do though?” Jemma asked. Ava scrunched her nose.

“Fuck if I know.” She settled with.

“She can’t harness it, but she can affect it, and can control how she affects it. She’s not like Lincoln, though.” Bella said. 

“How do you know?” Ava asked.

“We designed your wee sabres.” Ali replied. 

“Yeah, speaking of. Can someone do me some new gauntlets?” Daisy asked.

“Well, babes, it’s your lucky day…” Ali grinned, nodding to Bella.

“Happy birthday, Dee.” Bella smiled, handing her a neatly wrapped box.

“These ones will help you sense vibrations better, and you can absorb waves if you want, like storing them for energy. They’re more finely tuned than the older ones, and we recalibrated them for you based on how your powers change over time.” Bella said proudly. 

“They’re also shinier.” Ali added.

“Yeah, can’t forget that sparkle.” Bella beamed. Daisy put them on cautiously, gasping at the feeling. 

“Woah…” She muttered. 

“We thought so.” Bella nodded.

“These are amazing, thanks.” Daisy grinned.

“De rien.” Bella nodded. 

“Ours kinda links with theirs.” Fitz murmured as he grabbed a box from the basket.

“Ours?” 

“I helped.” Jemma smiled softly. Daisy opened it, beaming as she pulled out a new tac suit.

“Your old one was getting worn down, probably something to do with Chavez, and with the whole Hydra thing I figured…” Fitz explained, cut off by Daisy wrapping an arm around him.

“Thank you, lover boy.” Daisy grinned as he rolled his eyes. 

“It’s got a prototype for a microthread I’m working with, it’ll prevent bruising when you use your powers, and should enhance the gauntlet’s ability to absorb waves as well.” Jemma said softly.

“Thanks, Jems.” Daisy smiled. 

“Sticking with the theme here, I guess.” Kate said as she handed Daisy a box. Daisy opened it to an arsenal of blades, knives, daggers, even a throwing star.

“Woah, Kit-Kat…” Daisy gasped as she surveyed them. 

“Jealous, dear?” She asked Ed as she leaned over to look. 

“Definitely. Although, it goes nicely with this,” Ed said with a wink as she handed her a box with a collection of various scabbards, little sheathes to hold knives in that strapped to her waist, or her leg, or her arm, all of various sizes.

“Damn.” Daisy breathed, “I’m gonna be terrifying.” She grinned.

“Already are.” Ava whispered.

“What’s that?” Daisy asked innocently.

“Nothing. Here you go.” Ava sighed, handing her a small box. It was nowhere near as cool as what everyone else had given her, but she’d completely forgotten about Daisy’s birthday.

“I’m really gonna scary.” She smiled as she pulled out fingerless leather gloves.

“Actually, they go pretty well with mine.” America said quietly, handing her the last present. Daisy pulled out a motorcycle helmet.

“Mac you didn’t.” Daisy gasped.

“I will let you ride my bike and will help you build yourself one  _ as long as _ you wear the fucking helmet, si?” America said with a sigh.

“Si, si.” DAisy nodded aggressively.

“Wow, Jay, got yourself a biker girlfriend.” Ali teased.

“We’re really going for the biker/ dark academia vibe then, okay.” Jemma nodded. 

“The vibes are immaculate.” Daisy grinned happily, slipping her gloves on. This was a good day, a day with family, just happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	48. Don't Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed meets with E.C.H.O. and D.E.L.T.A. to talk about the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk I don't think there are any CWs?

She’d only started her fifth year a week ago and Ed had already been called into a meeting with E.C.H.O. It had been forever since she’d heard about the mission, the details that May had promised proving to be non-existent. Bobbi had been around, which was good, but she couldn’t say anything, and Nat had been away more and more.

“Morning.” Ed said as she walked into the conference room, E.C.H.O. sitting across from her, all looking rather exhausted.

“Take a seat.” May said, nodding to a chair next to Bobbi. She smiled at her quietly, Ed not quite sure why no one was talking. She sat down, crossing her legs in her chair, taking note of everyone’s S.H.I.E.L.D. uniforms and how the girls had all tied their hair in the same low bun.

“Official business?” Ed guessed.

“Yup.” Trip nodded, popping the P.

“We’re here to give you an explanation regarding your mission with us in March, we’re still waiting on D.E.L.T.A..” Mack told her.

“D.E.L.T.A. weren’t even on the mission.” Ed frowned.

“Nat wanted to be here.” Bobbi told her quietly. 

“It’s bad?” Ed’s heart dropped.

“You asked to be included, Nat wanted to be here, that’s all I can say.” Bobbi told her, not meeting her eye. Ed tried not to groan in frustration, the bureaucracy was infuriating. 

“They’ll be here soon, then we can get started.” May assured her. Ed just nodded, fidgeting a little. Yo-yo offered her hand and Ed took it under the table, grateful for the small act of reassurance. Everything seemed too official, too polished, too cold. Trip wasn’t flirting with anyone, Mack wasn’t laughing, all their faces were set like stone. 

Ed tried to stay quiet, to stay still, to match the mood of the room, but she ended up drumming rhythms against Yo-yo's hand. She caught her smile slightly, so took that as permission to keep going, drumming out My Shot. Nat and Clint arrived eventually, neither of them wearing their uniforms, Nat’s hair hanging loose around her shoulders. Clint smiled over at her, before sitting next to May. Nat sat next to Bobbi silently.

“Right, forewarning, this meeting is being recorded.” May said, looking directly at Yo-yo, Ed and Nat, all of whom had gone off at her about how stupid the system was at one point or another.

“Why?”

“Hand.” Mack grunted. 

“Super.” Ed sighed, sitting back in her chair and releasing Yo-yo’s hand so she could fold her arms.

“So, this,” May handed her a file, “Is the mission report, for March 18th 2022.” She nodded at Ed to open it. It was pretty basic, a normal overview of what you’d see in a report; agents, assets, events, intel, combat, injuries, signed by May at the bottom.

“Yeah, and?” Ed asked. She’d read this a million times before.

“That’s all you know, the basics, there’s more.” May said gravely, turning on the holotable. 

“Jolly good.” Ed smirked, closing the file.

“First, Lincoln Campbell.” May started. Ed’s breath caught as he appeared in front of her, the same photo that was in the Hydra file. Bobbi nudged her a little, smiling at her with a slight nod.

“Thanks to you, we found out that he’s alive. However, he’s not the only resurrected inhuman, as you know, there are more. From what we can tell, they’ve been calling them ‘Adonis’.” Ed smiled slightly at that, her brain taking her back to her mythology phase,  “They’re brainwashed undead warriors. They’ve been enhanced beyond their inhuman powers, they’re being kept…” May brought up a map, “Here.” She said, zooming in on a building in Russia. 

“Ok. What else?” Ed asked.

“Somodorov.” Nat said, standing up. Ed looked at her.

“He’s working his way up in Hydra and in the Russian military. We’re talking List, Strucker, Whitehall level power.” Nat listed, pulling up E.C.H.O.’s file on Ivan, looking away when she saw his face. May moved the page down for her, before taking over.

“From what we can tell, he’s building a small army.. Mostly foot soldiers, ex-shield agents, Hydra members, military. However, these files,” May opened them, “Document their enhanced soldiers.”

“Enhanced, meaning..?”

“Inhuman, cyborg, super soldier, you name it, they got it.” Nat said dryly. 

“Chernaya vdova?” (The Black Widow Program?) Ed asked, looking up sharply.

“Da.” Nat replied, opening her mouth to keep talking but May stopped her,

“English, please ladies.” She said with a look at Trip who somehow, despite having practically lived with Bobbi Morse for almost 10 years, still did not speak Russian.

“Right, yeah. It’s the Red Room, Black Widow Ops Program, whatever you wanna call it. Lena, or, as you guys know her, Asset number blah blah blah, sent word saying that there are at  _ least  _ 20 new widows, all under the age of 14.” May raised an eyebrow at the ‘blah blah blah’, but left it, Nat looking sick enough talking about the program.

“Are they after Ava? You?” Ed asked.

“About that. They’re after all of you, we think.” Bobbi said calmly. Ed raised her eyebrows.

“Who?” She asked again.

“Me and Ava, they have files on Daisy and you as well.” Nat said quietly as she sat back down next to Clint. Ed’s mouth seemed to dry, her heart started racing. Them, Ivan, Ivan who made Ava scream, who made Ava cry, who destroyed her childhood. Ivan who broke Natasha, who robbed them of who they could’ve been, Ivan who made them marble. 

“M-Me and Daisy?” Ed stuttered, cursing herself for showing weakness, then chastising herself for doing so. 

“Yeah.” Bobbi nodded from next to her.

“How?” She asked, her eyes fixed on the ground. 

“All they got on Daisy is her powers and me as far as we can tell.” May said bluntly.

“And me?” Ed asked numbly.

“Pictures, videos, your files from the prep, combat assessments-”

“So basically you name it they got it?” She asked.

“Eds…” Bobbi tried.

“Yeah.” May nodded. 

“Super. What’s he doing with it, what does he want from us?” 

“With Ava and me it’s probably to reactivate our programming. I don’t know about you and May.” Nat told her gently. 

“So you called me here to tell me that me, my girlfriend and one of my best friends are all being threatened and stalked by a Russian Hydra mobster?” Ed deadpanned. Bobbi grimaced.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of it.” She nodded.

“Wait, you’re gay?” Kara asked, looking her up and down.

“I thought it was obvious.” Ed raised an eyebrow.

“It was, Mack owes me 20 bucks.” Kara said with a wink. Mack groaned.

“You didn’t know?” Ed asked him, shocked.

“Getting off topic.” May said smoothly.

“I thought we were done.” Ed frowned. 

“You need to sign an NDA.” 

“You’re kidding me? People are after Dee and Ava and I’m just… not supposed to tell them?” Ed asked exasperatedly.

“That was always part of the deal, Yesha.” Nat said smoothly, casting a look over at Bobbi. 

“Come on, Talia, it’s Ava.” Ed tried, looking her directly in the eye.

“I know.” Nat looked away, trying to cover up the guilt behind her eyes. 

“You also need to be on standby, we don’t know if we’re gonna need you.” May said.

“No.” Bobbi retaliated.

“No?” May raised an eyebrow. Yo-yo, Nat, Ed, she expected resistance from them, but Bobbi? This was new.

“No. The reason they know about her is a mission, we don’t need to give them an opportunity to take her whilst we’re on one. Ed stays here.” Bobbi said decisively.

“Hey!” Ed hit her arm.

“What?”

“How come you get to decide that?” 

“Fine, we’ll put it to a vote. Who thinks it’s a smart idea to bring a 20 year old walking target on missions with us to the centre of the bad guys’ bases?” Bobbi asked tiredly.

“No one ever.” Hunter said, speaking for the first time.

“Sorry little Morse, I’m with Bob on this one.” Trip shrugged.

“Yeah, it’s too dangerous.” Mack agreed.

“I don’t remember this being a democracy.” May said tightly, trying not to laugh. Vic would love this.

“What would you do if it was Daisy?” Bobbi asked softly. 

“Fine. We’ll leave her, unless absolutely necessary.” May agreed.

“Not cool.” Ed practically pouted, although she was actually glad to be staying with Nat and Ava. Her last mission hadn’t exactly been a success.

“Lo siento, niña.” Yo-yo said sympathetically. 

“Gratias.” Ed grumbled, keeping up the act.

“That’s all?” Ed asked.

“For now. Unless you want a breakdown of assets, bases, leaders, enhanced, missions-” May listed.

“I think I’m good.” Ed interrupted her. 

“Thought so.” May nodded, sliding a pen and paper across the table to her.

“How come I didn’t have to do this last time?” Ed asked as she scanned the document.

“You were on the mission last time. Anyway, it’s a lot bigger than just us now, there are other S.T.R.I.K.E teams in on it.” Bobbi told her, watching as she scribbled her name.

“How do you know they’re all S.H.I.E.L.D.?” Ed asked casually.

“What?” Trip asked.

“Well any of them could easily be Hydra and you’d have no idea.” She said simply as she wrote her name again, “Which means that y’all could be letting Hydra agents in on what intel, assets and plans you have.” She said, looking up to a table of shocked agents.

“Just some food for thought.” She shrugged, “Am I excused?” She asked May.

“Go ahead.” May nodded, burying her face in her hands as Ed strode out.

“The kid’s good.” Clint said as she left.

“The  _ kid _ pointed out what we’ve all been fearing for years.” Bobbi groaned.

“I like her.” Kara decided.

“Same.” Yo-yo agreed, smirking.

“Mom, can we keep her?” Trip asked, earning himself a glare from May. 

* * *

“So, thoughts?” Nat asked as she welcomed Ed into her apartment later that night, Bobbi already waiting patiently on her sofa.

“No thoughts, head empty.” Ed replied.

“Okay, gen z.” Bobbi laughed, moving over so Ed could sit down.

“Where’re the boys?” She asked.

“Out.” Bobbi shrugged. Nat sat next to her, tipping her head back and closing her eyes. 

“So, sestry, what do ya want?” Ed poked Nat in the ribs.

“Hey, I’m just here to see you, pretty sure Nat wants to give you the big sister talk or something.” Bobbi smirked. Nat winked an eye open.

“No, just wanna make sure you’re okay, with the whole Ivan thing.” Nat said tentatively, moving so her legs were crossed and she was facing both of them.

“Well, I got myself my very own psycho-stalker, I’m doing great.” Ed said sarcastically. 

“Eds.” Bobbi prodded, ignoring her walls, the ones that immediately flew up when someone tried to get close.

“It’s a lot. I’m glad you’re both here.” Ed admitted, eyes fixed in her lap.

“You need anything?” Bobbi asked softly.

“I don’t know.” Ed settled with, “I need to feel safe.” She said hesitantly.

“What do you need us to do?” Bobbi asked again, Nat letting her take over.

“Don’t go.” Ed pleaded, a phrase that had become all too frequent in her vocabulary recently. Something in her breaking as she asked. 

Why was it always these two who saw her at her weakest?

“We’re not going anywhere, promise.” Bobbi soothed, rubbing her shoulder. Ed leaned into her touch, letting a tear roll down her cheek. Ava was in danger, Daisy was in danger, and Ed could do nothing about it. She couldn’t tell them, she couldn’t fight for them, she couldn’t fight with them, she couldn’t protect them. Hydra was both of their worst nightmares, and Ed couldn’t do anything about it.

“You want a drink?” Nat asked her. Ed just pulled her in by her arm, Nat wrapping it around Ed’s shoulder, exchanging a look with Bobbi.

_...We have a child _

_ Shush, Tasha, cuddle the baby. _

“Stop having eye sex it’s weird.” Ed mumbled as she buried her face in Bobbi’s chest, letting Nat wrap an arm around her middle.

“I assure you, there is no eye sex going on here.” Nat laughed dryly.  _ If only _ .

“Sure, babe.” Bobbi said with a wink.

“You’re literally married.” Ed said, her voice muffled.

“I know.” Bobbi sighed. 

“To a  _ man _ .” Ed continued.

“The baby has a point, you’re very straight.” Nat whispered, expecting Ed to protest being called baby. She didn’t.

“A tragedy.” Bobbi sighed. Ed didn’t say anything, just grabbed the remote from the other side of Bobbi and turned the TV on, reaching for a blanket from Nat. She handed her one, her and Bobbi following Ed’s lead as she nestled underneath it, her head on Bobbi’s chest, Nat holding her closely. Much better way to recover from finding out some weird S.H.I.E.L.D. shit than crying on the ground in Bulgaria, she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	49. The T Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Ava go ice skating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for mentions of trauma

"Take me out, lover girl." Ava said dreamily as she gazed out of the window at the snow. 

"Like with a rifle or on a date?" Ed asked, utterly unfazed as she didn't even look up from her laptop.

"Date first, shoot me in the head later." Ava decided. 

"Hm. Alrighty, where do you wanna go?" Ed closed the laptop.

"I want to take you ice skating, and then I want to get hot chocolate, and then I want to come home and watch Christmas movies, da?" Ava asked.

"Da." Ed smiled, standing up to pull a coat on. 

"Oh, and you can't mention the mission, Ivan, or S.H.I.E.L.D. for the rest of the night." Ava continued.

"I assume that means that trauma jokes are also off the table?" Ava just rolled her eyes. 

"Well if I can't then you can't." Ed protested.

"I don't do the trauma jokes thing, that's just the rest of you who clearly find laughing about that time Jemma almost died utterly hilarious." Ava frowned. 

"Hey, that is  _ funny _ , getting shot is the epitome of hilarious, ask Jay." Ed defended, pulling her hair out of its ponytail and sliding a beanie on.

"I don't need to ask her, wanna know why?" Ava asked.

"Why?"

"Because I heard her scream about it every night for the first  _ year _ of living with you, that's why." Ava said bluntly. It was Ed's turn to roll her eyes, knowing full well that what happened to Jemma was the  _ opposite  _ of funny, but hey, if they didn't laugh they'd cry. 

"Speaking of trauma-"

"No, that's exactly what I don't wanna do." Ava cut her off.

"Fine, but remind me later, kay?" Ed asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Fine." Ava agreed. 

"Going out, be back later!" Ed called as they left.

"I'll miss you." Ali shouted from her room.

"Miss you too baby." Ed replied, following Ava out the door.

"You're more dating than we are." She smirked as Ed followed her down the corridor.

"And have been for like 8 years." She agreed.

"Hey, how long have we been together?" Ava frowned as she tried to figure it out.

"First time was only like 6 months, second time has been like 3 years?" Ed asked.

"That's a while." Ava nodded.

"Wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else." Ed grinned, taking Ava's hand. 

"Love you." Ava hummed.

"Love you too, milaya." Ed replied, squeezing her hand. 

"So, we're going to the lake?" Ed asked as she followed her out.

"Yup. Jems told me there's ice skating there, and you know, thanks to the t word I'm super good at that, so I figured we'd go." Ava nodded.

"I don't even wanna know how those two things correlate." Ed shook her head.

"Oh, just the usual winter murder sport, my childhood was fun." Ava said mildly. 

"Meanwhile I was off in Ohio living a suburban dream." Ed said wistfully.

"I thought you lived in Italy?" Ava pointed out.

"Moved to France when I was 9, then Italy, then back to good ol’ Ohio. Work stuff." Ed shrugged.

"God, must've been so weird, having parents who had work stuff and like pets and a sister and a normal life." Ava laughed.

"Do you want that?" Ed asked seriously, "Because I swear if that's what you want I'd drop everything and go live in the suburbs with you and our cats." Ed promised.

"No. Not when I can stop what happened to me from happening to anyone else. Maybe one day." She mused. It would be nice, a white picket life, kids, bikes, cats. 

"Yeah, maybe one day." Ed smiled. Anything for her. After what she'd been through, God knew she deserved a halfway normal life. It killed Ed, both of them being targets, knowing that wherever they were, he was probably watching and there was nothing she could do about it. Once this was over, whenever Ava wanted it, she deserved a life. Ed owed her that.

"Where would we live?" Ava asked softly as they left the building, snow falling fast.

"Somewhere halfway nice, like Sweden or Norway." Ed said thoughtfully. 

"Not America?" Ava frowned. Ed laughed.

"God no. Everything sucks there." She shook her head, "No, if we're gonna settle down we'll do it right, somewhere peaceful." Ed decided. 

"Well, definitely not Russia." Ava joked. 

"No. We could go back though, if you wanted to, once the guy who must not be named is gone." Ed said quietly.

"Maybe. Not for a while, though, maybe when I'm ready to say goodbye. We could bring Nat, she'd like that I think." Ava thought out loud. The thought of her and Ed visiting The Red Room in ten years, Ava having made peace with it, was almost funny, so unthinkable. The notion that she'd ever voluntarily return, even if it was for closure, was still so far fetched.

"I think she would." Ed smiled softly. 

"Would you guys ever go back to the prep?" Ava asked lightly. 

"I would. I think Bella would like to teach there, one day, anyway. We grew up there, it was a happy place usually, it just kinda ended badly." Ed shrugged.

"What about DJ? Would they?"

"Dunno. Probably." Ed didn't offer any more information, so Ava let it be. It might've been happy usually, but she knew that painful things happened there. Ed hadn't told her about Bobbi getting shot until the second time around, but Ava could tell it still bothered her, let alone the whole Hydra thing. Although, when she first met them all, Ed did seem the least damaged by it. Oh, how the turntables turn.

“How’re you not cold?” Ed whined as she shivered in her coat. They were walking up the hill, both of them slightly wary of the ice and the remaining cracks in the ground.

“Russian.” Was all Ava offered in response.

“Scotland is hardly warm.” Ed grumbled.

“Fine, Russian  _ assassin _ .” Ava corrected herself.

“Well, I’m definitely not a Scottish assassin.” Ed smirked.

“You’re not an assassin.” Ava said crisply.

“Well, neither are you anymore.” Ed pointed out. Ava sighed.

“Once an assassin, always an assassin moya dorogaya.” 

“You sound like Nat.” Ed grinned.

“A wise woman.” Ava nodded solemnly. 

“About as mentally stable as I am.” Ed laughed.

“Mental stability is overrated, I don’t know any mentally stable people.” Ava said lightly.

“Sana’s mentally stable.” Ed frowned.

“You haven’t seen them after one of their depression binges, had to drag them out of their room.” Ava told her. 

“Fine, what about Lila?” Ed tried.

“Their version of Jay.” Ava replied steadily.

“Katie?”

“Fucking insane.”

“Mac?” 

“Gay.”

“Fucking Kams?” 

“Straight.” Ava said sincerely. Ed chuckled a little, shaking her head at her. 

“You sound so American.” She laughed. Ava gasped.

“Ya ochen' obizhen na eto zamechaniye.” (I take great offence to that remark.) She gasped, throwing a gloved hand over her chest.

“And now you sound English in Russian.” She teased.

“Better than American.” Ava smirked.

“That’s fair.” Ed agreed. They were almost over the hill now, the lake was beneath them, lit up in its usual orange glow, an underpaid comms kid freezing behind a counter.

“Ehi, Franco. Due, per favore.” (Hey, Franco, two please.) Ed said happily as they approached the counter.

“Ciao, Morse. Dimensioni?” (Hi, Morse. Sizes?) He asked boredly.

“Otto e dieci, grazie.” She smiled as he handed them their skates.

“Ci sono armadietti là dove puoi lasciare le tue cose.” (There are lockers over there where you can leave your stuff) He gestured to them.

“Sì, grazie.” She winked, sliding him a tenner. He looked cold. 

“You speak Italian?” Ava asked.

“Did you miss the part where I lived in Italy?” Ed raised an eyebrow.

“Fair.” Ava nodded. 

“So, what’re you like the master of skating?” Ed asked as she pulled her skates on.

“I wouldn’t say I’m the  _ master, _ it was more of a kill or be killed situation.” Ava said casually. 

“But can you do the fun twirly things?” Ed asked. They’d been skating together before, and Ava had seemed comfortable on the ice, but Ed had been afraid to ask. Ava rolled her eyes.

“Yas babe, I can do the fun twirly things.” Ava nodded.

“Cool.” Ed nodded her approval.

“What about you?” Ava asked as she stood up.

“What do you mean?” Ed frowned.

“Can you skate?” Ed pouted.

“I am a woman of many talents.”

“Skating isn’t one of them?” Ed shook her head.

“It’s fine, I’ll teach you. I’ll try to avoid Madame’s murder tactics as well.” She smiled, biting her bottom lip as she stepped onto the ice. Ed followed her, wobbling as soon as she stepped onto the ice. 

“Woah, easy.” Ava said calmly, taking her hands, “It’s slippier than that it looks.” She advised. 

“Yeah, no shit.” Ed groaned as she tried to stand.

“Distribute your weight evenly.” Ava told her, holding her forearms, “And close your legs, dear, it’s unbecoming.” She teased. 

“Whatever.” Ed dismissed as she stood up, keeping her weight on both feet.

“There you go!” Ave exclaimed, applauding her through her gloves.

“How do I move?” Ed asked impatiently.

“You take tiny little steps and you don’t do the running man.” Ava instructed, demonstrating. Ed tried to copy her, but did exactly what she was told not to do, essentially just topping herself over so she landed flat on the ice. 

“Ow.” She whined from the ground.

“C’mon, Yesha.” Ava said, offering her hand. 

“Spasiba.” Ed muttered as she stood again, part of her just wanting to sit on the ice and watch Ava. 

“You’re welcome.” Ava smiled comfortingly. “Okay, again?” Ava nodded at her skates. She tried again, mocking Ava as she shifted from foot to foot, eventually taking a tiny step. 

“There you go!” Ava praised proudly, taking a step back for every step Ed took forward. 

“How can you go backwards?” Ed whined.

“Again, Eds, it was skate or die.” Ava said bluntly.

“Right.” Ed nodded. She kept taking baby steps forward, gripping to Ava’s hands for dear life, until she could sort of glide a little, shifting her weight easier.

“I’m gonna let go, da?” Ava checked.

“Da.” Ed nodded, letting go of her hands so she could hold her arms out by her side. Ava beamed at her, gliding smoothly so she was next to her.

“Go on, do some cool shit.” Ed pleaded. 

“Lebedinoye ozero ili Shchelkunchik?” (Swan Lake or Nutcracker?) Ava asked as she glided out to the centre of the ice, scaring away a couple second years.

“Wouldn’t know the difference.” Ed called, beaming as she started. 

She started off as Madame taught her, her mother beaming from the edge of the lake (or so Ava thought). She glid around the edge of her make believe rink, building up momentum for her opening leap. It was a double twist, although Ava doubted she could still do it. The world rushed around her as she jumped, air soaring around her ears. She aimed for a single and landed it, swooping to the ground and gliding back upright. She swung her leg up being her, gathering energy to leap into another spin, and then another, comparable to piques in ballet, only in the air rather than on pointe. Ed watched as she glided seamlessly from foot to foot, each one forming a graceful arabesque behind her as she transferred her weight, her arms splayed at her sides.  _ Like a swan _ . 

She opened herself up into a split leap, Ed’s jaw dropping as she practically took flight, astonishing herself with her own power. She did another row of piques, before transferring to one foot,  _ ne dostatochno khorosho,  _ Madame told her. She’d show her. She ducked her head, lifting a leg behind her as she spun on one foot, opening her shoulders, graceful as she’d been taught. She sighed, bringing herself out of the spin with a final shift, her arms floating beside her. She focused on her lines on her way back, everything extended, as pretty, as petite, as perfect as she could be.

Ed applauded her as she came back. 

“That was amazing!” She praised her as she skated over, seemingly weightless. 

“Nebrezhnyy.” (Careless) Ava chastised herself.

“Net. Ideal'nyy, eto bylo prekrasno, a ty idealen.” (No, perfect. It was perfect and you are perfect.) Ed grinned, resting her arms on Ava’s shoulders.

“Ty tak dumayesh'?” (You think so?) Ava asked nervously.

“Vsegda.” (Always.) Ed nodded, kissing her softly.

“Ty ideal’nyy.” (You’re perfect) Ava sighed blissfully as she kissed her back, gliding backwards so they were spinning a little as they kissed. 

“V, etot moment eto prekrasno.” (This, this moment is perfect.) Ed hummed, learning her forehead against Ava’s, in a state of awe. She’d never stop amazing her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	50. We Lie For a Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed Skypes E.C.H.O.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No CWs :) 
> 
> sorry this is so short lol

“Hi.” Ed grinned as Bobbi appeared on her screen, Yo-yo next to her.

“Hey.” Bobbi greeted.

“Heya.” Yo-yo nodded.

“So, what’s new?” Ed asked slyly.

“Nothing that we can tell you.” Bobbi said firmly. Ed just groaned.

“Seriously, I’m sure my new psycho stalker boyfriend would want me to know.” Ed rolled her eyes.

“Your what?” Yo-yo half choked.

“It’s what she calls Ivan because she can’t take anything seriously apparently.” Bobbi told her pointedly.

“Hey, I can’t tell anyone anything, if I don’t laugh I  _ will _ cry.” Ed shrugged, fiddling with the toggle on her hoodie. She was in her room, everyone was out so she could speak freely.

“Lo siento, hermana.” Yo-yo tutted.

“‘S’alright.” Ed brushed her off.

“How’s Ava?” Bobbi asked, moving the conversation on.

“She’s fine, scared though.” Ed said, pulling her mouth into a tight line. 

“Ava?” Yo-yo asked.

“My girlfriend. Red Widow.” Ed said nonchalantly. Yo-yo looked at Bobbi.

“Are you telling me that your sister, her girlfriend, one of your best friends, and May’s kid are all directly involved in the mission?” Bobbi nodded.

“Damn.” Yo-yo shook her head.

“What?” Ed asked.

“Nothing.” Bobbi said quickly.

“Someone’s got emotional attachments.” Yo-yo teased in a sing-song voice.

“It means that I’m better motivated!” Bobbi justified. 

“What if you can’t do what needs to be done?” Ed asked. Bobbi looked at her.

“Who’s side are you on here?” She asked exasperatedly. Ed inhaled deeply,

“Trust the system, xiaohua.” She said in her best May voice. Yo-yo sniggered. 

“Xiaohua?” She wheezed through her laughter.

“Daisy.” The sisters said together.

“Little flower.” Ed translated.

“That’s kinda cute.” Bobbi mused.

“Mommy issues.” Ed sang. 

“Daddy issues.” Bobbi shot back.

“Codependency.” Yo-yo didn’t sing. 

“Hey!” They said simultaneously.

“Tell me I’m wrong.” Yo-yo said blankly.

“And we were like, we know, but hey!” Ed smirked. 

“I- I don’t get it.” Yo-yo frowned.

“John Mulaney.” Ed said as though it was obvious.

“Gen Z.” Bobbi sighed.

“Right. I, unlike you two, was born  _ before _ 1990.” She smirked. 

“I mean, you also have better things to do than sit around watching John Mulaney.” Ed reasoned.

“True. You’ll graduate in July though, that’s only 7 months.” Bobbi pointed out.

“Yup, then it’s E.C.H.O. here I come and I can know  _ all _ the secrets.” She said happily.

“You still won’t be able to tell anyone.” Bobbi warned her.

“They’ll be agents too.” Ed pouted.

“Difference clearance levels. Anyway, a Sci-Tech agent wouldn’t be able to access an Ops file.” Bobbi scrunched her nose.

“Ava?” Bobbi looked away.

“Depends on where she’s placed.” Yo-yo told her smoothly.

“And where might that be?” Ed asked suspiciously.

“Classified.” Bobbi enunciated. 

“I hate everything.” Ed huffed. 

“Soon, Eds, promise.” Bobbi said sincerely.

“Soon I’ll know or soon shit’s gonna go down?” Ed asked nervously. Yo-yo just shrugged.

“Hard to tell.” Bobbi whacked her. 

“Shush.” Bobbi told her. Yo-yo grinned. 

“That Dora?” Someone asked in the background. 

“Yeah.” Bobbi nodded, shuffling over so Mack could sit next to her.

“What did you just call me?” Ed laughed.

“Adora, you know, She-Ra?” Mack asked, ignoring Ed’s face.

“Why?” She asked, utterly dumbfounded.

“You’re tall, blonde, gay, and have a sword.” He said as though it was clear as day.

“Right.” Ed nodded, “And why are you watching She-Ra?” She raised her eyebrows.

“Kara.” All three of them said.

“A woman of excellent taste.” Bobbi sighed. 

“Well-” Bobbi held up a hand to stop him.

“A woman of excellent taste.” She said again. 

“He loves it really.” Yo-yo winked at Ed. 

“So what, that makes Ava Catra?” Ed asked. 

“Who’s Ava?” Mack looked around.

“Girlfriend.” The girls all said. 

“Not very Catra though. We didn’t have an enemies to lovers arch.” Ed said. 

“Shame, would’ve suited you.” Yo-yo commented.

“Thanks.” Ed smiled. 

“She’s not very Catra.” Bobbi agreed. 

“Is that the kid?” Someone else called. Hunter, Ed realised.

“Don’t call me kid.” She shouted down the microphone. 

“So yes.” He said, perching on Mack’s knee, beer bottle in hand.

“Hey, Hunter.” Ed sighed. 

“Nice to see you too.” He grumbled. Bobbi rolled her eyes.

“Play nice.” She scolded. 

“I’m being bullied.” Hunter pouted, “By literally everyone, all the time.” He whined. 

“You love us.” Yo-yo rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, being the walking target of the team is great.” He said sarcastically, “Speaking of walking targets, how are you, dear?” He asked Ed with a bright smile.

“Ha ha.” Ed said dryly. 

“Hunter!” Bobbi yelled, looking at him incredulously. Mack and Yo-yo just sat completely shocked.

“Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.” He shrugged.

“We were talking about children's cartoons.” Bobbi said.

“Oh. Well.” He said dumbly. “Sorry.” He apologized sheepishly.

“It’s fine. Maybe I should get myself a target hat, make it a little easier for them.” Ed said smugly.

“Eds.” Bobbi said blankly. Mack and Yo-yo looked mildly horrified.

“Just trying to lighten the mood.” She said innocently, “Anyways, gotta go. Love you Elena, Bob, Mack. Bye Hunter.” She said happily, signing off the call and massaging her temple with her hands. At least someone said it.

“Edie…” Ed snapped around to see Daisy with Ava standing at the door.

“Daisy…” Ed imitated her.

“What was that about walking targets?”  _ Oh. _ Ed cursed herself.

“Nothing, just Hunter being lovely.”  _ We’re spies, we lie for a living. _

“You sure?” Daisy asked slowly. Ed looked to Ava, flinching at her expression, betrayal written over her face.

“100%. If it was anything more I’d tell you.” She said happily.  _ Oh, and also you’re both wanted by the guy who tortured little girls for decades, Ava included, so that he can brainwash you and use you as weapons _ . 

“Okay.” Daisy nodded, leaving to go shower. Ava stayed hovering at the door. 

“Yeah?” Ed asked.

“If you’re lying to me… ”Ava started, her voice trailing off.

“I know what you’ve been through, baby, I wouldn’t.”  _ We’re spies, we lie for a living. _

“You know what I said to Nat when I found out he was back?” Ava asked dully, her eyes fixed on the floor. 

“Tell me.” Ed said inquisitively, closing her laptop so she could face her.

“I said ‘You keep her safe. Klyanus' bogom, Tasha, esli s ney chto-nibud' sluchitsya’.”(I swear to God, Tasha, anything happens to her...) Ava said numbly, her hands cold at her sides.

“Okay…” Ed said.

“I swear to fucking  _ God _ , Edie, if  _ anything _ happens to you I will not be able to  _ live _ with myself.” Ava practically spat, her words burning. 

“I’m fine. Just Hunter.” Ed said calmly.  _ We’re spies, we lie for a living. _

“You’d tell me if you weren’t?” She asked, the distrust in her eyes breaking Ed’s heart. She was right though, she couldn’t trust Ed. 

“Absolutely.” Ed nodded, opening her arms for Ava. She walked over, sitting on her lap, head on Ed’s shoulder.

“I love you.” She said hoarsely.

“Love you too, Vashenka.” Ed said softly, holding back tears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	51. Families and Familiarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? More Ed angst (SOMEBODY STOP ME)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for self hatred, mentions of depression

Edie Maria Morse was growing to hate herself. It was a familiar feeling, the self disgust, the burning in her chest, the screaming in her head, all of her telling her she was bad, she didn’t belong, she  _ wasn’t enough.  _ It had resided comfortably in her for the first 16 years of her life, she just hadn’t bargained on it coming back again. 

It was building in her, eating her up all over again, consuming her, embracing her. And she was letting it. She was letting it, she was practically beginning it to eat her up, begging it to warm her with its icy embrace, begging it to make her its, because it was familiar, because self hatred came so easily. Because she was  _ sick _ , sick of keeping secrets, sick of lying to her friends, sick of Bobbi and her stupid kindness, sick of Nat and her hideous compassion, sick of them being so unwaveringly  _ kind.  _ She didn’t deserve it, couldn’t they see?

She knew she was a spy, she knew she should compartmentalize, she knew that a year ago she would’ve laughed at herself, wouldn’t have allowed herself to be like this, wouldn’t have allowed weakness. A year ago she didn’t know about Lincoln. A year ago she didn’t know about Ivan, she didn’t know about Hydra, and she was  _ better _ because of it. A better person, a better spy, a better friend. 

And she  _ hated _ herself. Hated how easy lying was becoming, hated how she still allowed herself to talk to them, hated how she lied to her therapist’s face every week, hated how twisted S.H.I.E.L.D. had made her, hated her undying loyalty to the organisation. They’d given her a home, a family, they’d given her Ava and Ali and Bella and Nat, they’d given her everything, everything she never thought she’d get, everything she didn’t believe she deserved. 

She hated herself as she woke up, as she turned over and saw Ava laying next to her, perfect. Always perfect, only perfect. Ed looked at her for a second, eyes running over her skin, her heart aching with guilt as her mind reminded her that she was lying, that everyday she lied to her, that every time she’d assured her that they were safe, that he couldn’t get them, it was fake.

She was heavy as she got dressed, as she made her morning shake, her shoulders almost missing the weight of the world. Something in her was gone, something she’d found after Hydra, something she’d had for a few years, something she was growing used to just as it was torn from her. Would it always be like this? Would happiness always be an uphill climb, would it never come easily, come naturally? Would it never be served to her on a golden platter like others seemed to have it? 

She ran her usual 10k, just around the campus, ignoring the February chill. Ava had overheard her on the phone a month ago, Ed had last been debriefed four months ago, she’d known about Lincoln for 10. And the entire time she’d been lying. The entire time she’d been faking smiles, Natasha telling her over and over,  _ we’re spies, we lie for a living. _ But this, this was different. This was Ava, and Daisy, this was her family, and they were in danger, and she couldn’t do  _ anything _ . 

Daisy and Nat ran past her a few times, Daisy wrapped up in about 3 jumpers and 2 pairs of socks, Nat looked at Ed inquisitively, noticing the look in her eye. They’d talk later. Ed was done by 6.35, not even praising herself for her speed. 10k in 35 minutes was good, even for her. She’d have to ask Nat her highest later. 

Ed had gotten into boxing more recently. She usually preferred to spar, or to shoot, or even strength training, but she was beginning to understand Daisy and Ava’s love for boxing, the solitude, the pain, the rhythm. She spent half an hour with the world swirling around her, her brain elsewhere as she was transfixed by the steady rhythm of her gloves hitting the bag.

“Hey.” She heard someone say. She turned around, her eyes on fire, “Woah, someone’s not happy.” Clint raised an eyebrow. Ed relaxed, scratching her brow.

“I’m fine, Legolas. What do you want?” She asked, itching to get back at it.

“Just to check in on my favourite student.” He shrugged. She rolled her eyes.

“Bobbi?” She asked. 

“Yeah.” He admitted, “She’s worried, allodala.” He said softly, meeting her eyes. Ed turned back around to face the bag.

“Then she can call me herself.” She muttered, going back to punching. 

“Well, she could if you picked up the phone.” He replied. She sighed.

“Why you?” She asked as she pulled off her gloves, reaching for her water.

“What do you mean?” He frowned.

“I mean she usually sticks Nat with this stuff, why you?” She repeated.

“Nat’s got her own stuff right now.” He said briefly.

“Right.” Ed nodded. Ivan.

“Anyway, you’re not a chore, uccellino.” He told her gently. 

“What is it with you people and calling me little?” She scowled. 

“Bobbi started that.” 

“Shocker.” Ed said quietly, sitting on the floor next to him.

“Make this quick, I have things to do.” She scrunched her nose.

“Charming, must be a family thing.” He laughed. Ed stared at him blankly,  “Right, sorry, getting to the point,”

“Yeah, the long way round.” She mumbled. 

“Okay, big sis is concerned because the baby hasn’t picked up a call in three weeks and Nat seems to have spent enough time screaming into the void to deduce that you are, in fact, depressed.” He recited. Ed rolled her eyes.

“Well, my friend, you can tell ‘big sis’ that I’ll call her back at some point, but between my raging ADHD and very little desire to talk to her, it won’t be anytime soon. And tell Nat that the void is wrong, I spoke to him yesterday.” Ed said smugly. 

“I know what you’re doing.” He said, his face dead straight.

“What I’m not doing is training.”

“What you’re doing is the same thing that Nat, Bobbi, Lils, Stark, even Captain fuckin America do.” Ed looked down.

“And what’s that?” She asked.

“Blaming yourself for everything and denying the fact with humour.” Ed cringed

“You sound like my therapist.” He laughed.

“I feel like everyone's bloody therapist.” He muttered.

“So, what do?” She asked, slumping back against the wall sullenly.

“Call her.” He mouthed, nodding to Ed’s phone. She didn’t pick it up, “What’s going on?” He asked softly. She started picking at her neck skin, so he passed her 1k dumbbell to flip around. She took it gratefully, flipping it over and over on the floor.

“I hate lying to Ava.” She said quietly. 

“And…?” He pushed. 

“And what?” She asked sharply, “And I have to lie to my girlfriend on a daily basis, my life is constantly endangered, I’m a shitty person, and my sister, the  _ one  _ person who I’d usually go to left me for  _ three years _ , so why would she unless she just didn’t want me? Is that what you wanted to hear?” She spat, looking him dead in the eye. 

“I mean, yeah, actually.” He said in surprise.

“Oh.” Ed said, deflating as she sunk back again. 

“Bobbi didn’t talk to you because she didn’t want to put you in danger. The life of an agent, it’s lonely, you make enemies. Family becomes a way for them to exploit you. May had them all over the place for years anyway.” Clint explained.

“See that’s the thing. You and Lila keep up, Daisy and Coulson are fine, but Bobbi and me?” Ed said bitterly.

“She’s young. Anyway, I’d be lying if I said that I was around enough for Lils and Coop when they were kids, let alone Nate.” Ed looked at him. 

“Really?” She asked.

“Really. She stayed away, and that sucks, but it’s not because she didn’t want you. It was the opposite. Anyway, she’s back now, make the most of it.” He told her, touching her shoulder as he left, leaving Ed teary sitting against a wall in a gym. She looked at her phone. Her phone looked back at her.  _ Well?  _ She didn’t deserve her sister. She’d spent the last month convincing herself that she didn’t deserve any of them, but maybe it wasn’t about what you deserved, maybe it was about taking what you’re given and running with it, because family is a fickle thing, you hold on tight and you run.

* * *

“Morse?” Daisy asked as she walked in, Ed still sitting on the floor, tears falling fast. She looked up as Daisy came in, brushing her tears away quickly.

“Yeah, May. Hi.” She said, standing up quickly. Daisy looked her up and down.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, still trying to get used to asking Ed that question.

“Happy tears. I guess. Kinda. It’s complicated.” Ed said hurriedly. 

“What happened?” Daisy asked, wrapping her jumper around herself.

“I called Bobbi.” Ed smiled waterily. 

“Ugh, thank fuck.” Daisy exhaled, “Proud of you.” She said with a smile. Ed smiled back, looking down.

“Thanks, Dee.” She nodded.

“Permission to hug you?” She asked, opening her arms warmly. 

“Permission granted.” Ed nodded, letting Daisy wrap her arms around her waist and lean on her shoulder. She found herself hugging back, relaxing into her. 

“I am proud you know.” Daisy told her.

“Of what?” Ed frowned.

“You.” Daisy said simply, “Last April, seeing you after that mission it was… Well, you know. And I know that you’re still not okay, and I know that shit’s scary, but I am proud.” Daisy told her, rubbing her back as she pulled away. 

“You know?” Ed frowned.

“Eds c’mon. We’re literally trained spies, and I’ve known you since you were 11. I know your signs, you haven’t called Bobbi since That Day in January, you barely talk to Nat, I know for a fact that you hardly sleep, and you’ve basically stopped talking to Bells, not that I wanna know why. It’s okay that you’re not okay.” She told her lightly.

“It kinda sucks though.” She sniffled. Daisy chuckled dryly.

“Trust me,  _ I _ know. Mission gone wrong was kinda my thing, remember?” Daisy smirked.

“I know.” Ed nodded.

“You are getting better, I promise.” Daisy said sincerely, leaning up to kiss her cheek before taking her hand, squeezing it lightly. 

“Thank you, Daisy. Really.” Ed said.

“Ain’t no thing bro.” And she was back. 


	52. Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lincoln's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for grief, mentions of depression

“Hey, Pepper.” Bella said as Pepper picked the phone up.

“Are you okay, Mads?” Pepper asked, her voice slightly panic stricken. Bella smiled at the name.

“I’m fine. Just a hard day.” She said tearily. 

“I’m sorry, sweetie. You know you can come here if you need to.” She said warmly.

“I know. Thank you.” Bella nodded to herself, sniffling.

“So, what’s the problem?” Pepper asked, shushing Tony who was in bed next to her.

“Lincoln’s birthday.” She said numbly.

“Oh.” Pepper said lightly.

“Yeah,” Bella sniffled, chuckling dryly, “Just kinda rough.” She said, her voice hoarse.

“I’m sure. What do you need?” Pepper asked gently.

“I’m okay, I just miss you.” She smiled.

“Miss you too, kid!” Tony yelled down the phone. 

“Hey, Tony.” Bella smiled.

“He’s been going insane without you around.” Pepper told her.

“I’ll come visit soon, promise.” Bella said sincerely.

“Well, we have plenty of room.” Pepper assured her. 

“I miss you.” She said again, quieter this time. She did. They’d taken her in, they’d looked after her, they’d seen her at her worst and they’d loved her unconditionally. 

“We miss you, sweetheart. You gonna be okay?” Pepper checked. Bella nodded, before realising they couldn’t hear her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just needed to talk to you.” She swallowed thickly.

“Call if you need anything.” Pepper said kindly.

“Or just call.” Tony added.

“Thanks,” Bella grinned, “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Pepper assured her before hanging up. 

Bella sighed, flopping back against her pillows and swallowing tears she could feel building. She shook her head, longing for him. That was something she hadn’t felt in a while, that intense desire for him, to see him, to know him again. He’d turn 21 today, he should’ve turned 21 today. She sighed, getting up and poking her head round everyone’s door, Ava and Ed had left already, Ali was asleep, so she opened Daisy and Jemma’s.

“Jems?” Bella asked in a small voice as she stood at Jemma’s door, shaking slightly, either from the cold or because of the day. 

“Bella.” Jemma said brightly, looking up from her phone. It was only 7:30, but as usual, Daisy had already left. 

“It’s February 21st.” She said quietly, looking at the ground. Jemma frowned, running the date through her head. February 21st.  _ Oh _ . 

“Lincoln.” Jemma sighed. She shifted over, patting the bed next to her. Bella smiled gratefully and climbed in next to her, pulling the duvet up around her.

“Are you okay?” Jemma asked softly. Bella shrugged.

“I think I’m angry.” She said tentatively. Jemma nodded.

“What’re you angry about?” Jemma pushed. She didn’t remember becoming the group's officially sanctioned therapist, but hey-ho.

“He’ll never get to turn 21.” Bella said sadly, reaching for Daisy’s bunny and pulling it close to her. Jemma smiled fondly, watching her carefully.

“I know, and it’s not fair.” Jemma agreed, looking up as Ali came in holding Luna, “Hello.” She said.

“Room for me?” She asked, not bothering to wait for the answer as she passed Luna to Bella and squeezed in next to her. 

“By all means.” Jemma said dryly, shuffling further against the wall so Ali could clamber in. 

“Hey there, petit chat.” Bella cooed at Luna as she sat down on her lap. 

“So, we’re depressed?” Ali asked slightly too casually.

“I’m depressed, Jem was the only one awake and also here.” Bella corrected. 

“Hey, I never said I  _ wasn’t  _ depressed.” Jemma frowned.

“Are you depressed, darling?” Ali asked.

“No, but thank you for asking.” Jemma said politely.

“So, what’s going on?” Ali flopped against the headboard.

“Lincoln’s birthday.” Bella told her, not looking at either of them. Ali sighed, reaching for her hand. Bella took it, resting her head on Jemma’s shoulder.

“It’s not fair.” She said quietly, her voice breaking.

“I know, love.” Jemma tutted, resting her head on Bella’s. 

“It’s been more than 2 years. Isn’t that strange?” She asked, Ali rubbing her thumb over her knuckles.

“Wild.” Ali agreed. 

“Do try not to talk, Alice dear.” Jemma asked, making Bella chuckle. 

“Do you think he’s okay?” Bella asked Jemma in a small voice, burying her head in Jemma’s shoulder and sliding further down in the bed.

“I think that wherever he is, he’d be proud of you.” Jemma assured her, thinking of the stars. 

“Really?” She mumbled. Ali sighed.

“Permission to talk, your honour?” Jemma frowned.

“I really don’t think that’s how the court works, but go ahead.” She nodded.

“I know we’re all science like, but wherever he is, whatever happens after, he’s grand. He deserves that much. He was taken from us too soon, and that’s shite but he’s okay.” Ali promised, squeezing Bella’s hand. 

“What do you think happens after we die?” She asked with a sigh.

“Technically I’ve died before.” Jemma pointed out. Her heart had stopped after she’d been shot, Daisy told her so.

“Fine, when you die and  _ stay dead. _ ” Bella amended, poking under her ribs.

“I don’t believe in hell.” Ali decided.

“Neither.” Jemma agreed.

“What do you believe in then?” Bella prompted.

“I like to think about the first law of thermodynamics.” Jemma said softly. 

“No energy in the universe is created and none is destroyed.” Ali said, nodding.

“So, every part of Lincoln, all of him, it’s out there somewhere, a part of something. At peace.” Jemma explained, smiling softly. 

“What about you?” Bella asked, turning her head to face Ali.

“I think you go somewhere where you can be okay, where you’re meant to be. Eternal rest grant unto them and the like.” Ali said thoughtfully. 

“The like?” Jemma asked.

“It’s a prayer. ‘Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.’” Ali quoted softly, “Not quite sure about the God thing, but eternal rest in death sounds peaceful.” She nodded. 

“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be always at your back, may the sun shine warm upon your face.” Bella said quietly, leaning back against Jemma before she cried. 

“I know that, what’s that from?” Jemma asked.

“I said it. At the funeral, I think.” Ali told her, stroking Luna’s back.

“He was good.” Bella said to no one in particular. Jemma brushed her hair behind her ear.

“Yeah, Bells. He was good.” Jemma nodded, her heart aching a little. It seemed wrong that he was taken from her so soon. 

“And I  _ miss him _ .” Bella continued, “I miss his face and his smell and his eyes, and I miss how the sun hit his face, and I miss him and his stupid jokes and his smile and I’m forgetting.” She let a few tears roll down her cheeks, “I’m forgetting, Jem. I’m forgetting, and he’s slipping away, and it’s awful.” She sobbed, her hand covering her mouth. 

“You’ll never lose him though.” Jemma told her softly, brushing away one of her tears.

“No?” Bella asked.

“You’ll have his memories, you’ll hold that place for him in your heart.” Jemma promised, wrapping an arm around her back.

“It’s not fair.” She sniffled, reaching for Ali’s arm and pulling it close to her, hugging it like a teddy. Ali didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to comfort her, her initial instinct being to bite back that life  _ isn’t  _ fair. But Bella knew that. Bella had been in the car with him, Bella had survived. And God knows it was worse for the people left behind.

“It hurts, I know. But not all the time, and I think that’s what he’d want. He’d want you to be happy.” Jemma said firmly, moving her arm away. 

“Sad days are okay.” Ali said quietly, “I’m sad sometimes. Sometimes I like to remember him, or you. Sad days are okay.” She repeated. 

“I think this is a sad day.” Bella decided.

“Okay. What do you want to do?” Jemma asked her. 

“I  _ want _ to remember. And I want to be sad. And I don’t want to be alone.” 

“Well, I’m sure we can manage that.” Jemma smiled, stroking Luna as she got up, pulling a dressing gown over her pajamas.

“I’ll make breakfast.” She said, heading out, letting a few tears slip out. 

They watched her leave, and Ali settled down into the bed, rolling over to face Bella. She copied her, Luna meowing indignantly before leaving.

“I have a question.” Bella said.

“Do tell.” Ali replied, sweeping her red hair over her shoulder.

“Should I have moved on by now?” She asked fearfully, her fingers tapping against each other steadily. 

“To another guy?” Ali asked.

“Aye.”

“When you’re ready, and if you want to. But I don’t think you ever move on from that, not really.” Ali said thoughtfully.

“Go on...”

“It’s like she was saying, he’ll always be with you, always be in your heart. You don’t move on without him, you make your peace with his absence, you say thank you for the time you had and then you get ready for something new.” She said carefully. 

“So when do I know?” Bella asked.

“You don’t.” Ali smiled slightly, “But whatever, or whenever, he’d be okay, Bells. He’d want you to be happy.” She told her. Bella nodded.

“You think he’d be proud?” She asked, her voice tiny.

“Yeah, Bee. He’s proud.” Ali said softly. 

* * *

“What’s this?” Ed asked as her and Ava returned to the three of them crying on the sofa with pints of ice cream, photos of Lincoln on the floor.

“We’re having a sad day.” Ali said through a mouthful of ice cream.

“February 21st.” Ava nudged Ed.

“Right.” Lincoln. Lincoln, who was alive in Bulgaria, Lincoln who’d been brought back from the dead and probably brainwashed, Lincoln who was turning 21 today and couldn’t celebrate with his girlfriend because she thought he was _dead_. “Room for two?” She asked, taking off her leather jacket.

“Always.” Bella nodded, reaching out for Ed. She smiled, sitting next to her so she could climb onto her lap, Ed wrapping her arms around her. 

“You okay, cherie?” Ed asked softly as Bella hid her face in her shoulder.

“Sad day.” Bella replied. 

“Sad day.” Ed nodding, stroking her hair. Ava sat next to Ali on the other sofa, stealing her ice cream and her blanket, leaving Ali grumpy.

“There’s more in the freezer.” Jemma told her, not moving from where she was sprawled across the armchair. Ali sighed heavily, getting up to get it.

“Where’s Daisy?” Jemma asked Ava.

“She’ll be back soon, wanted to go another round with Robbie.” Ava said, digging into Ali’s ice cream. 

“Okay.” Jemma nodded. She wanted a hug. She wanted Daisy, more specifically. She wanted her here, in her arms, safe, held, Jemma’s.    
  


“So, what do ‘sad days’ include?” Ava asked as Ali returned. 

“So far, lots of ice cream, lots of crying, and lots of photos. We’ll put videos on the TV later.” Ali concluded. It was only 10am, she’d already cried 4 times. That was impressive, since she basically hadn’t cried since Bella got back. 

“Neat.” Ava nodded, laying down so her feet were in Ali’s lap, slightly jealous of Bella getting Ed’s hug. She knew she needed it more, but she was a self proclaimed needy bottom. 

“You’re shaking.” Ed said quietly as she held Bella close.

“I know.” Bella replied, not moving. 

“Are you okay?” Ed asked.

“No. But I think that’s okay.” Bella said numbly, repeating Ali’s words. 

“Good.” Ed nodded, rubbing her back. She’d have to go see Nat later, she couldn’t keep this to herself, didn’t have the capacity to bottle this much up anymore. It was his birthday, Bella was grieving him, Ali, Jemma, Ava, Daisy were all grieving him, sharing their memories, their joy, their sorrow. They truly believed he was gone, that they’d never see him again, that he was in a grave in Cincinnati, rotting 6 feet under. God, did Ed want to punch something, the whole thing was so unfair. 

“Sup bitches.” Daisy said happily, striding into the room.

“Oh my God who died?” She asked, wrinkling her nose at the sorry sight of them. 

“Lincoln. Two years ago.” Bella said.

“Right…” Daisy nodded, gesturing for her to continue,

“He would be 21 today.” Jemma told her softly, reaching for her.

“Shit, sorry Bee.” Daisy looked to Bella.

“It’s fine.” She smiled wetly, taking an arm away from Ed’s neck and leaning sideways against her instead. “You’re comfy.” She told her, looking at her through her eyelashes.

“So I’ve been told.” Ed smiled, threading an arm around Bella’s waist. Daisy sat next to Jemma, Jemma immediately swinging her legs over her lap and leaning in for a soft kiss.

“You okay?” Daisy asked.

“Fine. Just sad.” Jemma shrugged. 

“Hey, I’m no therapist but I’m pretty sure those don’t co-exist.” Daisy raised an eyebrow.

“I have two PhDs and I say they do.” Jemma decided. 

“Your field is biochem.” Ali pointed out.

“I’d like to revisit my earlier request of ‘Do try not to talk, Alice dear.’” Jemma said crisply. Ali rolled her eyes, digging her spoon into her ice cream.

“He should be here.” Ava said quietly. 

“He should.” Ali agreed, looking anxiously over at Bella.

“To Lincoln.” She smiled, grabbing Ed’s ice cream tub and holding it up.

“Lincoln.” The others echoed. 

“What’s your favourite memory with him?” Daisy asked the group. 

“I didn’t know him very well, not well enough. He came by the labs sometimes though, Fitz and I showed him our bug.” Jemma smiled a little. 

“I miss Freddie. All versions of him.” Bella said with a slight smirk. 

“Very good bugs they were.” Jemma agreed.

“We sparred a few times, he was bad at the combat side and my powers are iffy on a good day. He was fun.” Ava offered. 

“I still don’t get the difference between your powers and his.” Ed said, but Daisy stopped her.

“No one does, but the nerds like to pretend they do so let's not even go there, yeah?” She said quickly before someone started going on about genetic versus man made enhancements, not to mention tech ones. Jemma and Fitz had recently spent at least an hour talking at her about cyborgs, she didn’t need to hear it again.

“Hey! I know!” Jemma protested.

“Sure, hon.” Daisy nodded. 

“So mean.” Jemma grumbled, “What about you, anyway?” She nodded to Daisy.

“I didn’t know him well enough either. We were both inhuman, which was cool I guess. I dunno, I liked that time he came round for girls night and I painted his nails.” Daisy thought, her face falling as she cast her mind back.

“They weren’t very good.” Ali said.

“I never said they would be.” Daisy defended, “Hey, you know what was cool? One time in training we compared who could fly for longer.” Daisy said proudly.

“Who won?” Ava asked.

“Yours truly.” She smirked.

“See, my powers can’t do that.” Ava said tiredly. 

“I know, because-” Daisy held up a hand.

“Baby I love you but please…” 

“Right, sorry.” Jemma nodded, leaning against her.

“I spent time with him.” Ed started, swallowing thickly, “We were both from Ohio, both bio, or used to be. He was good, kind. We sparred sometimes, waited outside the library for you guys a lot. When we, Ava and I, broke up he made me brownies.” Ed smiled at the memory, then falling back into her guilt, sadness and sickness. 

“Were they good?” Ava asked.

“Yeah, they were.” Ed nodded, bringing up a hand to wipe her tears away. 

“He made good brownies.” Bella nodded, taking Ed’s hand,  “They were his ma’s recipe, I’ll get her to send it.” Ed nodded, smiling at her, not wanting to think about Lincoln’s mom. They met at the funeral, she’d hugged Bella. What would she say, if she knew?

“I liked him.” Ali said, her hands fiddling with one of Ava’s socks. “He was good, for you, a good guy. I do miss him.” Ali told no one in particular, swallowing hard. 

“I liked him too. I loved him. I still do.” Bella said softly, numbly, burying her face in Ed again. 

  
“I know.” Ed said painfully, cursing herself, S.H.I.E.L.D., Lincoln, Hydra,  _ Ivan _ , over and over. Bella didn’t deserve this. Bella never deserved this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	53. мои девочки

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SO SORRY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for kidnapping, drugging, restraints, beating, blood
> 
> y'all can ignore the time stuff it's literally just there so i can keep track of this fuckin' arc

##  April 13th, 0900, EST, 1700 MST

“Do you want to work together?” Jemma asked Bella as they met outside the library.

“On what?” Bella asked.

“The chem project. JI know you have a dissertation to write, and I figured if we worked together it would lighten your workload.” Jemma reasoned. Bella was getting her second PhD, leaving Ali and Daisy as the only two who only had one. 

“Aye, I’d love to.” Bella nodded.

“Excellent.” Jemma said happily.

“Jemma?” 

“Yes, Isabella?” She asked with a slight smirk, not quite able to take being called ‘Jemma’ seriously. 

“First of all ew, second of all, do they go here?” She asked nervously, nodding subtly to two grown ass men wearing black suits across the lawn. Jemma shrugged.

“They’re probably just agents.” She said nonchalantly. 

“Right, yeah.” Bella nodded, not taking her eye off them. 

“Why, who else could they be?” Jemma frowned.

“Hydra? Ivan? Both? Literally any other organisation?” Bella listed. 

“It’s probably fine.” Jemma assured her, “I’m sure two scientists are hardly going to be very high on their priority list anyway.” She said smoothly. Bella gasped.

“Maybe not, but you know who could be?” Jemma shook her head, “Bloody Quake, Skylark and the Red feckin Widow.” Jemma gasped, fear striking her.

“You don’t think-” Jemma started.

“I think I don’t want to find out.” Bella said grimly. 

“I’ll text the group chat.” Jemma mumbled, trying not to smirk at how ridiculous that sounded. 

“Uh, Jems?” Bella said, tugging on her jumper.

“What?” Jemma asked, not looking up.

“There are more.” Bella whispered, watching as four identical guys emerged from behind the labs, two from each side. 

“Over there.” Jemma nodded to two more on a roof.

“W-where is everyone?” Jemma asked, surveying the otherwise empty campus.

“I’ve had this nightmare.” Bella muttered, unable to comprehend, “Did you text?” Bella asked, her throat dry. Jemma just turned her phone screen toward Bella.  _ Not delivered _ . 

“Shit.” She mumbled. Jemma reached for her hand, squeezing it hard, “We’re gonna be okay.” Bella promised numbly, her mind screaming about her last encounter with Hydra. Lincoln, screams, blood, and then he was gone. He was gone, and he’d never come back. 

_ I love you _ . Jemma texted Daisy, knowing that it would get to her at some point. Nothing more needed to be said, there was no way she could summarise 13 years of them in a single text. ‘I love you’ could never be enough, and she knew Daisy knew, but somehow there were no other words.

“Ladies.” A gruff voice greeted behind them. Jemma went to scream, but a hand was forced over her mouth.

“Ah, quiet now, Doctor Simmons.” The voice murmured, breath on her neck, tears slipping down her cheeks as a needle was injected into her arm. She slumped backwards against him, the world spinning around her, Jemma falling into darkness, falling, falling, falling. 

##  April 13th, 1230 EST, 2030 MST

“You seen Jemma?” Daisy asked Ali as she came back to the dorm for lunch.

“Her and Bells were supposed to meet me earlier, disappeared together is my guess.” Ali shrugged, “Did you check the labs?” 

“No. She’s usually here for lunch though.” Daisy frowned. 

“Did you call Fitzy?”

“Yeah, he hasn’t seen her.” Daisy replied, biting her lip nervously. 

“Hm.” Ali sighed, still scrolling through her phone, “They’ll turn up.”

“I’ll go ask Ed.” Daisy mumbled, heading out again. Something felt  _ wrong _ . Disappearing for no apparent reason was something everyone else had done at one point, but Jemma? Never. 

##  April 13th, 1300 EST, 2100 MST

“Jemma? Hey, Jay.” Bella whispered, coaxing the girl into consciousness. Jemma whimpered, choking out a sob as the world spun around her.

“Bella?” She mumbled, trying to sit up but collapsing back to the… floor?

“I don’t know what they gave us, but it’s nasty.” Bella said softly. Jemma groaned, closing her eyes again.

“Where- mh, where are we?” She asked, her throat dry from dehydration.

“Probably still in Canada.” Bella guessed, “I have no idea how long we were out for.” She told her, wishing she could use her hands. They were cuffed behind her back, as were Jemma’s, they were probably in the back of a van, if she had to guess.

“Super.” Jemma said dryly, successfully sitting up this time. 

“Phones?” Jemma checked.

“Took our phones, and my watch.” 

“So we’ve been kidnapped by probably Hydra, we’re probably still in Canada, and we’ve probably been here for..?”

“It takes about 45 minutes to sleep off a normal anaesthesia, but this could be anything.” Bella said steadily.

“This isn’t anaesthesia, this is like a hangover.” Jemma grumbled. 

“And you’d know?” Bella asked.

“Remember that time I got shot twice?” Jemma asked sarcastically.

“Right, you would know.” Bella nodded. 

“God, I’m parched.” Jemma complained. 

“God, we’re in so much fucking danger.” Bella countered pointedly.

“Well sure, doesn’t mean I don’t want a cuppa.” Jemma rolled her eyes. 

“So English.” Bella muttered. 

“Hey, if I’m gonna get killed by Hydra  _ again _ , I’d ideally like to have one last cup of tea. That’s all I’m saying.” Jemma shrugged as best she could.

“I’d  _ ideally _ like to, oh I don’t know, not fucking die?” Bella said exasperatedly.

“I know. Same.” Jemma said slightly sadly. 

“You think they’ll come get us?” Bella asked.

“Them?” 

“S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“I think they’ll have a rather angry Quake and Skylark on their hands if they don’t.” Jemma smirked.

“They’ll come for us.” Bella said mostly to herself, “Of course they will.”

“They will, Bella.” Jemma nodded.

##  April 14th, 0000 EST, 0800 MST

The door of the van opened, jerking them both out of the sleep they'd fallen under after hours. Jemma had curled up in Bella’s lap, both of them just trying to get as comfortable as possible, in rather unfortunate circumstances. 

“Up.” Faceless guard number one said, his voice rough, making Jemma cringe. Sunlight was streaming in now, it must still be day time. Assuming they were still in EST. Neither of the girls moved, Jemma absolutely convinced that if she tried she’d either puke or faint, Bella not wanting to let go of her. 

“Not going to ask again.” The other man warned, his accent definitely not American. Jemma screamed as they lunged for them, dragging her from Bella’s arms. Bella remained silent, biting her lip hard, convinced she could taste blood. 

“Come now, ladies, we don’t want to hurt you.” The guard holding Jemma said, his breath against her neck, Jemma struggling against him.

“Right, is that why you drugged us and chucked us in the back of a van for hours?” Bella said fiercely. No one answered, they just dragged them to what looked like a warehouse complex, the air cold as the sun beamed down. 

They were taken underground in an elevator, Jemma whimpering as she was all but manhandled, hands rough around her wrists, her waist, sour breath against her neck, the clanging of the lift intrusive. She closed her eyes, clenching her muscles, wishing Daisy were here, wishing she wasn’t so useless, wishing she could save herself for once.

“YA vizhu, chto nashi gosti zdes'.” (I see our guests are here.) A sly voice said as the door opened. He spoke like Ava, Bella noted, the same, thick, Russian accent, one that Ed could almost echo, but nothing quite matched it. 

“YA dumayu vy imeete v vidu zalozhniki.” (I think you mean hostages.) Bella spat, her Russian hesitant at best. 

“Vot v chem vy oshibayetes', ponimayete. Eto vasha zhizn' v obmen motivatsiya.” (That’s where you’re wrong, you see, it’s more like motivation.) The man said with a sickly smile, before nodding to the guards. Jemma flinched away from him, so he just held her tighter, guiding them to two chairs, each in the middle of the room. They were tied to the chairs, then gagged for good measure.

What did he mean,  _ motivation _ ? S.H.I.E.L.D. 101, never sacrifice a soldier over a scientist. And for who? 

##  April 14th, 0000 EST, 0800 MST

“Eds, I haven’t seen Jemma since this morning.” Daisy gushed, bursting into her room at 12 that night. 

“She’s probably just with Fitz, go to sleep.” Ed grumbled, rolling over.

“No, Bella’s missing too.” Daisy said desperately, ignoring the pillow that Ava threw at her. 

“Maybe they’re in C-Victor.” Ed suggested.

“I called, they’re nowhere, no one’s seen them since this morning, not even Fitz.” Daisy tried desperately. Ed sat up at that.

“You’ve called them?” Ed asked.

“Like 30 times. Each. Please, Eds, something’s wrong.” Daisy pleaded, ignoring her phone ping.

“You’re not gonna get that?” Ed frowned. Daisy rolled her eyes, opening her phone. 

“Shit.” She whispered, her heart racing.

“What?” Ed asked.

“Check your phone.” Daisy muttered, barely louder than a whisper. Ed sighed, reaching for her phone on her nightstand. She opened it to a photo of Jemma and Bella, tied up and beaten in a warehouse. 

_ ‘Skoro uvidimsya, moi devochki’  _ (See you soon, my girls), the message read. 

“Ava. Ava, wake up.” Ed said, getting out of bed and heading for Ava’s old room to get her tac suit. 

“Dee?” Ava muttered.

“Hydra, or Ivan, or whatever, I dunno, they have Bella and Jems.” Daisy told her quickly before disappearing after Ed. Ava’s stomach twisted, and she reached for her phone.

_ ‘мои девочки’.  _ His girls. Again. She’d sworn, she’d promised herself that she’d never go back, that she’d never be that again, that she’d protect Ed. She called Natasha.

“Talia.” She half sobbed as Nat picked up.

“Da, what?” Nat asked tiredly.

“Ivan, h-he has Jemma, and Bella. Please, Nat, I can’t go back, please.” Ava sobbed, Ed freezing as she heard her pleas. 

“Okay, Vashka, can you listen to me?” Nat said calmly, disguising her own fear for Ava.

“D-da.” Ava stuttered.

“I need you to do as he says, okay? Do what he wants, I swear, I will come get you, but he  _ will _ hurt them if you don’t comply, okay?” Nat said hurriedly as she got out of bed and started pacing.

“I don’t want to be his girl, never, please.” Ava choked.

“You won’t, I got you this time, sestra, ya obeshchayu.” Nat said smoothly, “He’ll be waiting for you outside, who else does he want?” 

“Me, Morse, and May.” Ava hiccoughed, sniffling.

“Okay, do you know where he is?” Nat continued.

“Net.”

“Okay, I got you, I’ll see you soon.” Nat replied, hanging up. Ava shuddered, the world spinning around her as she stood up, heading to the makeshift armoury. Daisy already had her tac suit on and was pulling on her gauntlets, Ed was in her underwear, strapping knives wherever they’d fit. 

“Ava.” Ed breathed. Ava didn’t respond, just took her suit off its hanger and started taking her pajamas off, lightheaded as she worked silently. 

“Gun.” Daisy said, nodding to Ed to pass her one. Ed chucked it to her, and Daisy tucked it in her waistband.  _ If I need a gun, I’ll take one _ . Ed pulled on her suit, tying her hair back, grabbing Riptide and tucking it in her boot. She slid a knife up her sleeve, as well as two hair pins. 

“What do you want, Ace?” Daisy asked, surveying the armory. Ava looked up, shrugging, “Sabres, gun, knife?” Daisy offered.

“I’ll take sabres, a couple knives, chuck me some lock picks, hair pins.” Ava muttered, distracted by pulling on her suit.

“Why the lock picks?” Daisy asked.

“He’ll cuff us. He likes to.” Ava shrugged. 

“Right, because that’s not at all creepy.” Daisy nodded, passing her list to her. 

‘Okay, we set?” Daisy asked.

“I’ll leave a note for Lishka, get her to talk to Nat, see if we can get Chavez, maybe Bishop out with the S.T.R.I.K.E. team that I fucking hope is coming.” Ed mumbled, heading through to the kitchen and scribbling a note for Ali.

“Right, field trip.” Ed said grimly as they headed out the door, not having to walk very far behind the academy before a jet uncloaked itself. 

“Ready?” Ed asked Ava, taking her hand.

“Don’t let go.” Was all Ava replied, her hand shaking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	54. To Make A Girl Sing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pls dont kill me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so CWs for blood, torture, death, murder, PTSD, sexual assult (i think, correct me if im wrong, either way it's gross), basically this chapter is super graphic and awful and im very very very sorry

Ed squeezed Ava’s hand as the ramp to the jet opened, what had to be at least 10 armed guards marching out. 

“Truly, I’m honoured with such a warm welcome, boys, but I really don’t think that this will be necessary.” Daisy said cockily, quaking the five on the right over, stopping the others’ bullets in midair and turning them back around.

“Can you fly that?” Daisy asked Ed as she launched into hand to hand with one of them.

“Da.” Ed nodded, pulling out Riptide to take on two at once, not even flinching as she ran one through with her sword. 

3 of the ones Daisy had quaked didn’t get back up, her and Ed had already taken out another two, but Ava stood frozen.

“Nat said…”

“I know what Nat said, but really, rolling over is definitely not,” She stabbed someone, “A better plan.” Ed replied decisively, spinning neatly into a guy who Daisy quaked her way, bashing him over the head, leaving two men standing. Daisy quaked them both easily, adding them to the pile of bodies.

“Really, that should’ve been harder.” Ed sighed. The three of them headed up the ramp, Ed closing it behind them. She clambered through to the cockpit, turning on the engine. 

Ava cuddled into Daisy, burying her head in her shoulder whilst Ed took off.

“I’m scared.” She whimpered. Daisy shushed her.

“I know, alyy, but Nat will be there soon, da?” Daisy said softly, shocked at how close Ava was being. Ava just whined quietly, so Daisy wrapped her arms around her, picking her up easily and heading through to the cockpit to sit next to Ed, Ava burrowed in her neck.

“There is something that I should probably tell you.” Ed said slightly hollowly after a while in silence.

“The big ol’ secret that you’ve been carrying?” Daisy asked with a slight grin.

“Yeah. So, Lincoln’s alive.” Ed said perfectly casually. Ava perked up a bit at that, her expression comically matching Daisy’s; mouths agape, eyes confused.

“Lincoln’s  _ what? _ ” Daisy asked.

“Alive n kickin’” Ed said grimly. 

“How long have you known?” Ava asked blankly, not meeting her eye. 

“Year and a month.” Ed said.

“So the mission last March…” Daisy said slowly. Ed nodded, “ _ That’s _ why you were so freaked.” She sighed, nodding.

“Yeah, why aren’t you?” Ed asked, looking over at them.

“We, an alien, a Widow and a Morse, are about to fly to Europe so that we can save our friends from the evil Hydra Russian mobster who tortured Ace for years and is apparently incredibly interested in me and you, I think I’m past the point of surprise.” Daisy scoffed. 

“Vashka?” Ed asked tentatively. 

“He used to do it to girls.” Ava said in a small voice. She cleared her throat, “He’d torture us for days, sometimes one would die from the experiments, so he’d bring them back.” Ava said numbly. Daisy pulled her closer, resting her chin on her shoulder, “He won’t be the same.” She finished.

“Can we save him?” Ed asked. 

“No.” Ava replied, her bottom lip quivering, “There’s no coming back once you’re that deep in.” She told them, her voice cracking. “Lincoln Campbell is dead, Ivan built himself a monster.” 

“Actually, he’s built himself 11.” Ed corrected.

“All inhuman?” 

“And all resurrected.” Ed nodded.

“Chernaya vdova?” Ava asked. 

“20 new Widows, all under 14.” Ed confirmed.

“Do you know how long they’ve been there?” 

“No longer than 3 years.” Ed frowned. 

“They won’t be like me and Nat then.” Ava decided.

“How will they be?” Daisy asked.

“Children. They’ll be easier to save, the resurrected will need to be eliminated.” Ava said roughly, reaching for her phone. “Bobbi, hi.” She said, ignoring Ed and Daisy’s confused faces. 

“Ava,” Bobbi breathed a sigh of relief, “Nat called, where are you?” 

“We’re flying over the Atlantic, ETA 0800 EST, 1500 MST.” She said, checking the flight plan.

“Okay, we’re on our way to The Academy to get Romanov, can you tell me the coordinates for the base?” Bobbi asked, nodding as Hunter pulled out a pen and paper. They were in the back of a Quinjet, everyone sleep deprived.

“55° 42′ 23″ North, 37° 39′ 1″ East.” Ava said, leaning over to check. 

“Okay, thanks. Anything else?” Bobbi asked.

“You’ll need to kill Lincoln if you see him. And any of the other undead inhumans.” Ava said bluntly. May looked up sharply at that.

“Ed told you?” Bobbi asked, obviously knowing the answer.

“We’re about to walk into a Hydra base, we deserve to know what’s waiting.” Daisy said dryly.

“Okay. Ava, you’ve seen this before?” Bobbi asked, brushing over the whole exposure of highly classified secrets thing.

“In my generation of Widows, Ivan would bring back the ones he killed in testing. They’d become feral, uncontrollable, I had to fight one once.” Ava shuddered involuntarily at the memory, so Ed took her hand.

“Lincoln Campbell died years ago. Whatever that thing is, you  _ can’t try to save it _ .” Ava said fiercely. 

“What can you tell us about them?” May asked. 

“Hi, mom!” Daisy exclaimed. Ava shushed her, 

“They’ll be uncontrollable, they’ll die quicker, but you’d have to get close enough to kill them. He’ll be brainwashed, wiped, he won’t know us.” Ava explained.

“Okay, thanks. Anything else?” Bobbi asked.

“The Widows can be saved, don’t kill them.” Ava said, more like a request, “They’ll be amazing fighters, they’ll obey his every order, but they can be knocked out, rescued. They’re kids.” She said sensitively.

“We know. Thank you, Ava.” May said, nodding at Bobbi to hang up. They were still 4 hours away from The Academy, they wouldn’t get to Moscow for at least another 11 hours, by which time who  _ knows _ what Ivan could’ve done to the kids. 

##  April 14th, 0300 EST, 1100 MST

“Plan rabotaet?” (The plan is working?) Ivan asked as he looked up to two military soldiers walking in.

“Yest' ... oslozhneniya.” (There is a… complication) One of them said. Ivan shot him in the head, before aiming his gun at the other.

“Chto ... sluchilos' ... s ... moimi ... devushkami?” (What… happened… to… my… girls…?) He asked, his voice deadly.

“Oni odoleli nashikh soldat, oni seychas letyat syuda, navernoye, s SHIELD.” (They overpowered our soldiers, they’re flying here now, probably with S.H.I.E.L.D) He said, flinching as Ivan inhaled sharply.

“Chto zh, ya polagayu, nam nuzhno pokazat' im, u kogo yest' vlast'.” (Well, I suppose we need to show them who has the power.) He said silkily, getting up from behind his chair. 

“Hello, girls.” He said slyly as he entered the main room, raising a hand to tell his soldiers to stand down, “Now, your friends have decided to do something very, very stupid, so we’re going to make a little home movie for them, da?” He said, his face inches away from Jemma’s. 

“English first. We’ll come back for the Indian.” He growled at the guards, Jemma crying for Bella as she was dragged away, Bella still not quite over being called ‘the Indian’. 

“Un gag her, I’m sure Doctor O’Connor would like to hear her scream, let alone Quake.” He said as Jemma was thrown into a separate room, collapsing on the floor, the guards giving her several kicks to the ribs for good measure, Jemma curling up in a ball to protect herself. Her gag was pulled out of her mouth, drool running down her chin. Her lip was split, hair ragged, she had a black eye from a beating her and Bella had taken earlier.

“Now, Jemma, I’ve been watching you for a while.” Ivan started as he set up a camera, “And, I’ve come to realise, that the best way to hurt Daisy May, is to hurt you.” He told her, dismissing the guards as he lifted her arms roughly above her head before tying them together and attaching them to the ceiling, dragging Jemma to her feet before cutting her shirt off, leaving her in a bra and jeans, “Now, my goal isn’t to hurt Daisy, my goal is to make her mine, and you,” He tapped her nose, “Might just be the best way to go about that.” He smiled, a hideous, terrifying smile, one that made Jemma’s hair stand on end, one that made her stomach flip.

“Now, say hello to Daisy for me.” He said, turning on the camera. Jemma said nothing, not even looking up to the camera, her arms already aching as they were held above her head. “I said, say hello to Daisy.” He growled, running a finger over her ribs, inspecting her tattoo, giving Jemma goosebumps as she tensed under his touch, “Oh, isn’t this sweet.” He sighed, walking over to the table against the wall and choosing a knife. Jemma trembled as he disappeared, still not lifting her eyes, not wanting Daisy to see her fear. 

Jemma cried as the blade touched her skin, cutting into her side where her tattoo was, whimpering as he cut deeply into her, feeling blood trickle down her side. “You see, May, this is what happens when you disobey my wishes.” He said to the camera. Jemma felt him cut again, close to the first one, and seethed, inhaling deeply, her muscles clenching. 

“Daisy would love to hear you scream.” He leaned into Jemma, making her let out a soft sob, her arms aching, the blood running down her side irritating her more than the pain itself. 

“No?” He asked, moving back to his table, “Well, that’s just fine. There are other ways to make a girl sing.” He smiled to himself, cutting Jemma’s bra off and picking out a whip with a small razor blade on the end, cracking it against the wall. Jemma flinched violently at the noise, her heart racing in her ears as tears rolled down her face. He brought it down hard against her back, leaving a long red welt across her spine, Jemma crying out behind gritted teeth. He brought it down again in the same place, making her jerk violently against her restraints, her breathing ragged, the world blurred from tears and giddiness from the pain. He whipped her again, lower this time, making her call out nonsense, and then again, and again, and again, until she was screaming for Daisy, her back bloody, head damp, dried blood collecting on her side, her back in pure agony with every strike, her throat hoarse from dehydration and screaming. 

She thought it was over. For one pure, jagged second she thought it was over. Blood was dripping down her torso, her legs had gone limp, she was barely even conscious. She felt a hand on her waist, there was nothing left in her to struggle against it. It roamed around her body, like it was claiming her, making her his. He tilted her chin up to face him.

“Takaya krasivaya devushka.” (Such a pretty girl) He cooed, silent tears running down her cheeks as he was all over her, as her blood covered her, as a coat of grime embedded itself in her skin. 

“Please…” She choked as his nails ran harshly down her skin.

“Oh, moya devochka.” (Oh, my girl,) He tutted, poking one of her cuts hard so she gasped out in pain, “Kak mne nravitsya slyshat' tvoi mol'by.” (How I love to hear you plead.) He said silkily, Jemma feeling bile rise in her throat as he fondled her breast, before leaving, Jemma choking up bile as he cracked the whip against the wall again, her body violated, her mind in pieces, her eyes still fixed on the floor. 

Bella listened from the other room, listened as Jemma cried out, begging him to stop, begging for Daisy, her screams unceasing as she heard the crack of the whip start all over again. She struggled against her restraints, only to get another black eye from the guards. She called out to Jemma from behind her gag, every scream making her want to puke. After what felt like an eternity, she came back, completely topless, covered in her own blood, unconscious and being dragged behind two guards. 

“You best hope that your friends don’t fuck up again.” Ivan said as he leaned down to Bella, Jemma once again tied to a chair, her head lolling to the side. Bella stayed silent as he walked away, before leaning back to check Jemma’s back. She cringed at the angry red, registering that if it wasn't seen to fast it would get infected. Unfortunately, getting her medical attention didn’t seem to be high on Ivan’s priority list.

##  April 14th, 0400 EST, 1200 MST

Ali woke up to Natasha Romanov banging on her door. 

“Aye?” She asked, her eyes still half closed.

“Everyone’s in Russia, Ed said she left a list of names.” Nat said bluntly, letting herself in. Ali choked out a laugh.

“Excuse me?” She asked, her eyebrows practically jumping off her head.

“Ivan’s back, Lincoln’s alive, your roommates have been kidnapped, where’s the list?” Nat said impatiently.

“Lincoln’s  _ what?” _ Ali exclaimed.

“No time.” Nat dismissed, finding the list, “Super, thanks.” Nat nodded, heading out again.

“Hey, I’m coming too!” Ali yelled, pulling on a jumper and coat over her pajama bottoms and running after Nat.

“You’re a scientist.” Nat scoffed.

“They’ll need medical. And Bella will need me, I can QB, please?” Ali pushed. Nat rolled her eyes.

  
“Fine, go find America Chavez, Kate Bishop, Kamala Khan, I’ll go get the Maximoffs, Reyes and Gutierrez, Bobbi has a QJ on the field back there.” Nat said quickly, rushing off. Ali stood in her pajamas on the pavement, slightly gobsmacked. It was 4am. This was ridiculous. And Lincoln was  _ alive? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...do i need to change the rating on this to explicit


	55. Love of my Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is relatively chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for blood

##  April 14th, 0430 EST, 1230 MST

“Nat said to wait for them at the Moscow base, they’re 4 hours behind us.” Ed said as she paced up and down the jet Daisy groaned.

“I hate The Icerink.” She complained. 

“They’re hurrying, promise.” Ed said as she changed the coordinates so they were headed for the base instead. Daisy’s phone pinged and her stomach twisted. 

“Dee.” Ed warned, but Daisy opened it anyway. Ava leaned over to look, nausea running through her as Ivan’s face appeared, Daisy gasping as Jemma appeared behind him, her face beaten, her lip bloody.

“I’m gonna kill him.” She muttered. No one replied, everyone’s eyes fixed on the phone screen, Daisy getting sicker as he cut into her, unable to bear Jemma’s whimpers. 

‘ _ You see, May, this is what happens when you disobey my wishes.’  _ The Ivan on the screen said as he cut into Jemma again, tears running down Daisy’s cheeks. 

“We did this.” She said, hate coursing through her as Jemma cried, black blood trickling down her side. Ava flinched as Jemma did when he brought the whip out, tears building behind her eyes as he brought it down on Jemma’s back, Daisy seething next to her. Ed watched in silence, her knuckles white as she clenched her fist, every scream driving her mistake into her. 

When Jemma started crying for Daisy was when she broke. She threw the phone, her stomach churning as the video kept playing, Jemma’s screams filling her mind. 

“Daisy-” Ed tried, but Daisy didn’t respond, gasping as sobs racked her body. 

“We will get him, sestra, da? He won’t hurt her anymore if we do as he says.” Ava told her quietly, following her to the back of the jet. 

“He’s  _ torturing _ them, they could  _ die _ , Ava, that’s the love of my life, and she’s screaming, and she’s begging for  _ me _ and I’m  _ not there.” _ Daisy sobbed, collapsing to the floor. Ava followed, bundling her into her arms so she could cry, ignoring Ed as she picked up the phone and finished the video. Ed watched with a blank face as he whipped her upwards of 15 times, as his hands ran all over her, as Jemma screamed for Daisy, eventually falling unconscious from the pain, Ed falling forward against her restraints.

‘ _ Oslushaysya menya snova, i ya tozhe voz'mi drugoy.’ _ (Disobey me again and I take the other one too) He growled to the camera before ending the recording. Ed sent the video to May before sitting next to the pair on the floor, Daisy curled into Ava’s chest as she cried, Ava shushing her. Ed ran her fingers through Ava’s hair, smiling wetly as she leaned into her touch.

“We’re gonna get them, Dee.” Ed mumbled as she wrapped her arms around the both of them, closing her eyes as she saw Jemma, her body limp, her torso bloody. 

“If they kill her I will rip them apart.” Daisy swore.

“I’ll help.” Ed nodded.

“Ivan is  _ mine _ .” Ava growled.

##  April 14th, 0430 EST, 1230 MST

Ali, Wanda, America, Kate, Kamala, Pietro, Wanda, Robbie and Joey were all huddled together in the corner of a Quinjet, everyone but Ali in their full tac gear, most of them half asleep on top of each other. Bobbi looked at them from the front, guilt twisting her stomach. She really had to stop dragging kids into her wars.

“When Dora said she was sending reinforcements I didn’t expect a group of teenagers.” Kara half whispered as E.C.H.O. stared at them, eyebrows raised.

“We’re at The Academy, what were you expecting?” Nat asked.

“I don’t know.” Kara sighed. 

“Coulson’s gonna meet the kids at The Icerink.” May told Bobbi who was next to her in the cockpit as she got off the phone.

“Super.” Bobbi said, dragging her eyes away from the kids. May’s phone pinged. 

“It’s Daisy.” She said as she opened the text, closing it immediately and swallowing dryly. 

“What?” Bobbi asked, looking at May with concern. She sighed and opened the video, leaning over to show Bobbi the opening of Jemma, beaten and bloody, tied to a ceiling.

“Shit.” Bobbi muttered. May scrolled to the end, watching her cry in fast motion, to the last minute or so. The final crack of the whip, Jemma’s final scream, how her body slumped forward, blood collecting on her side, his final message to Daisy, ‘ _ Oslushaysya menya snova, i ya tozhe voz'mi drugoy.’. _

“God, I’m going to tear him apart.” Bobbi muttered, her eyes fixed on Jemma’s body.

“You’ll have to get in line.” Nat said from behind her, “Although for the record, I bagsied it back in 2012.” She sighed, nudging Bobbi so she could share her seat, “So, what’d he do?” Nat asked.

“Whipped Simmons for half an hour.” May growled.

“Shit.” Nat mumbled, “Daisy’s gonna kill him.” 

“She doesn’t then I will.” May and Bobbi said at the same time.

“They’re kids, Mel.” Nat sighed, leaning her head against Bobbi’s shoulder. 

“I know. We’ve got a good team here, though I’m slightly confused about why O’Connor’s here.” She looked pointedly to Nat.

“She’s a softie, that’s why.” Bobbi said, poking Nat.

“She’ll help with medical!” Nat defended.

“You mean she’ll tend to Jemma’s welts? The huge ass red ones?” Bobbi raised an eyebrow.

“Bella will need her.” Nat tried.

“She’s staying with Phil and Mack at The Icerink.” May decided.

“Fine.” Nat conceded.

“How’s Orlova?” Bobbi asked.

“Scared. She was pretty matter of fact though.” Nat reasoned.

“The girls will be fine, they took the jet easily.” May said calmly.

“They won’t go in without us, right?” Bobbi checked.

“I don’t think they’d try, Morse is too smart.” May said with a brief smile. 

“Dee saw that video, she might try.” Bobbi pointed out. May sighed.

“I’ll call Phil, have him send a jet to intercept them, bring them in safely.” May decided. 

##  April 14th, 0630 EST, 1430 MST

Bella watched Jemma anxiously, time a foreign concept amongst the darkness of the warehouse. Ivan didn’t come back, the guards didn’t seem bothered with the girls, so Bella started inching her chair over slowly, her hands shaking as she went.

“Jay?” She whispered, her voice muffled through the gag. Jemma didn’t stir. Bella sighed, wishing she could check for a heartbeat, although convinced Ivan wouldn't kill her. That would get rid of his leverage over Daisy. She assumed she was for Ed and Ava, although didn’t know why they didn’t grab Ali as well.

“Jemma.” She tried again, only the vowels sounding, her voice hoarse, listening cautiously for any guards. Still nothing. She hadn’t stirred since Ivan had brought her back, Bella was beginning to fear that she might not wake up. She looked at the open cuts on her side; they were deep, fleshy, blistered. They’d get infected. She leaned back to try and look at her back, only seeing flaming red flesh, strips of skin and trickles of blood. If she didn’t die from shock when she woke up, infection might get her. 

Bella sighed, wishing she could hold her, comfort her, better yet, take her beating for her. He’d  _ tortured _ Jemma, just to get to Daisy. Bella had listened to her scream, cry, listened to her beg for Daisy as the whip cracked down on her back, listened to him demand that it wasn’t enough. She’d never be able to unhear that, never be able to forget this.

##  April 14th, 0700 EST, 1500 MST

"This is S.H.I.E.L.D. 136, identify yourself." A voice commanded over the radio. A jet had been tailing them for a while.

"Dad?" Daisy frowned, the voice familiar.

"Identify yourself." He repeated.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. ID 62718-83820, requesting permission to land." Ed said clearly over the speaker.

"Permission granted, free to dock." Her dad confirmed, the QJ still close on their heels. Ava woke up slowly, rubbing her eyes from where she was huddled in Daisy's lap, having fallen asleep somewhere over Spain. 

"Hey." Daisy said quietly.

"Anything else?" She asked nervously.

"Silence from Ivan, E.C.H.O., D.E.L.T.A . and the reinforcements are 3 hours out." Ed told her, landing the Hydra jet neatly in the hangar. Coulson greeted them as they stepped off the ramp, Ava clinging to Ed, her eyes tired. Daisy hugged him straight away, collapsing against him.

"Jemma." She said, her voice small.

"I know, sweetheart. I saw the video, she'll be okay." He said comfortingly, rubbing her back.

"She's in pain." Daisy said, voice breaking.

"We'll get her, we'll take care of her.". He assured her.

"It's my fault." Daisy whispered.

"No. It's absolutely not, the fault lies with Ivan Somodorov, okay, no one else." He said firmly, pulling away from her to shake Ed's hand.

"Morse." He greeted.

"Coulson." She nodded.

"I don't believe we've met." He said to Ava, his voice kind.

"Ava Orlova." She muttered, offering her hand. He shook it,

"Phil Coulson." He nodded.

"Not May?" She frowned. Daisy laughed dryly.

"No." She chuckled, heading for the doors.

"I'm gonna find a bunk, call me when mom's here." She said over her shoulder. Ed and Ava followed, leaving Phil alone again. He'd seen a lot of things in his time as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, he'd seen his wife kill, he'd cleared up the bodies after his daughter had. But seeing Jemma Simmons, sweet, caring, loving, smiling Jemma Simmons torn to shreds by that  _ monster _ , he wasn't sure if he could ever forget that. She was 21, he'd known her since she was 8, he'd hugged her as she cried, he'd been a crutch for her when Daisy was bad, he'd watched her grow up, and now she was off, bleeding and aching somewhere in a warehouse in Moscow and there was nothing he could do to save her.

He'd seen what Daisy had done after she was shot, he dreaded to think what she could do if Jemma died.

##  April 14th, 1000 EST, 1800 MST

Phil stood gobsmacked as more and more people flooded out of the jet. He counted 7 academy kids and 9 agents, Clint greeting him with a bear hug.

"Hey, Phil." He grinned.

"Long time no see, Barton." He smiled.

"Weird you not being a voice over my comms." Clint grinned.

"Weird not watching you over a screen." Phil countered. Clint nodded, patting him on the back as he followed the others, leaving Phil, Mat, Nat and Bobbi.

"Morse, Romanov." Phil nodded, beaming at Nat. 

"Coulson." They both greeted him.

"Where's Daisy?" May asked bluntly, not bothering with the pleasantries.

"Bunk 324." He told her, nodding towards the base doors. May left without another word.

"So, fill me in, who is everyone, what's going on, what's the mission looking like?" He asked. 

"Right, well you know the team," Nat checked. He nodded, so she continued,

"You also know Alice O'Connor already, she's QBing and a medtech. Then there's the Academy's enhanced squad, Orlova and May would usually be with them but obviously they're here. There's America Chavez, alien from an alternate dimension, she can fly, super strength, super speed, reality tearing. Wanda Maximoff, wide range, neuro-electric interfacing, telepathy, telekinesis, that kinda thing. Kamala Khan, shapeshifter, Robbie Reyes, has a demon in his head, Joey Guiterez can meld metal, Pietro Maximoff is super speedy. Kate Bishop will be with Clint. I think that's it?" Nat checked with Bobbi who nodded. 

"Right, super." Phil said, instantly forgetting all of them, "What about Ivan's men?" He asked as they walked down a corridor.

"Estimated 50 military men, 20 widows, 11 undead. Obviously 2 hostages, intention uncertain." Bobbi said briefly.

"We know what he wants, he wants May, Morse and Orlova, but we're not sure why, and we're not sure what he'll do with Simmons and O'Connor after." Nat filled in.

"We need to get them out. Simmons needs medical." Phil said, Bobbi's stomach churning uncomfortably as he brought it up.

"I saw." Bobbi said grimly.

"The whole thing?" Phil asked.

"First and last minute." Bobbi shrugged.

"I stopped after he got the whip out, skipped to the end." Phil shuddered. 

"Cos he took her bra off?" Bobbi guessed. Phil hesitated.

"Yeah. And also because she's all but a daughter and I wasn't overly eager to hear her scream." He confessed. 

"You weren't missing out." Bobbi said dryly, Simmons still in her mind's eye. They walked to mission control where everyone but May was waiting, the academy kids looking significantly more awake than they had earlier.

"Okay, mission briefing," Phil started, turning on the projector.

##  April 14th, 1005 EST, 1805 MST

Daisy awoke to a gentle knocking at the door, "C'mon in." She mumbled, wiping her eyes. Her mom stood before her, her eyes obviously terrified for Daisy. She didn't get another word out before her mom was gathering her up in her arms, pulling her close in a hug. 

"The video." Daisy choked, everything hitting her all over again. 

"I'm so sorry, xiaohua." May muttered, stroking her hair. 

"Jemma." Daisy croaked hoarsely. 

"Everyone's here, we'll get her, Dais." May promised. 

"He just wants me, Ed and Ava, maybe then he'll let them go." She tried.

"We can and we will save all of you." May said steadily.

"Mom, what I asked you back in May-" Daisy started, but May stopped her.

"No. I  _ will  _ find a way." She practically growled. Daisy shook her head, pulling away.

"You heard from Ava about Lincoln. If he does that to me, you will destroy me, you _have_ to, mom." Daisy pleaded. 

"I won't let him." May insisted. 

"Please." Daisy asked again, her voice breaking. 

"Daisy..." May shook her head.

"Mom, I trust you. It has to be you, please. I've already hurt Jemma too much." She begged. 

"I'll protect you, Daisy, if it's the last thing I do." May swore, unable to look her in the eye.

"Thank you." Daisy breathed, a weight lifted from her chest. 

"You're okay?" May checked. 

"Mom, I'm 8 hours away from home, I saw a video of my girlfriend getting tortured by a psychopath, I learnt that my dead friend isn't dead, and everyone I care about is about to march into a battle for me." Daisy said blankly.

"Right." May nodded.

"Anyway, what's next?" Daisy asked, wiping her eyes as she got up.

"Your dad's running the briefing, tactics, positions, timings, then we'll leave." May told her. Daisy nodded, following her out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) sorry the chapters are divided so weirdly


	56. El Elemento Sorpresa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a lot worse than i remembered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for non-consensual groping (guess who), blood, death, fire

##  April 14th, 1100 EST, 1900 MST

Daisy quaked the door down, trying her best to look brave, everything eerily silent over comms. Guns cocked on the other side, the doors flying off their hinges, sending light cascading into the warehouse, every cell in Daisy's body begging to run to Jemma, to take her and carry her far, far away. 

“Stand down, gentlemen.” A sickly Russian voice asked, the sound making the hair on Ava’s arms stand up. She squeezed Ed’s hand tightly before letting go, standing up straight for Ivan Somodorov, her worst nightmare. The soldiers released their mags, standing down in unison.

“Moi devochki.” He said happily, walking into the light, his familiar black, baggy nylon tracksuit making Ava want to run, Daisy studying the tattoo that bisected his neck;  _ нет человека нет проблем. _ No man, no problem. Stalin. Great. 

He walked over to Ed, her face stone, not flinching as he brought a hand up to her face, brushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. She could kill him. She could kill him  _ so _ easily. Rip him apart there and then. 

“YA tak rada, chto ty zdes'.” (I’m so glad you’re here) He said softly, moving to inspect Ava, eyes running hungrily over her body. Ava didn’t flinch, didn’t move, didn’t breathe, her eyes fixed on the figure who she guessed to be Bella. 

“Would you prefer English, Miss May, háishì zhōngwén?” (or Chinese) He asked, his tone butchering her comfort language.

“Russkiy v poryadke.” (Russian is fine.) Daisy said tightly, wishing she could run for Jemma, her screams still ringing through her ears. 

“Takaya umnaya devushka.” (Such a smart girl) He cooed, touching her waist softly. Ed heard May inhale sharply over comms, she was watching and listening. That was probably the only reason Daisy hadn’t quaked him apart by now. 

“Prikhodite, moi simpatichnaya devushki, sleduyte za mnoy, poznakom'tes' so svoyey sem'yey.” (Come, my pretty girls, come meet your family) He practically beamed, squeezing Daisy’s waist as he left, beckoning for them to follow. Daisy flinched slightly, trying not to look up to the camera,

“Play along.” Nat hissed over comms, her anger badly concealed. 

Daisy sighed, following him, Ed and Ava on her heels. She allowed herself a look at Jemma and Bella, immediately regretting it. Jemma was still unconscious, her wounds red and angry, blood dried on her side, Bella’s gaze fixed demurely on the floor, Daisy had to assume there was a gun aimed at her. 

“Ne bespokoytes' o nikh. Skoro oni tebe ne ponadobyatsya.” (Don’t worry about them, you won’t need them much longer.) Ivan dismissed. Daisy’s blood boiled. She opened her mouth to say… something, but her mom growled at her over comms, 

“Daisy.” She warned. Daisy’s shoulders slumped, she followed Ivan quietly to another room, unphased when she saw Lincoln and ten others in there, standing in a line against the back wall, three chairs in front of them, a screen on the front wall. Ed couldn’t look at him, keeping her gaze fixed on the floor, Ava wishing she could reach for her hand. She kept her hands steady, determined that this wouldn’t be like last time, that she couldn’t be that again.

“YA polagayu, vy znaete Linkolna.” (I assume you know Lincoln) He said smoothly, nodding to Lincoln on the end of the line, “Gospoda, pomogite nashim gostyam sest'.” (Gentlemen, help our guests to their seats.) He asked, nodding vaguely to the three of them. 

“You’re safe, don’t worry.” Bobbi soothed over comms, noticing their hesitance. Daisy let one of the guards take her roughly by the arm, shoving her into a chair, strapping her ankles and wrists to the arms and legs, doing the same with Ava and Ed. Ava flinched away as he brought out electrodes, Ivan chuckled.

“O moy alyy, ya by rekomendoval tvoye soglasiye. Doctor O'Connor pryamo zdes' YA nenavizhu delat' s ney to, chto ya dolzhen byl sdelat' s Simmons” (Oh, my red. I would recommend your compliance, Doctor O’Connor is right there, I’d hate to do to her what I had to do to Simmons) He drawled, his breath on Ava’s face. She whimpered slightly, her knuckles white as she gripped the armrests, shaking violently. He laughed, running a finger down her jawline, tilting her chin up so she was forced to look him in the eye.

“Ne boysya, Avashenkaya, ty menya pomnish'.” (Don’t be scared, little Ava, you remember me.) He said, cupping her cheek, just as he used to when she was younger, just as he’d done so many times. 

May watched from the Quinjet, fury boiling in her, watching as he terrified Ava, as men tied her  _ daughter _ to a chair, ready to brainwash her. 

“Okay, enough. In positions.” She announced.

“I thought we were supposed to wait for the signal?” Kamala asked.

“I don’t think they’re in any position to give a signal, Khan.” America said bluntly, patting her gun. 

“Bishop, Barton, you go behind Palamas and Rodriguez. Reyes, you’re with Palamas. Hunter, Triplett, take the Maximoffs and Khan to the North wall, Reyes, Guitterez, Chavez, you’re going West. Bobbi, keep talking to the girls.” May ordered, “Phil, everything good?” 

“Five by five, O’Connor has eyes on the hostages, Mackenzie has eyes on the undead and the girls.” Phil said, “I’m on comms.” He finished.

“Okay, Barton and Bishop infiltrate from above, Palamas, you’re in command of the East, Triplett is taking the West, Chavez, I’m leaving the South to you.” May told America, who just nodded.

“What about us?” Bobbi asked May, referring to herself and Nat.

“We’re going to save my daughter and your sisters.” May said fiercely.

##  April 14th, 1115 EST, 1915 MST

Ava tried not to scream in protest as his hands slid over her, as his smirk danced before her, as his eyes filled with glee as she held herself back. _For Bella,_ she reminded herself, _you’re doing this for Bella_. Her eyes were held open, the music starting, her mind begging to slip back, slip into the easiness that his control brought, the dancing, the proud mother, the joy that it was to please Ivan.

“Ava, Ava can you hear me?” Bobbi half yelled over comms. She’d been unresponsive for a minute. Ava tapped twice on the rest like she’d been told to, Bobbi pulling her back.

“Good girl, well done.” Bobbi praised patiently, “Can you count to 10 in your heads for me?” Bobbi asked all of them, not looking at the screen where they were all lined up, their eyes all unfocused. She could hear The Nutcracker playing over comms, could hear her sister’s ragged breathing. 

Daisy counted slowly, wishing she could wipe the tears from her eyes, the metronome driving her mad. 

“Can you tap out your names in Morse code for me, nice and slow?” Bobbi asked smoothly, nodding to Nat to check that they were doing it. Anything to keep them grounded, May had instructed, just for 20 minutes until they could get to them. Most of the others had cleared out of the Quinjet now, just leaving May, Bobbi and Nat. 

“Vashka.” Nat said softly over comms. Ava snapped at the sound of her voice, imitating the other two and doing as she was asked.

.- / ...- / .- / --- / .-. / .-.. / ---/ ...- / .- 

Ava Antalya Orlova. She was Ava Orlova, not Red Widow, or Ava Antaloyeva, she was not what he made her. 

“Eds, can you tap?” Bobbi watched in concern as her sister remained unmoving, Ivan watching her like a hawk as she trembled. 

“Edie.” Nat tried.

“Eds, please, can you hear us?” Bobbi begged, catching May’s attention. 

“It’s only been five minutes.” She mouthed. Bobbi ignored her.

“Edie!” Bobbi yelled. Ed tapped twice for yes, making no attempt with the morse code. 

“Yesha, your name.” Nat encouraged. Ed fidgeted uncomfortably, making Ivan smile, Bobbi grimacing. 

. /-- /--

She tapped out her initials, wishing she could look anywhere other than the lights, the metronome’s steady beat so alluring, so intoxicating. 

“Moya ptitsa, moya krasivaya, khrabraya ptitsa, borotsa s ney bespolezno.” (My bird, my beautiful, brave bird, fighting it is fruitless) Ivan’s voice slid over her, his hands roaming over her shoulders, making Ed shudder, struggling against her restraints, tears falling from her irritated eyes. She screamed from behind gritted teeth as he continued, thrashing violently.

“Davay, milaya devushka, ya slyshal, ustupchivost' budet voznagrazhdena.” (Come now, sweet girl, I hear compliance will be rewarded) He coaxed smoothly, Ed wanting to run, to run far, far away.

\--/ ---/ --  _ mom _

Daisy tapped it out, over and over, begging for someone to come for them, for someone to save them, to hear a voice that wasn’t Ivan’s, for Ed’s screams to stop, for Ava’s sobs to cease. 

“I’m here, baby, stay strong, you’re doing so good.” May said quickly, watching them all closely.

“We’re on our way, kids, hang tight.” Bobbi started, sick of watching her sister get groped, sick of watching her cry.

“Morse-” May tried. No one was in position yet, they’d get exposed if they left now.

“No, I’m getting them.” Bobbi defied, twirling her batons and holstering her gun.

“I’m with Morse.” Nat stood firm, following Bobbi out.

“I’m coming, Daisy.” May said, following the other two, ignoring Phil’s protests. 

##  April 14th, 1130 EST, 1930 MST

“You okay?” Clint signed as they perched on the roof, ready for the go sign.

“About to walk into my very first war, what do you think?” She signed back, rolling her eyes at him, despite her small smile.

“You’ll be amazing. Promise.” He signed back.

“What about Mac?” Kate replied, spelling the abbreviation of America’s name, her face anxious.

“She’s amazing, May wouldn’t have put her in charge if she wasn’t up for it.” He signed back quickly, keeping one ear open on comms. 

“I love her.” Kate signed bashfully.

“No shit.” He raised his eyebrows. She scowled at him. 

##  April, 14th, 1135 EST, 1935 MST

Robbie poked his head around the corner that Kara had told him to wait behind, to see her and Yo-yo standing in a heap of unconscious guards, wiping her brow of sweat.

“Damn, dama.” Robbie muttered.

“El elemento sorpresa.” Yo-yo smirked, continuing around the building to the east entrance, surveying the situation through the window.

“May, looking like 100 guards stationed inside, I took out 4.” Kara said over comms.

“4 on each entrance, another four on the inside of each, 52 inside, 2 outside where they’re keeping May, Orlova and Morse.” Ali filled in, leaning over to check the camera.

“We took out two by the ladder.” Kate said over comms.

“We just took out 8.” Hunter said, still slightly high on adrenaline.

“We all go in at once, wait for my mark.” May ordered, gesturing for Bobbi and Nat to follow her up through the vents. 

“Mel, are you sure you don’t want extra back up?” Phil asked.

“Once we get the kids out we’ll have The Cavalry, Quake, Mockingbird, Skylark, Black Widow and Red Widow, I think we’ll be fine, Phil.” May said slightly grumpily.

“Palamas, prioritize the guards at Daisy’s door.” Coulson ordered. They’d still be outnumbered almost 2:1 by the time they could free the kids, and who knew what powers the inhumans would have. 

“Can do, sir.” Kara nodded. May rolled her eyes, Bobbi smirked from behind her, wiggling into the vent, Nat crawling in shortly after. Nat froze.

“Coulson, any Widows around?” She whispered. Phil frowned, leaning over Ali’s shoulder and flicking through the cameras, Mack doing the same.

“No sign of them or Ivan, we’ve been made, go.” Phil half shouted, scaring Ali shitless.

“Keep it down.” She rolled her eyes. He looked at her incredulously, before noticing the anxious lip bite, how her eyes were fixed on her twin and Jemma as agents burst in through the exits, as Kate took out her first ever kill, as the Rider ripped a guy’s head clean off.

May took out a ceiling panel, shooting three inhumans three times in the head, looking away as they collapsed. Daisy looked up as she heard them, taking the hint and quaking herself free, ripping the electrodes off her head and the tape off her eyes before turning one of the undead inhumans to atoms, getting started on freeing Ava as her mom, Bobbi and Nat dropped through the ceiling, Nat taking out two inhumans, Bobbi going straight for Ed. 

Sparks of electricity hit Daisy as she stood up, turning to face… definitely not Lincoln. The Lincoln she’d known was warm, sunny, his eyes laughed. This was gaunt, his skin stretched, eyes hollow. Daisy quaked him back, letting her mom take care of Ava as she killed another of the inhumans, tearing her and her clone’s atoms apart as well. It was the kindest way, she thought, it wasn’t as painful as ripping them limb from limb, or crushing their chests. 

May took over with Lincoln, Bobbi shooting two in the head, leaving three standing; Lincoln, a small Asian girl, a gaunt Latino boy. The boy’s fingertips sparked with flames, the girl’s eyes glowed a soft red. May ran outside, coaxing them to follow her, knowing exactly who  _ should _ take them on, the issue of the matter being getting to them.

“Reyes, Maximoff, East corner, now.” May yelled over comms, her and Bobbi in combat with the girl, Nat and Ava with the boy, Ava’s arm already badly burned, Daisy trying to take on Lincoln. She disabled him long enough to quake the screen, shattering it, her eyes still stinging from the bright lights, something missing in her ears as the metronome stopped. It could only have been 15 minutes, and Bobbi was talking to them the whole time, but that shit sucked. How tempting his voice was, how sickening, how soothing, how she wanted to give in, to stop fighting and just relax her eyes, let him take over.

Her mom nodded to the door, so Daisy quaked it, running outside to lead Lincoln out after her, the other 8 following her into the midst of the fight, America swooping low over her head as bullets flew at her, utterly useless considering the fact that she was literally bullet proof. Wanda was in the air as well, her eyes closed tight as she made soldiers collapse at her feet, Daisy could only assume that the wake of bodies was Pietro. Kamala had extended her arms, and in relation their strength, and had two men in each, smashing them against walls. Robbie was the Rider, a flaming chain in his hand as he tore through Hydra, the Rider going mad with all the spilt blood. Joey was standing over Bella and Jemma, turning bullets around as they came close, the rest of E.C.H.O. in close hand to hand with the remaining soldiers, May getting their attention as the pyrokinetic inhuman started a fire, the roaring and smoke filling May’s eyes with tears. 

“Daisy, go.” May nodded to Jemma. Daisy quaked through the sea of bodies, tearing people apart to get to Jemma, leaving Lincoln to everyone else. She quaked soldiers apart, not caring as she felt their hearts stop, not caring as they collapsed at her feet, not caring as she felt America look at her in shock because they almost  _ killed _ Jemma. They beat her and they tortured her and she was  _ good _ and  _ innocent _ and Daisy would tear apart legions for her, Daisy May would end the goddamn world for Jemma Simmons, what were 20 odd Hydra soldiers?

Bella watched in horror as the man she loved, the first one, emerged from the flames, his hair singed, eyes filled with  _ rage _ . She called out for him from behind that gag that no one had done the courtesy of taking off yet, her head aching, eyes tired, heart desperate for  _ him _ . 

“Lincoln!” She called, her voice raspy, only vowels sounding as she yelled, confused as people started attacking him, heartbroken as he attacked back. Daisy sighed, breaking Bella’s cuffs with a quick quake so she could get back to Jemma, assuming Bella would come help.

Daisy stroked her cheek softly, “Hey, Jemma, I’m gonna untie you, okay?” She said gently as she moved behind her, her eyes fixed on her work rather than the deep gashes in her back. Most of her welts had closed, although a couple looked too red, too swollen, crusty yellow at the sides, the same as the ones over her tattoo. Infection. Jemma began to stir as Daisy worked, sobs breaking as she felt her back burning, as it ached, as she felt it all, all over again, the leather against her back, hands against her skin, the razor blade striking through her flesh, the pain, how it stung, the thought of Daisy watching. She gasped as she felt screams rise in her throat, as she felt tears burn her cheeks, her lip irritating her. Daisy finished her hands, just quaking her legs, taking her gag out gently, turning around to grab Bella when…

“Bella, get back!” Daisy yelled, watching as Bella half walked half crawled towards Lincoln, the fight raging around her.

“Daisy- i-its, he’s-” She started.

“He’s dangerous, you have to get back.” Daisy pleaded, feeling Jemma take her hand, using her other to quake away two military men she could feel approaching on their reer. 

“Daisy, it’s Lincoln.” Daisy saw her say the words more than she heard them.

“No. It’s not.” She said sadly, making towards Bella, her scream blood curdling as May shot him in the head. 

“Get. Her. Out.” She ordered Daisy, jumping back in to take over from Ed, turns out a sword wasn’t too useful against fire. 

“Lincoln!” Bella screamed, watching blood pool around him on the floor. Daisy sighed, wrapping an arm around her waist and dragging her back to where Jemma sat, writhing in immense pain, barely able to hold her eyes open. 

“Mac!” Daisy yelled, getting America’s attention and nodding to Bella. She nodded, swooping down and picking Bella up, flying her out of the warehouse. 

“Okay, Jems, I need you to trust me, okay?” Daisy asked softly, getting down to her level, a hand on her trembling knee, blood, sweat and tears covering her torso in their grime. She nodded, her bottom lip quivering, refusing to meet Daisy’s eyes, the sounds of gunshots, screams, shouts filling the room. 

“Good girl. This is gonna hurt, okay, but I promise we can help.” Daisy swore, wrapping her arms under her thighs, sighing in relief when Jemma wrapped hers around Daisy’s neck, clinging on with her legs and arms. Daisy strode out, tearing apart any soldier who  _ dared _ get in her way, bodies collapsing before them. Jemma whimpered through the pain as they went, Daisy trying desperately not to hurt her anymore. May watched as men fell in her wake, as Daisy didn't even flinch as they died, as she stroked Jemma's hair, willing to do _whatever_ it took for her to be safe. They reached the outside where Bella was waiting, tears streaming down her face. 

“Daisy.” She whispered, her voice broken, her eyes fixed on the warehouse.

“Look, Bells, I  _ swear _ everything will be explained but seriously, you two need to get out of here.” Daisy said fiercely, Jemma crying into her shoulder, the pain, the sharp cold of the Russian night, the sounds of the fight from inside overwhelming her. 

Daisy carried Jemma to the Quinjet that landed on the gravel, holding Bella’s hand tightly.

“Ali’s with my dad at The Icerink.” She told her.

“Lincoln.” Bella just sobbed again, her lips cracked and bleeding, her eyes aching, her head pounding. She hadn’t eaten for days, hadn’t drunk, the last thing she’d consumed had been whatever Hydra gave them.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Daisy nodded as the ramp opened, two medtechs running down the ramp, stretcher between them. They tried to take Jemma from Daisy, but she clung to her.

“Hey, Jems, they need to take care of you, okay? I’ll be back later, I promise.” Daisy said softly, kissing her head. Jemma cried quietly as she left, her sobs barely audible in the night, too weak to struggle against the medtechs, Daisy’s heart breaking as she left the both of them, Bella in shock, Jemma in pain.

May sighed in relief as Daisy re-entered, tossing her a gun and getting back to her fight with a soldier. There were only about 20 left, the rest of them either dead or unconscious.

“Is that it?” Daisy asked her dad over comms.

“There are no more military personnel on site, Ivan and the Widows haven’t been spotted.” Ali told her.

“Bella and Jems are en route.” Daisy replied.

“I know.” Ali confirmed. Daisy didn’t say anything, just as her mom took out the second to last guy, Kamala took the last one, shrinking back to her normal size. 

“Where’re the Russians?” Daisy asked Ed as she approached, inspecting her for injuries.

“Disappeared to find Ivan, told us to stay for the widows.” She said dully, wiping blood from her lip. 

“Are they gonna make an appearance?” Daisy asked. Ed just shrugged. 

“How’re Jay and Bee?” Ed asked, afraid to know.

“Bella saw her boyfriend die  _ again _ and Jemma was whipped half to death 15 hours ago.” Daisy said bluntly.

“Right. They’re en route to Icerink?” Ed checked.

“Yeah. Medtechs said Jems might need surgery, Bee was relatively unharmed, maybe a broken rib or two.” Daisy nodded. 

“Ok.” Ed nodded. 

“You got company.” Mack warned, watching as 20 odd girls lined up at the doorway.

“Too little too late, Mack.” Bobbi said dryly, making Daisy snigger, before squaring up to face the girls. The oldest looked no older than 12, all of them skin and bones. Daisy didn’t flinch as Clint and Kate made the first move, 4 girls at once taking dendrotoxin arrows to the chest, collapsing where they stood. Daisy quaked 5 into a wall at once, then 5 more, all of them scarily light. Wanda put 6 to sleep effortlessly, which left four standing, two of which Bobbi ICEd, Daisy just quaking the other two. 

“Heartbeats?” May asked Daisy. Daisy closed her eyes and focused. 

“All good.” She smiled. 

“That’s it?” Bobbi asked Mack over comms.

“Orlova and Romanov got Ivan, you guys take care of each other, QJ ETA 15 mins.” Mack confirmed. 

##  April 14th, 1150 EST, 1950 MST

“Location on Ivan?” Nat requested as her and Ava high fived, having taken down the last undead inhumans together.

“Squirrelled away down the corridor and up the stairs, two armed guards.” Coulson told them, trying to hide his smile as he watched the teams work in perfect unison.

“Thanks.” Ava said, nodding to Nat as she cocked her gun, brandishing a sabre in the other hand, cutting through Hydra like they were dolls. Nat covered their reer, although Hydra didn’t seem too concerned about them, more focused on the powered kids. 

They ran upstairs, taking the guards out quickly, surprise on their side. Nat kicked down the door, and there he was. Ivan Somodorov, cowering behind a desk. The man they’d feared, the man they’d bowed to, the man who’d tortured them, brainwashed them, stolen their childhoods, assaulted them, the man who they’d been made to kill for, the man they’d loved for it. 

“Moya Natashka, moya Avashenkaya, YA takaya gordaya.” (My Natashka, my little Ava, I’m so proud.) His voice made Nat’s blood boil, his condescending tone, the way he  _ dared _ to look at her. 

“Ty. Ty  _ ukral _ u menya detstvo.” (You. You  _ stole _ my childhood from me.) Ava spat, the sight of his smug face making her want to kill him there are then.

“YA sdelal tebya luchshe.” (I made you better.) He snarled. Nat shook her head.

"Ty prevratil nas v monstrov,” (You made us into monsters,) She said, looking him dead in the eye, "Ty vzyal nevinnykh devushek i prevratil ikh v monstrov, i za eto, Ivan Somodorov, ty zaplatish'” (You took innocent girls, and you turned them into monsters, and for that, Ivan Somodorov, you will pay.) 

Nat seethed, aiming a gun at his head. Ava pulled hers out as well, taking Nat's hand.

"You wouldn't d-" He started to chuckle, as two bullets entered his skull, as Ivan Somodorov slumped forward in his seat, as his blood spilt on his desk. 

"Talia." Ava whimpered, her hands shaking. Nat's fire instantly burnt out, the rage dampening as she turned to Ava, her eyes terrified, her gun shaking in her hands. Nat took it from her, throwing it across the room as she wrapped her arms around Ava.

"Shh, sestra, you're okay, you're safe now." Nat soothed, running her fingers through her hair. Ava sobbed into her chest, finally relieved of the weight she'd carried the past couple of years, finally free of Ivan Somodorov, once and for all. She shook as Nat held her, ugly sobs racking her chest as she heaved, the stench of his blood filling the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)


	57. The Temptation of Fantasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for hospitals, blood, mentions of torture

##  April 14th, 1200 EST, 2000 MST

Ali was the first on the scene as Bella and Jemma arrived, Bella slumping into a wheelchair, Ali meeting them as they entered.

"She needs a sedative, give her IV rehydration, put her on suicide watch," She yelled over Bella's screamed sobs, Ali watching as she sent her off, Bella screaming herself hoarse for Lincoln. This was fucked up, this was so many levels of fucked up. She shook herself, jumping back into action as Jemma was brought out on a stretcher, her chest still bare, Jemma still conscious, sobbing heavily as people touched her, as lights assaulted her, as unfamiliar noises surrounded her, Jemma exposed and helpless on the stretcher. 

"Get her in the OR, find an anesthesiologist for a local anesthesia, we need to clean her injuries, bandage her up, sew up the non-infected ones." Ali ordered, following the medtechs, already dressed in a surgery gown. She'd only taken biomed and medtech at The Academy, and was somehow one of the most qualified doctors at the base, mostly just comms or admin agents there full time. Coulson had called for backup, they’d get there later.

"Jemma, Jemma, hey, look at me." Ali said as she crouched down to her level in the OR. Jemma did her best to meet Ali's eyes, her vision swimming from the pain, oh so close to falling unconscious again, "You're going to be okay, yeah, but I really need you to stay still for me, can you do that?" Ali asked brightly, trying not to cry.

"It hurts." Jemma whimpered as people kept prodding her.

"I know it does, love, and I swear I will take care of you, but until we can get an anesthesiologist in here you need to be strong, okay?" Ali asked softly, holding up a hand so they stopped. They all backed off, waiting for her command. 

"It hurts so much." Jemma just cried, tears running down her cheeks. Ali bit her lip, stroking Jemma's hair. 

"I'm sorry, Jemma, okay? I'm so, so sorry, but we need to take care of you, we need to check for internal bleeding, damage to your bones or muscles, and cleans up your back and side, you know that, yeah?" Ali asked patiently, ignoring the medtechs' impatient glares. 

"I know." Jemma nodded, tears still running down her cheeks.

"Okay, and so we can do that, you need to stay still for us, okay?" Ali continued.

"He hurt me." Jemma cried softly. Ali cupped her cheek,

"I know, Jems, and we can fix you, yeah?" Ali looked up in relief as the anesthesiologist came in with the gas, mask and machinery, "Okay, we can put you to sleep, is that okay?" Ali asked calmly. Jemma nodded, closing her eyes again, still silently crying as someone took her hand, a mask was forced over her face and her brain filled with fog, pulling her down, begging her to relax, to lean into it, to breathe. 

"Okay, people, get to work." Ali ordered, busying herself with cleaning her inflamed skin with rubbing alcohol, not flinching at the stringy strips of skin that hung off her gashes, the depth of them, the large blisters, the spots of blood that were reappearing as they cleaned. Ali and another one worked on her back whilst two others focused on her side, everyone checking the all clear with Ali before they did anything, bandaged her up, cleaned anything, opened anything, even touched her. 

There were 18 gashes on her back in total, 7 were infected, he'd chipped 4 of her ribs, bruised her spine significantly, and both of the cuts on her side were infected. They could only stitch up three of the eighteen, Ali didn’t want the infection to get worse. They cleaned what they could, her back raw and yellow with gashes of red, her side scabbed over but both cuts had red streaks spreading from them. The infections had spread fast, she’d need antibiotics. The pus was drained where it could be, the process slow, but Ali knew it’d be better in the long run.

In total they were in OR for 3 hours, Ali looking anywhere but her face as they worked, never wanting to see her look like that again, so petrified to the point of sickness, scared beyond her wits. She didn't hear anything about the mission, or Bella for the whole excruciating 180 minutes, just focusing on keeping Jemma alive. It was a miracle in itself that she didn't die from shock, or pain. Ali hadn't seen the video, but she'd seen how May and Bobbi talked about it, how pale Ed and Ava were, how full of self hatred Daisy was. 

##  April 14th, 1205 EST, 2005 MST

"Dais, Jemma's here, she's in the OR." Phil said gently over comms, snapping Daisy's attention away from where she was fidgeting with her fingers. They were in the quinjet, everyone doing their best to patch each other up. Kara, Trip and Hunter had all been shot, Kara not even noticing until Bobbi pointed out the hugeass patch of blood on her leg. The bullet had only grazed Trip’s thigh, Kara had jumped in front of one for Ed, hitting her in the gut. Hunter had taken two to the chest and was currently strapped to a stretcher whilst Bobbi tried to stop the bleeding.

Pietro’s lungs were slowly filling up with blood, Wanda was crying whilst Ava rubbed her back, Natasha watching them both anxiously. Clint was trying to get Ed to sit still long enough to clean the massive stab wound in her thigh. None of the enhanced other than Pietro were badly injured, although Ava and Joey seemed to have some pretty bad burns. May was ignoring her bullet graze in favour of Daisy, sitting closely next to her. 

"Okay. Thanks, dad. She'll live?" Daisy asked anxiously.

"She's a fighter." He said, not answering the question. 

"She'll be okay, Daisy." May assured her from her side. Daisy nodded tearfully, sniffling a little. 

"She was in so much pain." Daisy choked, scared to look her mom in the eye.

"I know, baby, but they'll do everything they can for her." May assured her, hesitant to tell her that it was only Ali and 4 other inexperienced, partially trained medtechs tending to her until the reinforcements from the Ukraine arrived. 

"I can't lose her." Daisy half cried, her words barely audible. 

"I won't let that happen." May swore, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"She screamed for me. And I  _ wasn't there _ , and he beat her and he whipped her and he  _ groped  _ her and all she wanted was  _ me _ and I  _ wasn't there. _ " Daisy cried, burying her face in her mom's shoulder, breaking quietly at the memory, Jemma's screams playing over and over.

"You got her out, though. She'll be okay, xiaohua, you'll see." May said softly, rubbing her shoulder.

"He hurt her." Daisy said weakly, her voice small.

"He's dead." May promised, kissing her head gently. 

"She might be too." Daisy pointed out. May shook her head.

"No. Not on my watch." She refused to watch Jemma Simmons die, not today, not whilst May was in charge. She'd lost that girl in Bahrain, she wouldn't lose another today, let alone the love of her daughter's life.

Nat was piloting, she took off smoothly, the atmosphere in the Quinjet significantly dampened compared to earlier, Hunter and Pietro both screaming through their teeth, loved ones crying at their sides, those with medical experience trying their best for them before they could get proper help.

##  April 14th, 1240 EST, 2040 MST

They landed at The Icerink, Daisy the first off the jet, rushing OR anxiously, Ed practically having to hold her back so she didn't burst in, her leg killing her as she stood on it.

"Where's Bella?" Wanda asked Phil quietly, needing to get away from her twin’s blood, from his screams.

"RR 76, she's sedated, on suicide watch." He told her quietly, watching her and Ava leave, arms linked. Ava walked with a slight limp, something he assumed would need to be seen sooner rather than later, and her suit was partially burned off, leaving raw skin underneath, but he let them go.

"Medical reinforcements are 10 minutes out." Mack announced as he walked into the silent waiting room, everyone's gaze fixed on the floor, Daisy and Ed huddled up together as they waited for news, their faces empty of emotion. Ed knew she should be with Bella, knew that she was her responsibility, but she couldn't leave Daisy, not when  _ Jemma _ was clinging onto life in surgery. 

"We almost lost two, they’re in the OR." Mack continued. Everyone knew already, there were two gaping holes where Hunter and Pietro should've been. Bobbi was curled up with Nat and Trip, Trip stroking her hair whilst Nat spoke to her in quiet Russian, kissing her forehead lightly. Wanda was with Ava, Robbie was practically spooning with America.

He didn't say anything else, just sat next to Yo-yo, letting her shift onto his lap so he could hold her close, her head resting on his shoulder. Everyone was bloody, exhausted to the bone, anxious about Jemma, Hunter and Pietro, waiting impatiently for the medical reinforcements so they could take proper care of everyone. 

##  April 14th, 1250 EST, 2050 MST

Ali stuck with Jemma when they arrived, whilst Hunter, Pietro, and Kara were taken into surgery, Nat holding Bobbi back as she tried to follow, tears falling fast down her face. Ed watched numbly as her sister broke down in Black Widow's arms, gasping sobs echoing against the bitter white walls, Daisy squeezing her hand gently. 

"Eds, you should get that leg seen too." Daisy said quietly, watching as the others were all taken to their own rooms, Daisy feeling slightly guilty about her own wellbeing before reminding herself that her girlfriend was literally on the brink of death. 

"I'm sorry." Ed just said, her eyes fixed on Bobbi. 

"What? There's no need-" Ed shook her head tightly.

"I'm sorry, Daisy, I'm so, so sorry. I knew, I knew that this was coming for months, and I didn't tell you. I knew Lincoln was alive, I knew Ivan was watching you, I knew there'd be a fight, and I didn't tell any of you, and I'm so sorry," Ed tried to cry, but tears felt wrong, she was undeserving of them, of their release. 

"I'm not the one who needs to forgive you." Daisy said softly, "But, for future reference, no matter what, I always will." Daisy promised. Ed nodded, eyes falling to her lap, "They'll be alright, Eds, the twins, Ava. They're hurt, but they will forgive you." Daisy continued, not mentioning Jemma because she might not be alright, squeezing her hand lightly. Ed nodded, her bottom lip quivering, Daisy tutting softly.

"I hated not telling you." She sniffled, sighing with a laugh as she wiped her eyes, “And I kept telling myself that it was for the best, to trust the system. I did, and now my girlfriend isn't talking to me, my best friend is operating on your girlfriend, and her twin is on suicide watch. Again." She said, trying to keep her tone light, the wobble in her voice letting her down.

"I know you did. And it sucks that they put all that on you, but none of this was your fault, okay? You followed your orders, you were a good soldier, a good agent, but missions go south sometimes. Take it from someone who grew up in S.H.I.E.L.D., this wasn’t the first fuck up and it won’t be the last, the system isn't perfect. All you can do is trust that your team will be there to pick each other up after. We're a family, Eds, nothing will tear us apart." Daisy told her, Ed nodded, Bobbi's sobs dying out as Nat led her down the corridor, disappearing to wherever they were sleeping. 

"You know you really should get the leg looked at." Daisy whispered.

"I don't like medical rooms." Ed confessed. Daisy frowned, "Throw back to the last time we were in a hospital together, that time my sister got shot and we both got our hearts broken." Ed reminded her, chuckling wetly.

"The Room." Daisy nodded, everything clicking into place. 

"Bingo." Ed confirmed. 

"I'll get someone to look at you out here, yeah?" Daisy offered. 

"Thanks." Ed nodded, regretting it as soon as Daisy got up, her warmth leaving Ed's side. 

##  April 14th, 1330 EST, 2130 MST

"A-Ava?" Bella whispered, her voice hoarse as she woke up, looking around the room she'd been taken to. The last thing she remembered was arriving at The Icerink, her mind still foggy from the sedative. Ava woke with a start, looking around until her eyes rested on Bella.

"Bella." Ava sighed, sitting up in her chair. Wanda was on the other one, sleeping peacefully. 

"W-what happened?" She rasped, her throat dry. Ava reached for a water bottle, finding a straw for her from a drawer and handing it to her, Bella gasping in pain as she tried to sit up.

"3 broken ribs." Ava said calmly, holding the bottle for her as she drank. 

"From..." Bella frowned, her face falling as she remembered. Wanda jerked awake, her mind assaulted as everything flooded back to Bella. 

"Bella it's okay." Wanda soothed, standing up to rest a hand on her head. Bella whimpered as Wanda cupped her cheek, her eyes filling with tears as Lincoln died all over again. 

"No, no, listen, that wasn't him, okay?" Wanda said firmly, looking her in the eye, Ava watching in confusion as the pair seemed to have a whole conversation using very few words. 

"Wh-" Bella tried, the words not forming. 

"I don't know, but whatever it was, it wasn't Lincoln Campbell. Lincoln Campbell died in a car crash in 2020." Wanda said sadly, stroking Bella's hair.

"Jemma." Bella's voice broke, Wanda gasping as she heard the screams too. 

"Bozhe moy." Wanda muttered, closing her eyes for a second. 

"She's in surgery." Ava filled in for Bella.

"Ivan?" Wanda asked for Bella.

"I shot him in the head." Ava said bluntly. 

"Good." Bella nodded. She took a minute, closing her eyes again, breathing for a second. 

"Lincoln." She whimpered again, less fire behind it this time. 

"He's dead." Wanda said firmly.

"He wasn't. S.H.I.E.L.D. lied." She said sullenly. Ava laughed.

"Yeah, they do that." She thought bitterly about Ed. Wanda turned around sharply.

"Stay out of my head, Maximoff." Ava growled. 

"This isn't on her." Wanda said quietly, turning so Bella couldn't hear as well. 

"She lied. For a year. To all of us." Ava whispered, Wanda flinching at her anger. 

"She had no choice." Wanda said sadly.

"There's  _ always _ a choice." Ava countered. 

"No, I saw her inside her head after, she didn't have a choice." Wanda argued. Ava shook her head.

"You know who didn't have a choice? Me. I didn't have a choice when I followed her into S.H.I.E.L.D. 's war, I didn't have a choice when my abuser strapped me to a chair and they made me stand down, I didn't have a choice in any of this." Ava spat, storming out. Wanda sighed, sitting on Bella's bedside.

"Put me back to sleep." Bella said in a small voice. Wanda turned to look at her.

"What?"

"Put me to sleep and make me dream of him, I don't want to remember." Bella pleaded, tears gathering in her eyes as her mind assaulted them both with gunshots, Lincoln, Jemma, over and over. Wanda closed her eyes, shaking her off.

"I don't want to." She refused. Bella raised her eyebrows.

"And why the fuck not?" She snapped, Wanda grimacing at her tone. 

"It's not safe. And I don't want to lose control and hurt you more." Wanda denied her. Bella scoffed.

"I was forced to listen to my sister get tortured and then watched my dead boyfriend get shot in the head by my friend's mum." She said dryly, refusing to cry, "Put me to sleep." She demanded again, "Let me be with him."

"It's not real." Wanda sighed.

"It's better than reality." Bella said bitterly. 

"It's a weapon, it's not supposed to be used for that," Wanda tried, but Bella just looked at her hands, her mind jumping to the next best option.

"No." Wanda refused, "Absolutely not, there are other ways, you got better before." She insisted.

"Put me back to sleep." Bella said numbly, burying herself back under her duvet. Wanda sighed, pulling Bella under sleep's velvety sheets, letting them engulf her, scarlet wisps dancing in her dreams as she twirled with Lincoln, laughing brightly as he lifted her up. Wanda sniffled as she watched, pulling herself out, leaving them alone, Bella's fantasies so much more alluring than the bleak hospital room they were in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)


	58. Where We Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amerikate being soft, Philinda being soft, Electriclark being the opposite of soft, Ali being HBIC, bioquake being soft :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for hospitals, mentions of violence

“Hey, princess.” America said softly as Kate woke up, sitting up in bed. 

“‘Merica.” Kate groaned, lifting a hand to press her fingers to her temple, groaning against her headache. “Wha’ happen’d?” She asked, sitting up and grimacing at her hospital gown.

“You passed out when we got off the quinjet, then puked, then passed out again.” America summarised, smirking a little.

“And what’s the diagnosis doc?” She asked wearily.

“Well you’ll be dead in two weeks.” America teased. 

“I don’t find you funny.” Kate grumbled. 

“The diagnosis is mortality, princess, you’ve been in a war, it’s essentially adrenaline and dehydration.” America told her gently, taking her hand.

“And I assume your divine self is above such mortal inconveniences?” Kate asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yup.” America popped the P, smirking at Kate as she wrinkled her nose. 

“Super.” Kate sighed, flopping back against her pillows. 

“Get the light, oh mighty one.” Kate nodded to the light switch. America did so, going to sit back down in her seat when Kate whined, reaching for her.

“What?” Kate just patted the bed next to her indignantly, beckoning her over. 

“I’m sick, I demand cuddles.” She pouted, shifting over so America could climb on the bed next to her. 

“Is that so?” She smirked, wrapping an arm around her back and smiling softly as Kate rested her head on her chest. 

“Yes.” Kate huffed, ripping her IV out so she could wrap an arm around America’s waist.

“Was that not important?” She whispered, watching as the tube swung.

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Kate sighed, nestling into her chest and smiling contentedly as Mac ran a hand through her hair. 

“Okay, princess.” America nodded, kissing her head softly.

* * *

“Sit down, Mel.” Phil said softly as he guided May to the hospital bed.

“Daisy-” She tried, but groaned softly as he eased her onto the bed.

“Daisy will be fine, she’s with Reyes. Let me stitch you up.” He asked quietly, grabbing the first aid kit.

“It’s just a graze.” She complained. Phil scoffed.

“Yeah, from a  _ bullet _ .” He reminded her, helping her take her jacket off.

“It’s fine.” She said, despite wincing as she moved her arm. 

“Hey, allow me to remind you of the post-Bahrain agreement, you get hurt, you let me take care of you.” It was something he had to bring up on most of their missions, May too stubborn to let him stitch her up otherwise, and absolutely too uncomfortable to let anyone else do it. May just rolled her eyes, looking away as he cleaned the graze, rubbing antiseptic and then anaesthetic on it.

“How’s Simmons?” She asked, her eyes fixed on the wall.

“Still in surgery, O’Connor’s got her.” May’s heart twisted as she asked the next question,

“Will she make it?” She asked tiredly. 

“Not the right person to ask.” Phil said sadly. 

“Did you see her when she came in?” May pushed. Phil nodded tightly.

“Distraught. Absolutely terrified, poor kid, sobbing and screaming, covered in bruises and blood.” He shook his head at the memory as he applied anaesthetic to her skin, holding her still as he worked.

“O’Connor?” May checked.

“Similar, not as injured, crying for Campbell.” He said grimly. May tutted.

“We handled this wrong, Phil.” She admitted.

“They system-”

“Fuck the system. Simmons is half dead, O’Connor watched me  _ kill _ her  _ dead _ boyfriend, Daisy might lose Jemma, Ali is left to fix her up, we forced Orlova to do  _ nothing _ in the hands of her _abuser_ , and Morse…” May trailed off, looking down in shame as she thought of the Morse sisters, “Morse knew for months and we had her lie for us.” May said the last part quieter, furious at herself for how everything turned out. 

“I know. I’m sorry, it is on us, on S.H.I.E.L.D.. The kids didn’t deserve this.” Phil said grimly, cleaning the needle before threading the thread through its eye. 

“They’re so  _ young _ , Phil.” May said tiredly, not flinching as he stitched her up, the anaesthetic doing its job, “The Maximoffs are 19, Pietro's _dying_ , the oldest is Simmons and she’s barely in her 20s.” May sighed, staying as still as she could.

“Oh, that reminds me. The Widows were picked up by Big S.H.I.E.L.D., Nat’s overseeing their placement, they’re at The Hub for deprogramming.” Coulson told her, May smiling slightly at the pride in his voice when he mentioned Nat. 

“She’ll do good.” May smiled, “Orlova will want a say in it as well.” She reminded him. He nodded, focusing on sewing up her arm, May mulling over everything in her mind.

“Hey, Alice O’Connor should be recommended for Comms.” She said suddenly, “She QB’d a mission with no previous training and did it pretty much perfectly.” Coulson nodded.

“I’ll talk to Maria.” He agreed, finished the stitch with a neat knot, wiping it with an antiseptic wipe. 

“My team is gonna get dismantled.” May said casually as he put the wipes and needle in the bin.

“What?” He asked, looking at her.

“Hunter might not make it, even if he does then him, Trip and Kara will need rehab and recovery, Yo-yo and Mack requested personal time ages ago and Mack is thinking of transferring anyway, leaving me and Bobbi. She’ll need time off if…” May didn’t finish the thought. 

“They’ll come back, Trip, Kara, Yo-yo, Bobbi. You’ve already filled in the paperwork for Edie, it’ll be temporary.” He assured her.

“So what am I supposed to do for a year?” May asked, sighing heavily as she stood up.

“I’ll talk to Hill.” Phil said slowly.

“What?” May frowned.

“You won’t say yes.”

“You don’t know that!” May protested. Phil sighed.

“Nat would love it.” He said half to himself. 

“No.” May shook her head, “I can’t look after twenty kids, Phil.” She said incredulously.

“That’s not what I’m asking. Most of them will end up at the prep anyway, I’m talking about the younger ones. Help Nat find families for them, keep them training, teach them. You’d be a great teacher, you’re already a great mom to like 8 people, Nat would appreciate a shoulder to lean on.” He pleaded. 

“I’ll consider it.” She said blankly, the thought of it scaring her. 

“That’s all I ask.” He smiled, offering her his jacket to cover up, her one destroyed by the blood. She took it gratefully, pulling it over her shoulders as they left.

* * *

“Vashka.” Ed said numbly as she found Ava curled up in a bunk. Ava didn’t acknowledge her presence, rage boiling deep in her stomach. She’d disappeared after the doctor had looked after her burns, Ed only brave enough to come and find her two hours later. 

“Ava.” She corrected her coldly. “My name is Ava.” Ed sighed, closing the door.

“Ava.” Ed nodded. 

“What do you want?” She asked, looking her up and down.

“To apologise. For all of it.” Ed said, wishing Ava would look at her. 

“Go on then.” Ava nodded, “You’ll apologise, then what? Then we kiss and make up? Then I break down crying in your arms? Then you win the girl back?” Ava guessed, tilting her head.

“No. I apologise then you decide if you still want me.” Ed said quietly, her heart tearing itself in half as she said the words, “And either way, I’ll understand. I’ll understand if you never wanna set eyes on me again, I’ll understand if you send me away. I’m not here to make excuses, I’m just here to hope that you’ll understand too.” Ed continued, her chest heavy.

“I’m sorry, Ava, truly. Since the moment I lied, and everyday since I’ve been sorry. Living with this, knowing it would happen and being powerless to stop it, not even allowed to tell you, that was painful for  _ me _ , and so I can only imagine how it is for you. And I know, that you won’t trust me and that you can’t, and that’s okay. I don’t deserve your trust, not anymore, I haven’t for a long time. And that’s okay too, I know that. It’s been  _ killing  _ me, ever since March. If you don’t want this anymore that’s okay, you deserve to know that I did it  _ for _ you, as counterintuitive as that may seem. I lied because I was ordered to, but it was more than that. You were  _ good _ , you were  _ happy _ . I didn’t want to be the one to take that from you.” Ed swallowed, determined not to cry, determined that she wouldn’t make her pity her. 

“That’s such  _ bullshit _ .” Ava raised her eyebrows. “You had no  _ right _ to keep that from me, from any of us. All of this, Lincoln, the Widows, his files on you, on Daisy, all of that hurt us, and you didn’t tell us and that was  _ wrong _ .” Ed nodded.

“I know I didn’t. I was stuck, Ava, and I should’ve come to you and I’m so, so sorry. I fucked up, okay? I put you all in danger because they said it would keep you safe, and I swear, that’s all I was trying to do.” Ed said, her voice breaking as she swallowed tears. 

“You fucked up.” Ava agreed. 

“I’m  _ sorry. _ ” Ed said again. 

“I know. You fucked up, and it sucks, and people got hurt. I love you,” Ed sighed in relief, “But I need time. Y-you lied to me, for a  _ year _ . Trust is… It’s hard, when you grew up like I did, but God, do I love you, and I want you, so badly. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. But please, time.” Ava asked, refusing to cry, not now, not with her. 

“Okay. Love you, Ava.” Ed nodded, closing the door as she left.

* * *

“Dee!” Ali called, wandering through the seemingly interminable corridors of the base, desperately trying to find her. 

“Barton, you seen May?” She asked, stopping her.

“Depends which one you’re talking about.” Ali rolled her eyes.

“Daisy.” 

“She’s in there.” Clint nodded to a bunk before heading off again. Ali knocked on the door softly, pushing it open when there was no reply. 

“Daisy.” Ali whispered, not wanting to scare her. She was sitting on her bed, trembling from head to toe, barely able to meet Ali’s eye.

“Daisy,” Ali tried again, moving to crouch in front of her, “Jemma’s out of surgery.” She said softly, resting her hands on Daisy’s knees. 

“...She, I mean, is she-” Daisy tried.

“She’s still asleep. She’ll live, Dee. I mean, it’s way more than likely that she will.” Ali beamed, lifting a hand to wipe a tear away from Daisy’s cheek.

“I don’t want her to die.” Daisy said in a small voice, her bottom lip wobbling.

“I know. She shouldn’t, there’s no outstanding reason anymore. She’s got infections, she’ll either be in a lot of pain or hopped up on painkillers. She won’t die though.” Ali assured her, cupping her cheek.

“I love her, Ali, she’s the love of my goddamn life.” Daisy choked, sniffling through her tears. Ali chuckled a little, “What?” Daisy frowned.

“Daisy, I knew that before you knew that. I’ve been here, you know that? Since the goddamn beginning with you two. And I will be fucking damned if I let the universe take her from you now.” Ali promised, rubbing her back as Daisy collapsed in her arms, sobbing against her.

“I hate it.” Daisy cried, “I hate seeing her in pain like this, I hate her getting hurt because of me.” She sobbed, heaving in Ali’s arms.

“It wasn’t on you, Dee. There were  _ so  _ many things wrong with this mission, this entire operation, but you only did anything  _ for _ her.” Daisy sniffled.

“And it got her  _ tortured.”  _ She pointed out.

“Because Ivan Somodorov is,  _ was _ , a twisted psychopath. Definitely not because you refused to surrender to him.” Ali said fiercely. She pulled away to look Daisy in the eye.

“This is  _ not your fault _ , okay?” She asked, holding her gaze. Daisy nodded, “Now, let’s go see your girlfriend.” Ali said firmly, standing up to offer her hand. Daisy took it, following Ali quietly down the blank corridors, wanting to rip every single goddamn eagle off those walls. 

“She’ll wake up in 40 minutes or so, give us a shout when she does.” 

“Hey, can you find some stim toys for her? And some comm stuff, a white board or something?” Daisy asked, swallowing her tears before she left.

“I’ll see what I can find.” Ali told her quietly, leaving Daisy outside her room. She opened the door tentatively, gasping quietly as she saw her, her face beaten, brown and red hair spread out over her pillow, heart monitor beeping steadily. Daisy turned the light off, Jemma hated white light, and searched for her heartbeat, sighing in relief at its steady perseverance. 

She sat down in the black chair, scooting it closer to her side as she gently quaked the door shut. She studied Jemma’s face, her entrancing beauty, her peace, just how young she looked. She reached forward, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead and cupping her cheek, smiling softly at her.

“I love you.” She mumbled, partially to herself, mostly to Jemma, comforted by her heart beat.

* * *

“I found-” Ali started as she walked into the room half an hour later to see Daisy asleep by her side, Jemma still unconscious. Ali smiled at the pair, setting down the few fidget toys she’s wrangled from drawers, people and Quinjets, as well as the whiteboard and pen she’d found before leaving in silence. 

“They good?” Robbie asked as she left. Him and Kamala had been following her around like puppies since everyone had come back, neither of them injured given their powers, neither of them wanting to stick around whilst people cried.

“Sleeping like babies.” Ali nodded, “Mala, can you go find Coulson and May, I need to know what’s happening. Rob, go check up on Joey.” Ali half ordered, leaning against the wall as they left. It had been a stressful seven hours. 

* * *

Jemma whined quietly as she woke up, trying to lift her hand to wipe her eyes, finding that it had been stolen by a certain superhero. Daisy woke up slowly as Jemma tapped her hand, smiling up at her as she woke up.

“Hey, Jems.” She said nervously, not quite sure what to expect. Jemma beamed at her, tears building in her eyes, because Daisy was  _ here _ , she was with her, she wasn’t alone.

“Oh, no, what’s wrong?” Daisy asked hurriedly, letting Jemma’s hand go in case she was overstepping. Jemma shook her head, taking Daisy’s hand and pulling it to her heart so Daisy could feel it, sighing as memories hit her, closing her eyes again and groaning softly. 

“Jemma?” Daisy asked quietly, spreading her hand over her chest. Jemma shook her head again, pursing her lips as more tears fell, her back and ribs on fire, “Are you in pain, should I get Ali?” Daisy asked quietly, using her spare hand to brush the hair off her forehead. Jemma didn’t say anything, just focusing on the feeling of Daisy’s hand on her head, Daisy’s hand against her chest. 

  
She cupped her cheek, brushing away a tear as she leaned in to kiss Jemma’s forehead, Jemma wrapping an arm around her neck to keep her there, the pain sending nausea through her stomach, but it didn’t matter. Because Daisy was  _ here _ , Daisy came for her, Daisy was back where she belonged, back with Jemma. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)


	59. To Be Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for death, grieving

Wanda roamed the hallways, not quite sure what to do with herself whilst Pietro was in surgery. They'd been through everything together, her life without him, her without him, it was nothing. He was there, always, one constant in her life, through Sokovia and Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D., Pietro was always there. He was funny and soft and young, Wanda made him hot chocolate when they saw each other, she teased him about his crush on Robbie, he was her brother, he was solid ground, he was home, the last piece of her home she carried. And he was about to be torn away from her. 

She wanted to shout, or to cry, to scream at somebody about the injustice of it all, to make them listen, to make them understand. She wanted to follow him, or take his place, to keep their promise that wherever they went they'd stick together. She wanted to hold him, to comfort him, but no, he'd die in surgery, lights and doctors around him, asleep on a cold table. 

She didn't know who to go to. Usually she'd turn to him, or to Oksana, or Lila. None of them were here, here she was stuck in a base full of warriors, all of them injured, a couple of them dying. It stunk of death, that day. Its dark shadow, its looming foreverness, its whispered promises of release, of peace, of tranquility at last. She could feel how tempting it was, to let go, to follow him and join their parents in the stars.

"Miss Maximoff." Someone shook her awake gently, Wanda opening her eyes on the waiting room couch.

"Pietro's dead." She gasped as the doctor loomed over her, a blanket of nothingness engulfing her as she fell comfortably into it.

"I'm sorry, Miss, we did everything we could." The doctor apologized sincerely. Wanda nodded numbly, her ears roaring.

"Th-thank you, sir." She nodded, hoping he'd take the cue and leave. 

"Take care, kid." He said warmly as he left, as though he hadn't just told her that her world was ending, that her center of gravity had collapsed. She sat perfectly still on the sofa, staring at the ground, her brow furrowed. She didn't know how to process this. How was she supposed to process this? This chasm that was ripped in her heart, this hole that he left, the warmth that he carried, his flame, gentle, but steady. Or so she thought. 

"Wanda." Bella said softly as she entered the room. 

"P'yetro pomer." She said dully as she sat next to her. Bella nodded numbly. 

"I know. I’m sorry." She took her hand, rubbing her thumb over her knuckle.

"My brother died tonight." Wanda said, as though she was testing out the words on her tongue, the taste of them bitter.

“Wanda?” Bella asked softly, leaning forward to look her in the eye. 

“He’s dead.” She whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. She could feel objects levitating around her, Bella looking up nervously as pens and pillows danced through the air.

“Wanda-”

“He-” She could feel her heart racing, her mind spinning out of control as the world danced before her, Bella’s voice drowned out by a roaring in her ears. Pens started dashing through the air, Bella ducking as one dashed toward her head, Wanda’s hands flapping aggressively, her breathing ragged.

“He’s  _ dead _ .” She gasped, rocking backwards and forwards as she tried to stop the pens, only making them move faster.

“Hey, Wanda?” Bella said confidently, straightening up once she realised the pens couldn’t touch them, “Wanda, look at me.” She ordered, taking her hands. Wanda forced herself to look her in the eyes, her panic rising and falling in her as she choked out breaths.

“H-” Bella shook her head.

“Count with me, okay?” She asked her, nodding encouragingly as they started at one, working their way up to twenty slowly, and then back down again, “Can you talk?” Bella asked, her mind switching to the routine that she knew far too well.

“He’s dead.” Wanda just said. Bella nodded.

“I know. You want me to tell you what I wish someone had told me?” She asked, cupping Wanda’s cheek as she looked into her eyes. Wanda nodded, her lip quivering as more tears fell.

“That emptiness that you feel, the one that’s filling you?” Bella started. Wanda nodded, taking a hand up to her heart, “That will pass. The pain, the anger, the fear, all of it passes, okay? You don’t ever move on, or forget, I promise, but this pain  _ will pass _ .” She emphasised, wiping one of her tears away.

“He’s dead.” Wanda repeated, defeat in her voice.

“He is.” Bella nodded, “And God, I’m  _ sorry _ , Wanda.” Bella pulled her into a hug, the loss of a twin unimaginable. Ali was her other half, they’d grown up together, they knew each other, inside and out. They were each other’s home, she couldn’t imagine losing that. Wanda sniffled as she leaned on her shoulder, emptiness filling her up as she realised she’d never talk to him again, as she realised she couldn’t even remember what she last said to him, when she’d last hugged him, when they’d last joked together, the last time she saw his smile. “Hey, I know I can’t understand, but I am here for you.” She told her quietly as she rubbed her back. 

“Thank you.” Wanda said in a small voice, sighing heavily as she pulled away. 

“I’m gonna see if I can see him.” She decided, her accent coming out a little.

“Do you want me to come?” Bella asked as she offered her a hand.

“Please?” Bella nodded, following her out. 

  
  


Wanda looked down at him. She traced his features with her finger, his lips still set in a slight smirk. He could almost be sleeping, she thought as she looked at him, studying his scars, his eyes, his hair.

“He looks so young.” She whispered as she held Bella’s hand.

“He didn’t deserve this.” Bella said softly, unable to look at him.

“Ya tebe lyublyu.” Wanda just said as she looked at him, softening as tears fell, brushing them before they could fall. “YA budu sumuvaty za toboyu, bratyku.” She promised as she looked away, pulling the cover over his face as she looked away, letting Bella lead her through the door, feeling herself being tucked into bed, her forehead being kissed, the world falling around her as she got lost in her mind, in memories of him, or trauma, trying to dejumble her emotions as she lay there, unmoving in the unceasing night. 

* * *

"Bobbi Morse?" The doctor asked as she walked into waiting room B, where Nat, Bobbi, Mack and Yo-yo were all waiting patiently.

"Hi." Bobbi said grimly, not looking up.

"Could you step outside with me?" Bobbi's heart stopped, time froze around her. Her blood rushed from her head, her mind instantly spiralled, awful images of Hunter's body overcoming her.

"Bobbi?" Nat said softly after Bobbi didn't reply. 

"Miss Morse-" Bobbi shook her head.

"No. I don't think I will." She said defiantly, closing her eyes as a few tears slipped out. 

"Bobbi-" Nat tried again, her voice cripplingly soft.

"No." Bobbi said again. Because if they couldn't tell her then it couldn't be true, right?

"I'll go." Mack said quietly, resting a hand on Bobbi's shoulder as he left, Bobbi moving so her elbows were resting on her knees, and her head was in her hands. 

"Querida," Yo-yo said softly, moving to sit next to her. Bobbi shook her head, the world spinning.

"No." She said again, shaking her head fiercely, "No, I don't want to hear it. Don't even try, please." She whispered, her voice breaking. Nat brought up a hand to rub her back but Bobbi jerked away, shaking them both off, feeling claustrophobic.

"I need- I need to- I gotta-" She said, leaving quickly, storming out of the room, twirling her batons as she went. She was vaguely aware of someone calling her name behind her, of people dodging her as she walked, her eyes on fire, her mind drowning. She burst into the gym, immediately punching a heavy bag. Hard. She didn't even grimace as she felt her fist take the toll, just punching again. And again. And again. 

She didn't care to cover up her cries of frustration, didn't dry to silence her sobs. Her husband was dead. She was allowed to feel this. She kept going at the bag, every punch, every shot of pain reminding her of what she lost, of what she was too careless with, of what she took for granted. 

She screamed as she collapsed on the floor, her knuckles torn to shreds, her face wet from tears, her chest still heaving from sobs. 

She curled up in a ball on the floor of the gym, shaking as nausea rose in her stomach, dizziness overcoming her as she stumbled to the bin, puking acidic bile, falling back to the floor.

"Bobbi?" A familiar voice asked.

"Go away, Ed." Bobbi sighed, hating how her voice sounded. Ed didn't seem bothered by the request, sitting next to Bobbi quietly, "I said go away." Bobbi said hoarsely. Ed smiled slightly.

"I'm not going anywhere." Ed said softly, watching her carefully. Bobbi sniffled, choking out another sob as she tried to talk.

“What do you want?” She asked harshly, her eyes fixed on the floor.

“My brother in law just died.” Ed said numbly, “My girlfriend might never trust me again after I lied to her for a year, one of my best friends was tortured, and my sister is crying on a gym floor because her husband is dead. I need you.” Ed said delicately, her stature withering under Bobbi’s gaze.

“I’m sorry.” Bobbi broke as she looked at her, the realisation of what she’d done hitting her like a tidal wave, “God, Edie, I’m so sorry.” She cried, part of her revelling in the moment of weakness. 

“I don’t need you to be sorry. I just need you.” Bobbi nodded.

“I need you.” She echoed, partially to herself. Such a funny thing, to be needed, to be wanted, Ed thought, to have a home, a person who was your true north, a person who’d always come back.

“Hunter’s dead.” Bobbi sniffled, wiping away a tear.

“I’m sorry.” Ed mouthed, not finding the words. Bobbi shrugged.

“This isn’t how it was supposed to go with us. We were supposed to grow old, to retire from S.H.I.E.L.D., we were supposed to have a family, we were supposed to be each other’s family, but now…” Bobbi trailed off, her voice breaking. “‘Til death us do part was never supposed to mean 27.” She said with a weak chuckle. Ed looked at her. Really, properly looked at her, and it was like a looking glass shattering. She didn’t see her older sister, or Mockingbird, she saw a girl, a broken girl with nowhere to go, a girl who’s love had been taken from her, she saw a girl who’d carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, a girl who’d watched life fly by as she took care of her sister, a girl who’s real life hadn’t begun until she was 16. A girl who’s world was crumbling around her, a girl who’d never been weak. 

Ed felt the lump in her throat drop as she watched her, as she watched her sister, her sister who’d always been strong, been solid, been powerful, reduced to a sobbing mess on the floor. She knew her sister well enough to know she would want to run, to hide, to pretend not to feel, to conceal her grief, her heart wrenching-world destroying grief, under layers of sarcasm and scoffs.

“Don’t go. Bobbi,  _ please _ , don’t go.” Ed asked in a strained voice. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Bobbi promised, but the words felt empty. 

“Please, you need us.”  _ And we need you. _ Bobbi just nodded, her face contorting once again as more tears fell. 

“What?”

“I need him.” She admitted, almost ashamed of the statement. She buried her face in her hands, a mixture of a groan and a whimper escaping. She needed him, his unconditional loyalty, his knack of always coming back, she needed him to call her sweetheart, to lean up and kiss her head. She needed him safe in her arms, where he belonged, she needed to hold him, she wished she could hold him, just one last time. 

“I know.” Ed nodded, because she did. Because she knew what it was to have someone who was your home, to have someone as the burning star in the centre of your solar system, for them to be your center of gravity, to feel as though without them you’re just a speck of dust in the infinite.

“And I  _ miss _ him.” Bobbi stressed, the statement sounding ridiculous.

“I know.” Ed said quietly, looking down. Because she lost him too. She lost him, and his stupid teasing, his insensitive jokes, his laugh, how he looked at Bobbi. She lost a brother, just as Bobbi lost a husband.

“No, you don’t.” Bobbi shook her head, more tears spilling.

“No, I don’t. But I lost him too.” Ed said softly. Bobbi nodded.

“I think I might be lost without him.” Bobbi confessed. God, how could she let this happen? How could everything just end like this, not with a crash, not with screamed arguments, not with mutual agreement, but with the shot of a bullet, with the sharp inhale of a breath. 

“I think that you’ll need a while to find yourself.” Ed corrected her gently, taking her hand. Bobbi leaned into her as she cried, resting her head on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her, clinging to her like she was the last anchor she had in the world, because at that moment, she was. 

Ed didn’t tell her that her world was ending too. Ed didn’t tell her that her heart was breaking itself in half as Bobbi cried, she didn’t tell her that she could still feel Ivan’s hands on her shoulders, on her breasts, crawling all over her. She didn’t tell her that she could still hear his voice, smell his breath, still see the lights, the metronome still echoing in her skull. She didn’t tell her, she held her, and they cried. For Hunter, for Pietro, for Jemma, for Ava, for the entire shitty, for dark warehouses and the smell of blood, for rough hands against her body and for a Hunter sized hole in their lives. 

It was Nat who found them not an hour later, curled up against the wall together, Ed half asleep on Bobbi’s shoulder.

“Morse.” She half whispered, smiling at the sight of the two, usually fiercely powerful and damn intimidating women curled up together.

“Tasha.” Bobbi sighed as she opened an eye. 

“I looked in your bunks but you weren’t there, Reyes said you came this way.” Nat said quietly as she sat down, a strange urge to brush Ed’s hair from her face washing over her as she slept. 

“Hunter.” Bobbi whimpered, wiping her eyes. Her head was aching, her eyes were puffy, she needed a drink.

“I’m sorry, Morse.” Nat said gently, looking her dead in the eye. 

“Can I stay with you? Up at The Academy?” Bobbi asked hesitantly. Nat nodded.

“Whatever you need.” Bobbi sighed, tucking Ed’s hair behind her ear as she woke up.

“Talia.” She sighed as she opened her eyes, reaching for Nat to hug her. Nat gathered her into her arms, unsurprised when she felt tears leak out of Ed’s eyes and onto her neck, rubbing her back. 

“You didn’t go.” Ed sniffled as she turned to face Bobbi. 

“No, malenkiy. I didn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :(


	60. Tell Me They'll Be Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission debriefing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meh

“Debrief in 30 minutes.” Coulson announced over the intercom. They’d been at The Icerink for four days already, but no one had pushed for a debrief, Hunter and Pietro’s deaths hanging heavily over the base, everyone was still recovering from injuries, or in Kamala, Robbie, America, Mack and Ali’s case, taking care of everyone else. 

Coulson had been on calls to Big S.H.I.E.L.D. for most of the time, trying to arrange debrief, clearance levels, the relocation of The Widows, the infiltration teams for Ivan’s remaining bases, seizing of his assets, tracking down his soldiers (enhanced or otherwise), all the comms things, essentially. Ali had been a huge help to him, acting as something of a right hand man, not wanting to spend her time in the hospital wing. Hospitals had always scared her, their smells, sick people. So, she stuck around Coulson, finding that comms actually wasn’t as awful as it sounded.

“Jems, you up for that?” Daisy asked gently, looking up from her phone. Jemma shrugged. She hadn’t spoken yet, her tongue was tied, her mind was cloudy. Clint and Kate had been around more, teaching her and Daisy sign language so they could still talk, which Jemma quite enjoyed. Daisy found it hilarious, that Hawkeye, both of them, despite their reputations were both hugely soft. Clint bought Jemma a comfort blanket he found, Kate visited constantly to sign with them. 

“No.” She signed shakily and slowly, more of an admission than anything.

“Okay. I’ll tell my dad.” Daisy nodded. 

“You can.” Jemma continued, spelling out ‘can’ because she hadn’t learnt it yet, trying not to look like she’d mind. 

“Like hell.” Daisy scoffed. “I’m staying right here.” She promised, heart singing at Jemma’s smile. They’d become few and far between, tired and hesitant. 

“Thank you.” Jemma signed. 

“Of course.” Daisy said with a slight smile.

* * *

“Debrief in 30 minutes.” Nat heard Coulson’s voice, looking up sharply. She was playing cards with Clint and the Morses, all three of them cheating so they cancelled each other out.

“I’ll cover for you if you don’t wanna go.” Clint told Bobbi sincerely. 

“It’s my duty.” She said wearily, already dreading the pity looks, the combat assessments, hearing all over again how her husband got shot and she didn’t even notice. Maybe she could’ve saved him, if she’d been quicker, or more aware, or better.

“Coulson won’t mind.” Nat looked up briefly.

“It’s fine. Really.” She lied smoothly. Ed rolled her eyes.

“We’re literally all trained spies, lying is fruitless.”  _ Deception is her forte _ . Bobbi shook away the memory, sighing.

“I’ll go.” She decided. 

“Okay.” Nat said, smiling at her briefly. Bobbi nodded, sighing as she looked back to her cards.

* * *

“Debrief in thirty minutes.” Bella looked over at Wanda, scrunching her face up. They were in Ava’s room, the three of them sticking together after Bella had been let out of the hospital wing, Wanda afraid to leave the both of them alone after seeing inside their heads. Wanda and Bella were all but spooning on the bed, but Ava was on the armchair in the corner, still not letting anyone touch her. Not after him. 

“Ed.” Ava sighed. 

“She might not be there.” Wanda offered, “She might stay with Bobbi.” Bella’s heart twisted as she thought of the both of them, longing for Ed. She’d been with E.C.H.O. more than people her own age, Bella wishing she could assume it had more to do with Hunter’s death than the crushing guilt she could only assume Ed was carrying, but she had a suspicion that would be wrong. 

“She’ll be there.” Ava said grimly, “And I can’t exactly skip, I don’t favoritism from  _ anyone _ .” She sighed.

“You and Nat are literally related.” Wanda scoffed. Bella had to stifle a laugh.

“...You think we’re related?” Ava asked, her eyebrows raised. Wanda looked at her, dead in the eyes, 

“Yes.” She said, “You’re both red heads, you’re both Russian, you’re both from The Red Room, what else would I assume?” Wanda asked.

“I’m auburn, technically Ukrainian and we’re from different generations. Nat isn’t related to me.” Ava laughed a little.

“You act like it.” Bella pointed out, “You’ve tried to kill her a similar amount of times Ali has tried to kill me.” Bella pointed out.

“The key difference is that I  _ actually _ wanted to, and you just stole Ali’s charger.” Ava said dryly. 

“You tried to kill her?” Wanda asked.

“Well not  _ kill _ , just harm, or seriously injure.” Ava shrugged. 

“Charming.” Wanda nodded.

“She left me! I had every reason to be mad.” Ava protested. 

“Whatever you say, alyy.” Wanda nodded.

“Debrief in thirty minutes.” Coulson announced. Kara sighed.

“I hate this.” She grumbled, nodding to her bandages. She’d taken a bullet to the back and one to the leg, rendering her utterly unable to walk. 

“Girl, tell me about it.” Trip sighed from his bed where his leg was bandaged.

“You’ll need a wheelchair.” Yo-yo pointed out.

“I’d rather perish.” Kara stuck her chin up.

“You might if you don’t turn up.” Mack pointed out. They were in Kara’s hospital room, technically, but Trip had been wheeled through, and Mack and Yo-yo were there to keep them company. Or, in Yo-yo’s case, to tease them. 

“I’m injured, surely that excuses me?” Kara whined.

“Well, sure, if you’re May, Simmons, Romanov or Barton.” Mack pointed out.

“Damn favouritism.” Kara grumbled. 

“I mean, Simmons is in pretty bad shape.” Mack reasoned, “And Daisy wouldn’t leave her side last I checked.” 

“Romanov never turns up to debriefings anyway.” Trip said dismissively.

“Have a lot of experience with her, do you?” Yo-yo asked.

“One more mission than you, Rodriguez.” Trip grinned. 

“Not a team player. Especially with boys.” Kara said, smirking. 

“Her and Barton get on fine.” Mack said.

“Sure, I’ve  _ never _ seen them argue.” Kara said sarcastically.

“Fine, fine, whatever. We should get going.” Mack sighed, nodding as Yo-yo used her powers, back with two wheelchairs.

“Over my dead goddamn body.” Kara protested.

“C’mon, Palamas.” Trip shook his head, letting Mack help him out of bed. 

“I hate S.H.I.E.L.D.” Kara grumbled as Yo-yo eased her into the chair, pain shooting to her back instantly.

“You know, this can’t be good for my recovery.” She complained. Yo-yo rolled her eyes.

“Suficiente.” She sighed, following Mack and Trip.

* * *

“Debrief in thirty minutes.” The voice scared the group, making all of them jump.

“Dios.” America sighed as she sunk back down in her chair, Kate on her lap. They were in a common room they’d found with Kamala, Robbie and Joey, none of them significantly injured in any way, other than Joey’s burns. 

“¿Cómo es el debrief?” Joey asked them, not looking forward to it.

“Está bien. Simplemente repase eventos, activos, evaluaciones de combate, tal vez información, cosas así.” (It’s okay, just go over events, assets, combat evals, intel, stuff like that.) Kate shrugged. 

“Es aburrido.” (It’s boring.) America summarised. 

“Aman su burocracia.” Kamala tutted. When S.H.I.E.L.D. had found her there had been  _ so  _ many reports, it had been exhausting.

“O'Connor ha estado corriendo sin parar, he estado exhausto viéndola.” (O’Connor’s been running around non-stop, I’ve been exhausted watching her.) Joey sighed. 

“Ella tiene miedo, creo.” (She 's scared, I think) Robbie said. 

“¿De que?” Kamala frowned.

“Bien, miralo de esta manera. Su hermana está de vuelta en vigilancia de suicidio, su mejor amiga siempre está con Romanov o Morse porque su cuñado  _ murió _ , Jemma está en el hospital después de ser torturada y Daisy no se ha apartado de su lado. Ali no sabe qué hacer consigo misma.” 

(Well, look at it this way. Her sister is on suicide watch  _ again _ , her best friend is always with Morse or Romanov because her brother in law  _ died _ , Jemma is in hospital after being tortured and Daisy won’t leave her side. Ali doesn’t know what to do with herself.) Robbie explained thoughtfully. 

“Es un desastre.” Kate sigue. 

“Si. Deberíamos irnos.” (Yeah. We should go.) America decided, offering Kate a hand as she got up. 

“Gratias.” Kate nodded. They all headed to the main conference room, the only one big enough to fit everyone in. Ali, Coulson and May were already in there, Coulson standing at the front of the room with a screen, May perched on a table next to Ali, who looked utterly exhausted. .

“Take a seat, kids.” Coulson nodded as they walked in. Next to arrive were Yo-yo, Mack, Trip and Kara, Kara looking exceptionally grumpy. 

“That’s not a pretty face.” America raised an eyebrow.

“I hate everything.” Kara grumbled as Yo-yo wheeled her through, “Anyway, I watched you take like 5 bullets, what the hell?” She whined at America.

“Alien blood babey.” Mac smirked. 

“Hey, I’m pretty sure I saw all of you take bullets.” Trip nodded to the group.

“Not me.” Kate shrugged, “The others though.” 

“Hey, I got the devil in my head.” Robbie shrugged.

“I’m bulletproof.” Joey grinned.

“Healing powers.” Kamala contributed.

“Wheelchair.” Kara said flatly. 

“You’re fine, Palamas.” May sighed.

“I have two bullet wounds!” 

“You  _ will _ be fine.” May corrected herself.  _ Unlike Hunter. _ She thought bitterly. Ed, Nat, Clint and Bobbi arrived next, Bobbi clinging to Nat’s hand.

“Take a seat.” Phil said. May nodded to them. Nat nodded back, Bobbi’s eyes fixed on the ground as she sat next to her, anxiety filling her as she could feel people staring at  _ Bobbi _ . She spat the name like fire in her head, Bobbi Bobbi Bobbi, Bobbi who couldn’t be without her sister, Bobbi who’d  _ left _ her sister, Bobbi who’d lost her husband. 

“Waiting on three more, then we can start.” Coulson said.

“Three?” Ali frowned.

“Jemma.” May said softly.  _ And Daisy _ . Ali filled in. 

“I’ll type up a report to send them.” Ali nodded. 

“You don’t have to.” May said softly. Ali shook her head.

“They should know-”

“I’ll do it.” Phil interrupted as Wanda, Bella and Ava came in. 

“Ali.” Bella breathed, making for her twin. 

“Hey, Bells.” Ali said slightly awkwardly as she collapsed against her, recovering quickly so she could wrap her arms around her back.

“I’m sorry.” Ali said quietly, conscious of everybody staring. 

“I could've had him back.” Bella muttered.

“No, Bells. You couldn’t.” Ali replied, rubbing her back. Bella nodded tearily, leaning against her.

“I know.” She agreed, Ali hating how defeated she sounded. 

“You’re okay?” Bella laughed dryly.

“No. But I’ve been worse.” There was a moment of silence, before Bella said quietly, “I need to go.” Ali inhaled sharply, before nodding. 

“You’ll graduate?” 

“Yeah. But I can’t keep doing this.” 

“We’ll talk.” Ali promised, pulling her closer. Phil let it happen, waiting until they pulled apart to actually start debriefing everyone, Ali sitting next to Bella, frowning at Ed and the fact that she was on the opposite side of the room to Ava

“We’ll talk.” Ed mouthed. Ali nodded.

“Alrighty, so, thank you all for coming-”

“Was this not compulsory?” Kara interrupted. May just glared at her. 

“It was. Anyway, we’ll start with a breakdown of events.” Phil decided, turning on the screen, “On April 13th at 9am EST, O’Connor and Simmons were seized by Hydra. Based on your blood work what they gave you was a sedative dendrotoxin.” Phil told Bella, who just nodded. Simmons should’ve been able to take a look at it, she thought bitterly, Jemma would’ve known what it was.

“We’ve tracked the van, you drove to an airfield in Ottawa before being driven into a plane and flown to Moscow, landing at 0000 EST, 0800 MST. At this time, Ivan Somodorov called May, Morse and Orlova to you. Orlova called Romanov, who assembled the tac team.” 

“Wait, if Orlova called Romanov at midnight then how come we only heard anything four hours later?” America asked.

“E.C.H.O. were still en route to The Academy. Meanwhile, Morse, Orlova and May  _ stole _ a Hydra jet, going against a superior officer’s orders and flew across the Atlantic.” Ed scoffed.

“That’s hardly  _ fair _ . Nat doesn’t count as a superior officer.” Ed pointed out.

“I’m level 9. What level are you, 21 year old student?” Nat asked, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Fine, whatever. We disobeyed orders, but it was better than just complying, right?” Ed sighed.

“No, it wasn’t.” May said flatly. Ed slumped back in her chair.

“What would’ve happened to us if we hadn’t?” She asked, trying not to look at Ava. She could practically  _ feel _ her anxiety.

“Whatever Ivan wanted.” Ava said numbly, “We did the right thing. Taking the jet. Simmons will be okay, we wouldn’t have been.” She didn’t look at Ed, didn’t look at anyone, her eyes fixed on the ground. 

“Nat?” Coulson prompted.

“Civilians before soldiers.” She said, cringing as everyone stared at her.

“Life of the many before the few.” Ava countered.

“Simmons and O’Connor aren’t trained for this, they were my priority. And in fairness to me, sir, I didn’t know about the jet. I just told them to do as he wanted.” Nat said, looking up at him. He nodded.

“Okay, Nat, get the full scope on missions in the future, Morse-Orlova, obey your orders.” He advised, Ava blushing as he abbreviated their last names.

“Yes, sir.” Ed nodded, Nat echoing her. Wanda nudged Ava.

“Oh, right. Yes, sir.” She nodded. 

“Super. So, as Chavez said, Guiterez, Reyes, Chavez, Maximoff, Maximoff, Khan, Bishop, and D.E.L.T.A. met E.C.H.O. on the green at 0400 hours. Based on her injuries and the time that May received the video, Simmons was injured-”

“Tortured.” Bella corrected him. “She was tortured. I was there.” Ali looked up at her words. God, she hadn’t even  _ thought _ about that. 

“Simmons was tortured at 0300 EST, 1100 MST.” Coulson corrected himself, a silence falling over the room. 

“You handled this wrong.” Someone said from the door. Phil looked up to see Daisy. 

“Daisy-” She shook her head.

“You handled all this wrong. Both of you.” She told her parents, “We should’ve been told we were targets. Bella should’ve been told about Lincoln. And Ed,” Daisy paused, collecting herself, “You  _ never _ should’ve put that on her. We’re spies, we lie for a living. We don’t use kids, we don’t have them live with that kind of guilt. This was all wrong, and it’s not on Ava, or me, or Ed, or Tasha.” Daisy finished, sitting next to Ed, Ali nodding at her. 

“Okay, timeout.” Phil decided, stopping the recording. “We did handle this wrong.” He agreed, everyone inhaling sharply, Clint just looking mildly amused, “I’m sorry. To all of you. None of you deserved this, and you’re right. We wronged you, all of you, S.H.I.E.L.D. fucked you all over.” Coulson told them, staring at his hands.

“Morse.” May said, getting both Ed and Bobbi’s attention, “Edie.” She corrected herself, Bobbi’s head bowing again, returning to her mind, “I’m sorry. Putting that on you, that wasn’t right.” She told the girl. Ed nodded.

“Still a place for me on E.C.H.O.?” Ed asked.

“As long as you’ll have us.” May nodded, smiling a little despite herself. 

“Okay, we good?” Coulson asked Daisy.

“Meh.” Daisy shrugged, but nodded all the same.

“Okay, getting on with the debrief…” He continued, pressing record again. 

He took them through a play by play of events, Bella got an explanation about Lincoln  _ finally _ , her hands shaking as he spoke, as she learnt what they’d done to him, to all of them. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything as he spoke, tears gathering in her eyes. She nodded numbly as Wanda asked if she was okay, as Ava took her hand, sound rushing around her. She grieved him, she almost killed herself over him, but she’d grieved him, and she was  _ so _ close, so close to being okay. 

Coulson dismissed them all at 5, 45 minutes after the meeting ended. Nat squeezed Bobbi’s hand softly.

“It’s time to go, dorogaya.” She said softly. Bobbi nodded numbly, standing up and following Nat out, ignoring Ed and Clint’s raised eyebrows.

“Is that on us?” May asked Coulson as they watched them.

“It’s hard to know where the blame ends and begins.” He said thoughtfully as they left, “They’ll be okay. Tell me they’ll be okay.” 

May said nothing.


	61. Burnt Toast and Sweat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly idek just a clusterfuck of like 3 different chapters condensed into one mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for mourning, funeral mention, puke, panic attack, sexual assault, PTSD

“When were you gonna tell me?” Ali half yelled as she burst into Ed’s room, ignoring Bobbi who was sitting against her headboard. They both looked sick, pale, Ed’s hair down around her shoulders, making her look younger than she usually did. 

“Tell you what?” Ed frowned, looking up from where she was fiddling with her fingers. 

“Whatever the fuck happened with Orlova.” Ali replied, sitting next to her, Bobbi smiling tiredly. 

“Right.” Ed nodded, “She’s pissed at me because I knew she had trust issues and lied to her for a year anyway, which is really fair dos.” Ed shrugged. Bobbi tutted at her self deprecating tone.

“What about Bells?” Ali asked.

“I haven’t spoken to her. I can’t tell if she’s avoiding me or not.” 

“She hasn’t spoken to anyone but Maximoff and Orlova.” Bobbi said softly, “Don’t push her.” She advised. 

“Dee’s been fine, I haven’t spoken to Jay.” Ed nodded.

“So what, you’re broken up?” Ali asked, returning to the subject.

“I don’t know.” Ed groaned. 

“They’re not.” Bobbi confirmed. Ed looked at her,  “Hey, I’m a spy, it’s my job to watch people. She’s sticking with Maximoff and O’Connor because Wanda makes her feel safe and she pities Bella. She hasn’t spoken to you because she doesn’t know how to feel, and she hasn’t spoken to you because you’ll just tell Eds anyway.” Bobbi said simply. Ed raised an eyebrow, “What, just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean I’m not useful.” Bobbi scoffed, sitting back against the headboard.

“I’m not depressed _and_ I’m not useful, how is this fair.” Ed complained. 

“Babes, I think you need to rethink your definition of depressed.” Ali said dryly.

“I’m not!” Ed exclaimed.

“No,  _ I’m _ not.  _ You’ve _ been hiding from everyone in your room speaking exclusively Russian and only coming out for sparring.” Ali pointed out.

“I always do that!” Ed argued. 

“And you’ve been shitty for the last year!” Ali shot back, looking pleadingly to Bobbi. 

“She has a point.” Bobbi nodded. 

“I feel attacked.” Ed pouted. 

“Good. You should talk to Ava. Or at least Bella.” Ali decided. Ed looked to Bobbi who just shrugged.

“Hey, my husband’s dead. If I could talk to him, I would.” Bobbi said delicately. Ed’s face fell.

“Exactly. YOLO.” Ali nodded sincerely, making Bobbi laugh a little, a tired, unfamiliar sound that almost shocked her.

“To quote Simmons, do try not to talk, Alice dear.” Ed said dryly. Ali squirmed.

“Yeah, about that. Don’t call me Alice anymore.” She asked tentatively, watching Ed’s face carefully. 

“No?” Ed frowned.

“Ali, Al, whatever, Lishka, your stupid Russian names are fine, just not Alice.” Ali said nervously.

“Any particular reason?” Bobbi prompted.

“Gender is…”

“A social construct?” Ed guessed. Ali said it at least 5 times a day. 

“Yeah, that, but I mean my one, it’s sort of blurry at the moment. Just not Alice, yeah?” She asked.

“Of course. Pronouns?” She checked. Ali shrugged.

“Preferably they, she isn’t  _ incorrect _ , literally whatever.” Ed nodded.

“Super. Thanks for telling me.” She smiled, Bobbi lighting up as she saw it for the first time in a while. 

“How’d you know?” Ed asked curiously.

“Spoke to Mac about it at like 2am before she left. Told me she was going through the same thing, was considering changing hers.” Ali shrugged. 

“Did she?” Bobbi asked, filing all this away.

“Not yet.” Ali said. 

“Neat. Does Bells know?” Ali shook her head. 

“I’ll tell her when we get back to school, after the funeral.” Ali decided.

“Funeral?” Bobbi asked, her heart twisting.

“They recovered Lincoln’s body, it’s in the morgue.” Bobbi swallowed.

“H-hunter?” She asked, knowing that logically, he died 6 days ago, his body would be gross, but she’d only seen it briefly before he was taken away again. Nat had been there, she’d held her, she’d stroked her hair, kissed her head, been so  _ soft _ .

“I don’t know. He might be taken back to England?” Ali suggested. 

“I can talk to May for you.” Ed offered quietly. Bobbi nodded. 

“I think they’re cremating Lincoln and Pietro later. They’re too dangerous to exist.” Ali told them, fidgeting with their sleeves. 

“You wanna go?” Ed asked Bobbi. She thought about it. 

“I get to decide what happens to Hunter?” She asked. Ali nodded.

“Cremate him later. I don’t want him to become that. I want to be able to say goodbye.” Bobbi decided, her voice breaking. Ali offered their hand and Bobbi took it, Ed sighing as a heaviness set over them, loss encompassing them. 

“I’ll go tell May.” Ed decided.

“Field trip.” Bobbi sighed, getting off the bed.

“We’ll go see Ace.” Ali winked. Ed shook her head.

“She asked for time.”

“It’s been five ish days. Maybe 4?" Ed just shrugged, "Doesn't matter, time is fake.” Ali rolled their eyes, striding out of the door, Bobbi’s hand still tight in theirs, Bobbi exchanging a look with Ed as she was led through the halls by a rather scary, short, not girl wearing a S.H.I.E.L.D. issue t-shirt and joggers. No one looked like themselves, everyone wearing the same thing in slightly different colours. Not even Coulson was wearing his suit.

“May.” Ali announced their presence as they stood in the doorway of her makeshift office. May looked up from her laptop, her face blank as she looked at the Morse sisters.

“O’Connor, Morse.” May nodded them in. 

“I’ll cut to the chase. I want Hunter to be cremated with the others later.” Bobbi said bluntly, Ed unshaken by her change in persona, Ali frowning slightly. She was harder now, stronger, more solid. They’d seen the Bobbi that she showed to people she loved, they’d seen Nat’s Bobbi, Ed’s Bobbi. They’d seen the Bobbi with tired eyes and a low ponytail, the soft Bobbi, the sad Bobbi. This was the Bobbi everyone else saw, strong, unbreakable. 

“You’re sure?” May asked, looking up at her.

“Yeah. I need to be sure.” Bobbi nodded.

“Okay. I’ll let them know.” May agreed. 

“Thanks.” Bobbi said, turning to leave.

“Bobbi,” May stopped her,

“Yeah?”

“I’m proud of you.” May said softly. Bobbi looked down, nodding slightly and they all left, getting the door behind her.

“Is that a regular occurrence in S.H.I.E.L.D?” Ali frowned as they made their way down the corridor.

“That’s a May thing.” Ed said, “She’s like adopted them all.” She smirked.

“Hey, you’re next.” Bobbi shrugged, “Also, when did you last call mom?” She frowned.

“Uh,” Ed furrowed her brow, “Definitely not since what happened in March.” 

“This March or last March?” 

“Last March.” Bobbi sighed, 

“Fuck.” 

“What about you?” Ed asked.

“Similar. God, she probably thinks we’re dead.” Bobbi groaned.

“I texted her a couple days ago.” Ed shrugged. Bobbi was too exhausted to argue with that statement, just nodding tiredly. 

“She knows about Hunter?” Ed nodded. 

“K.” Was all Bobbi offered. 

“Hey, Al, where’re we going?” Ed asked as she looked around, not sure where they even  _ were _ . 

“To see Ava, I told you.” They shrugged, practically skipping down the hall.

“I don’t want to.” Ed said stubbornly, shaking her head. Ali rolled their eyes.

“Come on. Like I said, YOLO.” They reiterated, continuing down the corridor.

“Go with them.” Bobbi encouraged. Ed looked at her pleadingly, but she continued, “Look, life is too short to be separated from people you love. In our line of work you never know if you’re going home, now go talk to her.” Bobbi said with a slight smile.

“I don’t want her to reject me.” Ed said quietly. 

“She won’t, Eds. She just needed time. I’m gonna go see Nat, do what you want.” Bobbi said over her shoulder, Ed smirking at the mention of Nat. She knew what was up, even if Bobbi didn’t. Nat had practically been swooning over her for the last year.

“Edie Morse!” Ali yelled from around the corner. Ed sighed, following them 

“You spoken to DJ?” Ed asked as she caught up with them. Ali shook their head.

“I spoke to Daisy at dinner yesterday, Jemma still isn’t talking much apparently.” They shrugged. 

“How is she?” Ed pushed as she walked.

“Dee?” Ed nodded, “Not as bad as last time. More worried about Simmons than anything, but coping better than the rest of yous.” Ali told her lightly.

“Hey!” Ed tried, but it fell flat.

“I’m here for you, you know that?” Ali asked her, nudging her arm. Ed jerked away from her, panic striking her as Ali’s hand met her waist, as though to steady her, feeling hands all over her, skin against her suit, around her neck, around her chest, around her shoulders, around her breasts, running down her arms, dizzying her, throttling her, grabbing her. Ed gasped, leaning against the wall as nausea rose in her throat, Ali stopping in their tracks.

“Eds?” They said calmly, trying not to panic because  _ Ed never panicked _ . “Edie?” They asked again, hating how small their voice sounded, like a scared child, lost in a theme park. Black spots danced around the edges of Ed’s vision as hands crawled over her, as they tightened their hold around her throat, as they molested her, as she was trapped, tied to a chair, unable to fight, Bobbi’s voice in her ear, his hands rough against her, Ava crying next to her.

“I-” She choked breathlessly, gasping for air, spots in her vision. 

“Okay, can you sit down for me?” Ali asked patiently, bringing out their phone to text Bobbi, utterly unsure what to do in this situation. Ed sunk down the wall, collapsing in a heap and burying her head in her knees, bile rising in her throat. She gagged, Ali running to find a bin, a dish, anything for her, returning with a bowl from the kitchen for Ed to puke into, nothing more than acrid bile rising. Bobbi ran around the corner, Nat close behind her.

“What happened?” Bobbi demanded, taking in the situation.

“I-I don’t know? We were talking and then she just…” Ali trailed off, nodding to her as she shook.

“It’s okay.” Nat assured her, crouching down next to Ed.

“Hey, malenkaya sestra.” She said softly, careful not to touch her, lest she be judo flipped again. 

“Talia,” Ed whimpered, “YA ne mogu, Tasha, I-” Nat shushed her.

“Shh, vse normalno detka,” (Shh, it’s okay, baby) Nat assured her, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear, Ed flinching away. 

“Eds, what’s happening?” Bobbi asked cautiously, something clicking. Ed shook, shaking her head as tears slipped out. Ali gasped,

“Oh, babe…” They sighed, their voice breaking. Because they’d been there, they’d watched the cameras as he  _ dared _ to touch her, as his hands ran all over her, as Ed screamed against him. 

“Nat, get away.” Bobbi advised, Nat nodded, moving away from her, sitting a foot away.

“Edie, can you hear me?” Bobbi asked as she sat next to Nat. Ed nodded.

“Okay, good. You good with English?” Ed nodded again, tears slipping from her cheeks.

“Name 5 things you can see, milaya.” Bobbi said softly. Ed opened her eyes, unsure when she’d closed them, the bright light assaulting her. She closed them again, groaning softly. 

“Ed?” Bobbi asked, watching as Ali got up to turn the lights off. Everything in this base was white, piercing, humming white. Ali flicked a switch and a comfortable darkness set over them.

“You can open them now.” Ali called, sitting next to Nat. Ed cracked her eyes open, sighing as the light was gone.

“Wall, floor, you, Nat, Al.” Ed said hoarsely, boredly.

“Good, 4 things you can hear?” Bobbi continued.

“The electricity, Ali’s breathing, clock ticking, kettle boiling.” She said numbly, the hand releasing its hold on her throat, leaving her hollow.

“3 things you can feel.” 

“The floor, the wall, this stupid goddamnn tshirt.” Ed sniffled, lifting her head. Nat smiled a little.

“2 things you can smell.” 

“Burnt toast and sweat.” Ed chuckled wetly. Ah, the life of a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Ever a glamorous one.

“Taste.” Bobbi finished.

“Gum.” Ed sighed, looking at her, Bobbi smiling slightly.

“You wanna tell them?” Bobbi asked softly. Ali didn’t say they already knew, it felt like an invasion of privacy, like they shouldn’t have been watching. 

“Ali knows.” Ed nodded to them, smiling briefly. “Tasha’s probably guessed by now.” She continued, looking at Nat in question, Nat just nodding. 

“I got it.” Nat said slightly awkwardly. “I get it, as well.” She assured her, smiling briefly. 

“You do?” Ed asked, wiping her tears. 

“I didn’t see what happened, but I grew up there. It’s okay, milaya.” Nat said softly, nodding at her. 

“Am I broken?” Ed whispered, her eyes bloodshot, her voice scared. Nat shook her head, offering her hand. Ed took it, letting Nat rub her thumb over her knuckles. 

“Never, malysh.” Nat assured her, brushing one of Ed’s tears away. Ed leaned into her hand, looking up at her through watery eyelashes. “Everyone has their boundaries, their triggers. Yours don’t make you broken.” Ed smiled. 

“I’m sorry.” Ali told her nervously, looking away as Ed looked at them. 

“You didn’t know, now you do, it’s fine, Lishka.” Ed told them. Ali nodded.

“You still need to talk to Ava.” Bobbi smirked. Ed rolled her eyes.

“I just had a panic attack, what I need is a cup of tea and a Disney movie.” Ed rolled her eyes. Nat nodded.

“There’s a common room round the corner, we’ll go watch Frozen II, da?” Nat suggested, standing up and offering Ed a hand. She took it gratefully, standing up straight. 

“So, what’s the new rule?” Ali asked her. Usually it was ‘don’t touch Ed unless you’re Ava’, but breaking that didn’t usually end with a panic attack.

“Ask permission.” Ed decided, heading for the common room. 

“Can do.” Bobbi nodded, smiling as Nat took her hand, leading her to the common room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :D
> 
> (respect ali's pronouns or ed will break your kneecaps)


	62. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all go back to The Academy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for something probably, pls tell me in the comments??

Everyone left The Icerink at different times. Mack and Yo-yo were the first to go, heading off after debrief. They’d gone to stay with Mack’s parents, needing some time off after the last 4 years. Next to go were Trip and Kara, moving up to The Hub for rehab, their training facilities far more advanced than anywhere else. America, Kate, Wanda and Kamala went back to The Academy soon after, Robbie and Joey following. 

Ten days had passed since Ivan by the time May and Coulson figured it was probably time to get them back to school. They were needed at The Hub so May could oversee the placement of the Widows anyway, Nat would join them as well once they’d dropped everyone off at The Academy. Bobbi was going to stay with Nat once she got back, and Clint was stationed there anyway, so they all loaded onto the Quinjet, Jemma still in a wheelchair. Her spine was severely bruised, and walking just  _ hurt _ , although she could do it now. 

“Everyone good?” May asked from the pilot seat as she took off, feeling rather like the mom in charge of the carpool. She even had juice boxes for Christ’s sake. No one said anything, everyone too busy whining about the flight to pay her any attention. Bobbi and Nat were sharing the co-pilot seat, ignoring about a million safety protocols because there weren’t enough seats in the back and they preferred the front anyways. Jemma was sitting next to Daisy and Clint, the three of them signing impressively fluently, just because it annoyed Ali because they couldn’t understand. 

Most of them had fallen asleep by the time they left Russian airspace, Nat fast asleep on Bobbi’s shoulder, Jemma and Daisy curled up to Clint like little cats, Ava leaning on Bella, who was half on Ali’s lap, Ed and Coulson looking slightly awkward as the only two awake. Ed was listening to Sleeping At Last, their Enneagram album because she was Sad and pining. Ava and her had talked, or rather, she’d tried and Ava had just shook her head, red curls bouncing.

“ _ Give me time, Yesha, _ ” She’d said, Ed’s heart fluttering at the nickname. She didn’t want to be pushy, really she didn’t, but God did she  _ miss _ her. She missed her smile, how she fit into her arms, the smell of her hair, the feeling of curling up under the duvet with her at night. 

Ed looked over at her, sleeping peacefully against Bella, holding her arm like a teddy. She looked okay, Ed would like to think, peaceful. 

Coulson watched her curiously, her unresting fidgeting, how she looked around the Quinjet nervously, her knee bouncing, how her gaze always seemed to end up on Ava. She was buzzing, the most awake person on the plane, he could practically feel her anxiety. 

“You can sleep, you know.” He said softly. Ed laughed.

“See that’s the thing Sherlock, I can’t.” Ed sighed, tipping her head back against the wall and taking out her earphones. 

“Hey, I get it.” He nodded, not offering anything else. Ed smiled a little.

“Thanks.” She replied, putting her earphones back in, smiling a little as Ali shifted next to her. 

* * *

Daisy woke up last, just as the plane was touching down, finding her head in Jemma’s lap, her legs curled up behind her. 

“Hey, love.” Jemma said softly, brushing a strand of hair behind Daisy’s ear, smiling a little as she sat up, stretching out. 

“Morning.” Clint smirked next to her. He’d been teaching the rest of the kids to cheat at cards, Bobbi listening in amusement as Ed used Bobbi’s own cheats against him. 

“Shut up, Robin Hood.” Daisy groaned, rubbing her eyes.

“I saved you a juice box.” Jemma said happily, handing her a carton of orange juice, knowing that the first thing that Daisy always did in the morning was drink.

“Thanks, Jems.” Daisy said, her heart warming a little at the small gesture. She pierced the opening with the straw, the juice promptly spilling everywhere as her mom started to land the plane.

“Fuck.” Daisy muttered. Her dad passed her a tissue, “Thanks.” She wiped the juice off herself, wrapping a careful arm around Jemma’s back as she leaned against her.

“All good?” Daisy checked. Jemma nodded. It wasn’t really, she was usually in some kind of pain, but she wanted Daisy’s arm around her. 

“Okay, everybody out.” May called as she dropped the ramp, everybody filing out.

“Walking or chair?” Daisy asked Jemma as she stood up.

“Chair” Jemma decided, lifting herself into it as Daisy unfolded it for her. Just because she  _ could _ walk didn’t mean she  _ should _ . Her spine was bruised, and she could pull a stitch. Besides, Daisy would push her full speed down a hallway. That was fun. 

“Can do.” She nodded, waiting for her to get in before wheeling her down the ramp. Nat and Bobbi followed them, Nat still half asleep and slightly sick.

“I hate planes.” She complained as they walked out into the sun, her hands in her hoodie pockets, completely ready to get back to bed.

“Poor Tasha.” Bobbi said lightly, Nat trying not to smile. That was the first time Bobbi had called her something that wasn’t Nat or Romanov. It was too soon, she knew that. Bobbi loved Hunter, of course she did, but it meant a lot to Nat that of everyone, she’d chosen  _ her _ to be by her side. She’d been allowed to see Bobbi at her most vulnerable, and she’d always be grateful for that. What she wouldn’t be grateful for, however, was the fact that her ‘crush’ had grown exponentially at the  _ worst _ possible time. 

May and Coulson walked to girls back to their dorm, a very anxious Fitz waiting there for them, wrapping Ali into a hug as soon as they stepped through the door, ambushing them before they realised what happened.

“Never do that again.” He scolded, tears building in his eyes as they hugged him back. 

“Sorry, Fitzy.” They smirked, patting his back. 

“You can’t just disappear for two weeks with no word other than ‘feed Luna’, it’s  _ mean _ .” He said into her shoulder. Ali laughed.

“Sorry.” They said again, pulling away so he could see Simmons and Daisy, Jemma standing up to fall into his arms. 

“I almost lost you.” She said quietly, sniffling a little as he wrapped his arms around her waist. 

“ _ You  _ almost lost  _ me _ ?” Fitz chuckled. 

“Well, I definitely almost died.” Jemma replied, laughing a little. 

“Yeah, never do that again, you got it?” He smiled as she pulled him in closer, burying her face in his neck. 

“Promise.” She replied. 

“Daisy May.” Fitz beamed as he looked at her. 

“Fitz.” Daisy sighed at the familiar face, leaning over to hug him, "I'm sorry we disappeared for two weeks." She said slightly sheepishly.

“Better be.” Fitz grinned as they separated. 

“Morse.” He formed a fist. She smiled, wrapping her hand around his. 

“Fitz.” She nodded, Ava just smiling at him slightly before slipping past them both to find Luna who was already being fussed by the other 4 of them. Great. Oksana had offered her a place to stay at theirs, but much as she hated to admit it, she needed Ed. Just needed her close, so if anything else happened she could be there. 

“You need us to stay?” May asked them all.

“I think we're good, thanks mom.” Daisy said absently, busy cooing at Luna as she rolled over for them. 

"Okay, see you in a couple weeks." May said, leaning over to kiss her forehead before leaving quietly, Phil following her.

"So, Fitzy. What went down when we were gone?" Ali asked as they all trooped through to the living room.

"Everyone thinks you're all dead." He said nonchalantly. 

"I mean we did disappear without a trace in the middle of the night." Ed pointed out. 

"My mom said she was gonna 'take care' of our grades." Daisy said, not even wanting to know what that meant.

"Oh, yeah, Simmons, all the professors kept asking after you. They miss you." Fitz smirked. Jemma smiled slightly. 

"Still on track to finish top, I assume?" She asked crisply. Fitz rolled his eyes.

"They're not counting the missing work in your average." He huffed. Jemma nodded, clearly quite pleased with herself.

"So, what happened whilst you were away?" Fitz asked, obvious to how Ed's fist clench, or Bella flinched at the memory. 

"Oh you know. Spy stuff." Ali shrugged, the only one who really had the words.

"You're all okay?" He asked nervously.

"We lost two. Pietro Maximoff and Hunter." Ava said slightly bitterly. 2/20 had died. Those weren't exactly great odds. 

"Are you okay?" Fitz asked again, looking around at them.

"I'm injured. But it's okay." Jemma recited numbly, swallowing tears.

"What happened?" He pushed, this time picking up on how everyone's breath caught in their throat. Jemma shook her head as tears slipped out,

"Another time, Fitz." She promised. 

"I'm sorry." He said, panicking slightly.  _ God, stupid Leopold, how could you be so careless? _

"It's fine, Fitz. I'll tell you another time." Jemma tried to smile but her mouth didn't seem to be complying. 

"What about the rest of you?" He looked around.

"Hey, I'm good." Ali shrugged. 

"I'm not bad." Daisy agreed. Fitz looked at Ed, Ava and Bella. 

"It's hard. I should probably tell you all," Bella started, Ali looking down as she knew where Bella was going with this, "I'm not staying in S.H.I.E.L.D.. I'm gonna go work with Tony in New York after graduation." She told them, her gaze fixed on the ground. 

"You'll still call?" Jemma asked quietly. Because Bella was the closest she had to someone who could relate. Bella was there. In the back of the van, in the warehouse, in the hospital. 

"Of course, Jay. You're my family, all of you. But I don't want this life."

"So you're gonna go work with Iron Man?" Daisy raised an eyebrow. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Aye." She nodded. Daisy exhaled deeply. 

"I'll miss you." She settled with. 

"I'll miss you too. I'll still be around, though. And it's not like you'll all live next door to each other." She tried, but Ed shook her head. 

"Bee..." She whispered, looking at her.

"I'm sorry." Bella said, barely audible.

"I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be that family who only sees each other at weddings and funerals, I don't want to get a shitty card from you once a year." Ed said quietly, looking over at her.

"We won't be, Eds. Not after everything. We'll call all the time, and we'll see each other when you're in Manhattan. I just can't stay. Not after that." She said softly. Ed understood. Of course she did. S.H.I.E.L.D. had been the cause of most of Bella's misery. S.H.I.E.L.D. had taken her love from her, just to tempt her with the brief possibility, only to tear it from her again. S.H.I.E.L.D. was a symbol of Bella's trauma. 

"I know. I just wish you didn't have to go." Ed admitted, biting her bottom lip. 

"Me too." Bella nodded.

"I'll miss you in the lab." Fitz said suddenly, looking up at her with blue eyes, "You're a good partner, a better scientist. I'll miss working with you." He told her, Bella knowing it meant more than he could quite articulate. 

"Me too, Fitzy. I wish I could say we'll work together again, but-"

"-But Stark Industries and S.H.I.E.L.D. aren't exactly best buds." Daisy finished. "I'd steal a Quinjet for you any day, Bells." She told her with a slight smile, Bella nodding. 

"You would?"

"Just call." Daisy assured her. She'd take cold coffee and early mornings with Bella any day of the week. 

"I wouldn't steal a Quinjet, I wouldn't know how. But I'd definitely help Daisy." Jemma agreed. 

"Thank you." Bella smiled at her, knowing that Jemma couldn't quite do the same. 

"Ava?" Bella asked softly, Ava sitting perfectly still. Why did everybody leave? Or lie? Was it her, was she just unloveable? Her mother left her with Ivan, subjected her to his experiments. She said she'd be safe, she'd lied. Natasha left her with S.H.I.E.L.D., left her alone for years, to deal with what he did to her alone. She'd said she'd come back, she lied. Ed hadn't left her, Ed had been good, and solid, and beautiful. Ed had been the first person she trusted, and what happened? Lies, a year of lies. And Bella, Bella was the one Ava had gone to, who she thought she could be close with, and she'd leave too. She'd said she'd always have her, she'd lied. 

Ava got up and left on shaking legs, muttering something about needing time. Ali tugged on Ed's sleeve as they saw her get up to follow. 

"That's not your job anymore." They told her quietly. 

"Fuck time." Ed just muttered, pulling away from Ali's grasp. 

"Ava." Ed called as she ran after her, catching up with her as they reached the bottom of the stairs. 

"What, Edie?" Ava bit, spitting her name.

"What the hell?" Ed found herself saying before she could stop herself.  _ Shit. _

"What?" That threw her a little. Ed shrugged, more sure of herself now.

"What the hell, Ava?" She repeated. 

"I-"

"Being mad at me is fine, I understand, it's reasonable, but her?" Ed raised her eyebrow, gesturing to the stairs, "With all the shit she's been through of course she wants to leave! You weren't there after Hydra, but Bella was a  _ wreck _ ." Ed yelled, not even noticing Ava's flinch, "It took her ages to build up trust again, with any of us, so Lincoln was a massive deal! Watching her fall in love, watching him pick up her pieces after that, God, Ava, she lost him! She lost the first love of her life, twice, in the space of two years." Ed finished, not looking at Ava as she turned around, counting up in her head and back down again to 10.

"Everybody leaves." Ava said quietly, her voice terrified. Ed turned around to look at her, tears rolling down her cheeks, "It's selfish, and it's stupid, but everyone always leaves me." She told her, her voice wobbling as she spoke. Ed tutted softly.

"She's not leaving you. She's leaving the organization that _ruined her life_." Ed told her, anger still coursing through her veins, Ed desperately trying to push it down for her.

"She's leaving. She was there for me, and she's not going to be anymore." Ed sighed.

"She's not leaving until July, and she'll still be around. It won't be the same, we're all gonna have to deal with being apart after graduation. Fitzsimmons and Ali will be at The Triskelion or The Hub, God knows what Daisy’s gonna do, I’m joining E.C.H.O., and you’ll have to make a decision too. Bella needs to leave S.H.I.E.L.D., sure, but that doesn't mean we can't talk to her. Anyway, we'll all be in different places, she won't seem so far away." Ed's tone softened slightly as Ava sniffled. 

"I'm sorry." She said weakly, smiling a little.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to her." Ed dismissed her, but Ava shook her head.

"I'm apologizing to you. I know you had to lie, and it wasn’t fair for me to put that on you and I'm sorry for pushing you away. It's... hard." She said cautiously. 

"Whatver, Ava." Ed shrugged, shaking her head as she took off back upstairs. 

"Ed!" Ava called, running after her. "What the hell?" It was Ava's turn now. 

"What?" Ed asked awkwardly.

"I apologized!" Ava said incredulously, not sure what more she wanted.

"Okay." Ed said, not getting the point. Ava rolled her eyes, kissing her square on the lips, feeling Ed exclaim in surprise before kissing back, their lips locking together like it was just  _ right _ , Ed threading her hands through Ava's hair. Ava sighed, pulling away to lean their foreheads together. 

"That was..." Ed tried to say.

"I'm sorry, Yesha." Ava said softly, cupping her cheek. 

"I'm sorry too. For yelling and for... you know, the other stuff." Ava nodded, brushing her thumb over Ed's cheek. 

"I love you, Edie Morse." She said firmly, decisively, as though it was the only thing she was sure of.

"I love you too, Ava Orlova." Ed smiled, kissing her again. Ava kissed back, softer this time, less urgent, both of them taking their time.

"We have a lot of talking to do." Ed said as she pulled away.

"I know. That's a future problem though." Ava decided as she took her hand. Ed nodded, following her back up to the dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okokok so i might not update this for a couple days but im working on smth big in this AU that i have to publish before i can continue with this story, so i'll be back, but look out for that ;)


	63. Mrs and Mrs May-Simmons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> started as angst but turned into fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for nightmares
> 
> okokok so i just posted a short-ish philinda fic in this au called 'A Kind Of Love', chronologically it comes before this chapter, so go read it :D

_ “Daisy, Daisy please.” Jemma screamed as the world burned around her, a fiery red pain engulfing her, “Please,” She choked, her legs unable to bear her weight any longer. He was unceasing, unmerciful, she could almost hear his smile through her screaming as she sobbed, as flames licked at her feet, as her body tore itself apart, as agony cut through her. _

Daisy woke up with a start, looking around for the cause, soon realising it was Jemma, writhing around, kicking and screaming, the sheets tangled around her ankles.

“Jemma?” Ed burst in, looking around for the cause of her screams.

“Nightmare. Go back to sleep, Eds.” Daisy said tiredly. Ed nodded, trooping back to her room.

_ “Daisy!” She cried again, her breath heaving, arms aching. He brought the whip down on her back again and she cried out, feeling fresh blood bubble to the surface, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She sobbed, another yell escaping her.  _

“Jemma, Jems I’m right here.” Daisy told her quietly, Jemma screaming as she thrashed against the blankets, Daisy trying to hold herself together. She was in pain, all over again, and it was  _ her fault _ .

_ “I’m sorry.” She repeated, over and over, writhing against her restraints, her eyes falling closed.  _

“Daisy!” She screamed as she woke up, the world spinning around her as her senses all muddled around each other, fumbling for some grasp on reality. 

“Shh, Jems, hi.” Daisy said from beside her, smoothing a hand over Jemma’s hair as she broke out in tears, choking sobs escaping. 

“It w- I-” Jemma gasped, trying to breathe as she felt her back burning, heard Ivan’s voice. 

“You’re okay, Jemma, I got you.” Daisy soothed, stroking her hair steadily as she cried. Jemma sat up, leaning against her heavily. 

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled as she buried her head in Daisy’s neck, feeling her arms wrap around her waist. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Jems.” Daisy said quietly, shushing her as she stroked her hair, rocking them back and forth a little. 

“Sorry I woke you up.” She shrugged, wrapping her arms around Daisy. 

“Don’t be sorry, I’m just glad I was here.” Daisy said softly. Jemma nodded, closing her eyes again. Daisy smiled a little, 

“Wanna go back to sleep?” She asked. Jemma shook her head, “Wanna get up?” She shook her head again, “Sitcoms on the laptop?” 

“Don’t care what we watch, give me cuddles.” Jemma decided. Daisy nodded, grabbing her laptop and laying back, “You wanna come here, sweetie?” Daisy asked softly, making Jemma melt a little, laying happily against Daisy’s chest. 

“Doctor Who?” Jemma asked. Daisy hummed happily,

“Which doctor?” She asked as she logged onto iPlayer.

“Not 12.” Jemma decided. Daisy nodded, finding some the beginning of Smith’s era for them, Jemma curling up against her as she pressed play, feeling her breathing steady under her. Daisy wrapped an arm around her back so she could trace patterns on her arm, paying more attention to her heartbeat than the program. They’d both seen it a million times before anyway.

“Are you going to leave?” Jemma asked as the credits appeared. Daisy frowned.

“Here?” Jemma sighed,

“I mean are you going into ops or compsci?” She clarified. 

“Depends on what offers I get. I applied to The Hub, The Triskelion and HQ, same as you. If I get into E.C.H.O. it might change though.” Daisy said simply. She didn’t want to leave Jemma, didn’t ever want to be apart from her, but if she got onto E.C.H.O. then she’d be able to do both, be stationed wherever Jemma was when she wasn’t on mission. 

“Ok.” Jemma nodded, settling back down.

“I’ll stay if you want me too.” Daisy told her quietly.

“I won’t hold you somewhere you don't want to be, Daisy. You need to do what makes  _ you _ happy, not what you think is best for me.” Jemma said patiently.

“You make me happy.” Jemma smiled slightly.

“I’ll be okay. You’ll know where to find me, you’ll have a home with me. But you’ve never been one for sitting still.” Jemma drew shapes on Daisy’s stomach as she talked, watching her finger carefully.

“I think I might leave.” Daisy admitted, “I can do more in the field than I can in the lab. I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. because I wanted to do what my parents do, I wanted to help people. If I can be out there, saving lives, then that’s what I want to do.” Daisy decided. Jemma nodded, kissing her chest.

“I’ll miss you.” Daisy kissed her head.

“I’ll miss you too, Jems.” Daisy held her closer, both of them settling down to watch the Doctor and Amy run around Leadworth.

“Fitz is coming over tonight.” Jemma told her after checking her phone.

“Romantic night in?” Daisy teased. Jemma rolled her eyes at her.

“What is it with you?” She huffed, settling on her chest.

“You love me.” Daisy rolled her eyes.

“You have a strange fixation on me and Fitz.” Jemma countered.

“You’re married.” Daisy said flatly, smiling a little.

“No,  _ we’re _ married,  _ he’s _ my brother.” 

“Not yet we’re not.” Daisy smirked. Jemma looked up at her.

“Someday?” She asked. Daisy looked down at her, marvelling at her beauty for a second, the softness behind her eyes, her tousled hair, her freckles.

“Someday.” Daisy agreed. 

“When?” Jemma asked. 

“You mean like save the date or a more general idea?” Daisy mused, fiddling with Jemma’s hair.

“More general.” Jemma settled for.

“I’ve thought about this. It’ll be in a couple years, once we’re settled into S.H.I.E.L.D.. We’d do it differently to Bobbi and Hunter, properly. I’d take a couple weeks off, get my mom to pull around a few favours. Everyone would be there, obviously. Bells, Bobbi, Tasha, the Bartons, Mala, Mac n Kate, Mack n Yo-yo, Palamas and Trip. We’d invite your mom, she’d sit next to Hartley and Hand, they’d get on. It’d be in England, maybe in May. We’d have Ophiuchus flowers, you know the pretty pink ones?” Daisy asked. Jemma nodded, so she continued, “You’d look stunning, obviously. Hair all done up, bouquet in your hands. God, you’ll be gorgeous. My dad would walk you down the aisle, if you wanted that, or Clint, whatever. I’d wear a suit, couldn’t catch me dead in a dress. Ali and Eds would be my best men, Fitz would probably be your maid of honour, although it could be Bella.”

“Both.” Jemma decided, “Sasha would be a flower girl, when we get to meet her. You’d be a vision as well. What kind of rings would we have?” She asked. Daisy beamed at the thought of her little sister, or rather, her soon to be little sister. Her parents had called to ask her thoughts on the matter a few days after they’d all gotten back from Russia. Of course, Daisy was delighted with the idea. Her and Jemma would go down to Scotland to meet her in a few weeks.

“Mine would be a plain white gold ring, I shouldn’t be trusted with diamonds. Yours would match, but you’d have a little row of white diamonds around the center.” Daisy said thoughtfully, taking Jemma’s hand and interlocking their fingers. She kissed her hand softly, Jemma sighing contentedly. 

“I think I’d hyphenate my last name. Jemma May-Simmons.” She contemplated.

“Daisy and Jemma May-Simmons.” Daisy grinned as she said it, “Mrs and Mrs May-Simmons.” She said softly, kissing Jemma’s head.

“What comes next?” Jemma asked softly, looking up at her, admiring her in the soft morning glow.

“Our vows. Wouldn’t be a dry eye in the house. 13 years, Jems.” Daisy beamed, “I’d talk about Ophiuchus, something bright and beautiful even if you can’t always see it.” She quoted. 

“13 years.” Jemma echoed, closing her eyes and pulling their hands close to her chest, “I love you.” She said, almost shyly, “An insane amount. Like, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want to live with you, and grow old with you and adopt 17 cats with you. Anything, as long as it’s with you.” Jemma kissed her chest softly, smiling as Daisy ran a hand through her hair.

“I love you too.” Daisy just said, unsure how to express it quite as delicately as Jemma had, “I- I don’t think there’s anything that I wouldn’t do for you, Jems.” She settled for, tilting Jemma’s chin up with her thumb so she could kiss her lips. Jemma smiled against her, cupping her cheek with her hand, Daisy blushing slightly as Jemma looked at her like she was the most precious thing she’d ever seen, the most beautiful, the most stunning, awe-inspiring thing.

“What happens after that?” Jemma asked quietly as she pulled away, scooting up to sit next to her, Daisy propping a few pillows against the headboard to make it less hard on her back.

“We go on our honeymoon.” Daisy said as though it were obvious, “Somewhere sunny, just for a week or so, a greek island or something. We’d go sightseeing, snorkeling obviously, do all that nerdy shit by day, then at night we’d sit by the pool in the moonlight, drinking champagne as our toes dipped in the pool, you’d look all stunning with your freckles in the light.” Daisy smiled nervously. 

“Ever the romantic.” Jemma grinned, leaning her head on Daisy’s shoulder, “You’re beautiful, you know that?” She asked after a second. Daisy inhaled sharply, so Jemma continued, “You never get to see yourself, I know, but I wish you could. Watching you as you laugh, or when your eyes light up, watching how you move when you spar, or how you walk, your little gestures, how you screw your face up, you’re gorgeous, Daisy.” Jemma told her gently, nudging her side with her elbow. 

“Thank you.” Daisy just said, because what else was there to say? There would never be enough words to describe just how much she loved Jemma, how deeply she admired her, how beautiful she was to her, how her eyes danced when she smiled, how when they were apart it felt like a piece of her was missing. 

She believed they were made for each other, because why else would they have met? How, in billions of years of history, throughout the entire universe, could they have been so lucky as to meet each other if they weren’t supposed to be together? Because that’s what they always had been, at each other’s side, years with each other, and they would spend years together.

“We’re forever, right?” Daisy asked, knowing it wasn’t even a question.

“Forever and always.” Jemma nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D


	64. Very Scared Squirrels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk it's just a fuckin conversation

“Hello.” Bella said as Ava flopped onto the sofa next to her. 

“Morning.” Ava responded, crossing her legs and grinning at Bella.

“What?” She frowned. Ava shrugged, “What?” Bella asked again, laughing a little. 

“Nothing.” Ava grinned, Bella tilting her head at the sight. It was the happiest she’d seen her in a while, it was good to see.

“Okay.” Bella nodded, getting back to her cereal, Ava practically buzzing next to her. Eventually it spilt out.

“Nat said I can join D.E.L.T.A.” She beamed. Bella raised her eyebrows.

“Oh my God, Ace, that’s great!” Bella put her bowl down to hug her, Ava lighter than she’d felt in a long time.

“It’s not official and it’s not confirmed, but if Coulson okays it, and I pass the evals, then I’m good to go!” She explained quickly. 

“I’m happy for you, Ava.” Bella said sincerely, rubbing her back, “Does Ed know?” 

“Not yet.” Ava said simply, shrugging, “I’ll tell her when it’s finalised.” 

“Nervous?” Bella asked.

“I don’t want to be apart. And we haven’t exactly been getting along, I don’t want to scare her off.” Ava admitted. Bella nodded. The arguments hadn't escaped anyone's notice.

“I don’t think any of us will ever lose each other, not really.” Bella said softly, pulling out of the hug. Ava shrugged,

“Life happens.” She said. Bella shook her head.

“I’ve known most of them for ten years. Life happens, we always come back to each other.” She assured her, “Anyway, we’re trauma bonded now. There’s no escaping us.” Bella said, smiling as Ava did.

“Hey, we should get tattoos.” Ava said suddenly, “After graduation, an eagle or something, just so we can remember.” Ava suggested. Bella nodded. She had a few herself, not nearly as many as Ali or Daisy though. She had the same 7/9/2012 tattoo as Ali, Ed, Jemma and Daisy, as well as the constellation of Zeus to remember Lincoln on her hip. She had matching almosteriae with Ali and Ed above their elbows, signifying friendship, and another with just Ali (a moon and a sun above their 7/9/2012 tattoos). 

“Not an eagle, but yeah, I like that.” Bella nodded. “We could have a flower, or a constellation?” Bella suggested. 

“A quote of some description? We’re a group of five LGBTs and you, how did none of us have a literature phase?” Ava asked. 

“Ali tried but they didn’t have the patience, Jemma was too busy obsessing over marine biology, Ed can’t do English and Daisy doesn’t read.” Bella said simply.

“And you?” Ava gestured to her,

“Eh. We could get aster flowers, based in Greek mythology, connected to the constellation of Astraea, symbol of family, sisterly love and whatnot.” Bella suggested after thinking for a while. 

“How do you all know random mythology facts all the time?” Ava groaned.

“You try living with Ed when her hyperfixation is mythology.” Bella said dryly, “All of the things that I know about ancient civilisation, space, Doctor Who or marine biology I learnt totally against my will. Also that Jemma wants Jodie Whittaker to, and I quote, ‘rail her until she can’t see straight’.” Ava squirmed at the thought.

“I didn’t ask.” She whined. Bella just smirked.

“Daisy then started talking about railing Jemma  _ with _ Jodie Whittaker, so I left.” Bella continued, raising an eyebrow as Ava got gradually more flustered. 

“Ali joined in shortly after with their contributions regarding Billie Piper, I believe.” Bella said lightly. 

“What about you?” Ava asked.

“I don’t do Doctor Who.” Bella said flatly. 

“I mean if it had to be any celebrity or character, who’d it be?” Ava pushed. Bella scrunched her nose.

“If it had to be a guy, it’d be Percy Jackson.” Ed announced, walking into the room and running a hand through her hair. Ava looked up as she came in, making grabby hands and grinning as she leant down to kiss her.

“I’m a Harry Styles bitch.” Ava said slightly ashamedly.

“Sure, I’d tap that like.” Bella nodded, not much bothered. 

“Really?” Ed frowned, sitting next to her.

“Nah. But you know, he’s not bad.” Bella shrugged. 

“Fair.” Ed nodded. 

“Wait, so who’d it be the?” Ava pushed.

“Not for me, really. The whole sex thing, I mean ‘salright, but since Lincoln I haven’t really…” She trailed off, letting them fill in the gaps. 

“Mkay.” Ed said, brushing it off. Her and Ava hadn’t exactly done much since Ivan anyway.

“Why?” Ava asked. Bella raised her eyebrow.

“Well the whole watching your boyfriend die thing is a bit of a buzzkill, Ace.” She said dryly, “Anyway, all the guys I know are S.H.I.E.L.D.” She scrunched her nose.

“Sor-” Ava started to apologise, but Bella glared at her.

“No.” Bella cut her off, “Don’t be sorry, it’s my decision. Anyways, once I get outta dodge and meet some actually bloody normal guys then maybe I’ll think about it.” 

“The comms boys aren’t  _ abnormal _ .” Ed pointed out.

“They’re just bland. Anyway, I don’t wanna date someone in S.H.I.E.L.D., they’ll end up dead.” Bella said slightly sadly, “Maybe even twice over.” She tried to joke, but it fell flat.

“What’re we talking about?” Ali asked as they walked in, flopping onto the armchair.

“That time my boyfriend died twice.” Bella said dryly.

“Jolly.” Ali said sarcastically.

“We were talking about which guys we’d let rail us.” Ava tried.

“And you got around to Bella’s dead boyfriend?” Ali raised an eyebrow. “Interesting choice.” Ed threw a pillow at them.

“Not funny!” She imitated John Mulaney.

“It’s pretty funny.” Bella agreed. 

“Ava?” Ali asked. Ava shrugged,

“I didn’t laugh.” 

“Not funny!” Ed repeated, throwing another pillow, Ali catching it and huffing.

“It was a little bit funny.” Ali whispered. Bella nodded, Ed just rolling her eyes. 

“We have arrived.” Daisy announced, flouncing into the room, Jemma following behind her, her hand in Daisy’s. 

“Hey.” Bella nodded.

“What’re we talking about?” She asked as her and Jemma settled on the other sofa.

“Ali’s distasteful jokes about that time my boyfriend died twice.” Daisy snorted.

“What was the joke?” She asked, Jemma rolling her eyes as Daisy stifled a laugh.

“Well we were talking about Bella’s sex life, actually I think they were talking about fictional characters and so I said if it was a guy it’d be Percy and then Ava admitted that she’s a Harry Styles hoe, and then Bella tried to hop on that too but then denied it like a second later so then Ava asked her which guy she likes and then Bella said she wasn’t really interested and then Ali came in, wait, no, before that we were talking about how weird S.H.I.E.L.D. guys are which they are, right? Like they’ve all got so much trauma, anyway, I’m getting off topic, Ali came in and asked what we were talking about so we said that time Lincoln died twice and then Vashka said that we were talking about which guys we’d let rail us and then Ali said that Bella’s dead boyfriend was an interesting choice so I threw two pillows at them.” Ed said very quickly, no one but Jemma understood a word.

“Okay, ADHD.” Bella nodded, Ed frowning a little, “Basically Ali said that dead Lincoln was a strange choice for a boy.” She summarised.

“That’s exactly what Edie just said.” Jemma frowned, pointing at her. 

“Exactly.” Ed huffed, sitting back against the sofa. 

“What is it like inside your heads?” Ali just asked, still confused trying to untangle what Ed had said.

“Ali, I was tortured a month ago, you  _ really _ don’t want to know.” Jemma said flatly. 

“Yeah, I got assaulted and broken up with and then my brother in law died, you don’t wanna go there.” Ed followed.

“Babe, they were talking about the neurodivergent thing.” Daisy said quietly. Jemma opened her mouth and closed it again. Ed tilted her head slightly and narrowed her eyes.

“What’s it like in your heads?” Jemma asked slowly. 

“I don’t know? It’s just my thoughts I guess. I don’t hear them like you two do.” Ali shrugged. If Ed had water she’d have choked.

“Yo-You don’t hear your thoughts? What the hell is in your brain?” She asked, looking nervously to Jemma. 

“I don’t know, it’s just sort of there?” Ali gestured vaguely, “Wait is that why you two talk to yourselves?” Ali wondered.

“Yes!” They said simultaneously.

“What about you?” Ali asked Ava.

“No thoughts brain go brrrrr.” Ava smirked, “I don’t think in words.” She clarified.

“You?” Bella laughed,

“Babe, the only words I have in my head are the intrusive thoughts.” She laughed, making Daisy smirk a bit.

“I have an internal monologue.” Daisy contributed.

“Just the one? Pathetic.” Jemma shook her head.

“So what’s going on in your heads?” Ali asked them both.

“Okay, there are at least 5 different voices, one is complaining about the light and my clothes, another is just screaming lyrics all day, another is humming something vaguely, another is observing the world around me, and another is my mental illness voice.” Jemma said as though it was obvious, “Oh, and obviously there’s just vague half thoughts that aren’t quite articulated but are definitely there. And pictures. And just constant Doctor Who quotes.” She finished. Ali looked at her in terror.

“And so how do you function?” She asked. 

“It’s called a disability for a reason, love.” Jemma shrugged, shuffling so her legs were over Daisy’s lap and she was laying back.

“And you?” Ali nodded to Ed.

“Imagine a very scared squirrel with a boombox running around in a swarm of angry bees who are all talking at once.” She said vaguely. 

“What’re they talking about?” Ava asked, in awe of both of them.

“Pffft, fuck if I know.” Ed shrugged, “Oh, there’s also an overexcited puppy somewhere in there who has to bark every time a light flickers, someone moves, a bird flies past, there’s any irregular noise, a TV turns off or a door opens.” 

“A TV turns off?” Bella frowned. Jemma looked at Ed.

“Can you guys not hear electricity?” She asked them, desperately trying not to laugh. 

“You guys can hear electricity?” Ali exclaimed, looking between the two of them.

“Gosh, it must be so boring walking around in those funny little brains.” Jemma sighed, looking at them all.

“I’d miss my bees.” Ed agreed.

“I can feel electricity.” Ava offered.

“Not the same. I can as well.” Daisy pointed out. 

“It’s part of why I don’t like white lights.” Jemma said mildly. 

“...Can you hear the lights now?” Ali half whispered, looking around the room.

“Yes.” Jemma whispered, matching her tone.

“I can hear next door’s TV.” Ed said.

“That sounds like hell on Earth.” Ali groaned.

“Meh.”

“It’s fine.” Ed and Jemma said simultaneously. 

“So when you two have meltdowns-”

“-It’s because we can literally hear you all breathing, yes.” Jemma nodded, “It’s like when you first got your powers and could feel literally everything all the time.” Jemma told Daisy, “But you can never learn to tune it out or control it.” She explained.

“My God, Jems.” Daisy breathed, looking at her slightly differently.

“But hey, at least I’m good at maths.” Jemma said brightly.

“I’m not even good at math. Or English. Or anything vaguely academic.” Ed complained.

“How many languages do you speak?” Ali asked innocently.

“Fluently?” Ed asked.

“Enough to get by.” Ali settled for. Ed frowned.

“I don’t know. Russian, by relation Ukrainian and some Belarusian. Obviously Bulgarian, Polish, Slavic, then for european countries there’s French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Catalan, and Romanian. I know Greek as well.” She added on a second thought, “Then for Asian languages there’s Mandarin, Cantonese, a little Japanese, and like enough Korean to seduce a man. Jumping over to Scandinavia, I know some Danish. And Zulu.” She finished. 

“19.” Jemma summarised.

“She forgot English.”

“20.” Jemma corrected, “Very neurotypical of you, Eds.” She nodded. Ed rolled her eyes.

“You had two PhDs by the time we left The Prep.”

“You were almost recruited by the CIA when we were 15.” Jemma countered.

“And we’re mediocre.” Ali nodded.

“The bees, Ali, the bees.” Jemma sighed,

“Buzz buzz bitch.” Ed nodded solemnly.

“Buzz buzz.” Jemma echoed.


	65. One Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi and Nat pack up Huntingbird’s apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for grief

Bobbi read the email again. And again. And then a third time. It partially sank in on the fourth go round, the words floating before her eyes.

"Hey, B." Nat said lightly as she walked into their living room, hair wrapped in a towel.

"I need to go to Quebec." Bobbi said numbly as she read it again. 

"Okay. You want me to come?" Nat offered. Bobbi laughed a little. God, she was so willing to help it was almost frightening.

"You don't even know why."

"Right. Why do you need to go to Quebec?" Nat recited. Bobbi inhaled deeply.

"We had an apartment there. Has all our stuff in it, photo albums, clothes, family stuff. Basically most of our personal belongings. We didn't wanna keep it at The Hub, figured it would be nice to have a place of our own." She said sadly, smiling bitterly, "Landlord emailed, stopped getting Hunter's half of the rent." Nat's face fell.

"I'll go get the stuff if you don't wanna go back." She said softly. Bobbi shook her head.

"It's fine. Can you come with me?" She asked nervously.

"Whatever you need." Nat nodded, Bobbi's heart twisting a little, "We can go this weekend? Take a couple days off and drive." Nat suggested.

"Thank you." Bobbi smiled a little.

"How're you doing?" Nat asked gently as she sat next to her, pulling a blanket onto her lap. Bobbi sighed.

"It's been 6 weeks." She just said, not sure that there were words for what she felt. He'd been taken from her, and she hadn't even said goodbye. She'd told him not to die out there and God, couldn't he just do as he was told for  _ once _ ? Why, why did he have to die? Why wasn't it her in front of that bullet? Why did it have to be anyone, who the hell got to decide who lived or who died? It wasn't fair, and Bobbi couldn't quite work it out. He was stolen from her, torn from her universe, and it was awful, and he left a gap in her chest, in her mind, it separated her from everyone. Nat, Ed, May, she just wasn't quite reachable.

"Bobbi?" Nat asked again.

"Sorry?" Bobbi asked, pulling herself out of her head.

"Don't worry." Nat smiled slightly, reaching over her to grab the remote, turning on whatever brainless sitcom would bore her to the point of her mind going numb the quickest. 

"Hey, when do you go back in the field?" Bobbi asked after a while. Nat shrugged.

"Whenever. Technically I'm an active agent. Just Fury's gone dark and Hill's overseeing some other mission in Australia and Coulson’s busy being sad of the year , so we're kinda just waiting. Why?" Nat asked. Bobbi shrugged.

"I don't know, just wondering." She brushed off.

"What about you?"

"There's no E.C.H.O.. Mack's transferring to the mech labs, Yo-yo's on assignment with an enhanced welcome wagon whatever, Trip and Kara won't be out of rehab until October, Hunter's, well, you know, and May's busy with the baby widows." She ran through her team, looking down as she got to Hunter. 

"But Daisy and Ed are joining next year, right?" Nat frowned.

"Ed is. I don't know about Daisy, she'll have too many offers. It'd be September by the time they join anyway, so you're stuck with me." Bobbi told her, pulling her mouth into a thin line as she finished.

"It's nice you being here." Nat corrected her, Bobbi just rolling her eyes.

"To answer your question, it won't be until about October." Bobbi finished.

"Okay." Nat nodded. 

"And it is nice me being here." Bobbi agreed. Nat smiled softly, cursing herself for the way her heart may as well have leaped out of her chest.  _ Her husband died 6 weeks ago, show a little respect, _ she chastised herself, before habitually reminding herself that she hadn't  _ done  _ anything. Bobbi had been the one who asked to move in, Bobbi had been the one to basically latch herself to Nat's side after Hunter, Bobbi had been the one who ended up crawling in her bed most nights because the voices in her head got too harsh. But was she taking advantage, or being inconsiderate, or being too gentle with her? Was she what Bobbi needed?

* * *

“Music?” Nat offered as she hopped into the driver seat, sliding a pair of ray-bans over her nose, typing her hair back. 

“You pick.” Bobbi shrugged, crossing her legs in the passenger seat. 

“Narrow it down or we will listen to noughties hits for the five hours.” Nat said dryly. Bobbi sighed.

“Taylor.” Bobbi decided. Nat smirked slightly, shuffling Taylor Swift on spotify and plugging her phone into the car.

“Interesting.” Nat said smugly. Bobbi rolled her eyes.

“You sound like Ed. Or O’Connor.” Nat didn’t respond, so Bobbi sat back in her seat, propping her legs up on the dash.

“We’ll switch on the way back?” She asked. Nat shook her head.

“I drive.” 

“How come?” Bobbi frowned. 

“I’m not convinced you  _ can _ .” Nat said simply.

“Hey!” Bobbi protested.

“Well can you?” Nat asked.

“I know  _ how _ . I just haven’t for a while.” She said quickly. 

“How come?” Nat asked as she started the engine, pulling out of the garage.

“Hunter always used to.” She admitted, looking down and frowning slightly, “When he was gone Kara did.” She said simply, swallowing more tears, refusing to look Nat in the eye. 

“You can if you want.” Nat said softly. Bobbi shook her head.

“It’s fine.” She smiled to herself despite her confusion. How could she get used to this? To him being so  _ gone _ , to living without him, to moving on? How could she feel that again, how could she feel  _ anything _ again?

“You okay?” Nat asked after a while in silence. Bobbi just nodded, not offering anything else. She wasn’t. She was visiting their place for the last time, the place where they’d drank together, laughed together, fought each other, made up, lived together, taken it for granted. Because that was the way, wasn’t it? You take people for granted until they’re gone because the thought of them not being there anymore is so unthinkable, so awful that you couldn’t even fathom it.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Nat assured her. Bobbi looked over at her, her eyes concealed behind her sunglasses, facing steadily towards the road. It confused her sometimes, Nat’s goodness, her kindness, why she hid it under layers of sarcasm, or intimidation, or bluntness. She was soft, and kind, and funny. She deserved better than the hand she’d been dealt, but still, she persisted. She’d been through hell, she’d clawed her way back, and still, she persisted. 

Nat felt Bobbi’s eyes rest on her, felt her trying to see through her, see the woman underneath the layers of facades and lies. Nat hoped she never did, hoped she never saw the monster that resided under her skin, under the intimidation, the friendship, the anger. Hoped she never saw what she really was, what Ivan made her. 

They drove for hours, Bobbi resting her head against the window, watching Canada flash by as her mind wandered, Nat checking in every so often, otherwise content to listen to Taylor, her hands drumming against the wheel.

It was two o’clock by the time they pulled into the car park nearest the apartment block, Bobbi’s legs shaking under her as she walked out, Nat offering her hand, Bobbi taking it, closing her fingers around Nat’s.

“I got you.” Nat reminded her.

“I know.” Bobbi nodded, inhaling as she made her way through the cars, keys jangling in her pocket. 

“When were you last here?” Nat asked.

“Couple months ago. May gave us a weekend off.” Bobbi told her, looking around as they crossed the road. Last time she’d been here they’d been midway through an argument, May had basically told them to leave until they got their acts together. Nat didn’t say anything, just nodded. They made their way into the building, taking the stairs rather than the lift, Bobbi wanting to postpone it for as long as possible. They already had moving boxes in the apartment, just for simplicity. They’d barely ever had time to unpack it anyway.

She fiddled with her wedding ring in her pocket. He’d bought it for her on a mission in France, gave it to her that night at dinner.

_“We didn’t really get to make it official the first time round, Bob, so I figured now’s my chance.”_ _He said, smiling softly in the candlelight as he pulled it out of his pocket._

She ran her finger over the metal, twisting it around as she bit her lip anxiously. This all felt far too close to saying goodbye. 

“You got the key?” Nat asked as they approached the door.

“What if I didn’t?” Bobbi replied as she took it out.

“I’d pick the lock.” Nat said as though it were clear as day.

“Right.” Bobbi nodded, opening the door. It was a small place, just one bedroom one bathroom, but it was the closest that they had to a home together, the closest they had to something outside S.H.I.E.L.D.. Bobbi inhaled as she walked in, closing her eyes. It still smelt like home. 

“What’re we here for?” Nat asked.

“His stuff. Mine too, I guess. There shouldn’t be too much.” Bobbi assured her, stepping through the door into the living room. There was still an empty glass on the side, Hunter must’ve left it. 

She looked over at a photo that sat on the mantelpiece. It was them in their first year at The Academy. God, they were young. He was smiling, his eyes were painfully blue, his beard hadn’t even fully grown in yet. He was 16, he was bright, undamaged, scar-free. 

If only she could talk to that boy. To tell him she loved him, she was proud of him, to hold on tight to him and never let him go. Would she tell him to stay away, to run far away from her because S.H.I.E.L.D. would only cause him pain? Because she would only cause him pain?

She picked the picture up, tears welling in her eyes as she looked at him, pulling it close to her chest. Nat looked at the floor as she watched, guilt striking her as Bobbi cried. How could she? How could she live up to what he left behind? How could she even consider that when she was crying over his photo, when they’d known each other for eleven years?

“Was it my fault?” Bobbi asked after a moment, her voice thick with tears. 

“No. God, no,” Nat said immediately, looking up sharply. Bobbi was still facing the wall, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. 

“He wanted to leave. After he came back, he wanted to leave S.H.I.E.L.D.. We argued about it for days, that was the last time we were here. He stayed for me, so how is it not my fault?” Bobbi asked numbly, her voice shaking, fresh tears breaking with every breath. Nat searched her mind for answers, for words of comfort, for anything that wasn’t equally as depressing, but she couldn’t find it, “I killed him, Tasha. He’s dead b-because of  _ me _ .” Bobbi choked, looking back down at the photo, his eyes so young. 

“No, Bobbi-”

“Please.” Bobbi whispered, turning to face her, “Please, Nat,” She shook her head, bowing it a little.

“Hey, look at me.” Nat walked over to her, tilting her chin up, “This wasn’t on you. There were many things wrong with that mission, there were so many goddamn mistakes, but his death wasn’t on your hands.” She said firmly, her green eyes unreadable as they pierced Bobbi’s bloodshot ones.

“He’s dead.” She just said, her bottom lip quivering. Nat’s heart broke as she hugged her, Bobbi leaning hopelessly on her shoulder as she cried, Nat wrapping her arms around her back, cursing herself as she longed for  _ more _ , her heart singing as Bobbi wrapped her arms around Nat. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Nat just whispered, letting her cry. 

“You’re really small.” Bobbi sniffled as she pulled away, standing up straight. Nat glared up at her from her mighty height of 5’3”.

“I will drive off without you.” Nat glared. Bobbi laughed tearily, hugging her again, closing her eyes as she felt Nat’s arms close around her.

“Tiny little assassin.” Bobbi muttered as she wiped away her tears, “Who could definitely kill me in my sleep.” She amended as Nat seemed to grow about a foot, squaring her shoulders up and glaring at her.

“Better.” Nat nodded, making her way through to the kitchen.

“The boxes are in the pantry.” Bobbi called her as she followed her through, helping her fold up the boxes on the kitchen floor. They started with the glasses, they only had about 4 anyway, but they wrapped them, their crockery and their cutlery up in bubble wrap, Bobbi fairly certain that Nat popped the majority of the bubbles anyway. The kitchen was less painful than the rest of the apartment.

The rest of the apartment held years of lazy weekends, of worn down blankets and water stains from mugs. It had t-shirts that still smelt like him, clothes that belonged to who they  _ were _ , not who they became. It had Hunter’s Liverpool FC jerseys, his cowboy hat, his Hufflepuff scarf, photos of them with Hand and Hartley. It was them, their place, their bolt hole, just for them. And it was disappearing into boxes, into closed doors and bloodshot eyes.

“I miss him.” Bobbi admitted, smiling down at him. 

“I know.” Nat nodded, setting a hand on her shoulder. Bobbi smiled, taking her hand and leaning into it. Nat rubbed her thumb over Bobbi’s, biting her lip slightly as she looked down, that guilt eating away at her again. 

“We should go.” Bobbi decided, looking up from the photo. 

“Okay.” Nat nodded, “You're okay?” She checked nervously. Bobbi shook her head, smiling despite herself, 

“I don’t want to let go.” She just said, brushing a thumb over his smile. 

“You don’t have to. Not until you’re ready.” Nat told her, taking the photo from shaking hands, “We can stay if you want.” She offered. 

“I don’t want to go, but I need to.” Bobbi decided, looking around the bedroom mournfully. 

“He’ll still be here, with you, after you’ve left.” Nat promised. Bobbi sniffled, nodding. 

“It’s time.” She stood up, looking around once more, “I just can’t believe it’s over.” Nat nodded, leaving her alone in the room. Bobbi sat back on the bed, the mattress bare, just like the rest of the room. Any trace of them, of him that remained had been taken away, leaving it stripped, cold, like how she felt. He was her life, he was the sun, the moon the sky. He was her everything, and he was gone.

She stood up, sighing heavily as she looked out their window one last time, as she brushed her fingers over their chest of drawers, as she looked in her mirror and could  _ almost _ picture him standing behind her, a ghost of them. She leans against her imaginary love, covering his hands around her waist with her own, looking at him.

He fades slowly, his eyes still bright, warmth still radiating from him. 

Bobbi left as he did, closing their door for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	66. Accidental Murderers Gang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda, Ava and Bella get coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for mentions of grief, mentions of trauma, mentions of death

“Morning.” Bella said far too cheerily for 10am. 

“Hi.” Ava grumbled, looking around the coffee shop uncomfortably, “Why’re we doing this again?” She asked. Bella sighed.

“Because, trauma bonding, whatever.” Bella rolled her eyes, flopping back in the booth.

“No, I get that, just why are we in a coffee shop?” Bella rolled her eyes.

“Ed’s in our dorm, Wanda’s roommates are scary, and I don’t wanna go to C-Victor.” Ava nodded, not quite catching on for a solid second.

“Hey! We’re not  _ that  _ bad.” Bella raised an eyebrow.

“The fighting is fine. The screaming matches into the wee early hours are annoying.” Ava sighed.

“It’s been getting better.” She tried. Bella scoffed.

“This morning she  _ left the room in a huff _ . This is Ed Morse we are talking about.” Bella looked at her. 

“So, what, you and Ali have coordinated our lives so we never have to see each other?” Ava joked. Bella looked down, “I’m sorry, have you and Ali coordinated our lives so we ever have to see each other?” 

“Jemma helped.” Bella defended. Ava just sighed, smiling up at Wanda as she came in, sitting next to them in their little booth.

“What’d Jemma help with?” Wanda asked. Bella looked down as Ava explained.

“Edie-” Bella scoffed to herself at the use of her full name, but Ava ignored her and continued, “-And I have been fighting more recently, and everyone’s favourite sociopathic twins have been manipulating our entire lives so we don’t end up in the same room as each other too much.”

"I told you, Jemma helped!" Bella protested.

"Yeah, I don't blame you. Morse is scary when she's angry. Actually, Morse is generally pretty scary." Wanda nodded, Bella and Ava both sniggering. "What?" 

"Nothing, she'd just find it funny that you said that.” Bella smirked.

“She is scary.” Wanda sighed, “So is May. And the other May. And probably the new baby May.” 

“Daisy May is a simp for a scientist, Melinda May is a total mama bear, and Sasha May-Coulson sounds utterly adorable.” Ava raised an eyebrow.

“Sure, but Daisy May killed 40 people when she was 16 and then like 50 about 2 months ago, Melinda May is known S.H.I.E.L.D. wide as ‘The Cavalry’ and Sasha May-Coulson is a tiny baby Russian assassin.” Wanda listed. 

“Hey, that messed Daisy up!” Bella protested.

“That messed you all up.” Ava sighed. 

“What actually happened?” Wanda asked. Bella shifted uncomfortably.

“Stuff.” She said tightly. 

“Come on, Bee, in the name of trauma bonding.” Ava judged her. Bella sighed, taking a sip of her Irish coffee.

“I was in the dorm with Dee,” Bella started, “There was an announcement on the intercom, told everyone to gather in the assembly hall,” Bella laughed dryly, “We knew it was coming. For ages, everything was all uptight in Big S.H.I.E.L.D., no word from Melinda or Coulson, no word from Bobbi or- or Hunter.” She said quietly, thinking about Hunter. She had barely known him, other than hearing Ed complain about him. He seemed alright, she thought, seemed like one of the good ones. She cleared her throat,

“Ed texted Dee, told us where she’d hidden all her weapons. I took a gun, Dee had daggers, a gun as well. That was before she had her powers.” Ava choked.

“Daisy didn’t always have powers?” Bella frowned.

“You’ve known us for five years and you don’t know about the day Daisy got powers?” Bella raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, none of you talk about that unless you’re joking about it, and I block all that out!” Ava protested. 

“Okay, well whatever. Dee didn’t have powers, she liked to fight with a dagger, or hand to hand, before, I mean.”

“Bella...” Wanda whispered. Bella sighed,

“Right, that day. Well, we put Luna outside, then went to the hall, met up with Ed and some kids, headed for the hall. It was chaos in there, kids everywhere. That’s when the voice came over the speakers, the mist filled the room, Daisy went into Terrigenesis. Whilst she was doing, whatever that was, Hydra lined us all up, guns to everyone’s heads.” She swallowed thickly, “I held Fitzy’s hand, watched as Daisy broke out of the cocoon, held him back when Jay collapsed.” She looked at the table. Wanda offered her hand and Bella took it, squeezing it. 

“Dee killed anyone who got close to her or Jay, Eds sorted out the kids, and I killed a guy.” Bella smiled tearily, thinking about the gun in her hands, the pull of the trigger.

“Y-you’ve killed someone?” Ava whispered. Bella chuckled.

“So have you.” Bella reminded her.

“So have I.” Wanda said quietly. “Ivan’s soldiers, when I saw Pietro collapse. It all got out of control, I killed them, instead of knocking them out.” 

“Accidental murderers gang.” Ava smirked, fist bumping Wanda. Bella shook her head fondly, bumping her fist against Wanda’s. 

“What about you?” Wanda nudged Ava. She sighed.

“You wanna know about Ava Antaloyeva’s kills or mine?”

“That wasn’t you.” Bella reminded her.

“Sure, but it also was. I don’t know how many he had me kill, girls or... otherwise.” Ava told them. “ _ I’ve _ killed at least 20, I think, including Ivan.” She smirked slightly.

“Bet Daisy was pissed.” Bella said. Ava shook her head.

“She was more worried about Jemma. Anyways, she got to kill like 50 of them.” 

“She doesn’t like that.” Bella said quietly, “None of them do. May, Daisy, us. We do what we have to to protect the people we love, but we don’t enjoy it.”

“That’s why you’re leaving.” Wanda whispered. Bella nodded.

“Yeah. The people I love have a habit of getting killed.” She smiled sadly, shaking her head before asking Wanda, “Hey, where are you going after graduation?” Wanda shrugged.

“I’m in Sci-Tch usually, but I might be placed on an enhanced team. Depends what S.H.I.E.L.D. wants from me.” Bella nodded.

“Will you miss S.H.I.E.L.D.?” Ava nudged her. Bella inhaled.

“I’ll miss you all. My family.” She smiled sadly, “I won’t miss S.H.I.E.L.D. though.” 

“I think about leaving sometimes.” Wanda admitted, “Pietro, he kept me here, told me they’d protect us. Look what happened.” Her accent came out as she talked about him. Ava wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her shoulder.

“Do you ever want to leave?” Bella asked Ava. She pulled a face.

“Sometimes. When things get bad with Yesha, or when I see what damage S.H.I.E.L.D. did to all of you I want to run away, get into merc work, live alone, not worry about S.H.I.E.L.D. or protocol or Ed.” She sighed wistfully. Wanda raised an eyebrow.

“How bad are things with her?” 

“Depends on the day. Some days are fine, other days-”

“-Other days everyone evacuates the dorm because when they fight they use _ all _ the rooms.” Bella interjected. “They walked straight in on DJ doing it, Ali ran through because of the screams, it was a whole thing.” Bella smirked. Ava rolled her eyes.

“We have a lot to sort out.” She said. “And neither of us is exactly great at communication.” 

“You’re not gonna breakup though?” Wanda asked. Bella shook her head, looking at Ava slightly threateningly.

“ _ I _ don’t want to.” She defended, “But we’ve been through a lot, it’s hard to sort out just how much went wrong.”

“We shouldn’t talk about this.” Bella warned. 

“Why not?” Wanda asked. Ava laughed.

“Because when asked to pick sides, they’ll always go with her.” She said slightly bitterly.

“Told you.” Bella mouthed.

“What’re you even fighting about?” Wanda asked. Bella groaned.

“Well, it started out with Ivan and Lincoln. This morning it wasn’t actually me who started it, she’s having a ‘bad day’.” Ava said flatly. Bella groaned again, resting her head on the table.

“What?” Wanda frowned.

“She’s gonna be annoyed at me because everyone is weirdly protective over Ed.” Ava recited. Bella nodded.

“Still think she’s scary.” Wanda muttered. 

“Either way, we have been getting better. Until today we went like… three days without fighting.” 

“Are you sleeping together?” Wanda asked casually. Ava pulled a face and Bella just laughed.

“Ava can’t talk about sex.” Bella said as she looked up, Ava hitting her.

“Hey, blame Somodorov, not me.” Ava shrugged.

“I seem to remember you shooting him.” Bella said innocently. Ava sighed. “And to answer your question, no, they’re not.” Bella told Wanda. 

“I don’t want to initiate it. And she has been pretty touch averted since him.” Ava sighed.

“Everyone has.” Wanda agreed, “Our enhanced team, me, even you.” Wanda pointed out quietly. 

“Jemma has too.” Bella contributed, sipping her coffee.

“Not you though.” Ava said. It wasn’t a question, as such, but it felt like one.

“Everyone reacts to trauma differently.” She started, “For me this one was more of a final shot that I needed to get out, more permission to leave than anything. Besides, I didn’t get injured like the rest of you.” She shrugged. Ava scoffed.

“Right, you just watched your boyfriend die again.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Bella snapped, before freezing. “Oh…” She looked down guiltily. Wanda closed her eyes as Bella’s thoughts seemed to get louder, not wanting to intrude.

“Stop it, Wanda.” Bella asked quietly.

“I’m trying, they just got louder.” She blinked as Bella tried to force her out, gasping quietly as she opened her eyes again. “How’d you do that?” 

“Motivation.” Bella practically snarled. 

“Sorry.” Wanda looked down. 

“Play nice.” Ava chastised Bella, only to be met with a withering glare. “Sorry.” She mimicked Wanda.

“You don’t want to be in my head right now.” She warned. Wanda nodded.

“You know you don’t need to pretend.” Wanda said quietly. Bella shook her head, laughing a little.

“Don’t pretend you know what I need.” Bella said coldly. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Wanda nodded, feeling her pain like a ton of bricks. She wondered how she did it, how she got up every morning, acted normal, smiled, laughed, made plans, how she kept on going when she was holding onto all that.

“What does she mean, pretending?” Ava asked. Bella shook her head, painting on a smile.

“Nothing, babe.” She lied smoothly, sipping her coffee. Ava shifted,

“Please don’t lie to me.” She asked, pleaded, really. Lies seemed to be the basis of all her issues. Bella sighed.

“Look, I watched my boyfriend die  _ again _ not two months ago, directly after having listened to my sister get tortured.” 

“Sister?” Wanda frowned, missing the point.

“Jemma.” Ava filled in, “So what, all this time, all the ‘I’m fine’ whatever has been lies?” Bella shook her head.

“No. Not really. It’s just not for you to worry about.” Bella supplied. Wanda exchanged a look with Ava.

“Bullshit.” Ava said bluntly. Bella pulled a face, “This friendship thing works both ways, utka. Otherwise it’s just called you being a therapist.” Bella rolled her eyes.

“I’m dealing.” Wanda laughed.

“No. You’re not.” 

“Fine, but I’ll be out of here soon, then I can worry about me. It’s just easier with people who weren’t  _ there _ , who haven’t known me my entire fuckinng life.” She groaned.

“Okay. But you know we’re here. You don’t have to carry that alone.” Wanda said lightly. Bella looked at her.

“I’m sorry you saw that.” She told her softly.

“Hey, I’ve been there. Technically I  _ am _ there.” She shrugged, “You’re allowed to feel, you’re allowed to want help.” 

“I know.” Bella nodded, looking at her lap. “Thank you.”

“We’re cool.” Ava decided.

“The coolest.” Wanda agreed,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legitimately hate this chapter so much ew


	67. Traffic Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Ava talk about Ivan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for sexual trauma, sexual abuse, the beginning of smut (not enough to need a divider, literally just like,,, second base), PTSD
> 
> also this is more a CW than a TW, but light/ hinted kinkiness, D/s dynamic, that kinda thing ig

Ava kissed her back, smiling softly into her as she leant up to meet her lips. They’d been good for the last week or so, and she couldn’t tell if it was the calm before the storm or the water settling afterwards, but it was easier. They were good, settling into each other again.

"Morning." She said happily as she pulled away, opening her eyes slowly. She had to admit, there were some positive sides to Ed having been stabbed in the leg. That sounded wrong. Just, waking up next to her, morning kisses and breakfasts together were something she hadn't known she was missing out on.

“Dobroye utro." Ed replied, humming slightly as Ava kissed her cheek before padding off to get herself some juice. 

"Keep it in your pants." Bella scoffed from the sofa.

"I second that." Ali echoed, lifting their mug in agreement, "No romance of any description before 9am please."

"We're nowhere near as bad as DJ." Ed pointed out.

"Romance is romance babe." Ali shrugged. 

"This is homophobia." Ed just muttered, rolling her eyes at Ali. 

"Shut up I'm the least hetero here." Ali tutted, "You're all cis, therefore, I win." They nodded sincerely, "And I've come out more times than any of you."

"You like m-" Ed started, but Ali stopped her.

"Don't say that." Bella warned, not looking up from her phone.

"Lies." Ali denied.

"Really?" Ed raised an eyebrow. Ali sighed heavily.

"Technically speaking, I am capable of liking...  _ that, _ so it works in theory, but in practice I would rather perish than spend more than one night with a guy. Two if he's lucky." They said with a wink. Ed scrunched her nose.

"Ew."

"I know." Ali agreed, "Anyway, Orlova likes men." They pointed out.

"Debatable." Ava shrugged from the kitchen before sitting next to Bella.

"Is it?" Ed asked. Ava sighed.

"No."

* * *

Ed looked up from her German notes as Ava walked into their room, wearing only a towel, her hair wet around her shoulders.

"I'm a lesbian." She said as soon as she walked in. Ava shook her head.

"A useless one at that." Ava smiled, closing the door before she dropped the towel, Ed barely having time to process what the hell was happening before she was tugging pajama shorts on.

"You're putting clothes on." Ed pouted.

"I'm aware." Ava agreed, digging in her drawer to find a top.

"Stop." Ed said, barely louder than a whisper. Ava froze. They hadn't done this since  _ before,  _ "Colour?" Ed checked.

"Green." Ava nodded, not turning around as she swallowed hard. 

"Stand up straight for me, sweetie." Ed asked as she stood up, careful not to put too much weight on her bad leg, pushing her laptop onto the floor and pulling her hair out of its bun, purple and blonde falling over her shoulders. Ava stood up to face her, pulling her shoulders back and tilting her chin up slightly. Ed tutted, cooing slightly.

"Good girl." She praised, brushing Ava's hair over her shoulder, planting a soft kiss to her neck. Ava leaned into her, her hand brushing over Ed's waist.

_ Her breath caught in her throat as he squeezed her waist, his hands wandering over her lap. _

Ed ignored her brain's screaming, pushing it down as she'd been taught, despite the world swimming around her. She kissed her again, Ava's skin soft under her mouth, part of her overjoyed at the mark she'd leave, most of her screaming for air as the hand crawled up her side.

_ His hands ran down her torso, Ed thrashing against him as he held her back against the chair, _

_ 'Davay, milaya devochka, tebe eto nravitsya, ne tak li?'  _

Ava whimpered against her as Ed realized she was biting down too hard for comfort. She released the skin, her tongue flicking over it as she moved away, "Sorry, sweetie." She found the words in the forefront of her mind, they came so easily, like autopilot. 

"Please," Ava whined, her hand ghosting over Ed's chest. 

_ His hand rubbed her shoulder, venturing down to her sternum, holding her back as he ran a hand down her cleavage.  _

Ed exhaled heavily.  _ Compartmentalize, malyshka. _ She nodded her permission, Ava beaming as she lifted Ed's shirt over her shoulders, Ed numb as she explored her chest, her heart racing, her mind elsewhere, trying desperately to react appropriately, to give her what she wanted, to be good for her. 

Ava kissed along her collarbone, working her way down to her breast, pausing as she felt Ed under her when her other hand came up to her chest. She pulled away.

"Colour?" She asked. Ed didn't say anything, "Yesha, colour." Ava demanded, moving away from her, terrified as Ed's eyes filled with tears. Ava stood up, moving away from her.

"Ed?" She asked softly. Ed shook her head.

"Red." She whispered, tears spilling as she felt her stomach twist, his hands all over her, taking her as his, breath on her neck, his voice in her ear, "I'm sorry." She croaked, swallowing thickly as she picked her shirt up off the floor, pulling it over her head and crossing her arms defensively. She tumbled back onto the bed, sitting on the edge with her head in her hands, her mind screaming at her. She could feel the lights stinging her eyes, hear Ava's scream, the steady tapping of the metronome in her ears. She let a few more tears slip out, silent ones. She felt dirty, violated, a sense of shame hanging over her as she felt the bed's weight shift. 

"We should talk." Ava said softly as settled next to her.

"I'm sorry." Ed repeated, not lifting her head, "It's stupid, we can keep going." She decided, wiping her eyes despite the sickness that built in her as she remembered the feeling of helplessness, the utter fear, the violation.

"No." Ava shook her head, "It's not stupid. Whatever it is, it's never stupid. But we do need to talk about it. It doesn't have to be now-"

"It's Ivan." Ed said hoarsely, lifting her head from her hands and staring at the ground in shame. "You didn't see. It's why I was screaming." Ava went to rub her shoulder but stopped herself, her hand staying fixed in her lap. 

"Why didn't you safe word earlier?" Ava asked her softly. 

"I didn't want you to think I was bad." Ed admitted quietly, her gaze still fixed on the floor, "It's like I'm dirty. What he did, it's like I can still feel him on me." She told her, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

"You're not bad, Yesha. He was bad, he was terrible, but what he did to you wasn't your fault. You're allowed to be affected by him too." Ava said softly, wishing she could take her hand. 

"What he did to you-"

"What he did to me isn't relevant. What he did to you is valid. You're human, dorogaya. You're allowed to feel." Ava assured her. Ed let out a shaky breath, "You need to try and trust me though, please. I'm never going to judge you for using the safe word, that's what it's there for. This works both ways, milaya."

"I need to be enough for you." Ed sniffled, her chest heavy.

"Just you is enough. If you don't want to have sex or if you need to change how we have it or if you need to stop half way through that's okay. I'm with you, I love you, and I want to be able to support you, and trust that you're safe enough with me to trust me with that." Ed smiled slightly, choking out a mixture of a sob and a laugh as she wiped a tear, the world wrong as it danced around her.

"How can you still want me?" Ed whispered, her hands wringing around each other, "I'm broken now, like damaged goods. I- I can't do what you want." Ava tutted.

"Believe it or not, you're more to me than just sex. You're not broken, you're not damaged, you're not dirty. You're beautiful and you're powerful and you're going to be okay. Even if that's a different okay to before." Ava assured her, "I'll never stop wanting you. You're my home, my love." Ava told her softly, offering her hand. Ed took it, squeezing it.

"I'm sorry I didn't safe word sooner." She looked up to look her in the eye, looking back down again as she was met with a confusing cocktail of sadness, fear, grief, love and anger.

"I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't." Ava replied. 

"That's not a you thing, that's a me thing." Ed assured her.

"If you didn't feel like you could opt out without me thinking less of you then that's a me thing." Ava frowned. Ed shook her head.

"It's just in my head. It's like there's this voice telling me how dirty it felt, how disgusting I am, and so how could you ever love that? I know it's stupid, and that I said I'd be more open this time but-"

"-Hey, it's okay. You're okay." Ava promised, squeezing her hand. Ed nodded. 

"Thank you." She smiled softly, cupping Ava's cheek with her hand. Ava leaned into her, looking up slightly shyly.

"You know what we could do?" Ed asked, grinning slightly mischievously.

"What?" Ava asked suspiciously.

"We could make it so you  _ can’t  _ touch me." Ava's stomach fluttered in excitement.

"I like the way you think." She breathed, tipping her head back as Ed ran a hand through her curls. 

"Colour?" Ed checked.

"Green. Like, the greenest shade of green." Ava nodded enthusiastically, "You?" She asked.

"Orangey green." She shrugged.

"We'll go slow." Ava nodded, smiling as Ed leaned in to kiss her, closing her eyes as she let her take the lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	68. We Overwhelm Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Jemma talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for mentions of drug abuse, recreational drug use, mentions of PTSD

“When did you last sleep?” Jemma asked with a sigh as she found Ed curled up on the sofa, her phone loose in her hand.

“Couple days ago? Maybe?” Ed shrugged, turning her phone off and looking up at Jemma, “What’re you doing up at this fine hour?” She asked, patting the couch next to her.

“Didn’t want to leave you alone. And Daisy started snoring.” Jemma smiled as she headed through to the kitchen for tea, “Want a cuppa?” She offered. Ed shook her head.

“We’ve had this conversation. I’ll take some Adderall though?” She asked hopefully. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“You’re as bad as the twins.” She sighed, boiling the kettle.

“I  _ have _ ADHD.” She protested.

“You also  _ have _ a recommended daily intake.” Jemma imitated, “One that I suspect you’ve surpassed.” She muttered, getting her mug and a teabag out.

“Hey!” Ed frowned. Jemma looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “I was sick of the bees.” She admitted, “Buzz buzz buzz, all day long, it’s  _ exhausting _ .” She sighed.

“I’ll make you some tea.” Jemma decided, getting Ed’s mug out of the cupboard. 

“Buzz buzz.” Ed just repeated happily, Luna padding over to her. “Privet, malysh, ty prosto samyy simpatichnyy, ne tak li? Moya malenkaya pchela, buzz buzz.” She giggled to herself as she picked her up, buzzing against her tummy. Luna meowed in protest, wiggling against her hold. Ed let her down, grinning as she watched her pace around the couch. 

“Un thé pour toi." Jemma said primly as she handed her the mug. 

“Spasiba.” Ed grinned. Jemma sighed.

“I don’t speak Russian.” Ed just shrugged.

“Qui a dit ca je fait?” She asked as she tried to sip her tea, grimacing as she realised it was hot.

“Tu es parler Russi.” Jemma pointed out. Ed scoffed.

“Non, je suis parler Français, alors hah.” Jemma just rolled her eyes at her.

“So, how’re the bees?” Jemma asked softly as she settled next to her. Ed groaned.

“Still there, just very slow.” She scrunched her face up. 

“Well, yes, Adderall is a stimulant, it increases dopamine pr-” Ed moaned.

“Yeah, talk science to me baby.” She nodded, closing her eyes as her mouth spread into a lazy smile. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“Neurotypicals like Adderall because it gives them energy and stimulates them, you like it because it slows you down and gives you the happy chemicals that you usually lack.” Jemma summarised. Ed laughed dryly.

“Sorely lacking recently.” She scoffed. Jemma tutted.

“I’m sorry. It must be awful.” Jemma told her, making Ed cringe.

“You’re so  _ English _ .” She laughed as she rocked forward, booping Jemma’s nose, “Little English Muffin.” Jemma pulled her mouth into a line, which only amused her more, “Now you’re like a polite little English cat.” Jemma frowned at her, “They keyword being  _ little _ .” Ed nodded sincerely. 

“I’m not that small.” Jemma protested, but Ed put a finger over her lips.

“Shhhh.” She nodded, lifting up Luna with her other hand. “Look at moya pchela.” She said as Luna dangled from her arms. 

“A very lovely bee she is.” Jemma said, her voice muffled as she took pity on the cat and took her from Ed, utterly unsurprised when she ran away. 

“Hey, is this what I’d be like if I was normal?” Ed asked her suddenly. Jemma took her hand off her mouth, flopping it back down on the sofa.

“You are normal.” Jemma told her gently, but Ed shook her head.

“No, I mean if my brain wasn’t all fucked up.” She explained. Jemma sighed.

“Your brain isn’t all ‘fucked up’, Edie. You have PTSD and ADHD, that doesn’t make you fucked up.” Ed groaned in frustration.

“Fine, if I was neurotypical and without all the spice, would I be like this.” She gestured to herself. 

“No. If you were neurotypical you’d act differently in front of people. You’d probably be more like Bella, actually. If you didn’t have PTSD you’d sleep better. And you probably wouldn’t have taken the Adderall in the first place.” Jemma contemplated. “You wouldn’t be like this though.” Ed nodded.

“That sounds nice.” She said softly, sighing as she sipped her tea. “So, what brings you to my couch?” Ed asked as she gestured to the room.

“I’ve told you already, I didn’t want to leave you alone.” Jemma said simply. 

“But why were you awake in the first place?” Ed pushed. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“Go back to being high on dopamine, please, or talk about your own issues.” Jemma scoffed as Ed pouted at her.

“But my little tiny English muffin is sad.” Ed pouted, cupping Jemma’s cheeks and pushing them together so her lip puckered, “Don’t be sad.” Ed enunciated every word, pointing her finger firmly, making Jemma smile slightly.

“I-” She batted her hands off her, “I will try my best.” Jemma smiled as Ed nodded happily. 

“Good. You don’t deserve to be sad. You’re far too cute.” She nodded seriously. Jemma rolled her eyes, taking another sip of her tea.

“I’m not  _ cute _ .” Jemma scrunched her face up in disgust. Ed nodded.

“Yeah. You are. Lil cutie, with your science and your britishness. Hey, say ‘crumpet’.” Ed poked her. Jemma rolled her eyes at her, unimpressed, “What about sidewalk? Or uh, street?” Ed prodded. Jemma sighed.

“Crumpet, sidewalk, street, and just for good measure, chips, crisps and fries.” Jemma recited, Ed grinning.

“Very cute.” She muttered, flopping back against the sofa. Jemma shook her head affectionately, pulling a blanket over her lap. They sat in silence for a minute, Jemma waiting for her to say something.

“Hey, would May and Coulson’s kid hate how we think?” Ed asked after a while. Jemma’s heart twisted in her chest.

“I don’t know. We might overwhelm her? Hell, we overwhelm ourselves.” Jemma scoffed. Ed pulled a face.

“Maybe we should just smoke a bunch of weed before we meet her.” Jemma raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure May and Coulson would appreciate that.” Jemma smirked. Ed shrugged.

“Hello, we’re  _ sky high,  _ please let us meet your six year old daughter.” Ed laughed dryly, Jemma chuckled lightly.

“May’s leaving the strike team in good hands.” Jemma laughed, Ed nodded.

“We’ve got me and Daisy, 21 year olds with  _ buckets _ of trauma, Bobbi, the one who’s husband died like 2 months ago, Trip and Kara, who can’t be trusted alone in a  _ kitchen, _ and Yo-yo, the last sane one. It’ll be great.” Ed smiled. Jemma nodded, biting her lip anxiously.

“Look after her.” She asked nervously. Ed furrowed her brow.

“W-what?” She half laughed. Jemma cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“Please, Edie.” Jemma looked down as she fiddled with her fingers, getting Ed’s attention, “You’re both utterly useless, take care of each other.” She asked. Ed nodded.

“Got it, cute lil muffin friend who, despite having known me for 10 years still calls me Edie, wants me to baby her scary superhero girlfriend and called me useless whilst doing it.” Ed nodded sincerely. Jemma laughed, properly laughed, at that, nodding at her.

“Precisely.” Jemma grinned. “Hey, why do you only let me call you Edie?” Jemma frowned after a second. Ed shrugged.

“Suits you.” She smiled, “Edie sounds all soft and baby, so I don’t like it usually, but when you say it it’s warm.” She explained, scrunching her face up as she tried to find the words. “Anyway, other people call me Edie.” 

“Yes, Ava when you’re fighting and Bobbi when one of your lives are in danger.” Jemma pointed out. Ed rolled her eyes, before smirking. “What?” Jemma asked.

“That’s not the only time Ava calls me Edie.” She sniggered. Jemma took a second before she got it, making a face.

“Ew.” She shuddered. Ed was clearly very impressed with herself, “Hey, that’s something that we probably shouldn’t say in front of Sasha.” Jemma said.

“Ali probably shouldn’t be in front of Sasha at any given moment.” Ed pointed out, “They’d probably teach her unholy things.” 

“Have you ever wanted that? Kids?” Jemma asked as her mind wandered. Ed hummed, rocking backwards and forward relaxedly.

“Sometimes. Sometimes I want to run away with Ava and live in domesticity in some suburbs somewhere.” Ed nodded, “Adopt some kids, family bike rides, all that shit. It could be nice.” She contemplated. 

“Adopt?” Jemma asked.

“Ava can’t get pregnant and I don’t really want to.” Ed shrugged, “Anyway, giving kids a home if they need one sounds better. What about you?” She nudged her. Jemma sighed.

“I want children. I don’t think I can have them, after him, but I’d like them. When we retire, move somewhere nice, have a family together.” Jemma said mildly. Ed paused.

“You can’t?” She asked. 

“No one said I couldn’t, but I don’t suspect anyone checked. After that much damage to my body on top of what happened with Hydra it seems unlikely.” She explained.

“I’m sorry. I know you wanted that.” Ed said delicately. 

“It’s okay. There are other ways, and it’s not definite. I’m not a doctor.” Jemma reminded her. 

“You have like a million PhDs.” Ed scoffed.

“Absolutely 0 medial training though. Ali’s more qualified than I am, and they have 1.” 

“Clever little English doctor cutie pie muffin.” Ed giggled,  _ giggled _ , Jemma raised an eyebrow.

“Ali would kill you if you called them English.” Ed rolled her eyes.

“I meant you, genius.” Ed poked her, “Ali’s my dumbass-genius-enby-hoe.” Jemma smiled. T his Ed was hilariously chattery in comparison to how she usually was.

“Yeah? What about Ava?” Jemma asked. Ed screwed her nose.

“Depends. Sometimes she’s shouty-cry-y angry-short-girl, other times she’s my precious-Russian assassin-yellow-baby.” Ed smirked as she started the next sentence, “And then  _ sometimes _ she my good-” Jemma shushed her.

“Please don’t finish that sentence. Everything I learned about your sex life I have learnt utterly against my will.” 

“That wasn’t necessarily about sex!” Ed protested.

“What was the next word?”

“Girl.” Ed rolled her eyes as Jemma cringed.

“What, like you and Daisy don’t-” Jemma raised an eyebrow.

“How about we don’t go there?” Jemma suggested. Ed nodded, sighing.

“I can’t go there.” Ed admitted. 

“As in..?” 

“Sex. Can’t have normal, vanilla, smushy sex, with the closeness and the feelings.” Ed spat out a laugh, “All because of one Russian psycho.”

“That’s a perfectly natural trauma response.” Jemma nodded, “And understandable, all things considered.” 

“Still kinda sucks.”

“A lot of things kind of suck.” Jemma agreed.

“Especially now.” Ed sighed, “You don’t suck.” She decided she looked at her, narrowing her eyes. “For a while there you did, the whole Daisy thing, but you don’t now.” Ed nodded.

“I don’t think you suck either. Although, you also did for a while, with the whole Daisy thing.” Jemma smiled.

“I’m glad we’re good.” Ed smiled, nudging Jemma so she could lay with her head in her lap. Jemma smiled down at her, brushing her hair behind her ear.

“So am I.”


	69. Recreational Drugs Are Always an Option

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a shitshow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for alcohol mentions, and puke

“Seriously?” Ed raised an eyebrow as she walked (well, limped really) into the common area in the morning to see two passed out O’Connors on top of each other on the sofa. “Hey!” Ed yelled. They didn’t move. She sighed, turning the light on and filling a jug with freezing water, dumping it over them. 

“What the fuck?” Ali yelled as they jumped out, spluttering, before groaning at the light and the increasingly evident presence of their headache.

“Fuck off, Eds.” Bella groaned as she cracked an eye open, closing it as the light assaulted her. 

“I’m gonna be sick.” Ali muttered as they headed for the bathroom. 

“Yeah, actually, count me in on that.” Bella mumbled as she stumbled to her feet, her eyes closed as she found her way to the bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet as she puked up acrid bile, hearing Ali do the same in the cubicle next to her. 

Ed sighed to herself as they ran off, getting them a glass of water each as well as an Advil, boiling the kettle for their coffees. She carried the water and the pills through, screwing her face up at the sound.

“Gross.” She said as she sat behind them, handing Ali the cup as they held their hand out to her.

“Shut up.” Bella muttered as she collapsed back onto the floor.

“Hey, it’s your own faults.” Ed pointed out. Ali groaned as they downed the water, promptly leaning over the bowl to puke it back up again.

“Take it easy.” Ed soothed as she heard them cry in frustration.

“I hate being hung over.” Bella groaned.

“Again, it’s your own fault.” Ed sighed, passing her the water. She sipped it slowly, just wanting to lie down on the cold, tiled floor. Ed saw her going to lay down and tutted, propping her back up against the wall.

“Not sleep time now.” She tutted as Bella tried to lay on her, pushing her off her playfully.

“I hate you.” Bella whined as she flopped against the wall, her head flopping against her shoulder. 

“Li! You alright?” Ed called.

“Shut up!” The twins yelled, their heads pounding. 

“Don’t drink!” Ed yelled. 

“Did I mention hating you?” Ali asked.

“I think you did, yeah.” Ed nodded, holding Bella’s hair back as she leant over the toilet bowl again.

“What’re you all yelling about?” Jemma asked sleepily as she walked into the bathroom, a dressing gown wrapped around her.

“Their poor decisions.” Ed nodded to the two of them.

“Jemma...” Bella groaned as she wiped her mouth, “She’s bullying us.” Bella sat on the floor again, Ed letting go of her hair. Jemma tutted.

“I’m afraid I’m going to side with Morse here.” Jemma admitted, sitting cross legged behind Ali, “You broke the pact.” She said quietly. Ali rolled their eyes.

“Doesn’t count if we both did.” They muttered, letting Jemma brush their hair behind their ears, leaning into her touch. 

“Are you okay?” She asked softly. Ali shook their head. 

“‘m sick.” They pouted. Ed rolled her eyes.

“You’re not sick, you’re hung over.” Ed said from where she was sitting next to Bella, letting her lean on her shoulder.

“Feel pretty sick.” She whimpered. Ed sighed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“What happened?” Ed asked her quietly. 

“Later.” Bella promised. Ed nodded, kissing her head. Bella closed her eyes, snuggling into her.

“You know I don’t like being touched?” Ed whispered.

“I know that if you minded then you’d have pushed me off already.” Ed nodded.

“Fair.”

* * *

“Black coffees for you both.” Jemma said as she walked to where they were both sitting on the sofa, handing them a mug each.

“I love you.” Ali smiled as they took the mug.

“We’ve come a long way.” Jemma said quietly. Ali nodded, looking down in shame as they remembered, “I’m glad.” Jemma assured them softly, sitting next to them. Ed and Bella were on the other sofa, Bella laying in her lap whilst Ed stroked her hair.

“You know we still have exams.” Jemma pointed out. Everyone else groaned.

“I hate this stupid leg.” Ed whined, gesturing to her injured one.

“It’ll heal.” Jemma said mildly. _My lung will hardly grow back,_ she thought, smirking slightly.

“Rehab’s a bitch.” 

“ _I know_.” Jemma raised an eyebrow. Bella smirked.

“You know better than anyone.” Bella nodded. 

“How’s it going? Rehab, I mean?” Ali asked. Jemma shrugged.

“It is indeed, a bitch.” Jemma agreed. 

“When are exams?” Ali asked Jemma.

“Well, Daisy and Ava are already prepping for the enhanced ones, they left a while ago. We have a biology exam today,” she told Ali, “And you and Fitz have your aerospace engineering later.” Jemma told Bella. She sighed.

“Super.” 

“I got a bunch of theory ones tomorrow, field assessments day after that, combat assessments after that and then I’m done. Leader board will be up in two weeks, in time for...” She trailed off, “In time for graduation.” She finished. Everyone looked down.

“Still pissed that you’re leaving.” Ed looked down at Bella as she spoke. Bella didn’t say anything, just closed her eyes and nestled further into her lap.

“Jay, you know where you’re going yet?” Ali asked as they cleared their throat.

“Biochem labs at The Hub. You?” Jemma asked. 

“Bio labs at The Hub.” Ali grinned, “What team are you on?” 

“5-Niner, you?”

“5-Oscar.” Ali beamed, “We’ll be close. Eds, where are you gonna be stationed?” Ed shrugged.

“We can’t go on mission til October, everyone’s still rehabbing. I’ll be at The Hub til then, I’ll take specialist missions to fill the time.” She shrugged, noting their uncomfortable glances, “Hey, I gotta make money somehow!” 

“What’s your speciality?” Jemma asked. Ed shrugged.

“Whatever the big guy needs.” 

“How do you do that?” Ali pushed. Ed sighed.

“Look, you’re all sci-tech, you wouldn’t get it. We go in, we get the job done, we compartmentalise the aftermath.” She listed.

“Sounds lovely.” Jemma said dryly. 

“Yeah, anyway, to the point,” Ali groaned as they realised where she was going, “Wanna tell us what happened?”

Bella sighed. “Hey, go on.” She pushed her twin. Ali rolled their eyes, immediately regretting it as their head pounded.

“Technically, I started it.”

“Wow, nobody is surprised.” Ed said dryly. Ali hushed her before continuing.

"I was stressed from exams. Oksana's been trying to catch me up with the comms stuff, which is easy as shit, may I say, and I've got a bunch of biotech stuff to catch up on, and I thought it would be good to... unwind." They started. Bella took over.

"I agreed. We needed to let loose, you know?"

"So go smoke some goddamn weed!" Ed protested, "You know what you're like with alcohol." She said slightly sadly.

“Alternatively, you could just not turn to... recreational drugs and just go somewhere outside S.H.I.E.L.D. for a change?" Jemma offered. Even Ed scoffed at that.

“Alcohol is hardly recreational."

"Why go out when there's perfectly good vodka in?"

"'Recreational drugs' are always a valid option." The other three said at once.

"You're all as bad as each other." Jemma sighed.

"Hey, at least I'm not dumb enough to get smashed the night before an exam." Ali raised an eyebrow.

"Winter 2019." They said. Ed rolled her eyes.

"That doesn't count. Second year exams are wimpy." Ed scoffed.

"The point is," Jemma interrupted, "We're all familiar with you two and alcohol. We don't need a repeat of that." Bella sighed.

"That's not what this was. This was just stress relief." Bella tried.

"Stress relief that resulted in headaches and the world spinning." Ali agreed.

"God you two are so similar." Ed sighed, making them both glare at her. "I mean sure you have different aesthetics or whatever, and you present yourselves differently, but do a little digging and you're more alike." Ed compensated.

"If you dig deep enough most of us are alike. Me and Bella, you and Daisy, Ali and Ava." Jemma listed. Ali gasped.

"I'm sorry, did you just call me a bottom?" They practically spat. Jemma froze.

"I compared you to Ava." She offered. 

"Same thing." Ali huffed, prodding her with her foot.

"Not really." Jemma raised her eyebrows.

"No, they're kinda spot on." Ed confirmed. 

"Ew." Jemma shuddered.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go with Jem on this one. Ew.” Bella agreed. 

“Okay, England.” Ed rolled her eyes. Bella raised an eyebrow.

“Did you just call me English?” She spluttered, exaggerating her accent. Ed rolled her eyes.

“How does this not bother you?” She asked Jemma. Jemma just shrugged.

“My best friend is a scotsman.” She said as thought that cleared everything up. Ali pouted.

“Are we not your best friends?” They asked, whining a bit. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“My best friend who I don’t live with.” Jemma corrected, “Anyway, I’m better friends with Fitz than you.” She said simply. Ali pouted.

“I’m hurt. Truly.” Jemma paused. She looked at Ed, then back at Ali, then back at Ed.

“I- Are you joking?” She frowned, looking to Ed in question. She just shrugged.

“Probably.” Ali said mildly, getting up to turn the light off again, noticing how Bella was slowly burying her head further and further into Ed. Jemma opened her mouth as though to say something, but quickly closed it again. Ali flopped back onto the sofa, their legs on Jemma’s lap, smiling happily as she brushed their hair behind their ear.

* * *

“Wanna grab a coffee?” Daisy asked Ava as she left the assessment room, still buzzing from the adrenaline.

“Sure.” Ava smiled. They left together, Daisy still not quite believing that it was only 9am as they walked to the coffee machine. Ava got her usual mocha, Daisy got 4 espresso shots in one cup, Ava raising an eyebrow.

"What?" Daisy shrugged as she gestured to the door. Ava didn't say anything, following her quietly.

"So, Ace, how was your first ever official examination?" Daisy smirked. Ava thought about the question.

"Fine." Daisy nudged her into elaborating, "I hate my powers. They're a pain and barely functional." She whined, slurping her coffee. 

"There you go." Daisy nodded, "So, the exam went bad?" Ava shook her head.

"It was fine. I just feel super jumpy now." She shrugged, "They're an inconvenience." She settled for. Daisy nodded.

"It's different. For me, I mean. After I got my powers I was forced to learn control, but I was never isolated, or pushed away because of them. Other than by myself." Daisy smiled wryly, "It makes a difference, how you see them, I guess." Ava nodded.

"The first thing S.H.I.E.L.D. did was hide me away. The first thing Ivan did was tie me down." Daisy grimaced.

"God, I'm glad you shot him." Ava laughed, nodding, "And I'm glad you and Nat made up." She added on a slightly more serious note. Ava nodded.

"So am I." She agreed.

"You're joining D.E.L.T.A.?" Daisy checked. Ava smiled slightly in confirmation.

"Barton's staying here, gonna start mentoring. I'm taking his place." Ava could barely hide her excitement, "You know, Nat would love to have you." She pointed out. Daisy let out a half laugh.

"Not for me. I grew up around D.E.L.T.A. I'm not built for that." Ava frowned.

"What's it like?" She asked. Daisy inhaled, trying to think of the best way to phrase it.

"You won't get much down time. But you get higher clearance, more choice over your missions, definitely more respect shield-wide." Daisy listed. Ava wasn't impressed. 

"Don't sugarcoat it." She said bluntly. Daisy nodded.

"You won't see Ed - or anyone but Nat and maybe your handler - for months at a time, ridiculous amount of non-contact ops, highly classified secrets, basically everyone will be scared of you." Daisy summarised. Ava pulled a face.

"What do you mean I'll get more choice over missions?" She asked. Daisy hummed slightly.

"Nat does what Nat wants. That's kinda how D.E.L.T.A. operate, you take ops that interest you both, or S.H.I.E.L.D. risks sending in a 10 man strike team instead." Ava raised an eyebrow.

"I'm supposed to be as good as 5 men?" Daisy laughed.

"Nat's 7. You're 3." Daisy estimated.

"Rude." Ava huffed.

"Hey, back in the day it was more Clint 2 and Nat 8." 

"How're you basically a S.H.I.E.L.D. veteran and also 21?" Ava groaned. 

"I call the deputy director of the most advanced spy agency in the world 'auntie' and I've seen Nick Fury in his pajamas." Daisy said dryly. 

"What were they like?" Ava asked. Daisy grinned.

"He has a Captain America t-shirt that Hill got him a couple years back." Daisy smirked, "And his cat is the cutest little thing, his name is Goose and he's my second choice for a wife after Jemma." She said, only half joking.

"Luna is betrayed."

"Luna is my child. I can't marry a child." Daisy rolled her eyes.

"You're gonna marry Jemma?" Ava asked. 

"Of course." Daisy frowned. She wasn't aware that was even a question. "It's been 10 years, 13 if you count when we were kids. Why wouldn't I marry her?" Ava shrugged.

"Not everyone wants to get married." She said simply, sipping her coffee.

"We've already talked about it. You're gonna be a bridesmaid." Ava laughed.

“Am I indeed?" 

"Yup. You'll wear green, that's your colour." Daisy informed her. 

"Who's gonna be your best man?" She asked. Daisy sighed.

"Can't decide between Ali and Ed. Jemma wants Fitz to be her best man and Bella as her maid of honour, so I guess Ali and Eds will flip a coin." She shrugged.

"Or, to put it simply, Ali isn't a maid." Ava pointed out, "And they'd resent being called one. So, Ali's your best man, Yesha's your maid of honor." 

"They'd definitely jump at the chance at walking down the aisle together as well." Daisy smirked. "You know they planned their wedding out in fourth year?" Daisy told her.

"Fourth year at The Prep?" Ava checked. Daisy nodded.

"Yeah. We were talking about marriage, no idea why, and they decided that if neither of them were married when they were 40 they'd have a wedding just for the sake of tax and insurance." Daisy smiled, "Ed called them her goth girlfriend about 60 times." Ava paused.

"They didn't date?" She confirmed for what felt like the millionth time.

"No. They were just weirdly obsessed with each other. Like Fitzsimmons." Ava sighed.

"I wish I'd known you back then." Daisy shook her head.

"We weren't us back then. You and Eds might not have gotten together, you'd have more goddamn trauma, and you'd have to put up with Fitz and Ed's bi-monthly two week hyperfixation on Star Trek coinciding." Ava frowned.

"What's so bad about that?"

"Nothing. Until they stay up until 4am together obsessing over fan theories, and then both act all surprised when they're tired the next morning." 

"Ah." Ava replied, not quite sure what else to say.

"I'm glad we met you when we did." She smiled.

"I'm just glad I met you." She looked down as she continued, "Sucks that the band's breaking up though." Daisy pulled a face.

"We're not really. Sure, Bella's leaving, but she won't be inaccessible. At least she'll be in one place; you, me, and Eds will constantly be on the go." Daisy warned her, "And don't think there won't be a reunion tour." She grinned as she put in the code for their building, heading upstairs.

* * *

“Looks a little gay to me.” Daisy announced as she walked through, noticing Ali and Jemma snuggled together under a blanket, Jemma coaxing toast into their mouth. Both of the twins groaned at Daisy, Bella flashing her the bird. Ava trailed closely behind her, dumping her coffee cup in the bin before heading through to the bathroom to shower. 

“Quiet or I’ll steal your girl.” Ali groaned, closing their eyes as Daisy turned on the light.

“Like she’d ever let that happen.” Daisy scoffed, winking at Jemma. 

“Turn the light off, Dee.” Bella complained, her voice muffled.

“Why?” Daisy asked chipperly.

“They’re hungover.” Ed said bluntly. Daisy smirked.

“You didn’t invite me?” She asked. Ali raised an eyebrow.

“Your powers are impossible when you’re hungover. Did you not just have an assessment of them?” Ali asked.

“Well sure, but we haven’t gotten drunk together in forever.” Daisy pointed out. Jemma glared at her.

“We’re not supposed to be encouraging this, Daisy.” Daisy shrugged.

“We’re adults, we can do what we want.” Jemma groaned.

“Not when it endangers us or other people.” Jemma recited. Daisy rolled her eyes.

“It’s not like any of us are really advocates for self preservation.” She pointed out, perching on the arm of the sofa.

“That doesn’t mean you should _discourage_ it.”

“Yeah, well, just because you’re so great at taking care of yourself because you stick to some rigid schedule or whatever doesn’t mean we all are.” Daisy half joked, but it fell flat. Jemma looked at her in shock. 

“Time out.” Ali announced, shifting uncomfortably under the blanket, “Intervention time.” They decided.

“Ace, get your arse in here!” Bella called. Ava cursed loudly in Russian, Ed cursed loudly back, the twins both closed their eyes and waited for it to be over. 

Eventually, they were all fully clothed and in one room.

“Okay, you’ve all been impossible since April and I’ve decided to implement a new house rule.” Ali started. Jemma interrupted.

“We’re only going to be here for two more weeks.”

“Precisely. I’d rather not spend them around bickering couples. From now on I kindly ask that you keep both sex and fights behind closed doors." They ordered. Daisy sighed, "Oh, and Dee apologize to Jemma."

"Sorry, Jems." She said quietly. Jemma nodded.

"Jemma you have nothing to apologize for, you have done nothing wrong in your entire life, you're perfect and beautiful and we all adore you. Intervention over. If I had a gavel I'd bang it." Ali nodded decisively, Jemma leaning happily against their shoulder.

"Je t'aime." She smiled into their shoulder. Ali closed their eyes, their head still pounding as Daisy sat down next to them with a huff.

"Who goes first?" Ava asked from where she was curled around Bella.

"Me and Al." Jemma mumbled.

"Shhh, babe, that's a problem for future us." Jemma nodded.

"Understandable. Have a good day." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly idek what this chapter was it was so weird


	70. Yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma and Daisy meet Sasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally just fluff

“Jems, we’re meeting a six year old, not the queen of England.” Daisy said softly as Jemma kept switching her outfit for the next day around.

“I want her to like me.” Jemma said slightly shyly. Daisy smiled, getting up from their desk to stand behind her in the mirror. She was holding up a white short sleeved button up and a slightly ruffled, blue, floral skirt. 

“Whatever you wear you’ll look beautiful. Promise.” Daisy assured her, kissing her head. Jemma hummed in affirmation, scrunching her face up.

“Skirt or shorts?” She asked Daisy lightly. Daisy shrugged.

“Which is comfier?” She asked, taking the shorts from her and holding them up contemplatively.

“Skirt.” Jemma decided.

“Wear that then.” Daisy told her, taking the shorts and folding them back up again.

“What’re you wearing?” Jemma asked as she put the outfit on their dresser. 

“Cross that bridge when we come to it.” Daisy shrugged, “I’ve got training with Nat tomorrow morning, I’ll come by to shower, then they’ll probably be here, right?” Jemma nodded.

“Your dad said to give them some time to get into the flat, he’s cooking.” 

“He’ll probably do a stir fry, fancies it his specialty.” Daisy smiled. It had been too long.

“Are you nervous?” Jemma tilted her head as she perched on the desk. Daisy smirked.

“Surprisingly, yes.” She said definitively. “Never knew a kid could be so scary.” She sighed. “What about you?” Jemma made a face.

“I don’t want to scare her. My head isn’t always a happy place.” She said, looking down.

“I know.” Daisy nodded, sitting next to her, “She’ll be fine though, right?” She asked, for both of their benefits. Jemma nodded.

“I hope so. She shouldn’t have to feel that.” 

“You shouldn’t have to either.” Daisy said gently, her eyes soft. Jemma smiled,

“I know.” She assured her, kissing her quickly before standing up, Daisy’s nerves fluttering in anticipation for tomorrow.

* * *

“Meeting the wee one?” Ali asked as they came through to the living room, both of them radiating anxiousness from where they were practically buzzing on the sofa.

“Yes.” Jemma said slightly tightly. Ed nodded.

“Hey, tell May hi.” She asked. Daisy frowned. 

“I’m right here.” Ed rolled her eyes.

“The other May.” Daisy opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

“We will.” Jemma promised, getting up. “We’ll pack tomorrow.” She told the others. Ed glared daggers at her.

“We’re not allowed to talk about that.” Ali reminded her. Jemma sighed.

“Fine, tomorrow we will, for no reason other than our own entertainment, put most of our possessions into boxes. Just for fun.” Ed nodded.

“Better. Is the little one gonna be at the totally harmless and completely pointless party that is happening in a couple days for absolutely no reason?” Ed asked. Jemma shrugged.

“I don’t think so.” Daisy said, “Maybe for a bit, but I don’t think it’s really for kids. Besides, my mom said she didn’t love crowds.” 

“Mkay. I guess we’ll meet her the day after nothing significant happens?” Daisy smiled sadly.

“Yeah, Eds.” She agreed, “Nothing significant.” Ed nodded, knowing they could all feel her heart aching, knowing they were all ready, feeling inferior because she wasn’t.

“You might see her today I suppose, it depends on how she is with everything.” Jemma suggested as Daisy took her hand, “We really should go.” She sighed as she stood up, Daisy following closely after her.

“Hey, whilst you’re up, toss us the thing.” Ali asked. Daisy raised an eyebrow.

“What thing?” Ali sighed.

“The thing. You know.” They gestured vaguely.

“Wh-?” Daisy looked at them all incredulously as Jemma passed them the remote. “How-?” She puzzled, letting Jemma lead her out of the room.

“Do you have the thing?” Daisy asked as they left, walking into the July heat. Jemma raised an eyebrow.

“Hypocrite. And yes.” She confirmed. “Monkey from Fitz, dragon from us, and as much kids stuff as I could find for your parents.” She nodded. Daisy grinned. Fitz had agreed to give up one of his precious stuffed monkeys for her, and her and Jemma had spent hours online deliberating over which toy to buy her, eventually deciding on a stuffed, fluffy green dragon.

“She’ll love them.” Daisy said happily, squeezing Jemma’s hand and sighing contentedly. Jemma linked their arms, leaning against Daisy’s shoulder as they walked, breathing the day in deeply.

“I wish this didn’t have to end.” She said quietly, looking up at Daisy. She smiled.

“Everything ends.” She said slightly bitterly, her eyes still soft. 

“It’s sad.” Jemma identified, a mixture of melancholiness and hopefulness lacing her tone. 

“And a little bit happy.” Daisy nudged her.

“How the turntables turn.” Jemma smiled, tilting her ching down so she could kiss her, stopping in front of the apartment block where they were staying.

“Ready to meet my sister?” Daisy grinned.

“Absolutely.” Jemma nodded confidently, opening the door.

* * *

"When're th-they gonna b-be here?" Sasha complained as she trailed after May into the kitchen, tugging impatiently on her sleeve.

"Wǒ bù zhīdào, bǎobèi, dàn rúguǒ nǐ zuò xià lái kàn fēi ěr de kǎtōng piàn, wǒ gǎn dǎdǔ tā huì zǒu dé gèng kuài." (I don’t know, treasure, but I bet if you sit down and watch Phil’s cartoons I bet it’ll go faster) May said slightly irritably as she tried to make tea.

"I w-watched t-two _whole_ ep-epi- episodes of She-Ra and th-they're still not here." She followed her around, pointedly ignoring the annoyance in her head. She wanted to meet her sisters, she'd waited long enough. 

"They're 21. 21 year olds are never on time." Phil said calmly as he entered behind them, Sasha hearing him resist the urge to pick her up and put her on the counter. 

"Wh-why would you e-even want to d-do th-that?" She pulled a face at him. He shrugged.

"Beats me. You're a kid." Was all he offered her. Sasha frowned, unsatisfied with his answer. She'd learnt that people generally didn't like her digging for answers to their behavior in their heads though, so she settled with not knowing. She'd found that fitting into society was much harder when you couldn't just read people's minds to find out what they expected from you. That's what she always used to do, but now she felt sort of lost. She knew it was bad, and invasive, and that she should try not to do it, but it was hard, and tiring, and she missed the ease of just searching people's minds.

Coulson and May never discouraged it, of course, other than setting the boundaries that they needed, both for them and for Sasha, but she saw the reaction it got from others. From their neighbors, or people in the supermarket, or even the other girls. It was always best to do, be, say what people wanted, but how could she when she didn’t know what that was. 

"What will th-they want?" She asked as she turned to face Phil, following him instead. 

"You mean from you or of you?" He asked. 

"D-dunno." She didn't know the difference.

"Okay. Well, be yourself with them." He said simply. Sasha groaned.

"How?" She pushed. May rolled her eyes at Phil.

"Hey, are you asking whether you need to pretend with them?" She checked. Sasha nodded. Phil sighed.

"No. You don't. You can be the you that you show to us, it's okay." He told her softly, smiling as she grinned.

"Kay. I want Daff." She decided, basically skipping off to her makeshift room to find her cow. It was a little stuffed cow called Daffodil that Natasha had bought her. She adored the thing, she sucked his ear when she slept, carried him around the house with her. He sat with her for the entire Quinjet ride to Canada.

"Bringing our youngest to our eldest's graduation." May sighed as she said it.

"Never thought this day would come." Phil half joked. May nodded, smiling.

"Daisy's bringing Jemma?" She checked. He nodded. 

"Yup." The door buzzed, "Speaking of which." He muttered as he buzzed them in.

“Sashenka!" May called, "Tāmen zài zhèlǐ!” (They’re here) Sasha hurtled through, Daff clutched tightly in one hand as she bounced on the spot.

"Will th-they like- like Daff?" She asked, jumping up and down. "M-maybe I'll show them J-Jeremy as well." She pondered briefly. Jeremy was her frog. "Will I m-meet Luna?" She asked Phil excitedly. He didn't have a chance to say anything before the bell rang. Sasha stopped moving, collecting herself and standing up straight, sticking her tongue out at May as she thought about how sweet the gesture was.

"Ready?" Phil checked before he opened the door. Sasha took a deep breath, readying herself for the extra noise before nodding.

"Da." She said, knowing they'd want verbal confirmation. He grinned, opening the door to his daughter.

Daisy grinned at him, hugging him tightly, but quickly, before brushing past him, Jemma close behind her. Sasha looked up at them, her face lighting up as she heard them for the first time, their minds both fast and lively, Sasha getting a rush of adrenaline from just being near them. Daisy crouched down in front of her.

"You know who I am?" She asked softly. Sasha nodded slightly shyly. 

"I've s-seen you b-before." She summarized, trying to focus on just Daisy's thoughts despite Jemma's being much more attention grabbing.

"You c-can hug m-me." Sasha told the both of them as she remembered the urge they'd both gotten to do so when they first saw her. Daisy grinned, opening her arms to Sasha, trying not to cry as she felt the child wrap her arms around her back, resting her head on Daisy's shoulder. 

May held Phil's hand as they watched, Jemma crouching next to the pair.

"They're perfect." May whispered.

"We did do good." 

Daisy held Sasha closely, knowing that she could definitely hear her thoughts, directing their minds to the happiest things she knew, hoping she knew that all she wanted, all she'd ever want, was for the kid to be okay. 

"Th-Thank you." Sasha whispered as she nestled into Daisy's neck. Daisy smiled slightly tearily.

"I think Jemma probably wants a go." She whispered back, nodding to her girlfriend, Sasha sniggering as she thought of her as such. She moved all the same, letting Jemma hug her, finding she was much softer, more gentle, less desperate to encapsulate her. Sasha sighed into her, quickly finding that her mind was the complete opposite.

She gasped as Jemma thought in vibrant colours, as numbers and formulae and fiction and film and music and art and  _ life  _ inhabited Jemma's head, almost making Sasha queasy with sensation. 

"Your m-mind," She muttered. Jemma pulled away, her arms still around her, just so she was able to look at her.

"Is it too much?" She asked her softly. 

"It's amazing." Sasha breathed, knowing she could explore Jemma's head for hours. Jemma beamed at Daisy, Sasha feeling her joy as an overwhelming burst of happiness, her emotions so much bolder than most people's.

"Woah." She whispered, looking to May and Coulson. They nodded encouragingly.

"You- I- You're, it's-" Sasha stuttered, still overcome by Jemma's thoughts, their complexity, their interwoven symphonies. She described minds as mazes, Jemma's was layered, infinitely more complex, a puzzle she could spend hours trying to untangle.

Jemma let go of her, Sasha instantly wanting more. She chased her touch, closing her eyes again.

"There are things you shouldn't see." Jemma told her, Sasha opening her eyes to look at her, having learnt that was an expectation.

"T-Tasha?" She remembered, looking to May to fill in for her.

"She saw a brief snippet of you and Ivan in Romanov's head." May supplied. Jemma looked down.

"I'm sorry you saw that." She told her gently. Sasha nodded, desperately wanting to touch her again, the experience overwhelming in a beautiful way. She could feel Jemma's hesitance though, her anxiety, her brain desperately running from whatever happened, trying to protect Sasha.

"You d-don't need to p-protect m-me." Sasha denied.

"I'd do the same for anyone else, love." Jemma cupped her cheek, Sasha sighing at her touch, flushing slightly as she felt the instant adoration Jemma had for her.

“I know.” Sasha nodded, closing her eyes again so she could run around in her head, enthralled by her mind. “You’re l-like me.” She whispered as she realised. Jemma looked up at May and Coulson, who just shrugged.

“Am I?” Jemma asked, unsure what she meant. Sasha just nodded, her eyes lightning up as she looked at her. She looked at Daisy again, hardly able to believe that they were  _ here _ , they were with her, and they were  _ amazing _ . She understood now, why everyone thought of them as they did, because they were incredible, and complicated, and God, were they in love.

“It’s good.” She decided, hugging her again, unable to place what everyone was feeling. Jemma held her close, trying not to cry with relief. She’d been terrified, that she’d scare or, or that she’d be rejected, or that she’d overwhelm her. Instead she was amazing, and colourful, and they were hugging and it was  _ good _ .

“Sasha?” May said softly. The girl turned around to face her, Jemma letting her go. “Did you want to give them their paintings?” Sasha grinned.

“I’ll b-be back.” She said as she all but skipped to her room. Jemma gravitated towards Daisy as they stood up, Daisy hugging her mom as Jemma hugged Coulson.

“You said she was cute, you didn’t say she was the literal treasure of the world.” Daisy whispered as she hugged her. May smirked.

“You like her then?” May checked as they separated.

“Duh.” Daisy nodded, grinning over at Sasha as she ran back through, stopping in front of Daisy and holding a sheet of paper up to her.

“What’s this, xiǎo xīngxīng?” Daisy gasped as she took it, Jemma peering over her shoulder and gasping. It was a painting of a garden, complete with a tree, and bees, and flowers, the colours all outstanding, complementing each other gorgeously. Jemma was the first to react, kneeling down to talk to her, taking the painting from Daisy.

“You’re a very good artist.” She told her. Sasha beamed.

“Th-thank you. I m-made it for you. B-because Daisy likes out- outside and y-you like the summer.” She said shyly. 

“Yeah? What do you like?” Jemma asked, sitting down next to her, Daisy collecting herself and joining them on the floor. Sasha thought for a second, distracted by the lure of Jemma’s head.

“I like…” She trailed off, still trying to think for herself, “I like to p-paint.” She decided.

“You’re very good at it.” Daisy assured her, looking at the painting again.

“I l-like colours t-too.” She told them, getting more comfortable as she became familiar with how they sounded.

“What’s your  _ favourite _ ?” Jemma asked her, her eyes darting up to Phil and May, Phil filming proudly, May perched on a counter as she watched them carefully.

“I l-like yellow.” Jemma grinned.

“I like yellow as well.” 

“I  _ know _ .” Sasha reminded her. Jemma laughed.

“I bet you do.” 

“Daisy l-likes pur- Daisy likes purple.” Sasha nodded to her. Daisy looked at her almost nervously.

“Do you?” She asked, utterly astounded at how good Jemma was with kids. Sasha hummed thoughtfully.

“I like y-your pur- your purple.” She decided as she focused on Daisy, “S-sometimes it’s t-too…” She frowned, “Th-there’s a word.” She looked to Jemma.

“Loud?” Jemma offered. Sasha shook her head. 

“Too intrusive.” May filled in. Sasha nodded.

“Yeah. Th-that.” She agreed.

“What’s my purple?” Daisy pushed. 

“Pretty. But strong. L-like this.” Sasha pointed to a rich purple violet she’d painted for one of the flowers. Daisy smiled, and so Sasha did too.

“What about Jem?” She asked. Sasha sighed. 

“I’d have t-to l-look.” She said, almost asking permission. Jemma looked around everyone anxiously, wanting someone to tell her what to do. No one did, so she nodded her consent.

“Don’t go too deep.” She asked before she let Sasha touch her. Sasha looked at her in question.

“H-how do you kn-know th-that?” She gasped, getting excited. She’d never been understood quite like this before. Jemma took a deep breath.

“Science stuff.” She settled for. Sasha wasn’t satisfied. “Okay, the human mind is a complex thing, you know?” Sasha nodded, “You can see inside it. Not like how Maximoff can, that’s neuroelectric interfacing, that’s an enhancement, what you can do is innate, biological. You can enter people’s mind, their thoughts, their knowledge, their feelings. Some will be deeper than others, whereas some may be at the surface, which is why I said not to go too deep.” She explained for everyone else’s benefit. “Do you understand?” She asked Sasha.

“No. B-but I don’t really c-care.” Jemma laughed.

“Understandable.” She offered her hands, Sasha took them, unable to stop her heart racing as she felt the same thrill that she’d gotten before from the surface of her mind. 

“Green. Mostly, a bit of yellow.” She decided, letting go. 

“So what, it’s like your aura?” Daisy asked. Jemma rolled her eyes.

“No.” Her and Sasha both said. 

“It- It’s just how I s-see it.” She shrugged.

“It’s an interpretation.” Jemma supplied. 

“Right.” Daisy nodded as Sasha leaned against Jemma, Jemma crossing her legs so Sasha could sit in her lap. 

“She th-thinks we’re c-cute.” Sasha whispered to Jemma, tilting her chin back to look at her.

“Does she indeed?” Jemma teased, looking over at Daisy with bright eyes, her and Sasha imitating each other’s expression. Daisy pretty much melted at the sight.

“Now she’s th-thinking about you.” She told her quietly, smiling softly. “You m-make her happy.” Sasha nodded. “And she makes you happy.” Everyone stopped talking for a second. She looked around nervously.

“You’re okay.” Jemma assured her, Sasha turning to face her, unsure why everyone looked so sad all of a sudden.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” She asked them all.

“Nothing, xiǎo xīngxīng, we’re happy.” Daisy promised her.

“I know th-that, but why’re you c-crying?” She fidgeted, feeling everyone’s emotions take their toll on her.

“You want me to show you?” Jemma asked her suddenly. Sasha nodded.

“Keep it PG.” May called. 

“As though I wouldn’t.” Jemma replied, “Okay, we’re gonna go back to 2009.” Jemma told Daisy, who had to wipe her tears. Coulson stopped filming leaning in to listen to Jemma's story.

“I met Daisy on a sticky carpet in a primary school, you see that?” She asked Sasha as she pulled the memory forward. Sasha nodded, so Jemma continued. “We both  _ loved _ the stars, their mythology, their beauty. Our favourite is Ophiuchus,”

“Something bright and beautiful.” Sasha muttered. Daisy choked out a laugh,

“Exactly.” Jemma agreed, showing her a cold night, wrapped in coats, hot chocolate held tight in their hands, gazing up at the sky as they took in the universe before them, Sasha shivering involuntarily. “Now, after 6 months, Daisy had to go away.” Sasha gasped as she saw them say goodbye, as she felt Jemma’s grief, her isolation, her emptiness, “Sorry.” Jemma muttered.

“S fine.” Sasha said lazily, loving the vividness of Jemma’s memories.

“It was okay though, we met again.” She showed her their first day at the prep, Sasha leaping at the chance to see the others.

“Bobbi.” She gasped in delight as she saw her, 17 years old,  _ so _ different to who Nat knew.

“You know her?” Jemma frowned.

“Talia does.” Sasha hummed. Jemma smirked at Daisy, before getting back to her story.

“See, we were happy once we were together.” She showed her days by the lake, and movie nights with their friends, “We were good for each other.”

“You s-still are.” Sasha pointed out.

“Oh, there’s more.” May half laughed. Daisy looked at her pointedly, so she stopped talking.

“We both started to realise that we liked girls instead of boys when we were about 13?” She looked at Daisy for confirmation, she just nodded.

“Like Spinnerella and Netossa.” Daisy gasped.

“You like She-Ra?” She exclaimed, instantly excited.

“I like Bow.” Sasha opened her eyes to grin at her, “You like Glimmer.” 

“I like Scorpia and Entrapta, back to the story,” Jemma interrupted, “Things were harder once I knew I liked girls.” Sasha nodded in agreement.

“You were scared.” 

“I was.” She showed her the day Bobbi got shot, crying in the bathroom with Fitz, realising she was in love with her best friend.

“Y-You love her t- too.” Sasha frowned, not opening her eyes.

“Yup.” Daisy nodded.

“So why d-did- why didn’t you d-date?” Sasha scrunched her face up.

“Teenage awkwardness.” May supplied. Sasha nodded, nudging Jemma to continue.

“We became friends again, obviously, but then Hydra happened.” Jemma had to actively block her thoughts from pain, and fear, and heartbreak, worried that if Sasha went any deeper she’d find them.

“Careful.” Phil said lightly. Jemma nodded.

“I got hurt, but it meant that Daisy and I finally got together.” Jemma summarised, looking over at Daisy. Sasha opened one eye.

“What h-happened?” 

“No.” May said firmly. Sasha stuck her tongue out. Giving Jemma puppy eyes.

“Yeah, no.” Jemma agreed.

“Just words?” Sasha asked Daisy, noting how her eyes darted up to her mom. 

“She was shot. Like Bobbi was.” Daisy told her bluntly. Sasha gasped, turning to Jemma.

“You were?” Her eyes were wide.

“Twice, actually,” Jemma corrected, slightly confused by the awe in Sasha’s eyes.

“I d-don’t th-think it’s cool, I just th-think you’re good.” She told her, settling into her chest. Jemma took the hint,

“We went to The Academy after that, obviously, but a lot of bad things still happened. One of our friends died, then Ivan, then more death, which is why it means a lot that we’re happy.” Sasha got brief glimpses of each event, Lincoln and Bella smiling, Bella and Jemma in the van (the least traumatic memory from that incident she could summon), Hunter’s funeral.

“Bella.” Sasha muttered. 

“She’s our friend.”

“Sister.” Sasha corrected instinctively, “Same as Ed, and Bobbi, and Ali.” Jemma beamed,

“You as well now.” She reminded her.

“Really?” Sasha asked her.

“Of course.” Jemma nodded, holding her close. “Sestry.”  _ Sisters _ . She assured her.

“Moi sestry.” Sasha echoed, testing it out, the sound, the feeling. “Zheltye.” She decided. Jemma looked at Daisy.

“Yellow.” She translated.

“Zheltye.” Jemma echoed. 

* * *

"Back by 9." May said sternly. Daisy rolled her eyes, 

"Yeah, mom, I know." She said for about the 6th time since her mom had agreed to let them take Sasha out. She was sitting happily on Jemma's hip, Daff clutched in one hand, eyes closed happily as she focused on Jemma's thoughts, the constant music entertaining her slightly.

"Take care of each other." Phil smiled as he closed the door, much to Melinda's dismay. 

"They'll be fine. How much damage can they really do in three hours?" He half joked. May raised an eyebrow.

"It's _Daisy_." 

"Fair."

* * *

"I like th-that one." Sasha decided as she pointed up at the sky, thousands of stars dancing above them. They were laying side by side in a field, Jemma telling them both about the stars i a soft voice.

"Which one?" Jemma frowned.

"That one." Sasha said again, pointing to the sky. Daisy laughed.

"That one?" Jemma asked, pointing to Spica, the brightest star in Virgo.

"Da." Sasha nodded. "What d-does it m-mean?" She asked. Jemma sighed.

"The star itself is supposed to mean you're philosophical, eloquent, artistic. Well, that's what Ptomely said anyway." 

"Ptomely." Sasha said slowly.

"Old Greek dude." Daisy supplied. "Liked the stars." 

"Like you?" Sasha gasped. Jemma laughed.

"Sure." She nodded.

"What about Virgo?" She asked.

"That represents the Greek goddess Astraea. Ed could probably tell you more, but her myth is about sisterhood, and justice." 

"Sestry." Sasha repeated. Jemma smiled.

"Da. Sestry." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	71. We'll Do Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduation and a dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no CWs, but whilst i was editing this i realised that Maximoff comes before May in the alphabet, so technically wanda and daisy graduated in the wrong order, but hey-ho

“So, hi.” Ali said as they stood up to the microphone, moving back as there was feedback. “I had cards, um,” They swallowed as they looked out over the hall, their classmates to their left, rows of parents in front of them. They met Bobbi’s eyes, she nodded encouragingly. They took a deep breath.

“I had cards, but I don’t think they can quite sum up the past 10 years with sheets of paper.” That got a bit of a laugh. “I started in S.H.I.E.L.D. when I was 11, wee little thing, probably too smart for my own good.” They chuckled slightly, already feeling the tears coming. “Before S.H.I.E.L.D. I was happy. I was okay, I had my sister, and our little world. Then, on the seventh of September 2012, everything changed.” They looked over at Bella, who was already crying, tears falling fast down her cheeks.

“But hey, you don’t want to hear about my childhood. The past five years have been an… adventure.” They started, “And I guess, being Valedictorian, I’m the one best suited to tell the story.” They caught Hill’s eye, the new Director beaming proudly. Fury had stepped down, Hill had taken over S.H.I.E.L.D.. The organisation was changing, probably for the better.

“So, I’ll take you back. Me, my friends, our first day at The Academy. We were 16, it’d barely been 9 months since Hydra, so hardly bright eyed and bushy tailed, but you get the idea.” They looked up at the crowd, “We were kids. We’ve grown up.” They heard everyone’s breath catch, and smirked slightly. "Who we were back then, we were younger, definitely not innocent, not brighter, but we didn't know what we would become, who we were." They nodded at Jemma, returning her tearful smile.

“My years here have taught me a lot of things. The first, and most important lesson, was never to trust Edie Morse with a phone charger, but I assume that isn’t applicable to most of you,” They looked at Ed and smiled, “The second was that this, S.H.I.E.L.D, it’s so much more than a spy organisation. S.H.I.E.L.D., gave me a family, a home, a place to grow up. It can be messy, and unfair, and tough, there was loss, and pain, and I realise I’m  _ really _ not selling it,” Some of the audience laughed, mostly agents who knew exactly what they were talking about, “But truly, I owe everything to S.H.I.E.L.D..” They looked at Hill, nodding at her.

“Third,” They sighed, tilting their chin up, “When you find something you love, you  _ fight _ for it.” They looked at Daisy, beaming at her through both of their tears. “I started in S.H.I.E.L.D. at 11 years old, a curious, slightly cocky bio major, I’m graduating at 21, an honorary comms graduate with significantly more trauma.” That one got a proper laugh, making Ali grin.

“So, to sum up the impossible, whether we’re staying or going, Ops, Comms or Sci-tech, I’ll always consider this my family. I’d like to present the S.H.I.E.L.D.. academy class of 2023.” They joined Bella at the side of the stage, taking her hand.

“Nice speech, Valedictorian.” She teased. Ali rolled their eyes,

“Whatever.” They muttered, wiping away their tears. 

“Thank you, Doctor O’Connor.” Maria said as she stood up to the podium, applause dying out.

“First of all, a moment of silence for the students we lost, students who should’ve graduated today. Lincoln Campbell and Pietro Maximoff.” Maria bowed her head, Ali squeezing Bella’s hand. Daisy wished she could wrap an arm around Jemma, but the alphabet was very inconsiderate, so she was next to Wanda and some guy. She took her hand, Wanda smiling at her slightly, nodding in thanks, all of them looking slightly ridiculous in their robes and mortarboards.

“They were taken from us too soon. But, as Doctor O’Connor was saying, there was loss. That’s the life we chose, they chose, some of you chose. It’s a lesson, and I’m sorry they had to learn it so early.” She addressed the kids, nodding to Bella and Wanda. “I give this speech every year, for countless kids, countless graduating classes, but I can say with some confidence that these kids are something special.” She smiled down at Sasha, her heart warming at the look of awe on her face. 

“The things I’ve seen from everyone on this stage, all 59 of you, from boys with demons in their heads, to 16 year olds with multiple PhDs. You’re all incredible kids, and I couldn’t be happier to introduce the new generation of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. So, let’s get this show on the road.” She beamed, 

“Omolara Amina, graduating from Sci-Tech,” Maria started, gesturing for her to join her, handing her a certificate and her badge, shaking her hand. 

May watched with pride as she saw the kids become agents, practically feeling Clint’s proud smile as Lila graduated top of the Comms academy, taking her certificate and badge, grinning down at them all. He gave Kate a thumbs up and a wink as she walked across the stage, taking her place next to Lila, slightly disappointed, but unsurprised to see that her parents weren’t there.

America graduated top of the Enhanced program, kissing Kate’s cheek as she stood next to her, 

“New adventures, right?” Kate whispered.

“Right, princess.” Mac smirked, turning her attention to the stage where Oksana was getting their Comms certificate, fist bumping them as they joined her.

Fitz was the first of the original 6 to graduate. He joined Maria with whoops following him, Jemma watching him become an agent from her place next to Zhang, feeling slightly ridiculous next to him, a 5’4” English girl next to a powerhouse.

He waited impatiently for Daisy to join him, watching as she graduated from Sci-tech, Ops and Comms, Maria holding her for a bit longer.

“You did good, kid.” She whispered, winking at her as she handed her a certificate and an envelope. “There’s a letter, it’s sappy.” She smiled, handing Daisy her badge. She nodded, swallowing thickly.

“Thanks.” She whispered, sniffling. Maria nodded her away, calling Wanda up. Daisy ran her finger over the cool metal, transfixed by the way it gleamed, smiling down at it. She took Fitz’s hand, desperately trying not to cry.

“I hate endings.” Fitz nodded, rubbing his thumb over hers.

“Same.” He agreed. Daisy smiled wetly over at her family, Jemma, her mom, her dad, Sasha. Sasha grinned back at her, rocking backwards and forwards happily.

“Edie Morse, graduating top of the Ops academy.” Maria called, Bobbi, Nat and Clint whooping loudly.

“I heard what you did, you know.” Maria told her as she handed her a badge. “For S.H.I.E.L.D., for your friends. Thank you.” Ed nodded.

“All in a day’s work, right?” She joked. Maria shook her head.

“No. It shouldn’t have been. You did good. You’re gonna do good.” She assured her, passing her a certificate, Ed’s heart heavy as she took it, hugging Daisy as she joined her.

“You and me, right?” Ed chuckled. Daisy nodded.

“We’ll do better.” Daisy decided fiercely. 

“I’ll miss this.” Ed whispered. 

“Me too.” Daisy agreed, kissing her cheek before letting go of her. “Graduate suits you.” She smiled.

“Flirt.” Ed rolled her eyes, before adding, “Ditto.” 

Ali, Bella and Ava came consecutively, Ava kissing Ed happily, all light and smiles, Sasha humming to herself as she felt her joy. This was the first chance she’d gotten to see all of them, it was exciting for her.

“Jemma Simmons, graduating top of Sci-Tech.” Maria announced, handing her a certificate and a badge. “That’s impressive.” She raised an eyebrow, “All things considered.” Jemma nodded.

“10 years of an almost perfect GPA, not going to let a life endangering severely traumatic event set me back.” Jemma joked. Maria smiled, nodding.

“Congratulations." She said. Jemma smiled again,

"It's an honour." She beamed, joining Daisy with a quick kiss, hugging her.

"I love you." Jemma told her quietly, unable to find any other words to sum it all up, to sum up 10 years together, with this family, closing her eyes as tears leaked out. Daisy held her close, kissing her neck.

"I love you too." Because there were no words. They'd been together for years, and this was an ending. Not the end, but an ending. 

* * *

"Agent May. Agent Simmons." Fitz grinned as he sat at their table, looking handsome in his suit, his eyes sparkling. 

“Agent Fitz." Daisy grinned, sitting up as he joined them, kicking her heels off under the table. They were at the weirdly formal after party the comms graduates had thrown, Jemma zoning out next to her, which was understandable given the din.

"Oh, hi, Fitz." Jemma smiled as Daisy nudged her. "How're you doing?" She asked, slightly concerned. The change and the scene, it wasn't comfortable. 

"I'm okay actually. Met you sister," He told Daisy, "Wants us to install H.E.N.R.Y. for her." He grinned. 

"We'll go down there soon, all three of us. Visit The Prep as well." Daisy decided. "You guys will probably get to lecture." Jemma gasped.

"Oh, Fitz, that would be wonderful! We could tell them about the Compiler theory, and your thesis regarding aero engineering and chemical advancement, and-" Daisy raised her eyebrows.

"You mean the 11 year olds?" Jemma rolled her eyes, before gasping again.

"Fitz, what if they study one of our papers, or studies?" Her eyes lit up as she talked about science.

"Hey, our bio-fuel theory would fit in nicely with their third year curriculum." He pointed out, leaning forward. Jemma nodded excitedly.

"We could tell them about our bugs, or your Zephyr designs." Jemma continued. Fitz blushed as Daisy frowned.

"Zephyr? God of the west wind?" 

"He's designed a new plane, it's awfully clever." 

"It's a proposal, speculation, really." He shrugged. 

"Don't be modest, Fitz. It's incredible, Daisy, you'd love it." Jemma continued, Daisy and Fitz sharing a smile as she chattered away happily. Everything was changing. They never would. 

* * *

"May I have this dance?" Ali asked Ed as they offered her their hand. Ed excused herself from her conversation with Hill and Bobbi, taking Ali's hand.

"Of course." Ed beamed, brushing her hair behind her shoulder, feeling slightly self conscious in her dress. She was wearing a light purple floor length dress with a slit down one of the sides, her heels placing her at around 6'3".

“Are you okay?” Ali asked her as they danced, feeling a surge of confidence, because why wouldn't they? They were dancing with a 6 foot goddess, and they looked incredible in their suit, the blue blazer and trousers contrasting the red in their hair.

"No. Are you?" She asked, smiling slightly.

"I don't think so." They agreed. "But hey, at least we're hot." Ed laughed.

"Well I don't think that was ever in question darling." She teased, twirling Ali. 

"You know we'll still be a family?" Ali asked as they spun into her. Ed sighed.

"I know. I'll just miss you. And this, The Academy. It was good." She said sadly. Ali nodded.

"I'll miss it. Aren't you excited though?" They asked, "New adventures?" 

"I can do both. It's exciting, it's also terrifying." She settled for, "And I can't imagine what it's gonna be like for Bells." Ali's stature tightened as she mentioned it. Ed noticed, "Lishka?" She pushed. Ali sighed.

"I know she needs to go. I know that S.H.I.E.L.D. has been awful to her, but it was supposed to be us, you know? The O'Connors. And now we're never gonna work together again." Ali stressed. Ed nodded.

"I know." She sighed, "Sorry, there's no real upside to this one. It was supposed to be us, and it's not, and that sucks." She wondered if they were already feeling the same hole where Bella was supposed to be, the year she left in their realities. Obviously she was barely 15 meters away, chattering away with Bobbi and Kara, but it already felt like they'd lost her. "She's leaving S.H.I.E.L.D. though, not us." Ed reminded them both for what felt like the millionth time.

"I know. Doesn't make it suck any less." 

"I know." Ed looked over at Daisy and Fitzsimmons, laughing together. They'd always have each other, they'd always be the original trio, they'd always be the same kids they were when they were together. They couldn't seem to know that not everyone has that, that Ed's trio was losing someone, and much as that hurt Daisy and Jemma, they'd never know, because they'd never lose him. They'd always have each other, they'd always come back, and Ed felt a pang of jealousy, coursing through her rapidly, because how come they got to keep each other when her family fell apart?

* * *

Natasha leaned against the wall next to Bobbi, tracing her gaze to a fixed point on the horizon. They were outside, the July night still, humid, crickets chirping and leaves rustling in a soft breeze.

"You didn't know me then." Bobbi said, not looking at her. "When I graduated. I was only 18, it was back when they only had the three year enrolment. I don't think you'd have liked me." She pondered. Nat didn't say anything, just listened.

"I was arrogant. Thought I was unkillable, an overexcited kid too eager to see the world." Bobbi laughed a little, "So eager I almost got myself killed." She shook her head at herself. "And I was always the arrogant one. I was always the one who got hurt on mission, I was always the one who took the leaps. And I don't want that for her." Bobbi whispered, almost guiltily. 

"I don't either." Nat sighed. Bobbi looked at her, and so she continued, "She's too much like us already, like a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Too willing to put a symbol before herself." Nat said quietly. 

"I just don't want her getting herself killed at 21. I can't lose her too." Bobbi shook her head, still looking out into the distance. "God, how did this happen?" She half laughed, "They're all grown up." Her voice broke, "I was the one who brought them all into S.H.I.E.L.D., I was there at the beginning, walking them all up to their dorm for the first time. I've been here, and I've watched them grow up, and they're incredible, but God, they're young." Nat wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into her side,

"They're gonna be okay." She told her softly, leaning her head on her shoulder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	72. This Was Never Meant To Last Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter.

Daisy sighed as she sat down next to Jemma, letting the lawn’s calm vibrations relax her.

"Wee thing's with your parents?" Ali checked. Daisy nodded.

"Sasha loves her. And we can hardly keep a cat on a spy base. Or in a penthouse suite." Daisy raised an eye at Bella, who ignored her, playing with Fitz's hair as he laid with his head in her lap. "You're all welcome to visit, obviously." Jemma hummed in agreement, leaning her head against Daisy's shoulder.

"Goes without saying, really." Jemma pointed out, nuzzling into Daisy's neck and smiling as she squirmed.

"If anyone says anything sentimental I will lose my shit." Ed warned. Ava laughed, leaning back into her where she was sitting in her lap.

"No, silly, the sentimentality comes later." Ali rolled their eyes, grinning over at Ed, both of them breaking a little.

"Can't wait." Ed said dryly. Ava rolled her eyes.

"You're a sap." She sighed, tucking her head under Ed's chin.

"Says the one who cries at every goddamn movie ever." Daisy scoffed. 

"Did you not cry at Toy Story?" Jemma mumbled into her neck. Daisy rolled her eyes.

“Different times, Jem.” 

“I meant last week.” Jemma smiled as Daisy rolled her eyes, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Did you watch Toy Story without me?” Ava gasped. 

“You were out!” Daisy defended. 

“We’ll watch as much Toy Story as you want.” Ed assured her, making Ava giggle as she poked her sides.

“When?” Ava whispered. Ed stopped.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about that.” She reminded her. Ali sighed.

“Eds.” They said blankly, “We’re literally waiting for the call to leave.” Ed shook her head.

“Nah.” She refused, “We do this all the time. Sit on the lawn in the evening, nothing special about today.” She recited, ignoring Ali’s eye roll and pulling Ava closer to her, closing her eyes.

“Ty v poryadke?” (Are you okay?) Ava asked quietly. Ed just held her tighter, wishing she never had to let go.

“Net, milaya,” She whispered, “YA ne dumayu chto ya.” (No, I don’t think I am) She admitted. Ava nodded, 

“Eto normalno.” (That’s okay) Daisy reminded her, startling Jemma slightly, “I ya net.” (I’m not either). She smiled over at Ed, nodding in alliance.

“You’re not?” Jemma asked, pulling away to look her in the eye.

“When the hell did you learn Russian?” Ed exclaimed, looking at Jemma incredulously. She just shrugged.

“I didn’t. Not on purpose. I just sort of guess little snippets. And you were all using a lot of negatives.” Daisy raised an eyebrow.

“Alright. Well, I’m not. Are you?” She asked. Jemma shook her head.

“No, I don’t think so.” She said carefully, looking at Bella and Fitz. “You’ve been quiet.” Fitz opened an eye to look at her.

“S’alright.” He shrugged, frowning as Bella stopped playing with his hair.

“Nah.” She shrugged, “It’s not.” She sighed. “I’m sorry.” She told all of them suddenly, Fitz looking up at her in surprise. If he’d known they were going to be sappy then he wouldn’t have come. He hated crying people.

“What for?” Jemma frowned, shifting so she was sitting cross legged.

“I don’t want to leave-” She started, ignoring Ed as she sighed, closing her eyes and burying her face in Ava’s neck, “-I don’t, I promise. But I can’t do this, can’t stay in S.H.I.E.L.D..” She said firmly. 

“I know.” Fitz scrunched his nose, “I thought we’d done this already?” He asked, sitting up so she could see everyone.

“We have.” Daisy nodded, “But it’s all seeming slightly too real now.” She told him. He nodded.

“Well we’ll still see you, right? We can’t just stop.” He reasoned, laying back in the grass. Bella nodded.

“Of course.” Bella said quietly.

“Then I really don’t see what all the fuss is about.” He said simply, looking over to Ed and Ava, Ed’s face still hidden. 

Of course he didn’t understand. He wasn’t losing a sister, a home, he still had his people.

“It’s different, Fitzy.” Ali said sadly. He hummed in agreement.

“I know. You’re all close or whatever, wee Morse is terrified of change, Al’s probably angry, but you really don’t need to be.” He said simply. Bella choked.

“When the feck did you get all observant?” Bella asked. 

“Come on, Bella, it doesn’t take a genius.” Daisy pointed out. “Ed is literally hiding.” Ed stuck her middle finger up in the vague direction of Daisy’s voice, letting Ava take her hand. “You and Ali haven’t even talked about it.”

“Yeah. We have.” Ali told them all, avoiding Bella’s eye as they pulled grass out of the ground, “I was the first one she told. And I’m not angry.” They defended as Daisy raised an eyebrow at them, “I’m not. We’re leaving, growing up, this was never gonna be forever.” Ed felt tears gather in her eyes at Ali’s words, whimpering slightly. Ava squeezed her hand, rubbing a thumb over hers.

“We’re still a family. We’re still gonna see each other. And she needs to go.” Ali still didn’t look up, knowing Bella hated being spoken about as though she wasn’t there, but lacking the courage or composure to look her in the eye.

“This is old news.” Daisy sighed, closing her eyes, “We’re gonna be okay. All of us.” Jemma took her hand, Daisy smiling slightly tearfully. 

“And you promise to call?” Bella sniffled, laughing slightly as tears started to fall.

“Actually, I’ve been tinkering.” Fitz remembered, sitting up and reaching for his backpack, tossing them a small box each. Bella opened hers curiously, pulling out a small disc shaped piece of tech, looking to Fitz in question.

“You did it?” Jemma gasped as she inspected it.

“Aye.” He beamed,

“What is  _ it _ ?” Ali asked, tossing the disk backwards and forwards between their hands.

“It’s a hologram projection long distance imaging… thing.” He explained. “They’re all linked, should work internationally.” He beamed.

“Tony’s gonna have a field day with this.” Bella muttered as she studied it. Fitz raised an eyebrow, before continuing.

“It’ll make it seem like we’re in the room together, you know? I’ve been playing around with VR, AI, that sort of thing, but this was more of a quick fix.” He explained. “So, it’ll make FaceTime slightly more interesting. And uh, please don’t let Iron Man tear it apart.” He asked Bella. “I’d rather Big Evil Corporation didn’t capitalise off it.” Bella grinned.

“Of course, Fitzy. Thank you.” She beamed, hugging him, trying not to cry as she felt him wrap his arms around her, settling on her shoulder.

“I will miss you.” He said quietly, slightly disgruntledly. 

“I know. I’ll miss you too. Best lab partner I could’ve asked for.” She laughed. He nodded.

“Love you, you Irish git.” He sniffled slightly as he pulled away, laughing as she offered her Fitz, wrapping his around it. 

“Love you too, wee Scottish bastard.” She laughed, hugging him again. Bella’s phone buzzed, and so they pulled apart, letting her read the text.

“I have to go.” She said after a beat, looking up at all of them. Daisy was the first to react, tackling her into a hug, both of them kneeling as Daisy held her close.

“I’ll see you soon?” Daisy asked hoarsely. Bella nodded.

“Promise.” Bella laughed, wiping her eyes with her hand as Daisy let go, laughing wetly. Daisy stood up, offering Bella a hand, squeezing it gently. 

“This isn’t goodbye.” Daisy assured them both.

“Feels like one.” Jemma said as she stood up, hugging Bella. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“So am I.” Bella replied, wrapping her arms around Jemma’s waist, resting her head on her shoulder.

“Take care of yourself.” Jemma reminded her. Bella laughed a little.

“Of course, Jems.” She promised, pulling away as she sighed, avoiding looking at Ed and Ali.

“Hey, Ace.” She whispered, Ava extracting herself from Ed’s hold as she stood up, Ed looking down as she felt tears fall.

“Hey.” Ava smiled, “I uh, Wanda and I, we got you this.” She handed her a box, Bella opening it to find a necklace with a tiny sunflower hanging off the chain. “We don’t really know mythology like you guys, but sunflowers turn to face the sun. It’s sappy, I know.” She laughed as Bella hugged her.

“I’ll see you soon.” Bella promised, feeling Ava nod. “And Ava?” She asked.

“Yeah?” Ava said weakly, hating how small her voice was.

“Take care of her.” Ava nodded.

“Of course.” Ava kissed her cheek, stepping away to leave Ed, Ali and Bella alone. 

Ed stood up, wiping her tears frustratedly. She looked at the ground, feeling as though the world might collapse around her. Bella took her hand, tilting her chin up.

“Thank you.” She said as Ed cried, wiping her tears away and cupping her cheek. “For everything.” Ed wrapped her arms around Bella, pulling her close, heart breaking all over again as she thought of how many times they’d done this, held each other through the pain, how they might never do it again.

“I love you.” Ed said through her tears. 

“I love you too.” Bella said, knowing that for sure. She loved Ed, and Ali, they were her sisters, her family, but she thought she could bear it, bear losing them for the benefit of herself. Maybe she was wrong.

“You can do it.” Ed assured her, “You'll be amazing.” Bella nodded, more tears falling.

“I wish I didn’t have to.” Bella repeated, this one holding too much weight for 6 words to bear. 

“So do I, Bee.” Ed agreed, her voice shaking as she pulled her closer, both of them crying into the other’s shoulder, Bella feeling Ed shaking in her arms.

“I should go.” Bella whispered, not moving. Ed sighed, letting go of her.

“Good luck.” Ed laughed shakily as she spoke.

“You too, Morse.” Bella nodded, hugging her again before looking at Ali.

“You’ll call?” They asked numbly.

“Of course I will, idiot. Come here.” She tugged them into a hug, Ali wrapping their arms around her, closing their eyes as they tried not to think about what they’d been through together, the silly afternoons at The Prep to fighting on a roof; from nervous eleven year olds walking the grounds for the first time together, to crying twenty-one years olds, terrified to move on.

“Just call.” Ali sniffled. “Please.”    
  


“This won’t be like last time, I  _ promise. _ ” She whispered, sighing, “I’ll always be your sister.” 

“Always.” Ali nodded, sighing, before letting her go. Bella sighed, turning to address everyone.

“I love you all.  _ So much _ . Thank you for being my family.” She said before turning to go, Ed pulling Ali into her side, watching their sister walk away, waving one last time as she entered the reception, opening the door with a heavy heart, leaving her home, her family, leaving her trauma, her misery, both heavy and infinitely lighter, tears still pouring down her face.

Ed kissed Ali’s head as they both cried, pulling them into her chest, Daisy watching as they cried, letting Jemma hug her, feeling her bury her head in her chest.

“I thought I said no one should get sentimental.” Ed sniffled. Ali looked up at her.

“You said if anyone did you’d lose your shit.” Ali grinned. Ed rolled her eyes.

“I see you’re back.”

“Never left. Although, I do need to go soon.” 

“I know.” Ed’s voice broke. “Just stay for a minute.” She asked. Ali nodded.

“Of course.”

They found themselves sitting back on the grass, peaceful under a tree as tears dried, limbs intertwined, heads light and hearts heavy.

“God, who died?” Natasha asked as she approached, motorcycle helmet tucked under her arm, leather jacket on her shoulders.

“Bella’s gone.” Daisy said heavily, looking up at Natasha from where she was sitting with Fitz and Jemma’s head in her lap.

“Oh. That sucks.” Nat said awkwardly. “Vashka, it’s time.” She told Ava. Ava nodded.

“Where to?” She asked as she sat up.

“Classified.” Nat winked, “Reception in 2 minutes, give you time for… whatever.” Nat gestured vaguely as she left.

“I’ll see you when you get back.” Ed told her confidently, kissing her with a smile, cupping her cheek. “You’re gonna do amazing.” Ed whispered as she leaned her forehead against Ava’s. 

“Love you.” Ava kissed her again before standing to leave, surprised by the familiar feeling of a quake rushing through her.

“You can’t just leave without saying goodbye.” Daisy rolled her eyes, standing up to hug her, leaving a very grumpy Fitzsimmons.

“Good luck, malenkaya sestra.” Daisy muttered as she hugged her, Ava grinning as they pulled away.

“I’ll tell you about it when I come back.” She beamed, practically skipping after Nat. Ed shook her head affectionately as she left.

“We should probably go.” Ali told Fitzsimmons, standing up. Ed looked up at them all, accepting Ali’s hand.

“No tearful goodbyes?” She asked hopefully.

“You’ll see us tomorrow.” Ali assured her, hugging her all the same. They were all going to the same place, just The Hub, but they were in different divisions, and they all had different orientations, and apartments.

“See you tomorrow.” Ed said softly as she let them go.

“Fitz.” Ed nodded, offering her fist. He wrapped his hand around it, before hugging her.

“See you around.” He mumbled. Ed nodded.

“Absolutely.” He followed Ali, leaving Daisy, Jemma and Ed.

“Don’t be a stranger.” Jemma warned as Ed hugged her, Jemma standing on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around her neck.

“Hey, I’ll probably be knocking on y’all’s door at 3am demanding tea.” Ed joked. 

“Always welcome.” Daisy shrugged, “Although we will probably see more of each other than we already do.” Daisy pointed out, “And you live down the corridor from me.”

“We start training tomorrow.” Ed nodded. Jemma sighed.

“I really should go.” Daisy nodded, hugging her.

“You’re okay?” She whispered.

“Terrified. You?” 

“Terrified.” Daisy grinned, kissing her before letting her go, watching them all leave. She looked at Ed.

“We’re not losing them, you know.” Daisy tried, but Ed laughed.

“Yeah. We are. We’re losing breakfasts together, and movie nights, and exam season. We’re losing our childhoods.” Ed said numbly. Daisy took her hand, squeezing it.

“This was never meant to last forever.” She said hoarsely, looking up at Ed.

"I hate endings." 

"How do you feel about beginnings?" Daisy asked.

"Pretty good." Ed decided.

"Then that's what this is. A beginning." Ed smiled.

"A beginning." She echoed, watching the sky turn orange as the sun set, turning around as Bobbi tapped her on the shoulder, the three of them heading to reception, Ed closing the door carefully behind her, hovering over the handle, _a beginning_ , she told herself, letting go and following Bobbi, excited for what was to come, grieving for what had ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read this! All your support has meant so much to me, it's truly what's kept me writing this :D


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